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It was wrong how pristine his designer suit looked when the crackle of magic wore off. The leather of his transformation hadn’t crumpled the jacket or crisply ironed pants beneath. His breathing came hard and haggard as if he’d run for kilometers—he had—yet not a spot of sweat dotted the white button-up.
He wished he could tear the expensive clothes off. He settled for shrugging out of the suit jacket and collapsing on the roof of Montparnasse Tower.
“Adrien?” Plagg asked, his voice as soft and brittle as it had been moments before Adrien called claws out and trapped him in the ring. “Please, kid, say something.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, warding off tears that shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t come. He was a superhero. Tonight was—was a success, even if the bile rising in his throat said otherwise. He’d finally found the secret that he and Ladybug had been searching for these three years.
Hawkmoth’s identity.
“Shouldn’t have… eaten so many pastries,” he said through a grimace.
“Kid, now isn’t the time for jokes! I saw what you did. Your dad is—”
“Not my dad.” He clenched his teeth. Not now, not ever. Just not. “And I… wasn’t joking.”
He really shouldn’t have snuck so many pastries at the party. Maybe then his stomach wouldn’t be threatening to empty itself all over the roof every time he moved.
It was a weak excuse, but easier than facing the panic that pulsed hotter with each breath.
“Adrien…”
“You should hide,” he whispered. “Ladybug will be here any minute.”
Plagg crossed his arms. “No way. I’m staying out here where I can spot any butterflies before they fly into that thick skull of yours.”
Normally Adrien would’ve laughed, but he was pretty sure if he tried, he’d end up either crying or vomiting. He might do both anyway.
“He only had one. In his cane.”
He swallowed, trying to stop the flash of purple light from echoing against his eyelids, the way it had reflected on the hall’s polished hardwood.
“You don’t know that. There’s no telling what your—what Hawkmoth has up his sleeves.”
Plagg was right. There was too much he didn’t know about Hawkmoth. Too much he didn’t know about the man he used to call Father.
He wouldn’t akumatize me, he wanted to believe. Even if he has another butterfly, he wouldn’t. He told Nathalie to keep me safe.
“Are you going to tell her?” Plagg asked. “Shouldn’t you suit up again? I snuck enough cheese cubes at the party. I’m good for another round.”
Things were really bad if Plagg wasn’t demanding Camembert before transforming again. It was the biggest proof Adrien had that he wasn’t overreacting.
“No. I told her that Adrien wanted to talk to her when I called.”
Plagg’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”
But then red streaked across the indigo haze, and the kwami darted into his abandoned suit jacket.
“Adrien!” Ladybug effortlessly transitioned from her swing into a run, then to kneeling at his side. “What’s wrong? Chat told me you needed to see me as soon as possible—”
And then he was crumbling into her arms, barely holding back the saltwater behind his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, because they weren’t friends. They weren’t anything. Right now he was just a civilian, and she was the hero of Paris. Sure, she’d saved Adrien a time or two (or three, or seventeen; he’d journaled about each occasion in excruciating detail). But that didn’t give him the right to just hold her, or be held by her.
Plagg had asked why. This was the pathetic truth. Adrien was nobody to her, while Chat Noir was supposed to be her support against Hawkmoth.
Chat Noir wasn’t allowed to cry over his father.
“What happened? Are you hurt? Was there an akuma?” Ladybug’s questions came rapid-fire as she shifted him into a more comfortable position, his head cradled in the crook of her neck. “Why did Chat Noir leave you here alone?”
All he could do was shake silently, a few tears breaking free of their dam and spilling down the groove of her spine. Pathetic. He was pathetic, and overemotional, and everything Father had accused him of, and—
“Father is Hawkmoth,” he choked out.
There. At least he’d given her the information she needed. He’d been useful for something.
Ladybug jerked back, and for a moment he thought she’d release him, treat him as if he was as tainted as his father. But she only pulled back far enough to meet his wet eyes. It was hard not to flinch under her searching gaze.
“Did he hurt you? Oh my gosh, he didn’t try to akumatize you, did he?”
“I… no. Not me.” He bit his lip. “One of the designers at the party, I think. He—he was insulting her designs, and then he left and…”
Purple light.
“Nooroo, dark wings rise!”
His enemy standing at the end of the deserted hallway, his back to Adrien.
“Keep my son away from the battle, Nathalie.”
“Yes, sir.”
Ladybug’s arms enfolding him. Rocking him gently back and forth, her hand stroking up and down his spine, warm through the thin dress shirt.
“It’s going to be okay, Adrien. Chat Noir and I, we’ll… well. We’ll have to take him down,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” He gave a shaky laugh.
He wouldn’t count on Chat Noir being too useful in this fight. What if he hesitated? What if he wasn’t strong enough to fight back against the man who had taken his freedom for so long?
“Because he’s your dad,” she said as if that was obvious. “I’ve never liked the way he treats you, but still… you’ve already lost so much.”
“You—you know?” Not only did she know, but she cared. About Adrien.
It was almost enough to push out the thick panic lining his lungs.
“Er—forget I said that,” she mumbled. “Do you have somewhere to stay, if… what am I saying! I can’t do this to you.”
He felt a few drops of water soak through his sleeve. At first he thought it was rain, before he heard Ladybug’s sniffle.
“Ladybug, I-I’m sorry.”
He pulled back, wishing he could kiss away the tears from the lip of her mask, the curve of her cheeks.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Adrien.” She wiped the offending water away with the back of her hand. “I just wish there was some way to stop Hawkmoth without taking away the last family you have left.”
That was what she was worried about? He thought she might be frightened at the thought of finally facing Hawkmoth, but he should’ve known better. She was made of firmer stuff than that.
“He’s not,” he said firmly.
“W-what?”
“He’s not my family. Not anymore. Not after what he’s done to Paris, to my friends, to—to you.” His voice barely stumbled over those last words.
Her lips parted in surprise, and despite everything else that had happened tonight, he still wished he could kiss her. Maybe some of her courage would rub off on him, diffuse into his lungs.
“He’s never really been much of a father to me, anyway,” he mumbled before she could catch the blush staining his cheeks. “I kept hoping, and hoping, and sometimes he’d do something that would surprise me, like let me watch mom’s movie or duet with me, but then he’d—he’d just shut me out, and I told myself it was just because he missed mom, that he’d get better, but he—”
His shoulders shook in a silent sob. Why was he saying all this? Just because he’d always wanted to confide in Ladybug didn’t mean she’d want to hear it. He’d just told her Hawkmoth’s identity; she’d want to make a plan with Chat Noir.
He couldn’t be Chat Noir. Not now. Not until he could bury his hurt and anger and grief so far down that Hawkmoth would never find it.
Because Hawkmoth might not akumatize Adrien Agreste, but he would have no problem taking advantage of Chat Noir.
“You deserve so much better than him, Adrien.” She kept up the soothing motion on his back, and he tried to time his inhales with each stroke up, exhales with each stroke down. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re so kind, and forgiving, and just… good. And you’ve been living with him.”
“I’m not, though.” He shook his head, accidentally shaking off her embrace. He fell back onto his heels, arms wrapping around his knees. “I’m not forgiving. I don’t know that I can ever forgive him for…”
For pretending to care about me.
Gabriel didn’t care. For all that he said “Keep my son away from the battle,” he could care less whether anyone else got hurt. All he wanted was to lock Adrien in a glass care where he could be seen but never touched, like an enchanted rose in a fairy tale.
“You don’t have to, you know,” she murmured and placed a hand on his knee.
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I know. I think. I don’t…”
A pathetic whimper escaped him. If his father—if Hawkmoth had another butterfly, Adrien would be a prime akuma target, family or not.
It was just too much.
“You don’t have to know. Just breathe for now. Breathe with me.”
He’d lost the rhythm when he broke their embrace. Now like a plant seeking the sun, he folded back into her arms.
Breathe. Breathe. He wasn’t alone. His Lady wouldn’t leave him alone.
“Thank you, my—Ladybug.”
“Of course, Adrien. I’ll always be here to protect you.”
Warmth flooded his veins at her words, but guilt quickly mixed with it.
“I was supposed to protect you,” he whispered.
“What?”
“N-nothing.” His face heated. He pressed his cheek to her shoulder, where she wouldn’t see. “Do you have a plan?” He asked to change the subject.
“Not yet. I’m kind of too mad at your dad to think straight right now.” She laughed shakily. Even broken as the sound was, it was hard not to join in.
“Join the club.”
A jolt ran through him as he realized what he’d said.
He was mad at his father. He was allowed to be mad at his father. No more excuses for his behavior, no more hoping next time would be different.
His father was Hawkmoth, and Adrien was angry enough to fight him.
“I should call Chat Noir. He’s pretty good at coming up with plans when he wants to. I also want his explanation for why he left you alone on this roof.”
He winced at that. “I’m sure he had a good reason.”
She frowned. “I can’t think of anything more important than keeping you safe. Did you tell him that Gabriel is Hawkmoth? I hope he didn’t do anything reckless...”
“Er… technically, no. I didn’t tell him, I mean.”
Her eyes widened. “Was he with you when you found out?”
“...Something like that.” His pulse raced at the thought of her connecting the dots. For so long he’d wanted her to know her identity, but now? She would never be able to trust him to help take down Hawkmoth.
He wanted to bring the terrorist to justice. He of all people deserved to.
The anger pumping in his veins was still unfamiliar, still mixed with fear and guilt and grief. But he wouldn’t back down, wouldn’t hesitate. His Lady would be depending on him to be strong when the time came.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” She asked quietly. He barely heard her over the whistling breeze.
Yes. No. I don’t know.
“I think… if we could just stay like this for a while… that would be nice.”
She held him tighter. “Of course.”
He could feel her heartbeat. Or maybe it was his. It was hard to tell while he clung to her like she was his raft in the center of a storm. He would be strong, later. But for now, he allowed himself this.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed before the arms around him loosened, letting the cold back in. It still wasn’t long enough. He guessed it never would be.
“Adrien?” Ladybug’s bottom lip was trapped between her teeth.
“Yeah?” He asked, suddenly worried that he’d asked too much of her.
“I was going to offer to take you home, but… will you be safe there? Do you need somewhere else to stay?”
It was a question he had to confront, but he’d hoped to put off a little longer. Gabriel would notice if he was gone. At least, Nathalie would, and she would tell him. It would be even more obvious if he never returned to the party.
But could he really go back?
“I’ll… I’ll find somewhere,” he said, fear barely giving way to resolve. Or maybe it was just a different kind of fear. He couldn’t go back. Returning would be the smart thing—it would keep suspicion off of him, and it would give him a chance to spy on Hawkmoth. But the thought made him more sick than the half-dozen pastries he’d eaten.
How often did he see Gabriel at home, anyway?
“I’m not leaving until I know you’re safe,” Ladybug said firmly. “Where do you want me to take you?”
Where? Who would take him in on no notice, wouldn’t ask questions, wouldn’t send him back to Gabriel?
“Nino,” he realized near instantly. “I think… I know I’ll be safe with him.”
Ladybug’s smile lit up the whole rooftop. “Then if you’re ready, I’ll be your personal chauffeur tonight.”
She held her arm out and bowed, like she was trying to imitate Chat Noir. He was sure he’d made that exact motion before. Had she realized who he was? Or was she just borrowing her partner’s humor to try to cheer him up?
It worked, of course. The fact that he had an excuse to cling to her as they swung across the rooftops didn’t hurt, either. For a moment he could pretend they were just doing this for fun, that she was escorting him to a normal slumber party instead of helping him escape his terrorist father.
Too soon they were landing in the alley on the side of Nino’s apartment building.
“I can come with you inside, if you want. Or—at least make sure Nino’s home. I won't leave you alone. I mean—I will leave you alone, if you don’t want me bothering you, but not alone alone—I won’t leave you by yourself. That’s all.”
He smiled to put her at ease. “Don’t worry. He gave me a spare key, just in case anything happened.”
Nino had probably meant it in case Gabriel ever grew too controlling to handle. He couldn’t have predicted this.
“Alright, then, um… is there anything else you need? You don’t have any clothes, or—or a toothbrush! What are you going to do without a toothbrush? You might get cavities, and your teeth would fall out, and then you’d have to get dentures, and—”
“Whoa, my Lady, my teeth are made of stronger stuff than that.” He grinned. She was so cute when she got flustered like that. He’d never seen it before, yet it felt strangely familiar. “But if it would make you feel better, there are a few things I’d like from my room.”
“Of course. Just tell me what and I’ll bring it.”
Adrien smiled. What had he done to deserve Ladybug going out of her way for him? She sounded more worried for him than about taking down Hawkmoth. Could she know his identity? No, that was just Ladybug; she’d do this for anyone. Right?
“I don’t want to ask for too much,” he said, suddenly embarrassed. There were a few things he could use, but didn’t want Ladybug to see. Namely, his underwear (Ladybug boxers) and the Ladybug doll he’d commissioned from Marinette.
“Don’t worry about it, really. I just want you to be as comfortable as you can through all this.”
She looked at him with those soft eyes, ones he wished he didn’t have to share with the rest of Paris. Standing in the shadowed alley, he could pretend that look was reserved just for him.
“Thank you, Ladybug.” His cheeks warmed, but he dug a napkin and pen out of his pocket, jotting down a short list against the brick wall.
“Thank you, Adrien.” She smiled as she accepted the scrap. “Go ahead and go inside. I’ll be back before you know it.”
She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, but before he could melt into a puddle of goo, she was swinging off again.
His fingers brushed the still-warm skin. “Plagg, did that really just happen?”
No reply. Right. Plagg had been in his jacket, still at the top of Montparnasse Tower. Adrien didn’t know how long it would take the kwami to fly all the way to Nino’s apartment, but hopefully Ladybug wouldn’t need Chat Noir before then.
He turned his keys over in his pocket, but suddenly felt daunted at the thought of going inside. Ladybug’s presence had cheered him up, but if he had to explain everything about Hawkmoth to Nino… he wasn’t ready to talk about it again. Soon, but not now.
Besides, Ladybug would be back before he knew it.
XXX
Marinette wouldn’t be distracted by Adrien’s desk, Adrien’s scent, Adrien’s bed. She wasn’t here because of her crush. She was just here for him.
Besides, this might as well not be his room anymore. He’d only be keeping the items she could fit in his satchel.
She pushed aside her deep sadness at the thought. Adrien’s father—Gabriel Agreste—was Hawkmoth. She’d had that theory a couple years ago, but she’d never wanted to be proven right.
Best not to dwell on that now though. Who knew when Gabriel would come back from the fashion gala? Hopefully he would be delayed looking for Adrien. If Gabriel even cared he was missing.
She pushed down half-baked plots of strangling the man and got to work. A few things were already in his satchel, like his tablet and homework. Most other items were easy to find—Adrien’s flash drive, his journal (she didn’t peek), a phone charger, his wallet, the Stationation record that once belonged to his mom. That took her back. Joining the Hardy Camp dance at his party two years ago was still one of her favorite memories, even if she’d had to dress up as “Marino” for it.
The hardest find was actually the lucky charm she’d given him the day they first played Ultimate Mecha Strike together. It was tucked under his pillow, the red string just barely poking out. She tried not to think of what it might mean.
That still left plenty of space in the satchel. He hadn’t written down underwear, but Marinette figured he’d appreciate not having to borrow Nino’s. Ignoring her embarrassment, she opened drawers until she found one with… oh.
Her cheeks heated at the sight of his neatly folded Ladybug boxers.
“Maybe he just likes polka dots,” she muttered, shaking her head and stuffing them at the bottom of the bag.
That theory seemed pretty flimsy after finding his Ladybug pajamas. She packed those too, for good measure. What else might he need that he hadn’t thought of? He probably didn’t want any Gabriel-brand clothes, so she threw in a few newer pants, shirts, and socks that didn’t bear his father’s logo.
She threw the bag over her shoulder and scanned the napkin, making sure she’d honored all of his requests. Her brow furrowed when she noticed a word that had been written on a folded corner.
“Cheese?” That was weird. She’d never known Adrien to enjoy cheese; if anything he’d wrinkled his nose at it. He used to like passionfruit flavored desserts and quiche, but maybe his taste had changed over the years?
She shrugged and searched the room until she found a minifridge by his desk. She pulled the door open and—
“Ack!”
She slammed the door on the big black rat she glimpsed inside. But Adrien needed this cheese, for some reason. Should she summon a Lucky Charm to deal with the rodent?
“Woah, pigtails, don’t freak out.” The black creature phased through the door and—
Oh. Oh. That wasn’t a rat, obviously. But what was Plagg doing here, unless—
“Oh my gosh.” She slapped her hands to her cheeks. This couldn’t be Plagg’s cheese. Not in Adrien’s room. Could it?
“Oh swiss, you’re freaking out. Why did you have to look in the cheese fridge?” Plagg threw his tiny arms in the air.
“You… what are you doing here?” She asked. He’d gone all the way to her school before just to eat cheese. Maybe he’d done the same thing here. She couldn’t jump to conclusions.
Plagg laughed awkwardly. “Nothing! Just eating some Camembert. You know that’s my favorite cheese. Nothing weird about that.”
She bent down, eyes narrowing as she stared into the fridge. “Except for the fact that Adrien has a whole refrigerator of it.”
“Technically it’s just a minifridge.”
She glared at Plagg, who grinned nervously. She didn’t have the heart to be mad at him though, not after everything else that had already happened tonight. She could hardly be surprised either.
It was only fitting that her partner would be the most wonderful boy in the world, but have the worst luck.
“It’s him, isn’t it,” she murmured, her throat tightening. “Adrien. He’s Chat Noir.”
“...Yeah. Yeah, he’s my kid. The best kid I could hope for.” Plagg’s smile felt older than he normally let on. He was thousands of years old; he must have had plenty of holders before. His voice sounded genuine though, if tinged with sadness.
“And you never realized he was living with Hawkmoth?” She couldn’t help asking. “Couldn’t you—I don’t know, feel Nooroo or something?”
Couldn’t you have saved him? Her heart cracked. Chat Noir occasionally dropped hints about his lonely home life, much more than he had as Adrien. Probably because Chat’s anonymous father didn’t have a reputation to tarnish.
Couldn’t I have saved him?
Guilt threatened to weigh her down, but she tried to shake it off. Adrien’s situation was no one’s fault but Gabriel’s—but Hawkmoth’s.
At least when she took down Hawkmoth, she’d get to punch the two people she hated most.
“Believe me, Pigtails, I wish I had,” Plagg murmured. “I’ve wanted an excuse to Cataclysm his dad for ages.”
Well, at least they were on the same page there.
“Sorry. I know it’s not your fault.” She shook her head. “I just never thought—”
Plagg’s ears twitched, his whiskers jolting up.
“What?”
“Shh,” he hissed, flying up to press a paw to her lips.
She went cross-eyed looking at him, but did as she was told.
Footsteps. Definitely footsteps.
“That irresponsible boy is always running off! And you were supposed to be keeping an eye on him!”
Gabriel’s furious voice, getting closer.
“Come on, move it!” Plagg whispered, tossing a wheel of cheese into Adrien’s satchel.
Marinette threw it over her shoulder and was out the window before the footsteps could arrive.
XXX
Adrien paced back and forth beside the apartment building, trying not to worry. Ladybug hadn’t been gone that long. She might have had trouble finding his lucky charm; he couldn’t remember if he’d written down the right place to look. Had he left it under his pillow again? That was always dangerous in case the cleaning staff came in and bundled it with his sheets.
Of course, it was dangerous to have it left it behind in the first place. Maybe if he’d had it on him… but no, no amount of luck would have stopped Gabriel from being Hawkmoth. Rolling the beads between his fingers might have soothed his rapid heartbeat, though.
He felt naked without Plagg. With just his own thoughts boiling inside his head. He should really go inside, or at least call Nino, or… anything. He felt like an NPC trapped in a predetermined loop. Five paces forward, turn, five paces back. The rhythm was the only thing keeping him from cracking again.
It was easier to be strong when Ladybug was here. But he wouldn’t let his resolve waver. One, two, three, four, five. Turn. One, two, three, four, five. Don’t think. One, two, three—
“Adrien!” Ladybug’s voice called, and then she was swinging down into the alley. His school bag hung from her shoulder; it looked too big for her. “What are you still doing out here? I thought you were going inside. You didn’t get locked out, did you? Is Nino not home?”
“I—I don’t know,” he admitted, shrinking under the rapid questions. “I was… too much of a coward to go in yet.”
Ladybug’s eyes widened. “Adrien. You could never be a coward.”
She stepped forward, and his pulse quickened as she reached for his hand.
“You’re the bravest person I know...”
She lifted his hand to her lips, which brushed the skin of his knuckle just above his ring. He shivered, his eyes held captive by hers.
“...my Kitty.”
Everything in him turned to slush. How did she find out? Why did she have to find out now? He registered that she didn’t look angry, or disappointed—if anything, her soft smirk was exactly the expression he always longed to see.
“My Lady…” His voice shook. She still hadn’t let go of his hand. “How can you say that? I couldn’t even talk to you as your partner. I should’ve been supporting you so we can defeat Hawkmoth, and instead I…”
Tears welled in his eyes. Pathetic. Too overly dramatic… Why wouldn’t Father’s—Gabriel’s words leave him alone?
“Instead you left the only family you had. You risked everything by telling me his identity. You’ve done so much. So just let me take care of you for a minute, okay?”
A shuddering breath escaped him. His hand tightened around hers, as if she’d disappear at any moment.
But she wouldn’t. She knew who he was, and she was here.
“O-okay. Just—you’ll still let me fight him, won’t you?” He hadn’t meant to ask that yet, but he needed to know. She wouldn’t replace him right after telling him how brave he was, right?
“Like I’d let her take me away from you, kid.” Plagg flew out of his satchel, phasing directly through the flap.
Adrien jumped in surprise, but it made sense. It was probably Plagg who’d given away his identity, if not the lifetime supply of Camembert. Putting cheese on the list had been unavoidable though. He could probably only make one last withdrawal with his debit card before Gabriel froze his accounts, and tracking expensive cheese purchases would be too easy.
“I wouldn’t force you to fight him, but I’d never make you stay away, either.” Ladybug smiled, her thumb running soothingly over the back of his hand. “To be honest, I’m relieved you still want to though. I don’t know that I’d stand a chance without you.”
He laughed quietly. “Somehow I doubt that.”
She gave him the Look. The Look was usually reserved for when he made a pun at an incredibly inopportune moment, or when he flirted with her just a little too much, or (on very rare occasions) when he flirted with someone other than her. He hadn’t done any of those things this time.
“Stop that, Chat. You know you’re irreplaceable. Or… I want you to know you are. I don’t tell you enough.”
“Thank you, my Lady,” he whispered reverently. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”
Her smile could have lit the Eiffel Tower. “I know you won’t. You never have.”
A wave of calm washed over him. His Lady would never lie.
“You and me against the world, one more time?” He would have held his fist out for a bump, but his hand was still wrapped in hers. That suited him just fine.
She pulled him into a tight hug, her words tickling the shell of his ear.
“You and me against the world, always.”