Chapter Text
The moment Jaskier had seen Geralt with the sorceress in the crumpling manor, he fooled himself into thinking it was a moment of passion for still being alive. Foolish indeed. Soon the frequency in which they ran into her had become too often for coincidence and Jaskier knew Geralt did something, he didn't say anything, what was the point? It's not like Geralt listened to him anyways. Then the dragon hunt happened. The moment Geralt spat those words Jaskier could feel his heart shatter.
He was proud of himself when he kept his tears at bay, turning to leave the stewing Witcher in his own vices. Jaskier made it halfway down the mountain before the scratching at the back of his throat made him stop and sit for a break, taking a swing of water from the skin he carried only to be sent into a violent coughing fit.
Jaskier fell to his knees at the side of the path, hacking and choking so hard tears filled his eyes before finally something dislodged and flew from his lips. Taking a moment to regain his breathing, Jaskier finally opened his eyes and stared in horror as broken petal pieces stared back at him.
Jaskier couldn't stop the psychotic laugh that bubbled out of him while tears streamed down his cheeks.
~~~~
A two weeks after the dragon hunt, Jaskier heard about the armies headed towards Cintra and he let out a long sigh. He was there not long ago for the princess' name day, singing the "appropriate" songs that unsurprisingly were never about the White Wolf and Jaskier hopped that Geralt pulled his head from his ass long enough to go and actually claim his child surprise instead of being a suborn prick.
He doubted it.
Jaskier threw a handful of petals from his most recent coughing fit into his campfire, watching as the orange edged purple petal pieces shriveled in the heat. His throat hurt but that was no surprise after what felt like hacking up your lungs, his fingers now idly massaging the skin as if to somehow soothe the ache. His heart hurt, his lungs started to sting, and all he could think of is if Geralt was taking care of himself.
A humorless laugh left him as he closed his eyes and shook his head, here he is slowly dying because he loved someone who bound himself to another and all he can think of is if that person is looking after himself. Unbelievable.
The bushed to his left moved and Jaskier flinched, his gaze snapping over to the branches.
"Lovely… I suppose getting eaten by something is better then suffocation." Jaskier muttered bitterly to himself as he stared at the bushes. Much to his surprise, it wasn't a monster that jumped out but a goat, Jaskier looked closer at it, a heavily pregnant goat.
"Oh, you poor dear," Jaskier muttered and slowly scooted to his knees, holding out his hand to the animal. The goat paused and stared at him for a while before cautiously approaching and snuffling around his hand before settling her chin into his palm and bleating rather loudly at him. Jaskier smiled and rubbed his hand across her chin and down her cheek to her neck, giving soft and gentle scrubs as he looks her over.
"Now what is a gorgeous thing like you doing alone, hmm?" Jaskier lifted a hand and brushed it across the goat's back, smiling when she leaned into him. A small frown quickly pressed his lips as he placed his hands on her belly and felt as the dome was taught, the goats breathing picked up as she shifted uncomfortably and quickly dropped onto her knees next to Jaskier, apparently finally feeling safe enough to do so, and started making noises of discomfort.
"Oh, dear… Not quite prepared to have your little kid with a stranger, were you?" Jaskier smiled and gently ran his hands across her stomach, stifling a couch against his shoulder as he focused on helping the poor animal. She was skinny for a goat about to have a baby, which meant she either wandered off on her own and got lost or someone dumped her, either option made Jaskier sad. He was going to help best he could, of course, but he wasn't she if she would survive long after.
It was the middle of the night by time Jaskier pulled the little kid free from its mother, smiling brightly as he rubbed the snout clean of the black-furred kid, quickly glancing at the mother, Jaskier frowned as he noticed it was barely breathing and a bang of sadness made his heart hurt even more. Thinking of the little kid, he helped the mother to stand if only for a moment, and lead the little thing's mouth to get milk, when it latched on Jaskier focused on the mother. Petting along her head and neck, whispering quiet praises.
The mother lasted till morning. Jaskier buried her the best he could without the proper tools not far from where he had made camp and quickly left with kid in hand before anything could be attracted by the smell. Jaskier sighed as he walked along the road, looking down at the still gooey kid in his arms and snorted.
"I suppose we should find a place to clean you up, huh?" The kid bleated at him happily as if agreeing and it made Jaskier smile as he turned around a bend in the road. He could smell water in the air, which meant he was close to some sort of body of water. He hoped for a river, the currents making less likely homes for some monsters.
Jaskier was so happy that something finally worked out for him as he found a stream not long after turning off the road, smiling triumphantly.
"Here we go! Nice, clean, stream to get you washed up, huh?" Jaskier set the kid down, watching as it wobbled about on unsteady legs and chuckled softly as he set down his bag and lute case and rolled up his pant legs. "You'll get used to those."
Once he was set, Jaskier picked up the kid again and waded knee-deep into the water, gently lowering the animal down and held it with one arm while using the other scrub the gross off. When the kid started to bleat to a pattern, Jaskier paused, and so did the kid, it's head spinning about and looking expectantly at Jaskier, and only then did he realize he'd been humming and the kid was "joining in". Jaskier laughed and resumed his humming while scrubbing the kid down, the little bleats picking up again while legs swished in the water.
"There. All clean!" Jaskier smiled as he waded out of the water, setting the kid down and watching as the little thing shook like a dog to get the water off and Jaskier laughed as he took a rag from his bag and wiped down as much as he could from the kid's face.
"I suppose we should get back to the road, so you can dry properly, hmm?" The kid bleated in his face and Jaskier rolled his eyes with a fond smile. "Alright, alright, up we get."
Jaskier picked up the still mostly wet kid, only mentally complaining about his clothes, and headed back to the road. He had to pause as he coughed up more petals, the goat watching them fall to the ground and made a noise as it looked back at Jaskier but the bard simply smiled and cuddled the little creature closer.
Stepping onto the main road again, Jaskier made it his next task to get to the next town as soon as possible to get his Baby Bleater more milk.
~~~~
Days past and Jaskier played in every tavern he could to make money, simply having the desire to sing until he couldn't anymore. His Baby Bleater was a wonderful distraction though, and since the kid was still so small and needed constant care most of the taverns he played allowed the animal inside so long as it behaved.
One evening, Jaskier had to cut his performance short as he felt his lungs shut up nice and tight at the sight of violet eyes staring at him from across the tavern. Jaskier quickly bowed out and swept his coin, lute, bag, and Baby Bleater up into his arms and made a hasty exit. Unfortunately, he only got so far, needing to stop just outside the village as he quickly put his kid down and continued to hunch over himself as he choked on the petals in his lungs.
Baby Bleater made a noise at someone coming up behind Jaskier and when the bard looked, the kid had charged up and smacked Yennefer of fucking Vengerberg in the shin. The sorceress simply lifted her elegant brow at it before looking towards Jaskier, her face it's usual mask of passiveness.
"You ran out of there rather quickly, bard. Does my presence bother you?" Jaskier rolled his eyes, spitting out one final petal before clumsily getting to his feet.
"Many things about you bother me, sorceress. Your presence not even touching the top ten." Jaskier's face scrunched in pain as he held onto his throat and Yennefer frowned, her eyes dropping to where Jaskier was just hunched over and sucked in a harsh breath at the pile of wrecked petals.
"Jaskier… You…" The bard turned his eyes to the ground, making an 'ah' noise before shrugging.
"Yes, well…" Jaskier shrugged again and picked up Baby Bleater as the kid had begun to try and chew in Yennefer's dress. "Nothing much I can do about it, is there."
It wasn't a question and Yennefer frowned hard. "That's bull shit and you know it, bard."
Jaskier rolled his eyes hard and glared at Yennefer. "Because he will never love me when he has you."
Yennefer frowned even worse, this time understanding was also in her eyes. She sighed heavily and gave a reluctant nod, placing her hands on her hips. "I knew he fucked up with that wish… Honestly, I truly believed he cared for you in his own brutish way." Yennefer sighed and closed her eyes, thinking about something before thrusting a hand out to him. "Come with me."
Jaskier looked at her hand then her face. "You're joking, right? You are pretty much the cause of my suffering, and you want me to go with you?"
Yennefer rolled her eyes at him. "The only way to help you is to confess your feelings and have them returned, fall out of love with them, or love someone else." Jaskier glared at her again. "And since we all know the great White Wolf won't pull his head from his ass, I will show you a tea you can make to help slow the process. Maybe you can last long enough to get out of it."
Jaskier sighed and looked at his Baby Bleater, the two of them seem to have a silent conversation before Jaskier gives a reluctant nod and takes Yennefer's hand. "Alright, Yennefer… Alright."
The bard picked her ass and annoyed her to the end of her days and back, but seeing him as he was? That woke something new inside her she didn't realize she had. She was worried about him.
~~~~
Three days after Yennefer had shown him how to make the special tea, a foul-tasting thing in Jaskier's opinion, the bard found himself at some unknown tavern in some unknown town, strumming along with his lute and suddenly his Baby Bleater- who was now steady enough on his legs to prance about the bard's feet -suddenly perked up and made a rather loud excited noise before suddenly running off.
"Hey!" Jaskier went after him, weaving threw people on the street trying to catch his kid. He had to pause to apologize to a couple of people hurriedly for almost running them over then resumed chasing after the kid. Jaskier didn't catch up to his four-legged terror till the little thing was in the stables just behind the inn, breathing hard as he leaned against the wall.
"What the hell, little man? Could choke on my lungs running after you." Jaskier wheezed but his Baby Bleater only looked at him insistently while hoofing at one of the stall doors. Jaskier rolled his eyes some and moved slowly to the stall while trying to catch his breath. Peering inside, Jaskier frowned ever so slightly as his eyes landed on a female goat snuffling at the bottom of the gate and Jaskier sighed as he picked up his- the -kid and placed him on the other side with the goat.
Immediately the kid was prancing about, throwing his head around in his excitement, and bouncing off of the female who was snorting at snuggling at him. Jaskier watched for a long while, his chest hurting even more as he knew the Baby Bleater wouldn't be with him anymore.
"Oi, bard. What you doin' in the stable here?" Jaskier huffed and looked towards the voice, frowning as three large men blocked the exit.
"My goat wished to see the one occupying the stall here. Not to fret, I am leaving." Jaskier held his head high as he gave one last look to his -the- kid then moved to leave but a large hand blocked him from moving.
"I don't think so, bard. Ya' your my friend over there, what wit' your running about like a mad man." Jaskier's brow pinched and looked at the 'injured' man grin at him. "What 'cha gonna do about it?"
Jaskier sighed heavily. "I have no money to give you." To hake his point, Jaskier lifted his empty coin purse and wiggled it, the man scoffed.
"Don' need coin to get paid." Jaskier's eyes suddenly went wide and before he knew it he was punched in the gut and pushed back against a stall door. He tried to catch his breath as large meaty hands tried pulling at his clothing, a fresh wave of fear rolling through his whole body, and he squeezed his eyes shut as the horse in the stall behind him began neighing rather loudly while thumping about.
If felt like forever when it was only seconds that Jaskier's doublet was ripped open and thrown to the side when the horse behind him finally thrust its head forwards and rammed it's forehead into one of the men, knocking him back, and hovering so its chin was resting over Jaskier's shoulder.
"Why you stupid fucki--" The large man to the left began speaking and pulled a dagger from his belt but suddenly yelled in pain as his wrist was snatched and twisted back into a breaking position.
"You men wouldn't be threatening my horse, would you?" This new voice was deep, raspy, and Jaskier felt a different sort of fear run through him. Shit shoveler. A waste of life. Nothing good comes from you. Your fault. Your fault.
Jaskier began to shake as the world moved around him, the men scampering away from the scene while it took a moment for Jaskier to realize he was being spoken too. He blinked a few times and focused on the man standing in front of him and frowned as he focused on golden cat eyes.
"What?" Jaskier's voice was small and the Witcher frowned ever so slightly.
"I asked if you were alright." The Witcher spoke quietly and Jaskier stared at the golden gaze for a moment longer before his face scrunched up and he was quickly shoving to a clear space and began choking on a cough, gagging as a large group of petals forced their way out. Jaskier sat on his knees, panting as he stared past the tears in his eyes at the flowers, his lips pressed into a deep frown and suddenly there is a hand on his back gently patting.
He turned his eyes up to see the Witcher standing over him with a small smile, half of his upper lip pulled in a funny angle and Jaskier realized it because of a scar and his chest hurt just that little bit more for the Witcher.
"Feeling better?" Jaskier was surprised by the softness in his voice.
"Not really." Jaskier gave a weak smile and the Witcher laughed quietly with a small shake of his head. With the Witcher's help, Jaskier got to his feet and after a couple of sways he was able to stand properly, his face scrunched still as he licked his lips.
"Fuck… I hate getting gut-punched…" The Witcher's brow lifted, staring at him.
"You get punched in the gut often?" Jaskier laughed softly.
"Today not counting? Only by grumpy Witcher's." The Witcher's brow lifted higher, looking Jaskier over more closely before suddenly he snapped his finger and pointed at the bard.
"You're Geralt's bard!" Jaskier flinched so hard he stumbled back and the other Witcher frowned, Jaskier shook his head hard.
"I'm not Geralt's anything. He made that quite clear…" Jaskier moved past the Witcher, picking up his ruined doublet and sighing as he began wondering if he could mend it enough for use till he could earn coin for another.
"That doesn't make sense… He always talks about you in winter. At first, he seemed annoyed, but he never talks so much about one person." Jaskier shook his head some.
"Yes, well…" Jaskier threw his doublet into his bag and shouldered it, looking back at the Witcher. Jaskier finally noticed that the Witcher had just come back from a hunt, covered in gore of various pieces and the head of a griffin waiting at the door of the stall of the horse that headbutted one of the men.
"Do you… Do you need any help?" Jaskier motioned to the Witcher's body. "Any stitching you need but can't reach?" The Witcher's brow pinched in confusion and Jaskier sighed. "I know Geralt often leaves a wound on his back to heal on its own… But Witcher or not, you can still get infections, and you did come back in time before those men could… do anything. So… Let me help?"
The Witcher stared at him for a long time before finally giving a small nod, reaching out his hand and smiling slightly. "Eskel. If you are to see me without a shirt on, you may as well know my name."
Jaskier smiled and took the hand, holding it instead of shaking, and gave a small nod. "nice to meet you, Eskel. You obviously know who I am."
Eskel grinned and gave a small nod, Jaskier rolled his eyes with a smile. "Come on then, let's go make sure you are paid properly then get you cleaned."
Jaskier turned to leave the stables but stopped when a bunch of little bleats came from the stall and his brow lifted as he looked over to see the little black head of his Baby Bleater bouncing up and down trying to look at him. Jaskier smiled some and walked over, reaching down to pet the kid's head.
"Why is there a kid? Lil' Bleater… What have you been up too?" Jaskier looked over to see Eskel giving the female goat a critical eye.
"She's yours?" Jaskier asked and Eskel nodded, smiling fondly when the goat bleated loudly at him.
"Yup, had her for years now. Same with Scorpion over there." Eskel motioned towards the black horse who now had its head over the stall door again and swishing its head towards Jaskier. The bard smiled.
"Well… I think I owe Scorpion an apple for… His?" Jaskier looked to Eskel and the Witcher nodded. "His, help with the men earlier, and the kid is my fault. Sorry. He could smell the girl and just went straight to her. Seems to have taken a liking."
Eskel laughed and Jaskier couldn't help but stare at him. When was the last time he saw a Witcherlaugh?
"Alright then, seems you're both stuck with us then." Eskel smiled at Jaskier and the bard blinked in confusion.
"What now?" Eskel motioned towards his horse, then the goat.
"Scorpion clearly shows a liking to you, and your dear little kid has taken to my Lil' Bleater." Eskel gave Jaskier a charming smile and the bard felt his insides turn to mush. "So, you're stuck with us."
Jaskier smiled at Eskel bright, if life could give but a blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!, and his smile fell as he turned his gaze to the ground.
"I'm flattered, dear Witcher… But I'm afraid I can't." Eskel frowned and stared at Jaskier.
"Why not?" Jaskier gave his best smile, but he could tell the Witcher wasn't buying it.
"It's been made clear that I am not of any help. I will only burden you." Eskel frowned, hard, and reached over to take Jaskier's wrist in hand and pulled him along.
"What are you doing!?" Jaskier tested the pull of his arm but Eskel only tightened his grip, not enough to hurt though.
"We are getting me paid, and you are going to help with my wounds as promised, then you are going to tell me what the fucking whoreson of a brother of mine did to you." Jaskier tried to protest but Eskel just kept pulling him along, griffin head in hand.
Dealing with the Alderman was easy, Jaskier only had to nudge ever slightly for the actual promised price and Eskel dragged into the inn, Jaskier handled the haggle for the room and bath while Eskel fished out the coin and soon the two of them sat in the room rented. Jaskier watched as Eskel removed his armor, feeling awkward and out of place as he looked about the space of the room. When the bath arrived, Eskel was shirtless and seated on a chair in the corner while Jaskier opened the door for the servers to set everything up quickly before running away.
Jaskier sighed and moved to Eskel, fishing around in his bag and pulling out the kit he had grown in a habit of carrying while with Geralt and motioned for the Witcher to turn around. Eskel did so, remaining silent, and watched Jaskier in the mirror on the wall of the room as the bard got a look at the two long claw marks running across his back. Jaskier made a noise.
"You've already started to heal… But they're dirty. You won't need stitches, but I'm going to clean it." Eskel gave a slow nod, watching as Jaskier pulled out a small vial and some bandages. "Probably won't, but, this may sting."
Jaskier poured out the vial till the bandage in his hand was soaked and quickly pressed it to the angry wounds on the Witcher's back. Eskel's nose wrinkled and he flinched as the stinging shot through his back. Jaskier gave a small laugh.
"So it does sting? Geralt never…" Jaskier shook his head, his voice trailing off. Eskel watched Jaskier as he worked, frowning some.
"You love him." Jaskier froze and looked at Eskel's face in the mirror, a gentle smile on the Witcher's face. "I saw the petals… Sorry. I know most people don't like others knowing."
Jaskier frowned and looked back at what he was doing, gently dabbing the bandage across the wound.
"He broke your heart?" Jaskier scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"Can't break what he never wanted." Jaskier moved to pour more from the vial and Eskel frowned.
"He doesn't know." Jaskier shakes his head despite the words not being an actual question.
"No. He doesn't, and he's not going too." Eskel frowned harder, reaching around to grab Jaskier's wrist and pulling the bard in front of him.
"You are going to die. Unless you tell him." Jaskier looked away, pulling his hand back.
"Only if his feelings are the same… And it's not like it's my only option." Jaskier walked back around and resumed cleaning the wounds.
"Yeah, but you don't exactly hear about people falling out of love or in with another when it comes to this." Jaskier sighed heavily, pressing rather hard on the wound and making Eskel hiss.
"It doesn't matter, alright? He doesn't want me that way, never will." Eskel frowned hard but wisely keeps his mouth shut, his eyes dropping to the floor. Jaskier huffed quietly and quickly finished his work and flicked Eskel's shoulder as he tells him to get in the bath. Jaskier keeps his gaze turned even though Eskel could care less, a small smirk on his lips when he saw Jaskier blush.
"Thought you were some great lover? Why are you blushing over there?" Jaskier snorted, flashing Eskel a sassy grin when the Witcher was seated in the water.
"Whatever tales Geralt may have told you, I've only ever topped. Man or woman." Eskel's brow lifted slightly. "Bottoming… that's… Special…"
Jaskier looked away as he quickly gathered his bathing oils and Eskel stared at him with a curious look.
"Special? How special can it be? You find someone you like, you let them shove their cock in you. Or is it that you've never found any man, ah, adequate?"
Jaskier rolled his eyes but smiled as he looked at Eskel again, grabbing the Witcher's hair and pushing the man down low enough where he could dunk quickly.
"No, you ass." Eskel snickered. "There are just… Things." Eskel groaned when Jaskier's fingers wove into his hair and massaged oils into the strands.
"Things?" Eskel let his head be moved however Jaskier needed if he could have something like this every day, fuck… His brother was a moron. "You have me very curious, bard."
Jaskier laughed softly, shaking his head some. "It's a stupid thing. Don’t worry about it."
Eskel stared up as Jaskier as the bard tilted his head back and ran his clever fingers threw his hair, a quiet sigh leaving him as his eyes slipped closed while Jaskier's fingers traveled and pushed his head ever so slightly back more and water rushed over his head to rinse and Eskel couldn't stop the groan that left him even if he wanted too when Jaskier's fingers ran from forehead to neck and gently massaged. Jaskier chuckled as he watched Eskel become completely blissed out under his touch, a small proud smile on his face now as he rubbed clever fingers across the knots in his shoulders.
Jaskier continued to pamper Eskel till his fingers began to prune and the Witcher turned into a puddle of goo. Jaskier smirked at the small whine that left the Witcher when he pulled his hands back. "Come on. Up, can't have you turning into a prune."
Eskel grunted and stood on boneless legs, Jaskier's laughter making him grunt and flick water at the bard who squeaked indignantly, offering a towel to Eskel the bard just grinned more as the Witcher dried himself off best he could and slipped into a pair of trousers before falling onto the bed. Jaskier rolled his eyes and shoved Eskel so the Witcher was properly on the bed, and Eskel snorted at him.
"Did you know… You smell like wildflowers?" Eskel slurred his words a bit and Jaskier just smiled at him, the Witcher smiled sleepily. "Wildflowers, at midday, all sunny and shit."
Jaskier laughed and shook his head at Eskel, taking the towel from before and rubbing Eskel's hair a couple of times to dry it more.
"Sleep, silly Witcher." Eskel grunts in affirmation, his breathing quickly evening out as he falls asleep. Jaskier shook his head and moved from the bed, propping himself on a chair while pulling out the tea from his bag and set about boiling some water.
~~~~
Jaskier didn't know how it happened. One moment he was trying to set off on his own, the next he found himself walking alongside Eskel as the Witcher spoke to Baby Bleater in Jaskier's arms. The bard blames those stupid puppy eyes from the Witcher, he didn't even know they could give puppy eyes!
Jaskier sighed as he watched Eskel fawn over his little kid while leading Scorpion by the reigns with Lil' Bleater prancing about around their feet. Jaskier rolled his eyes, smiling at the antics of the Witcher and the animals, but suddenly thrust Baby Bleater against Eskel's chest and dropped to his knees as he started coughing violently.
He managed to wiggle to the side of the road, Eskel following with a worried expression and the Witcher knelt next to him as Jaskier coughed up more complete petals. A small frown on the Witcher's lips as he placed a hand on Jaskier's back and gently rubbed along it.
When Jaskier finished hacking up the petals, Eskel held out a water skin to him and the bard smiled ever so slightly before taking a small sip and swished it about his mouth then spit and took another more deep drink of the skin and panted as he caught his breath.
"How long have you been sick?" Eskel's voice was soft, continuing to rub along his back. Jaskier shook his head.
"Weeks? Months?" Jaskier laughed softly. "Someone could probably convince me it's been years." Jaskier shook his head and sighed and Eskel gently pressed the back of his hand against Jaskier's cheek and the bard subconsciously leaned into the touch as his eyes closed.
"A long time then. I could smell tea this morning, does it help?" Jaskier nods ever so slightly.
"A little… Supposed to slow it down. Sometimes it feels like It works, other times… It makes the coughing worse… Keeps the petals down longer. Side effect." Eskel frowned.
"Who gave you the tea?" Jaskier opened his eyes and looked at Eskel.
"Geralt's sorceress love." Eskel frowned hard and sighed, helping Jaskier to his feet and leading the bard to Scorpion.
"Sleep. You didn't get enough last night." Eskel clicked his tongue against his teeth and Scorpion bent at the knees and lowered himself. Jaskier was settled on top of the horse and Eskel put Baby Bleater in Jaskier's lap. The Witcher clicked his teeth again and Scorpion stood, jostling Jaskier a bit but the bard managed to stay on while hugging the kid to his chest before settling the kid in the saddle in front of him. Jaskier peeked at Eskel from the corner of his eye and the Witcher just smiled at him.
Jaskier returned the smile and reached out, taking Eskel's hand in his and giving a gentle squeeze before his eyes slipped closed and Eskel started to lead Scorpion forward.