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Matthew Rosanna Holt was a victim of unrequited love. A victim of a broken heart. He wasn't an affectionate person, he never was when it came to romance. But it was different when it was Mr Takashi Shirogane. Shiro was his weak spot, ever since they had met Shiro was one of his very few weak spots. His family was one of the other few spots, but that wasn't the point. The point is that Shiro was Matt's weak spot. He loved him with all his heart, and that love was going to be his downfall. Shiro was going to be the death of him. And because of that weakness, Matt had made an irreversible mistake. And that terrified him to no end. He was afraid of when everything came to light.
Matt was never social unless it was during his classes, or if he liked you. He was different when he was a kid. He was arguably the most social kid in his class. But that had changed when he entered college. Everyone always said that you get to be yourself in college, but that was a lie. Matt was no longer himself. When he entered the university for the first time he immediately became a different person. though that problem could have spawned because of Takashi.
They were fuck buddies. That was all Matt could explain it as. And the knowledge of this fact was what hurt Matt the most. So he ignored it for as long as he could. How long would he pretend he wasn't a horrible person? Matt didn't know this answer, and it ate at him every day.
Matt was a lovesick fool. He hated that he allowed himself to act like this. He hated that no matter what, he couldn't stop doing anything for Shiro. Anything at all, he'd let himself rot away if the other so desired. He knew that his story wasn't a romance. He knew that he wasn't going to end up with the lover at the end of the tale. He wasn't Odysseus. His tale was more of a tragedy, he was Euridice. He would never have that happiness.
Matt was made of stone. Maybe he was more made of glass, one wrong move and he'd shatter. And that's what would happen each time he saw that the other man had left the bed cold. Matt had to pretend everything was okay. He had to pretend he was fine, that he was okay with being a walking sex toy. He always had to remind himself he was nothing to the other.
The man who fucked with Matthew, both figuratively and literally, never stayed after the deed was done. He always took his time, but eventually, he would rush out of the room. Like his pants were on fire. Or... maybe like he had a ring in his pocket. Maybe the weight of that ring is why he always ran out a little while after he was done.
Matt knew he was being used. He knew this but he still let himself be a moth to a flame. Maybe he was Icarus. Flying too close to the sun. Maybe he was more like Aristaeus, chasing after something he could never obtain.
Matt never asked for the other to stay. Never let himself slip up and ask the other to stay for a while longer. It would ruin their relationship, and Matt needed to keep it going. He had to let it happen so he could pretend it didn't. He needed to let it happen so, when he saw the other in the daylight, he could pretend that they were only best friends.
Matt was never the Starring Role in Takashi Shirogane's heart. He never would be. The only time he ever came close to being the guiding star is when they were teenagers. But the other had found someone else to love. His first love, Allura. That was before Shiro realized that he wasn't into women. But, Matt acted like he was happy for Shiro. He had even gone on to date a lovely girl named Romelle. He did it to hide his feelings, just as he had done all his life. All of their friendship. Matt wasn't dumb, he knew he was slowly killing himself each time he thought about the other in any light that wasn't friendly.
Matt was done with having the supporting role. Matt deserved more, more than what Shiro could give him. Matt deserved something more for acting like a 50s housewife, doing the others bidding without complaint. No matter how he felt, or what his mind was telling him. So, he stopped answering Shiro's texts. More the booty calls, he still answered the normal texts. Matt went weeks without getting a normal text from the other. But the pings were like music to him now. He let them sing to their heart's content. Matt wanted to be alone, and he was. He wanted to let himself believe he had control of his feelings. Or at least that he was trying to learn how to control his emotions.
All of his work proved useless when he saw Shiro for the first time in months. He found himself in Shiro's bedroom this time. He caught himself staring at the others ceiling, decorated with photos he would rather not see right now. A happy couple grinning at the camera in almost all of the photos. He wanted to leave, he was already silently crying. But he couldn't move, the other had his arm slung over him. He was trapped, but he enjoyed the view. Shiro looked at peace. Matt had no idea why.
Matt tried to tell the other they couldn't do this anymore. That he couldn't come to the other at his beck and call. That he needed to stop calling for hookups. But Matt was a fool. A fool that needed to stop drinking, he makes stupid mistakes when he's drunk. So, he once again found himself gazing at photos of the engaged couple. Each time he saw Adam's grinning face, within the photos or real life, the only emotion he felt was guilt.
But when he told Adam what was happening, all he did was smile and reassure him that he knew. That made Matt feel worse like he was dirty. No matter what Matt did, all he felt was filthy. He scrubbed his skin raw one day, but he still felt like there was dirt under his skin.
All Matt wanted to be was someone's Starring Role, not to persuade Adam to break up with Shiro. But that what happened anyways. God did Matt feel shitty for his actions.
Fuck, All He Wanted To Be Was Important.