Chapter Text
She comes home and he’s sprawled out on her couch, eating Doritos. “What are you doing here?” she asks flatly, tugging her mask off.
He looks over his shoulder at her, grins, and turns his attention back to the TV. “Hey, pretty girl. The boxes got tired of my old apartment, all that yelling and screaming and bang bang bang!”
“So you came here.”
“So I did.” She sighs and plops next to him, not bothering to peel her uniform off. “You did great tonight, by the way. Cap’n Tightpants agrees, I heard him telling the Red Scare.”
“I…uh…thanks?” she tries, his compliment taking her by surprise. She’s never sure what Deadpool will do. It took a year before she let him see her face. He used the pronouns she wanted, and he’s called her pretty girl ever since.
Now she comes home and he’ll be passed out on her couch, bleeding everywhere as his legs grow back, or she’ll wake up to the smell of waffles and his cheery warbling. “But, uh, you coulda killed that one guy. All his fuckin’ screaming was driving me insane.”
“Wade, I am exhausted, and so not in the mood for your crazy today.” She catches the brief play of hurt across his face and winces, feeling like a jerk. “Uh, however, if you’d like to stay and be quiet, I can beat your butt at Mario Kart again.”
He grins, nodding, loose like a bobble head toy. “You know, baby doll, the boxes just love you love you love you, Spidey.”
He moves close, pushes his head into her shoulder, and his skin is dry and ridged. “I’m sure I’m thrilled.”
He guffaws, kicking his feet, always so dramatic. She brings the game screen up as he mutters, “I’m gonna win, Spidey. Eye of the tiger and I’m real thrilled to fight.” She ignores his constant stream of commentary and proceeds to kick his ass, cause there’s no man alive who’ll ever beat Pearl Parker at Mario Kart.
After, he throws an arm around her, fingers stroking along the soft skin of her neck. She shivers, spidey-sense going haywire like it sometimes does around him. “Hey, Pete-” She shoves him away and frowns, and he holds his hands up. “Sorry, sorry, pretty girl. Pearl. What movie do you wanna watch?”
“Pacific Rim.” She runs a hand down the curve of her hips, grateful for Asgardian technology. She can look in the mirror and see who she really is now.
It’s the only time she ever liked Loki, when the incantation was done and Pearl raised trembling hands to her newly smooth face. Thor had clapped her heavily on the shoulder and exclaimed, “You are as lovely a woman as any I’ve seen, my friend. Now come, let us return to the new city of York!”
She grins and gets up to put in the movie, the memory making her happy enough that she ignores Deadpool checking out her ass. “I’m gonna change during the previews,” she tells him, heading for her room.
“Those are the best part!” he calls after her, then there’s incoherence about peep shows. She tugs on shorts and a sweatshirt that might actually belong to Wade, cause it’s bloodstained, but then so is most of her stuff. Part of being a superhero, and it took a while to get used to periods.
“I told you not to leave your stuff here.”
“Sorry, baby girl, but my stuff is all up in your business. The fangirls agree. It’s unanimous.” She rolls her eyes and sits near enough to him that their thighs brush. He’s starved for touch, soaks up any hint of it, so maybe she gets over her personal space issues when he’s around.
“If I fall asleep and wake up to you sniffing me or something, I will web you to a wall and leave you there,” she threatens.
“Spidey, baby, I’m a ninja. You wouldn’t even notice if I sniffed you.” She laughs and tosses a pillow at his face.
When she wakes up the credits are rolling and his fingers are in her hair. “You washed your ‘ands, right?” she slurs, curling further up.
“Yeah, Pearlie. No blood on these hands. Well, no actual blood, the gallons of metaphorical blood are best left undiscussed.”
“Mkay.” She smacks her lips and falls back asleep.
He’s gone by daylight, left behind Dorito crumbs and a new bloodstain. She’s used to bloodstains.
He’d popped an eye back in once and told her, “Pearl, baby girl, you’re gonna see a lot of blood in this life. Fair warning, a lot of it’s gonna be from me or because of me or because people like reading about violence in their boring daily lives, but Spidey, you gotta stop puking whenever there’s a gusher.”
She’d stood up, wiped her mouth, and nodded.
She’s fighting would-be rapists when Deadpool appears out of nowhere and shoots them in the knees, six quick clean shots. “Deadpool! What the hell?”
He shrugs, wiping off his gun with a cloth from one of his pouches. “What? They’re not dead. You told me not to kill people as much, and the yellow box agreed, and now the fanboys are rant rant ranting about how lame I’ve gotten,” he whines, and she laughs in spite of herself.
“I’ve got to get out of here. Jameson hates me enough already.”
“Yeah, go, I’ll take the blame. Always willing to maim for a friend.” She blows him a kiss on impulse and webs away.
Wade watches her go and the boxes are ecstatic. He glances down at the men, points a finger. “Stay. I’ll murder you momentarily.” Maybe.
Pearl said no. We listen to Pearl.
Pretty Pearl. A pearl among women.
Yes. No killing today. Let’s get tacos.
Pearl’s asleep when he gets back, she’s always asleep, pretty baby girl with hair in her eyes. You’re staring.
It’s fucking weird. We have our own place, by the way.
“Pearl’s place is better. It has Pearl,” he argues, tap tap tapping his feet and idly checking out her butt.
Our Anaconda wanna.
That was lame even for you.
The boxes start fighting, so he shakes his head until they’re all dizzy and he can change out of the suit in peace, borrow some of her clothes from before and grab one of the sweatshirts he’s started leaving here. He keeps the mask on.
Wouldn’t do to have poor Pearl wake up to our face, the boxes agree.
She could wake up on our face, though.
He nods, and dumps his guns near the door, cause one time he shot Pearl a little and she screamed at him the whole four hours it took her to heal. Also he felt bad. He pulls the blanket up over her shoulders and goes to shower.