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It was a few days after things finally calmed down after Zuko had been crowned Fire Lord after the fall and disgrace of his father Ozai and things were starting to calm down a bit. Toph had been helping Aang, Sokka, Katara, Hakoda, and a small group of Earthbenders liberate the various prison camps Ozai had set up around the Fire Nation capital and she had a message for the new Fire Lord.
For, Toph, Zuko wasn’t terribly difficult to find. He was still recovering from the serious injuries he had sustained during his Agni Kai against Azula and was more or less confined to the palace until Katara and the Fire Sages were one-hundred-ten percent sure that he had fully recovered. Since the last thing the Fire Nation needed was for something to happen to their new Fire Lord just days after the end to the hundred years war.
“Wassup Spark Lord.” Toph greeted as she entered the room where Zuko had been talking with a Fire Sage Toph didn’t recognize.
“Hey To-”
“Young lady,” The Fire sage exclaimed before Zuko could finish, “How DARE you speak to the Fire Lord that way!”
“Sage Kouji, it’s fine.” Zuko stated.
“No, Fire Lord Zuko, it is NOT fine,” the man yelled, “Your subjects need to address you with the upmost respect and reverence. Something this young girl CLEARLY lacks.”
“I don’t know if you can tell,” Toph said, “But I’m pretty sure I’m not wearing normal Fire Nation clothing. At least I hope I’m not. Hey Spark Lord, my clothing’s green right? Katara didn’t give me the wrong outfit, did she?”
“You’re wearing your normal outfit Toph.” Zuko responded. He had been in almost painfully boring meetings all day and was appreciating the fairly amusing distraction.
“Cool,” Toph responded, “I’m Toph and I’m not Fire Nation. I’m the world’s greatest Earthbender AND the world’s first and only Metalbender.”
“I don’t care who you are young lady,” The Sage spat, “You need to show the Fire Lord your upmost respect.”
“Is he new?” Toph asked.
“Not exactly,” Zuko responded, “He’s worked for the royal family since before my grandfather was appointed Fire Lord.”
“That explains it.”
“Sage Kouji,” Zuko said, “This young Earthbending master is one of my closest friends. She doesn’t have to…”
“I don’t care who this young lady is,” the Sage interrupted, “She needs to show you the respect you deserve.”
“I’m gonna guess and say that your bastard of a father didn’t have a lot of friends, did he?” Toph asked, “And therefore these guys have no idea how friends talk to each other.”
“I doubt he did.” Zuko responded, “He probably viewed friendship as weakness. It would explain why I never had friends as a kid.”
“Fire Lord Zuko,” The sage said, “Are you really going to allow this child to insult your father like that?”
“My father doesn’t deserve respect,” Zuko spat.
“Maybe you should calm down a bit Spark Lord,” Toph said as she could feel a fairly significant increase in Zuko’s still-not-quite-normal heartrate, “Sweetness says you still need to take it easy for a few more days. And I for one don’t want to deal with her wrath if you pass out on my watch.”
“I’m fine Toph.”
“If you say so Spark Lord,” Toph said smirking a bit. She had a feeling that, even without her seismic sense she would have been able to feel the rage the Fire Sage in the room was feeling. And she felt like messing with him for a little while longer.
“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Zuko whispered in Toph’s ear. The Fire Sage had been turning a more alarming shade of red with each “Spark Lord” and he was beginning to wonder if he was going to have to send for a healer if it went on any longer.
“Doing what on purpose, Spark Lord.” Toph said loudly.
“Fire Lord Zuko,” The Sage said while trying and failing to remain calm, “Are you going to continue to let this insolent child call you that terribly insulting nickname?”
“Toph is one of my best friends,” Zuko said, “I don’t care what she calls me.”
“But sir,” the sage said, “Even if she is a friend of yours, she still needs to show you the respect you deserve. And that means she must only refer to you by your official title.”
“Fire Sage Kouji,” Zuko said in an extremely uncharacteristic sickeningly saccharine sweet and overly friendly and polite tone that sent an ice-cold bolt of terror through Toph’s entire being, “I thought I told you that Toph Beifong is one of my closest friends and therefore she does not have to observe the traditional required customs for addressing the Fire Lord. She can call me whatever she wants to call me. Do I make myself clear?”
“P-perfectly clear sir.”
“Thank you. You may take your leave now.” Zuko said without changing the tone of his voice.
“Y-yes sir.”
Before Zuko could address Toph, the young Earthbender had quickly raised herself to Zuko’s level by bending a portion of the stone flooring and now had the back of her hand to his forehead, “Are you running a fever again?”
“I’m fine Toph.”
“Then what the FUCK was that!?” She exclaimed, “Who the fuck are you and what the FUCK have you done to Fire Lord Zuko!? I think that lightning bolt you took the chest did more damage than we originally thought.”
“What are you talking about Toph?”
“That…voice you just used,” Toph exclaimed, “What the fuck, man? I’ve never heard you talk like that.”
“Oh,” Zuko gasped as he realized what Toph was freaking out about, “I worked in a tea shop in Ba Sing Se for a couple of months.”
“You did what now?”
“I worked in a tea shop in Ba Sing Se,” Zuko responded, “It was my uncle’s idea and how we earned money while living there.”
“Okay but that doesn’t explain where that voice came from.”
“That’s how I would talk to the problem customers.” Zuko said, “Since telling them to “get fucked” was kind of frowned upon.”
“Did it work? Because that was fucking TERRIFYING.”
“It usually worked,” Zuko said, “More often than not, the customer backed down.”
“I can see why,” Toph said, “I thought that Fire Sage was going to piss himself. Hell, I thought I was gonna piss myself. You gotta use that voice on everyone else! I’m pretty sure it’ll make Sokka faint. Oh and speaking of the others, we finished liberating the third prison camp. None of the prisoners there were named Sensu.”
Zuko sighed, “Thanks Toph.”
“Why is it so important to you that you find this Sensu guy?”
“I owe it to his family,” Zuko responded.
“We still have several more camps to go through,” Toph said, “It’s only been a few days since you ended the war. I’m sure we’ll find him.”
“I should be the one liberating the prison camps.” Zuko said softly.
“Yeah, but according to Sweetness and the other healers you still haven’t recovered enough to do anything too strenuous,” Toph said, “And trust me when I say a lot of the war prisoners are still pretty pissed off with everyone affiliated with the Fire Nation at the moment. It wouldn’t be safe for you to help us in your condition. I mean you still get pretty winded walking up a flight of stairs, I doubt you’d be able to hold your own against an angry mob of former prisoners.”
“Yeah,” Zuko sighed, “I guess you’re right. Are the others still coming for dinner?”
“Yeah,” Toph responded, “And you totally have to do that customer service voice at dinner. The others need to experience the absolute terror it instills on the soul.”
“I’ll see if I can get one of the staff members who is more comfortable around me to help out.”
“Sounds like a plan Spark Lord. Can I come and plot with you? There’s no point in going back with the others, they were just starting to wrap up.”
Zuko and Toph were already in the palace’s massive dining hall when Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Hakoda entered for dinner.
“Welcome back,” Zuko greeted and a fairly cheerful tone.
“Thanks Zuko,” Katara said, “How have you been feeling today? I wanted to check your injuries this morning but by the time I woke up, you were already in an important meeting.”
“I’ve been feeling okay today,” Zuko responded, “I’m still not feeling quite one-hundred percent yet but I’ve been feeling a little stronger every day.”
“That’s good,” Katara said, “If you don’t mind, I want to do a healing session after dinner, since I wasn’t able to do one this morning.”
“That’s fine,” Zuko said, “I hope you guys are hungry, I had the chefs prepare your favorite dishes.”
“You’re the best!” Sokka said, “I Hope they prepared a lot, because I feel like I could eat a whole elephant koi myself.”
“I’ll let the kitchen staff know you guys are ready to eat.” Zuko said.
Halfway through dinner one of the kitchen staff lightly tapped Toph on the shoulder and winked at Zuko. And as if on cue Toph picked up her bowl of curry and started to messily eat with her bare hands.
“Excuse me miss,” The waiter said, “Is there something wrong with your chopsticks?”
“Nope.” Toph said, “It’s just, I’m blind and it’s far easier for me to eat with my hands since I can actually figure out where the good stuff is that way.”
“You’re lucky enough to be sharing a meal with the Fire Lord,” The waiter said, “You should eat like a proper lady.”
“I spent twelve years eating like a “proper lady” back at home,” Toph responded, “And it would take up to an hour for me to eat lunch sometimes because I couldn’t find my plate. I don’t think Spark Lord over there,” She said deliberately pointing towards Sokka, who was sitting about as far from Zuko as possible at the table, “Really cares how I eat my food.”
“It’s fine, sir,” Zuko said, “Toph can eat her food however she wants.”
“It’s making a mess Fire Lord Zuko,” The waiter said.
“Well then, get her some napkins to clean her hands with.”
“But sir…”
“I said,” Zuko said in the same sickeningly saccharine sweet and overly friendly tone he had used on the Fire Sage earlier in the day with a creepy and extremely unnerving smile, “Toph can eat her meal however she pleases. Would you mind getting her some napkins to clean her hands with please?”
“Y-yes sir.”
Zuko looked at the rest of his companions and the looks on their faces did not disappoint. They were all staring at him in utter disbelief. Katara had accidentally spit her tea in her father’s face, Aang dropped his chopsticks in his vegetarian stir-fry and, as Toph had predicted earlier in the day, Sokka completely paled then slumped face-first into his curry as he passed out. Toph, on the other hand, looked like she was struggling to contain her laughter.
“What’s wrong?” He asked innocently.
“I thought you were terrifying when you put your two swords to my throat back at the Pohuai Stronghold that time,” Aang said softly as he picked up his chopsticks, “But that was nothing compared to the way you just spoke…”
“What…was that…?” Katara gasped.
“That voice…” Sokka said as he regained consciousness and lifted his head out of his curry, “Was the single most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Man,” Toph giggled as she finally broke her silence, “Your reactions were priceless! Your heartrates and breathing all went completely haywire. Oh and Spark Lord, you owe me ten silver pieces since Sokka did pass out.”
“Wait, Toph, you knew about this?” Sokka asked.
“Yup,” Toph said, “I heard him talk like that to an obnoxious Fire Sage who didn’t like how I was calling Zuko Spark Lord earlier today. Even the waiter was in on the whole thing.”
“Wait, you two made me faint over a prank?” Sokka asked.
“Basically.”
“AND BET MONEY ON IT!?”
“Yup.”
“Zuko, where on earth did you even learn to talk like that?” Katara asked.
“I worked in a tea shop back in Ba Sing Se for a few months,” Zuko responded.
“You did WHAT!?” Katara, Aang, and Sokka all exclaimed.
“I worked in a tea shop back in Ba Sing Se,” Zuko reiterated.
“That doesn’t explain how you learned to talk like that,” Katara said.
“Every so often we would get a customer that would just complain about everything,” Zuko explained, “And talking like that was usually the only way to deal with them. Since you know, telling customers to fuck off wasn’t allowed.”
“What kind of stuff would people complain about?” Aang asked.
“Stuff like “This tea is too hot!”” Zuko mimicked in a high-pitched nasally tone, “And “this tea is too cold.” Both of those really annoyed my uncle. Or someone would order one of the most bitter teas we served, which usually came with a verbal warning about how bitter it was, and then they would complain the tea was too bitter and would demand a refund. Oh we had this one woman order her tea so weak it was basically just hot water with like a drop of green tea, and she complained we made it too strong. Since none of us could figure out how to make her tea weaker, I decided to just give her a cup of plain hot water and she complained it was too weak. In the end, I gave her the first cup we brought to her, since we hadn’t dumped it yet and she said it was perfect. And don’t get me started on all the “can I speak to the manager” complaints I got. Honestly there were some days I wanted to say “fuck it” blow my cover and burn the place to the ground.”
“Based on some of these complaints and your temper,” Toph said, “I’m surprised you didn’t burn the place to the ground.”
“If I got really aggravated my uncle would tell me to go take a break.” Zuko said, “That was before my uncle was given a tea shop of his own in the upper ring. Unfortunately, the day after it opened, Ba Sing Se fell.”
“That sucks.” Toph interjected.
“Uncle was supposed to open his tea shop almost a week earlier,” Zuko explained, “But I got really sick the night before he was set to open it and he postponed the grand opening to take care of me.”
“Wow that must have been some illness,” Katara said, “What happened?”
“I set Appa free,” Zuko said.
“Wait, seriously?” Toph asked.
“Yeah,” Zuko said, “According to my uncle setting Appa free was so against the image that I had created for myself that it made me extremely sick.”
“You mean to tell us, you did something good to help us out and it made you sick for almost a week!?” Toph asked.
“Yeah…”
“Wow, that’s just pathetic,” Toph laughed, “But not surprising considering you totally lost your ability to Firebend when you first joined us.”
“I almost wonder if the customers from the upper ring would have been more polite than the customers from the lower ring.” Zuko wondered aloud in an attempt to change the conversation topic.
“Honestly, I think you might have dodged a bullet in the whole problem customers department there, Spark Lord,” Toph said, “I’m from an upper class Earth Kingdom family, trust me when I say, the complaints from the Upper Ring customers would have been about a hundred times worse. Rich people are super entitled and believe that they deserve everything to be given to them on a sliver plater and when it isn’t, they’ll bitch up a storm to anyone who will listen. If the lower ring customers made you want to say fuck it and burn the place to the ground, the customers in the upper ring would have made you actually burn the place to the ground. Consider that illness you came down with a blessing.”
“At least your uncle got to reopen his tea shop,” Katara said, “And I’m sure if you wanted to you could work there from time to time.”
“Dude you could mess with people so much if you did that,” Toph said, “If someone asked you if you were the Fire Lord you could say something like “no, I just really look like him” or “no, his scar is on the other side.” Imagine the possibilities Spark Lord, you could have sooo much fun with that.”
“I’m pretty sure my uncle would let you guys work in his tea shop if you really wanted to,” Zuko said, “Especially you Toph.”
“I’ll pass thanks,” Toph said, “Most rich people make me want to go wolf-bat shit. I would Earthbend that place to the ground after ten minutes. Well I really enjoyed dinner and the show, but Haru, Teo, The Duke, Pipsqueak, Hippo and I are gonna do some exploring in the caves under the city now. You don’t mind, do you Spark Lord?”
“Just be careful,” Zuko responded, “I’m one of the only people who can still navigate those caves without a map and I’m still on rest orders. So I won’t be able to come rescue you if you get yourselves into something you can’t get yourselves out of.”
“We’ll be careful,” Toph said, “And if worse comes to worse we could always just Earthbend our way out if need be.”
“I’ll let a few of the Fire Sages know you’ll be down there,” Zuko said, “Check in with me when you guys are done.”
“Okay dad.” Toph said as she left the dining room.
“You guys are free to go if you want,” Zuko said, “I hope my chefs were able to prepare your favorite dishes to your liking.”
“For Fire Nation cooks, they really nailed Southern Water Tribe cuisine,” Sokka said, “Those stewed sea prunes were almost as good as Gran-gran’s.”
“I had our chefs consult with some of your father’s warriors,” Zuko said, “I’m glad they were to your liking. Have a good night, Sokka.”
“You too Zuko.”
Zuko turned to Katara, “You still want to do a healing session right?”
“Yeah if you don’t mind,” Katara said, “I just want to make sure you’re healing properly.”
“Healing session isn’t a code for something else is it?” Hakoda asked jokingly.
“No dad,” Katara huffed, “It isn’t. Besides Zuko already has a girlfriend.”
“Just making sure,” Hakoda said with a laugh, “Uh, Fire Lord Zuko?”
“Just Zuko is fine, Chief Hakoda.”
“Just Hakoda is fine Zuko,” Hakoda said in return, “Word of advice from one world leader to another, if you ever have any issues with foreign diplomats, just use that voice on them. It will set them straight.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“How does it look Katara?” Zuko asked about halfway through.
“It looks good,” Katara said, “Both the wound and the damage to your heart and lungs are healing very well. It doesn’t hurt anymore does it?”
“It’ll twinge on occasion,” Zuko responded, “But it doesn’t hurt all the time anymore.”
“That’s good,” Katara said, “You’re not having trouble breathing anymore right?”
“Not really but I still get a little winded walking up stairs.”
“Okay. Your heart doesn’t beat erratically, does it?”
“No. Toph’s mentioned a few times that it still doesn’t feel normal to her but I haven’t had any issues. How long until I can go back to my normal routine?”
“A few more days,” Katara responded as Zuko sighed, “I know it’s hard for you but Zuko, when I was first healing you, you were dying. I’m not using that term lightly either, if I had gotten to you just two minutes later, you probably would have died. And unlike with Aang, I don’t think I would have been able to bring you back.”
“So Aang did die when Azula shot him…”
“Yeah,” Katara said, “I was able to bring him back thanks to the spirit water from the North Pole. But it took him weeks to fully recover. Which is why I still think you need to rest for a while longer.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t use it to try to minimize my scar,” Zuko said.
“When you were talking at dinner I realized that I think I’m the reason Azula realized you were in Ba Sing Se,” Katara said softly, “Momo and I nearly stopped at your uncle’s tea shop the day before Ba Sing Se fell but when I saw you and your uncle there, I panicked and ran to tell the Earth King. When I got to the Earth King’s throne room, Azula, Ty Lee and Mai were there dressed as the Kyoshi Warriors and I told them where you were.”
“If I’m being honest by doing that, you probably saved my life,” Zuko said, “If the Fire Nation soldiers had found me after the battle in the catacombs I would have been arrested and sent back to the Fire Nation as a prisoner and a traitor.”
“Funny how things work out like that.”
“Uncle always says everything happens for a reason.”
“Well I’m all set,” Katara said as she returned the water she had been using to her water skin, “And I’ll tell you what, I’ll see how everything looks and feels tomorrow and if I’m satisfied I’ll see if I can talk the Fire Sages into letting you resume your usual routine.”
“Thank you Katara.”
“But, if you push yourself too hard and you end up needlessly wearing yourself out, you’ll go right back on those rest orders.” Katara said, “And if you pass out, you’ll be right back on bed rest.”
“Yes Katara.”
“Pardon the intrusion Fire Lord Zuko, Master Katara,” One of the palace guards said as he entered the room, “But a young Earthbender named Toph wanted me to let you know that she and her friends have returned from their little adventure in the bunkers. She also said you still owe her ten silver pieces.”
“Alright thank you,” Zuko said, “Tell her I pay her tomorrow.”
“I will sir. But are you sure it’s acceptable to let outsiders know about the bunkers?”
“They’re good friends of mine,” Zuko said, “It’s fine.”
“But sir,” The man said, “If outsiders find out about the bunkers and infiltrate them, the tunnels will no longer be able to keep you safe.”
“I said it was fine,” Zuko said, “Toph and her friends won’t tell anyone else about them.”
“But sir!”
Zuko gave the man a sweet but completely inauthentic smile that sent a chill down Katara’s back, “If I say it’s okay for Toph and her friends can explore the tunnels beneath the city then her friends can explore the tunnels beneath the city to their heart’s content,” He said in the same sickeningly sweet tone he had used at dinner, “Do I make myself clear?”
“Y-yes sir…”
“Thank you,” Zuko said not breaking his tone of voice or frighteningly fake smile, “You may take your leave now.”
“Yes sir…”
“You really need to stop doing that voice,” Katara said, “It’s absolutely terrifying.”
“Not quite as terrifying as seeing what you did to the Captain of the Southern Raiders,” Zuko said, “What exactly was that?”
“It’s called Bloodbending,” Katara said, “Basically I bend the water in the human body to make them move to my will…I’m not proud of being able to use the technique. It’s immoral and horrifying.”
“How about I promise never to use that voice around you if you promise to never Bloodbend me,” Zuko said.
“I don’t think you have to worry about me Bloodbending you,” Katara said, “It’s something I can only do on the full moon and something I never want to use again.”
“Okay,” Zuko said as he yawned a bit.
“You should get some sleep,” Katara said, “You’re still recovering from your injuries and if you want to resume your normal routine as soon as tomorrow, you need to get some rest.”
“Sounds good,” Zuko said, “Good night Katara.”
“Good night Zuko.”
As Zuko started to get ready for bed, he thought about the advice Hakoda had given him back at dinner. He had also noticed how his palace guards, Fire Sages, and Kitchen staff, and even his closest friends reacted to his “customer service voice” as Toph had dubbed it and he realized that perhaps he had the perfect tool for breaking the old guard of their old habits.