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"You look like a cat," Wonwoo says and squishes Junhui's face with both of his hands.
He's laying on his back on Junhui's bed just slightly leaning on the headboard and Junhui's head is propped up on his chin on Wonwoo's abs, the rest of his body half on top of Wonwoo, half between his legs. Both naked.
"Meow," Junhui lets out and immediately observes a wide grin form on Wonwoo's face.
"You sound like one too," he says.
"Meow?"
Wonwoo chuckles, "Stop it."
"Meow, meow?"
"Shit," he bites his lower lip. "It's kinda hot. Come here."
Wonwoo pulls him up by his face and Junhui gives him one last meow before they fall back into kissing languidly. It gets heated quickly and Wonwoo flips them around to kiss his way down Junhui's body. He takes his time and Junhui just can't understand what for because it's not their first time that day. It's not even their second time. He has been prepped and teased enough, Wonwoo could just take him right there. He should. But Wonwoo takes it slow.
Kisses to Junhui's chest, to his shoulder, his arm. Wonwoo plays with his nipples just the way he knows gets Junhui going. It's unbearable. Truly. The way he flicks his tongue around each one of them, again and again, before he grazes just slightly over them with his teeth, always making sure that both of them are taken care of at the same time. Working his finger on one while his mouth takes care of the other.
Junhui is a moaning mess and Wonwoo hasn't even reached his belly button. How cruel. And the kisses move down to his stomach. Wonwoo kisses it as if he's inspecting it for the very first time. As if they don't just do this almost every day. As if he hasn't already memorised every freckle on Junhui's body.
He moves lower and Junhui can feel those strong arms wrap around his thighs. One on each, just snaking around them as his lips travel down Junhui’s leg to his left knee and up again.
"Wonwoo," Junhui calls breathily.
"Hm?"
"Stop teasing or I swear to God, I will strangle you with my thighs."
Wonwoo chuckles, his warm breath hitting Junhui's cock right in front of him. "I'm okay with that," Wonwoo says with another kiss to the inside of his open legs. "It's actually how I planned to die anyway."
Junhui scoffs, "You're full of shit."
"What better way to ascend to heaven than by the brute force of your gorgeous thighs?"
"You think you're going to heaven?" Junhui teases
"I have to," Wonwoo says with playful seriousness.
"Why?"
"Because I was a good boy and because I would miss you in hell," he explains.
"What makes you think I'm going to heaven?" Junhui giggles.
"Oh, I'm sure they're just waiting for you to get back home, angel."
Junhui snorts and Wonwoo wiggles his eyebrows at him, "You're unbelievable."
"Hey, it used to work on you," Wonwoo argues jokingly.
It still does, Junhui thinks. But he's not going to tell him that. He can't. And frankly, he doesn't get to overthink it anyway because Wonwoo shifts a little lower and pushes his tongue past Junhui's rim. One of Junhui's hands clutches around the bedsheets while the other grabs a handful of Wonwoo's hair. It's all he can do to hold himself steady and not writhe too much while Wonwoo makes sure he's perfectly wrecked. And good Lord, that he is. He’s always the happiest with Wonwoo's head between his thighs.
☾☾☾
Shopping with Minghao is tiring. Any kind of shopping is tiring for Junhui but Minghao takes it to the next level. He has to touch every fabric, hold colours against each other, try on the same pants with an array of different shirts. Junhui thought one tries on a piece of clothing to see if it fits. Apparently he was wrong.
"It looks different," Minghao is determined to teach him how certain lines and patterns and lengths change one as a man. Junhui nods, he doesn't understand. Quite frankly, he doesn't care. He tries on jeans and they fit and they make his body look as good as always. He buys them and Minghao shakes his head.
"It's easier to dress a body like yours," he tells him and from the sound of it, Junhui feels like he should be offended.
"What does that mean?"
"Let's just say when it comes to proportions," Minghao leans an arm on the counter while the cashier wraps his garments in expensive-looking shopping bags. "Consider yourself a lottery winner."
The phone in Junhui's pocket buzzes. A message, Call me when you can.
"Your boyfriend?" Minghao's eyebrows raise impossibly high.
"Wonwoo."
"Your boyfriend," he deadpans. Junhui knows if Minghao knew how it made him feel, he wouldn't joke about it. If he could feel the mocking stab followed by the dagger inside his heart being turned, Junhui knows he would never speak of it again.
But they're fine. So they seem. So they say. With everyone else around and even when it's just the two of them, Wonwoo and Junhui are fine. But they're not boyfriends.
"We're not boyfriends," he informs for the thousandth time.
"How many times have you seen him this week?"
"Just three."
"How many of those have you slept with him?"
"Every."
"It's Thursday," Minghao takes his shopping bags and walks in front of Junhui with a small nod towards the door. Junhui should follow.
"You do realise you've been doing this longer than you've actually been in a relationship?"
Minghao flicks his sunglasses on and lets them slide down his nose until they stand on the very tip completely failing their purpose. Everything is a fashion statement with him. And Junhui knows. He has realised, thank you very much.
"So what?" He sounds exhausted. "It's what works for us."
"Does it?"
"We get along better like this."
"But don't you want more?"
"With Wonwoo?"
"With anyone?"
"I haven't thought about it much." And that's straight out a lie. He has thought about it. He thinks about it every day. Every night when he lies next to Wonwoo, he wonders why it can't be more and how it doesn't work when it's more. It doesn't work like this either, not in his heart. But it works in reality and that's what counts, right?
They get along. They don't fight anymore. They still have the benefits of it all. They still use sweet nicknames and say nice things. Wonwoo still smells and tastes and talks and kisses and fucks the same.
The things he doesn't get to do anymore weigh less. Junhui doesn't get to kiss him at a cafe at 4 PM. He doesn't get to ask Wonwoo where he goes on the nights they spend apart. He doesn't get to say I love you . He doesn't get to hear it either. But the benefits outweigh, he tells himself.
At least they still get to hold hands sometimes.
"But so you get to go out with other people?" Minghao pokes further. Junhui wishes he would stop.
"I barely have time to go out with you," is followed by a heavy sigh.
"But if someone else asked you out on a date, that would be okay?"
"I guess," Junhui says not because that's how he feels. He's never thought about going out with anyone who isn't Wonwoo. Not in the last 5 years. He says it because that's what it's supposed to be. If it's just sex, they should allow each other to fall in love with other people, right? "But no one's asking me so it's all the same," he adds.
"That's not entirely true, my friend," Minghao has one of those shit-eating grins plastered across his face. Junhui wouldn't say he hates them but he cannot quite place them. They rarely mean something good. Not for him.
"What?"
"Do you remember Mingyu? The guy from my painting class? The tall one?"
"The one from the cafe?" Junhui inquires for clarification purposes.
"Yes, him," Minghao exclaims excitedly. About a month ago, when Junhui had dinner plans with Minghao, they arranged to meet at this one cafe near his house. When Junhui arrived, Minghao had been there with an admittedly handsome, tall man. He introduced him as Mingyu and Junhui sat with them for another twenty minutes or so until Mingyu bade goodbye and they moved on to the restaurant. If he's honest, he didn't think he would have to remember the tall man from the cafe. Minghao's relationship with him seemed circumstantial. Barely a friendship, definitely not intimate.
"What about him?" Junhui is curious.
"Well," the grin appears again. "He's asked me if you're single."
"Me?" Junhui screeches in disbelief.
"Yes, you."
"I've barely even talked to him."
"Well, whatever you did, it sufficed," Minghao shrugs but he smiles and giggles as if there's more amusement to the story than Junhui can see at the time.
"I didn't do anything," Junhui argues. He contemplates but no matter how much he tries to focus on it, he cannot remember talking to Mingyu at all. Not much anyway. "What did you tell him?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know what you told him?"
"No, I told him that I don't know if you are single," Minghao clarifies.
"But you do know..."
"I really don't," he argues. "This Wonwoo thing... I never thought it was really over, so I don't know."
"It is over," Junhui's voice is quiet. The three words almost completely covered by the noise of a passing car.
"I'll let him know then," Minghao grins again. "If you're okay with it, of course."
"Sure." But he doesn't know if he's okay with it. Junhui doesn't see himself with a Mingyu or any other tall, handsome stranger for that matter. The face he imagined next to himself he knew very well. But does he always imagine Wonwoo just because he doesn't know better? Or because you can't ask someone to give you your heart back with their dick still inside you?
"Can I give him your number?"
"Yeah, whatever," Junhui waves him off with the hand that is not holding the shopping bag with his new pair of jeans in it.
Minghao scoffs, "I'll leave out the part where you enthusiastically jumped up in the air and clapped your hands in excitement at the thought of seeing him."
And Junhui rolls his eyes at the sarcastic comment. He doesn't need Minghao's sarcasm right now. He has a whirlwind to calm inside of him. The thought of letting Wonwoo know that he's potentially going on a date. With another man.
☾☾☾
Just a week before they officially broke up, Wonwoo told him that he was the most beautiful man in the world and how lucky he was to have him.
Just a week.
Seven days between I'm the luckiest man in the world, Junnie and I think we should break up.
And relationships are funny like this. You have to work so hard on everything together. You fight together. You build together. You love together. But one person is enough to swing the sledgehammer and break it all apart.
You don't say no to a break-up. You don't force anyone to love you back by loving them harder.
Two weeks later, Wonwoo came to pick up his stuff and they slept together. Junhui thought it was normal for exes to have a post-break-up slip-up. Because before you fall apart, you don't actually know that your last time is your last time. So, it makes sense. Do it once again, for closure.
But it doesn't happen once. Wonwoo's things never leave Junhui's apartment. And they still fuck all the time almost two years later.
☾☾☾
Junhui's body feels like rice pudding. That's the best way he could describe it. With Wonwoo underneath him, inside of him, Wonwoo's thumbs on his nipples and the rest of his fingers grabbing onto Junhui's sides, poking almost uncomfortably into his ribs. But they're holding him steady just the way Wonwoo's propped up legs are behind him. Junhui leans back a little. He is way past the point where he could keep himself up on his own. Even further past the point where he could bounce up and down by the strength of his own limbs.
But Wonwoo fucks into him and Junhui is a moaning puddle of lust. He can barely keep his eyes open from overstimulation but whenever he looks down at the man underneath him, he gets aroused just that little more. Wonwoo's eyes are on his face all throughout. His tongue darting out, his fingers continuously massaging Junhui's nipples, his hips relentlessly fucking up into Junhui's hole. It's obvious that Wonwoo works out. His stamina is beyond anything Junhui has ever seen before.
And suddenly, he stops. His dick still inside of Junhui, Wonwoo comes up to wrap his arms around the other man. He takes Junhui into a tight hug and stretches his legs on the bed underneath them.
Wonwoo pulls him in for a kiss. It's painfully sensual. Not the way you kiss someone to get off. His lips find their way to Junhui's neck where he leaves just a couple of small pecks and then lingers there. Just breathing him in. And Junhui whimpers. He whimpers because there's a hard cock inside his ass and his own erection is trapped between both of their stomachs receiving just that small amount of friction to drive him insane but not make him come just yet.
He's also whimpering because he knows Wonwoo is not doing this because he needs a break. He's not holding him because he got tired, no. Junhui knows that Wonwoo gets like that sometimes. He stops whatever he's doing just to hold him and breathe him in like that. Not just in bed and he doesn't dare to ask himself if it means anything. Even if it does, what does it change? They had enough time to get back together. They didn't.
"Fuck, Junnie," Wonwoo breathes into the crease of his neck. "You're so beautiful... I'm losing my mind over how beautiful you are."
And Junhui whimpers again. He jerks his hips forward urging Wonwoo to stop but also to continue, "Please, Wonwoo."
And Wonwoo looks up again. He takes Junhui's head into both of his hands and locks eyes. It's unbearable to have to try to read your ex’s gaze with his cock deep inside of you.
"I'm sorry," Wonwoo whispers. He kisses his lips again. Just once, slowly, softly. "Look at you, you must be so sensitive right now."
Junhui bites his lower lip, he nods and it's enough to make Wonwoo lie down on his back again, prop up his legs and dig his heels into the mattress to be able to steadily and mercilessly fuck up into Junhui again, "Let's finish you off."
And that he does. Junhui collapses on top of Wonwoo soon after that. His cock releasing all over Wonwoo's torso, his ass filled with the other man's come and it's just as good as it always is. The parts that are good, anyway.
When Wonwoo gets up later to get a wet towel to clean them up, taking good care to be gentle with Junhui's overused hole, Junhui knows that the sex is not the problem here. It's not ideal, of course. It's not something he would recommend if you're trying to get over the person you're fucking.
But that's not what gets him. It's this. It's Wonwoo cleaning him up and turning him around like a porcelain doll. All of it with a gentle smile on his face. It's the way Wonwoo lays down afterwards and wraps his arms around Junhui from behind. The way he plants a small kiss to the back of Junhui's neck then presses his nose against it. It's the way this feels right that breaks Junhui's heart every time they sleep with each other.
How is he supposed to suggest they date other people?
He doesn't even want to date anyone else but he can't get Minghao's voice out of his head. If it's just sex like they claim it is, like Wonwoo has decided it is, they should be allowed to see other people. They should be allowed to build a life with someone else because sex doesn't cover the chill that Junhui feels whenever Wonwoo leaves. It doesn't cover the fact that he can't ask him when he'll be back because technically, Wonwoo doesn't live there anymore. It doesn't cover for all the evenings Junhui eats alone when Wonwoo works late and then goes to his own home. It doesn't cover for the nights he cries himself to sleep when Wonwoo doesn't stay there but Junhui’s bedsheets still smell like him. It doesn't quite cover all of it. It barely covers the surface.
But all of it seems far away with Wonwoo's arms around him and Wonwoo's heartbeat pressed against his back. Perhaps it's not that bad.
Junhui doesn't expect to reach another breaking point just half an hour later when Wonwoo gets up to go to the bathroom.
"We're almost out of toothpaste?" He calls and it's enough to pierce a whole new dagger right through Junhui's heart.
We.
"I got asked on a date," Junhui says with his legs hanging to the side of his bed, naked, eyes fixed on the open bathroom door.
There's silence and for a minute there, he's not quite sure if Wonwoo's heard him. He hears the familiar sound of brushing teeth so he decides to wait. He contemplates even repeating what he just said.
"Someone I know?" Wonwoo says when he comes out again. He looks indifferent and Junhui catches himself wishing that Wonwoo had to take the time brushing his teeth to collect himself. He doesn't want conflict but the casual tone of their conversation hurts more.
"No," he answers with a small voice. "Minghao's friend. I met him once when they were having coffee together and he asked for my number. His name is Mingyu. He seems nice."
"Are you going?"
"I don't know."
Junhui wants to ask Wonwoo's opinion. What does he think? Would he be okay with it?
"Okay," Wonwoo says dryly. "I'm pretty tired. Is it okay if I go to sleep?"
"Sure," Junhui gets up from the bed. "I gotta take a quick shower."
Wonwoo nods. They stand in front of each other for a split minute. Junhui naked, exposed. Wonwoo in his boxers, stern as ever, "Good night then."
"Good night," Junhui says back and tries not to read anything into the fact that Wonwoo doesn't kiss him as he usually does before he climbs back into bed.
☾☾☾
Sometimes he hates Minghao for his proactivity. In his defense, Junhui did tell him that he would be up for meeting Mingyu after the incident with Wonwoo just a couple of nights ago. He did get a message from Mingyu initiating small-talk and asking him to grab a drink together sometime. Junhui did say yes.
Regardless of all of this, he wasn't quite prepared when Minghao suddenly showed up with Mingyu at the club when it was supposed to be just them and their small group of friends. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal. Probably. It shouldn't be a big deal like this either but Wonwoo is there too and it certainly feels wrong. And Junhui really has to do the most not to beat himself up about it.
They broke up. They broke up so long ago this shouldn't sting. He shouldn't have to wonder if he can talk to this insanely attractive man at the club. He shouldn't have to worry about Mingyu potentially flirting with him in front of Wonwoo. Not only is he technically single, but he has also talked to Wonwoo about this. He has told him that he got asked out and Wonwoo didn't seem bothered at all.
Everything is fine. Technically. In his messed up facade of a reality, there is nothing to worry about. So, he greets Mingyu with a shy hello and a straw between his teeth. He giggles and tries not to look around too much scared to accidentally lock eyes with Wonwoo and have him read him like the open book Junhui always has been to him. He dances too. He dances with Soonyoung and with Minghao and with Chan. He dances sandwiched between Seungkwan and Seokmin and their theatrical antics.
It's later in the evening and he dances with Mingyu. It's nothing sensual. Nothing alluding to any other activities in any way, shape or form. They just dance in front of each other, occasionally leaning in to say something into the other's ear out of sheer necessity due to the loud music. Mingyu is nice and polite and very obviously interested in him. He's tall and good-looking and easy to talk to and Junhui dances.
Junhui dances happily and innocently until he feels a hand on his hip followed by a familiar body pressing into his side from the back followed by the scent that sends shivers down his spine and Wonwoo's deep voice near his ear, "Come to the bathroom with me?"
It's a question and yet it isn't. It's a question that Junhui knows is expected to be answered with yes. Because this is what they do more often than not when they go out with everyone. Sooner or later clubbing makes you horny and they use each other's bodies to let the tension out in between. This is not unusual for them. It's quite the opposite.
They could make out on the dance floor. All of their friends know what's going on between them. And certainly, there have been times where the alcohol levels in both bodies were just way too high to give a single fuck about other people's opinions and where they would kiss and hug and hold onto each other in a way that would make their friends urge them to "get a room" and what not.
But usually, they go to the bathroom or somewhere outside and make out a little just to get the edge off. There shouldn't be any reason for him to believe that today is any different apart from the fact that this is the first time that Junhui is dancing with someone who is very clearly into him. Someone who is not Wonwoo.
And yet, he has to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps Wonwoo really just didn't realise that this was the guy Junhui told him about. That this guy asked him out and that Junhui said yes and that the only reason why he's stalling fixing an actual date is the fact that he's still sleeping with his ex. Perhaps Wonwoo just doesn't know.
"I'll be right back," he tells Mingyu as he lets himself be led off the dance floor and towards the bathroom where Wonwoo doesn't lose any time to push him into a stall, close the door and pin him against a wall. It's just too familiar to shove him off right away, Junhui tells himself.
He lets Wonwoo kiss him for a while. He lets Wonwoo's tongue past his lips and into his mouth. He lets hands roam freely around his upper body and a crotch be pressed against his own. He lets out moans and whimpers until Wonwoo's lips move away from his mouth and find his ear, "I want you... let's go home."
Junhui giggles because Wonwoo's lips ghost against the sensitive skin of his neck before they sink right into it and briefly make him forget where they are.
"Did you not see that I was dancing with Mingyu?" He says way too casually. He would be impressed with himself if he didn't know that he was shakily holding his fourth cocktail in his hand.
"Mingyu?" Wonwoo breathes out, barely lifting his head away from Junhui's neck. Slowly moving down to his collarbones. "Sounds familiar..."
And Junhui notices the drop he feels somewhere just below his sternum. He reminds himself that Wonwoo is probably just as tipsy as he is, so what if he forgot the name of the first guy Junhui ever hinted on potentially being willing to date in all the years they'd known each other - pre and post-break-up?
"He asked me on a date, remember?"
Wonwoo doesn't lift his head but just continues sucking, licking and kissing every bit of exposed skin on Junhui's neck and chest that he can reach, "Ah, that's him?"
"That's him."
Junhui's breath gets caught in his throat when Wonwoo's face moves up again to stop right in front of his own. He presses their foreheads together. Gentle but assertive while he breathes out for Junhui to breathe in. And then there are two hands on each side of Junhui's face. Thumbs grazing his cheekbones and the softest kiss pressing against his lips. Another breath and "Junnie," said in a deep, strained voice.
And Junhui finds himself nodding, "Okay," he says. "Home."
There are three signs that make him realise that things are not working out anymore. That they weren't working the way he thought they were probably ever. The first one is that Wonwoo doesn't call a taxi. Instead, he takes Junhui's hand and guides him to his car. He opens the door to the passenger seat for Junhui before he walks around the car and gets behind the wheel.
"Should you be driving?"
Wonwoo exhales a laugh, "I didn't drink tonight."
"Nothing?"
"A Red Bull and two Colas, officer, I promise," he grins as he pulls out of the parking lot and Junhui feels himself frown.
Wonwoo is completely sober.
The second sign that things are not working out is the urgency of it all. Wonwoo knows Junhui's apartment. It used to be their apartment. He'd lived there for more than two whole years. He knows that the bedroom is just two steps to the left of the hallway and yet he presses Junhui against the wall right next to the front door and starts kissing him as if Junhui is slipping away. As if they had to do it right now or something gruesome and tragic and irreversible would happen.
It feels wrong like it has never felt before with Wonwoo. The only reason why Junhui doesn't ask him to stop is that he is Wonwoo and how wrong can it be? It's them but it feels like the clock on them is ticking and not just in the way that a haunting doomsday of sorts seems to hang in the air.
He knows Wonwoo can feel it too. It's probably why he seems so desperate to unzip Junhui's pants and push them down to his knees with his underwear. It's why he makes quick work on himself just the same. It's why he takes both of their cocks in his hand and strokes in a manner that he knows will make them both come as quickly as possible. No teasing. No foreplay. No prolonging of anything. It's clear they're rubbing dicks way past their expiration date.
The third sign is that he only briefly leans his head on Junhui's shoulder when they both finish all over his hand and then he just steps away, panting.
Wonwoo lets go of Junhui. Of them. He takes off his ruined shirt and cleans the sticky substance off of his hand. Junhui watches him as he pulls up his pants and reaches to the clothing rack of fresh drying laundry that Junhui put there earlier in the day. He puts on one of Junhui's shirts and he almost looks all put together again.
Almost only because his breath is still heavy and his eyes can't quite find a spot to fixate on. Instead, Wonwoo's gaze roams around the hallway as he walks backwards until he finds his back pressed against the wall opposite of Junhui. There is only about one and a half meter of empty space separating them, yet it feels like a giant brick wall had just built up out of nowhere. For the first time probably ever, Junhui feels separated from Wonwoo. For real.
He pulls up his own pants and zips them up. Wonwoo's eyes settle on a spot near Junhui's feet. They both pant. They shouldn't be this much out of breath but at least for Junhui, it's not just about the cock handshake they just exchanged. It's not just the orgasm. He feels exhausted. He feels like he needs a long-overdue break. A real one.
"I'm going out with Mingyu," he says.
Wonwoo audibly breathes out, "Okay."
"That's all?" Junhui tilts his head.
"Hm?"
Wonwoo raises his point of view higher but not quite anywhere near Junhui's face yet.
"After all these years... all you have to say is okay ?" It's not really a conversation he wants to have but the words come out anyway.
Wonwoo lifts a hand to his ear just to drop it to his side again, "You deserve to be happy. You deserve to find-" He stops. He looks for words. Other words than he wanted to say. Junhui just knows.
"Find what?" He urges.
Wonwoo takes a breath, "Find the right one, I guess."
"I only ever wanted you."
It's a confession that comes way too late. Junhui knows this too. He knows he's not going to get an answer out of Wonwoo. He was never good at that and Junhui doesn't know what exactly he's trying to salvage anyway.
"Are you not gonna say anything?"
Wonwoo presses his lips together and breathes out before he finally looks at him.
"I can't believe you," Junhui shakes his head.
Wonwoo's voice is small when he speaks, "We tried."
And just like that, something inside of Junhui snaps, "No, Wonwoo. I tried . I tried so hard to be understanding and to be there and to make sure you know you can always come back but I'm tired. I'm so tired. One of us has to end this... pathetic circus show of a relationship and since you won't, I guess I will have to do it. I can't do this anymore, Wonwoo." He rubs his fingers on his forehead before he continues. "It hurts. It hurts too much. This... This was the last time... for real."
Wonwoo just stares at him. If he feels any sadness or regret, he doesn't show it. His face is stern. Expressionless as ever and Junhui can only let out one last sigh, "I'm going out with Mingyu and I want you out of the picture.”
He looks at him for a little longer. Maybe he's waiting for Wonwoo to still say something. To try and stop him. To show any kind of emotion.
But Wonwoo nods, "Okay," he points a finger to himself. "Your shirt..."
"Keep it," Junhui has to talk fast because there is a knot in his throat, sharp pain in his temples and pressure under his nose bridge just between his eyes. "I'll ask Soonyoung to pick up your stuff and bring it to you."
Wonwoo nods again. Quick small nods. He has the decency to look him in the eyes again, "Well... then..."
"Goodbye, Wonwoo," Junhui says and he knows too well it's the last thing he can say. It's the last bit of words his state is going to allow him before he breaks.
And Wonwoo leaves. The door closes and Junhui positively crashes.
☾☾☾
When Wonwoo opens his eyes, it's dark outside. Was it already dark when he fell asleep? He can't remember. But it's the middle of the night now and he can tell by the blackness of the sky illuminated by a couple of sparkling dots humans like to call the stars and the moon, beautiful and bright as ever. It's not quite a full moon but almost.
The other day Wonwoo read that scientists have found rust on the surface of the moon. Immediately, he thought to himself that it can't be. To have rust, you ought to have oxygen and it's one thing that the moon is famously lacking. So, it sparked his interest, of course. Such topics always do.
It turned out that only the side facing the Earth has begun to slowly rust. Once a month, the moon enters the Earth's magnetic tail which causes oxygen to escape our planet's upper atmosphere and be blown to the surface of the moon with the help of solar wind. It causes the lunar surface iron to oxidise and thus, rust over billions of years.
In short, the Earth is making the moon rust. It's not visible. It's not fast but it's happening. Slowly.
But the moon doesn't need the Earth. Without it, it would still glow brightly when illuminated by the sun. It would still be as beautiful as ever. It's the Earth that needs the moon in order to function as we know it.
Life as we know it on our planet is heavily influenced by the moon. Not just the tides and the nights and the seasons and the length of a day but there are some species and organisms on Earth that are guided by the moon. Led to live their full circle of life.
Without the moon, the Earth cannot function properly. Not as we know it at least. The moon gives rhythm to our days and makes our home more liveable. And yet, the Earth is causing it to rust.
Not now. Not in the short and fleeting lifetime of a human being but one day, it would cause its perfect, glowing surface to decompose.
Wouldn't it be the best for the Earth to just leave the moon alone? That would be the less selfish thing to do. And yet, it needs the moon to breathe properly. To a certain extent, it needs the moon for its own survival. And the moon has so selflessly given itself to the Earth, rotating around it for billions of years. Just giving. Always. And getting nothing but rust in return.
Yes, Wonwoo thinks, if the Earth loved the moon, it would let it go. Like he did with Junhui, even though it's making it hard for him to breathe. How much harder would it feel to watch Junhui decompose on his side? Because of him?
No, it's better like this.
He turns around in his bed. He doesn't want to face the window anymore. Has it been another week? He'd have to call in at work in the morning once again to let them know that it's not gotten better. That he would work from home for a little longer. He's not quite ready to face the world outside of his bed completely on his own just yet. Maybe next week. Who knows?
☾☾☾
The first time Wonwoo leaves his apartment to go anywhere other than the convenience store across the street is to meet up for lunch with Soonyoung.
"You've lost weight," Soonyoung remarks between mouthfuls while he watches Wonwoo poke around in the food on his plate.
"No, I've lost muscle," Wonwoo simply replies. "I didn't do much in the past couple of weeks."
"Yeah, we haven't seen you at all..."
An awkward silence settles between them. The kind of silence that can only form between two friends when they're both dancing around the obvious.
"I'm fine," Wonwoo says as if he answers a question Soonyoung didn't dare to ask. "Really, it's okay," he adds.
"Okay," Soonyoung lets out reluctantly. He seems to probe whether he can say something else and Wonwoo shoots him an assuring smile. Small it may be, it seems to encourage Soonyoung to talk, "Well, I have your stuff."
"My stuff?"
"Uh, yeah," Soonyoung stops again and Wonwoo knows the next word that is about to come out of his mouth just by the shape of his lips and the softness that appears on his friend's face usually before he says it, "Junnie-"
"Ah," Wonwoo cuts him off immediately. "Yeah, uh... I'll stop by and get it one of these days. Thank you."
Soonyoung waves him off as if to say no big deal but he eyes him curiously just the same, "Have you talked to him at all?"
"No," Wonwoo shakes his head. "Not since..."
"It's been... what? Three weeks?"
"Something like that, yeah," Wonwoo says because saying 22 days and roughly 13 hours would sound more pathetic. More desperate. And he can't do that anymore. He's been desperate and pathetic for long enough.
"He's doing well." This time, it's Soonyoung who answers a question that has not been asked.
"I'm glad."
"But you should know-"
"That he's dating someone?" Wonwoo cuts him off and watches as Soonyoung's mouth opens comically slowly.
"Um, yeah... this guy-"
"Mingyu?"
"Yes," Soonyoung answers with furrowed eyebrows and Wonwoo nods.
"So, that worked out," he says. "Good."
"Wonwoo," Soonyoung starts and he knows what he wants to say but Wonwoo won't let him. Wonwoo won't let him pity him or try to console him because he is not a victim here. He chose this.
"Are they happy?" He throws in instead.
"Uh," Soonyoung looks taken aback. "Yeah, I mean... they don't look unhappy, I don't know. I think they're fine."
"Good."
"But it doesn't seem right."
"What?"
"Someone else on Junnie's side-"
"Soon, please."
"I'm sorry but that's how I feel."
Wonwoo doesn't look at Soonyoung when he lifts his glass to take a sip of water.
"Trust me," he says slowly after a somewhat longer pause. "It's better like this."
"For whom?" Soonyoung scoffs. "For you?"
And Wonwoo doesn't give an answer. He smiles a smile that his friend should know not to question any further. And sure enough, Soonyoung changes the topic. Jihoon has bought a pet hamster. He shows him pictures but Wonwoo doesn't really pay attention.
☾☾☾
The months pass and Wonwoo starts to feel colder by the day. He was always the type to freeze quickly but this is something different. He sleeps with a second blanket over his comforter these days and folds his body into the smallest version of himself to try and keep what little warmth he has in his very own little shell of winter.
But the winter is just inside of him. It's the end of May. It shouldn't be like this. He knows it's not like this for anyone else. Wonwoo's coldness has nothing to do with the weather. It starts with his hands. It always starts with his hands.
The tips of his fingers signal the arrival of another wave. It crawls its way up to his arms. It fights against the constant, stubborn pump of warmth through his veins from his heart. But his heart beats differently these days. It's as if he had some sort of support apparatus attached to it at some point and now it malfunctioned or stopped working altogether and it doesn't spread the warmth as evenly and as effortlessly as it should.
It's up to him now to keep himself warm. As long as he moves, he could beat it but even just moving sounds too big of a challenge. How did he do anything in the past? He can't recall with the frigid cold creeping under his skin and spreading across every inch of his body. He can't recall how he moved before it all.
☾☾☾
On June 10th, Wonwoo sends him a text:
I contemplated a lot about whether I should write to you or not. On one hand, you did ask me to stay out of the picture. On the other hand, this is really not about us. This is not me trying to squeeze myself back into your life or anything but... it's your birthday. And you just had to know I would remember your birthday. How could I forget?
Maybe I'm selfish again for allowing myself to take this chance to tell you that I genuinely hope that you're happy. Not just on your birthday but in general. I don't think there's anyone who would deserve it more.
I'm honestly sorry if I am overstepping with this text but I don't expect an answer or anything. I just really wanted to wish you a happy birthday. That's all. No secret agenda. No other selfish intentions. You made the right call when you asked me to stay away. I respect that.
But you would have known that I'd think of you today, so what difference does it make if I tell you about it?
Happy Birthday, Junnie
Of course, he doesn't get a text back. But that's okay, he didn't expect it.
☾☾☾
He doesn't get to dwell on it too long because only five days later it's Soonyoung's birthday. They used to celebrate it together - Junhui and Soonyoung - but this year they don't. Wonwoo didn't think he had the right to ask why, not even with Soonyoung as his oldest friend. He didn't even dare to ask who's invited. He was ordered to show up because nobody had seen him in a while.
So, there he is clumsily stirring the ice cubes in his gin & tonic in the ginormous kitchen of Jeonghan's huge ass house. He lets Soonyoung throw a party here and Wonwoo wonders when they had gotten that close. He really wasn't around much the last couple of months.
And it's ironic how it has been months but every single person still asks him about Junhui. It's probably not that weird after all. He knew Soonyoung and Jihoon and Seungcheol before he met Junhui and that's that. Everyone else met them as a couple. For years and years and even when they weren't a couple anymore, they were an item. Until they weren't and now it seems as if it doesn't make sense that Wonwoo is a person of his own. An individual, whatever that means.
If he's perfectly honest, it doesn't make sense to him either. Bottom line is, everyone asks questions and pokes around in the deepest wound Wonwoo had ever suffered. After all, the wound was an inside job. How deep do you have to let someone in to hurt this much?
He thinks it's cruel how it feels like someone died because you don't get to see them anymore. But it's crueller than that even because they are still there. Somewhere, invisible for your eyes only. It's crueller for them even because they share all of their friends. All of the people who could help grieve, Wonwoo doesn't dare to ask. What if they picked sides? Not even he would pick himself.
There is a small table at the end of the corridor on the second floor. One chair, magazines and flowers and it calls out to Wonwoo. To sit a little on his own. Away from the noise and the people that he's not quite used to anymore. He reads everything that is even mildly interesting until he has fully exhausted the contents of the magazines and reached the bottom of his only drink of the night.
He gets up, ready to leave. It's been a couple of hours and he could lie a couple more on top of it. He's sure Soonyoung won't even realise and if he does, he'll understand. He takes his glass and turns around and at the other end of the corridor, there's Junhui.
He's barely a shadow. A silhouette but Wonwoo would recognise him by a strand of his hair. He moves a little closer until he steps under the lights on the ceiling and Wonwoo's heart climbs into his throat.
He wondered if he'd be there. He was prepared to see him in a room full of people and use the others to distract himself from the facts. He was prepared for small-talk even. He was prepared for another man attached to his hand. But not for this. A dimly lit corridor and just them.
It's all it takes to look into Junhui's eyes. They never really needed words. Neither of them was good with them anyway. If neither of them could hear or speak, Wonwoo would love him just the same.
And he reads him like his favourite book. He can feel his steps before Junhui even approaches. His scent. The energy of his body moving closer to Wonwoo until they're right in front of each other. Eye to eye. Same height. Same age. Same place. Same time. But entire worlds apart.
The sight of Junhui's face up close has never failed to take his breath away and so now, too, Wonwoo shakily inhales. He opens his mouth with no intention of letting out words and he wouldn't have been able to even if he tried. Because Junhui's hand burns a sun into his shoulder and he falls back against the wall. Junhui right in front of him with his other hand on the side of Wonwoo's face.
And a kiss that doesn't feel like anything he's ever felt before. It feels like the only real thing in the world. It's nothing sexual. Nothing sensual. Just yearning and two breaths of relief. Wonwoo closes his eyes not because he doesn't want to see him but because his insides start to burn the ice. It hurts to let the spring in all at once.
Four seconds of being unbroken.
He wonders if he had had the strength to lift up his hands and put them on Junhui's sides, would he have been able to hold him? Would he have still been there when Wonwoo opened his eyes? It's not for Wonwoo to know because he keeps them closed for a few moments longer after Junhui's lips leave his. It's all he can do to fight the tears. The physical manifestation of the cold leaving his body.
When he opens them Junhui is gone. Like he had never been there and Wonwoo would have thought he dreamed him if it weren't for the sweet scent lingering in the air.
☾☾☾
Soonyoung and Seokmin want to try out this coffee shop near Wonwoo's apartment. He doesn't have to be at work, so he joins. He's slowly easing back into his normal life. He says yes more often to outings. He goes to work most days of the week. He works out and plays games and eats regular meals. He sleeps. It's as good as it will get.
They reminisce about fun times and his friends tell him about all the crazy that he missed at the party because he left so early.
"I didn't even see when you left," Soonyoung throws in at one point.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't used to it anymore... I got pretty tired," Wonwoo doesn't lie completely but he still feels the need to avert the attention away from himself. "What did I miss?"
"You missed Seokmin making out with Jeonghan's cousin!"
"I didn't know she was his cousin," Seokmin defends.
"You should have seen his face when he found out," Soonyoung screeches in laughter.
"Why? Was Jeonghan angry?"
"Not at all but Seokmin is still scared of him."
"I'm not scared of Jeonghan," Seokmin waves him off with played anger followed by an eye-smile. "I just know they will use this to make fun of me for the rest of my life," he pouts and looks at his cup of hot chocolate. "I can already hear Jeonghan jokingly welcoming me into the family and stuff... and the girl and I really didn't click at all." The last part comes out as a whine.
"Lee Seokmin," Wonwoo pretends to be appalled. "You made out with someone you didn't even like... that's so out of character!"
"And the jokes are already starting," Seokmin rolls his eyes. "I had a lot to drink and she was so pretty... I mean, she's Jeonghan's cousin, I should have known. But afterwards, I think we both realised that we just don't have anything to talk about and that's that..."
"Saucy," Wonwoo mocks one more time and has his chuckle cut off by Soonyoung's next question.
"Hey, have you seen Junnie at the party?"
It really shouldn't catch him off guard as much as it does. It's been months. So many months that it's closer to a year than not and he can't blame his friends for thinking he could ever move on.
"Uh, yeah, I saw him," he lets out clumsily. "We didn't talk or anything..."
"Have you actually dated anyone since you guys broke up?" Seokmin inquires loudly and Wonwoo is only half-relieved that they don't ponder on the nature of his and Junhui's encounter at the party.
"Umm no, not really." He fixes his gaze on a sugar packet and squeezes it between his fingers a couple of times.
"Not really?" Soonyoung scoffs. "More like not at all, he hasn't left the house in months. Unless he gets down and dirty with his postman, Wonwoo probably doesn't even remember how things work down there-"
Wonwoo smacks him across his head with a flat hand. Just hard enough to shut him up but not really hurt him. Of course, Soonyoung screams out all the same.
"Oh no, but you have always been a little shy," Seokmin continues. "Do you want to go out with Seungkwan and me? You can bring Soonyoung... maybe meet someone."
His friend wiggles his eyebrows at him and Wonwoo smiles because Seokmin is adorable and he knows they mean well but the last thing he wants to do is go out and meet new people. He's happy to be out with the friends he has for now. One step at a time.
"I don't think so," he answers still holding onto his genuine smile.
"Ah come on," Seokmin insists. "It's gonna be fun... you know the old see and be seen kinda game, huh?"
And maybe it's the accumulation of things. Everything that piled up over months without any sort of outlet that makes him snap just a little. "Seokmin, I've dated Wen Junhui," Wonwoo says firmly. "I have pretty much seen all there is to see. I've seen all I could ever need."
He can feel the shift in the atmosphere of the room immediately. He didn't intend to make it this obvious. He didn't even tell Soonyoung about how much he still longs for Junhui. The last time they seriously talked about Junhui was when Soonyoung informed him that his ex had broken up with Mingyu a couple of months ago.
Wonwoo didn't ask but he realised there was a part of Soonyoung that thought that Junhui's new guy might have been the reason they broke up. Wonwoo realised he never told anyone that it was him. That he single-handedly decided to push the happiness out of his life because Junhui was made for things Wonwoo didn't think that he could give him.
If it were him now, he would've never done it. Not in a million years would he let go of Junhui if he hadn't been stupid enough to push him away in the past. He couldn't even break up with him when he actually broke up with him. He hates himself for feeding his selfish heart by sleeping with Junhui for two more years after they broke up. Until Junhui had nothing left to give.
Maybe if he had been brave enough to really let him go two years ago, things would be different now. But it took those two years and the couple of months without Junhui for Wonwoo to learn his lesson. To crack his short attention span and see what really mattered and what the real problem was.
The vicious cycle of needing to love yourself to be able to love but needing someone to love you first to realise your worth. Junhui did his part and Wonwoo was never bad at loving Junhui. If loving Junhui was a sport, Wonwoo would be an Olympic athlete and an extremely good one at that. No, that was not the problem. But Wonwoo always had a weak presence and Junhui could outshine the stars. Why did he like him? What was there to love?
He doesn't look up from his cup at all until Seokmin literally bangs a fist on the small table. The clinking of teaspoons on china makes Wonwoo snap out of it and he looks at his friend's enraged face. Or as enraged as Seokmin could look anyway.
"I can't do this anymore," he exclaims and Wonwoo exchanges a look with Soonyoung who seems equally confused at their friend's antics.
"Are you okay?" Soonyoung pats Seokmin's arm.
"No, I'm not," the other shoots back. "I promised Minghao not to tell anyone but look at these fools..."
"Tell what?" Soonyoung and Wonwoo echo each other.
Seokmin purses his lips, furrows his eyebrows and shifts in his seat. He seems as if he's still contemplating whether or not to tell them whatever it is he is supposed to keep to himself.
"You know how Junhui told everyone that he broke up with Mingyu because it just didn't work out?"
Soonyoung nods but Wonwoo doesn't know because nobody talked to him about that. Obviously, Junhui didn't talk to him at all. He nods anyway.
"The truth is that Mingyu broke up with him-"
"What?" Soonyoung exclaims and Wonwoo had almost forgotten how protective Soonyoung was of Junhui. He also realises how great of a friend he was to him over the past couple of months.
Soonyoung loves Junhui and yet he stuck to Wonwoo more than anyone else. He would randomly show up when Wonwoo wouldn't answer his texts and calls. He'd just be there to play games with him or bring him food or entertain him. Wonwoo realises that he probably unintentionally made his friend distance himself from Junhui to an extent he doesn't even understand.
It was always easy for him to see how much Soonyoung absolutely adored Junhui and to understand why. But he stuck with Wonwoo in the end and he didn't judge him even once.
"That obnoxiously tall son of a-" This time it's Seokmin who cuts him off.
"No, listen, he didn't do anything," he explains. "He just grew tired-"
"Of Junhui?" Soonyoung screeches.
"Of accidentally being called Wonwoo one too many times," Seokmin finishes loudly.
"What?"
"What?"
☾☾☾
On the morning of his birthday, he wakes up to a text from Junhui. His heart skips a beat just looking at the notification because it's something that hadn't popped up on his screen in such a long time. Something small that used to give him joy all the time.
heeeey, i guess i will return the favour and wish you a happy birthday.
well, happy birthdaaaay~~
umm also, i realise none of our friends have said anything about a birthday party or so... maybe you just don't have the time but if it's because of me, you really don't have to worry about it!! you should celebrate your birthday and it's really fine to invite everyone, please, enjoy your day with friends and have fun :)))
Wonwoo reads it again and again. It's not a deep text in any way. Junhui has kept things quite sober and unemotional. Just wishing him a nice birthday but it makes Wonwoo smile. It makes him feel warm inside. And it makes him feel like it's okay to text back.
Tonight at 7 PM, my place.
If you want to come.
☾☾☾
"Am I too early?" Junhui curiously looks around Wonwoo's apartment when he lets him in through the front door.
"No, you're actually an hour late," Wonwoo informs.
"Well, no one goes to a party at the time it actually starts."
Wonwoo chuckles, "You're right."
"Only that this is not a party," Junhui squints.
"No, it's not."
"Okay?"
"I'm sorry."
"You should be," Junhui puts a small box on Wonwoo's living room table. "I even got you a present."
"Is this bad?" Wonwoo asks and bites his lower lip.
"It depends what this is," Junhui answers. He doesn't seem angry. Maybe they are okay.
Wonwoo lets out a heavy breath and looks down on his feet. He nods to himself. He has him here. Junhui came despite everything. And maybe that was a gesture. Maybe hope. It doesn't matter what it would be called by common standards but Wonwoo has him here. He has one chance to make things right or to break the progress.
"I miss you," he says.
And Junhui just looks at him. Big-eyed, beautiful, barely two meters away. "I miss you too," he admits.
"You do?"
"Of course, I do," Junhui furrows his eyebrows. "We've known each other for more than 5 years... We didn't separate because we didn't like each other."
"Right," Wonwoo gives. "Right. I'm... I guess, I'm glad to hear it."
"I just..." Junhui starts small. He looks apologetic. "I don't know if I'm ready to be friends just yet."
"Friends," Wonwoo exclaims. "Friends was not quite what I was aiming for if I'm being honest."
"Wonwoo..." Junhui whispers. It sounds broken and exhausted and it doesn't allude to anything good but Junhui came here. Wonwoo chooses to hold onto that.
"Look, Jun, you never asked me why I broke up two years ago..."
Junhui shrugs, "I got it anyway, I think."
"You did?"
"You put me on a pedestal and I couldn't uphold your expectations."
"No."
"No?"
"No, of course not," Wonwoo answers right away. "If anything, I felt quite inadequate."
"Inadequate for what?"
"To be with you."
Junhui snorts, "You're not serious, are you?"
"Being with you for me felt a little like... winning a cruise?"
"What?"
"You kinda just assume it's a scam," Wonwoo explains. "You just wait for the banks to call you and tell you it was not real and you've been scammed out of your money."
"Wonwoo, please?"
"I just never thought I was good enough for you. I thought you would just wake up one day and realise you've been scammed out of years of your life with me."
"That sounds so stupid."
"Well, it was in a way," Wonwoo admits. "Obviously, in my head, it was all less... cruise talk and more fear and panic but it's all the same. I just felt like I was holding you back. And it felt very real."
Junhui sighs. Wonwoo would interpret it as disbelief but he can't really know. He's too nervous with what he wants to say to be able to read every breath of Junhui's like he usually does.
"I don't think like that anymore," he spits out.
"You don't?"
He shakes his head. "No."
Junhui just looks at him again. He seems curious. He waits.
"Lately, I've been thinking that what matters is that I was happy with you. More than happy," Wonwoo pauses. He wants to word things properly. After all, it's always been an issue for him. But maybe raw is better. At least with Junhui, he doesn't have to try and be someone he's not. "I think I made you happy too..."
Junhui gives him small nods. "You did."
"And I took that away from you," Wonwoo adds.
Junhui opens his mouth to say something but Wonwoo raises a hand and smiles. It's okay. He doesn't have to make him feel better about himself. Not now. Not today.
"You know, I felt like I wasn’t enough because I loved you so much more than I loved myself and I don’t think that’s something that will ever change if I'm quite honest," he watches Junhui's face form a grimace of sorts. It's laced with fondness. "I just love you so much, Junnie. But now I think that even if you do grow tired of me someday in the future, I want to spend as many days with you as I can. And if all of them accumulate into you wanting to stay with me, I would feel honoured to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re everything I could ever ask for... actually, you're more."
He breathes out shakily. It starts to feel too much to say those things out loud. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... Instead of pushing you away out of fear that you might want to leave me one day, I’m ready to give you as many of my days as you want to take. I’m ready to give you all of them. And I think if we stack up happy days together, one by one, there can be no regret. I'm happier with you and frankly, I don't want to waste any more days."
Their love was always somewhat impulsive. But all the impulses came at the right time. They were impulsive when they slept with each other for the first time. A rainy day in September, now almost six years ago. Wonwoo knew he wanted Junhui from the moment he laid eyes on him back when they were in university.
He only met him in his very last semester. He remembers the sheer panic of potentially losing sight of him after they graduate. He had heard stories of people growing apart. So, he made sure to let Junhui know how he felt. But of course, he couldn't say the words, so he kissed him right in front of his dorm building just before it started to rain. It was impulsive to spend the night together right away.
It was impulsive of Junhui to tell him that he was falling in love with him but Wonwoo felt the same so maybe it was just the right timing with them. With everything ever. Then real life. Jobs, struggles, apartments, taxes, friends, divorces, funerals. Things build up in five years time.
Wonwoo's break up was impulsive too. One minute he felt like Junhui was just way too good, the next minute he wanted to step out of his way. But of course, he never could. On impulse, they became exes who fucked for another two years.
Even that morning, when Junhui texted him to wish him a happy birthday, he invited him over without thinking it through. Impulse on impulse, they have built a love that people hope for all of their lives. And now too, on impulse both of them take a step forward at the same time to meet mid-way and kiss again.
They kiss with the kind of passion that melts the winter inside of Wonwoo's heart. They kiss away his fears and Junhui's doubts and even all the months they spent apart.
"How could you even think of me growing tired of you?" Junhui lets out in between their lips making up for lost time. It's half a whisper, half a whimper. "I spent my daydreams marrying you when you decided to break up. I thought there was a glitch in the matrix somewhere when you said it that time because in my head it just wasn’t something that was supposed to happen. Ever. It was not something I imagined possible."
"I'm sorry," Wonwoo breathes into the other's mouth.
"I hope you're ready to give me all of those days you keep talking about. I want your weeks and your months and all of your years. I see your days and I raise you both of our lifetimes."
Wonwoo breathes out a laugh right onto Junhui's lips, "Anything you want, angel. You can even have my afterlife once you strangle me with your thighs..."
"Shut up," Junhui laughs. The way they're pressed against each other, Wonwoo can feel the beating of both of their hearts. As if they're trying to outbeat the other.
"So, what's inside my birthday present over there?" Wonwoo nods towards the living room table when they break apart after kissing for a while.
"Just an assortment of your favourite snacks," Junhui says matter-of-factly. "This was a last-minute invitation, I didn't have time-"
"I love it," Wonwoo pecks his lips again and tries to move away to get to the little box on the table.
"What are you doing?"
"I want to open it."
Junhui takes him by the hand and pulls him towards his bedroom, "If you think you're unwrapping that before you are unwrapping me tonight, you're terribly mistaken, Sir."
And Wonwoo laughs, heartily, genuinely. Like he didn't have a reason to laugh in a while, "Gosh, I missed you."
☾☾☾
Wonwoo plants a tender kiss to Junhui's left knee. He follows with his fingers, just faintly grazing the skin.
"I almost forgot how much you like to tease," Junhui groans somewhere above.
"I'm not teasing," Wonwoo argues. "I'm catching up."
"With my knee?"
He chuckles, "With some body parts of yours of which I hold very fond memories."
Junhui props himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Wonwoo before he speaks, "You have fond memories with my knees..."
"I like both of your knees but it's this one in particular that I am fond of," Wonwoo covers Junhui's left knee with the palm of a hand. "Remember how we met?"
"Yeah, you almost killed me."
Wonwoo snorts, "I think that's slightly exaggerated but okay... Anyway, Soonyoung pushed me and I fell on top of you over a table on the third floor in the main building, remember?"
Junhui smiles sheepishly. Wonwoo can tell he remembers. "I cut my knee there on the side of the metal chair..."
"And we spent the next hour with you trying to clean and disinfect it and find band-aids because none of us knew where the nurse's office was. And then we were friends."
They smile at each other for a little while. Wonwoo letting his fingertips draw circles up and down Junhui's legs and Junhui playing with strands of Wonwoo's hair. Dimmed lights, a bed, no clothes. Their own little secret garden.
"What else?" Junhui asks.
"Hmm, well, obviously, I have very fond memories of your thighs," Wonwoo teases a hand to the inside of Junhui's leg. "But then also here," he lets his lips plant a kiss just above Junhui's elbow. "Remember that wasp sting about a year ago? It was so swollen and I kept thinking to myself that it must've hurt so much but you just kept laughing hysterically. You were so cute. The way you would send me pictures of it getting worse and worse. I still have them all."
"You kept pictures of my wasp sting?"
Wonwoo rolls his eyes, "It's not just the wasp sting, your face was in there as well and you were making funny faces. Don't you remember?"
"I take a lot of selfies, I don't remember all of them," Junhui shrugs.
"Well, I remember all the ones you sent to me," Wonwoo says and just lightly brushes Junhui's knuckles with his lips.
Junhui's hand finds his way from his lips to the side of Wonwoo's face and just slightly nudges him to come up closer. When their faces meet at eye-level, he whispers, "And you thought you're not good enough for me." Junhui's eyes sparkle as always but they also shake a little. "No one has ever loved me like that."
Their lips naturally find their way to each other. Like two magnets with opposite poles. They kiss and the world around them melts into nothing of importance. It's slow and soft and deep, a comfort that could never be put into words. Home. Maybe that sums it up the best.
"All of our days, Wonwoo," Junhui whispers holding Wonwoo's face as if it were a delicate flower. "Promise?"
"All of our days," Wonwoo repeats with honey-laced words right next to Junhui's ear.