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Changbin would never have described himself as in the closet , per se.
When he first came to the realisation that girls didn’t - and probably never would - do anything for him, and that the supposedly platonic admiration he held for his favourite singers or particularly cool and charismatic upperclassmen actually involved wanting to kiss them on the mouth, he didn’t feel much of an urge to reveal that fact to anyone, or strictly hide it either. It was just a part of who he was, and if it became relevant then well, maybe then he’d bother bringing it up.
In the meantime he had too many other things to be occupied with - his friends, his music, his fitness, his grades, his family, his job. Dating might have been nice alongside all those other things, but Changbin had plenty of options to fill his time, and never really felt like he was missing anything.
That was how he’d ended up where he was now - a couple of years out of college, nicely established in his career, living in a decent enough part of town with some of the best friends he could ask for, and extremely single. Maybe, now he didn’t have to worry about being distracted from anything he deemed more important, it was time for Changbin to put himself out there and find himself some company.
The first step involved being more forthcoming about the kind of company he actually wanted.
He figured he should tell his friends first - he was ninety-nine-percent sure that it would go over well, and didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but he’d be lying if he said he weren’t a little bit sweaty-palmed at the prospect of saying it out loud for the first time.
“Oh . Well. Okay then,” had been Chan’s reaction. Changbin had probably caught him off guard - the three of them, Chan, Changbin and Jisung, had been watching TV together on an entirely average night when a lull in the conversation during an ad break gave Changbin the chance to steer the topic to what was on his mind. “I’m glad you told us!”
“You’re gay,” was Jisung’s thoughtful addition, the younger boy grinning from ear to ear like Christmas and his birthday had come all at once. “You’re gay , holy shit, this is amazing.”
“I hope you’ve never had to feel- ah, uncomfortable or anything. You know?” Chan squeezed Changbin’s shoulder gently, then, and Changbin knew what he was trying to say even if the older struggled to put it into words. “I mean, I’m sure you know, but most of my friends are gay, so…”
“Hyung, I’m pretty sure all your friends are gay,” Jisung counted on his fingers, poking his tongue out in thought. “Changbin was pretty much the only exception up until this point.”
“...huh. You’re right.”
And Jisung was right - part of why Changbin was so sure his friends would take the news well was that Jisung had all but paved the way for him some time earlier, trembling on the spot and his hands balled into fists but his tone unapologetic, almost defiant. There had been a few tears, and Changbin didn’t want any of those this time around, but every time he thought back to how nervous Jisung must have been that day, with zero idea how Chan and Changbin would react, he was immensely grateful that he was essentially doing the same thing on easy mode.
He’d wondered, at the time, if the good for you man and pat on the back he’d given Jisung in response had been good enough. Now though, as the trio settled back into their comfortable silence on the couch and unpaused the TV, the way Jisung easily helped himself to Changbin’s bag of chips and Chan continually glanced away from the screen to shoot a little smile in Changbin’s direction filled him with so, so much warmth. If his own gesture back then, however small, had given Jisung even a fraction of the reassurance he felt right now, then he was happy.
Really, telling his best friends had been Changbin’s only major hurdle, at least for the time being. His parents lived pretty far away, so he wasn’t particularly bothered about updating them on his love life unless it got serious. Meanwhile his sister had posted a couple of hashtags on social media once and had typically been nothing but supportive of most things in Changbin’s life, so maybe he’d let her know at some point, maybe as a litmus test before telling their parents. And he was fairly sure nobody at work would give a shit.
So that left Changbin facing the uncertain path of navigating exactly what it meant to be, young, free and completely, self-assuredly gay in the city he called home.
“We should do something,” Jisung had announced one day. “To celebrate.”
“Celebrate?”
“Your newfound outness!” Changbin had snorted at that - Jisung made it sound like he’d gone out to the middle of town with a megaphone for all the world to hear, or maybe made a statement on national television, though for a moment there on that couch it really had felt like that. “Be free! Have some fun! Meet some people!”
Changbin had never really been the clubbing type - maybe he was just overly picky with his music, maybe he just preferred to talk with new people where he could actually hear them - but as Jisung described a small (and crucially, gay ) venue he’d heard about through the grapevine, not too far from their apartment, he certainly made it sound appealing.
“Apparently they play decent music there and everything. Like, I can’t guarantee anything since I’ve never been there, but apparently the music is good, and it’s the cosy kind of small rather than the cramped kind of small. It’s on our bus route so we could easily bail if it sucked.”
“If it sounds so great, why haven’t you been there yet?” It was a genuine question. Sure, Jisung wasn’t a huge fan of crowds himself, but if it was how he described it sounded like the kind of place where Jisung could let loose a little and have a good time.
He cringed. “I didn’t want to go alone. Like, I didn’t want to drag my straight friends to a gay bar. But now we can go together!”
Chan had protested at that, insisting he would gladly have accompanied Jisung if he’d asked. “And I’ll still go with you, if you’d be okay with that? I mean, I can drive you and all, so you wouldn’t need to worry about getting home.” He turned his attention to Changbin, then, something questioning in his eyes. “I didn’t think you liked that kind of stuff though? I didn’t think you were gay either, so I could be wrong again, but...”
“Nah, you’re right. I don’t,” he’d shrugged. “But I think I wanna go. Might be nice to just go somewhere and...I don’t know. Be gay?”
Changbin felt more than a little bit stupid at that, but his friends nodded along in understanding, like he’d made absolutely perfect sense. He really was blessed to have friends like these - Jisung probably knew the exact feeling he meant, even if he couldn’t put it into words the way he wanted, and Chan...well, he’d be damned if Bang Chan weren’t the most understanding human being on the planet.
“That’s what I was thinking! A place to just chill and like...exist, but in a gay way? Without having to overthink it?” Jisung was grinning by now, as he often did when he felt like he’d won. “How’s Saturday? I’m thinking Saturday.”
And Jisung had been right to think Saturday, as all three of them had Sunday free to recover from wherever the night may lead them to. That was how Changbin found himself here, quietly nursing a drink at the bar as he caught his breath after finally wriggling away from Jisung on the dancefloor.
They’d agreed in advance not to stick together too closely.
“Don’t worry, I won’t babysit you two or anything. Just look for me or shoot me a text if you need anything, yeah?” Chan had insisted, like he was worried about getting in the way. “Or, you know, if you don’t need me for anything, if you catch my drift.”
Changbin had caught his drift alright, willing his cheeks to stop burning as he stared out of the car window. “Let’s not be hasty.”
“Hey, never say never! That goes for both of you, by the way.”
Jisung, who had been idly kicking the back of Changbin’s seat the entire journey, had hummed in agreement. Though he hadn’t said as much out loud, Changbin could tell that Jisung was definitely hoping to turn a few heads that night, as the younger boy had clearly gone all-out for the occasion. He’d re-dyed his hair, emptied most of his wardrobe onto the floor in search of the perfect outfit that simultaneously highlighted all of his best assets but didn’t come across as too try-hard, and even swallowed his pride and asked for help applying eyeliner. Really, he looked pretty fantastic - making Changbin feel almost a little underdressed - and he had every confidence that Jisung would catch the attention he wanted.
Come to think of it, Jisung had never brought any guys back to their shared apartment. For all Changbin knew, feeling a little less alone had given Jisung the push he needed to put himself out there again for the first time since...damn, probably college.
(It had been an even longer time for Changbin - while he’d been entirely truthful in saying that nobody knew a thing before Chan and Jisung did, that wasn’t to say he was completely lacking in experience. A younger Changbin had indulged in a little teenage exploration with Jisung, of all people, and while it had been nice - extremely nice - they’d also both been extremely antsy high schoolers and, after a while, quietly let their unspoken experiment peter out and mutually pretended it never happened. Really, Changbin had to wonder why Jisung hadn’t had the slightest inkling that he might have been just as gay as Jisung was, all things considered, but when he thought about it, just about everything they’d gotten up to had been initiated by Jisung, so perhaps he’d written the older boy off as simply curious. That’s exactly what Changbin had done in regards to Jisung, anyway.)
Changbin didn’t know where Jisung was now, his younger friend insistent on not leaving the dancefloor just yet because there was apparently a really hot guy watching him, and he’d last seen Chan chatting comfortably on one of the couches with a large group of people he’d probably met outside - most likely by offering them the lighter he carried around despite not being a smoker himself specifically as a conversation-starter.
And Changbin? Well, Changbin was almost done with his drink, just enjoying the atmosphere. The music really wasn’t that bad, and the prices were reasonable, and it really was the intimate kind of small - enough people dancing at any one time to be able to let loose without feeling self-conscious, but still spaced out enough to breathe, to relax, even talk to people without shouting.
Maybe even talk to people such as, perhaps, the absolutely gorgeous specimen sitting just a couple of seats away from Changbin at the bar.
Changbin had actually noticed his drink before he’d noticed the person it belonged to - something fruity-looking in a lurid shade of neon blue that had him equal parts curious and intimidated - but his attention quickly shifted from the glass to the mesmerisingly full pair of lips it was brought to. It didn’t end there, either; a small mole that Changbin stared at a little too long to avoid directly meeting the other man’s dark eyes just above, long hair worn loosely half-up, half-down and brushing around his jawline. Changbin found himself entranced, maybe a little bit smitten, and distinctly aware of the very real feeling of eyes on him in return.
Is he… Changbin stopped his own train of thought there, unsure of exactly where it was going. Gay? Single? Looking at me? That last one answered itself soon enough, as pretending to contemplate his mostly-empty glass, he managed to catch the beautiful stranger sneaking a glance in Changbin’s direction. Another. Another, his gaze dropping a bit before he paused to look up at the ceiling, taking a breath.
Changbin suddenly felt very grateful for his friends’ encouragement to go sleeveless that night. It seemed to be working for him.
The stranger’s eyes widened as he realised Changbin had caught him staring, an embarrassed smile spreading across his face that Changbin couldn’t help but return. He didn’t say anything, but did hold Changbin’s gaze just a little bit too long to be accidental as he brought his glass to his lips again.
Maybe he was just shy.
Cute.
Maybe Changbin should have been a little more shy, himself, especially when faced with quite possibly the most attractive human being he’d ever set eyes on. But it was time for him to be more bold, more forthcoming, and what did he really have to lose just by saying hello?
“What flavour is that?” Was what came out of Changbin’s mouth first, surprising even himself, but it was fine, he could work with that - start low-key, a little smalltalk to break the ice. He gestured vaguely to the other man’s drink, as the stranger’s pretty lips parted in surprise.
“I- blue?” He spluttered, shaking his head quickly. “Oh my god. I mean. It’s like, that weird artificial raspberry flavour that doesn’t taste like raspberries, you know? Like weird chemical blue flavour. Oh god. I promise I’m not stupid.”
All Changbin could do was try his best to stifle a laugh as the other man groaned, hiding his face in his hands. Oh, Changbin was so endeared already.
“Looks good,” he went on, unable to stop himself from smiling. “Might have to order one for myself once I’m done with this.”
“It’s uh, non-alcoholic.”
Changbin shrugged. “Fine by me, I’m not here to get shitfaced anyways.”
The other man raised an eyebrow curiously at that, resting his elbows on the counter in front of him. “You driving?”
“Nah, I just don’t feel like embarrassing myself in a new place, you know?” In front of a really attractive guy , he left unsaid, but had to wonder if perhaps the stranger could hear it anyway as his expression shifted a little in thought.
“So it’s your first time here?”
A nod. “Yeah. This isn’t my usual scene, but a couple of friends really wanted me to come along, so I figured it could be fun.”
The stranger pursed his lips, then, and Changbin was absolutely staring at them. His strong brows knitted together, like something was bothering him, but before Changbin could ask what, exactly, he moved one seat closer to Changbin’s, tracing the rim of his glass with a fingertip.
“Okay.” He sighed, looking up at the ceiling again as if asking for help before seemingly coming to a decision within himself. “Okay, I’m just gonna have to ask you straight up. Are you...you know…?”
It took a few moments for Changbin to register exactly what was being asked - more than a few moments too long. When the penny finally dropped, Changbin almost knocked over his (thankfully empty by now) glass as he barked out a laugh. “Funny place to ask somebody that?”
“Believe me, I have a track record,” the stranger cringed behind his own drink. “Like maybe I just have a type, but I always end up talking with everybody’s straight friends, so I just want to get this established right off the bat.”
Choosing to quietly ignore what the other man had said about having a type , Changbin brought his own elbows to rest on the counter, not missing the way his companion’s eyes were trained on his exposed arms. “Well, for the record, I couldn’t be any less straight if I tried. Still getting used to saying that out loud, though.”
This time it was the stranger’s turn to have realisation dawn on him, shining in his eyes in the low light as his whole body relaxed a little bit. “ Oh. Now I’m following you. Good for you.” He was grinning, his expression lighting up with mischief and maybe even a little bit of excitement, and he scooted over one more seat to sit directly next to Changbin. “I’m gay as fuck,” he lowered his voice, then, so Changbin could barely hear him above the music. “But you can call me Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin. Changbin took a moment to repeat the name a few times - it suited him, he liked it. “I’m Changbin.”
“Changbin, huh?” Oh, he really liked how Hyunjin said his name. It sounded so much better from the other man’s pretty mouth. “Well, Changbin - do you think those friends of yours are gonna steal you away any time soon?” Hyunjin’s smile grew ever wider as Changbin shook his head. He didn’t even know where Chan or Jisung were at this point. “Cool, ‘cause I’d like to buy you one of these blue things and get to know you better.”
Changbin decided he’d really like that, too.
As well as being ludicrously attractive, Hyunjin turned out to be incredibly easy to talk to. The more information he shared, the more Changbin wanted to keep asking, the more he wanted to offer up in return. Hyunjin was a year younger than Changbin, and had come along with a friend in tow as well - apparently they were both regulars.
“Me and Minho-hyung kinda knew each other in college, but he really took care of me when I moved here. He showed me around all his favourite places to go dancing. It was funny, actually - when he first brought me here I asked him how he knew I was gay, and he looked at me real funny before saying you just told me .” He chuckled, taking another sip of his drink, and Changbin followed suit. The artificial raspberry flavour really could only be described as weird chemical blue , but it was sweet on Changbin’s tongue and a cool rush down his throat that he really needed when faced with someone who looked like Hyunjin. “He is too, but apparently he brought me here for the atmosphere. It’s nice, you know? It’s cosy, the music doesn’t suck that bad, and I can just...let go without being too self-conscious, I guess. Definitely one of my favourite places.” Another sip, before something like concern washed over his features. “I kinda hope Minho-hyung stays out on the dancefloor a little longer, though. You might decide you like looking at him better than me.”
“Not much chance of that happening.”
“Oh, believe me, you haven’t seen Minho.”
“I don’t think I need to.” Emboldened by Hyunjin’s own bluntness and rewarded by the flush on the other man’s cheeks, Changbin found himself speaking his mind far more freely than he ever thought he could in front of someone new. “So you’re the dancing type?”
“Oh yeah, runs through my veins. It’s kind of my job right now?” He hummed thoughtfully, poking out his tongue, and maybe Changbin was utterly transfixed by it. “Ah, that makes it sound cooler than it is. I’ve been running this summer dance program for little kids, but it’s ending pretty soon. I actually model a little bit as a side gig, but I might be able to make it my main thing if I can pick up some more jobs here and there.”
A model . That didn’t surprise Changbin at all, and with a shameless run of his gaze over Hyunjin from head to toe, he told him as much. His own job was nowhere near as glamorous as dancing or modelling, but as he described a typical working day to Hyunjin - all the ins and outs of installing and maintaining sound equipment in theatres and venues and the suchlike - his companion nodded along with rapt attention, seemingly finding it absolutely fascinating.
When Changbin managed to force himself to finish a tangent about brands of speakers before he accidentally put Hyunjin to sleep, the other gave a low whistle. “Sounds like it takes a lot of know-how. What drew you to it? The music side or the tech side?”
“Definitely the music side. That’s kinda my side-thing, if you can call it that. It’s not much - just a soundcloud account with the guys and a couple of gigs now and then through people Chan-hyung knows, but it means I can do what I love and sometimes people give me money for it.” He shrugged, downing the rest of his blue concoction and no more enlightened as to what may have actually been in it than he had been when he first received it. “And I mean, I like the day job well enough, so I’d call it a win overall.”
“You’ll have to let me listen sometime. I’m definitely curious about the kind of music a guy like you would make.”
Changbin chewed at his bottom lip, keeping his eyes on his empty glass. “You don’t have to say that.”
Hyunjin leaned in close, then, catching Changbin off guard. He was so, so close, resting his fingertips lightly on the back of Changbin’s hand with a real sense of purpose for such a featherlight touch. “You know,” he’d lowered his voice again, so Changbin had to lean in ever closer to hear him properly, and perhaps Changbin’s breath hitched a little bit. “You’re way more interesting than you seem to think you are.”
At that, Changbin’s mouth went dry, and in lieu of a response he figured it was time to get the attention of the bartender again - if Hyunjin was planning on keeping this up, he was going to need another one of those blue things.
Changbin could have talked to Hyunjin all night, as if the rest of the world stopped existing whenever the other man opened his mouth or cracked a smile or simply let his gaze run over Changbin while he was speaking, top to toe. He didn’t have much alcohol in him anymore, mysterious blue drinks soon replaced by a similar concoction in an artificial cherry sort of flavour which stained Hyunjin’s lips a deep shade of red that Changbin couldn’t tear his eyes away from, but he was practically drunk on Hyunjin’s attention, on his increasingly bold touches on Changbin’s hands and forearms, on his unrestrained laughter whenever Changbin said something that probably wasn’t even that funny, on the beat of the music through his limbs as the party continued without them on the other side of the room.
He didn’t need liquid courage tonight - the buzzing under his skin that practically crackled and sparked in the air between them whenever their eyes met was enough to take its place.
“I’ve never asked a hot guy for his number before,” Changbin had stopped Hyunjin before he could speak when he noticed him pulling his phone out of his pocket, and placed his own device on the counter between them. “So if you don’t mind giving me the pleasure of asking~?”
Hyunjin all but giggled, setting his phone down as well. “Ask away, it’s yours.”
It was when Changbin had just finished entering Hyunjin’s number into his contacts, sending him a winky face to be sure they got the details right, that his phone buzzed in his hand.
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
jisung said he doesnt need a ride home anymore how u doing?
“Your friends?” Hyunjin leaned back a little bit, taking a long sip of his drink.
“Yeah, designated driver. Seems like our other friend isn’t coming home tonight.”
“Are you going home tonight?”
Changbin kept his eyes trained on his phone screen, fumbling for a response. On one hand, he didn’t want to be so bold as to assume Hyunjin was asking Changbin to go home with him , but on the other hand, there was really no other way to interpret the question, was there? Surely not when Hyunjin’s fingertips returned to Changbin’s forearm, stroking lightly right up to the crook of his elbow. Surely not when Hyunjin was perched on the very edge of his seat to press into Changbin’s side as closely as possible. Not when Hyunjin had posed his question with eyes so so dark with purpose.
He swallowed hard.
“I mean, this place is on my bus route, so I don’t need to go home when my friends do.” He could feel Hyunjin’s gaze almost burning into his skin. “Or at all.” He added belatedly.
“Oh, green route? That’s my route, too.” The other man’s smile was gentle, but his eyes were on fire. It wasn’t quite a take me home , but the invitation was there, and it was open, and Changbin definitely wasn’t refusing it.
From: Me
I can bus back. Don’t stick around if you have stuff to do
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
u sure?? i dont wanna ditch u
From: Me
It’s fine. I’m talking to someone anyway
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
;)
From: Me
¬¬
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
have fun stay safe love u
“So, I’m thinking we finish up these red things, then get out for some air?” Changbin hummed, raising his glass a little and willing himself not to drop it as he struggled to keep his cool. Hyunjin just smiled lazily at him, clink ing their glasses together before bringing his up to his cherry-stained lips, and it was all Changbin could do to swallow the rest of his own drink down.
Nothing had been said outright, not yet, but Changbin had a feeling that once he and Hyunjin walked out of those doors together, they weren’t going to be coming back again tonight.
Changbin’s phase of being insecure about his height was long behind him - he’d come to terms with it in college, probably around the time he dedicated himself to becoming broader to compensate, actually - but when the pair finally finished their drinks and left their seats, he couldn’t help but take in the height difference between Hyunjin and himself. Hyunjin was tall , the willowy type, and Changbin knew that his younger self would definitely have been too awkward to even approach him.
Good thing Changbin wasn’t his younger self anymore, as if Hyunjin had any thoughts on their height difference besides taking the opportunity to slip an arm around Changbin’s waist to stay together , he didn’t voice them. He did voice an appreciative little ooh as his hand came to rest at the curve of Changbin’s waist, pulling him a little closer than really necessary under the guise of not getting separated in the not-all-that-crowded crowds, and maybe Changbin could really use a little fresh air.
“Ah-” Hyunjin paused just as they approached the doors, tugging Changbin into a shadowy spot close to the wall. “I can see Minho-hyung.”
“You gonna tell him you’re…?” Changbin didn’t get to pursue that train of thought any further, as he did his best to follow Hyunjin’s gaze to where the taller boy was keeping a close watch on one of the couches. There was a good looking guy there, from what Changbin could see, just as Hyunjin had described, but he didn’t pay attention to the man’s face for very long because settled comfortably in his lap was- “Wait. That’s Jisung.”
It was Jisung alright - even if Changbin couldn’t see very well, he’d recognise the phone case anywhere at the very least, and could almost hear him laughing over the music. Even from a distance, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding, the pair curled up oh so cosily and showing each other things on their phones as if merrily oblivious to the rest of the world.
Jisung looked comfortable. He looked happy.
“Your other friend?” The playful lilt in Hyunjin’s voice said it all, really. The friend who won’t be home tonight . It was easily apparent - from the way they leaned in way too close to whisper in each other’s ears, the way Jisung rested his head comfortably in the crook of Minho’s neck as their eyes remained trained on his phone, the way Minho held Jisung around the middle with his fingertips sneaking ever so subtly under the hem of Jisung’s shirt - that the pair had plans for the rest of the evening. “Huh. We should probably let our friends know we’re leaving, right?”
The last thing Changbin wanted to do was go over and intrude, but it seemed Hyunjin was already thinking several steps ahead, and with a mumbled let me just- he slipped his hand into Changbin’s back pocket to take out Changbin’s phone.
It was fine. It was good. It was great even. Changbin didn’t say as much out loud, concentrating his efforts on not spontaneously combusting instead as Hyunjin took his sweet time retrieving the device. Hyunjin did, at least, look a little bit embarrassed at his own boldness when he pressed the phone into Changbin’s hand and navigated to some kind of chatting app on his own, and before long, the lightbulbs were going off above Changbin’s head.
Across the room, Jisung and Minho glanced at each other in confusion as their phone screens simultaneously lit up with identical heading out - be safe have fun ;) texts, and a giggling Hyunjin pulled Changbin out of the doors before they could be seen.
The cool breeze against Changbin’s skin was like waking up from a particularly deep sleep - not quite shocking him awake but granting him a little more clarity of mind, sharpening the fuzzy edges around the evening up until that point. It was no dream, though. Hyunjin was still on Changbin’s arm, so warm and so real and so gorgeous under the mingled moonlight and streetlamps they passed as the music faded away behind them. They didn’t talk much, a comfortable silence settling around them as their feet guided them to the nearest bus stop just around the corner.
Green route - there was nobody else at the bus stop when they arrived.
Maybe that was why, when the pair settled on a bench as they waited for the next bus, Hyunjin rested his head on Changbin’s shoulder with a sigh. The ends of his hair tickled against Changbin’s neck, his breaths light against Changbin’s jawline. God, Hyunjin was so...he was so there , he was so everything , every point of contact between their bodies blazing with fiery promise under their innocent touches, every quiet breath and soft giggle from those cherry-stained lips electric under Changbin’s skin.
“I’m so glad I came out tonight,” Hyunjin whispered, seemingly more to himself than to Changbin.
“Glad I came out, generally.” Changbin hummed, and Hyunjin snickered into his shoulder.
“I was gonna cancel tonight - had a shitty day, didn’t want to see anybody, you know how it is. Minho-hyung ended up showing up at my door, putting this outfit on me himself and dragging me out.” He lowered his voice, then, and in the light of the approaching bus, Changbin took a moment to appreciate Minho’s choices. Had he more than a single brain cell to spare anybody who wasn’t Hyunjin in that moment, he would have made a mental note to thank the guy later. “I’m really, really glad he did.”
So was Changbin.
The silence returned on the bus, decidedly less comfortable as the fluorescent lighting and the presence of other people (though not many, considering the time of night) threatened to break the spell that had buzzed around Changbin and Hyunjin all evening. Threatened, but never quite managed, as even though they were no longer physically touching with their hands kept very much to themselves in their seats, there was some kind of current - a charge - silently buzzing and flickering between them. Unseen, unheard, yet loud enough to drown out the rest of Changbin’s cares as he kept his eyes trained firmly on the list of stops.
Hyunjin was fidgeting, wringing his hands in his lap. Could he feel the buzzing too? The sparks? Changbin’s stomach did a flip as their eyes briefly met before the pair both continued watching the list of stops to come - it felt a little like that first moment at the bar, their first eye contact over a glass of something strange and blue that had led all the way to this moment.
Changbin wondered, briefly, if anyone else on the bus cared to look at them. If anybody saw them. Saw two flustered young men tumble out of that bar together, en route to who knows what and who knows where. Saw the electricity, the sparks, the nervous energy radiating from Changbin whenever Hyunjin’s long legs bumped against his own.
“This is me,” Hyunjin spoke suddenly, rising to his feet. Changbin had so many thoughts in that moment - the approaching stop being only three or four stops away from his own; the area being somewhat familiar to him, at least the name, as Chan had lived there for a while before Changbin and Jisung got out of college and moved into their current place with him; the way Hyunjin’s outfit really showed off his legs, especially from where he was sitting now - but they all blanked in an instant as Hyunjin held out a hand wordlessly, expression...more nervous than Changbin had ever seen it.
Nervous, but excited.
Expectant.
Changbin realised he didn’t actually give a flying fuck if anybody saw.
In fact, as he reached out to take Hyunjin’s hand firmly in his own and allowed himself to be pulled out of his seat, off the bus and down the street, Changbin found himself hoping that the whole world had seen them for exactly what they were.
It took three attempts for Hyunjin to press the elevator button for his floor, and five to get his keys in the front door.
Changbin couldn’t fault him for being nervous. Honestly, it was kind of cute, and Changbin had leaned comfortably into Hyunjin’s side as the other man fumbled to get into his apartment. It distracted Changbin from his own nerves, keeping him in the moment so he didn’t get swept up in his own thoughts. Following Hyunjin inside, Changbin watched Hyunjin kick off his shoes before following suit.
“Roommate up?” Changbin hummed in an attempt to ease the tension - it was palpable , wrapping around his lungs and squeezing tight. The apartment was mostly dark, but a few hints of lamplight, warm and familiar, eked out around a couple of doors.
“Hm? Oh, the lights?” Hyunjin’s voice was a little strained, like the tension had wormed its way into his chest, too. “I leave a couple on when I go out. It’s just me here.” He took a moment, contemplating the floor before letting his gaze rest on Changbin properly for the first time since they’d entered the building. “Just me.” and you.
Something about Hyunjin’s words was heavy, breathless, and it was more than a little catching as Changbin felt all too warm, all of a sudden. “Ah. Got it. Cool.” Changbin got it alright - they were totally alone, he’d gone home with a guy from a club , and while he wasn’t exactly clueless or intimidated, the novelty of the whole experience was certainly...overwhelming in its own way. He focused on the sounds around him to keep himself grounded - distant rushes of cars outside, hums and mutters of televisions in other apartments, the door closing behind them with a-
-BANG.
Changbin found himself backed against the front door, cool metal pressing into his back, Hyunjin’s hands above his shoulders with the keys still jangling in his grip.
Oh. Shit. Fuck.
The fire in Hyunjin’s eyes was back, white-hot and blazing, and Changbin couldn’t look away. For the first time that night, he was pressed against Changbin fully, leaning in so, so close, and it was only his stuttered breaths that betrayed the veneer of confidence and composure.
He wetted his lips nervously, pressing them together before resting his forehead against Changbin’s with a sigh. The click of the door locking, the keys falling to the floor forgotten at their feet, the cars and the televisions and the whole world outside of Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin went unheard, drowned out by Changbin’s heartbeat roaring in his ears, pulse pounding in his throat.
“So.” Hyunjin murmured, bringing his now-free hand to rest on Changbin’s hip. Their close proximity had Changbin fully aware of Hyunjin’s own racing heartbeat, the tremble in his fingertips, the shudder in his breath. Hyunjin really was the full package - hot, funny, sweet, gentle, real - and he wanted Changbin . Holy fucking shit.
Changbin brought his hands up to Hyunjin’s hair, winding his fingertips through the strands to work them loose from the small elastic tie that joined the keys, completely forgotten, on the floor. “So.”
The last of Hyunjin’s restraint seemingly snapped along with the flimsy elastic, and those pretty lips were finally on Changbin’s the way he’d wanted them all evening.
Hyunjin tasted like artificial cherries and pure, unabashed want, and he kissed like maybe he’d been thinking about it all night, too. Eager, earnest, a little messy in a way Changbin couldn’t get enough of. He was so much, so everywhere at once, working his mouth against Changbin’s as the hand on his hip slipped downwards to touch without the pretence of taking Changbin’s phone from his back pocket, this time.
Hyunjin wasn’t a tease, and Changbin liked that. He went for what he wanted - access to Changbin’s mouth to kiss him deeper, deeper, which Changbin readily gave; his hands on Changbin’s body, running over his broad chest, his strong arms, the curve of his waist. Bold, but by no means rushed, humming appreciatively between kisses.
It got Changbin weak at the knees, only his arms looped around Hyunjin’s neck keeping him steady at that point.
“Hyunjin-” he hissed, only to be cut off by another kiss as a shudder coursed through Hyunjin, the other man murmuring say it again against Changbin’s lips. “Hyunjin,” he obliged, tipping his head slightly so Hyunjin’s mouth met his jawline when he leaned in again. “Your room?”
Hyunjin paused, then, mouthing along Changbin’s jaw. “Fuck. Room’s a mess.” Now, Changbin didn’t mind a little mess, and he was pretty sure with Hyunjin close to him like this, he wouldn’t even notice, but in lieu of saying so all that left his mouth as Hyunjin kissed right up his neck was a pathetic whining sort of sound. “Stuff all over the bed.” He nipped lightly at Changbin’s earlobe before whispering directly in his ear, “couch okay?”
“As long as you’re on it.” It was apparently the right thing to say, as the sound it elicited from Hyunjin’s throat was a mixture of a groan and a growl and maybe Changbin was on fire, inside and out. Truthfully, Changbin wasn’t entirely sure where this was going - it was all so, so new to him still - but Hyunjin made it feel so easy, so natural, and Changbin looked forward to figuring it all out.
Where it was going, he may not have known, but for now, it was going to Hyunjin’s couch, thankfully close by and easy to find in the low light.
Hyunjin walked Changbin back towards the couch, backs of his legs bumping into it lightly, and dipped his hands into Changbin’s back pockets again to empty his belongings onto the floor before pushing him into the cushions. He was gentle, playful even, giggling as Changbin tumbled onto the couch, but Changbin couldn’t deny that being manhandled a little had him seriously hot under the collar.
“How are we feeling?” Hyunjin grinned from above him, moving to straddle Changbin’s hips and slipping his hands under Changbin’s shirt. Whether it was what he found there or the feeling of Changbin shifting beneath him that had him shivering with a breathless oh , Changbin needed to hear the sound again. Needed to hear more, needed more of Hyunjin right the fuck now . And Changbin told him as much, at least, he tried - tried as best he could before Hyunjin was yanking his shirt off over his head and hurriedly starting work on his own with trembling hands.
The offending clothing hit the floor, forgotten about like so many other things that night, and once again Changbin’s world ended at Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. His hands tangled in Hyunjin’s hair, Hyunjin’s bare torso pressed against his, Hyunjin’s lips capturing his own once more.
Changbin may have been out of practice, but that didn’t seem to matter to Hyunjin as he took the lead instead, hands and mouth roaming freely over Changbin’s neck, his shoulders, his chest. It was like he knew exactly what to do, exactly how to make Changbin feel good with the kind of quiet ease that could only come with experience, but there was a hint of hesitance too, a little sheepish and shy with every action as he gauged Changbin’s response, and it assured Changbin that they were on the same page.
“Hyunjin-” Changbin gasped, forgetting all his other words under the dual assault of Hyunjin’s fingertips teasing and rubbing over his chest and his mouth very much occupied with nipping and sucking a deep red mark into Changbin’s neck. “God. ”
“Mm~” Hyunjin hummed against Changbin’s skin in lieu of a verbal response, drawing back a little bit to admire his handiwork. God, Hyunjin really was gorgeous, especially above Changbin right now - positively sinful with his hair loose and wild, eyes dark with lust and slurred expletives panted from those plush lips every time Changbin’s hips moved against his. “You look so good,” he murmured, “so, so good.”
“Speak for yourself.” It came out a little more desperate than Changbin would have liked, like a growl ripped from his throat, but that apparently did something for Hyunjin as Changbin caught the end of a breathy oh my god in another kiss. Another. Another.
Changbin’s head was spinning. The sheer want, the need was absolutely overwhelming, and the static under his skin sparked with the knowledge that Hyunjin needed him just as much. Hyunjin was a delight, vocal and encouraging as Changbin returned the favour - a running commentary of please and yes and fuck as red marks bloomed across his neck and collarbone like flowers, like cherries.
Hyunjin needed him. Badly. And like hell if that didn’t make Changbin feel confident.
Hyunjin’s hand dropped to the front of Changbin’s jeans, and he kissed the corner of Changbin’s mouth before pressing their foreheads together, chest rising and falling heavily. “Can I- can I touch you?” Changbin all but forgot how to speak, and could only nod, heart in his throat. “Touch me too. Please. Please.”
Changbin didn’t need to be asked twice, much as he liked to hear it, and fumbled with the fastenings of Hyunjin’s jeans as he pulled at Changbin’s in return.
Had Changbin been capable of thinking coherently, he probably would have wondered how Hyunjin had time to breathe, a desperate, broken mantra of praise and nonsense tumbling from his lips as he fell apart at the seams under Changbin’s touch. Yes, please, yes, more, like that, yes, just like that, please. It bypassed Changbin’s ears and went directly south, and only spurred him on more to give Hyunjin what he wanted. What he needed. Please. So good. You’re so good. Please-!
He was beautiful. Fuck. He was so beautiful, panting and gasping as he came undone.
To think that it had been a series of impulsive decisions that led Changbin here, pressed into the cushions of an unfamiliar couch as the most gorgeous man on the planet kissed him deeply, desperately, had him practically seeing stars from Hyunjin’s touch. The decision to be honest with his friends, to pick that bar on that particular night, to call out to the beautiful stranger sitting alone, to tell Chan he didn’t need a ride home.
Maybe, Changbin was learning, it was best to follow his heart.
“Hyunjin-” he wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, but Hyunjin seemed to know, anyway, from the way Changbin could feel his lips curving into a smile from where they’d been trailing down his neck. He continued, focused, flawless. “Fuck, Hyunjin- ”
It was more than Changbin could take, and he gave in to the feeling, sounds he never knew he could make ripped unbidden from his throat before Hyunjin sealed their mouths together, as if to capture them for himself. Raw pleasure shot through Changbin’s every nerve, and there to hold him together as he fell apart was Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.
Maybe he was the emotional type, maybe he was just a little overwhelmed, but Changbin didn’t even have it in him to feel self-conscious as Hyunjin picked up the pieces and put him back together piece by piece, sealed with cherry kisses.
“You know,” Hyunjin began after a while, still a little breathless. “I was gonna ask you on a date first. Something cute to sweep you off your feet. Brunch or something.”
It was hard to believe that the Hyunjin serenely carding his hands through Changbin’s hair now was the same Hyunjin from just moments before, panting and pleading and just as otherworldly as he was right now, but in a totally different way. He looked angelic, almost, in the hints of lamplight from elsewhere in the apartment.
It was hard to believe they were still on the same couch, even, albeit cleaned up a little.
“I’m still down for brunch,” he murmured, and that seemed to be the right answer as Hyunjin pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Or you know, whatever, as long as it’s you.”
“We could make it breakfast if you want to stay over - there’s a sweet little place just around the block.”
That sounded good to Changbin. Almost as good as letting Hyunjin lead him by the hand to one of the lamplit rooms and, after only teasing him a little bit for the whole wardrobe’s worth of clothing that needed removing from it first, tumbling into his bed together, jeans and accessories and such abandoned somewhere along the way. ( I wasn’t planning on bringing someone home! a flustered Hyunjin had insisted, and Changbin assured him that it was fine, really. My room is probably worse than yours right now .)
Almost as good, but not quite, as Hyunjin’s voice whispering hey, you’re really cute, you know? as Changbin curled up under the comforter beside him, reaching out to take his hand.
Changbin hadn’t expected to end up in a sleepy back-and-forth of Twenty Questions with the guy who brought him home, but Hyunjin liked to talk and even now, was full of surprises. Silly things, inconsequential and yet such a window into the Hyunjin who lived in this apartment and slept in this bed, so genuine and so vulnerable as he rocked their joined hands from side to side. What’s your favourite shirt in that pile over there or if you had a tattoo where would you put it or do you see weird shapes in the ceiling? I do.
Sleep caught up with both of them long before either could run out of words, a whispered discussion on who had the cringiest nicknames in high school (Changbin, these things tended to be Changbin) petering out slowly, slowly, Hyunjin’s hold on Changbin’s hand loosening just a little bit.
Free.
Changbin felt free.
Changbin had two new texts the next morning.
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
hope u had a fun night!! text me when u can yeah??
From: GOD SUNGIE
DID U FUCK
Not that Changbin got to them right away - he was a little too occupied across most of the morning to even think about retrieving his phone from where it had been left on Hyunjin’s living room floor the night before.
Now he had his first taste of what it was like, waking up next to a gorgeous guy, Changbin wasn’t sure he could ever go back to denying himself this. Never again.
“Morning~” Hyunjin had hummed, pushing his hair from his face as he did so. God damn, even first thing in the morning, Hyunjin was still so attractive - that’s models for you , Changbin supposed - but the way Hyunjin’s pretty face flushed when Changbin sat up, blanket falling away and his chest on full display, had Changbin feeling like at least a solid 7/10 in the moment, too. “We still on for breakfast?”
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t we be?”
Hyunjin hid his face behind his hand sheepishly. “I slept in my makeup,” he mumbled, as if those statements had anything to do with each other. At least, in Changbin’s mind they didn’t. With mussed hair and smudged eyeliner and a constellation of love bites across his neck and chest, Hyunjin somehow managed to look so sweetly, innocently sleepy yet utterly debauched at the same time. Soft, but alluring.
Models for you.
What had started as a (seemingly, at least) innocent proposition to clean up together had led to them kissing in the shower until the water ran cold; to them stumbling back to Hyunjin’s bed to explore, indulge in each other a little more now they were no longer in a rush. It was nice, with the extra space the bed provided over the couch, the better visibility from the sunlight eking into the room, an all-encompassing warmth and softness, slow, steady rather than frantic.
Needless to say, breakfast quickly turned into brunch, after all.
Changbin finally got around to answering his texts while they were eating. He’d realised quickly why Hyunjin liked the place he’d picked out so much - it was comfortable, cheery, and close to his (and Changbin’s) apartment, but crucially, when Hyunjin reached out to lace his fingers with Changbin’s across the table, a few of the staff had given him knowing - almost proud - smiles as they passed.
Yeah, Changbin could definitely see himself coming back here. Hopefully with Hyunjin in tow, perhaps for the next time that Hyunjin had mentioned when he offered to let Changbin borrow one of his hoodies instead of having to wear his outfit from the previous night.
From: Favouritest Channie Hyung
hope u had a fun night!! text me when u can yeah??
From: Me
Great thanks hyung. Hope you had a good night
From: GOD SUNGIE
DID U FUCK
From: Me
idk that would be kinda gay
“Man, you really do live close by. What are the odds?” Hyunjin had insisted on walking Changbin home, and it really hadn’t been far to walk at all. That said, Hyunjin hadn’t let go of Changbin’s hand the entire time, and with his palm pressed against Changbin’s it felt like time had slowed almost to a stop. Changbin wished it would stop, even just for a minute, so he could enjoy having Hyunjin close to him without the knowledge that it would end soon, sooner and sooner with every step they took towards Changbin’s building. “Should I walk you up?”
“Ah, my roommates are annoying,” he loved them fiercely, but it was true. Changbin wasn’t sure if he could subject Hyunjin to the inevitable well-meaning interrogation that would ensue the moment he stepped through the door, especially when Changbin was wearing someone else’s clothes. Speaking of- “and yeah, who’d have thought? It’ll be easy to get this back to you.”
Hyunjin pouted a little as they came to a stop outside Changbin’s apartment block. “I hope you’re not thinking that’s the end of it. I want to see you again. Like, a lot.”
One of the many things Changbin had come to adore about Hyunjin in the short time they’d known each other was how earnest he was, how he got straight to the point when it came to what he wanted. It tied Changbin’s stomach in knots, and made him a little brave or maybe just a little stupid. Maybe both.
“I’d like that too,” he grinned, looping his arms around Hyunjin’s waist and meeting his gaze with purpose. “A lot.”
It was their most chaste kiss so far, a simple touch of lips on the front step of Changbin’s building, and yet it was like nothing else Changbin had experienced. Butterflies in his stomach, heart doing flips, a tremble in his fingertips as they laced together at the small of Hyunjin’s back. He felt like a lovesick teenager, flustered and smitten. And perhaps he was.
“I’ll call you, yeah?” Hyunjin murmured against Changbin’s lips.
“Not if I call you first.”
Hyunjin had kissed him again at that, but as far as Changbin was concerned, the laugh he’d let out before doing so - loud and clear and so carefree - had been its own reward.
Thankfully, the interrogation had to wait until Jisung got home, Changbin’s younger friend apparently still busy with something , as Chan had told him with a waggle of his eyebrows. If Chan had noticed the borrowed hoodie, which was definitely not Changbin’s size or style, he had been kind enough to not say anything about that either, at least for now.
And so Changbin took advantage of his brief reprieve, taking in his own appearance in his bedroom mirror. A hoodie that wasn’t his; a telling bruise peeking from the neckline; a lazy smile on his lips that he hadn’t even realised he was wearing, equal parts exhausted and utterly blissed out. He looked good. He felt good.
He wasn’t sure how or why he’d taken so long to get to this point, but there was no going back now, only forward.
And it felt fantastic.