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"Mydrias to PCbSS, we are on course and everything is running smoothly."
A droning voice answers Yoongi - "Glad to hear so, Captain - keep us posted."
"Will surely do - per aspera ad astra ."
" Per aspera ad astra . PCbSS, out."
"Mydrias, out."
The communication cuts off, and Yoongi gets up to stretch his bones - his joints crack and he sighs with satisfaction, settling back in his chair.
"I'm really tired of the whole motto bullshit - we could've done just as well without it," Jimin quips in Yoongi's in-ear.
Yoongi looks down at the floor where he knows Jimin's finishing up (re)checking the food supply in hope of finding something other than strawberry-flavoured protein powder. "All our comms are recorded - you know they want to have something cooler than a small step for man, a big step for humanity ."
Hoseok giggles on Yoongi's left. "We could bring them a bottled black hole and they'd still wet themselves for Armstrong, guys." Yoongi hates that it's true.
"Well, we've still got 2 months to think of something cooler than a small step whatever, so go sleep and find some inspiration," Seokjin speaks directly in Yoongi's ear, startling him.
Yoongi throws him a small frown, but he's thankful his monitoring shift's over. "Thanks, hyung," he nods, getting up to let Seokjin take his place. "Be careful, there's some nasty debris that might bother us."
"Got it, captain ," Seokjin laughs, finally settling in. Yoongi wonders how much longer until they stop teasing him about that.
He waves goodbye to Hoseok too and turns off his in-ear, heading to his room. As the captain of the mission, that was the only privilege he was interested in - his own room, quaint and soundproofed. A nuclear fusion engine could get quite rowdy at times.
"Hi, Yoongi," Taehyung - the ship's A.I. - welcomes him as he enters. The lights turn on but they're still dim. "Done with your shift?"
Yoongi nods. "Seokjin's up in my place, yeah. I thought I'd catch some sleep."
"You say catch as if you don't sleep a perfect 5 hour every cycle."
"As the captain, I must be sharp at all times," Yoongi laughs. "Can you imagine what would happen if I got tired?"
Taehyung puts on Yoongi's preferred sleeping music before answering. "I could lead the mission myself, Yoongi - you're here because the government doesn't trust me."
Yoongi laughs and settles in his bed. "I don't plan to interfere too much, Tae, don't worry. I'm only here because a physics degree doesn't bring much to the table - at least this gives me protein shakes and some friends, you know?"
"You never fail to surprise me, Yoongi - maybe that can be the next that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind ."
Yoongi chuckles. "So that's how the quote went," he muses. "Can you turn off the lights and let me sleep, Tae?"
"Sure thing, captain ."
Even the artificial neural network makes fun of him.
The lights dim for good and Yoongi's left in complete darkness. A soft tune's still playing, the volume low enough that Yoongi's barely aware of it as he stares out into the nothingness.
"Tae?"
"Yeah, Yoongi?"
Yoongi sighs and turns on his back, hands splayed on the mattress. "Can you open the blinds?"
"Sure, Yoongi."
The blinds open gradually, and Yoongi's met with the distant Alpha Centauri A and B surrounded by thousands of other stars, the void behind them indistinguishable from the darkness of the room.
For one moment, Yoongi thinks he misses home, and then it's all lost to sleep.
-
Waking up is always easy - it's all embedded in the sleep music. Every movement of Yoongi's sleep is measured by the music's whims.
"Open the blinds, please, Taehyung."
Alpha Centauri B is glaring upon Yoongi, its yellowish glow far from welcoming.
"How long until we can make the jump?"
Taehyung takes a moment to answer. Yoongi doesn't blame him, considering the amount of his computational power going into the leeching operation. "Less than an hour, Yoongi. The exponential's starting to pick up."
Yoongi nods and jumps out of bed; he takes his time rearranging the sheets. "Has the PCbSS contacted us while I was asleep?"
"Yes. Jimin and Namjoon got their hands on a transcript of the moon landing transmissions and drove home base insane."
Yoongi laughs at that, not surprised that after two months, the crew's still trying to dethrone Armstrong. Even Yoongi's bothered that after almost a century and countless successful missions, that guy still gets all the fame. "How so?"
The soft whirr of the blinds closing accompanies Yoongi as he steps out into the hall. "They refused to say anything that wasn't on the transcript - even if it didn't make any sense at all."
"Sounds like something they'd do."
When the doors to the monitoring room open, Yoongi's welcomed by the whole crew hanging about the ceiling. Hoseok and Seokjin are still trying (and failing) to play table tennis with water, while Namjoon's floating in the middle and glaring at Jimin (who's gripping a handle bar a little farther with a look of satisfaction).
"Who's turned off the gravity? Again, I might add."
Namjoon scoffs. "Oh, we wonder who ," he drones, and at that exact moment a water sphere hits him square in the head.
Seokjin and Hoseok start laughing, while Jimin does so enthusiastically enough that he hits his head on the ceiling.
Yoongi sighs and pushes himself off the wall to grab Namjoon and bring him back to safety. "We're about to be yeeted almost 600 light years away from civilization in an hour and this is what you're all doing?"
"Oh, captain, we're dearly sorry," Seokjin muses. In all honesty, he could be flipping Yoongi off and it'd be more apologetic.
"Tae, how much longer until take-off?"
"About 45 minutes, I'd say."
Yoongi contemplates the star for a moment, while the others clamber to their seats in relative silence. "And the fields don't show signs of fucking up?"
Namjoon, now with a screen in front of him, actually does his job. "No - they're holding within the expected values."
"Yoongi-yah, you're worrying too much - we've got everything under control." It's Seokjin, who's been meticulously checking on the physical systems for over three months.
Yoongi still doesn't trust it. "Can anyone say for sure nothing's going to go apeshit?"
Hoseok sighs as he bodily drags Yoongi into his chair, then settles in his own and secures his harness. "Honestly speaking, you're the only variable unaccounted for - if you don't quit babbling bullshit, I'm putting you in the vacuum chamber and boiling you alive."
That shuts Yoongi up for a second.
The next, Alpha Centauri B flares out completely, and all the screens around them turn red. The blaring of alarms becomes deafening.
"I fucking told you so - we're going to die," Yoongi laments.
They're all frozen for a moment, looking over the values and percentages on their respective screens as if it's the first time they see them. They're going up and down in a periodic manner, as Yoongi knows they would have done in 35 minutes if stuff hadn't gone apeshit . Still, reality seems to have hurried a little since -
"We're about to jump but all the numbers are wrong," Taehyung's mellow voice drones through the monumental silence. "If we don't fix them, we might end up in a black hole or something of the sorts."
That seems to get everyone sobered up.
"Fuck, then let's fix it, what the fuck." Yoongi slaps himself hard, then takes a better look at the red-green mess in front of him. "The only systems running smoothly are human maintenance and the greenery. What does that tell us?"
Hoseok laughs from behind Yoongi. "That we'll live as long as the spaceship itself isn't destroyed?"
Yoongi snaps his fingers. "That's very good - now, what can we do about the other 10 systems?"
"Fuck if I know," Jimin complains. "Abandon ship?"
Taehyung's voice comes through again - Yoongi's relieved. "The exponential has turned into a double, and that's well beyond expected values - that's what's throwing off the systems. Nothing is breaking yet, though, so it seems safe to keep the leeching operation going and stop when we hit the target power."
Yoongi's never been more relieved.
"I've adjusted the calculations, so all your monitors should be back to normal," Taehyung continues; the alarms die out. "I'm expecting the jump can happen in as little as three minutes."
"Three minutes? Fuck, Joon, where's that goddamn transcript?"
"Jimin, not now," Yoongi groans. "Let's just give a normal report and not make fools of ourselves -"
"Mydrias to the Proxima Centauri b Space Station !" Jimin blurts into the communication mic. Yoongi takes his head in his hands, watching the energy supply rapidly increase on his screen. "Park Jimin speaking; first off, fuck that per aspera ad astra bullshit, and secondly - this one's for you, Shinhye - beautiful, beautiful. Magnificent desolation ."
Yoongi sighs and turns on his home base mic. "I'm sorry for all that - captain Min Yoongi speaking. After some technical issues which are not to be mentioned, the Mydrias mission is ready to make the jump - we are locked on our target and expect to reach the Kepler-186 system in the next moments. We don't know if it'll be moments for all of you on Proxima or Earth - yet we hope to find you well when we return. To an abundant and eventful future - per aspera ad astra . Mydrias, out."
Silence again for a second, before Seokjin bursts out laughing. "Did the government guys send you that speech, Yoongi-yah?"
"I'm just trying to be serious here!"
"Oh, yes, our broody captain," Hoseok giggles, poking Yoongi in the back of his head with a nasty finger. "I see you as a worthy opponent of Armstrong, Min Yoongi."
"Ah, fuck off - have we reached maximum energy levels, Taehyung?"
"Yes - we're ready for polarisation, Yoongi."
Yoongi nods. He takes one last look at Alpha Centauri B - it's all flared up, weakened yet still more powerful than he could ever understand. "Then let's hope those theory guys got it right with the wormhole procedure and we'll survive."
"You were literally one of those theory guys, Yoongi."
"Shut the fuck up - Taehyung, begin peocedure."
A minute of silence lets Yoongi think if he leaves any regrets behind in this side of the Milky Way . When Alpha Centauri B suddenly disappears from the face of the universe and their ship gets sucked in the resulting wormhole, Yoongi thinks - "Yeah."
"My fucking seatbelt."
-
Yoongi wakes up with a big headache.
It's pulsing rhythmically; the rest of his body is tingling, as if tiny needles are gently touching his skin in a rapid succession. Oh, and his arm - it feels wrong when he tries to move it.
"Fuck, he's awake."
Yoongi opens his eyes, finally, and he's met with four confused faces peering down at him, Hoseok and Jimin on his left, Namjoon and Seokjin on his right. Yoongi thinks that's left and the other's right - he can't quite tell.
"Are we in Kepler ?"
Seokjin sighs. "You have a concussion and a sprained elbow and that's what you care about?"
"Yeah, fuck that," Yoongi groans as he sits up, the tingling turning into an all-body pain. "Why are the lights red? Did something bad happen?"
Namjoon looks worried. "The ship's fine."
"And we're in Kepler ?"
"Yeah," Jimin says, voice small.
"Then why are we in emergency mode?"
Taehyung's mellow voice comes through the speakers. "There's an energy accumulation moving through the ship - it seems to be heading towards the main reactor."
Yoongi looks up - the ceiling of the infirmary is a soft magenta. "Is it an alien form?"
Hoseok helps Yoongi get down from the bed, an arm tight around his waist - it hurts. "Its behaviour suggests it's intelligent, yeah, but we can't see it. It's like a contained explosion is walking down the halls."
"And how the hell is this explosion invisible?" Yoongi feels his headache worse by the second. "Get me an image of its position."
The monitor showing his vital signs clears out, and in their place appears an image of a disappointingly empty hall. "What radiation does it emit?"
"Infrared and some microwave," Taehyung supplies. "Let me show you."
The image turns into an infrared reading - there's a fuzzy blob glowing stark white against a deep indigo background. "Are you telling me that thing's 400°C?"
"It's been cooling down from around 6000K, but yes, it's at 689K now."
Yoongi wants to punch something. "Did it melt the fucking spaceship? And where'd it even come from?"
It's Namjoon who answers this time. "Surprisingly, no. And it popped up from the energy funnel, right before we made the jump."
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
"Why hasn't anyone gone to actually check what it is themselves?"
"We're scared?" For all it's worth, Jimin looks close to shitting his pants.
Yoongi sighs - the thing is currently nearing the main reactor room, and that's honestly the worst thing he can imagine right now. Its temperature has dropped to just a little over 300°C now, but any unsupervised activity near a nuclear fusion reactor is known to lead to detrimental results - especially the worsening of his current headache.
"Alright, I'll go," Yoongi shrugs - even that small movement hurts.
His words are met with four different voices yelling out different variations of "no, you're not". Hoseok, who's still holding him up, looks close to punching him in the face, while Namjoon and Jimin look close to tears. Seokjin's facepalming repeatedly.
Taehyung's voice clears out the ruckus. "I think it'd be best if you did, Yoongi. The risks of the whole ship blowing up outweigh the…"
"What, the risk of Yoongi being killed?" Namjoon's voice wavers over the words. Four equally-contrived frowns look up at the ceiling (where they've agreed Taehyung is - always stuck in whatever point on the ceiling they see first).
A heavy moment of silence follows. "I was going to mention the fact that the thing only has the potential energy to lightly shove Yoongi," Taehyung says, something like amusement in his gentle voice. "And it should cool down well under 50°C before Yoongi even gets to it, if that concerns you."
"Oh."
Yoongi laughs. "Well, then I'm going. You scaredy cats stay here and record my adventure - we'll show it to gov the moment we get back."
That seems to calm the waters. Still - "Yoongi, you can barely hold yourself up."
Yoongi smirks. "Taehyung, turn off gravity, please." The moment they're afloat, Yoongi pushes himself off the screen and towards the door. "Don't forget to add some special effects to that, Tae."
"Sure thing, Yoongi."
Seokjin's quiet scream of frustration follows Yoongi into the hall.
"Taehyung, get us out of emergency mode, please."
The lights turn back to their usual medium white, and Yoongi feels his nerves quieten slightly. He follows a small map Taehyung's supplied on his control sleeve - there's a small pulsing point for the blob's location, not far from Yoongi's current position (that's highlighted by his face getting smaller and then bigger, repeatedly).
Yoongi can't stand the silence. "If it came from the energy funnel, that means this thing was on Alpha . I thought we ruled out the possibility of life on 6000K hot stars."
"We did," Taehyung agrees. "We might've been wrong."
"How do we explain that to gov without sending some poor souls on Proxima ? Or worse, on Alpha A ?" He passes the monitoring room and floats down the elevator tunnel, avoiding the pod when he reaches it.
"We could take the secret to the grave. We might if that thing manages to blow us up."
"So uplifting, really." Yoongi takes a right and his sleeve tells him he's on the same corridor as the thing . The reactor room's behind him.
"It's my job to morally support all of you," Taehyung drones. "Now, do you see it?"
Yoongi shakes his head. "If I didn't see it on the map, I'd say there's nothing there."
Some silence accompanies them - the blob's stopped too, as if it's noticed Yoongi. He doesn't know how that's possible.
"Well, go towards it."
"Yeah, I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do that," Yoongi sighs.
He drags himself along the wall, his eyes glued to his sleeve monitor. It says the blob's at 40°C at the moment, which is less than the worst fever he's had, but not comforting.
Yoongi stops when he's a few metres away from the thing . "I'm not moving another inch."
"Are you scared, captain ?"
Yoongi scoffs. "You know what? This isn't even funny anymore - I'm doing my best to make everyone feel well, even you, and all I get for it is this fucking tease-game -"
The blob suddenly jumps at him - Yoongi sees it move on the screen and tries to push himself away with a disgracious yelp at the last moment, but it's in vain.
He feels a gentle heat envelop him, then he loses his train of thought - the pain in his body feels a little lighter, as if he were hanging between awake and asleep. When he closes his eyes, he remembers taking a walk the evening before they took off Proxima Centauri b , remembers watching the Alpha system on the waning sky. He remembers a face, then -
Then that face is in front of him, attached to a body, and Yoongi hears himself scream.
He clambers back, wincing as every movement now sends his pain receptors in a frenzy. There's an actual human being peering curiously at him, coming closer every time Yoongi retreats - worse, he recognises the person to be Jeongguk, who designed the energy funneling system. What an irony.
"Taehyung, please tell me I'm hallucinating and that's not Jeongguk."
He doesn't get an answer immediately, and that gives Yoongi hope that he's indeed not fully conscious - the creature might've knocked him out, and -
"I can't say I understand what's happening - it looks like an imitation, Yoongi. An artificial photon emission of sorts," Taehyung finally says.
Even the thing looks up at the ceiling - it's as if it knows that's Taehyung's designated location.
Yoongi's back hits the door to the reactor room. "Taehyung, can it kill me?"
"I would say the chances of that are close to 0.1%."
"Okay, that's good odds," Yoongi nods to himself. "But I think it can read my thoughts."
Taehyung remains silent for a second - Yoongi can almost hear the laugh that's fortunately not in Taehyung's vocal library. "That's not possible, Yoongi."
The creature comes closer, and Yoongi presses himself flush to the door - he wishes he could teleport back to the infirmary. "I remembered meeting Jeongguk before take-off, and then he was in front of me. This thing can read my mind."
"Yoongi, that's simply not possible, we've been over this -" Taehyung stops talking when Jeongguk (is it Jeongguk?) touches Yoongi's face. "Okay, that thing's turning into an actual human, like, actual matter ."
Yoongi gulps, the hand on his skin feeling very warm and very solid. "I come in peace," he whispers, hoping that this Jeongguk can understand human speech. "I don't want to hurt you." He smiles tentatively, and Jeongguk mirrors him (rather, tries to), lips pulling up in an awkward grimace.
Its fingers slowly trace a path to Yoongi's forehead, where they press gently; the world grows a little fuzzy once again, walls blending with each other, yet Jeongguk's face remains in focus. His smile's less clumsy now, somewhat resembling Jeongguk's usual smile - large, easy, his nose all crinkled up. Yoongi sees it with his eyes and in his mind, at the homebase park back on Proxima .
His thoughts become loose-ended too, almost as if they're not his own; his memories are replaced with an unclear feeling, a sort of uncertainty. Then, images of outer space bordered by yellow-white warmth flaring out around him - he feels desperate as he realises they're dimming, dying out. Yoongi jumps - jumps into the openness.
Jeongguk collapses in front of him.
"Fuck, Yoongi, are you alright?" It's Jimin, coming from his left - from the infirmary. He's white as a sheet, and so are the others, appearing behind him one by one.
Yoongi looks down at his hands and for a moment doesn't know what to do with them. "I guess I am, yeah." Between his fingers, he can see Jeongguk glowing a subtle golden light - unconscious.
"Yoongi, you just spent 20 minutes having the wildest brain activity I've ever seen," Taehyung speaks; Yoongi looks up - was it really that long? "I'm sending you both to the infirmary right now."
Someone takes his hand - Hoseok. "C'mon, Yoongs."
Yoongi laughs suddenly, the sound ripping from his throat by itself. "Guys, I think we found something better than the moon landing." Four pairs of eyes turn to him, equally confused as he's guided along the halls. "Life on fucking stars."
Jimin, who's carrying Jeongguk along, laughs. "Sure, captain - now let's get you some melatonin and let you sleep a little."
-
When Yoongi wakes up, not a cubic millimetre in his body hurts anymore.
"... yogurt, yolk, yolky, York, you, young..."
And he's thinking about very many words in alphabetical order.
Yoongi opens his eyes slowly - all he sees is the ceiling, but it's fuzzy in a way he recognises. When he turns his head to the right, he sees Jeongguk on the bed next to his, lit up in that same yellowish glow. His eyelids twitch like those of a normal human being would in a REM cycle, but Yoongi knows that's not the case.
"Stop going through my mind like it's a dictionary," Yoongi says loudly. The body on the table barely moves, yet there's a subtle jolt that's textbook reaction to sudden stimuli. "Okay, how much of my brain have you already gone through?"
"Yoongi, who are you talking to?"
Yoongi's eyes flit to the ceiling. "I'm talking to Jeongguk, who's invading my privacy," he tells Taehyung.
The body remains motionless.
"Okay, walk me through it, please - how exactly is the alien reading your thoughts?"
Yoonhi sighs and sits up, taking measured steps towards the other bed. "First off, let's just call him Jeongguk - he's basically a human being and I think it's disrespectful to refer to him as alien ."
"How do you know it's a 'he', then? Its species might not have a gender system like yours does."
"Taehyung, dearly fuck you." Yoongi frowns at the ceiling before continuing. "Secondly, about the process - I, er… I think about things I don't mean to think about."
"That's called something else - I'm sure you can find it in a psychiatry book," Taehyung quips.
Yoongi studies Jeongguk for a moment, putting his conversation with Taehyung on hold. He looks closely at his features, how they fit his memory of the actual Jeongguk, but certain spots look as if someone had filled in the gaps. His lashes look the wrong length, and there are small moles peppered on his skin that he's not sure should be there.
Yoongi sighs. "Until a moment ago, I was thinking about words in, like, alphabetical order," he laments. "And I'm pretty sure I dreamed about sentence structure while I was asleep."
Taehyung's lack of answer leaves Yoongi to wonder if he should really consult a psychiatry book.
His fingers gravitate towards Jeongguk's face without him thinking about it; they stop to touch the blue overalls he's wearing first. They feel familiar, more familiar than his own blue overalls feel, as if the material was tailored for his senses, his memories.
The skin of Jeongguk's forehead is smooth to the touch, and cold compared to Yoongi's - room-temperature. When Jeongguk's eyes open, everything other than him fades out of focus again.
This time, it's not images or memories that invade Yoongi's mind; rather, it's a voice that's just a little different from his inner voice - "Where are we, Yoongi?"
Yoongi closes his eyes on instinct. "Far from home," he thinks to himself; his other inner voice ( Jeongguk , it's Jeongguk) humms. "Who are you?"
Yoongi's hit with a feeling - a quiet sense of belonging, of light around him. He can't explain it. "I can't explain it in your words." Yoongi swallows hard.
Then, "what are you?"
"Entanglement, you call it - energy, potential, uncertainty. You know a lot about me."
Yoongi doesn't agree with that. "I don't understand anything about you."
"That's not true." Yoongi feels like an idiot talking to himself. "You understand that what you call 'life' is fickle - that it shouldn't work like it does. I'm 'life' before it manifests."
Yoongi lets his eyes open - he sees Jeongguk before they're all the way open; he glows softly, that gold shine that Yoongi can't figure a source for. His smile's gentle, not like Yoongi remembers Jeongguk , who he's only seen a handful of times for work purposes - no, it's got a deeper meaning behind it. "Are you the only one?"
"No," Jeongguk whispers between his thoughts; his head shakes softly, his eyes drift from Yoongi's features. "I'm one of many between the 'solar flares', as you call them."
Yoongi swallows, a sinking feeling in his gut, the last moments of Alpha Centauri B before it was swallowed to allow their jump stuck in the back of his head.
A hand on Yoongi's shoulder pulls him back suddenly, and Jeongguk slips from his mind. It's Namjoon.
"Hyung, what are you doing?"
Yoongi looks back at Jeongguk, who has his eyes stuck to Yoongi's - they're empty now, and Yoongi realises that Jeongguk probably has no idea how his new body works.
"Hyung?"
Yoongi coughs. " Alpha Centauri B was full of life, Namjoon," he whispers. "Jeongguk is the only one who -" He can't say it.
Namjoon's eyes are worried. "Hyung, let's get you to your room for a moment, alright?" His voice is small.
Yoongi nods, looking at Jeongguk for one last moment. "Yeah, let's do that."
-
Monitoring shift's never been longer.
"How did we manage to land so far from this goddamn planet?"
Yoongi sighs. "I don't know, Seokjin, maybe because not one thing went right with the jump?"
Seokjin scoffs. "I still don't understand why what happened happened - it makes no goddamn sense." His hand is hanging above the manual control handle. "I checked the systems before and after and they were all in perfect shape."
"Maybe it's karma for eradicating a whole species."
Seokjin's eyes flit to Yoongi for a moment, then they're back to the asteroid belt they're passing through. "Yeah, that could be," he says, voice small. "Anyway, how's Jeongguk?"
Yoongi shrugs and rubs his eyes. "He doesn't sleep or eat, yet his body's completely fine - Jimin said he's stuck in this arrangement and not evolving."
"But that's impossible."
"Yeah, it's impossible - his whole existence is like a big fuck you to all our entropy theories."
Seokjin gives a small laugh. "And that's fucking with your little theoretician brain, isn't it?"
"It is, okay?!" Yoongi's voice wavers over higher volumes; the silence after his short outburst is all the more noticeable. "It is, and I feel guilty for destroying Jeongguk's home and putting him in this situation."
"Hyung, there was no way we could've known," Jimin's voice pipes up in Yoongi's in-ear. "It's not like we consciously committed mass-genocide."
Yoongi groans. "Jimin, please don't call it that."
"Right, my bad."
Silent again, Yoongi pulls up Jeongguk's channel and watches him in his new room (which used to be Yoongi's - he's sleeping in Jimin and Namjoon's double now). He's in his bed, glowing powerfully from beneath the blankets with the lights turned off. His face suggests he's trying to sleep like Yoongi advised him to.
Yoongi, who killed his entire species.
Jeongguk suddenly throws the blankets off himself and stands up on the bed. He lifts his arms above his head and, as he puts them down, a powerful light shines from him, blinding the camera.
Yoongi puts his head in his hands. "Taehyung, was there any x-ray this time?"
Taehyung's voice is tired, which shouldn't even be possible for his prerecorded library. "Yes, exactly 23.87 millisieverts."
"How much was that in CT scans?" Hoseok asks. Yoongi wishes he was allowed to turn off his in-ear during monitoring shifts.
"Almost five," Namjoon supplies. "We're on our way to death if someone doesn't teach that kid to use his eyes."
Kid. "How endearing," Yoongi thinks.
"Can someone come fill in for my shift? I want to go check on him," Yoongi says.
A small sigh comes in his in-ear. "I'll do it," Hoseok assures him. Good luck getting those five CT scans."
"Thanks," Yoongi replies dryly.
The way to his room is familiar - pass the greenery, Hoseok and Seokjin's double, take a left and the first door on the right is his. The doors whoosh as they open and that is also familiar; Jeongguk's sight has become quite familiar, too.
With a gentle touch, Yoongi turns off his in-ear. "Taehyung, can you please lock the door? Unlocking privileges for me and Jeongguk only. And turn on the lights, please."
"Sure thing, Yoongi."
Yoongi nods to himself. The room lights up gradually, overpowering Jeongguk's glow. Although his pupils dilate, Yoongi knows he can't see anything around him.
Slowly, he comes close to Jeongguk and guides him to sit back down on the bed. As soon as their hands touch, Yoongi's brought back into the fuzzy headspace of communicating with Jeongguk. "Hi, Yoongi."
Yoongi squeezes his hand - they've established he can sense that, although all the other four senses are way outside of his expertise. "Jeongguk, x-rays can eventually kill us," he voices simply to himself.
Yoongi gets a sense of sadness flowing through him - like all of Jeongguk's feelings, it's condensed until it becomes encompassing. "Time's longer here, Yoongi, away from home - and waiting in the dark is worse. You couldn't imagine it."
The tightening in Yoongi's chest says otherwise. "What can I do to comfort you?" he asks instead of telling Jeongguk that.
Yoongi's mind remains silent for a long time, aside from his loose trains of thought (which Jeongguk has fortunately given up on dissecting). It's silent, but Jeongguk's feelings are still flowing through him - they're almost all emotions he can't place, and he constantly feels like he's catching whales with butterfly nets.
He wonders how Jeongguk interprets all his little worries, the quiet desperation and the guilt that's always at the edge of Yoongi's mind - if it's like puny butterflies unscathed by his big harpoon.
"Silence is what used to comfort me - between the flares, moments of serenity are a rarity." Jeongguk's hands tighten around Yoongi's fingers, cold. "But now I feel the need to be overwhelmed."
Yoongi nods. He leans in until his forehead touches Jeongguk's, listens closely until he can hear bells ringing, countless notes overlapping each other; then, he's back into that wild light all around him, and his body feels much lighter - immaterial. He thinks about jumping and he's up, higher, away from the ruckus; the rest is black speckled with bright dots, and he knows they'd ring just as prettily if he could get close to them, lose himself in their own debilitating energy.
They fade away when he stretches his whole being towards them - melted in the void surrounding them, and the bells collapse in one last harmony. When Yoongi opens his eyes, Jeongguk's own are closed and he's warm, warm as he falls against Yoongi.
His skin glows stark white as Yoongi lets him rest among the blankets.
-
"So, how do preliminary checks for Kepler look like?"
Yoongi barely lifts his eyes from his bowl of disgusting astronaut food. "There seems to be an atmosphere, which is good - we're not sure of its composition yet, but we're hoping it's something with oxygen in it."
Hoseok hums; he settles at the table with his own bowl of disgusting astronaut food. "Anything else?"
"We were pretty spot-on with its mass and orbit," Yoongi shrugs. "It's within the habitable zone, and there doesn't seem to be life on it - I'd say it's safe to land on."
Hoseok nods. "We've still got three months until then, though - I hope none of you intend to go crazy any time soon."
"I really hope I won't end up on a couch with you - you'd make me do Rorschach tests or some bullshit," Yoongi laughs.
Hoseok laughs too, playing with his food rather than eating it. "It's my job as the designated mental supporter of this mission!"
"You humanities people can't understand the brains of us scientists," Yoongi quips; Hoseok looks ready to throw the contents of his bowl in Yoongi's shit-eating face. "Anyway, have you talked to Jeongguk?"
Hoseok's expression mellows out. "Yeah," he says, voice low. "He doesn't seem to be responding well to me, though. It's like he's disappointed I'm not you." The smile on his face is somewhat sad.
Yoongi swallows the last bits of his disgusting astronaut food before answering. "I don't know how to help him either," he sighs. "Like, I'm not sure what problems he even has."
Hoseok gathers Yoongi's bowl and spoon in silence - his own is barely scathed. "He seems really different, but I don't think he really is. Sure, if we had to work with him as that ethereal being that lives on the surface of a star, it'd be hard - but I think some humanity's rubbed off on him when he… transformed, or whatever it is he did."
Yoongi swallows. "Maybe," he mutters. He doesn't tell Hoseok that he thinks it's even harder to be able to relate and understand Jeongguk - he much preferred him as a high-temperature blob putting their lives at risk.
The sound of Hoseok washing the dishes somewhat drowns out his words. "Anyway, what's he doing now?"
Yoongi pulls up the video feed from his old room on his sleeve monitor. "He's not in his room," he tells Hoseok.
The loud sound of a spoon hitting the floor startles Yoongi. "What do you mean he's not in his room ?" Hoseok comes into Yoongi's field of view, hands covered in soap bubbles.
Oh, wait. "Fuck, he's not in his room . Taehyung, where is he?"
The second before Taehyung answers is excruciating. “He’s with Jimin in the greenery - he’s talking to the plants.”
“Yeah, he seems to be having a field day with the moss samples - he’s glowing green now,” Jimin laughs in Yoongi’s in-ear. “Has he done that before?”
Yoongi’s out of his chair in a second - with gravity turned on, it takes him too long to reach the greenery, but he knows it’s rude to turn it off in the halls without notifying everyone beforehand (there have been too many accidents). When he opens the doors, the warm, humid air hits him like a wall; between shelves of moss, Jeongguk's smiling softly.
And he's glowing a pale yellow-green, just like Jimin said.
Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief. "Taehyung, how did he get out of his room?"
"Well, you know - he just walked out the door and somehow got here. He stumbled quite a lot, though."
"Huh," Yoongi says eloquently. "Who granted him access to the doors?"
"You, Yoongi," Taehyung says, and it sounds utterly disappointed. "And Jimin let him in here."
Yoongi nods. "Well, I'm glad he's safe."
Jimin giggles, and his giggles remain unaffected by Yoongi's frown. "Well, I have to go replace Seokjin for monitoring," he says happily. "Can you watch him so he doesn't knock anything over?"
"Sure," Yoongi agrees.
He follows Jimin with his eyes as he leaves the greenery, then turns to Jeongguk, who's still smiling among the tupperware-like moss containers. The dim solar lamps do nothing to hide his pulsing glow; slow and almost rhythmical, as if it were words it represented.
Yoongi comes close slowly, wondering if Jeongguk can feel his presence. When he lightly brushes Jeongguk's wrist, he feels as if he's intruding on an important conversation.
Jeongguk's eyes open and, for the first time, Yoongi feels seen.
A warm hand grabs Yoongi's, and he's pulled closer to Jeongguk - it's hard to focus on that, however, when the eyes looking so closely into his are rippling with light, brown meddling with gold and auburn in waves that Yoongi feels he should understand somehow.
"I can see, Yoongi," Jeongguk whispers in his mind, the words flowing gently over Yoongi's thoughts, filled with emotions that ripple through his whole being. "I can see, and they're all so happy to see through me." Yoongi's eyes drift to the moss sprouts - he thinks they're greener, lush, happy .
He doesn't understand how.
"How can you see?" he asks, out of his depth but mesmerised.
Jeongguk's laugh rings like bells in his mind; it's the first time he's heard it, and he's not sure how to manage it - it's pure emotion he can almost taste on the tip of his tongue, gentle . "Why are you always so concerned with the why, Yoongi? Why do you feel the need to know everything?"
Jeongguk's fingers are soft on his face, caressing slowly; Yoongi swallows. "I don't know," he answers, ironically enough.
Jeongguk's small laugh seems to agree with that. "Get used to saying that more often, then - and maybe you'll find out." His smile is subtle, kind, and all the bits of feelings and emotions he's letting free amidst Yoongi's starstruck thoughts are disarming. "Don't you want to tell them something?"
Yoongi has half a thought to laugh. "What could I tell them?" he wonders quietly.
Jeongguk's fingers caress his brows then, and Yoomgi closes his eyes on instinct. "You could show them something, then - they've never seen anything, Yoongi, they're starved."
Oh, and Yoongi doesn't know how to fight that - doesn't have the slightest idea how to argue with a feeling he can't understand, so he allows Jeongguk to roam deeper within his thoughts.
He remembers a quiet summer morning in the forests of Proxima , a moment of shallow gratitude (like all the memories Jeongguk makes Yoongi relieve, they're fuzzy, as if he can't place himself in that past) . Soft, searching fingers on his face, a hand squeezing his - it must've been a day he was in love… he can almost feel lips on his and the blades of grass tightening around his fingers, the moss cushioning his exposed elbows.
He can feel how it hurt a little - how the kiss felt bitter on his tongue, like an afterthought, a commodity . Yoongi remembers the need to take more, the yearning in his heart pushing him to lose himself for once, to make one with the world around him and grasp that feeling he desired - yet he can't discern why, why he wanted to be close. Proxima Centauri was covered by clouds that day - and the forest above covered it further.
Yoongi comes to his senses slowly, and with every moment, Jeongguk falls deeper in his arms.
"Jeongguk?"
Silence and a forest-green glow. Yoongi takes him to his room to rest.
-
"Where's Jeongguk now?"
Seokjin's voice is monotone when he answers. "With Hoseok - he's doing a psychological background check , or whatever."
Yoongi takes his head out of the composter. "So he waits for me to be busy for once, and he, what - interrogates Jeongguk? What for?"
"To see if there's any chance Jeongguk will try to kill one of us eventually, I guess," Seokjin shrugs. "It's not like we can trust every weird alien we pick up from outer space, you know?"
Yoongi scoffs and gets back to taking apart the carbon dioxide regulator. "He's peaceful, Seokjin! He talks to plants, for fuck's sake."
"Some serial killer could've been a plant lover too," Seokjin grumbles.
Yoongi wants to laugh at that, but he won't give Seokjin the satisfaction. "I don't understand any of you."
Seokjin chuckles, but Yoongi knows it's not because he finds any bit of the situation funny. "Yoongi-yah, what do you think will happen when the little plant lover finds out we murdered his species and deleted his home from existence, huh? Will he telepathically kiss you or something?"
Yoongi doesn't know how to answer that, so he shoves a wire in its slot a little forcefully to express that.
It seems to have been the wrong slot, because instantly, everything becomes pitch black. Even the engine's constant buzz quietens.
"Yoongi, I swear to fucking god, if I die because of you -"
The lights turn on around them, and the incessant buzz starts buzzing again. "There, hyung, no need to kill me," Yoongi laughs. Somehow, this is funny.
Taehyung's voice isn't funny, though. "Yoongi, you promised you wouldn't interfere with the mission. Now, for what reason are you trying to fry the reactor, if I may ask?"
That shuts Yoongi up.
"Yoongi-yah, go take a nap, please, I'll finish here," Seokjin jumps to his salvation. "He's just tired, Taehyung-ah, don't mind him."
Yoongi throws Seokjin a half smile when he finally gets his head out of the decomposer. "Thanks, man," he mouths (like the mature adult he is).
He's thankful to let Seokjin deal with the decomposer (it's in his job description and it seems Yoongi's not made for it anyway), so he exits the room with a light step. Today's Thursday, so they're required to have gravity on, which is nice for a little dance. Maybe that'll be what convinces gov they're better than Armstrong - they dance on their way to taking a nap.
Checking his sleeve monitor, Yoongi finds Jeongguk is being questioned in his room, so he heads there instead of going straight to his triple with Jimin and Namjoon.
Inside, he finds what he had just seen - Hoseok and Jeongguk on Yoongi's former couch. "Putting your degree to good use, I see," he greets.
Hoseok's eyes are unfocused, and Yoongi realises he's in Jeongguk's head (or Jeongguk's in his, Yoongi hasn't decided yet). Interrupting them would be rude, so Yoongi only takes a brief moment to admire Jeongguk's small frown before he settles himself between the sheets.
He's missed his bed, so he falls asleep quickly.
If asked, Yoongi would admit he dreams once in a blue moon; his sleep's always been precious, and thanks to the memory analysing chip inserted in his brain when he was barely 12 and starting out at the academy, it's also quiet. Yoongi loved technology for that exact reason - it took out some of human life's inconveniences, like dreams and having a hard time remembering something.
This time, however, it doesn't exactly feel like a dream - instead, it's fuzzy like a memory he almost forgot, and sweet too.
Yoongi feels tears on his cheeks, dried and having left salt behind, so it pulls on his skin with every movement. There are lips on his; they taste like leftover cherry lip balm and like feeling sorry, apologies etched in every dry bit of them that rubs against Yoongi's, hurried, almost painful.
His eyes are closed against the heavy air around him, and his whole body is somehow a little to the left - hands grip at it, caress down his sides, over his arms and pull him closer to someone . He goes although he wants to rip away, wants to stifle the need to burn in their embrace with the tears which have dried on his face - he goes, and suddenly he's pulled through and up, towards reality.
Yoongi's awake, and all he is aware of is the tightening in his chest, painful.
"Love, Yoongi - what is it?"
Jeongguk's voice is soft against the needles piercing Yoongi's entire body, sweetly curious against his bittersweet remembrance. When he opens his eyes, his eyes are lit up nebulae, the same shades of red that mix around in his glow - Yoongi closes them and takes a deep breath.
"Love is what we feel for people we trust," he tells Jeongguk; the definition feels lacking, but he doesn't have the words he needs. "It's made up of other feelings too - happiness, content, safety. Sometimes selfishness, need; it's hard to understand."
Jeongguk's hum is like a song. "And yet you feel it so easily," he says, and Yoongi wonders how he knows it's a whisper. "It doesn't fit with your habit of asking too many questions."
Yoongi smiles. "It's the one fall we're all willing to take into the abyss," he answers, tries to make it a whisper while his inner voice trembles, still lost between dreams, or rather, memories.
Yoongi opens his eyes and finds Jeongguk's face close to his, his smile weaving his features in a pretty mix of curiosity and amazement. His eyelids fall over his eyes and lashes web together, long and curved and soft against Yoongi's cheek as Jeongguk noses at his skin, slowly. "And this? What does it mean?"
Yoongi swallows hard. "I don't know what you're referring to," he answers sincerely. With his eyes closed, he feels Jeongguk's breaths hit his lips, wet and hot. His whole body seizes, the red glow apparent through his eyelids.
He turns his face and the kiss lands on his cheek, searing as he inhales sharply. Yoongi's filled with uncertainty radiating both off him and off Jeongguk, waves that sway him between wanting to turn into the touch and peals of guilt pooling in his stomach - fear .
Yoongi's thoughts are silent, and so are Jeongguk's. "The kisses mean intimacy," he counters softly. "They're an extension of love in all its forms." The words feel even weaker now, with Jeongguk's lips lifting from his skin; the spot feels cold.
Jeongguk's glow has grown into a sage orange when Yoongi dares to look again. His eyes are more curious now, searching through his thoughts - Yoongi feels choked up. "I have to be on monitoring duty in a few minutes, Jeongguk-ah. I'll come back after, alright?"
Yoongi's guilt is heightened by Jeongguk's disappointment. "I'll wait, Yoongi."
He nods and lifts himself from the bed, from Jeongguk's prying words, wondering whatever the fuck is happening.
-
Just as Yoongi's monitoring shift ends, his sleeve beeps with a message from Hoseok.
See me in the greenery for your annual check-up?
Yoongi has no idea what "annual check-up" is supposed to mean, but he goes anyway.
The greenery is, well, green , as always - the air's warm and humid, feeling fluid against his skin as he steps closer to Hoseok. He's sitting on a bench that Yoongi could bet wasn't there yesterday; he wonders if Taehyung and Namjoon have managed to work out solidifying holograms.
"What's this about, Hoseok-ah?" Yoongi greets, plopping down on the opposite end of the couch. "From what I remember, you haven't checked up on me last year."
Hoseok hums. "Yeah, it's a little new. I've got some questions for you."
"About…?"
"About yourself, I guess."
Yoongi laughs. "And about Jeongguk, right?"
Hoseok eyes fill with mirth. "Not much, actually - he's quite honest and cooperative, unlike someone ," he grumbles, frowning playfully.
"So, have you decided whether he'll try to kill us all?" Yoongi asks, purposefully ignoring Hoseok's remark. He rearranges himself better on the couch. "Does he even understand what murderous intent is? I haven't explained it to him myself yet."
Hoseok sighs. "As you expected, he's peaceful. I'd say he's mostly fascinated by us, by what he - is , now."
"As I expected, yes," Yoongi nods. "Now, what about me? Am I about to go on a rampant murder spree?"
"I don't think so, no," Hoseok says simply. "I think Jeongguk's getting to you, though."
Yoongi narrows his eyes without wanting to. "Why would you say that?"
"Well, you getting defensive like that is enough proof," Hoseok laughs. "I think he's making you think about things you don't want to remember."
Yoongi crosses his arms on his chest. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"You're a natural overthinker," Hoseok supplies. "Remember - I've read and re-read all you guys' profiles before being accepted on the mission."
If Yoongi had a knife right now, it'd be subtly pointed towards Hoseok. "And? What of it?"
"Jeongguk's a learning human, but he's also a different species altogether - he doesn't understand how we interpret the world, our feelings towards it and our feelings towards each other," Hoseok explains. "By having you spell them out to him, he's basically throwing your brain in a fit."
Yoongi doesn't say anything for a long moment. "And how would you know that?"
Hoseok shrugs. "It's just an assumption - you tell me if I'm right."
Yoongi sighs and sinks into the couch. "I guess he does pick bad memories when he rummages through my head."
"Like what?" Hoseok asks.
Yoongi waves his hand about. "Dumb shit, like my dating spree when I was laid off from the academy - it's really not that deep, but it's not a time when I was okay, mentally speaking."
"Why were you laid off in the first place?"
"Didn't you just boast about reading my biography?" Yoongi laughs.
Hoseok sighs. "Your psychological profile is not the same as your biography, Yoongi. Help me a little here."
"Ah, you're giving me a hard time, Hoseok-ah," Yoongi bemoans. Hoseok's raised eyebrows tell him that's not enough to get him out of this situation. "The academy's strict, as you know, and I didn't quite enjoy that."
"So?"
"So I ran away for a few months."
Hoseok giggles. "You said laid off , Yoongi, not on Interpol's wanted list."
"It sounds more dramatic like that," Yoongi snorts. "Anyway, I went to Gladiola and had a jolly good time there - dated, partied, almost married someone…"
"How old were you?"
"19," Yoongi answers truthfully. "I'd been in the academy for like 7 years, and it was all coming out."
Hoseok hums thoughtfully. "That's nice and all, hyung, but it doesn't explain why you're so bothered about Jeongguk looking into those memories."
"I was a different person, Hoseok-ah," Yoongi laughs. "Since then, I've come to understand why the academy teaches us to keep everything at an arm's length - to protect ourselves."
"Oh, so now you're going to tell me you're terrified of attachment because you think it makes you weak?"
"Exactly," Yoongi sighs. Hoseok's eyes change at that, widening the slightest bit; Yoongi wonders if he expected that when he read his psychological profile. "Why do you think I was selected captain?"
Hoseok's quiet for a while. "Yoongi, what -"
"Don't bother," Yoongi sighs. "The guys at gov are shitty, we all know it. They took my rebellious moment and turned it against me, in a way - I'm supposed to be objective, and I've been."
"How is that?"
"Well, Jimin spends hours talking to Taehyung, even though the guy's just a smart neural network with feelings. Namjoon sleeps in your bed more often than not, and Seokjin hasn't given up on trying to cook something better with those protein powders in four months - for us . You're all attached to one another in some way, but me?"
"We're attached to you, too, Yoongi," Hoseok says. His voice is suddenly small, and when Yoongi looks at him, he feels bad.
"This isn't my way of saying I hate you, don't worry, Seok-ah," he sighs. "I just want you to understand that I've done my best to keep myself somewhat detached in case I have to put that captain job description to use."
Hoseok's sigh is deep. "How many failed missions has gov made you watch?"
"Too many," Yoongi chuckles. "Anyway, the thing is, I do care about you guys, a lot. You're like family to me, you know?"
Hoseok scoffs, but there's no bite to it. "It didn't seem so when you told me you're keeping us at a distance ."
"It's not about how you feel for someone, it's about the memories," Yoongi smiles. "It's the memories that make you subjective. Do you think a president could pass laws if he had been on a picnic with all their citizens?"
Hoseok's eyes are thoughtful. "You're right," he nods. "But how about Jeongguk?"
"Ah, Jeongguk," Yoongi sighs. "You can't keep a telepathic alien at a distance . And that's throwing me off balance, if I'm honest."
"He's forcing you to make memories with him."
Yoongi nods. "Not only that, but he's slipping in my old memories too when he makes me relieve them like that. It's making me confused."
Hoseok takes his time before answering (if there's one thing Yoongi's never been able to find in someone other than Jung Hoseok, it's the ability to listen so well). "Do you think he'd be able to make you subjective if push came to shove?"
"No," Yoongi says, and he's thankful Hoseok can't peer into his thoughts. "No, I think I care too much about you guys to put the mission at a risk because I'm a little confused."
Hoseok nods. When he opens his mouth to answer, the doors to the greenery open with their signature whoosh . "Hoseok-ah, you should've replaced Jimin for monitoring ten minutes ago," Seokjin says, only his head popping in the room.
Hoseok's eyes flit between Yoongi and the general direction of the doors. "Sorry, Yoongi, we'll talk another time, okay?" he mutters quietly before he's off.
When the doors close with another satisfying whoosh , Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief. "I can't make you worry too much, Hoseok-ah, so you'll have to trust my words over your instincts," he whispers uselessly to the moss samples around him.
He wonders if they can hear him.
-
"Namjoon-ah."
Namjoon's eyes are lazy when he lifts them from his book (something as old as the world, these days). "What, hyung?"
Yoongi turns away from him. "Don't you think the stars are beautiful tonight is a bullshit saying?"
Namjoon's laugh is soft. "You love the stars, hyung, what do you mean?" He shuts his book with a comforting thud. "Do you not like them here?"
Yoongi looks closely at the stars - from the recreation room, they seem closer than they did on Proxima , brighter. "I do," he says simply. "And I think it's bullshit because they're beautiful always ."
"Oh, look who's been thinking deep stuff," Namjoon chuckles. "Should I save up some money for your debut book?"
Yoongi frowns at him, but Namjoon's smile doesn't wane. "I just think it's weird how we apply temporary denominators to things which are timeless from our perspective."
Namjoon's eyes move to the ceiling; stars reflect prettily in them. "Moments are special because we want them to be, hyung," he counters. "The stars are beautiful just because you're looking at them and think so, otherwise they're just… there."
Yoongi's eyes linger on Namjoon for a moment. "That's the same tree falling bullshit."
"What?"
"You know, the if a tree falls in a large forest and no one's there to hear it, does it still make a sound thing," Yoongi explains. "Of course it makes a sound - it hits the ground and the impact emits mechanical waves."
Namjoon makes a small ooh sound. "So the stars are beautiful even when no one's looking at them?"
Yoongi nods. "Exactly. The human observer's a myth anyway."
"You're making some groundbreaking points here, hyung," Namjoon laughs. "Unfortunately, I have monitoring shift in five."
Yoongi sighs and lets his legs fall from Namjoon's lap. "First Hoseok, now you - you all like to leave me alone, huh."
"Not our fault Taehyung made you take a day off," Namjoon laughs. "Besides, we have to fill in your shifts, so a thank you is in order."
Yoongi flips Namjoon off on his way out. "How about fuck you?"
Namjoon turns towards Yoongi when he reaches the door. "You could play some piano to make it up to us, Yoongi," he says in lieu of goodbye, and then he's gone.
Yoongi scoffs. "I'm not playing any piano," he says.
"Guys, make hyung play us some piano," Namjoon laughs in Yoongi's in-ear.
Jimin's giggles prompt a frown on his face. "Yes, hyung, we miss it!"
"The engine's rowdy today, I need some nice music, Yoongi-yah." The corners of his lips are pulled even lower.
"Some music would make everyone feel better, hyung," Hoseok laughs.
Yoongi groans. "Okay, okay! Now shut up, all of you."
An expectant silence settles over the intercom, and Yoongi feels as if all of them are there with him, watching closely (as they used to do in the first month of the mission, when Yoongi would play for them almost every second he wasn't supposed to work). With a sigh, he stands up and settles on the piano bench.
Yoongi kind of hates playing the piano, but he's a good captain.
"Tae, broadcast this through your speakers; the in-ear sound isn't that good."
"Of course, Yoongi." Somehow, even Taehyung sounds expectant.
Yoongi breathes in once and closes his eyes. His fingers skim over the keys slowly, before he settles for one towards the far right; he holds it for a few seconds before he lets silence fall again. With one last deep breath, he lets his hands follow the same old arrangement he always plays.
The notes flow easily, already muscle memory - his fingers and feet fall and lift off keys and pedals in a cycle he knows very well; the rhythm is slow and tender, a comforting relay of the past. Yoongi feels it's a concert for himself only, the sounds eager to engulf him in the very memories he used to build their ever-recurring sequences - highs and lows, ups and downs which translate to gentle sways between the left and the right side of the piano.
It's a dance he craves, sometimes, and hates it all the same with how it burrows deep within his thoughts and jumps again and again, ruffling them up like feathers. The corners of his mind feel fuzzy and every note along the way feels heavier in his chest, resonates through him - it hurts more with each key he releases. At the very end, everything slows down, and it all feels like blades slashing his fingers.
Yoongi's got his hands balled up in fists when he finally opens his eyes. The first thing he sees is Jeongguk on his spot on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest and glowing a soft purple.
A tear slowly flows down Yoongi's cheek and over his parted lips; it's salty and hot on his tongue.
"Did you all like it?" he asks, voice uneven; his eyes remain glued to Jeongguk even if Yoongi knows he can't hear him. "I'm not doing bis."
A plethora of please and come on, captain flows through his in-ear, but he ignores the others and switches off the device. There's a smile on Jeongguk's face that unsettles Yoongi, so he comes closer with light steps.
He settles next to Jeongguk gingerly and breathes a sigh of relief when the outer edges of his vision grow a fuzzy lilac, gentle. "What's up, Jeongguk?"
Jeongguk's face is just as welcoming as usual. "I can hear you, Yoongi." His voice is soft along Yoongi's thoughts - so soft he almost misses it.
Almost.
Yoongi's eyes widen. "What do you mean you can hear me?" he asks out loud.
Jeongguk simply shrugs (something Yoongi taught him only recently, yet he seemed to be in love with it). "I just can - it seems mechanical waves aren't that different from electromagnetic ones."
"I hate it when you learn physics from my head while I sleep," Yoongi counters.
Jeongguk's eyes are filled with mirth. "There's not much about hate in that head of yours, though - so I don't think you do."
"Hey," Yoongi grumbles. "Hate is quite a strong feeling. I might not think much about it because it makes me - well, sad, but it's there."
"Hmm, would you say so? Then, what do you hate?"
Yoongi peers at Jeongguk carefully. "The academy, for one. I also really hate protein shakes," he says as he counts each item on his fingers. "What else? 20s' superhero movies - I have many reasons to despise that."
Jeongguk laughs, but he doesn't seem satiated. His hand lifts slowly from the couch and settles on Yoongi's chest, just above his heart. "You said it's a strong emotion, Yoongi, but those things don't spark anything here." His hand pats the spot, spiking Yoongi's pulse. "So, what do you really hate?"
Yoongi takes a deep breath. "Not… not much, not when you put it like that," he whispers. In the dim lights, Jeongguk's eyes swim with purples and violets, stars reflecting off them in speckled bright dots.
"Love and hate - are they opposites?"
Yoongi nods without thinking.
"But you feel one a lot, yet not the other." Jeongguk's fingers dig softly in Yoongi's chest; the lightest of pressures makes Yoongi feel breathless. "Shouldn't there be a balance somewhere?"
Yoongi shrugs. "There's no balance between matter and antimatter," he answers (dumbly, if he may say so). "Love's a good feeling, hate is - destructive."
Jeongguk hums, his voice sweet. "But isn't hate just love for something else?"
"I -"
"You told me love is hard to describe, that it can be selfish too. I can imagine it can destroy as well." Jeongguk's words fall heavy. "So could you say hate's the same as love?"
Yoongi stares quietly at Jeongguk for a moment. "No," he answers truthfully. "If we're talking about emotions on a deeper level - not just about trivial matters like hating chickpeas -, love's not the same as hate."
Jeongguk's eyes are unmoving as he studies Yoongi. "You don't seem sure of yourself, Yoongi. If both love and hate can destroy, what sets them apart?"
"Intent - you feel love when you want to create something good, even if you don't succeed. Hate doesn't have that good intention." His voice is but a whisper, rolling over the words with unease.
Jeongguk's nod is understanding, finally. "That's a good distinction," he says. "You don't seem well, though."
Yoongi breathes in deep. "I'm fine, Jeongguk-ah," he smiles.
"I never asked - what comforts you?"
The honesty in Jeongguk's eyes is unsettling, and Yoongi hopes for the upteenth time he were not able to understand Jeongguk - and Jeongguk were not able to understand him.
When Yoongi moves, it's tentative. "Humans, in general, are comforted by either words or physical contact," he explains. Turned towards Jeongguk, feeling his presence head-on is nerve-wracking. "Do you want to try a hug?"
Jeongguk's smile blossoms on his face gradually but surely. "How does a hug happen, Yoongi?"
"Well, you, er - please just rummage in my head for this one," Yoongi laughs.
"That's a nice sound, Yoongi," Jeongguk whispers then - his eyes shake for a second, as if he realised he said it after the words were out of his mouth. "And I know how a hug works, I just -"
Yoongi hugs Jeongguk before he can finish his thought.
Close to Jeongguk, he can feel the warmth of his glow, can see it even with his eyes closed, pulsing at random intervals that seem to match his heartbeat. Yoongi does his best to ignore the feeling of Jeongguk's knees digging in his chest and, instead, buries his nose in the shoulder of Jeongguk's overalls. Their smell is clean, cottony and gentle, like Jeongguk is.
Yoongi wants to drown in it, but he pulls back despite that wish.
Jeongguk quickly pulls him in again, his knees falling so their chests press up to each other. Yoongi's breath is nearly knocked out of his lungs at the close contact - his head swims between the sensations and Jeongguk's unguarded feelings seeping within his own heart. Arms snake around his neck and pull him closer, and slowly, Yoongi's muscles relax in Jeongguk's hold.
"I understand how this can be comforting," Jeongguk says. His voice is much softer now, much closer and clearer. "I don't understand how you humans work sometimes, but this - this I can understand."
Yoongi feels his throat tighten. "So hugs are universal, huh?" he asks himself (and Jeongguk, as well); somehow, he's scared of voicing anything out loud.
Jeongguk pulls back enough to be able to see Yoongi's face; his own expression is blurry because he's too close. "I'd say they are."
Jeongguk leans in a little closer, and Yoongi's hand moves to gently grip his chin on instinct. There's a subtle push against his thumb.
"Don't you want to check for kisses too?"
Yoongi swallows tightly. "I'm scar-"
Taehyung's voice is loud and sudden from above them - both Yoongi and Jeongguk jump away from each other. "Yoongi, we've entered Kepler-186f 's orbit. You're needed in the monitoring room for the landing procedure assessment."
Yoongi barely has time to catch Jeongguk back in his arms when he collapses. There's a general sense of unease pooling in his gut when he nods. "I'll be right there, Taehyung."
Jeongguk's lips are parted, as if stuck on a word as Yoongi carries him to his room.
-
Yoongi looks around the recreation room from his place in front of the piano and wonders why Jimin gathered them all (including Jeongguk) there.
He doesn't have to wait long for an explanation, since Jimin looks excited to share the news.
"Guys, since you've all been amazing shipmates," he begins, and Yoongi feels hairs raise on his arms. He does not like Jimin's smile. "I have a small surprise for you."
Hoseok's giggle is sudden and loud. "Yeah, I don't want to know what it is, I'm out."
Jimin catches his sleeve just in time. "Hyung, you're officially not allowed to leave the room."
"Uh-huh, sure."
"Taehyung, strip everyone off their access rights to the recreation room door, now ."
Hoseok's eyes shake. "Taehyung, don't do that."
"Access rights to the recreation room for Min Yoongi, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin and Jeon Jeongguk have been revoked," Taehyung drones.
Yoongi giggles when Hoseok throws him a scandalised look. "Yoongi, he can't just do that!"
"I mean, you all have the same privileges, and revoking or attributing access rights is one of them," Yoongi shrugs. "I'm the one who can play with your access rights, er, revoke/attribute privilege, if that makes sense."
"Then cancel Jimin's! He's holding us hostage here," Hoseok pouts.
Yoongi shakes his head. "If Taehyung's on board, then I am too."
"Fuck you," Hoseok scoffs, then goes back to his beanbag.
"Can I continue, then?" Jimin takes a good look at everyone before he puts on that smile again. Hoseok grunts pointlessly.
"Well, what have you got for us?" Seokjin sighs.
"Thanks for asking!" Suddenly, Jimin's next to Yoongi, a hand perched on his shoulder almost proudly. "Yoongi-hyung, remember those grapes I made you steal from the academy farm?"
Yoongi sighs, already aware of what's about to come out of Jimin's mouth. "Unfortunately, yes."
"I made wine!" Jimin announces to the room, his hands up in a cheering motion.
It's Namjoon who breaks the somewhat interested silence. "And where is it?"
"In the fridge," Jimin supplies.
Seokjin's closest to the fridge, so he's the one who gets up and opens the double door. Yoongi feels his eyes widen when he sees the at-least-seven bottles nicely shelved along the door racks. "You're insane, Jimin-ah."
Jimin pats his back two times. "Those were Romanian grapes, hyung, and they're the absolute best for wine. That baby's 15.7%, you'll fucking love it."
There's a shy tug at Yoongi's sleeve, and when he looks to his right, there's Jeongguk's big eyes crinkled up with mirth. "This is the alcohol you mentioned?"
-
Jeongguk is heavy against Yoongi's side, and once again, Yoongi declares his hate for gravity to the universe.
"Hyung - they call you that, Yoongi… why?"
Yoongi swallows. "I'm older than them, and it's tradition for Korean people - we're all Korean on this mission. Or at least our great-grandparents were," he mumbles, a fuzzy rainbow overlaying his vision. Their steps become slower as they reach Yoongi's room (or Jeongguk's). "I don't know if I'm that tied to my Earth ancestry, but I still hold to a handful of traditions - to some degree."
Jeongguk's hum is shy. "I don't know how old I am." His voice quiet among Yoongi's fuzzy thoughts again - like a whisper. "But calling you hyung seems natural. The guys seem to put a lot of trust when they call you that, and I trust you too, Yoongi."
The sight of his bed ( their bed, since he's missed Jimin and Namjoon's double for a while) makes Yoongi somewhat lose his reservations. "You can call me hyung, Jeongguk-ah," he mutters.
"Alright, hyung."
Yoongi lets Jeongguk climb between the sheets with a smile. "Taehyung-ah, let the team sleep for how long they need this time - we're not going to be up for the landing if we keep to the schedule, and we're the bosses here," he giggles. "We can take breaks whenever we want."
The ceiling lights up with a soft blue light when Taehyung's voice comes through the speakers, rhythmically becoming dimmer, then brighter. "Noted, Yoongi. I'll take a small break from monitoring too, if you'll allow me. The analysis I did says there's a 10 to the power of minus 67 chance we'll encounter any problems in the next two hours."
Yoongi nods as he settles on his hide of the bed. "You sleep too, then, Taehyung-ah."
There's silence then, and Yoongi breathes out, stripped of responsibilities and worries for once. His eyes are closed, but he still sees colours swimming like they do on gasoline - twirling slowly in a hypnothysing dance, all but one he can't quite remember.
"Hyung, why won't you let me kiss you?"
Yoongi opens his eyes to see Jeongguk's glowing purples and lilacs against the utter darkness. He's close but far away at the same time, a few good centimetres between them although Yoongi can feel the heat of his skin against his. "Hyung is scared of it, Jeongguk," he whispers, the words slipping past his lips before he can even consider their implications.
Jeongguk's eyes grow warmer, bits of red growing from the pupil outwards, like a small explosion. "Then let me take that fear from you, hyung." The words hang heavy between Yoongi's asleep common sense and the heaps of repressed desires he hoards in his mind. "I keep wanting to kiss you, even though I don't know why."
Yoongi breathes out through his nose and feels the air come back to him even warmer, reflected on Jeongguk's skin. "Then forget about it, Jeongguk-ah."
That twinkling sound again - Jeongguk's laugh , gentle as always. "You taught me to do my best to find out the whys, Yoongi."
"And you told me not to worry about them, Jeongguk." Yoongi's voice is greater, louder than it should be in the quiet darkness.
"Every time you push me away I just want to feel it more, hyung."
Yoongi swallows and closes his eyes, but Jeongguk's presence is still overwhelming, the colours and the heat subdueing Yoongi's existence. "Finish that thought, Jeongguk-ah, I know there's more," he voices in his head, unable to speak.
"You want it too, and I can feel that. Every time you say no, there's something here I can't even explain." His fingers touch above Yoongi's heart lightly. "What is it, Yoongi?"
It's hard to breathe with Jeongguk's hand on his chest. "Yearning, Jeongguk-ah. 'The precursory of love and its last call', some say." He lets a hand find its way to Jeongguk's cheek, then lower, until he can feel his lips. "I can't hide it from you but I wish I could."
Jeongguk's exhale is shaky. "Why do you deny yourself, Yoongi?" he asks simply, as if he doesn't realise the weight of his words.
Yoongi's tears are hot under his eyelids, hot and searing with a wish to simply let go. The alcohol buzzing under his skin only makes it worse, pulls him towards Jeongguk the more he tries to pull himself away. "It's easier that way, you know?"
When Jeongguk's lips land on his, he realises it isn't.
He realises that he knew it isn't, but he was too scared to find out - he knew what this would feel like, he knew his whole body would seize up for a moment too short in the grand scheme of things, and that when he'd relax, he'd feel what he always wanted to feel when kissing someone. He'd feel each bit of magic he's ever heard about in stories when he was still just a kid with big dreams but no ambition to make them come true, and he'd feel it close to his heart, he'd feel it all to the rhythm of Jeongguk's being, he'd feel it in colours and in thoughts he never wanted to taste, too scared he'll miss them after.
And he does - he feels it all in the span of a second before he pushes back against Jeongguk's lips, a movement that throws his entire world off axis, takes him and pulls him inside out. Jeongguk's mouth is shy, gentle and uncertain on his, lips chapped the slightest bit so it feels real . Yoongi's mind is filled with childlike wonder, a molotov cocktail of such good emotions that it chokes him, makes it so the only air he needs is the one passing Jeongguk's parted lips, filled with everything Yoongi had but never showed.
"Love, Yoongi - is it supposed to feel this way?" Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi's heart seizes in his chest, aching. "Is this it, Yoongi, do I -"
"Don't say it, Jeongguk-ah." Yoongi's voice is loud against the kiss, loud enough that it breaks the spell. "Please," he whispers. There's guilt pooling in his stomach, and so much fear.
When he opens his eyes, the reds and purples are close and blurry, covering so much of the darkness. "You're doing this again, hyung. You say something, but I know it's not what you want."
Jeongguk's chest feels colder when Yoongi pushes a hand against it. "Let it be that way, Jeongguk-ah," he whispers. "I'll go sleep in my room. We land on Kepler tomorrow," he continues, the words fighting their way around the node tightening in his throat.
Jeongguk's eyes mellow out in a deep blue, and Yoongi can almost taste the callousness of it on his tongue. It feels unnatural to look away, but he does, and when he's out of the room, pressed to the door and crying quietly, he realises he was right to be afraid.
He misses every moment more than the last.
-
"Hyung. You never spoke well of my counselling."
Yoongi throws Hoseok an empty look. "I never thought I'd need it."
"And yet, here we are, on a planet halfway across the galaxy, ready to talk about your feelings." Hoseok's smile is unkind, but there's compassion in his eyes. "So, what's bothering you?"
Yoongi breathes in deeply, and lets the words flow from his lips on the exhale. "I think I might have some issues."
"Yeah, we're way past that, Yoongi," Hoseok counters. "What issues, though?"
"I find it hard to be vulnerable in front of people," Yoongi says, his voice low. He feels as if he's reciting from a bad psychology textbook. "Even when I want to be vulnerable, I keep thinking about ways in which I can fake it."
"What does that mean?"
Yoongi looks up from his hands, at Hoseok, silently pleading for understanding. "Like, I told you so many things about myself last time. You'd consider that vulnerability, but even then, I was hiding things. I only used what I said as a shield to hide behind."
Hoseok hums, then leans back on the couch. There's a light sheen of sweat on his forehead, courtesy of the high humidity levels of the greenery. "I knew you weren't being vulnerable even before you knew, Yoongi," he says softly. "I think, in a twisted way, you know yourself less than others do - I know it's hard to wrap your head around that, but it's true."
Yoongi feels a small frown settle on his face. "How can others know me better than I know myself if I hide so much, though?"
Hoseok shakes his head. "It's not that people know your motives, or anything. No, people just realise that you lie a lot when it comes to talking about yourself," he shrugs. "You're not as stealthy as you think you are."
"Then why hasn't anyone mentioned it yet?" Yoongi asks.
Hoseok's smile is somewhat aloof. "You'd be surprised to know how many people prefer to leave the stones unturned in situations like these." When he stretches, the line of his lips flattens. "I'm guessing Jeongguk's not that kind of person, though. Right?"
Yoongi sighs, turning his head away from Hoseok. "Yeah, he… Jeongguk thinks he's in love with me," he swallows. "I'm pushing him away because I don't know how to do anything else, but he -"
"He insists, and that makes you feel conflicted and guilty," Hoseok interrupts. "Also, you don't know how to manage those emotions, so you push him away more, thinking he'll give up on you like others did before. And when he doesn't, you try to open up, but you're too scared to do that."
Yoongi stares back at Hoseok in utter silence.
"Right?"
Yoongi sighs. "Shit, yeah," he groans, purring his head in his hands. "How do I get over this fear, Hoseok-ah?"
"You open up," Hoseok laughs. "You open up and allow Jeongguk to understand you, and then the both of you find a middle way."
"That's advice I could've found on the internet." Yoongi's sleeve beeps in time with his words, but he ignores it. "You're a therapist, help me a little here."
Hoseok's huff makes Yoongi feel like a child. "You don't need therapy, Yoongi - you already know what you have to do, and you want to do it. You just need confirmation that it's the right thing to do, because -?"
Yoongi watches Hoseok for a moment before he finds the answer in the mocking tilt of his smile. "Because I'm so used to taking orders that I can't do my own business."
Hoseok pats Yoongi on the back twice. "There you go, captain. I knew you'd get it eventually."
Yoongi blows him a raspberry, then spares a glance to his sleeve monitor - it's a message from Seokjin.
Jeongguk is in the main reactor room and he's acting weird. I don't want to alert the others yet, so please come and check it out.
"Hoseok-ah, I'll see you, okay? I have to do something."
Hoseok waves with a limp hand. "See you, hyung."
Yoongi nods and starts jogging down the corridors. Thankfully, their systems held up against Kepler-186f's gravity and they didn't have to climb up corridors. The intricate layout of the ship was still Yoongi's arch nemesis, though - he knew where things were, but never could find the optimal route.
This time, however, he manages to shape the shortest way to the reactor room and finds Jeongguk just outside the door, head hung low.
The hairs on Yoongi's arms raise instantly.
"Jeongguk-ah?" he whispers, an arm's length between them. He leans in to see Jeongguk's eyes, confused as to why Jeongguk isn't happy to see him, as he always is (even after Yoongi rejected him). "Jeongguk-ah, what -"
The words die on his tongue when he notices Jeongguk is crying - not tears, but liquid light. It slips from his eyes in small rivulets which follow down his cheeks, leaving trails of luminescence on his skin. Yoongi can't tell the colours apart from one another; they're all bleeding together, fleeting between dusty hues and escaping like sparks once they fall off Jeongguk's chin.
Yoongi extends a hand towards him but stops short when Jeongguk lifts his head and looks him in the eyes. "Jeongguk, talk to me, please."
Yoongi's vision remains clear, and he doesn't feel Jeongguk between his panicked thoughts. Instead, his lips part, and a tired voice comes out between them. "They're all there, hyung."
Yoongi swallows, coming closer to Jeongguk. "Who are?" he asks, those two words the only ones he's capable of. He notices Jeongguk's skin looks dull, devoid of its usual pale yellow shine.
"Everyone from - home. Alpha Centauri B , as you call it - they're all in there," Jeongguk whispers, head turning towards the reactor room. "They're all trapped and fading, one by one…"
Yoongi's legs almost give in under his weight. "How - how do you -"
"They're crying, hyung," Jeongguk interrupts him. His tears become brighter, shifting into warmer oranges and reds - they crackle when they fall off Jeongguk's skin and explode. "I can hear them begging to live ."
Yoongi lifts a hand to touch Jeongguk's shoulder. "I - how can I help them, Jeongguk-ah?" he asks, barely pushing the words through. His stomach rolls uncomfortably, but he's thankful he can now support his weight on Jeongguk.
"Hyung, that memory of a star going out... what star was it?"
Yoongi breathes in hard, but his chest feels caved in, ribs digging into his lungs when Jeongguk's eyes widen. "What memory?" he asks, voice small. When Jeongguk frowns, Yoongi feels the ground sway under him and leans away, his hand now hanging between them.
Then Jeongguk takes a step closer, and Yoongi takes one back. He falls to the hard floor of the corridor, head spinning as he struggles to piece thoughts together - all he can see is Alpha Centauri B going off before they made the jump, again and again, faster and faster until his vision turns black.
"Wake up."
Yoongi opens his eyes to see Jeongguk kneeled over his chest, face close. "Did you do it, hyung? Did you give the order?" he asks, and Yoongi realises his voice isn't that of Proxima Jeongguk - it's different, highter, smoother.
It sounds just like the bells, just like his home star.
"Did you do it, Yoongi?" Jeongguk asks again, and his voice is monotone, doesn't match the tears forming in his eyes again, yellow and bright white. His hands are pinning Yoongi's above his head, fingers tight around his wrists, and his skin is cold, cold . "Tell me, please," he whispers in that same low droning voice, and his tears fall.
Between their faces, they explode like fireworks. Before Yoongi can close his eyes against the blinding sparks, he feels their heat on his cheeks, can hear them searing his flesh as they land. Yoongi belatedly hears himself scream, then feels his consciousness filter out into darkness.
-
Yoongi wakes up with electrodes stuck to every last bit of his body.
He knows what each of them does in a distant corner of his mind, he knows he knows, but he can't pull the memories towards him. They sit dormant under a pillow of fugitive thoughts and flashbacks that grab at his attention with a passion - images of Jeongguk's tears and the foreign emotions in his eyes, his empty voice.
The guilt hangs heavy in his chest.
"Taehyung, what - what is the situation?"
It's not Taehyung who answers him, but Jimin. "Your face is half burnt off and somehow still burning, and you were brain dead for five hours," he whispers in a funeral type of tone.
Yoongi turns towards his voice and finds Jimin's red, puffy eyes staring back at him. "And the mission?"
"That's going fine, even without you - I came back from the field an hour ago, but Namjoon and Seokjin are still out. Hoseok's doing his best to calm Jeongguk down."
At that, Yoongi sits up on the infirmary bed. "How's Jeongguk - has he tried anything…" When Jimin shakes his head for no, Yoongi sighs with relief.
"He's been… okay, if you ignore the fact that he's almost burned the greenery down with his crying," Jimin shrugs. "He keeps asking to see you, says he needs to ask you why you did something - he doesn't want to tell us what, though."
Yoongi nods slowly. "He found out what happened with Alpha B ," he whispers, mostly to himself. "I think all the others who lived on the star are trapped in our reactor - and when we jump again, we'll eradicate a whole species."
Jimin's laugh startles Yoongi. "How the fuck were we supposed to know there was life on stars, though?" he asks, his eyes stuck on Yoongi's vitals. "And what do we even do now? With every moment that passes, we consume more and more energy."
Yoongi lies back down on the bed with a shaky exhale. "I don't know, Jimin-ah, but I don't think the murderer aesthetic looks good on us." He closes his eyes against the harsh lights of the infirmary. "By the way, what's Taehyung doing?"
"Running some simulations for your face - he should be done soon, I think."
"My face?" Yoongi asks. He lifts a hand to touch his cheek (which feels as normal as it gets), but Jimin catches his wrist before he can.
"Don't touch it, we're not sure if it spreads yet," he explains.
His voice is so sure that it makes Yoongi think he missed something. "We're not sure if what spreads?" he asks, hand still in midair.
"Jeongguk's tears - if I can call them tears. Neither of us has ever seen something like it," Jimin explains. "Taehyung said it's some sort of plasma, but there's no atoms in it."
"That's exactly what I said, yeah," Taehyung pipes up. Yoongi's eyes rise to the ceiling. "I've tried every sensor we've got on board but there's nothing in there - only some intense microwave and infrared that's burning your flesh off."
Yoongi tries his best to digest the words, find some sort of meaning in them.
"Get me a mirror, now," he mutters as he tears all the electrodes he can reach. When he gets on his feet, he's overcome with the worst vertigo in his life. "Jimin-ah, get me a mirror here ," he asks, hands holding onto the edge of the mattress for dear life.
Surely enough, there's a small pocket mirror (something that hasn't been around since the 40s - has Jimin stolen it from the museum?) put in his hand in the next moment. When Yoongi manages to stabilise his right hand, he understands what Taehyung meant.
The tears aren't visible in themselves anymore, but the places they hit are searing dents in his face - his flesh is nothing if not burning, skin darkened in a way that makes Yoongi think it would ash off if he touched it. "Why am I not feeling anything?"
Jimin's laugh is one full of stress, one Yoongi can relate to. "You've got enough morphine in your veins to kill a small child, I think," he explains. "I think it beats hearing you scream while you're in a coma, though."
Yoongi looks at Jimin with wary eyes. "I did what ?"
"Yeah, you screamed while you were in a coma ," Taehyung emphasizes, rather uselessly. "That's when Jeongguk almost set the greenery on fire."
"Fuck," Yoongi declares, tearing a giggle out of Jimin. "Fuck, is he okay?"
"Not surprisingly, you're still worried about that," Taehyung says. Yoongi wishes they had implemented a sigh into his audio library so he could feel his true disappointment. "He's in your room with Hoseok now, but I am not letting you see him, under any circumstances."
Yoongi's eyes wander up slowly. "Invoking emergency privileges for Min Yoongi," he says.
"Yoongi, it's better if you stay away from him right now -"
"Revoking advising privileges for Mydrias' Artificial Intelligence Unit," Yoongi continues. "Broadcast notice - all crew members are advised to gather in the recreation room and await further instructions."
Taehyung's voice is the same when it comes on, but Yoongi can feel it's back to his prerecorded standard scheme. "Notice has been broadcast to crew members."
Jimin's hand is light when it lands on Yoongi's. "Hyung, be careful, please," he whispers simply, a little worried something caught in his eyes.
Yoongi nods before he takes a step towards the infirmary's exit. The vertigo hits again, even harder this time, and he barely manages to angle himself towards Jimin so the other can catch him.
"Shut down gravitational ambient systems," Yoongi grumbles. He breathes a sigh of relief when the pressure on his feet eases, then he pushes off Jimin.
Navigating through the corridors without gravity, he can't think of anything but the contrast between Jeongguk's voice and his eyes. He has the way to his room memorised, and every bit of his brain that's not focused on moving his limbs is concentrated around hearing Jeongguk's first words in the worst moment possible. "They're all there, hyung."
Yoongi's heart breaks a thousand times before he finally sees Hoseok waiting in front of his room.
"Yoongi, I see you haven't moved on from your career as the ship's main attraction," Hoseok says when he spots him. There's a lopsided smile on his face, tight-lipped to match the haggard look in his eyes.
Yoongi doesn't know how to react to that, so he doesn't.
Hoseok sighs when they're at an arm's length. "He is simply confused," he explains, his voice quiet as if Jeongguk were right next to them, not behind think soundproofed walls. "He doesn't know how to process his human emotions, so they're overpowering his -"
"Hoseok-ah."
Hoseok's eyes search Yoongi's face before he simply nods. "This head-first way of yours will kill you one day," he sighs. "At least I'm second in rank - you're leaving the ship on good hands, captain."
Yoongi can't help a small smile. "Until then, respect your orders," he winks before he pushes past Hoseok and opens the door to his room.
All he finds beyond is darkness - the blinds are closed, and any semblance of artificial light has been shut off. On the bed, there's Jeongguk cowered form, lit up with the gentlest white glow (which is so much paler than it used to be). He lifts his head only when the door closes behind Yoongi.
Their eyes meet, and Yoongi's vertigo is triggered in an instant. His vision is overlaid with countless colours, as if mimicking Jeongguk's eyes. "Gguk-ah," Yoongi sighs, pushing himself off the door, towards the bed, where he stops just at the edge.
For the first time, Yoongi feels he sees the not-yet-human Jeongguk, the one who landed on their ship months ago. His lips are parted, and from up close, Yoongi notices the heterochromic quality of his eyes: his left is a fiery combination of reds, oranges and yellows, whereas his right one swims in colder shades of blue and violet.
"Just tell me - did you do it, hyung?" His voice is soft, emotion filtering out between the words.
Yoongi closes his eyes and hangs his head before he answers. "Yes, I did," he whispers, the truth somehow light on his tongue. As Hoseok said, he was leaving the ship in good hands anyway.
Jeongguk's hand covers his where he's gripping the edge of the mattress. "Did you know, then? That we existed?" he asks.
Yoongi shakes his head, but he doesn't dare open his eyes yet. The morphine seems to be wearing off slowly, pinpricks of pain lighting up his face. "We didn't think there could be life on stars."
Jeongguk's fingers tighten around his hand. "You said the universe was beautiful, Yoongi - why'd you kill a star, then?"
When Yoongi looks up at Jeongguk, he realises he'd do anything to understand Jeongguk's emotions, to be able to catch the more intimate implications of his reactions. "I don't know."
"Was it love or hate?" Jeongguk's face comes closer, his eyes skimming over the wounds on Yoongi's face.
Between his thoughts, he hears Jeongguk as well. "Those tears are tied to you, you know - they show what's in your heart, so why are they still burning, Yoongi?"
Yoongi swallows. "Love, Gguk-ah, love for knowledge. I told you, love can be selfish and destructive, even if that's not its intention," he whispers, eyes pleading for Jeongguk's understanding.
"If they're tied to me, they're burning because I've never known how not to suffer."
"Your love made you destroy, and my love for you wants me to betray myself, Yoongi," Jeongguk sighs. When he leans away, Yoongi itches to follow, craves the closeness. " Forgive or forsake , you said - how do you choose between the two?"
"How do I do the right thing when you're someone I want to save?"
The wounds are now pulsing with pain, and Yoongi finds it hard to concentrate. "There's forgiveness in forsaking someone, and there's repulsion in forgiving."
Jeongguk's nod is small. "Would you do it again if you could turn back time?"
"Don't lie to me - I know who you are, hyung."
"Yes," Yoongi answers simply. Jeongguk's eyes widen as the word registers in his head, and Yoongi smiles. "Yes, and you know I'd do it - you'd want me to do it, too."
"I'm not the person you want me to be - I'm selfish and morals are past me. All I know is that meeting you is worth any life, even mine."
The room lits up with every tear that springs in Jeongguk's doe eyes - they're hot, angry vermillion, and Yoongi can feel the heat of their explosions from across the bed. As he comes closer to Jeongguk's retreating form, he smiles despite himself.
"I never wanted you to get close to me because I'm not beautiful like you imagine me to be, Gguk-ah," he whispers, hand slowly coming up to hold Jeongguk's face. Where tears overlap with his touch, they sear and burn - the pain is excruciating, but Yoongi pushes past it to gently wipe the glowing plasma from under Jeongguk's eyes.
"I pushed you away because there's always a time when people come to hate me, and I didn't want you to feel conflicted like this."
Jeongguk's hands grip at his wrists tightly. "Don't give me this serene façade, Yoongi - I know you're suffering," he pleads, pushing Yoongi's hands towards himself. "You're burning because you're feeling guilty, so do something to fix it."
Yoongi swallows. "I'll find a star for you all to go back to, then," he whispers, eyes glued to the burning cavities on his hands. "I'll save as many as I can, I promise." There are tears clouding his own vision now, rolling down his cheeks and into his wounds, evaporating on contact.
"That's not what you need, hyung, that won't save you," Jeongguk mutters. His eyes have mellowed out, the violet he wore when he heard Yoongi playing the piano back to his irises. "What you need is to solve what's here," he touches atop Yoongi's heart, gentle, "not here." The fingers in Yoongi's hair feel comforting, and instantly, the pain eases up.
A mere moment passes before Yoongi understands what Jeongguk means, and then he's slowly leaning in to rub his nose against Jeongguk's. The same fear he felt that night when Jeongguk kissed him is back, but Yoongi forgets about it as the hotness on his face and hands turns into the soothing feeling of warm tears flowing down his skin.
When he finally feels Jeongguk's lips on his, that same magical rush fills him from top to bottom.
-
Hoseok agrees to play with Yoongi's hair when they finally end up on the freudian couch. It's been hours and they haven't achieved anything.
"Hoseok-ah, how do I come to terms with being a murderer?"
Hoseok also lets Yoongi put his head on his lap (it's more comfortable than the couch's arm). "You realise the situation's not your fault - it's a consequence of decisions much larger than yourself," he says for the third time in only the last hour.
Yoongi closes his eyes and repeats the words in his head. "There are still countless souls trapped in that damned reactor, though. Even if I manage to contain my consciousness, someone has to save them."
Hoseok lightly pulls on Yoongi's hair. "Hyung, walk me through your plan again?" he asks, the tone of his voice signaling that he's tired of hearing Yoongi's plan.
That hasn't stopped Yoongi yet. "There's no way we can both save the stardwellers and continue the mission as planned," he explains (also for the third time that hour). "The closest star that they can live on is ten light years away. Going there and getting back here would only kill more of them, and our food supplies would probably run out on the way back to Kepler ."
Hoseok pats Yoongi's head a few times, although he doesn't intervene.
"On the other hand, if we continue the mission, we'll go back to Proxima with an alien on board that we can't possibly smuggle in, since he's a replica of someone who works in the academy," Yoongi continues. "And instead of coming back with groundbreaking discoveries, we'd come back as the guys who murdered an entire species."
"And what is more important, Yoongi? Our lives, or the survival of an alien species?"
Yoonhi swallows. "No matter what I choose, I'll be miserable," he mutters. "I have a duty towards you guys, but I also don't want to shoulder the blame for this massacre."
Hoseok's fingers resume their gentle prodding in Yoongi's hair. "You've been trained in the academy to be a captain , Yoongi - your duty is only towards your crew and your mission," he says, voice soft around the heavy words. "What's making you feel conflicted is the attachment you have for Jeongguk. Am I right?"
"You are," Yoongi admits. "In a way, at least - remember, you're not the one who's giving the orders."
"Yes, because I wasn't trained for it the way you were," Hoseok counters. "I'm the second-in-command because I'm trained to withstand the shock of losing you ."
At that, Yoongi's stomach rolls. "If I were to make the wrong choice, would you stop me, Hoseok-ah?"
Hoseok's hand becomes gentle against the subtle tangles in Yoongi's hair. "There's technically no wrong decision - it's just about what you consider good, Yoongi. Anything you do has consequences, so think about which ones you're able to cope with."
"You don't really like playing therapist with me, do you now?" Yoongi groans as he sits up. "I get the feeling you just want to tell me to suck it up and forget about whatever's stuck in our reactor."
Hoseok's chuckle is aloof. "I'm not to blame for your forming attachments to aliens, Yoongi," he says, his smile tight when Yoongi turns to him. "You kept yourself away from us to be objective, but now you're feeling torn when you're expected to make a decision."
Yoongi swallows. "Then are you ready to declare a whole species dead , Hoseok?" he whispers, doing his best to calm his slightly shaking hands.
Hoseok's eyes seem made of steel when he nods. "Yes, if it means I can keep every one of my friends on this ship safe."
Yoongi blinks once before the lights of the greenery turn red and the emergency alarms begin blaring out.
They're both on their feet in a moment. When Yoongi checks the ship's map on his sleeve monitor, he sees the energy funneling sector pulsing with countless red dots. "Fuck, what's happening?"
Taehyung (who's now back, although he refuses to acknowledge Yoongi's presence more than he has to) answers him. "Jeongguk's just pulled 6,784 entities through the energy funnel," he explains. "They're really similar to what he was when he first appeared, although they all seem to possess slightly different emission patterns."
Yoongi stares at his sleeve monitor, mouth agape until Hoseok speaks. "It seems our alien has fixed our dilemma," he says simply, voice as baffled as Yoongi feels. "I propose we declare him captain of the mission."
Yoongi throws him a frown. "I'm doing my best, okay?"
Taehyung doesn't let Hoseok counter that. "The entities have started to shift into known species," he announces. "I'm not sure how, or why , but the funneling sector is turning into a zoo."
Yoongi didn't think he'd hear that word outside of Earth History class. "Taehyung-ah, give us a visual."
And sure enough, when the camera footage pans onto his monitor, he sees everything he hadn't thought possible - all sorts of animals he's only ever seen in textbooks are roaming around, curious yet not scared. Squirrels, rabbits, foxes, and countless insects and birds (some of which are largely interested in the camera, or rather, in blocking its view) - they're all over the small room, and Yoongi realises something.
"Six thousand animals won't fit in that tiny room," he whispers.
Hoseok looks at him, and his eyes widen dramatically. "Fuck, Taehyung, open a route outside now ."
-
Yoongi takes his first steps on Kepler-186f at sunrise.
"You guys didn't mention it was this cool," he says as he jumps off the landing platform and onto a fiery red rocky ground. Everywhere he looks, there's dense forests covering every bit of blueing horizon, and when he crouches and touches the stone, he feels gentle drops of dew gather on the tips of his fingers.
"We weren't sure you'd survive," Jimin quips, landing a friendly pat on Yoongi's shoulder. "You must admit, though, Namjoon and Taehyungie did a great job with the landscaping."
Yoongi nods. "I really didn't think Namjoon could pull off spawning an entire biome when we left Proxima ," he giggles. "And now Jeongguk's got us fucking Earth animals too."
Seokjin puts an arm around Yoongi's shoulders before he speaks. "I was really wondering what squirrel stew was like, you know," he sighs, then yelps when Namjoon pinches him.
"Those animals are Jeongguk's friends, hyung - we're not going to cook them," Namjoon scolds. "If you want squirrel soup, take a trip to Earth when we get back."
Hoseok's laugh is a largely relieved one. "I love to see a mentally stable crew joking around like that," he boasts, pushing past Yoongi to run towards the forests. "Last one to that tree is a loser," he yells when he's got a good headstart.
That doesn't stop the others from trying to catch up with him, though.
Not Yoongi, though, who's still recovering from a morphine almost-overdose. Instead, he sits down on the wet stone and contemplates the sky, wondering about nothing in particular.
"I heard you talking to Hoseok," Jeongguk breaks the silence. He's still up on the landing platform, curiously peering down at Yoongi. "What would you have done, hyung? Saved the others or continued with the mission?"
When he jumps down, Yoongi pats the ground next to him to invite him to sit down. "I wouldn't have been able to choose," he says, looking at Jeongguk's hand resting between them. "I was almost content to have the same fight with Hoseok until someone else made the decision for me."
Jeongguk's laugh resembles the bells he let Yoongi hear in his memories. "And now you've got six thousand telepathic animals to populate your new planet," he sighs. "I think that ought to outdo Armstrong."
Yoongi feels laughter bubble up in his throat at the mention of the astronaut. "Jeongguk-ah, you must understand that humans are tied to the past, no matter what. We crave that comfort and vintage sense of accomplishment, if you know what I mean. Armstrong isn't still popular because he did something cool, it's because that first step makes even the most stupid person feel proud of themselves."
Jeongguk's eyes are full of mirth when Yoongi spares him a glance. "But not you, Min Yoongi," he teases. "You'd shit on the past if you could."
"I would," Yoongi nods. "And, I was thinking…"
"Hmm?"
With a small breath of encouragement, Yoongi lets his hand rest on Jeongguk's; his skin is soft and warm, warm under the first light of the morning. "I wanted to ask if you'd want to stay here - just the two of us. Hoseok's more than capable of leading everyone back home, and no one's going to come here for at least ten years."
Jeongguk's smile is nothing if not sweet. "You did mention you'd like to retire to the countryside," he giggles, his nose scrunching up with his smile. "But I don't think that's the reason you're ready to give up the mission, hyung."
Yoongi shakes his head before he leans in closer to Jeongguk. "I'm tired of having to be responsible, of having to hide myself under this façade," he whispers, lowly enough that he won't be heard by the others, who are now coming back to the ship. "I want to allow myself the life I want, even if it's not the life I've been preparing for."
Jeongguk's breath is warm and almost wet on Yoongi's lips. "Then, can we finally check if kisses are universal? Without having to worry about your passion for denying yourself?" he asks. Before Yoongi can push a yes between his lips, Jeongguk kisses him, mouth gentle and chaste against Yoongi's.
A starling sings its first trill in the distance as Min Yoongi finally finds his peace, farther away from home than he could ever imagine. And yet, he's closer to his heart than he has ever been before.