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It’s only destiny now that Cadogan decided to send Bellamy to watch over her as she looked for the Flame.
If she were to be alone, Clarke could be quietly hiding Madi’s sketches somewhere, or burning it even. She was sure that if someone were to see it, it would be the end of one of the most important people to her.
She wasn’t expecting Bellamy, of all of Cadogan’s men, to be joining her. It had to be a test of some sort, to see if he could be trusted. Of course she would be it. Of course they were waiting for him to waver or kill her once she found the object.
Clarke had little faith in herself to make him change his mind. Despite looking like himself, Bellamy wasn’t the same person anymore. He had this aged and voided look on his face that made her skin crawl whenever he spoke to her. Clarke was afraid that if he were to find out about Madi’s book, she would have to make the most hurtful of choices if he wasn’t going to be on her side this time.
Yes, Bellamy had saved her from death, more than once, and still Clarke couldn’t trust him now, just like she had given up in every non-friendly thought about him when he came back to Earth all those years ago (that seemed weeks). Something was so off about him now, she couldn’t even look at him as he walked next to her.
“You should be with Cadogan, huh, if you don’t want to be doing this.”
“He sent me here.” Bellamy replied, almost at the verge of shouting.
“Oh, I thought you were equals or something.”
“Stop it.”
“Leave me alone.”
“I can’t. I know you’re planning something.”
Clarke turned around to face him, stopping in her tracks. Bellamy looked unfazed as she pulled out her gun and aimed at him.
He didn’t even lift up his hands in surrender, which made her blood boil in anger.
“I’m not. Indeed, the Flame is right under my feet.”
Clarke put down the gun and kneeled in front of him, rummaging the ground trying to find the goddam thing quick, but she was really distracted and too angry to remember where exactly it was.
“What’s this?” Bellamy spoke.
Clarke turned around to see him pulling out Madi’s book from her back, not minding about which limits he may be crossing as he opened it and eyed it before Clarke stood up again to snatch it away from him.
“Give it to me.”
Bellamy was more than a head taller than her, which made it easy for him to keep it away from her, his look weirded out as he tried to figure out what the sketches meant.
“This isn’t yours.” Bellamy commented, rummaging through the pages as she was so annoyed she couldn’t even do something. It looked like a game to him, while she felt her heart bleeding at what may come when he figured out.
Unlucky her, Bellamy was very intelligent.
“I’ll have to show this to Cadogan.”
Fuck.
Clarke pulled out the gun again and stood there, unwavering. She had aimed a gun too many times, and she liked to think she had mastered to keep her head cool. But now, looking at him, the same man who taught her how to use it, she felt rage invading all her body as she placed her finger on the trigger.
“No, you won’t.”
“Why won’t you trust me? I’ve seen the light now. And I’m trying to save everyone here.” Bellamy explained.
Again with trying to reason with her. When he knew she wasn’t going to trust him with this.
“Bullshit.”
“This is how we do better, Clarke. Like Monty wanted.”
“Don’t you dare mentioning him.” Clarke stepped closer, and this time, he backed away. She had provoked a reaction on him.
“You wouldn’t pull that trigger.”
“Oh, really?” Clarke chuckled, feeling tears pooling at her eyes and a tight knot at her guts. “Give it to me, Bellamy, or I will.” She tried to sound threatening, but she ended up sobbing.
“I won’t let anything bad happen to Madi, you have to trust me.”
Clarke advanced, and stopped when Bellamy hid the book in his back from her.
“Don’t make me do this.” She cried now, only to find him crying too as she stopped at his face.
How weren’t them on the same side? What happened? How could she keep going now, without him?
“Madi is my family. I would do anything to keep her safe.”
“Even killing me, your best friend?”
Yeah, best friend. Who betrayed her, after she betrayed him, after he left her behind on earth, after she tried to kill him, and a very large list of things.
They would always come to terms with each other. They needed each other. They were the head and the heart. Why not now? Why wouldn’t he give up on this? Why couldn’t she believe in him?
As those thoughts ran through her mind, she didn’t notice Bellamy stepping closer and throwing her gun away in a quick attempt to save his own life. Seeing him closer, he really looked like he was scared she could actually kill him.
Why would he think such a thing?
Clarke made a use of this moment to plant her knee on her groin and push him down on the ground. She quickly went to grab the book from his hands but was stopped by his elbow on her waist, making her fall head on the ground as he stood again. Again, she went to him and threw her leg at him to make him trip over, but could only destabilize him.
She was so disadvantaged right now, trying to desperately search for her gun as Bellamy hovered over her and pinned her down on the ground, stilling her hands with a hand on her wrist. A wild expression was written over his face.
“I’m trying to save YOU.” He shouted. Not ‘all of you’ added to this sentence.
Just him, trying to save just her.
“This isn’t the way, soldier Blake.” Clarke spat, squirming to get out of this cage. She wasn’t letting him go away with the book.
“How could you know? You have killed thousands already.” Bellamy scowled, tightening his grip.
It was a huge blow. Bellamy had always been the one trying to convince her it wasn’t her fault. He always said he was just as guilty. He himself had had dark times he couldn’t forget.
“Then why don’t you kill me? It would be better for everyone. Why didn’t you use that gun on me? You know they would as soon as I give them what they want. Wouldn’t it be better if I die right now?”
Bellamy was breathing elaborately, apparently thinking too hard in such simple things. If he was seeking for humanity’s welfare, Clarke was the main enemy.
“You need redemption.” Bellamy’s voice wavered, along as his grip as he watched her intently.
“I can’t. I would do everything I did again if I had the chance. I would do anything to save you, but I also would do anything to save Madi from you.”
Clarke took the chance he had given her to move, putting her elbow on his jaw and sending him backwards, as she pinned him down now with all her strength, turning him head to the ground and finally snatching the book away from him.
She didn’t think about it twice: she ripped it to shreds, desperately trying to erase all the information possible as fast as she could before he could react.
When it was enough, Clarke crawled on the ground searching for her gun only to be stopped by Bellamy’s strong grip at her leg, pulling her back and under him again forcefully. Now, Clarke could identify a totally different expression on his face, which she couldn’t place.
“Give up, Bellamy.” She panted.
“I love you, Clarke. If you tell me you do too, I’ll give up.”
Clarke really wasn’t expecting this. But now that she looked at him, panting and still not processing the new information, Clarke realized his pupils were blown wide because of very different reasons than anger and distrust.
Instead of saying what he wanted to hear, Clarke kissed him, dirty and fast as she pulled him down by the collar of his vest. And when she parted from him, she stopped to feel his ragged heartbeat against her chest. He smelled so much like him, coming to think about it, and she couldn’t stop herself from arching her body and rubbing herself against him.
Clarke could feel him inhaling her scent, his lips so close to her neck she felt his breath against her skin. He was having an internal battle with himself right now. How could she tell him she loved him right now? When it was less than right.
Clarke knew she had to hate him. She knew it was wrong to love him, but she couldn’t bring herself to care right now, as she desperately wanted him all over her, making her forget about all that happened before this. It wasn’t helping that he had started to run his fingers close to her breasts, teasing her.
“Bell…” Clarke whined when he suckled at her neck.
“Just tell me, baby.”
“I-I… it’s not right.” She whispered, her breath hitching as he blew cold air to her assaulted neck.
The moment she felt he was parting away from her, maybe for ever this time, Clarke put her legs around his waist to keep him there. It was too much. Everything was too much right now. It was maybe the worst timing ever and she would have denied him if she knew he was still going to be by her side. Right now, Clarke felt like this was their last chance.
If things turned out the other way… if she had pulled the trigger when she had the chance, things would be so different. The story would repeat itself again and she didn’t know how she was going to live after that. Fear crept within her as she imagined him laying on the ground, unmoving, left alone to his inevitable death. Hopefully, he stopped her, and forced her to face her own feelings and needs.
Clarke only noticed she was crying when he drove his thumb to her cheek, looking at her with devotion.
“Don’t think about that.” He whispered, knowing her too much for her own good. “I’m here right now. I’m alive. I’m by your side.”
Clarke chocked on her own cry. Pain had started to consume her as if this moment was an alternate reality, much better than what actually happened.
“I’m so sorry, Bellamy. I don’t deserve this.”
“But you do.” He looked tired of trying to reason with her. How could he love her so easily?
Clarke pulled him down for a desperate kiss, trying to indulge into not speaking anymore, biting his lip and rolling her hips for him to feel her. She needed to have at least a taste of what it might be like if she were able to say she loved him. She hoped she could tell him with the way she was so desperately giving herself to him.
Bellamy moaned against her mouth, returning her kiss vigorously before forcing himself out of her grasp, falling onto his side and looking wrecked.
“What’s so hard? Do you hate me?”
“N-no.” Clarke sat up next to him, still sobbing. “I keep losing everyone I decide to love.”
“It’s not something you decide. You know that, right?”
Clarke sighed, nodding.
“Fuck, Bellamy, I really don’t know how to start. I’ve been in love with you since our day trip.” Clarke babbled, painfully aware that he wasn’t on top of her anymore, waiting for her reply. When he was there, one meter away and looking defeated, she needed him more than anything. “And I always wonder what would have happened if I ran away with you.”
Bellamy looked dumbfounded before letting out a sarcastic laugh. His eyes lit up with that and Clarke wanted to erase the smirk he was giving to her with her own lips.
“There are lot of things that could have been so different by making another choice.” He reflected, looking at her dirty hands on the humid ground. “Why do I feel like we are misplaced?”
Clarke took his hand in hers, crawling slowly back to him. She was waiting for him to stop her, but he didn’t this time: he just watched as she came closer and climbed onto his lap, settling her weight on him.
Clarke kissed him slowly this time, cradling his face and taking her time in savouring him, and counted the seconds he took in giving himself to her, finally. His hands on her waist were burning her now, and he must have felt that, because he peeled her jacket off and lifted her top up from her body in no time.
The cool air made her skin irk and her nipples to harden. Clarke blushed as she noticed Bellamy staring at her as if he was trying to remember every inch of her naked torso. There was a probability that someone may see them, but she didn’t care anymore: time had stopped since they got here.
Clarke teared apart Bellamy’s ridiculous vest, finding him naked underneath. Freckles and scars adorned his torso in such a beautiful way she had to stop to appreciate him. Most of these marks she could recognize and took pride in knowing him so well. She kissed every one of them slowly until he pulled her up by her chin to his lips again, kissing her fervently as he toyed with the button of her pants.
Bellamy rolled them until she was laying on the ground beside him, as he ran his fingers through her belly and lower, sucking at her nipples when his fingers made contact with her wet center underneath her clothes. He swallowed her moans as he teased her, before he pushed her pants down and out of her in one swift motion.
She was left in only her underwear with him hovering over her and looking like he was going to eat her. Bellamy’s sex appeal always succeeded to make her skin crawl, and Clarke swore she could give everything to live this moment forever. Shifting the atmosphere, Bellamy kissed the corner of her lips lovingly before saying her name like a prayer.
His fingers found her wet and wanting as soon as he put his hands on her. It was ridiculous how fast she was starting to feel her release building inside of her, and Clarke tried to delay it by kissing him to distract him, but he was relentless, moving as if he knew her weak spots.
Bellamy only stopped when she cupped him and rubbed her hand against his crotch. It made him groan against her lips and still his fingers, that were by now at her entrance. Their kiss grew more desperate as Clarke guided him to the ground and climbed to his lap again, biting his lips as she unbuttoned his pants and pulled his clothes down until he was free.
Clarke hissed watching him. He was big: what she felt before didn’t make justice to this. The velvety texture of his cock was mesmerizing to the touch, and if she wasn’t as desperate for him as she was right now, she would have taken the time to blow him. Bellamy pulled her panties aside and kept fingering intensely, plunging his fingers onto her, trying to stretch her before she could take him in.
His fingers didn’t make justice. Clarke figured this out as she was halfway onto him, slowly lowering herself with her eyes close trying to conceal the pain. Bellamy could reach places within her she never could, and the sensation of him exploring these places was making him emotional. She kissed him lovingly as she stayed unmoving, trying to find the perfect angle after she felt like she was doing fine.
“Fuck. Princess.” Bellamy growled when she didn’t stop gyrating her hips to accommodate herself. Placing his hands on her hips, he urged her to ride him for good, and Clarke obliged, lifting herself up until only his tip was inside of her, and down again.
It has been so long since she hadn’t been this excited. She liked sex; liked to share intimacy and heat with other person, but this… this desperate need to keep feeling him inside of her and intense sensation that this might be the best moment of her entire life were something so different and so addictive Clarke could swear if she were to die right now, she would do it willingly.
Clarke came around him soon, with her legs trembling and becoming numb as she whimpered and tried to keep moving for him to find his release. But she had become so lightheaded and languid she could barely do what she wanted. Luckily, Bellamy was strong enough to help her until he was coming inside her, spurring his hot seed and making her come for a second time at the intrusive and warm feeling. She had never thought about giving birth, but now the idea of carrying his baby was a major turn on, which she had to supress for their own good. This was not a world to raise a child.
She might have fallen asleep for a bit, because when she opened her eyes again their bodies were getting cold and Bellamy was holding her close to keep her warm.
“I love you so much, Bellamy.” Clarke whispered against his ear before pulling out of him to sit at his side. She could feel his cum dripping down to the ground as she looked around and breathed in the cool air.
She saw Bellamy out of the corner of her eyes picking up their clothes and handing hers to her before quietly getting dressed. Clarke felt anxious at his silent actions, as she followed him and put on her clothes quickly. Had she done something wrong? Was it not enough to convince him? She watched as he picked up the gun meters away from them and hid it in his pants.
It was only fair he didn’t let her carry it anymore. It was only logical he still couldn’t trust her with his life.
Just when she was about to ask him whatever he was thinking now, Bellamy approached her only to kiss her lovingly, cradling her face and pressing his forehead to hers to breath her scent in.
“I started loving you since fell into that grounder’s trap.” He told her. “But I wasn’t sure until that day trip. Just being near you made me aware of how much I wanted you.”
Clarke chuckled.
“I feel so old now. But loving you through all this time must mean I’m still the same guy without death on his shoulders.”
“So what do we do now, Bell?”
“First, we stop this shit and save our friends. Next, we do whatever the hell we want.”