Chapter Text
On December 31st, 11:59 PM, Ashido Mina makes the decision that this year is going to be her year. Granted, she says that about practically every single new year, but this time would be different. She’s going to put more time into her studies, make friends with more students from class 2-B and maybe even 2-C! Who knows! All Mina knows is that this is going to be the best year of her entire life.
Fifteen minutes later, she’s lying flat on her back in one of Momo’s many bedrooms, and Kaminari is kissing her neck. She runs her hands up his sides, digging her nails into the light fabric of his t-shirt. He sucks on a spot just below her ear, and Mina’s breath hitches. It feels nice, it was just…
“Mina,” he mumbles into the skin of her collarbone. “Can I-?” He pulls lightly at the bottom of her shirt, the action asking the question for him, and Mina’s breath hitches for a different reason.
She’s only had sex once, and it was with a guy she barely knew, and it only really happened because they had been lowkey flirting all camp and were a bit tipsy off of some alchohol another camper had snuck in. That had been last summer, and admittedly, it was pretty bad sex. Mina didn’t care too much, her virginity and sex life really hadn’t ever held that much importance to her. This time is different, though. Kaminari is her friend. She is going to see him and talk to him again after this.
It wasn’t like she didn’t think he was hot. Kaminari was one of those guys that anyone with eyes could find attractive. He was funny, too, and pretty sweet when he tried to be. Mina could maybe see herself dating him, if that’s where this hook-up might lead.
She grins, sitting up a little and tugging off the fishnet outer layer of her shirt and then the tight tank top beneath it. Kaminari grins back, sitting back across her thighs from where he was perched over her, and pulled off his white t-shirt. It had some band on it that Mina didn’t listen to, probably a music recommendation he’d gotten from Kyouka or Shinsou, since those two were the primary music lovers of the squad.
He goes back to kissing at her neck and throat , now with the addition of going lower and her chest and teasingly playing with pieces of her bra. Mina trails her fingers along the planes of his back and his abs. Kaminari has nice abs. Basically everyone in the hero course was insanely fit though, even if they didn’t outwardly seem it. They had to be, what with the amount of physical work they do to train. Mina thinks about the one time she’d had a sleepover in Ochako’s dorm. They’d been changing into pajamas, and since they were both girls, they just changed in the room together. Mina remembers how Ochako had sleepily undone the buttons of her school uniform, pulling the white shirt off her body. She had abs and crazy good muscles; pretty big boobs, too. Her body was just flawless, in the same way that Momo or Kendou’s was. It was the kind of body Mina wished she had. Though, Kaminari seemed pretty into her body, so maybe it wasn’t as bad as she thought.
“You’re so hot,” he murmurs, sucking at a spot just above her nipple. Mina smiled, dragging her fingers into his hair and pulling at the pretty blond locks. Kyouka’s hair was a polar opposite color to his, all dark and purple, but the texture and general style was actually pretty similar. They both had thick front bangs, though Kaminari’s bangs were parted to the side, and then shorter cropped bits along the back. It was voluptuous and soft, and Mina loved playing with it. She thinks about the time Kyouka had begrudgingly let Mina play with her hair in the common room while they watched a movie. Kyouka had melted into her touch, and had even made small noises of contentment as she ran her fingers along her scalp.
Mina moans, soft and breathy, the memory encircling her thoughts. She feels Kaminari laugh against her skin, and then he ground his hips down against her, and she moans again. It feels nice.
Mina repeats that to herself as they continue removing more clothes, the temperature of the room rising. She reminds herself of how nice it feels as he slips on a condom, and again as she feels him pull out just before he climaxed, despite the condom. Very considerate.
They both lay on their backs, breaths loud in the now perfect stillness of the room. He rubs his thumb along her side, another arm looped beneath her back. Somehow, Mina had already known that he’d be the cuddly type post-sex.
“That was...good,” he says finally.
“Mhm,” Mina hums in agreement. It was nice.
“You uh, you came too, right?” He asks. Shit. Had she?
“Yeah, obviously. You’re hot as fuck, Kami,” she laughs, shutting her eyes and curling more against him. He chuckles, and she felt it more than heard it. Mina is pretty sure she hadn’t come.
“How long do you wanna stay here?” He says softly.
“I dunno,” she shrugs against him. “We can go back downstairs now, if you want. Just gotta get dressed first.”
“Yeah. Alright,” he agrees, and they both sit up. They exchange a look, and Kaminari laughs a little nervously, while Mina giggles into her hand.
They both get dressed pretty quickly, but Kaminari goes downstairs first, while Mina shuts herself in the bathroom to clean herself up a bit more. Fortunately for Kaminari, he didn’t have any make up to redo, and his hair was naturally perfect, so he didn’t have to fix that either. Mina was not nearly as blessed.
She shuts the door behind her, the noise of the party becoming as distant as it had been when they were in the bedroom alone. She sets her clutch down on the counter, and meets her reflection.
“You just had sex for the second time.” She tells herself, maintaining eye contact. She wets her hands and begins fixing up her curls. Natural, but easily messed up. “It was with Kaminari. You liked it.”
She did. She’d liked it, a whole lot. He’d come, she’d come, it was a great time. Super nice.
Mina drops her hands back down on the counter, feeling cold for some odd reason. It was nice . She liked it.
“You liked it.” She repeats, though it’s a bit quieter now. “It was really good, you liked it.”
She takes out her lipstick and mascara. She always did the slightly drippy smudged eye makeup look, so fixing the eyeshadow and liner was not required. Her lips parted as she feathered the brush up on her lashes, and widened her eyes as she puckered her lips, sliding the darker pink over them.
She shivers as she puts everything back in her bag, nice and neatly. Next, she pulls out the emergency deodorant and perfume she kept in there as well, reapplying. She was ready to head back out to the party and make this her year!
Mina’s eyes burn, and something in her stomach twists. She feels like she’s about to throw up.
“Fuck,” she hisses, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and leaning forward over the counter, bracing her elbows on the surface and digging her sharp nails into her scalp. “I fucking liked it. I liked it. I fucking liked it!” Her voice raises, and she forces her eyes shut even tighter, breath shuddering and stomach rolling around like the ocean.
“I liked having sex with Kaminari,” she whispers. The fact washes back over her a couple times, spins around in her head, politely bringing up some images and sounds and sensations from the previously had sex.
Mina whirls away from the counter, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet and choking out the chips and candy and drinks she’d had earlier in the night. The acidic taste makes her body convulse again, and Mina remains there for what feels like an impossibly long time. When her body stops trying to tear itself to shreds, she sits back, breathing heavily. More heavily than she had after having sex with Kaminari.
A small whimper leaves her lips, and she scrubs at her eyes. She balls up some toilet paper, wiping at her mouth, spitting in the toilet, and then wiping at it again. Her lipstick is probably smudged again, just like it had gotten after making out with and then being fucked by Kaminari.
“God fucking damnit.” She whispers, tears brimming in her eyes and ribs fracturing. She rubs at her eyes again, taking in a long breath to try and calm down. It didn't work. Shit shit shit.
“Shit!” She yells, smacking her hands on the toilet seat, furious. “Why didn’t I fucking like it?!”
The party is still roaring when she comes back downstairs. It’s nearly one in the morning now, but everyone still seems to be in the mood to scream and dance and be around friends. Mina is looking for one friend in specific, one friend whom she knows will drop everything in order to help figure out what the fuck is wrong with her.
She finds Kirishima sitting on the floor against the wall, talking with Bakugou. They’re surrounded by smaller crowds of people, but only seem to be existing to each other. She hopes Bakugou won’t get pissed at her for stealing away his best friend.
Mina feels awkward pushing through the crowd, and even more awkward when she comes to stand in front of them. She doesn’t like the differences in levels right now, especially when she already feels like she might puke again.
The boys both look up, Bakugou immediately scowling and Kirishima lighting up with a smile.
“Hey, Mina! What’s up?”
“Ah, nothing.” She yells back. It’s too loud to talk quietly. “Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you? For a minute maybe?”
“Oh, uh…” he looks between her and Bakugou, clearly conflicted. Bakugou scowls at the ground, and Mina shifts on her feet uncomfortably.
“Kirishima, please?” She asks again, voice edging on hysteria. She’s definitely going to throw up or cry again, Mina can feel it coming. She wants out of here and she wants Kirishima to tell her what’s happening to her.
He must seem to sense the weight of her situation, because he punches Bakugou’s shoulder lightly and gets to his feet. “Later, man. Where’re we going, Mina?”
“Less people,” she replies, grasping his hand and pulling him behind her as they weave through the crowd.
“I don’t think anyone’s upstairs,” he suggests. “And if they are, we just avoid the closed doors, ha.”
Mina freezes in her tracks, and tastes vomit in the back of her throat. “Not upstairs. Let’s go outside. Um, backyard.”
“Oh, sure,” he says, and they change courses to go outside.
Music is still playing, and there’s still people, but it’s fresher and colder, more vivid and less confining. Mina can breathe a little easier out here. She continues taking Kirishima to what she deems the least populated area of the yard. It’s behind a large, currently out of season, cherry tree. She leans back against it, shutting her eyes and trying to come back into herself.
“Mina? Is everything okay? What’d you need to talk to me about?”
She looks up at him, gnaws at her lip. “Kaminari and I had sex.”
His eyebrows shoot up, jaw dropping open. “Wait, seriously?”
“Yeah,” she says, but when she speaks, her voice sounds miserable , “yeah, we seriously did.”
“Oh, wow.” Kirishima tugs at the mullet growing down and trailing around his shoulders. “I’m kind of surprised. I didn’t know you two were into each other.”
“We’re not. Or, I don’t think we are. Sometimes two people just hook up, Kiri.”
“Ah.” He nods, though it doesn’t seem like he fully gets it. Whatever, the guy’s a little slow when it comes to romance.
“Hey, I’m gonna do something,” Mina says, not sure what she’s about to do.
“Okay?” Kirishima’s voice rises at the end. His face is only partially distinguishable, the porch lights too far to fully light his face. She can still make out his features though.
She grabs onto his shoulders, and moves their bodies together, smushing their lips against each other. Kirishima immediately makes a noise of surprise, and starts trying to get out of her grasp. Mina let’s him without resistance. She feels like a monster, now not only for disliking the sex with Kaminari, but also for kissing one of her best friends without asking. She was horrible.
“Shit. I’m sorry,” she says. She can feel tears dripping down her face, but she feels so disconnected from her body that it might as well be someone else’s face.
“Wha- why did you do that?” He asks, tone carefully blank. She’s probably too shadowed for him to see her crying.
“I- I don’t know. Can I- shit, fuck,” she mutters, and digs the heels of her palms into her clamped shut eyes. “Kirishima, I-”
“Mina, I’m gay. I don’t- I don’t know if this is you confessing, or what , but like, I’m not into girls,” Kirishima interrupts, and she blinks at him, processing the words.
“You’re...gay.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” She nods, wipes the tears off her cheeks and onto her skinny jeans. “This isn’t a confession.”
“Okay, so why’d you just ki...kiss me?” He says, a little unconfident.
“Was testing something.” It sounds right, sort of. She doesn’t know why she did it, but testing feels accurate. Maybe trying to see if it was just Kaminari, or if maybe Kirishima’s lips might feel better against her own, his body more natural.
“Testing...what?”
“I don’t know,” Mina says. She feels like she might start floating away, Ochako’s quirk stealing a touch on her body without Mina realizing. “I don’t- fuck. I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I think I might be having a mental breakdown. Not like a fake annoying attention seeking one, but like, an actual one.”
“Oh, okay. Do you need to sit down?” He asks, and Mina shrugs. She doesn’t know what she needs, except that she’d like to know what the hell is wrong with her.
“I think I’m broken, or something,” she says, letting Kirishima guide her down, sitting back against the tree beside her. “No, not or something. Definitely broken.”
“You’re not broken,” Kirishima replies, draping his arms over his knees. “Why do you think that?”
“Because I-” her voice breaks off there, and Mina shudders again. She can feel it; his hands on her body, his mouth on her skin, his dick in her- “Fuck-”
She jerks forward, crawling away and then dry heaving over the ground.
“Woah!” Kirishima gasps, immediately coming forward and prying the clutch out of her fingers, dropping it somewhere behind her. He starts rubbing her back soothingly, trying to support her as her stomach attempts to expel food that is no longer present.
After a few minutes, the heaving subsides and she’s just trembling.
“Did you not want to have sex with him? Like, did he make you?” Kirishima asks slowly, as if not trying to spook an animal. Mina shakes her head violently.
“No, no- not...it’s not that.”
“What happened, then?” He asks. Mina shudders again.
“I didn’t- I didn’t like it,” she finally says, voice barely a whisper. “It was okay when we were just kissing, I think. And I let him, I was okay with it, it felt nice, I-” she cracks and splinters and breaks into a million little pieces. “And I didn’t like it. I didn’t tell him no, but it didn’t feel good. It wasn’t good.”
“Okay.” Kirishima nods, bringing them back to rest against the tree. He keeps an arm around her, holding her against his side. Mina appreciates the contact, trying to use it to ground herself. “Was it just, like, bad sex, then?”
“No. I think it should have been good. It probably was good. But I didn’t...like it.”
“Mina…”
“Fuck,” she murmurs, turning her face to hide it in the fabric of his jacket. “Fucking shit, Kiri.”
“Can I say something?”
“Okay,” Mina mumbles into him.
“It sounds like, to me at least, that maybe...you might not be, ah, into guys? Maybe? I could be wrong, but uh...I dunno.”
“Not into guys,” she repeats. “So like, what? A lesbian? I’m not a lesbian.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, and Mina’s stomach drops. Is she sure?
She shakes her head, averting her eyes. “No, I’m sure. I don’t like girls.”
“Alright, well you could always be aromantic or something like Sero is?”
“I dunno.” She shrugs. The conversation feels weird now. “I dunno, I just want to be home right now.”
“Okay.” He nods, getting to his feet and offering a hand to pull her up. “You have a ride?”
“No.” She shakes her head again, and he tugs her wrist gently towards the house.
“I’ll drive you. Bakugou was wanting to leave soon too, anyway, and I drove him.”
“Okay.”
The car ride is awkward. Mina ends up in the back seat, and while Kirishima seemed like he was trying to be considerate of her presence at first, he and Bakugou ended up engaged in conversation with each other pretty quickly into the drive. She’s dropped off first, and can’t help but be a little happy about it.
The outside of her house is dark, and Mina can’t see any lights on inside. Her parents had given her explicit permission to stay out late, considering she’d just be with friends and it was New Years. She slips the key out of her purse and fits it into the lock, pushing the creaking door open and stepping inside. Just as dark as she’d figured. She pulls out her phone, turning on the flashlight, and re-locks the door, heading down the hall to her bedroom. A lot of her stuff she’d left in her dorm back at UA since she’d just be home for the winter break, and because of that, her room was depressingly bare. The black walls were still covered and layered with colorful tapestries she’d ordered online, and her bulb string lights still draped around the ceiling. A lot of her actual things and decorations were gone, though. Mina breathed out a long breath, plugging in the lights and all at once her room was flooded in neon green light. She picks up the color change remote, switching it to a softer yellow-white color. Much more soothing on her raw eyes and pounding headache.
Mina shrugs off her shirts and pulls off her shorts, the shoes coming off with the balled up jeans at her ankles. She wanders over to her dresser, pulling out some light pajama pants, as well as clean underwear. She changes quickly, and then undoes the clasp on her bra, pulling it off and replacing it with an oversized and paint stained t-shirt. Mina doesn’t bother with taking off her makeup or brushing her teeth, just simply unplugs the light and collapses into bed, wrapping the rich purple comforter over her body and sighing softly.
She didn’t want to think about Kaminari, or what Kirishima was saying about her maybe being a lesbian. She wasn’t a lesbian, she really didn’t like girls like that . They were nice to look at, but anyone could see that. It was an objectively known fact that girls were just beautiful, you didn’t have to be a lesbian to see that.
And Mina isn’t a lesbian.
She isn’t.
She gets a ride with Kirishima back to the dorms when the break ends. It’s nice that they live in the same area, otherwise she would have had to take a train, or worse- ride with her parents. They don’t talk a whole lot, mostly due to Kirishima having to pick her up super early in the morning in order to get to school at a decent time. Mina sleeps most of the way there. She hasn’t talked to Kirishima since New Years, though he’s not special; she hasn’t spoken to any of her UA friends since New Years. She gives herself a pixie cut alongwith two of her middle school friends, and looks up makeup tutorials on YouTube, and hangs out in her room alone, thinking.
She’s been doing a lot of thinking lately.
When they pull into the parking lot, they don’t speak, quietly taking out their bags and exchanging small smiles before beginning the trek back to Heights Alliance. The common room is bustling with her classmates, everyone talking and catching up loudly and vibrantly. Kirishima splits away from her, immediately going over to where Bakugou is slouching up against the wall near the kitchen. Mina smiles a little, but it falls back off her face when she sees Kaminari. He’s laughing loudly with Sero and Kyouka, and something inside Mina freezes over. She doesn’t want to talk to him. Shit. Shit shit shit , they ruined their friendship, didn’t they? How’s she supposed to be around him ever again now? Fucking shit.
Mina ducks away, slipping unnoticed into an elevator, sighing hugely when she’s inside and can press a button to go to her floor. It’s deserted, none of the doors open, though she’s not surprised given that she’d seen nearly the whole class downstairs in the commons. That’s better, though, less people for Mina to deal with when she’s feeling so weird.
Her dorm room looks exactly as she’d left it: slightly messy but more or less together, bright and bold and patterned. Just like she liked it. Mina felt desolate as she methodically unpacked, putting clothes away and plugging in her chargers. She tucked herself under the covers of her bed, resting against the headboard and pulling her laptop in front of her, immediately clicking onto her Twitter. She scrolls mindlessly for a long, undetermined amount of time, before there’s a knock at her door. Mina pushes the computer off her lap, padding over to the door and opening it.
“Hey,” Kaminari says, looking a little awkward. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shifting his weight from his toes to the balls of his feet.
“Hi.” Mina blinks, something cold settling in her stomach.
“Can we talk?” He asks.
“Sure.” She replies lightly, moving out of the doorway to let him in. This is Kaminari. He’s one of her best friends in the whole world. The fact that they had sex shouldn’t change that at all.
“Ugh, this is so awkward.” He laughs, dropping into her rolly desk chair and spinning around. Mina laughs a little. This is at least normal.
“Yeah, I feel that.” She sits cross legged on her bed, facing him and trying to hide her uncertainty. “What’d you wanna talk about?”
“New Years,” he says, and the coldness in her body begins writhing around like snakes.
“Okay. What about it?”
“Mina, I-” He shuts his eyes and swallows nervously. “I kinda like you. A whole lot, heh.” He laughs, scratching at his jaw and not quite looking at her. “I dunno, I mean I’ve been into you for a while, I think. I liked what we did, and I kinda, I dunno, wanna do that more? Maybe also with dates? And boyfriend-girlfriend stuff?”
“Oh.” She breathes. Somehow, Mina had expected this. She’d seen it coming and still felt unprepared, thoroughly thrown for a loop. “I thought maybe you...liked Kyouka.”
He snorts. “Clearly not anymore. Besides, I hooked up with you, not her.”
“Ri-right.” Mina says. She can’t look at him. “Yeah, I’d- mhm, I wanna do that more, too. I wanna be your girlfriend. I like you too.”
“Really?” She looks back up and he’s smiling hugely, a slight pink in his cheeks. Mina can’t help but smile too.
“Really. Um-” she looks away, unsure. “Have you already unpacked and stuff?”
“I have.” A sly smile begins to grow onto his face, and he raises his eyebrows in question. Mina giggles, ignoring her discomfort.
“Alright dummy, come’ere.” He grins hopping out of the chair and flopping onto the bed beside her. He leans in closer, meeting her eyes again. Mina smiles softly, and then closes the distance between them, sinking into the kiss.
It’s nice. Kaminari is a good kisser. She likes kissing him. She likes when he pushes her down onto her back and leans over her, moving down to her neck again. She inhales sharply when he finds a good spot a little below her ear, smiling against her skin and then biting and sucking and licking at it more. Mina makes a small noise, running her fingers through his hair. She likes it. She likes it. It really does feel good, so Mina isn’t sure why she feels like she needs to keep convincing herself that she’s enjoying it.
When they go back downstairs, Kaminari is in an excellent mood. He has his arm around her waist, and keeps it there as they stand in the common room, talking with their friend group. Kirishima keeps looking at her pointedly, but Mina ignores it. She has a boyfriend. Kaminari is her boyfriend, and they’ve had sex twice, and he’s got his arm around her, and she likes him.
Mina feels prematurely exhausted when she goes to bed that night. She’s drained and empty and she has no clue what’s wrong with her, but something must be. She just got a fucking boyfriend, she should be elated!
Mina sighs shakily, the noise coming out a bit more sob-like. Fuck. She scrubs at her eyes, whimpering, curling in tighter on herself. This is so bad. Why does she feel so awful?
She picks up her phone, clicking on Kaminari’s contact. It’s already got heart emojis beside his name.
Kami <3
Hey babe?
heyyy
Wanna come to my room?
are we allowed?
Probably not, lol
Still. U wanna?
fuckin duh
Lol
should i bring a condom or
No, i just feel like making out rn
alrighty see u in a bit
Kk
Mina drops her phone on her night stand, shuddering. She gets out of bed, changing out of her pajama top into a tighter black tank. She wasn’t wearing a bra, but they’d fucked twice, so she figures it’s probably not something to get caught up in.
Ten minutes probably passes before there’s a very quiet knock at her door. She swings it open immediately, pulling him inside and locking it behind him.
“Anyone see you?”
“No,” he laughs. “I was sneaky.”
“Sneaky sneaky.” She giggles, twining her arms around his neck and lacing her fingers together. He smiles warmly, and then they slip into a kiss. Mina already feels better. Kaminari’s mouth and hands are doing a good job of taking her mind off of whatever was making her feel close to a breakdown.
He backs her up against her door, pressing in closer, and she lets him. It’s good. This is very good, very distracting. Perfect.
Is it? Her hands feel clammy clasped against each other, so she pushes them into his thick hair, trying to use that to take her mind off of how clammy and sweaty and cold she feels. Maybe she’s getting sick.
She’s probably getting sick, because when he leaves around midnight, Mina feels like she’s going to throw up.