Chapter Text
“Hey there, old girl.”
Look who it is.
Her knees almost buckle at the familiarity. She manages a couple of steps forward, putting her pile of belongings down on the floor, before she leans back against one of the columns, closing her eyes with a sigh.
You’re distressed.
“Relieved,” she murmurs.
Bit of both, maybe.
She opens her eyes with a smirk. “You’re snappier than you were when I left. Been chatting to River again?”
The engine whirs suspiciously.
“Oh. You have, eh?”
You look different.
“Nice change of topic, sneaky.” The Doctor pushes back against the column, taking a step towards the console. “What do you think?”
She holds her arms up by her sides, half-heartedly spinning around in Graham’s jumper. The engines hum gently. Look at your hair.
She raises a hand to her head, running her fingers through tangled hair. “I know, it’s longer. Yaz’ll fix it, though. She’s good at doing the twisty things. She’s on hair management duty.”
Let’s go find her, shall we?
“Yeah. Absolutely. Deffo."
She reaches the console, finds herself letting her head fall forwards slightly as she leans her arms on the surface in front of her. Her eyelids flutter closed. All around her, there are those familiar hums and whirs, and under her fingertips the whole place seems to ebb and glow. It’s so… normal. So real, being here.
The rush of reality makes her want to cry.
Maybe we should take a moment first.
“I mean,” she takes a deep, shuddery breath, “if you want to.”
Around her, the ship hums its comforts.
Tears burn at her eyes. “Sorry — I just… It’s just a lot to get used to, you know?”
I know. A pause. You’ve changed.
The Doctor blinks and the tears fall. She breathes in deeply through her nose, feeling her shoulders shake with the effort of it. Her head tilts up towards the time rotor as she says, “Too much? D’ya think I’ve changed too much?”
Sit down.
“I’m sorry for how I behaved before, I mean — I could’ve left you alone. I was going to, I was just so selfish and now, everything is different. Better, I mean. Or, it should be, but I’m worried I’m going to mess everything up again, and…”
Doctor.
“M’rambling?”
Sit down.
She turns and slumps back against the console, sliding down until her knees hit the floor. She bunches the cuffs of Graham’s jumper into her fists, uses the fabric to swipe at the dampness on her cheeks.
She sighs. “Sorry.”
For what? Feeling things?
“I don’t know.”
Not often I hear you say that.
“Again — I’m going to have to have words with River.”
The Doctor swallows, thickly, and works on steadying her heart rates. She knows this is just fear — of course, she does — and she knows it will pass. Lora is still outside those TARDIS doors if she needs him and, for a moment, she debates running back out and into the safety of that hospital-issued duvet, but she doesn’t. Because as much as Lora is still standing outside that door, he is nestled somewhere comfortably inside her hearts, now, too.
And what would he say to her, if he were here now?
Firstly, probably, steady your breathing. Secondly… She runs her eyes over the console room and lists off five things she can see through the fresh tears blurring her vision. Telepathic circuits. Breath. Door, floor… Breath. Time rotor handbrake, stabilisers…
What’s next?
Oh. Okay.
Five things I know to be true.
My name is the Doctor. Breath. I spent a lot of my life on a planet called Gallifrey. Breath. I am older than I could have ever imagined. Breath. I have a family. Breath.
I am loved.
She lets out a shaky sigh. Relief floods through her. Around her, the TARDIS lights glow light tangerine orange, spreading warmth throughout the space.
The TARDIS hums concern beneath her knees.
Are you okay?
“Yeah.”
… Really?
“Yeah, really. Properly. I think this is just…” She gestures to the console room. “… I’ve just missed this. It’s an adjustment period, right? I’m allowed a few tears?”
You’re always allowed a few tears.
“I know. Thanks.” She clears her throat, standing up and dusting off her trousers. “Now, though, old girl — time to get to the fam, eh?”
The lights above her sparkle. They can help.
The Doctor hums an agreement, running a hand over the console. “They can indeed.”
A few flicked switches, some twisting here and there, the pull of a lever and the TARDIS jerks into life.
Nervous?
She snorts a laugh. “Terrified.” There’s a pause as she glances to the TARDIS door; feeling the apprehension build in her shoulders and, just as quickly, brushing it off with a grin. “But I’ve done loads of things that scare me recently,” she feels the pride glow within her chest, “and I don’t regret a single one.”