Chapter Text
Steve
Steve was just trying to buy bread when it happened next. He sighed heavily, letting the familiar overlay of another scene play out, filtering over the shelves of wholemeal, gluten free and white bread he stood in front of. He had no idea how long the vision would last, so he stepped back out of the way of other shoppers, and with disinterest honed over two decades he waited, wanting it to be all over as quickly as possible.
a gorgeous redhead laughed, smiling brightly, looking directly into his eyes before leaning over and grasping his forearm, squeezing tightly. Words escaped her and he chuckled, shaking his head, looking around the room. The room was full of boxes, and half unpacked items, but the sun coming in through the uncurtained windows was cozy, warm, inviting. A TV played a rerun of an original Star Trek episode, and eyes lingered on Captain Kirk a moment before looking back to the redhead. She spoke, lips forming a word that he missed when his eyes flicked away, and he shook his head again at what she said, a frown forming on her face
Suddenly the overlay was gone and Steve was staring at bread again; he grabbed the first loaf he could in a huff, angry at himself for still feeling something after all of this time. He should have known better.
He was fifteen when he received his first overlay, the excitement of having a soulmate even if it had come almost ten years earlier than most people, meant that he’d not be alone for the rest of his life. It had bolstered Steve through those formative school years, made being picked on not so bad, made being the smallest in his year not as awful (he was always in the front row for class photos) and it also made him stand up for what he believed in. He was worthy, he deserved love, he had a soulmate, so everything would be fine. They’d soon figure out who the other was, meet, fall in love - end of story.
That is not how it went.
Steve was almost thirty five and still had no idea who his soulmate was. He was beginning to think it was the universe's idea of a grand joke at his expense.
He paid for his groceries and started the trek back to his apartment, and for the millionth time in his life, Steve couldn’t help wonder who his soulmate was. He didn’t really want to think about it, it made him angry because clearly they were not meant to be, his soulmate didn’t want to find him, but still he could wonder.
For all intents and purposes he felt abandoned, like his soulmate had just left him untethered in the world. They’d deserted him to his own devices, to navigate life alone without even a passing thought. First his mother left, though not by her choice, death was a fickle thing, then to his anguish his soulmate had never bothered to appear. Whether that was their intent or not, he didn’t know. He could only speculate and guess.
Steve pushed aside the reasoning that it might not be his soulmates’ fault he’d not reached out, because in fact, Steve over all the years, had yet to see anything in the overlays that could identify him in return. Steve knew he was in Brooklyn somewhere, knowledge that made Steve reluctant to move, yet his soulmate was still an enigma, a mystery. One Steve was getting tired of obsessing over, and was trying his damndest to let go of.
But, Steve was allowed to feel petulant and assume his soulmate was being aloof and contrary on purpose. It had been a long time after all, and surely even though Steve hadn’t glimpsed anything pertinent about his soulmate, they’d must have seen him at least once.
And that was what Steve was afraid of.
He’d been seen and was found lacking.
Not attractive.
Pushing aside the raw feelings that bubbled up whenever his thoughts landed on that possibility, Steve sighed and pushed his glasses back up his nose and ran a hand through his coiffed blonde hair - that he’d probably now just messed up. He honestly didn’t care.
The ringing of his phone pulled him from his funk and he saw Peggy’s name pop up, and how in hell did she do that? She somehow always knew when he’d received an overlay, it was uncanny. Though she could just be ringing to chat about their plans later that night.
“Hey,” he answered as he jumped out the way of a cyclist while crossing the road.
“Hey yourself. Tell me what’s going on?” Peggy was nothing if not blunt, her accent making her seem even more sharp, but that was just Peg, she was the softest person he knew.
Steve didn’t want to tell the truth, he was sick of talking about it and feeling crappy after a vision. He was always full of what if’s, what he could do differently, what he could try just to get his soulmates interest, a name, hell , anything. He’d even take a rejection, just so he’d at least know. Try and move on.
“You had a glaze, didn’t you darling?”
Of course she’d pick up on it.
“Yup,” he popped the ‘p’ and stopped to look in the window of his local art store, noting they had new parchment paper in, he’d go back the next day when his hands weren’t full and get some. As he walked away, he caught a glimpse of himself in the window and sighed. He wasn’t what you would call classically handsome, he’d been called cute too many times in his life for it to mean anything but, and sure he was small, barely hitting five foot five inches, but he worked out hard and was strong for his size. He’d even achieved proper abs in his late twenties, though he’d let himself go a little bit since then.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not at all…” he went quiet and then let out a long deep sigh, and said with almost a whisper “...yes.”
“Okay, I’ve just made a hot cuppa, let’s work this out together. Tell me what you saw.”
Steve wanted to reach through the phone and hug Peggy, she was always there for him. She was one of the lucky ones, her overlays, or glazes, started in her late twenties and in only two years, Daniel and her had seen enough to find the other. One kiss is all it took and Peggy had said everything aligned in a way she couldn’t explain, it just felt right. Of course true love's first kiss would play into the ridiculousness that was soulmates, if you kissed someone who wasn’t your soulmate the overlays would cease, so Steve was, essentially an adult who’d never been kissed. He’d certainly had sex, but never felt the press of a mouth over his own, nose-kisses were the equivilant, but clearly not the same. Sighing heavily, Steve wasn’t bitter, not really.
But Peggy and Daniel had been together for two years and were clearly made for each other, the air was electric around them, it was amazing to witness and be a part of, even from the sidelines. Which made it all that much harder for him to brush aside that he didn’t need or want a soulmate, not when he saw first hand how it could be. Steve had been ecstatic for her of course, but it also left a small hard rock-like feeling in his gut that he’d been waiting for so long with no happy ending in sight.
“What was it this time?” Peggy asked not needing to clarify her question, he knew exactly what she meant.
“The redhead.”
“Oh, drat” Peggy said, “but honestly, I still believe it’s his best friend.”
Steve gave a disbelieving hum and turned the corner to his apartment, noticing a large removalist truck out the front. Seemed the building was getting a new tenant. “I don’t know, she’s been in them on and off for over ten years now, always touching, or out with him, or hanging together eating. Very, I’ve-been-dating-you-for-years like behaviour.”
“Well, let’s not be rash, and think about this properly Steve. If he’s seen me at all over the past seven years we’ve been friends, he might be thinking the exact same thing.”
Steve didn’t answer, just allowed himself to feel a little resentful with no repercussions for a moment. And it wasn’t like you had to end up with your soulmate, in fact some people chose not to, to ignore the visions, to kiss other people and marry someone else. Steve had actually dated extensively, but never allowed himself to get too serious, just in case. And there was a time where he thought he and Peggy might try a relationship, but then her overlays started, and he’d let the errant thought drop. They were much better as friends anyway.
“It’s just a stupid concept, right?” Steve started, “I know I’ve talked your ear off about this, but why in hell would there be a genetic system set up that is so… I don’t know - sloppy? There is no sound, no idea on how long a glaze will last, no way to know when they are seeing through your eyes so you can, I don’t know, throw your name or address up. It’s almost as if they made it as hard as possible. I mean, Peg, it’s been almost twenty years and not even a hint of who he is, just random bits, like living in Brooklyn, this Borough is huge , and how does the office he works at have no stationary or branding anywhere? it’s just… I don’t know. Disheartening, I guess.”
He huffed and tried not to bring up the fact he knew by heart, that almost seventy percent of soulmates met within three years of the first overlay, twenty within seven, nine within ten years. Then there was Steve in the lonely one percent. He was also the first known case to have received his overlays in his teens, a full ten years before they were supposed to start. Well in the New York State area at any rate. His first therapist had told him that maybe there was a glitch in his genetic code, that when he’d almost died at ten, it had messed with him. Needless to say he didn’t see that therapist again, though the sentiment stayed with him. Was there something wrong with him?
“You know my thoughts on this, you need to stop beating yourself up, it’s not healthy. He could be just as frustrated as you, he could be searching high and low too. Did you sign up to that website I sent through?”
“I’ve been busy.” He replied, not really wanting to voice that he was over it, that he was ready to give up and didn’t want to spend more money than he’d already had, to find a person that might not want to be found. “I’m actually thinking about dating again, getting out there.”
Peggy was quiet for a beat, “I think that sounds wonderful actually. It will be good to meet new people and you’ll find someone who’ll make you happy, I’m certain of it.”
Steve made a noise, the idea of getting out there, even if he began with just a casual hook-up, started to make him feel a little better, it had been too long since he’d enjoyed someone’s company that wasn’t part of his close friend group. He’d been lingering on his soulmate for too long.
Walking up the stoop of his apartment, dodging boxes and bags, Steve opened the heavy door to the foyer, when he heard a small grunt and a ‘can you hold that please’. Using his back to hold the door open, he let a large man holding a huge box shuffle in.
“Hey, thanks man,” a deep voice said as they squeezed past.
“No trouble,” Steve replied as he admired thick thighs, eyes trailing down to the impressively muscled calves showing from under loose cargo shorts. He couldn’t help the appreciative rise of his brow when his gaze landed on the broadest shoulders he’d seen in a while, all paired with gorgeous dark hair caught in a messy bun. Huh, Steve kind of hoped this guy was moving to his floor, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have some eye candy to help him get over his soulmate. Pity the man’s face was hidden behind a box and he couldn’t get a proper look.
“Are you still there, Steve? I think you cut out for a moment, bad connection?” Peggy’s voice startling him from his contemplation.
“Uh, yeah, something like that,” Steve replied, a little taken aback at how he couldn’t drag his eyes away from the man waiting for the elevator, the deep voice thanking him, reverberating in his mind. Shaking himself from his stupor, he forced himself up the stairs.
“Are you still coming over tonight? Daniel, Wanda and Kurt are looking forward to seeing you.”
“Of course, Pegs. I’ll be there - I’ve picked up some of the goats cheese from that deli you like.” He let himself into his apartment, and hoisted the bags onto his kitchen counter, looking around at his neat kitchen.
“Perfect, sounds lush. Can’t wait to see you, it’s been too long. See you at seven sharp.”
They said their goodbyes and Steve packed everything away before slumping onto his couch, staring up at the ceiling then sighed. A thump from above made him jump, and he realised the new tenant must be living one floor up.
Oh well, maybe he’d see him around the place anyway, even if they didn’t share a floor. Finally bolstering himself to move and get up, Steve headed for the shower, readying himself to go back out to see his friends. The whole time he was under the spray of hot water, Steve put all thoughts of soulmates out of his mind, deciding to focus on a faceless man with broad shoulders and gorgeous legs instead.
Bucky
Natasha was driving him mad. Bucky wanted to move apartments in peace, he didn’t ask for or want any help, but she was like a pesky little sister, in more ways than one and came around anyway. Instead of helping she was picking through his belongings, creating a pile of things he could live without. Bucky was ready to throw her out the window.
“Don’t put that there,” he said for about the fiftieth time in three hours, “how about you go do a coffee run?”
“What, and leave you to decorate this place alone, come on.”
Bucky sighed and placed the last box he had brought up on the ground, and stood with his hands on his hips watching as she lay splayed out over his armchair in the window. Natasha was cat-like in her grace and movements, and also had claws, luckily for him they were very rarely pointed in his direction. Though he had a feeling they’d come out soon if he started to push at her like he wanted to.
“I’m perfectly capable of hanging a few prints up and chucking a throw rug on my couch,” one he’d just spied on top of the box he’d dumped, Bucky grabbed it and threw it on her so it landed over her head.
“Case in point,” her head popped out, hair in disarray and held up the rug, “these colours are going to clash with almost everything in this room.”
“And?” he responded, knowing it would annoy her, he was right, Natasha’s green eyes narrowed. But before she could give him another mouthful on how he was clearly colour blind, he said, “I think I half met someone from the building today. Seemed nice.”
“Oh…?” she asked.
“I mean, he held the door for me, I didn’t get a look at him, just his back as he ran up the stairs while I wrestled getting this box in the elevator.”
“You going to bone him?”
“Nat!” Bucky exclaimed, then sighed, “just because I haven’t dated anyone in a while, doesn’t mean the first person I see in my new place I’m going to fuck, no matter how cute his ass was when climbing stairs.”
Natasha eyed him up and down, her face turning serious, and Bucky knew what was coming and honestly didn’t want to hear it, was sick of hearing it, thinking about it.
“James, your soulmate isn’t coming to find you, I mean it’s been almost fifteen years and nothing. You need to let go of it.”
Bucky huffed out a breath of air, “Want a water?” he asked and when she nodded slowly, he went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of bottles, just needing a second to control his thoughts before he inadvertently started another fight with her about it all.
Trouble was, yes , he knew he should move on, but could he? Not quite. He was a hopeless romantic (heavy on the hopeless) and even though he’d spent over half his life searching and seeking out his hidden away and hard to find soulmate, it just didn’t feel right to completely give up.
He passed over the water and she took it with a soft smile, she was not done with him. Sighing, he waited for Natasha’s usual line. He loved her to death, but god, was she also annoying.
“You’ve spent so much money on trying to locate him, not one of those soulmate finding companies could help, which means he probably hasn’t seeked you out either. I know you know he’s here in New York, and you see a lot of Brooklyn and that his artwork centres around cityscapes and portraits, but… fifteen years James. It just seems -”
“- I know what it seems like, Nat. Believe me I do. And sure, maybe he hasn’t gone to Soulfinders or Mate2Mate but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been searching too. I just don’t understand that if this genetic soulmate thing is so spot-on, why haven’t I seen his face?”
Bucky had spent a lifetime staring at other mens hands, searching for the exact pair he always saw in his overlays. Hands as almost familiar as his own. They were strong, a little gangly and so very competent, especially when painting, and Bucky may have fallen down the rabbit hole a few times imagining how they’d feel on his body, touching him, making him fall apart.
He’d also stopped at countless art shows, supply stores, everything art related, trying to find his soulmates paintings. So far he’d come up blank, seeing similar styles, but never quite right. Annoyingly enough his soulmate never signed them, well not when Bucky had seen, nor did he sell them it appeared. It was as if he were being deliberately hard to find.
“Well at least you know what his girlfriend’s face looks like at least,” Natasha teased and although he knew she was joking and trying to wind him up, he still felt the pang from all those years ago when he thought he’d lost his soulmate to somebody else.
It was about seven years earlier when the stunning brunette first appeared in the overlays, and Bucky had immediately felt sick. The way his soulmates eyes didn’t leave hers while she spoke, the way she was constantly around, going out together, doing things. Scared he’d soon have his glazes cease when he kissed the brunette. But then a dark haired man had appeared a few years earlier, and Bucky could tell the brunettes were soulmates and his heart lightened, lifted. He still had a chance, no matter how slim it seemed.
“On that note, when are you telling Clint that he’s your soulmate?”
Natasha’s face went an unusual shade of colour, she didn’t blush per se, but she reacted and that was wonderous to Bucky. He loved catching her off guard.
“I said not to bring that up again.”
“Oh, so you can give me crap about my lack of soulmate and moving on, when you know who yours is and you’ve not approached him. Come on, Nat - how’s that fair?”
She rubbed a hand over her face and scowled.
“I’m just waiting for the right time.”
“Admit it, you’re scared.”
A pillow with no casing flew at his head, and he caught it easily and smirked. Natasha had been working with Clint for a few years, had always had an aloof sort of crush on him, not that he’d know as she wasn’t great with showing affection. Then one day her overlay showed Clint, naked in front of the mirror bar a pair of mismatched socks on his feet, and still Natasha hadn’t approached him. Bucky could hardly believe she’d told him the story, though he was infinitely glad she had.
But, Bucky was still a little frustrated that part of her happiness stood directly in front of her, there for the taking, yet she didn’t reach for it.
“I’m not scared, just, you know, don’t want to rush into it, I don’t want him to faint or something.”
She had a point, Clint had been following her around like a lost puppy, clearly half in love with her already, and finding out she was his literal soulmate might not be great for his heart. His glazes clearly hadn’t shown too much of Nat so far.
“Well since you’re here, you can at least help me put my bed together.”
Natasha rolled her eyes, but he could tell she was glad for the change in topic, and with a put-upon huff, stood up and followed him into his new bedroom. Bucky loved the light in the room from the two big windows, and was supremely glad he’d decided to move apartments, it was a fresh start in a way. He wasn’t purposely moving in and around Brooklyn in the hopes he’d run into his soulmate, but he’d be lying if he said it hadn’t crossed his mind.
The opportunity came to move when work had given him a raise and he saw a recently renovated apartment come up in an old building that he’d walked past frequently over the years. Bucky had been drawn to it for some reason, and he didn’t need to think twice about relocating. Plus it was closer for him to commute for his work in the financial district. So there he was, moving in and having a fight over the fact his sheets and comforter didn’t match.
“Really?” he asked incredulously as Natasha ripped the sheets off, then scrounged around in a bag for another set.
“Well you can’t invite the hot guy who lives in the building around and have him lay on orange and blue sheets - where in hell did you get them anyway?”
Bucky ignored her dig at the garish colours, he’d partially bought them because he knew she’d hate them, plus they were bright and he liked bright. There was no way in hell he’d admit the colour reminded him of a sunset painting he’d seen his soulmate do once. It was one of the longest overlay’s he’d ever been in, almost half an hour, and he sat on the edge of his sofa the whole time, drowning in the picture, hoping for any little snippet that might lead him to meet the person painting it. But once more there were no clues. He could still taste the frustration years later.
“And why would he be laying on my sheets?”
“Because, you need to date again, and this is the first time you’ve mentioned anyone’s ass in a long time, so I’m running with it. I think I might start knocking on doors to find him, see if he’s interested in a little -”
“- if I take you with me linen shopping will you shut up?”
Natasha’s mouth shut with a click, and a smug smile started to grow. He’d been had, she’d played him like a fiddle. Sighing, Bucky grabbed his new house keys and his wallet.
“Alright, let’s go, but you’re buying the coffee.”
“Deal,” she said and preceded him out of the apartment.
Bucky locked up then looked both ways down the hall, his heart lurching as a door just across the way opened. But he didn’t glimpse the slight man he’d seen the back of earlier, instead it was an older lady who looked his way and smiled. Bucky returned the smile and gave a small wave and followed Nat to the stairs, not certain if his new neighbors would be up for a chat. Some New Yorkers could be funny about niceties. Especially with strangers, he might wait a bit before introductions were made.
As he bounded down the stairs to catch up with Natasha, he spent a second thinking of the man he’d seen earlier and wondered why his brain had decided to fixate on him. Maybe he did need to date casually again, get out and enjoy himself. He wasn’t about to forget his soulmate, but Bucky also couldn’t live like a monk and forget that connections, pleasure and friendships could be forged.
With that in mind, Bucky was going to make a concerted effort to meet the man who’d held the door open for him. He never knew, he might make a new friend.