Chapter Text
Wangji sat on his bed, heart pounding thunderously in his chest.
A combination of shame and eagerness, discomfort and anticipation, embarrassment and a secret thrill rushed through him. It was almost overwhelming, and he absently wondered if this was truly such a good idea.
He'd never attempted anything like this before, and couldn't help feeling that he shouldn't be doing so now. The pervasive feeling of doing something wrong soured what would otherwise likely be an exciting experience. With a shaky breath, he decided to push through it; hopefully soon pleasure would drown it out.
The reading he’d done since Xiongzhang had discovered the deliberate gaps his uncle had left in his education assured him that his urges and desires were in no way strange; were actually unremarkable – expected, even. The automatic physical reactions and responses both to stimuli or for no discernable reason – which Shufu had taught him to be ashamed of and disappointed by his inability to control – were in fact normal, and completely natural functions of his body.
Yet the residual self-loathing he experienced upon waking with sticky sheets, or wrestling with urges and bodily reactions throughout the day persisted.
Included in the literature Xiongzhang had directed him towards to learn everything their uncle kept from him on the topic were suggestions for consciously achieving release on one's own. Embarrassed and ashamed by how enticing he'd found the prospect, he’d initially chosen to ignore those. The Cold Springs cooled his ardour enough for him to deal with his… his – problems – without compromising his chastity and mental purity in any way.
However the explanation that doing so allowed the body some relief from the symptoms and made it easier to manage them the rest of the time was too attractive a possibility to completely dismiss. And the text had informed him that this was the only to avoid the sticky sheets which still plagued him.
Ultimately, he felt that the discomfort brought on by the loss of control and lingering mental associations – despite having learned better by now, the instinctual misery brought on Shufu’s disappointment and admonishments was an ingrained reaction that did not fade so swiftly – outweighed the awkwardness of attempting this manner of dealing with the problem.
While still accompanied by feelings of guilt, they were less than those that were brought on by his uncontrolled emissions while he slept.
This solution was therefore practical and expedient; he was not indulging himself for the sake of hedonistic pleasure, only attending to a physical need in the most efficient and logical manner. Wangji was quite confident that he would be able to do so quickly and perfunctorily without disgracing himself or slipping into licentiousness.
So he raised trembling hands to the fastening of his robes, drew in a deep breath, and methodically began removing them. When he had stripped down to bare skin, he averted his eyes and neatly folded his clothes. He set them aside, trying not to dwell too deeply on what he was about to do.
Situating himself on his bed, he sat up for now, legs straightened out in front of him.
He set a bottle of oil he'd managed to procure on the bed beside himself where it would be within easy reach. It contained muscle relaxing and mild pain-relieving properties, which would soothe aches and pains when rubbed into the tissues of the body. Though it was primarily meant for massage, he had surreptitiously confirmed that it was also safe for internal use – not intended for ingestion, naturally; but it was considered acceptable for use in other internal applications.
Thus, it was quite suited to serving any and every purpose which he might decide to use it for.
Closing his eyes for the moment, he centered himself; attempting to reach a mental state similar to meditation before he would begin. It was his intention that this would prove to be a learning experience for himself; educational, fulfilling, and conducted without any unnecessary dwelling on impure thoughts. Which was why maintaining a calm, controlled state of mind would be crucial to achieving release without any impropriety.
Steadying himself, he gazed down at his body, for the first time lingering as he looked.
He felt a vague interest as he stared at it, examining himself somewhat clinically; assessing and comparing to the pictures and descriptions from the volume he’d found and studied on anatomy.
A blush stole over his features at the memory.
Pushing it away, he focused himself on his current task.
Long legs stretched out before him; pale and covered with a light coat of fine dark hairs. He swept his eyes over them from feet to hips.
There was a degree of fascination in the way he looked at them, skating calloused fingertips across his skin. Alternating between soft and firm movements and pressure as he slowly ran his hands along the length and breadth of them. Cataloguing their appearance and the feel of them; both the way the shape and texture of them felt underneath his hands, and the electric sensation of touch.
It was different from the careless, abstract feel of his absent touches while bathing or dressing; this was deliberate and assessing, performed with intent, for no purpose other than to learn about his body and experiment with it.
Reaching for the bottle of oil he’d managed to procure, he poured a small measure into his palm.
He started at his feet, deciding he might as well be thorough.
They were bare and clean from the bath he'd taken before beginning his nightly routine. Somewhat broad and bulky; with long, knobbly toes and smooth arches, lightly dusted with hair. The soles and heels were thicker, rougher; calloused from use. Rather limber and almost elegant in appearance, they allowed him to move about with the silent gracefulness he demanded of himself with unconscious ease.
They were just feet; ordinary, but steady and sure; appearing neither deformed nor deficient in any way. Pale like the rest of him, but slightly darker on the bottom where the stiffer, more leathery skin was. There they appeared a more ruddy, almost brownish shade. Their proportions appeared quite normal; perhaps a little large, but not strangely so. There was nothing unsightly or disturbing about them; though he didn't find them particularly exciting, either. They smelled vaguely of the sandalwood oils and herbal soaps he used in bathing.
He flexed them and wiggled his toes, gripping them firmly while watching and feeling how they tensed and relaxed with his movements.
The feel of the oil sinking into them as he rubbed it in thoroughly was incredibly pleasant. In fact, he had not realised how sore they had become over the years simply from everyday use until they began to experience the relief provided by his current activities.
Privately, he resolved to practice this technique each night he could after bathing.
He moved on to his ankles; sturdy and a little thick as they rose up from his feet towards his calves, with jutting bones at the joints. Giving them a small squeeze, he registered the tendons and bone beneath the skin, rotating them a bit to feel how they shifted. Once again, the soothing feeling that resulted from the oil absorbing into his skin was incredibly pleasing to experience.
Dragging his hands up across his calves slowly, he ran his hands up and down the length of them; squeezing them, lifting and bending his legs as he held them in his palms to feel the way his muscles moved. Also enjoying the sensation of the oil sinking into them; the easing of the everyday tension he carried with him consistently providing him with a vague feeling of pleasure and relaxation.
Next, he found himself curiously comparing the front, back, and sides of his lower legs.
Still pale in colour, though the hair which covered them was slightly darker; a bit longer and a little more widespread. The bone at the front of his lower leg felt long and smooth beneath his skin. His calves were firmly muscled; hard with corded strength.
Applying the oil to them was made somewhat awkward by his body hair; he had to spend a little more time working it in to prevent the hair from holding it.
His knees were boney; though less pronouncedly so than his ankles. Their undersides were soft and slightly sensitive. He found himself leaning back in order to examine them properly; holding them at his bent knees and slowly raising and lowering his legs and feet, one at a time to study the movements under his skin. Stroking them softly, he found he liked the sensation as he trailed his fingers up the back of his calves and down the backs of his thighs.
It made him shiver, just a bit.
Absently, he realised he had been mentally going over the labels of various body parts and names of the internal parts which he'd learned from the anatomy book as he traced them. It helped keep him focused, and aided in his memorization of his own form and the different reactions each area of his body experienced to being touched; so he decided to continue.
He lay back fully in order to be more comfortable as he continued up his body.
Thighs were next; they were more thickly muscled, firm and strong and toned. Still pale, with a fine layer of body hair. It was just slightly sparser and thinner there than on his lower legs.
As he slid his hands up the length of them, his breathing deepened slightly in response to the more sensitive skin they reached.
Working the oil into them made his eyes flutter shut, breath catching as he dug his fingers in and slowly covered them front to back, gradually moving closer and closer to his torso. He experimented a bit with different touches; hard and light, firm, swift motions, and slow and soft. The sensation of trailing his fingertips up and down his inner thighs, nails just skating over the skin without catching on it made a low heat start to simmer in his belly.
Heat which increased as he reached his hips, careful to stay closer to his sides for now; smoothing his palms up and down his outer thighs, from his knees up over his hip-bones and back down again, splaying his thumbs out and inwards he slid his hands back down, shivering at the increasing tension.
Pausing to add more oil to his now-nervous hands, he lay back again and bent his knees, letting them fall open for better access.
Reaching between them, he started at the tops of his inner thighs, moving on to the back of them, then twisting round to the front, and out to the sides, until he'd completely coated their entire circumference. Slowly working his way around them, massaging the oil into the muscles front to back, gradually moving upwards towards the apex of his thighs. He shuddered as his fingers brushed over the creases between his thighs and his groin, running his hands back and forth over the join between legs and torso.
Laying his hands flat on his pelvis, thumbs touching beneath his navel, fingers splayed on either side of his groin; not quite touching that part of himself just yet. He dug his fingers into his skin, pressing down firmly as he moved them over the surface. The tease of it pulled a gasp from him, and his cock twitched where it hung between his legs, nearly fully hard.
Careful to avoid touching it, he pulled his knees up, reaching back to work the oil into his buttocks and running his fingers teasingly along the crease between them. His body giving a subtle jerk as the tips of his fingers teased a over his hole and up over his taint. He swept them back down, grasping a cheek firmly in each hand as he worked the oil into them, before pulling his hands back and closing his legs; keeping his knees up against his chest as he reached around the outside of his legs to finish massaging the rest of them, sliding his hands up, over, and out from his lower back.
Making his way over his sides and across his abs, continuing to massage himself until he ran out of oil.
He sat up while he retrieved more of it, than continued to massage his front, across his belly and up to his chest. Thumbs brushing across his nipples, causing his breaths to stutter unexpectedly. With a mental note to come back to them, he continued to spread oil over the rest of his torso.
His cock jutted out from between his legs now; long and thick and full. Dark and red, with a slightly purple head peeking out from under the foreskin. His balls hung heavy and swollen below.
For now, he planned to ignore it. Once he had finished mapping the rest of his body, he would return.
Eyes closed, he basked in the sensation of pampering himself as he worked the oil into his torso, all over.
Arms twisted behind himself, reaching for his back, utilising his arm strength to release the tension he found there.
Moving them back to his front, running his hands up over his shoulders and down his upper back.
Across, up to the back of his neck, digging his fingers in and moving them in small circles as they eased tension he didn't even know he had. Cupping his hands around the back of his neck as he massaged it, he let out a low groan; unable to hold the sound back in the face of something that felt so unspeakably good.
He found himself somewhat impatient as he rubbed down his arms, however; his arousal had been building too much for too long, and he was eager to move on.
So he merely gave his arms a quick massage; just enough to work the oil into them swiftly, but without paying as much attention to them as he'd intended to.
After all, he fully intended to repeat this experience again; he could start with them next time.
Finally, finally, it was time.
With a shaky breath, he laid back down, stretching himself out across the bed before he reached down to begin teasing his fingers along his groin once again.
Lightly, very lightly, he allowed them to brush over it, his whole body shuddering at the sensation of them gliding around and over his cock. Of trailing them around it, rubbing circles into the creases of his hip bones, breath quickening and his long, thick cock leaking all over his belly.
Reaching down and tugging at his sack, cupping it in his hands and rolling his balls between his fingers.
He was breathing heavily now, and precome was steadily pooling on his stomach.
At last, he slowly took himself in hand. Gasping at the first ever conscious touch to his cock.
A moan spilled from his lips as he grasped himself more firmly and began to stroke. Hips bucking in reaction to the pleasure that shot through him like waves of electricity and heat.
His toes curled.
By now, he'd been reduced to full-on panting; his arousal spinning higher and higher, filled with more and more tension as he became more and more desperate to come.
So far, he'd been holding himself back; building his arousal without being overtaken by it through sheer force of will, aided by his previous exercises in control and the strict discipline he maintained over his body.
But now he couldn't hold back much longer.
His hand sped up, squeezing tightly as he pulled on his length, nearly choking at how incomparably good it felt.
Unbidden, a memory of a mischievous smile accompanied by laughing silver eyes flashed through his mind. With a sharp twist of his wrist, his balls drew up and he came all over himself with a hoarse cry; sparks firing in his vision and euphoria rushing through him like nothing he'd ever felt before.
Body spasming with the intensity of his completion; shaking from the force of his release, he lay flat on his back, spent and sated.
The strength of his orgasm had sent his mind blank, his head completely empty of thoughts as he trembled through the aftershocks. All he was really aware of was the sense of awe he felt; the satisfaction and pleasure that filled him so completely he could not even register anything else.
He had no idea how long he was lying there, unmoving, breathing heavily and staring sightlessly up the ceiling of the Jingshi.
Eventually, awareness trickled back in, though his thoughts were slow and sluggish.
Wangji still felt as if he were floating on a wave of bliss, even as his heated body cooled and his breaths evened out.
It wasn't until after he rose, absently reaching for the cloth he'd prepared beforehand to clean himself, that it occurred to him that he'd come so powerfully to the mental image of Wèi Yīng.
After a moment of wrestling with the shame and guilt that accompanied that realisation, he shook his head and dismissed it firmly. Reminded himself that he was a novice to this method of self-care, and that in the end, all things improved with practice.
He would simply have to do better next time.