Work Text:
Isabel Magnolia
Farlan Church
Eld Jinn
Petra Ral
Oluo Bozado
Gunther Schultz
All of his friends were dead. His family taken away from him in such a brutal way. Like his mother had wasted away in her bed in the Underground, like how Kenny had just left him. Abandoned him, turning his back on him, and waling away. The only consistency in his life had been abandonment. That ache in his chest, that lonely feeling that settled over all of him, seeped into him, filled him with bitterness.
His entire squad, wiped out in just minutes, and his two friends from a past life he would never forget, gone in a flash; he could still remember Isabel's voice as she called out for him, her big brother to save her, and how Furlan had waved goodbye, already accepting his death, looking almost peaceful in his last moments.
He was lucky he still had remaining friends, though there were few and dwindling, and could he call them friends? Comrades. What was Erwin to me? Does he see me more than a friend, maybe, we could be something more. NO!
He didn't want to ruin their friendship, he'd rather remain friends than destroying their relationship with his stupid feelings.
Though it was still only a matter of time before the titans got to the rest of them. Maybe he should be there to protect Erwin, stay by by his side constantly. Dedicate his entire existence to him, he was already half way there to that goal, finding strength in Erwin's words and his feelings for him that helped him carry on. Feelings?
No, he would only cause his death. Anyone close to him died eventually. He was cursed.
Titans! He fucking hated those humanoid creatures with their leering stupid faces. And the fact that he hadn't even been there made everything so much worse. Hadn't been there to save them from impending doom. It had been all his fault. Maybe if he had been there, maybe, just maybe they would still be here. Or he would at least be dead with them. Dead, and happy. Well, happier. Maybe everyone else around him would be safer. It did seem destruction and death dogged his step. He would be doing them all a favour, he thought. It would be much better this way.
Death.
A sweet release from this tortured and pained existence. Something he wanted. No. Something he needed. Something he could get so easily. So many opportunities. He could even make it look like an accident. Save Erwin the shame.
He ran. Like a coward, he turned tail and ran from his problems and emotions and the agony. Taking the easy way out of everything. Away from the pain. Away from the horror of titans and the Underground. He was so weak, what did Erwin see in him.
He sprinted away from HQ under the cover of darkness. He used his vertical manoeuvring gear to clamber up the wall with practiced ease. Is giving up okay? It seems to be the only way to proceed from here.
Levi stood on top of Wall Rose, right at the edge, teetering in the wind. He looked down, glancing below at the darkness underneath him, it was too dark for him to see the bottom. Like himself. He was too full of darkness for anyone to see the light. He could not bring humanity any grain of hope, a glance at a better world, no matter how much he fought. That was Erwin, and all those who were taken from him. They were the light and hope for a better life.
It wasn't fucking fair. Nothing was, he thought bitterly, chewing on the inside of his cheek hard enough so that after a few moments, he tasted blood.
He unbuckled the ODM gear from his waist, something that had become a part of him since the underground, the thing that had made him Levi and placed it down gently onto the wall beside him, folding it neatly into piles. He took off the sword sheaths, and placed them down as well. Then he unbuckled the gear, did not want to feel the leather pressing against his skin. Levi sat down heavily beside the gear and leaned backwards, bracing himself on his hands. A cold breeze ripped through him, but he didn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything. He was numb, numb to feeling and emotion.
The only thoughts going through his mind were how easy it would be to slip away. How easy it would be to jump or tip over the edge, much less effort having to climb down, not when he could just fall. Fall and finally be free. Finally fly without the suffocating weight of ODM gear, and straps that dug into his skin, without the weight of what felt like the world sometimes, holding him down.
Levi stood, took a deep breath and wrapped the green cloak tighter around his small frame. He could suddenly feel the biting cold, could feel everything that had been blocked off by his senses moment's ago, it rushed at him like a tidal wave, was overwhelming. He stumbled forward, battling the biting wind and his whirling mind.
Was this a good idea? No, focus. He needed to do this. He had to get away from those feelings he tried to hide, tried to bury deep inside. It was too much now. Too much for him to handle. He was breaking. Splintering. Cracking.
He had it all figured out, slip away under the cover of darkness, climb Wall Rose, which was so easy and then fall. Fly and be truly free, escaping all the pain and misery that had dogged his every step.
What he didn't count on was Erwin Smith.
The blond male had gone for a long walk, needed to get away from everyone after that unsuccessful mission, and had seen Levi slip out of the building containing the dormitories where the soldiers slept, his shoulders hunched, trying not to be seen, glancing back to make sure he was not being followed. Though he hadn't spotted Erwin. His curved shoulders and sweeping looks gave it away. Erwin had ducked behind the corner to avoid being spotted, and followed the raven, not liking what was happening though he wasn't sure what was about to occur. It was lucky he had seen Levi.
When he had seen Levi climb Wall Rose, he had thought the Captain was going to hunt titans alone. So stupid and dangerous. That wouldn't have been good, even if Levi was Humanities' strongest soldier, he still needed backup. Everyone needed help. However, when he had seen Levi take his 3D-manouvering gear off, his heart sank in his chest. This was not good. He felt his heart ache. A deep pang in the centre of his chest, and suddenly, it hurt to breathe, chest heaving even though he wasn't taking in any breath. He knew what Levi was about to do, and he'd only beat himself up, it would hang over him, if he would let him. It was unreal, the situation. He hadn't thought that Levi would do this. Go this far to get away from the pain that he was drowning him.
It's for humanity. Saving him is for the benefit of mankind. I need - NO! The people needed him.
He understood the pain of losing people, and Levi had just lost his entire squad. But this was NOT the answer. He needed to act, NOW. Before it was too late. When he had seen Levi stand, and take a deep breath with such finality, Erwin felt something gnawing at his heart, this wasn't happening. He had hoped that it was something, anything else. This couldn't be happening. Levi couldn't just leave him. Not after everything that had happened. Not after everything they had been through. He just couldn't. It wasn't fait.
Levi stood and approached the edge of the wall again, he gazed up at the stars one last time. He let a small smile twitch the corners of his lips up before he let himself tip off the edge, letting the breeze tip him that little bit over the edge. Then he was falling. Flying and falling and tumbling though the air.
"NO!" A voice shouted, but it sounded too far away to Levi. Blurred almost, like the person shouting was underwater. "Levi! No!"
As gravity took it's effect, Levi felt himself plummet towards the dark ground, wind whipping his hair and cloak violently. The cold air made his eyes smart and water, his cheeks turn red and pink.
He had never felt so free. So uncontained. Not held back anymore by the strangling ODM gear straps. This was flying without the weight of humanity on your shoulder. And Levi smiled again.
The air was clean and fresh and cold as it numbed his cheeks, he was comforted by the thought that this was the end. That the pain would end. However his plummet was abrupted suddenly and savagely. He hung limply as the air battered around him, the breath having been forced out of him, and coldness seeping back into him, but he felt warm somehow. Strong arms were wrapped around his waist securely, and Levi felt someone turn him so he was pressed against a hard chest.
Levi twisted in the stranger's grip, and came face to face with a very familiar profile. Erwin. Fucking. Smith. His mouth fell open in disbelief, before it quickly snapped shut as anger coursed though him.
Levi tipped himself off, practically rolling off Erwin's chest. And the blond turned to hold Levi, the ravens arms and legs dangling limply towards the ground. Head bowed, hair whipping into grey eyes.
He screeched loudly, and twisted, trying to dislodge himself from Erwin's grip, wanting, yearning for that freedom death was about to offer. But the hold was too tight and he knew he would never escape. He screamed loudly, high pitched, almost a whine, enough for Erwin to want to clamp his hands over his ears, but instead his clench around Levi tightened. Levi kicked out, pummelling Erwin's body with weak punches as tears streamed down his face.
"Please! Let me go!" He shouted, voice thick with tears and emotions. "Please, please, please. Er-Erwin!" He gasped, voice thick with tears and hurt. Emotions on Levi's face, clear in his dark grey eyes, that Erwin hadn't seen before, well, not in a long time. Not since the first expedition that Levi had been on.
Erwin gently rubbed Levi's back as he flipped around so Levi was draped across his body in a more stable position. Erwin hung horizontally facing upwards, face turned towards the stars, and he saw their beauty. He couldn't fathom how it must have been trapped underground, without the sun and the moon and the stars. "No Levi. I can't do that." Levi hiccoughed slightly, and Erwin pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, warm lips pressing against the cold smooth stretch of pale skin. He felt Levi freeze at that, but then relax slightly in the hold, almost welcoming.
Levi's voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper, and his punches became weaker." Please, Erwin. Please." But Erwin ignored all of Levi's pleading to be dropped, the begging, the scratching, eventually, the screaming, for wanting Erwin to let go and let Levi plummet to his death. Instead he ignored this, though it ached and stabbed at his heart, the pain and hurt in Levi's voice, in his eyes, in his actions, and began the climb up the wall, and though it was awkward with a dead weight holding him down, hindering him, he managed easily enough. Levi didn't weigh that much.
When they reached the top of the wall, Levi pushed himself away from Erwin, and the blonde let him. Levi stumbled away from the wall's edge, and crashed down to his knees. He wallowed in the pain that jarred up his legs. Letting it focus him, and sharpen his senses. Allowing it to bring clarity to his hazy mind.
Erwin sat down as well, watching Levi out of the corner of his eye, waiting for any indication that Levi would throw himself off the roof again in another attempt to end it. Erwin refused to let Captain Levi leave him, not like that. They were...friends, comrades, fellow soldiers. They were, friends. They were more than that.
Levi wiped the tears away as discreetly as he could, turning away from Erwin, he did not want to appear weak in front of his superiors. He was not weak. Wasn't he? His hunched shoulders faced Erwin, and the blonde reached out, and contemplated placing what he hoped would be a comforting hand on the raven's shoulder.
However Levi sat back before Erwin's hand could reach him, he leaned back heavily on his arms. He bowed his head, as if the weight of his emotional anguish was a physical burden on his hunched shoulders. As if the pain had become such a heavy weight that it had started to show in a physical sense.
Erwin reached out once again slowly, allowing Levi to see his outstretched hand approach. Levi flinched, but did not move away, or indicate that he wanted the blonde to stop, so Erwin continued, placing his hand gently onto Levi's trembling shoulder. He felt the warmness of Levi though his clothes, feeling his muscle and bone, felt his aliveness.
They sat like that for a few moments, in the silence. Erwin's hand a warm comfort on Levi's shoulder, grounding him, sharpening his mind and senses. Levi silently stood, walked to the edge again. Erwin was about to hurry to his feet, thinking the worst. However he froze when he heard Levi's whisper.
"It's so dark. You can't see the stars. It's like I'm still underground." Levi stood, framed against the darkening sky like a statue. From before where Erwin had seen the stars so clearly, now the light couldn't get through. The clouds obscuring everything, though all that was needed to show the light was a small gust of wind.
Erwin glanced down at the neat pile of ODM gear beside him. Levi's wings. He stood and moved closer to the small raven, wanting to be close. Because he wanted to show his support to him, nothing more.
"Levi, it's different. There's no roof above your head, it's endless. You're free to go wherever."
Levi spun on his heel. "Are we though? Are we really free? I don't fucking think so," he muttered turning away, so much emotion and pain in his tone. "We are fucking trapped behind these stupid big ass walls. Trapped by people's fear. Erwin. I want to know what true freedom feels like. To be out in the open, not encaged in a pen like stupid pigs ready for slaughter. Erwin, I want to be free. With you." He whispered the last bit, and had Erwin not been listening, really listening, he would have missed it. There was a flash of love and devotion in Levi's deep grey eyes, and Erwin found himself wanting to reach out and envelop Levi in a tight hug and never let go. He wanted to hide him from the harshness of the world, Levi, who was more human than anyone could ever know did not deserve this pathetic excuse of a life. He deserved true freedom. And he wanted to be by the raven's side through it all.
Erwin flushed, he loved Levi. But it wasn't like that? They were comrades, friends? He wanted the best for him, and yes, he could admit that he enjoyed Levi's company a considerable amount more so than his other close friends. No, nothing more that friendship. That was it? Wasn't it? Friendship.
Levi answered that question by yanking Erwin down by his bolo tie and smashing his freezing lips to the commanders warm ones. Erwin froze, before he reciprocated the kiss. His arms wrapping around the raven's petite frame, feeling the lithe and powerful muscles work under his touch. He lifted the small male, holding him tightly in his arms as to prevent him from disappearing. Pressing them so close that Levi could feel the blonde's heartbeat.
It was then Erwin realised, he was so utterly in love with his Captain, his Levi. Had been for a long time, but only now did he acknowledge the feeling of warmth in his chest. Love. He set the smaller male down back onto his feet, both unsteady on their feet, so they clung to each other tightly. Levi dropped onto his ass, and pulled Erwin down with him, both sitting next to each other at the edge of the wall, booted feet dangling over the side. Both just watching the world pass on together in each others company, that both knew would be enough for them.
The knwledge that the love was not one sided made his blood rush, and his heart pound. He shot a glance at Levi, and found that the raven was already looking at him, he held the gaze, and noticed the mix of emotions, the anguish that had always been in Levi's cold grey eyes, and love. Erwin's cheeks heated. Levi took Erwin's large, warm hand in his own, marvelling slightly at just how big the blonde was. He brough the hand up to his lips, and pressed a gentle kiss to the male's scarred knuckles.
They sat like that for a long time, hands clutched together, leaning into each other, just simply sharing the love they had for each other.