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“Ok..” Hoseok starts. He’d been staring into Yoongi’s eyes but it seemed as if he hadn’t found what he was looking for. He takes a deep breath, staring into the space just above Yoongi’s head with a newfound determination, “I’ll let you go.”
Yoongi is shocked. His heart is racing in his chest. Feet glued to the ground beneath him as his entire universe spins wildly off of its axis. His mouth is dry and he chokes on his next word. “What?” It’s a question but he can’t be sure if he wants to know the answer. More questions fill his mind as Hoseok begins to move across their bedroom. Why is Hoseok gathering his things? Why won’t he look at him? What is actually happening?
“You don’t want me anymore,” Hoseok states matter-of-factly, his voice surprisingly stable. “I can take a hint. I won’t keep you with me when it’s not what you want. So I’ll let you go.” Hoseok is moving frantically now, his steps shorter and faster like he’s running out of time, out of space, out of everything. His movements betray the assured facade he was trying to create, the one he was trying so hard to drape over himself like a blanket that would protect him from the hard truth of his world crumbling down around him. He throws clothes into his suitcase at record speed with shaking hands. He needs to go so that Yoongi could be free. He is going to let him go.
Yoongi had yet to shake out of his daze. He’s still stunned, his mind racing so quickly he can’t make anything come out of his mouth. “Hoseok...wait,” he manages to mumble, but Hoseok is either ignoring him or is unable to hear him over the sound of him zipping up his suitcase because he doesn’t pause or respond in any way. He’s pulling his suitcase up and beginning to exit their bedroom. Yoongi’s stunned silence turns quickly into panic as he realizes that Hoseok is going to leave. That Hoseok is walking purposefully through their house to their door. Yoongi forces his feet to move after his husband. He takes a deep breath and manages a slightly louder, “Hoseok,” but the man in question keeps moving, his mind singularly focused on escaping from a place he knows he is no longer wanted. With every step Hoseok takes closer to the door Yoongi feels a cold dread creeping up his back, like nothing he’s ever felt before. He knows that if he doesn’t get Hoseok’s attention before he leaves their house that this might be one of the last time he sees him. So he yells. For the first time since he’s known Hoseok he raises his voice. “Hoseok!”
Hoseok stops so suddenly that Yoongi, who had been following closely for the entirety of their journey through the house, almost stumbles over him. This is the first time Yoongi has ever yelled at him. Even in the throes of passion he was quiet, mumbled words and muffled groans, and when Yoongi was angry he tended to retreat into himself, he preferred to silently seethe and avoid the subject of his ire until he’d effectively buried any anger left. The sound was just enough to break the nearly hysterical mantra of Let him go. Let him go. Let him go. that had been blaring through his mind since the last word he spoke left his lips. He turned to look at Yoongi, and he really looked. Yoongi, with his hair in disarray, still messy from sleep, sweating profusely despite the fact that they’d only gone as far as their living room. Yoongi, who’s been ignoring Hoseok for days on end now, never home in time for bed or their favorite late-night talk show. Yoongi, who was the love of his life, who he walked down the aisle with, who had promised to cherish him forever but lately seemed uninterested in fulfilling said promise. He looked into his eyes, for the second time that morning but for the millionth time since they’d met all those years ago and searched for what was missing. He didn’t know what he was looking for but he did know that he hadn’t been able to find it in far too long. “What is it Yoongi?” His voice shakes, he’s vulnerable. Even after being hurt still willing to bare his soul to his husband, hoping that Yoongi will treat it with care. This is the first time he’s seen his husband so uncertain, usually Yoongi is steadfast and stubborn even when he’s wrong but his eyes are shaking and his lips are bitten. He looks afraid, and he should be. Because Hoseok loves him so much that he will let him go. Right now. Without Yoongi ever having to ask. Hoseok is willing to be the one to let go if that’s what Yoongi wants.
Their house is silent. The two husbands looking at each other trying to find the people that they love hidden under layers of hurt. When Yoongi looks at Hoseok he can see the damage he’s done during the weeks of ignoring him. An especially cruel punishment knowing that Hoseok needs interaction to stay happy and healthy and sane. That he is a naturally loving individual who can only be sustained by giving and receiving affection and that for the entirety of those weeks he’d been coming home to a cold house and an even colder husband. He sees the sadness that weighs on his partner, the hurt of every unread text and unanswered prompt for conversation. Wishes that he could go back in time and give him a hug for every one that he missed. How could he fix this? He wanted Hoseok, loved Hoseok but Hoseok didn’t believe him anymore because he hadn’t shown him. Hadn’t even told him in weeks.
“Hoseok...don’t let me go.” Yoongi is looking into Hoseok’s eyes. Hoping against everything that Hoseok will find what he’s been searching for there. “I don’t want you to let me go.” His voice is soft but he’s urgent. Insistent. “Hoseok I am sorry,” he says and he has never meant it more than he does in this moment. “I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry that I’ve ignored you. I don’t want anyone else or anything else besides you and us.”
Hoseok stand stiffly as his husband continues. “I love you Hoseok. Please forgive me, please stay with me, please don’t let me go.” His heart is breaking apart. He can’t get enough air, it’s catching in his lungs. His eyes sting but he doesn’t blink, he’s still staring at Yoongi, still searching desperately in the depths of his eyes. Yoongi gets closer, maintaining their eye contact all the while. The two are inches apart. “Hoseok you mean everything to me. I’ll go to counseling, I’ll show you that I can be better. I’ll never ever make you feel like I don’t want to again, just please don’t let me go.” Yoongi ends in a whisper. He’s pleading, opened himself up so that Hoseok can see all of him. All the broken pieces, all the pieces that Hoseok himself had gone in and patched up, and there hidden in the midst of all the broken pieces is where Hoseok finds it. That missing piece. The one he’d been searching for, the one that could assure him that everything would be alright, that together the two of them could fix this. He lets his suitcase go from the iron-grip he’d been maintaining and sinks to his knees in their living room. Finally he allows himself to cry the tears that had been building up since he’d realized his husband was purposefully shutting him out. Yoongi quickly sinks down in front of him and hugs him like he’s trying to make up for all of the hugs he’d missed.
They don’t speak but later on Yoongi carries Hoseok’s suitcase back to their bedroom closet. Hoseok watches from the bed as Yoongi returns all of the clothes back to their spaces, intermingled with his own. And after they put their closet back together they start the work to put their relationship back together as well. They find a marriage counselor but they also find individual therapist. Fill in the missing pieces and rediscover things about themselves and one another that give them reason after reason to fall more deeply in love. Hoseok and Yoongi never let each other go.