Chapter Text
Yuta never really understood why he liked Mark so much. The feeling had always been there, since the first day they met. He loved the younger boy's personality and his contagious laugh made Yuta's heart flutter. Since then, Yuta has struggled to keep those feelings hidden. One of the biggest problems was Haechan, as much as he loved his younger brother, Haechan always seemed to be all over Mark. Markhyuck this, Markhyuck that. They were the best of friends, who were very affectionate towards each other. Yuta knew they weren't dating, but he couldn't help but compare himself to the younger boy. Haechan had amazing vocals, his body proportions were perfect, his personality and humour was so amazing to be around. That's why Mark was always with him, he was a little sunshine. But Yuta had a problem with that. He wanted to be Mark's sunshine, so he decided to change.
1 week later
It was a cold, rainy day. Yuta felt down, he wanted to blame it on the weather, but the reality was he was hiding under his covers feeling sorry for himself. The group had practiced hard all day, and came back to the dorm to have dinner together. Yuta tried his best to sit next to Mark, but was of course pushed out of the way, unintentionally, by Haechan. The Japanese boy instead sat a few seats away and started picking at his food. He felt sick. The night before he had spent hours on Google searching what the perfect boyfriend should look like. He didn't fit the criteria at all. Most people said they liked slim men, or men with muscle. Yuta was curvy, and that was starting to bother him. Was he too fat for Mark? Maybe that's why he took no notice to the older boy. He ended up leaving the table early with an empty stomach, and ended up in his bed.
Yuta was still moping under his covers, when he heard a knock at his door.
"Yuta? Are you awake?" Mark called out as he opened the door. His face showing a big toothy grin. Yuta poked his head out from under the duvet.
"Yeah." He whispered, too embarrassed to talk loudly.
"We're gonna have a movie night, will you join us?"
Yuta thought about it for a moment, he was feeling lonely but he knew that he would feel even worse being the only person sitting on his own, in a group of people. Everyone had their one person they could rely on.
"I-I don't want to ruin the mood or anything, so I'll just stay out of everyone's way." Yuta sighed. He was feeling a lot like a burden recently.
Mark walked more into the room and sat on the edge of the elder's bed.
"What do you mean? Are you feeling okay?" Mark asked, sounding concerned.
"I'm fine." Yuta replied, face showing no emotion.
"Come on." Mark grabbed Yuta's arm from under the covers and pulled him up. "Come and join us, you'll be bored on your own."
"Mark, please." Yuta sighed again, not wanting to get up.
"What can I do to make you join us?" Asked Mark, really wanting his friend to join the fun.
Yuta sat back down and thought for a minute, Mark's hand still holding onto his arm was making his stomach flutter.
"What movie are we watching?"
"Everyone's decided on horror, but we can change it if you want?" Mark replied.
Yuta took a deep breath, trying to pluck up the courage for what he was about to say.
"Will you hug me?" Yuta whispered. "So that I don't get scared by the movie." He quickly added on.
Mark let out a small laugh and smiled. "Of course." He said. "Come on, let's go before Johnny eats all the popcorn."
Yuta smiled slightly, as Mark held his hand and guided him to the front room. They sat down next to each other on the sofa, Yuta laying his head on Mark's shoulder and Mark, wrapping a protective arm around Yuta. No one mentioned how they were sitting, it was normal for everyone to be affectionate at the dorm.
The movie finished, and Yuta was drifting in and out of sleep. Mark helped guide him to his bedroom and tucked him in.
"Goodnight Yuta." Said Mark, getting up to leave.
"Mark." Yuta whispered, in his half asleep mind.
"Eo?"
"I love you."
Mark giggled quietly. "Cute. I love you too."
Then he left the room and closed the door on the way out. Yuta knew he only meant it as a friend, but hearing those words being directed at him, allowed him to sleep peacefully with a smile on his face.
The next morning, the dorm was chaos as always. Everyone was rushing to get ready of practice, taking it in turns to shower, trying to find something they had lost the night before. It was a rather hectic morning, but after a while it became quiet in the front room and Yuta realised that everyone had joined together in the kitchen to eat breakfast. It was a tradition for the 127 members to sit together from breakfast before schedule. Normally Yuta would be the first one at the table, eager to eat, but today he just couldn't bring himself to move. Today's dance practice was 6 hours long, and it would be better to do it on an empty stomach. Then he could burn off all the calories from the few mouthfuls of rice he ate the night before. Yuta sighed and closed his eyes waiting for the other's to finish.
Over in the kitchen, no one had noticed Yuta's absence, apart from Mark who seemed a little confused as to where his friend was.
"Mark, you alright?" Johnny asked, nudging him out of his thoughts.
"Oh, yeah. Just thinking." He replied. "Have you seen Yuta?"
"I think I saw him sleeping on the sofa before I came into the kitchen. I thought he would be here by now." Doyoung chimed in.
"Huh, I'll go and check on him." Mark said, getting up and moving into the next room. He saw the person he was looking for, curled up in a ball on the sofa. His eyes were shut, but his breathing pattern indicated that he was awake. Mark sat beside him and used one of his hands to play with the older boy's hair. He loved the new long hair on Yuta.
"Yuta?" Mark said quietly, in a sing song tone.
"Hmm." He replied.
"It's time for breakfast."
"I'm not hungry." Yuta replied, too scared to open his eyes.
"I'm not letting you leave until you've eaten, we've got a long practice today." Mark said sternly. "Come on." He grabbed the older boy's hand and pulled him up, dragging him to the kitchen table. Yuta noticed that when he was quiet and stayed away from everyone, he got more attention from Mark. He liked it. It felt like Mark actually cared for him, but he knew that was a lie.
Mark sat down and pulled Yuta down onto his lap. He could tell Yuta wasn't himself, and he hoped the extra affection would make him feel better. And it did, for a few seconds, but then Yuta felt uncomfortable as he realised he was probably crushing the younger boy. He made a mental note to exercise more so that he could lose weight faster. Yuta ate a small amount of rice and vegetables before deciding he was full. He stood up and went to get his shoes on ready for practice.
"Something's not right with him." Mark sighed.
The group continued on with their day, struggling through the 6 hour dance practice. As much as Yuta wanted to go home and sleep, he knew that he needed to get extra practice in, so he stayed behind to work on his vocals and dance. By the time he got home, it was late and everyone was asleep.
Yuta still felt down, he didn't feel right at all.
"Why am I not good enough?" He whispered to himself, a single tear falling down his cheek. He sighed and made his way to his bed, curling up and allowing himself to sleep for the night.