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Nobody batted an eye when someone connected Yu Yan and Xue’er through their mutual close friend Zhou Ziqian. They ran with different circles throughout the five months in the show and never became teammates until the finale stage when it was either one or the other. Whenever they passed by each other in the hallway, there’s only nods of recognition and polite smiles. Nothing more.
It was easy to assume that Yu Yan and Xue’er simply have no interest in each other.
And that's exactly what they wanted people to think.
“Yu Yan, you did what!?”
At three in the afternoon, Yu Shuxin storms inside her room with a force Yu Yan’s never seen before.
“Why are you so loud?” Yu Yan props herself on her elbows. Her roommates, Jiaqi and Keran, bolt up from their beds with raised eyebrows.
Shuxin walks up to her with puffed cheeks. “Look at what you did,” she shows her phone. “Look,” she pinches the screen to zoom at the text. “Look!”
The screen shows Yu Yan’s comment on Xue’er’s Weibo post minutes ago.
Yu Yan looks at her quizzically, “Yes, I did that.”
“Princess,” Shuxin drops the word like a heavy book slammed on the table. “You called Xuexue ‘Princess’. The comments say they never heard you call anyone ‘Princess’. Everyone’s going crazy.”
Yu Yan looks at Jiaqi and Keran, who shrug at the same time. She couldn’t see what’s wrong with calling Xue’er ‘Princess’, not when she walks around every day calling her that. “It’s just a comment.” Maybe Shuxin had gone to the other room before going here. “Did Xue’er not want me to call her that anymore?”
“Of course, not. That’s beside the point but if you keep doing that, you might be misunderstood,” Shuxin explains. “I’m just going to start calling her that now,” she turns to the other people in the room. “You?”
“What do you mean, you? I already call her Xuexuezi,” Jiaqi replies.
Keran shakes her head and gets a free pass.
Just in time, Keyin peaks from the open door, “Is Xinxin here?”
“Shaking, how opposed are you to calling Xue’er ‘Princess’, too?” Shuxin asks.
“Huh?” Keyin slips in the room. When her eyes meet Yu Yan’s, she shudders and looks away. She raises a hand to cover her line of sight. “I’m fine with it, but what’s stopping Yu Yan from killing me?”
“Me,” Shuxin says with the confidence of a grade-schooler who aced her final exams. “Xue’er won’t let her kill me. Plus, Xue'er is your roommate, so I’m pretty sure she won’t let Yu Yan kill you, too.”
There was no doubt that Shuxin always had Xue’er’s best interests at heart, but maybe she’s thinking too much right now. Sometimes, Yu Shuxin can be a handful.
Yu Yan’s expression darkens. “You’re dead meat,” she glowers to tease, but Shuxin has already left the room calling ‘Princess Xuexue’ and all.
“It’s kind of a good thing, don’t you think?” Jiaqi says. “You can call her Princess without worrying since everyone does it.”
“But I’m not worried at all,” Yu Yan replies.
At least, that’s one truth out in the world.
“You know I’m not very good at taking pictures of other people, but I’ll try,” Xue’er covers the glare of the sun with her hand.
Yu Yan takes her cap off and puts it on Xue’er’s head. “It’s easy,” she sets the timer and angles her phone so that the basketball ring across them is slightly off-center. She moves aside for Xue’er to take the phone, “Hold this with your left hand. Now, extend your right hand…” she checks the angle, “Lower. Tilt it a little bit to the side. I’ll be holding on to this hand after a second or two.”
“You’re not going to pull me and run while holding my hand, are you?”
“No, it’s too hot. I can’t make you run.”
“But it’s okay to let me stand out here under the sun?” Xue’er pouts.
Yu Yan tilts Xue’er’s cap up with her free hand, grinning, “I promised I’ll buy you at least a dozen of whatever snack you want tomorrow, Princess.”
“Okay. And?”
“And what?”
“And?” Xue’er nods slowly, urging her on.
“I promise I won’t send Yu Shuxin death threats for one month.”
Xue’er breaks into a laugh. The thing with Kong Xue’er is that she can laugh with her whole body, and Yu Yan falls for it every damn time.
So it takes them about ten more minutes of Xue’er teasing her about how she’s getting better at bribing and Yu Yan telling her it’s more of meeting you halfway, then it’s Yu Yan joking about how Xue’er is starting to look more tan, Xue’er sticking a tongue out because she knows it’s not true, Yu Yan setting everything up all over again because they’ve been moving too much, Xue’er confidently telling her she can do it in one-take, Yu Yan quipping with and if you don’t? Xue’er snapping back with an if I do? and suddenly her eyes turn sharp and Yu Yan never backs down so they're staring each other down in heated silence, waiting for a wind strong enough to ripple the still waters.
The wind comes in the form of Xu Jiaqi sipping milk tea, “It’s so hot and you’re out here in the middle of the day?”
“Don’t underestimate the power of a Douyin vid,” Yu Yan wriggles her eyebrows.
“Pause that. Xue’er, where’s your phone? Xiaotang’s been trying to call you,” Jiaqi says.
Xue’er goes into a state of shock when she pats her flat pockets. “I must’ve left it under my pillow.”
“She said she sent you a number you need to call as soon as possible. Work-related.”
Yu Yan and Xue’er only need to share a glance before Xue’er hands back her phone.
When Yu Yan opens her mouth, Xue’er cuts in as if she’d read her mind, “Don’t be silly. You’re already here. Jiaqi can take the video instead.”
Jiaqi sips the last of her drink, wipes her palm on her jeans, “Sure, I’ll help. If they try to guess, I’ll be fine because we’re roommates.”
Xue’er clicks her tongue when she walks past Yu Yan, “Just pretend it’s me.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but you’re going to get caught one day if you keep doing that,” Jiaqi comes at her with furrowed brows and a tsk on her lips.
“What do you mean?” Yu Yan asks, leveling her expression.
“You know what I mean,” Jiaqi rolls her eyes. She grabs a passing Keran by the arm and steers her in their huddle. “Lu Keran, tell her what you told me after we shot that promotional video the other day.”
Keran blinks, “You mean before our first performance?” Her eyes dart from Jiaqi to Yu Yan and back. “About…?”
“Yes yes, exactly that. Let’s do a reenactment.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Keran exasperates, but Jiaqi has already stepped to the side so that there's gaps for imaginary people between her and Yu Yan.
Yu Yan watches the exchange with an eyebrow slightly raised. Jiaqi taps her foot impatiently.
Keran sighs, decides it’s best to get it over with, and inaudibly mumbles her script about THE9 and their first performance. She walks over to Jiaqi and clears her throat, “I’m always amazed whenever I see Yu Yan look at Xue’er like that.”
Yu Yan and Jiaqi’s eyes go wide as saucers at the same time, only that Yu Yan isn’t acting, and Jiaqi is obviously getting a kick at whatever madness this is.
“What do you mean?” Jiaqi asks, looking around.
“It’s like she’s ready to take a bullet for her or something. It’s kind of intense,” Keran continues. “Kinda scary, too.”
Yu Yan coughs in her fist. Jiaqi chops her palm with the side of her hand. Cut! By this time, Keran could’ve excused herself and go wherever she intended but for some reason she’s rocking on her heels, waiting just like Jiaqi.
Most of them probably knew by now, though they never spoke of it. It was a common dynamic within the group.
Yu Yan composes herself and scoffs, because anything other than that would set everything off with a bang! instead of a whoosh, and she’s hoping she and Xue'er would go with a whoosh like Shuxin and Xiaotang, and Keran and Lin Fan instead of a bang!
Smooth sailing.
In the end, her reply is a curt, “Stop saying nonsense.”
Her roommates don’t pester her after that, not in public.
But of course, Keran would notice.
It is a given that Lu Keran notices everything.
Though Yu Yan hopes Keran doesn’t notice the way Xue’er looks at her. She hopes no one ever will. She wants to keep Xue’er’s glances and have no one but herself catch her in the act of looking, because Kong Xue’er doesn’t just simply look.
There are times when Xue’er’s doe-eyes turn sharp and hot like branded iron, searing with something Yu Yan couldn’t understand. It happened so many times in Changlong before; those nights when Xue’er checked up on her when her hips and back ached badly, on May 26th when Xue’er surprised her on her birthday, and that night when Xue’er caught her while she was peeling the tattoo tape off her back—Xue'er looked at her and said, “Let me help.”
In those moments, Yu Yan felt a strange stirring in the pit of her stomach. Not butterflies, no. Butterflies were too light. It was more of a raging waterfall, deep and flowing.
It felt like she would give the world to her if she'd asked.
Xue’er was better at hiding than Yu Yan, better at looking oblivious to most things. She was the type to be easily misread by strangers, and in time, she learned how to use it to her advantage. Even now, when everyone could easily look into all her quirks and details, over all her reactions on loop and in slow-motion—nothing would directly point to Yu Yan.
They bonded over their passion for the stage, but it was never their intention to hide in the beginning (Yu Yan was not Yuxin). It just so happened that every time Yu Yan and Xue'er see each other, miraculously, nobody was around.
All the dorm room visits and long midnight talks at the balcony led to a mutual understanding that they liked being alone together.
Months passed and they became each other's secrets.
There were far brighter couples and friend circles to keep an eye on, and they contrasted each other in many aspects that only a handful ever thought of putting them together.
Nobody would stop to think that maybe it was Yu Yan who thought of Xue'er's birthday surprise, that maybe she ran with An Qi and Yuxin right after Lion practice in the middle of the night to prepare for it with the NDR team, that maybe Yu Yan meant every word in their shared Who’s the Drama Queen episode where her role was to protect Xue’er all the time, that Keni (Keni knew, of course) always teased her and cuddled to Xue'er whenever the three of them were in the same room—Xue'er this, Xue'er that.
At the finale song choosing, it was almost three in the morning, and everyone was tired from recording the mentor stages. Yu Yan went on autopilot and reached for Xue’er’s hand the moment she stood beside her and didn’t let go until she sat on the floor.
It was natural, but they barely appeared in the same frame throughout the entire show. At best, it was just one of those missed friendships that weren't shown on-screen, if only enough trainees saw them to speak of it during their post-elimination updates.
Nobody in their right mind would waste their time and look into it.
Now, Yu Yan and Kong Xue’er are made up of stolen glances and misdirected smiles until the red light disappears, and then their arms are linked, their fingers tangled, consumed by the strange impulse to be near each other. Sometimes Yu Yan would press a kiss on the side of Xue’er’s head when she thinks nobody’s looking, and Xue’er would wrap an arm behind her waist before they step away from each other in a fluid motion, one already engraved in muscle memory, never to share the same line of sight again, until the doors are closed, and there’s nobody but the members to serve as insulation and keep them from bursting into flames.
In passing glances, they share a little smile and bask in their own mystery.
This is their hide-and-seek. Their catch us if you can.
Final rehearsals for their first performance. Yu Yan hears familiar voices overlapping far away. She sees her members huddled around Keyin’s phone. An Qi and Jiaqi are the loudest as they call out Xiaotang’s name.
Yu Yan rushes up to them and finds a space beside Keran and behind Xue’er and Yuxin. She rests her hand on the small of Xue’er’s back. Everyone is talking and moving, so Yu Yan thinks maybe Keyin is still finding a good angle.
Yu Yan leans closer to Xue’er, curtains half of her face with her hair. She thinks it would look good on pictures. Kind of charming and coy.
Then it all happens very fast. Everyone moves away, disperses in a blink.
Shuxin and Keran turn on their heels and walk away. Xue’er steps to the side, her heavenly scent of all good things in the world combined drift away with the shift in the breeze.
“Huh?” Yu Yan takes a step back, stops breathing for a split second as she gets a clearer view of Keyin’s phone. “You're recording a video?”
There's a good five seconds of recorded disbelief before Keyin presses the stop button, and Xue'er erupts with laughter.