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Everyone knows Wonwoo isn't the most clingy person in the group. He has ways of showing his affection other than physical, and the others know that very well. He doesn't seek any physical contact unless in the mood, and more than often doesn't reject anyone seeking warmth from him.
But when he's the one that needs warmth, that's a different story.
Wonwoo has always taken care of himself quite well. He prefers dealing with his issues alone, confined in his room with his books or games accompanying him. Sometimes, he sleeps his problems away, and wakes up feeling better.
But today he wakes up feeling worse than ever, very under the weather. He feels like everything is on the edge of toppling over, that everything is just wrong. He's had to take numerous deep breaths every few minutes to keep his head above water, but it's getting hard.
He needs to be with someone. He needs someone.
Pushing his blanket aside, Wonwoo looks over to his roommate's bed and deflates when he sees Mingyu is already up and out. He looks at the time and finds out it's a little after noon.
After putting on some socks, since it's getting chillier and he knows he gets cold faster than anyone, and throwing the hood of his hoodie over his head, he makes his way out of the room.
Once out in the living room, he doesn't find anyone else but Seungkwan sitting on the couch using his phone. The others might be out or in the second apartment.
Wonwoo hesitates. Normally, he doesn't go to the younger members when he needs comfort, preferring to keep his image as the reliable hyung, but right now he's in too deep to care who's younger or older. He just needs someone.
After taking a few hesitant steps towards the couch, he sits down beside Seungkwan, awkwardly fiddling with the hem of his sleeves. He takes a deep breath, gathering some courage he shuffles closer to Seungkwan, and then leans his head on his shoulder.
Seungkwan, who usually doesn't mind physical affection or touches from the member. Seungkwan, who usually initiates most of those touches, pushes him off his shoulder with a grunt.
"Don't annoy me now, hyung. I'm doing something."
Annoy. He's being annoying.
On a normal day, Wonwoo would have laughed and continued bugging the younger, or even moved away without any negative feelings. But today isn't a normal day, and Wonwoo most certainly isn't feeling normal.
So he retracts quickly as if he's been burnt, mentally scolding himself for even trying to reach out to someone. He mumbles a rushed apology as he gets up from the couch and makes his way back to his room. Seungkwan doesn't notice a thing, doesn't even spare a second glance at him, and somehow that hurts more.
After settling inside his sheets again, he considers texting someone to come and spend time with him, maybe even cuddle him for a bit.
He remembers how once Seokmin had performed a test on him for a challenge, seeing how quickly he could get to the younger member on receiving an emergency call. On reminiscing that incident and thinking that the younger might reciprocate the care, Wonwoo shoots him a text with a small smile.
Except he never gets a reply. It's been over an hour now, and his message hasn't even been read. He's tired of checking his phone now, and doesn't have the heart to text anyone else just to face another rejection and have his hopes crushed again.
A few tears slip from his eyes and he tucks himself in his comfort, willing himself to fall asleep again with hopes of feeling better once he wakes up.
He doesn't. When he wakes up for the second time that day, his phone shows it's past seven in the night. He still feels as heavy and unsettled as he did when he first woke up. He still feels like he's surrounded by dark clouds thundering around him.
He hears a few muffled sounds from outside and a light of hope flickers inside him. Maybe if he spends time with the others he will feel better.
In quick and desperate movements, he rushes out of his bed and walks out from the confinement of his dark and lonely room.
Bad choice. The contrast of silence and this sudden rush of noise takes him aback in an overwhelming way. He doesn't know which one was better. Both feel suffocating and he doesn't know if he wants to continue his way out or go back in.
He desperately needs someone.
He's so close, just a few more steps and he will be out in the living room, and maybe someone will pity him after seeing his state and pull him in their arms.
Wonwoo just stands there, eyes glassy and mind hazy. He doesn't have the energy to move, to take a few steps and reach out for help. He needs someone to hold his hand, to tell him it's okay, to remind him he's safe, he's cared for, he's loved. But everyone was either ignoring, or giving him weird looks.
Everyone except Jeonghan.
He somehow always knows. He's always looking, always caring.
Jeonghan is sitting on the couch, at the end closer to the hallways leading to the bedrooms, watching the TV with everyone else, when he notices Wonwoo standing by the hallway, looking out of it. He assumes it was because the younger had just woken up after sleeping all day, which was a concern in itself.
Jeonghan knows all the members like the back of his hand, he is quick to notice tell-tale signs of his members' conditions. And he knows what to do when he sees them.
When Jeonghan came back up to the apartment and heard from Seokmin that Wonwoo was still in his room asleep, his brows had furrowed. It wasn't that unlikely of anyone in the team to spend their day sleeping in the room. But if he remembers correctly, Wonwoo had gone to bed earlier than anyone the previous night. So for him to not have come out of his room yet was concerning.
And now he could tell why. Jeonghan gives Wonwoo some time, waiting to see if the younger snaps himself out of his daze and moves. When he doesn't see any movement from the younger after a few moments, that's when he knows he has to step in.
He could see the younger's cloudy eyes, and how his chest seemed to be moving with irregular short breaths. Jeonghan feels his own heartbeat quicken.
"Wonwoo?"
The younger slowly lifts his eyes, settling them on his hyung. Seeing the elder's concerned gaze directed towards him, Wonwoo's eyes well up with tears, his lower lip wobbling. Oh.
"Oh, Wonnie,"
Jeonghan's concerned frown shifts into a sad one as he ushers the younger towards him. "Come here, baby,"
Wonwoo does not waste a second as he walks towards his brother with wobbly steps, before letting himself fall in Jeonghan's welcoming arms. The elder shifts him so he is on Jeonghan's lap, legs straddling him and face hidden in the crook of his neck. At the comforting hand rubbing his back, Wonwoo finally lets his walls break.
"H-hyung," is all he can say through the lump in his throat.
"I know, baby. I know. It's okay, Hyungie's got you. You're okay, you're safe with me." Jeonghan murmurs in his hair and Wonwoo's arms tighten around his waist.
The other members are still frozen on their spots in the living room, the drama on the television long forgotten. Seungkwan and Chan are shamelessly gaping at Wonwoo on Jeonghan's lap, Joshua looks startled, but then his gaze shifts to something more sympathetic and concerned. Jihoon and Seokmin, who had entered the room just a moment ago have sad frowns on their faces, also worried.
"Is hyung okay?" Chan whispers to Seungkwan.
"I don't know."
What happens next surprised the others even more.
Jihoon walks over to the couch where his bandmates are seated and stands next to Jeonghan.
"Hey, baby boy," He coos, and his hand goes to stroke Wonwoo's hair. "Bad day?"
Wonwoo shudders and lets out a shaken breath, and that's when Jeonghan realizes he still hasn't gotten his breathing down to normal.
"Wonnie, can you take some deep breaths for me? You're still shaking and your heartbeat is going crazy, baby."
Jeonghan moves his head back to take a look at Wonwoo, his hand wipes the tear tracks on the younger's face before caressing his cheekbone.
Wonwoo nods at Jeonghan's words and attempts to take deep breaths, each ending in a shaky exhale.
"You're doing so well, Won. Just a few more." Jihoon praises, his hand never leaving Wonwoo's hair.
Wonwoo eventually gets his breathing back to normal. He tiredly slumps against Jeonghan's chest, who lets out sympathetic coo.
"Such a good boy. You did great, baby boy. You're okay now." He presses a kiss against Wonwoo's temple, Jihoon also bends to do the same.
Wonwoo brings himself back to his previous position, face tucked in Jeonghan's neck and just breathes there. Jihoon has placed himself on the armrest, his hand never leaving Wonwoo's hair. Jeonghan continues rubbing the boy's back.
The television has been turned off by now. Seungkwan and Chan are still looking at them worriedly, their lips between their teeth and brows furrowed.
"Do you wanna talk about it? Or..." he glances at the younger members in the room, knowing Wonwoo might not want to display any vulnerability in front of them. "... do you wanna go back to your room?" Jeonghan tentatively asks, his voice low and gentle. Wonwoo feels the rumble of his chest as he speaks and it somehow makes him feel better.
"N-not my room." He croaks out a whisper in a slight state of panic, tears spring up in his eyes again at the thought of going back to his room full of dark clouds. He doesn't want to spend a minute in there. He just wants to be in his Hyung's arms, safe and protected.
Jeonghan is quick to notice and comfort him. "Okay, baby. We won't go back in there. That's fine, anything you want." He peppers a few more kisses on Wonwoo's temple, thumbing away a stray tear that fell from the younger's eyes. "Don't cry, Wonnie. It's okay."
Joshua scoots closer to the trio sitting at the edge of the sofa and takes Wonwoo's hand in his. "Wonu, do you want me to get Cheollie?" He asks knowing well the one person who is best at calming down and comforting almost everyone in the team is Seungcheol. His gentle, safe aura and warm embrace are exactly what they all need in this state.
Wonwoo stills for a moment and then nods.
"I'll get Cheol hyung." Jihoon rubs Wonwoo's arm comfortingly before leaving to fetch the leader.
A few minutes later when Seungcheol rushes down to their apartment, he immediately settles himself behind Wonwoo, leaning down a little so he's chest is not too far away from the younger's back.
Wonwoo lifts his head up at the new touch and once he sees Seungcheol, his eyes begin to water once again before he lets out a whine and his hand scrambles to get the eldest closer to him.
Joshua gets up and Seungcheol replaces him on the couch beside Jeonghan before taking Wonwoo from him and bringing the boy into his lap.
"Oh, my baby. My sweet boy," Seungcheol cradles the younger's head and presses a kiss to his ear before wrapping his arms around the upset boy.
"I'm here. Your hyungs are here. We got you."
After quite a while of staying in Seungcheol's arms does Wonwoo finally calm down. His breathing is slow and steady, his heart rate is normal and he no longer feels like he's going to drown. He's in Seungcheol's arms, and there's no other place in the world that is safer than his eldest hyung's arms, after his mom's.
"Wonwoo, I need a number." Seungcheol mutters into his hair. If there's one thing Seungcheol has learnt from his therapy sessions and applied to his members, it's rating the mental state they're in and how bad they feel.
Usually when Wonwoo feels sad or lonely or even anxious, it has never been above four or five. But today, everything was so much more out of his control. And he was scared. So so scared.
"Six... or seven."
Jeonghan and Seungcheol's heart fall in their chest. A few gasps are heard in the room. Everyone has different limits, and they feel things in different intensity, and this is the highest Wonwoo has felt.
Seungcheol brushes Wonwoo's bangs aside and caresses his cheek. "And for how long?"
"Since yesterday night."
Jeonghan stills. "That long? Wonnie, if you felt that bad you should have gone to someone, sweetheart."
Wonwoo takes a shaky breath at that, remembers his encounter with Seungkwan and the text he sent Seokmin that was never read.
"I... I tried." He hesitantly admits and Seungkwan's face falls in realization
"Oh, Hyung. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I wouldn't have pushed you away if I knew you needed someone." Seungkwan apologizes and his eyes get misty at the thought of neglecting his member when he clearly needed him so much. If only he had been more considerate, more observant.
Seokmin's eyes also widen. "Is that why you texted me? I'm so sorry Hyung, I was downstairs with Hoshi hyung and didn't check my phone." He bites his lip in guilt.
The younger members have never seen Wonwoo so vulnerable, so hurt. He's one of the most reliable members of the group, always responsible and always there for his members when they needed him in every way possible. He's quick to come to his members when they call for him. Seeing him look so small in their leader's lap is an image that is going to keep them up at night, much like the ugly feeling lurching in their stomachs at not being there for their hyung.
Wonwoo doesn't answer and shoves his face back into Seungcheol's neck, facing Jeonghan whose lips turn downward at the tears that start falling from Wonwoo's eyes. His heart aches. His poor baby must have been so hurt, so upset. He needed someone so badly and everyone failed to understand that. His own eyes well up.
"Wonwoo, my baby, we're so sorry, darling," he whispers his apology and leans his head closer to Wonwoo to kiss his forehead. "Hyung is so sorry we weren't there when you needed us."
Wonwoo stays silent but he nods and closes his eyes. Jeonghan understands that the younger is most likely emotionally exhausted and needs to rest. He presses another kiss to his baby's forehead and gently caresses his cheek with his knuckles.
"Get some rest, okay? Hyungs will be right here." Seungcheol nuzzles his face in Wonwoo's hair.
"Our Wonwoo knows that none of you meant to hurt or ignore him, but he's still shaken. Let's give him some time, yeah?" He looks at the other members of the room and they thankfully get the hint, going back to whatever they're doing.
Joshua gets up a moment later and goes to Jeonghan's room. When he comes out he's holding Jeonghan's blanket in his hands which he drapes over Wonwoo. Jeonghan sends him a thankful smile and the latter drops a kiss to Wonwoo's head before exiting the dorm, leaving just the two eldest members with their baby.
Seungcheol adjusts the blanket around Wonwoo's shoulder and drapes some over Jeonghan as well, who in return leans closer to the two.
Wonwoo feels alright as his hyungs whisper sweet nothings in his ears, their hands caressing and comforting any part of his body they can reach. He goes back to sleep for the last time that day, this time feeling loved and cared for in the arms of his members.