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It took graduation to pry the Monsters apart, and Kevin felt he was losing his family all over again.
Neil said Kevin was being dramatic, but he still marched them down to the Apple store and bought shiny new iPhones all around. Their phone phobic little rabbit had gotten over his phobia the year the girls had graduated, and he set up Andrew and Kevin and Robin on his account with Facetime and iMessages, programmed them with all the right numbers.
Andrew was soon off to Boston to play for the Wolverines, and Kevin to San Diego to play for the Dolphins - they couldn’t have gotten further apart if they’d tried. Neil had one more year at Palmetto, captaining the Foxes, and Robin the co-captain at his side. Aaron had already left for med school in Chicago with Katelyn, and they’d put a tearful Nicky on the plane to Germany yesterday.
Now it was Kevin’s turn, and the four of them stood awkwardly in the parking deck of the airport, Andrew leaned against the Maserati smoking and not looking at Kevin, Neil standing in front of him with a small smile, Robin pressed up against his side.
“We’ll all be back here at Christmas,” Neil said, and Kevin nodded.
Robin took two steps forward and Kevin dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around her. She sniffed and stepped back, said, “Kick some ass and take some names, Day.”
“I’m planning to,” he said solemnly, and winked, then quirked an eyebrow at Neil, who sighed through his smile and let Kevin pull him in for a brief hug. Kevin propped his chin on Neil’s head and Neil pulled him just a little bit tighter before letting go.
Andrew finally dropped his cigarette and looked at him as he shouldered his bag, but he didn’t step away from the car, and Kevin understood. Kevin threw Andrew his own two finger salute and turned to go, but he hadn’t made it far before there was an arm on his elbow, and then the tiny smokey thundercloud of Andrew Minyard was wrapped around his waist in a fierce hug, and Kevin dropped his bag and folded around him, and closed his eyes.
It was a long plane ride. Kevin stared out the window some, slept some. Listened to one of the playlists Andrew had loaded on all their phones. The plane landed, and he was waiting for his bag to roll down the conveyor belt when his phone pinged.
I’m here, where you?
baggage carousel 4. I can meet you outside
Too late, I see you!
Kevin looked up to see six feet of sunshine headed his way, topped with a golden mop of unruly waves that were several inches too long to be respectable and a smile that was lighting up the whole terminal.
This had been Jean’s idea. He’d called him the moment he’d found out Jeremy and Kevin would both be playing for the Dolphins.
“You two should live together. Jeremy doesn’t know anyone else on the team either. It’d be good for both of you.”
“I do know how to make friends Jean.”
“I know, but.”
But. Kevin had heard that but loud and clear, along with everything it meant: but you were a Raven, but you haven’t been alone for four years, but I know you are going to miss Minyard and Josten and Cross, but, but, but.
Of course Kevin had said yes. Jean wasn’t wrong.
Jeremy loaded Kevin’s bags into the back of his Tahoe, and headed for the house that Kevin had paid for half of and that he’d only seen in pictures. He’d sat one night last month with a vodka in one hand and the West Elm website pulled up on his laptop, Andrew and Neil on either side of him picking out his bedroom furniture. He drank less these days, but online shopping for a bed and a dresser and a mattress and a duvet while two tiny menaces egged him on called for at least a little something in his glass.
Standing now in his new bedroom Kevin thought maybe there should have been a little less vodka and a little more paying attention to what he was doing that night, because apparently he had ordered a really lovely king platform bed in the most delicate shade of light pink velvet.
“I blame Andrew for this,” Kevin muttered, running his fingers along the headboard.
Jeremy snorted behind him, leaning on the doorway with his arms crossed. “Ah, yeah, I was a bit surprised by the pink. And the velvet. Didn’t seem very Kevin Day . So you didn’t do this on purpose?”
Kevin gifted him with a look, and Jeremy gifted him back with a wide smile. “Come on, let me show you the view and we can walk down to the beach.”
The house was technically in La Jolla, footsteps from the sand and looking out over the waves of the Pacific ocean - wilder waves than the Atlantic, untamed and frothy, surfers in wetsuits bobbing in clusters dotting the water here and there. Jeremy looked at home, relaxed and free as he led Kevin down to the water, and Kevin only hesitated a moment in following Jeremy’s lead to kick his shoes off, to step a few inches into the water. The sun was warm and friendly above, though the water was chilly, and his feet sank into the sand as the tail ends of the surf rolled merrily around his ankles. They stood there for a while, both quiet, the sea soothing around them. It was. Nice.
Pre-season training didn’t start for another month. Kevin had moved out early at Jean’s urging.
“Spend some time together. You’ll like Jeremy.”
“I already like him Jean,” Kevin had sighed.
“Yeah, but you don’t actually really know him do you?”
It had been this conversation that gave Kevin the idea that he wasn’t the only one Jean was worried about. Jean was spending the summer with Renee in North Dakota before moving to Houston to play for the Comets, and Kevin had wanted to give Andrew and Neil some space before they had to say their own goodbyes - although Neil had rolled his eyes at him and Andrew had told him he was stupid. Kevin knew better though. So he left, to spend his summer with sunshine boy Jeremy Knox, his friend from afar, and now his new roommate.
Jeremy made it easy. He was friendly and calm. Playful but steady. He laughed easily, talked a lot, but knew when to be quiet too. After years in the Nest and four years with the Foxes, Kevin didn’t quite know what to do with someone who wasn’t three kinds of fucked up from sorting through their trauma, and he watched Jeremy curiously as they traipsed through their summer, falling into a routine together. It was. Nice.
They didn’t have access to a court yet, though Kevin thought vaguely they could find one if they really wanted to. And Kevin did really want to - of course he did. But. Instead he woke in the morning in his pink velvet bed, the west coast sun streaming in his windows. He ran on the beach with Jeremy before those rays had made it all the way out of the water, Kevin in his bright orange hoodie, little white fox paws printed down the sleeves, Jeremy in red, a trojan helmet in faded gold across his back. After, they’d make coffee and omelettes, toast bread, cut up fruit. Sit on the veranda of their house - their house - looking out over the sky and the ocean and the surfers while they ate.
“Wait,” Kevin said one of those lazy mornings. “Do you actually know how to surf?”
“No,” Jeremy laughed. “Why does everyone think I surf?”
Kevin raised an eyebrow at him, and Jeremy ran a hand through his hair and laughed again.
“Yeah okay, fair. But no, I’ve never even tried. No time for surfing - all I’ve ever done is exy.” He shrugged.
Kevin looked at him, and then back out to the sea. “We’ve got time now,” he said.
That afternoon they found themselves at a colorful surf shack down the beach, the one they’d jogged past every morning, the one with Surf Lessons for Noobs painted across the side in swoopy pink letters.
“Matches your bed, Day,” Jeremy said, jostling Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin ignored him.
There wasn’t really a door, more a counter made of what looked like driftwood, wetsuits and rash guards hanging over a line strung between nearby palm trees, and surfboards stacked up neatly by size along the inside of the shack - something about that reminded Kevin of the Fox’s racket locker, rolling out of the Foxhole Court and headed for the team bus, and he felt a small pang.
“Hello?” Jeremy called. A headful of wild, bright red curls popped out, oversized rainbow sunglasses perched low on a freckled nose, and then a whole person was standing in front of them.
“Heya!” She smiled brilliantly, teeth bright against tanned skin. “I’m Hedy,” she said, and Kevin caught the quick up and down look she gave them both. “Here for surfing?” She was cute - kind of reminded Kevin of Renee, with slightly less i could kill you but I won’t vibes. He decided he liked her.
“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “We’re the noobs, at your service.” Hedy laughed and Kevin rolled his eyes, but he smiled.
“Cool,” she said. “Let’s get you boys set up then.”
Hedy kitted them out with long sleeve rash guards, explaining they’d want them to protect their skin from the wax on the board. They practiced popping up a few times, just the longboards on the beach, Hedy watching them with a critical eye. “Fit, aren’t ya?” she said the first time Kevin and Jeremy hopped smoothly from their bellies to their feet with nary a wobble.
“We’re professional athletes,” Kevin said haughtily, and he flushed a bit when Jeremy barked out a laugh.
“I can see that,” Hedy said sagely, but he could see the twinkle in her eye.
“You clearly aren’t an exy fan,” Kevin muttered.
“Oh I know who you are Kevin Day,” she winked, Kevin turned full crimson, and Jeremy laughed so hard he choked. “You too Jeremy Knox,” she went on, and winked at him too. Jeremy and Kevin were both blushing bright red now, and Hedy laughed.
“Okay exy boys, let’s see what you can do on the water,” she said, finally taking pity on them.
Surfing was fun. Really fun. Kevin hadn’t used his body for anything but exy for so long that he’d forgotten what it was like. Something fun, just because it was fun, nothing to win, nothing to lose, nothing to worry about, just sea and sun and floating on his oversized board next to Jeremy Knox.
Hedy came out with them at first, but for two strikers at the top of their game, the balance and strength and fine muscle control was there, and it only took a few runs before she saluted them and left them to their own devices.
They surfed until they were starving, but they were hooked, and as they returned their boards they promised to be back the next day.
Hedy laughed at them. “See how you feel in the morning exy boys, you might want to take a day.” When they tried to return the rash guards she shooed them away. “Keep them. I’ll make up the cost on board rentals from you two, I can already tell.”
They thanked her and walked down the beach to grab tacos overflowing with fried fish and cabbage slaw and sat in the sand to watch the waves and didn’t talk. Kevin had been there a week and it was the first time his body felt exy tired , like he’d played a whole game, and it felt good. It felt. Nice.
The sun was low in the sky when they made their way back to their house, covered in salt and sand. The house had an outdoor shower on the deck in a somewhat secluded alcove, and Kevin followed Jeremy that way, not really paying attention until he looked up from kicking off his own shoes to see Jeremy stripping out of his rash guard, turning on the water, and then stripping out of his board shorts and yeah, Jeremy Knox was standing naked in front of Kevin, stepping into the spray of water.
Kevin Day was a lifelong athlete. First the Nest, then the Foxhole Court. He’d been in many a locker room, had seen many a naked man. It wasn’t a new thing. Clearly Jeremy hadn’t even thought twice about it, stripping down in front of Kevin. But Kevin had never been in a locker room with the sunshine boy himself, who now seemed to be shimmering gold and brown under the water in the late dappled light, and Kevin said the only thing that would come out of his mouth.
“Lobster,” he squeeked.
“What?” Jeremy said, eyes closed as he turned around, turned towards Kevin, and yeah, oh, that was not better.
“Jeremy Knox you have a lobster tattooed on your ass,” Kevin said, louder this time, without the squeak.
“Yeah, I am aware,” Jeremy said with a smirk. “Kevin Day were you staring at my ass?”
“Hard not to, what with the lobster and all,” Kevin said, his gaze firmly trained on Jeremy’s face and not on his dick as he stepped out of the water.
“All yours Kev,” Jeremy smiled at him, and shook his hair like a teenager, spraying water everywhere before he walked into the house buck naked.
Kevin stood frozen to the spot for a moment, sussing out what exactly was all his , before unsticking his feet, stripping out of his own sandy clothes and stepping under the water, not even wincing at the cold spray. Cold was good. It’d been a long time since he’d had a reaction like that. It would go away. It was just a moment.
Problem was, it didn’t go away.
As in, Jeremy didn’t go away, and neither did the way Kevin found himself looking at him.
Kevin had always looked at Jeremy Knox - it wasn’t a new thing, not really. But that gaze had been filtered through a television screen when he’d watched him play, when he’d watched him give interviews, always professional and kind, but with an underlying fierceness.
That gaze had been filtered through the face grid on his exy helmet when they faced off on the court, or through the plexiglass from the sidelines, and occasionally in the crowded space of a party when Kevin came to visit Jean over the last three years, as he and Jean had mended the cracks in their relationship the best they could. Jeremy had always been there, but shining remotely, eyes on Jean, eyes on his team.
The boy wonder, captain of the USC Trojans.
Now, there was no filter. It was Jeremy unadulterated. Jeremy who laughed at stupid jokes in stupider movies with his mouth wide open, his eyes squinting, sometimes until tears flowed.
Jeremy who would lay flat on his surfboard, crossing his arms, propping his chin, and say “Can you even imagine anything as vast and beautiful as this ocean?”
Jeremy who changed into pajama pants and faded t-shirts as soon as the sun went down, who took out his contacts and perched oversized glasses on his face and listened to The Ramones with a mug of cheap boxed wine in one hand and an exy magazine in the other.
Jeremy who managed to be steady and reliable and calm while simultaneously brightening a room just by sitting in it.
This wasn’t new for Kevin either, not really. He’d just ignored it and shoved it down, because he could, and because really, he wasn’t all that attracted to people most of the time. Sure he liked men, but he liked women too.
There had been moments. With Jean, a long time ago, which was complicated and was now an unspoken history. Jean was happy with Renee, and too many things had passed between them, and that memory wasn’t so much a pang anymore, but a reflexive ache.
Being with Thea had been easier, until it wasn’t, and they’d parted amicably a year ago.
And Kevin was more honest with himself now. He could admit that there had been Andrew too, that his feelings had been tangled together and indecipherable for longer than he’d care to admit out loud. That something might have been, and that something slipped his grasp when Neil arrived. This too was more a reflexive ache than anything real. It had gone away, eventually.
Kevin was happy with how things were.
Andrew was family.
Neil was his brother.
But. Jeremy.
They kept up with the surfing, and their schedule adjusted to fold in afternoon hours on the water. The morning after their first day they both woke groaning, and they barely staggered through half their usual run at a light jog. Fit they may be, but popping up on a surfboard and paddling the water targeted different muscles than swinging their exy rackets. By the next day though, they were back on the water, and by week two they’d outgrown their longboards. That week Hedy sent them to the waves on a set of funboards, and they practiced maneuvering more, wiping out more, laughing more, the salt water stinging their noses.
Evenings after dinner were spent on their patio, tea or wine in hand as they sprawled on the long wicker sofa they had inherited with the house, watching the sun go down. Kevin would steal looks at Jeremy’s crooked nose, the blond hair on his forearms, the length of his fingers. Sometimes Kevin thought Jeremy was stealing looks at him too, but he never caught him at it.
Tonight the breezes were cooler, the sky cloudy, the sunset spectacular. Kevin had pulled a quilt over his shoulders before shuffling outside. He had some of Jeremy’s boxed wine in a mug, and he sighed contentedly, propping his legs up on the table in front of them.
“We should do something different tomorrow,” Jeremy said after a while. “There’s only a week before pre-season starts.”
“Hmmm,” Kevin nodded, watching the rusty oranges and flamingo pinks fling themselves across the sky as the edge of the sun touched the horizon.
“What have you not done?” Jeremy asked, and he kicked his feet up next to Kevin’s. “What’s still on your list?”
Kevin frowned at the question. “What do you mean?”
“Like, you know,” Jeremy waved his hand in the air. “The Ravens, the Nest. The fucked up fuckery. The normal American teenager things that you never got to do.”
Kevin turned to look at him, abandoning the sunset. “Is that a thing you asked Jean?”
Jeremy looked back. “Sure,” he shrugged.
“The fucked up fuckery,” Kevin mused. “I don’t know, I never really thought about it. The normal things, I mean.”
Jeremy looked horrified. Kevin laughed.
“Listen,” Jeremy said. “We’re going to make a list. I think I still have the one I made Jean on my laptop.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow. “You made a list.”
“Yep,” Jeremy nodded.
“And Jean agreed to this?”
“Yep,” Jeremy nodded. “We did every damn thing on that list too.”
“For example?”
“Roller skating.”
“Oh god no.”
“Have you done it?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know it’s an oh god no? You might like it. Like surfing.”
Kevin grunted in disbelief. Jeremy grinned, and the wind picked up, and he shivered.
“Come here you terror,” Kevin said without thinking, lifting an arm and the edge of his blanket. Jeremy searched his face, and Kevin almost panicked, but then Jeremy scooted closer, tucked himself under Kevin’s arm, and Kevin tugged his blanket to cover most of Jeremy, and it was immediately warmer, and better. They sipped their wine. “I’m not going roller skating,” Kevin said. Jeremy just hummed.
Later that night, tucked into the pink bed that was - to be honest - kinda growing on him, Kevin texted Andrew.
how do you figure out if someone likes you?
After a moment his phone rang, an incoming call from Andrew.
“Andrew?”
“It’s Neil.”
“Why? I mean hi.”
“I don’t know, Andrew just handed me his phone and it was ringing you already,” Kevin could almost hear the shrug in Neil’s voice and he smiled. He missed them.
“I texted him,” Kevin said.
“What did you text?”
Kevin felt his cheeks heat. “I asked how you figure out if someone likes you.”
“Oh,” Neil said. “Well. I’m not sure I’m the one to ask.”
“Ask him, Kevin,” Andrew said in the background.
Kevin sighed. This had to be a trap. “Neil, how did you know Andrew liked you?”
“Ah,” Neil said, and there was a pause. “You were right there. He said he would blow me.”
Kevin closed his eyes. “First of all, of course he did. Second of all, I really don’t think I was there - I would have remembered that.”
“We were speaking German I think.” Some background mumbling. “Andrew says yes, it was in German, and you were there. Here, ask Andrew.” There was some jostling, and then it stopped.
“Kevin.”
“Hey Andrew.”
“Ask me too.”
“Fine. How did you know that Neil liked you? And I swear to god Andrew, if you say he let you blow him I will-”
“He stayed,” Andrew said, interrupting him.
“Oh,” Kevin said softly.
“Was that helpful?”
“Not at all,” Kevin said, but he was smiling.
Kevin expected Andrew to hang up after that, but he didn’t, and they breathed on the phone for a minute, and suddenly Kevin realized that maybe Andrew had missed him too. He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to think of something to talk about, but then Andrew said, “Is this about Knox?”
Kevin somehow managed to squeeze his eyes even tighter, and he let out a small breath. “Yes,” he said quietly.
Another minute of breathing.
“Okay,” Andrew said finally. He handed Kevin back to Neil, they said more words and Neil didn’t ask about Jeremy.
They hung up.
Kevin and Jeremy didn’t go roller skating the next day, but only because when they picked up their boards from Hedy she’d invited them to a bonfire on the beach. “It’s my birthday today,” she’d said, shrugging off their chorus of happy birthday. “Bonfire’s a tradition - it’s fun, my people are cool. You two exy boys need friends don’t you? Come.”
Jeremy said “Sure,” and Kevin nodded. Hedy smiled.
They surfed. They got tacos. Kevin was eyeing a new tourist vendor that had set up across the boardwalk when Jeremy said, “So, bonfire?”
Kevin turned to look at him, saw his own face reflected in the lenses of Jeremy’s sunglasses, the shape of the chess piece on his cheek bright in the sun. “No, Jeremy, I have never been to a bonfire.”
Jeremy held up ten fingers and very dramatically lowered one down. Kevin shoved him into the sand, and he laughed and stayed there, gazing up at him with a grin.
He was really fucking beautiful like that.
“I’ll be right back,” Kevin said. “Stay here.” Jeremy nodded, and Kevin hopped up, jogging up the sand and across the boardwalk to the new vendor.
“What did you find?” Jeremy asked, eyeing the yellow plastic tote bag in Kevin’s hand when he returned.
“Don’t worry about it,” Kevin said, but he smiled, so Jeremy smiled back, and they headed home.
Kevin folded the hoodie neatly and put it in the middle of Jeremy’s bed while he was in the shower, and then he absolutely didn’t think about it while he took his own shower, got dressed, started chopping vegetables for dinner. The bonfire didn’t start until dark - they had time for dinner, time for mugs of wine on the patio watching the sunset, and oh fuck, Jeremy still hadn’t come out of his room, and Kevin felt a moment of absolute horror - that hoodie was ridiculous, what was he thinking, Jeremy was going to think he was an idiot.
Kevin dropped the knife on the cutting board, turned to go do - something, hide maybe - but then Jeremy walked into the kitchen in sinfully tight faded jeans, his hair damp and curling at the edges, and he was wearing the hoodie .
The soft blue looked good on him, his brown eyes sparkling as he smoothed the giant red lobster on the front of it and grinned. “Why Kevin Day, have you been thinking about my ass again?” he said, propping his hip against the kitchen counter and glancing back down at the lobster before raising an eyebrow at Kevin.
Fuck it.
“Yes, I have been thinking about your ass, Jeremy Knox,” Kevin said, taking a step closer.
“I have also been thinking about your smile, your laugh, how you talk, how you listen.” He took another step, and the grin dropped off Jeremy’s face, and he was gazing intently back at Kevin.
“How you make me feel like this place is home,” Kevin whispered as he took the last step, and he stopped. Gave Jeremy a moment to move away, but he didn’t. Kevin curled his fingers under the hem of the hoodie, his knuckles brushing against Jeremy’s denim covered hip bones, and he just wanted to collapse into him, and the feeling was overwhelming. “Say something,” Kevin said, because he couldn’t take it, and he was staring at Jeremy’s shoulder, and Jeremy was still, quiet.
“Kevin,” Jeremy said, and Kevin looked at him, and Jeremy’s hands were on Kevin’s waist. “Yes. That. Me too,” he said, and his smile was soft, but his touch was tentative.
Kevin searched his face, because nothing Jeremy ever did was tentative, but then Jeremy’s hands slid around to his back, his grip firmed, his gaze dropped to Kevin’s lips, and Kevin inhaled sharply. “Jeremy?”
Jeremy shook his head. “I just.” He stopped, shook his head again, and sighed, and Kevin was about to back away, but Jeremy stopped him, stepped away from the counter, fit himself more fully into Kevin’s arms, and kissed him.
Kevin had been kissed before. Before had been stolen moments warped by pain and secrecy, an imbalanced give and take, brutal. Before had been pushing and ferocious and not good enough and too much all at once. Before had been Raven kisses, born and forged in blood and fear.
This kiss was not those things.
This kiss was warmth and softness and home. This kiss was tender and blooming and it welcomed him in. This kiss was heat and flame and it wanted - it wanted.
It was a good kiss.
Kevin slid his hands under Jeremy’s hoody, grasping for skin on skin, his heart pounding and soothed at once, and Jeremy’s hands came up to Kevin’s face, tugged at Kevin’s hair, pulled him in, pulled him closer.
This kiss was a gift.
Eventually Kevin pulled away so he wouldn’t drown. He tucked his face into Jeremy’s neck, chased down one of his hands and tangled their fingers. Kevin thought he might be falling apart. He reached for Jeremy’s other hand, captured that one too before pulling back, looking into brown eyes like velvet.
“That was…” Jeremy said.
“Yeah,” Kevin agreed, and Jeremy smiled, and Kevin kissed him again.
Later, they met Hedy and her friends down the beach, the bonfire already blazing when they walked up hand in hand. Hedy had her arms wrapped around her girlfriend Anna, her hair lit cherry red in the firelight, a happy smile on her face. They met Cory and Jeni and Alexis and Gabi. Lou and Zan showed up a bit later with Moony and Mandi, and Jeremy teased Hedy for not having any guy friends. “Do so,” she grinned. “Two of them. About yea high.” She held her hand up high and tapped Kevin on the head.
Later still, the bonfire had burned low, most of their new friends coupled up and dispersed here and there along the shore. Kevin and Jeremy wandered off a bit and sat in the sand, Kevin leaning against one of the big boulders, Jeremy leaning back into Kevin. Kevin wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s chest and brushed his lips against Jeremy’s ear
“Is this weird?” Kevin asked. They’d bought a house, they’d moved in as friends, they’d kissed.
Jeremy was quiet. “It should be,” he said after a while. “But it doesn’t feel weird. It feels. Nice. Better than nice.”
Kevin nodded against his face. Kissed his jaw, his neck. Pulled him closer. “I just like you Jeremy Knox.”
“I just like you too Kevin Day.”
Kevin hummed, tucked his hands into the pocket of Jeremy’s lobster hoodie, and Jeremy tucked his hands in too, and they watched the stars move slowly across the sky until it was time to go home.
