Chapter Text
'My son?'
It wasn't the greeting he should give. He would need both hands to count out the rules he had broken but the question was the first thing to leave his lips all the same.
'I'll bring him to you,' his brother replied, eyes moving swiftly over his form, concern marring the smooth line of his brow, 'Wangji?'
'My son,' he said again, the wards nothing to him as he continued his path into the sanctuary of Cloud Recesses.
He heard Lan Xichen hesitate behind him and he almost turned back to reassure him but the words tasted like ash on his tongue. What could he say of his journey? What could he say he achieved three years too late that others had not achieved in the days after the battle at Nightless City? He had not set out with hope but with determination, to find something, anything, just the slightest hint of a presence. Surely if anyone... He shook away the train of thought, it had served him no purpose, just added another weight he had been forced to carry on the relentless, heartbreaking journey.
Wei Ying was gone. Utterly and completely and Lan Wangji's heart was bereft, a hollow in his chest beneath the brand he had forced into his skin in the hope of somehow wearing some permanent reminder of his friend's pain.
'Wangji.' The name now said with more force, a hand taking hold of his arm with the same gentle firmness that had been a constant throughout his life. 'You need to change and rest. Yuan is in his classes and Uncle will not be happy if I remove him now. You look...tired.'
He spared his brother a glance, the concern in his voice chipping a little at the ice he had not shaken off since he had emerged from his punishment. 'The journey was long,' he said, 'An hour. My son.'
Lan Xichen nodded, releasing his hold on him though the worry did not leave his face. 'An hour then.'
The hour dragged itself along at a stubborn pace and even after bathing, changing into fresh robes and once more drawing the mantle of a well-bred Lan disciple around himself, Lan Wangji still found time to pace the floor. The walls around him had never been a sanctuary, even when his mother had been alive they had been closer to a cell than a home, a cage. It was stifling, weighing him down, memories of pain and fever and his brother's worried face flashing through his mind before once more he was on the jagged black cliff, holding on with all that was left in him to the man who had once called himself his soulmate, even as he pleaded to be released.
His nails were digging crescents into his palms when the quiet voice at the door broke him from the horror in his head, Wei Ying's frighteningly peaceful face as he fell slowly replaced by the familiar surrounds of his home.
'Wangji?'
He hastily swiped at his cheeks, removing any trace of the emotion of moments before. Breathing deeply, he drew himself tall and headed for the door, sliding it open to reveal his brother, a hand already held up to placate him as he spoke.
'He is with Uncle,' said Lan Xichen, 'He wants to speak with you.'
Lan Wangji nodded, closing the door behind him as he fell into step behind his brother, refusing to allow his mind to turn over the what ifs that threatened to overwhelm him. He had not taken his leave of his uncle when he had left Cloud Recesses the moment his punishment was over, knowing he would be swiftly waylaid by some task deemed useful and necessary if he had even hinted at his wishes to leave. Where he once would have awaited his punishment, accepted it, asked for it, he now bore it little thought.
He could see the occasional tightening in his brother's shoulders as he followed behind him but no words followed. The pair of them soon coming to a pause outside their uncle's door.
'One word of advice,' said Lan Xichen, his voice low, 'Listen.'
He gave the smallest nod, the gesture enough to satisfy it seemed as the door was slid open and they stepped inside.
Yuan had grown. It was the first thought in his head as his eyes fell upon the boy, knelt beside his uncle's table, robes neat and ordered but his face broke into a bright smile as he looked up at their entry.
'Hanguang-Jun!' he exclaimed, hands pressing on the table as he moved to stand but Lan Qiren's barked command stayed him.
'Sit!'
Lan Wangji watched as Yuan's lip trembled before he forced it away, kneeling neatly once more as he kept his eyes on his hands folded in his lap.
'Wangji. Xichen. Sit down,' said Lan Qiren, gesturing to the empty seats at the table.
Lan Wangji was grateful as his brother took his seat next to Lan Qiren, leaving the place next to Yuan free. The boy glanced up as he sat down beside him, a tiny smile once more gracing his lips and Lan Wangji ignored the annoyed huff from his uncle as he reached out a hand and laid it gently against the boy's head.
'It is good to see you, A-Yuan,' he said, before he folded his hands neatly in his lap and turned his attention to his uncle.
'Your journey?' said Lan Qiren, eyes hard as he regarded Lan Wangji across the table.
'Necessary,' replied Lan Wangji, 'And...done.'
Lan Qiren nodded, satisfied with the words unsaid. 'And now?'
'I am here.'
'We did not have a chance to speak before you left,' said Lan Qiren, 'But Xichen informed me of your intentions in regards to We...this child.'
'It is my intention to raise Yuan as my own, formally now that I may,' said Lan Wangji, 'I believe those who loved him before would have wanted it.'
Lan Qiren's face hardened. 'The wishes of those outside of our clan do not hold sway,' he said, 'It is my belief that, if we are to offer shelter, it will be to a foundling who should be kept humble.'
Lan Wangji felt the bite of his nails against his palms once more as he saw Yuan's confused face look between him and his uncle. 'Zewu-Jun,' he said, 'Perhaps Yuan would benefit from a walk.'
Lan Xichen took a breath, looking from Lan Wangji to his uncle, the moment paused as though seconds from crashing into turmoil before Lan Qiren nodded gruffly.
'Yuan, come take a walk with me,' he said, getting to his feet.
Yuan stood, eyes wide as he looked at Lan Wangji who nodded, hoping to comfort him even when he longed to rise and leave with him. The child seemed contented for the moment, remembering himself as he bowed to Lan Qiren, his balance failing him but he kept his feet and Lan Qiren waved him away with a tut.
'We will not go far,' said Lan Xichen, taking the child's hand and leading him back outside.
Silence reigned but Lan Wangji did not break it, instead he held his uncle's gaze until finally, Lan Qiren chose to speak.
'If you continue to insist upon saddling yourself with this Wen boy, you will be going against the direct wishes of your family.'
'I will be going against your wishes,' said Lan Wangji, 'Xichen has not given me any indication that he disapproves. I intend to raise Yuan as my son. It is my duty to do so.'
'Duty to whom?' said Lan Qiren, 'What do you owe the Wen who slaughtered our own?'
'Yuan was not part of that offence,' said Lan Wangji.
'That is beside the point. He is not suitable to be raised as your son. The rumour alone...'
'Rumour does not matter,' said Lan Wangji, 'Grand Master, Yuan is my responsibility and I intend to raise him. He will be my son. Whether he is my son here, or elsewhere, is your choice.'
'Have you learned nothing?' snapped Lan Qiren, 'You seem determined to bring shame upon us.'
'That is not my intent,' said Lan Wangji, 'My only wish is to raise my son.'
'It will endanger all if people find out what he is.'
'Then they will not find out,' said Lan Wangji, 'He will be raised as a Lan. He does not remember anything of before or who he was. Xichen and I have not told him and I do not plan to. I wish to keep him safe.'
'Raised as a Lan,' said Lan Qiren, though there was no question in his tone, 'With no influence from outside. I will not have our ways polluted and he is already behind.'
'I will teach him.'
'You have other duties.'
'I will make time.'
Lan Qiren sighed, 'You refuse to be moved on this.'
'I do,' said Lan Wangji, 'I am sorry to pain you but I have made my decision.'
'He will be raised as a Lan,' said his uncle, mimicking his words of moments before, 'He will not be given any special treatment.'
'I would not expect it.'
'His name then?'
Lan Wangji allowed himself a small smile, a courtesy name for his adopted son something he had thought of from the moment he had taken the split-second decision to raise the child as his own. It was a secret he had kept close to his heart, reminding him it was still within even as he sometimes failed to feel its beat. 'Sizhui,' he said, 'Lan Sizhui.'
Lan Qiren nodded. 'Acceptable,' he said, 'He will be expected in the morning. You may go.'
For his entire life he had been taught restraint, poise, calm but in that moment it took all his training and every ounce of discipline he had not to rush from the room. Instead he rose slowly, offering his uncle a bow before heading for the door.
'Wangji. Whilst I may permit this, there is one thing I will not allow. I will not hear the name of Wei Wuxian uttered anywhere within Cloud Recesses.'
Lan Wangji paused only briefly, fingers clenching tighter in the small of his before he continued to the door. He refused to let his uncle's final words sour his mood, not when he soon saw his brother crouched beside Yuan, the pair of them studying one of the few ornate trees that decorated the courtyard. He could almost envy Lan Xichen, so free with his smiles as he spoke quietly to the child, raising one from Yuan in return. He knew the moment Lan Xichen realised his presence, a soft word spoken to distract the child before he looked up with a question in his eyes. Lan Wangji nodded and his brother turned away once more, speaking again to Yuan before the boy looked up with a smile.
'Do not run,' said Lan Xichen gently, watching with a small smile as Yuan fell into the helpless, rushing waddle that all the young disciples were victim of when they were trying to cover as much ground as they could without breaking the rules.
'Hanguang-Jun,' said the boy his face trembling between a smile and tears as Lan Wangji crouched down to his height once more, 'I... Father?'
The shrivelled thing that lived beneath the Wen brand upon Lan Wangji's chest leapt into life, Yuan giving him only a moment to nod before his arms were filled with the child. It may have been his intent to raise the child as a Lan but in that moment he was never more glad that Yuan had been born into a world where such gestures were not something to be avoided and pushed aside. He allowed himself a moment merely to return the embrace before he raised his gaze to his brother, knowing he would see the question in his eyes as to how Yuan would come to call him father before either of them knew of Lan Qiren's decision.
'Uncle has his ways,' said Lan Xichen, crossing the short distance to join them, 'Just allow yourself to enjoy this moment. I have the rest of the day in hand. You will need this.'
Lan Wangji freed a hand to take the pouch his brother held out to him, feeling the softness within until his finger brushed over the small, hard jut of metal beneath the cloth. Before he had a moment to question, Lan Xichen had already walked away, his pace and poise making a lie of the shock he had given his younger brother.
'Father,' came the little voice at his ear, bringing a small smile to his lips, 'Can we see the bunnies?'
'Yes,' said Lan Wangji, releasing his hold and tucking the pouch into his sleeve. He felt the tug on his fingers before Yuan situated his small hand into his, their pace more sedate than Yuan's previous waddle as they headed towards the clearing the rabbits had adopted as their own. The journey was silent, the only change to any other journey made in a pair around Cloud Recesses in their joined hands.
Lan Wangji was glad for the peace, straightening his own thoughts as he waited for something to steal the moment he had. He looked down at the child beside him, the babyish features he had once worn melting away to reveal a fine looking little boy, sweet and sunny, though the roundness in his cheeks was stubborn. Lan Wangji was glad that time had yet to erase that part of his infancy, still clinging to the memory of a precious day in Yiling. He had been called father then, by the concerned villagers first and then teasingly by Wei Ying later. He could not deny that even then the thought had stayed with him, the beginning of a twist of longing though the picture would never truly be the one he had secretly wanted. If all dreams came true, Yuan's other hand would be similarly held, the boy's white robes thrown into contrast against a familiar dark. He would not be alone in the endeavour he had taken on.
Alone. With no experience. Only knowing that he did not want Yuan to feel as he had felt as a child and that, even if the name of Wei Wuxian was forbidden, Lan Wangji wanted somehow to keep as much of his spirit alive in the child that had first been his to raise. The how of the attempt though was beyond his understanding and he felt his feet hesitate on the well worn path.
'What's wrong, Father?' said Yuan, head cocked in question as he tugged on his hand once more.
'Father is afraid to stumble,' answered Lan Wangji.
'But I am holding your hand,' said Yuan, as though it were the simplest answer.
Perhaps it was. However alone Lan Wangji felt, he was not. His brother had already proven himself a competent and gentle guardian, caring for Yuan when Lan Wangji was forced into his solitude for three long years and even Lan Qiren, unmoving in his ways, but still offering Lan Wangji his blessing however gruffly given. Even if they left him though, he would still not be alone, the journey he was making not a solo one but as a pair, the other half looking to him for guidance but already so willing to guide him.
The rabbits gave no indication of concern as they approached, Yuan moving slowly amongst them and reaching down with gentle fingers to pet them as Lan Wangji watched from the side. He reached into his sleeve, retrieving the pouch and opening it. He tipped the contents into his palm, smiling at the sight of the ribbon set with the silver filigree centrepiece.
'A-Yuan,' he called, the little boy releasing the bunny he had been cradling and picking his way carefully through their throng to Lan Wangji's side, 'I have something for you.'
The boy smiled, 'Like you and Zewu-Jun.'
Lan Wangji nodded. 'You will learn the importance of this as you grow.'
'May I wear it?' said Yuan, fingers touching the ribbon as gently as they had the rabbit's fur.
'Turn around,' said Lan Wangji, glad that the boy did so quickly so as not to see the tears that fought for release.
He steadied his hands before he gently set the ribbon in place, the sensation alien when fastening it for another after growing so used to fastening his own. He turned the boy to face him, fingers hesitating for a moment before he reached out to straighten the ribbon. Yuan smiled, raising his own hand to touch the ribbon on his forehead before touching the same hand to the charm in the centre of Lan Wangji's without any hesitation.
'Like you,' he said, 'Can I play with the bunnies some more?'
'Yes,' he answered, a small smile tugging at his lips as Yuan scampered off into the sea of little white bodies once more.
He felt a soft bump against his boot, leaning down to scoop up the rabbit that had broken from the group and taken sanctuary beneath his robes. He cradled it gently in his palm, finger tracing a soft path between the long white ears. Even the smallest creatures in Cloud Recesses would need to learn what it was to have a child so close. They would learn as Lan Wangji learned. He would not be alone.