Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian regained consciousness and immediately felt numbness rise up his spine. His thoughts were fragmented and still uncertain, but he was sure of one thing.
I'm alive.
The blood that flowed through his veins, the breath that came and went, his heart beating constantly. It had been a long time since he had savoured these moments which he had always taken for granted for a lifetime, but that in the last months spent at Burial Mounds he had never been able to enjoy. Shortly before his death, his body almost refused to host such a burnt and unrecoverable soul, dragging it without desire and without strength, now reduced to a skeleton.
Yet this turmoil was now gone, a vivid but at the same time distant memory.
Am I dreaming or am I in the afterlife?
He thought about it and came to the conclusion that, after all the evil he had caused, he certainly did not deserve an afterlife made of peace and serenity. As far as he was concerned, he should have been swallowed by the perennial darkness, devoured by the same sense of guilt that had accompanied him for a long time. Yet at that moment he felt no malaise.
Wei Wuxian opened his eyes and was blinded for a moment. He blinked in the hope of being able to adapt to the light that seemed to filter through some foliage. The sun was not particularly hot, and he could smell the dew permeating him.
Is it morning?
When his eyes finally got used to the sunbeams, Wei Wuxian looked up and saw in fact some very tall trees in front of him that protected him from the direct light of the pale sun. The sound of nature rang particularly loud in his ears, making him a little dizzy. Wei Wuxian had always had good hearing, but he did not remember being able to hear so many background sounds and transpose them to such a high volume.
After looking down, Wei Wuxian saw the grass surrounding him. It was very high and humid, certainly not in the least resembling the scarce and arid plants that characterized Burial Mounds.
Lying on his stomach, with his four long and stretched limbs, his senses began to relax and give way to a feeling of bliss.
Wei Wuxian looked lazily at his outstretched arms in front of him and froze instantly. He certainly did not expect such a thing.
Hair. Too much hair. And it’s black. It's fur!
He turned his hands to study the palms and confirmed his fears. Paws!
Wei Wuxian began to gasp, the air had suddenly become light and his mind was beginning to lose all glimmer of lucidity. Panic began to make its way between his lungs and his small heart began to beat furiously. The fear that his new body could not keep up with such a frenetic rhythm made him come back to his senses and concentrate on his heartbeat. It took him a few minutes to calm down, but when he felt that his heart had returned to the right parameters, he checked his new body. From the perceptions received so far and the fact that he was all fur, he was sure that it was not the body of a human. He took another look at his paws, then brought them to his face and could barely feel a wet muzzle and long ears projected onto his skull.
He swivelled his neck to look at his rear. More black fur, a fluffy tail and large hind legs.
I don't fucking believe it. I am a rabbit.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
Baffled, Wei Wuxian sat on his hind legs. He tried to make sense of that situation, but without great results. He still hadn't figured out if it was a dream or reality. He wouldn't have had much concern if all of this had really been a dream, but that world was too vivid, too tangible to be fictitious.
The colours were not great, a large amount of green and blue for his liking. Looking around, Wei Wuxian understood that he most likely could not see any more, being a rabbit, although he was not very sure how many and what colours rabbits could see in general. Red had always been his favourite colour, but after all the blood he had seen, this change of register was not entirely unwelcome.
I am a rabbit, after all. I don't think I need a wide range of colours.
If the colours were almost disappointing, the other senses were definitely of the highest quality. He had a much wider visual range than the human one, not to mention the sense of smell and hearing, highly developed and very sensitive to the surrounding world.
Okay, let's assume that this is reality and not a dream. Am I in the world of the living or the dead?
He glanced around again, but the grass was far too high. Wei Wuxian levered on his hind legs and got taller, managing to look beyond the grassy fringes and immediately realized that he was not alone. That meadow was full of other rabbits, a little more than a dozen, white and black. Most of them were much bigger than he was.
So, am I a puppy or a dwarf rabbit? Or am I a normal one but fucking small?
Wei Wuxian looked even further and saw a quiet and familiar landscape. The rarefied air hit his face and finally registered where he was. He remembered a particular period of his adolescence and a lump grew in his throat.
Cloud Recesses.
He glanced at the other rabbits who were relaxing and licking their paws and muzzle, as if it were a morning routine.
Don't tell me that among these rabbits are those I gave Lan Zhan years ago!?
He didn't have time to finish that consideration that realized how stupid it was. Too many years have passed, rabbits don't live that long, right?
His mind stopped again to register that that was not the most important part of the thought he had just formulated.
His throat closed again, painful memories attacked him.
Lan Zhan.
A rush of bitterness shocked him for a moment, at the thought of the rigid cultivator. Sadness in recalling the last times he had managed to see him, to speak to him.
When they were young, Wei Wuxian had considered Lan Wangji to be a friend, but then the two cultivators had grown up and moved away. One following a path too wrong for the other to remain close to him; a sect with too inflexible rules had raised Lan Wangji and shaped him to follow the virtuous path that all the cultivators of the Lan sect had to take.
As his mind was lost in past memories, Wei Wuxian's hind legs slowly relaxed, returning him to a normal sitting position, eyes turned towards the ground with a depressed expression.
He composed himself after a few moments, he had to react, as he had always done in his first life.
Attempt the impossible.
Lan Zhan and I may have different opinions, but I am sure that in this circumstance he will not back down and will help me.
He was determined, he had to find Lan Wangji and - and then what?
How will he interact with him, make him understand?
He will think about it later. One problem at a time.
He started to shyly walk towards the end of the lawn, where he could see in the distance the typical buildings that distinguished Cloud Recesses. He passed through some shrubs and found himself on one of the main paths.
I have to find the way to the Jingshi, even if Lan Zhan is not there at the moment, I can always wait for him.
He tried to remember the location of the cultivator's home and at the same time understand where in Cloud Recesses he was now.
North.
He started to climb the hill north, hoping to reach the Jingshi in as little time as possible and without any interference. As he was hopping towards his goal, something big enveloped him around his belly and suddenly he no longer felt the ground under his paws. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes when a sense of helplessness and dizziness attacked him, as he was being manoeuvred by what appeared to be large tentacles.
A voice interrupted his fears, “What are you doing here? You should be in your meadow with your brothers. You cannot go around Cloud Recesses freely.”
Wei Wuxian raised his head, opening his eyes full of fear. They weren't tentacles then. They were fingers, hands. A cultivator had grabbed him and brought him up to his face. Wei Wuxian held his breath, recognizing that smiling face.
Zewu-Jun.
The sect leader sighed wearily, “Let us go home.”
Home? No, no, no. Wrong way! I have to see Lan Zhan.
Wei Wuxian tried to escape Lan Xichen's iron grip, wriggling furiously with no luck. After a few minutes Wei Wuxian surrendered and sagged in the man's hands. He was allowed to touch the ground only when the sect leader reached the rabbit meadow, abandoned him with the other animals and left unceremoniously.
First attempt failed, but Wei Wuxian didn't give up. He waited for the evening, to be sure he could camouflage himself more easily - the black coat helped a lot - and to take advantage of the - finally useful - curfew that distinguished the Lan sect.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
The day was about to end, when Wei Wuxian managed to hop around Cloud Recesses without being noticed. All day he had done nothing but doze off, because of his new body, which tired very easily. While he was sleeping someone had brought some food, but he didn’t even try to taste it, too busy with his plans and sure that he would not have liked the mild meal of raw vegetables.
After what seemed like an eternity, Wei Wuxian reached the Jingshi to find it empty. Desperate, Wei Wuxian tried to peer through the locked door, without much success, to then jump on the outside windowsill and confirm his fears.
Lan Wangji was not there.
Looking through the window, he had seen some everyday objects carefully placed on the table, leading him to think that the Jingshi was not uninhabited.
Maybe he's out for a night hunt? I will try again tomorrow.
Dejected, Wei Wuxian returned to the rabbit meadow that night. Not sure what he would have done if he had never seen Lan Wangji again, but decided not to sink into despair.
Not yet.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
The next day Wei Wuxian dozed off several times before the evening, just like the day before, but this time he managed to stay awake for lunch time, when a disciple came to bring the usual daily ration of vegetables to the rabbits.
The young stranger seemed decidedly annoyed by the situation and Wei Wuxian tried to approach cautiously to hear his grumble barely whispered, “As if I didn't have enough things to do today, now I have to tend Hanguang-Jun’s rabbits as well.”
The boy was definitely not there because he was fond of Lan Wangji's pets, but because he had probably been sent by someone.
So, Lan Zhan hasn't come back yet?
To confirm his hypothesis, Wei Wuxian went to the Jingshi again that evening and found it empty.
And the following night and the one after.
A week went by like this, and then another and another.
Lan Zhan has been gone for a month. Has something happened to him? He does not come to find his rabbits and is not in the Jingshi. What the fuck is going on?
Wei Wuxian began to get impatient; a trickle of anxiety gripped his lungs. He was worried about both Lan Wangji and his own condition. He did not want to resign himself to a rabbit life and at the same time he feared that Lan Wangji’s absence was more important and worrying than the fact that he had to spend his life hopping on all fours.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
He tried his luck again and as he approached the Jingshi he saw a faint light coming from the bedroom window.
Lan Zhan.
Wei Wuxian began to jump faster, reducing himself to a rattling black ball of fur. He only noticed it when he reached the windowsill of Lan Wangji's room, where he took a moment to recompose himself and adjust his breath.
He peered into the room through a small opening in the slightly ajar window. The curfew had already passed, which made the whole situation bizarre and clandestine.
Lan Zhan would never violate the curfew...
Wei Wuxian had very little view from where he was, but he could see Lan Xichen's tired and worried face turned towards Lan Wangji's bed, while the latter was lying prone with his face facing his older brother.
Lan Xichen sighed, “It will take a long time to heal. You were doing so well, then you decided to go to look for him. Would it not be better to stay in the infirmary for a while longer where the healers can help you?”
Lan Wangji's voice came out tired but determined, “No, Jingshi is better.”
What will take so long to heal? And why is Lan Zhan lying on his stomach?
Wei Wuxian moved slightly, so that he could direct his view lower down and to the left, in the hope of being able to glimpse the rest of Lan Wangji's body, looking for wounds.
Wei Wuxian froze. He felt his little heart skip a beat, he was horrified.
His back.
Before Wei Wuxian could formulate other thoughts, Lan Xichen continued to speak, pain and affection leaked from his voice, “Do you want to stay here to be alone? He is dead, Wangji. He will not come back.”
“I know,” the answer barely whispered. Wei Wuxian wasn't sure if he really heard it or only imagined it, but surely he felt his heart jump.
Are they talking about me? Or someone I killed in Nightless City?
Wei Wuxian did not know what to hope for. He knew he killed too many cultivators during the massacre in Nightless City, so there was a huge chance that they were referring to a person unknown to him. But in his mind’s meanderings, Wei Wuxian hoped that Lan Wangji would mourn his disappearance.
The sect leader began to spread a poultice of herbs on his brother's back as gently as possible, then he gave him an infusion of herbs with an uninviting colour, “It will bring down your fever.”
Lan Wangji drank without complaining and asked his brother to open the window, before retiring for the night, but Lan Xichen seemed worried, “Wangji, are you sure you want to be alone already from tonight? I can stay here and sleep on the sofa bed. After all, you still have a fever."
Lan Wangji shook his head, “No, brother. Rest. I am better.”
Lan Xichen sighed again, "If you say so." And he opened the window. The summer air permeated the room.
Wei Wuxian meanwhile managed to hide, unnoticed by the sect leader. When he heard Lan Xichen leaving the Jingshi and closing the door, Wei Wuxian jumped at the chance and leaped inside, ending up on the bed, near Lan Wangji's feet. He turned to the man’s figure. The view was not pleasant. His breathing was erratic and short, his brow furrowed and sweaty, his back...
Lan Zhan...
If Wei Wuxian had had tears, perhaps he would have cried. He was a rabbit, did he have tears to shed? He wasn't sure yet.
Lan Zhan, what have you done so terrible to deserve all this?
Wei Wuxian jumped towards the man's face, avoiding touching his feverish body and positioned himself on the pillow, looking directly at Lan Wangji. The latter had already fallen asleep, perhaps too exhausted from his injuries or perhaps from the infusion that Lan Xichen gave him.
Wei Wuxian on the other hand felt a strong fatigue falling on him, the soft pillow certainly did not help to keep him alert and awake. Before he could decide whether sleeping there was a wise idea or not, his eyelids decided for him and closed, making him fall asleep instantly.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
Wei Wuxian opened his eyes and immediately felt that he shouldn't have woken up. He looked around and in fact the Jingshi was still wrapped in darkness, a shy distant dawn, barely visible outside the window.
Definitely too early. Good night.
Wei Wuxian had barely time to think that he finally understood why he woke up.
"Wei Ying."
Wei Wuxian jerked his head and looked at Lan Wangji with wide eyes and then immediately relaxed. The cultivator was still sleeping, his forehead pearled with sweat.
Do you speak in your sleep?
With a frown, Lan Wangji repeated, "Wei Ying."
Wei Wuxian's thoughts piled one after the other and surfaced unstably.
So, was Zewu-Jun really talking about me? Of my death? Is Lan Zhan like that because of me? What happened? What did Zewu-Jun mean when he said that Lan Zhan went looking for me? Did he go to Burial Mounds? In these conditions? Why?
Too many thoughts crowded the bunny's mind, who began to tremble with anxiety, but when he focused again on Lan Wangji's face, he realized that the man had started to cry and whispered once again, "Wei Ying."
Wei Wuxian was stunned and without even thinking about it, approached the man and began to lick away the tears with his small and soft tongue. He had seen Lan Wangji cry only once in his life, when they were younger and Qingheng-Jun was about to die, his brother had disappeared, while Cloud Recesses had been burned to the ground by the Wen sect. At that time, he had stood aside, embarrassed, without knowing how to react to his friend's sudden outburst.
So Wei Wuxian knew perfectly well that Lan Wangji was not someone with an easy tear and to see that he himself was the cause of so much torment afflicted him a lot. This time he wouldn't hesitate, this time he would console him. And maybe Lan Wangji would accept his comfort, because after all he was just a little rabbit.
Wei Wuxian did not want to think about the thousands of questions that floated in his head, at that moment it was more important to take care of the man in front of him and so he focused his thoughts solely on him.
Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan.
Like a mantra, that name calmed the agitation that hadn't wanted to go away since he woke up.
While Wei Wuxian was busy wiping the traces of tears off the man’s face, Lan Wangji woke up and looked at the bunny with surprise. Wei Wuxian noticed this quite soon and froze, his eyes fixed on Lan Wangji and his tongue still shily half out.
Lan Wangji opened his mouth slowly, as if measuring his movements for fear that the pet would be afraid, “A-Ying?”
Wei Wuxian was surprised, for a moment he thought that the man recognized him for some arcane reason, but then he realized that Lan Wangji had never called him with such an intimate nickname. Sure, he was used to calling him by his birth name and not 'Wei Wuxian', but he was more than certain that he had never omitted his family name before.
Lan Zhan would never allow himself to call me A-Ying. After all, he's not a family member of mine.
Still doubtful, Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji, waiting for another signal. Slowly, the man raised a hand and began to gently stroke him on the back.
Oh. Nice.
Wei Wuxian narrowed his eyes, lost in the floating sensation of the cultivator's affection, but when he felt Lan Wangji's breath hitting his muzzle in irregular jerks, he immediately opened them again. The man had started to cry silently.
"A-Ying, he is gone."
And Wei Wuxian understood. A-Ying was the name of the rabbit.
And he was the one who was gone.
A wave of emotions hit him, making him blink a few times - Lan Wangji's pain for his death, so strong and raw, so shiny and clear, like the tears that aggressively escaped from his eyes; the affection that the man could transmit simply by caressing him, although he had always had qualms about undertaking physical contact of any kind; the fact that he had called one of his rabbits with his name even before his life ended, as if to remember him, as if to have the possibility of saying that name even without the need for his actual presence in Cloud Recesses. As if it were the only way to have him there, after all the times Wei Wuxian had denied him his desire to go back to Gusu with him.
And Wei Wuxian realized that the pain and regret he was feeling at this time towards Lan Wangji was turning into something else. The sense of nostalgia that had always surfaced with each of their previous encounters was opening up, revealing a deep and visceral feeling.
I was a fool.
Wei Wuxian pressed himself against Lan Wangji's forehead, hoping to make him feel his warmth, the softness of his fur. He wanted to comfort him, he didn't want to see him cry, he didn't want to feel him suffer.
He wanted to love him. But it was too late.
Lan Zhan...
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
When Zewu-Jun visited his brother in the early hours of the day, Lan Wangji had recovered, no visible trace of the tears shed some time before. When Wei Wuxian heard the door opening, he leapt nimbly under the bed and hid for the duration of the visit. He didn't want to be found by Lan Xichen to end up in the rabbit meadow again. Lan Wangji watched the rabbit leave with curiosity but did not reveal his hiding place to his older brother. In fact, the man did not mention in the least the presence of the animal during the polite exchange with his brother.
So he wants me to stay here too?
Lan Wangji at one point asked, "How is A-Yuan doing?"
What? A-Yuan?
Lan Xichen replied in an affectionate voice, “Do not worry, his fever has gone completely. He is fine now, but I tried to ask him questions and he seems to remember nothing. I also had to remind him of his own name, but I did not tell him his family name. I think remembering would only cause him pain, but the choice is yours."
"Mh," Lan Wangji agreed.
Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian was trying to make sense of the situation.
A-Yuan? So Lan Zhan went to Burial Mounds to see if I was really dead and found A-Yuan instead? Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan... I was a fool.
He'd already said he was stupid, right? Apparently one time was not enough.
If A-Yuan doesn't remember his past, it's better. He can start all over again, without the shadow of a fate marked by a cursed sect. So Zewu-Jun is taking care of him?
There was determination in Lan Wangji's voice, "When I get back in strength, I will take care of A-Yuan."
Lan Xichen hesitantly asked, "Are you really going to keep him?"
Lan Wangji confirmed, “Mh. Want to adopt him. "
Wei Wuxian held his breath. He didn't expect such an answer, but apparently he was the only one in that room who was unaware of the cultivator’s intentions, because Zewu-Jun replied without hesitation, "I understand."
When the sect leader finished bandaging his brother, he left to fulfil his daily duties, leaving Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian alone again.
The latter, still shaken after the speech about little A-Yuan’s future, slowly came out from under the bed and looked up at the man lying down.
He wanted to cry, he really wanted to cry after what he heard in just two days. He had never dreamt of this outcome in his whole human life.
Not knowing yet how to control all those emotions in his little body, Wei Wuxian began to tremble from the frustration and the sadness he felt in himself and that he saw in Lan Wangji.
The man noticed the strange behaviour of the rabbit and, believing that something was wrong, he took the animal with one hand and placed him in front of him, on the pillow, exactly where he found him that morning. Lan Wangji began to caress him, hoping to calm the tremor that made the little being vibrate.
Wei Wuxian moved closer, making his wet nose touch Lan Wangji's. He was too overwhelmed by emotions to do anything else, to think. The sandalwood scent from Lan Wangji's warm and fragrant skin rocked Wei Wuxian towards some peace of mind and after a while he stopped shaking. They remained cuddled like this all day.
⏤∙ • ∙⏤
This comforting routine continued for a few days, until Lan Wangji's fever subsided and the man seemed more lucid. He also began to have short talks with the bunny.
Strange. Lan Zhan has never been talkative. Could it be because I'm not a human?
Lan Wangji said, "You are always here, A-Ying. Do you ever eat? "
No, Lan Zhan, I don't eat. You are more important right now.
In all fairness, Wei Wuxian had eaten that month when he was alone, relegated to the rabbit meadow, while Lan Wangji was not in the Jingshi. At first he was wary, after all he had always preferred strong and spicy flavours, but apparently his new rabbit body thought differently. When he decided to try the lettuce and carrots brought by one of the Gusu Lan cultivators, he realized that his taste had definitely changed, and he accepted daily meals willingly.
I'm hungry, of course, but you're more important.
Lan Wangji continued to look at the bunny worriedly.
Wei Wuxian slammed one of his hind legs against the mattress to reiterate the concept. I do not care.
Lan Wangji raised an eyebrow, surprised and pressed, "Okay, forgive me. But you have to eat. Go back to your meadow.”
No! Another paw smack. Wei Wuxian was seriously getting impatient.
Lan Wangji seemed to understand and sighed, asking, "Here?"
Finally! As confirmation, Wei Wuxian gently licked the tip of his nose.
Lan Wangji wrinkled his nose, making a funny face, as if trying to dispel the sense of tickling caused by the rabbit's tongue.
Wei Wuxian was stunned to see a different facial expression than usual.
The man finally agreed, "Mh, here. I will ask to bring some food for you too.”
Excited, Wei Wuxian was unable to contain himself and as a good rabbit he began to jump out of joy.