Chapter Text
In hindsight, Ben thinks, he has no idea how everything could happen just the way it did. But he knows why. Joe.
“C’mon, Ben, let me set you up, I’ll find the perfect partner for, even if it’s going to be just for one night”, Joe whines and sounds about a quarter of his actual age.
Ben sighs. They have been having this discussion for 20 minutes now.
“I don’t want to mindlessly hook up with somebody at your wedding, Joe, that’s stupid. Can’t you be happy that every bit of my attention will be directed at you and Rami?”
“Well, it always should be, thank you very much. But my attention will be on Rami and the gazillion guests, I don’t want you to be lonely.”
“I won’t be lonely, all of my friends will be there”, Ben takes a sip from his coffee and holds his finger up to stop Joe from talking, “And despite all of them being in a relationship I still won’t be lonely or desperate or anything.”
“Sure”, Joe scoffs, “You’ll be just as not lonely and not desperate as you were at Polly’s wedding. Remember Polly’s wedding?”
Ben groans.
He does, or rather he doesn’t. Polly’s wedding had found him newly single and thoroughly heartbroken which was why he had made it his mission to take as much advantage of the free alcohol as possible, which in turn had left Joe and Rami with the duty of taking care of him during most of the evening.
After puking his guts out and going nearly blind with the hangover, he had gifted Joe and Rami a brunch in a posh restaurant to atone for his sins and while both have forgiven him, Joe still likes to use this particular instance as the leading example as to why Ben can absolutely not go to a wedding or similar function on his own.
“Also, you have to bring a date to sit at our table so that there’s an even number there.”
“That’s bullshit, Joe.”
“Hey, it’s not me who’s saying that, it’s the wedding planner. Apparently uneven numbers bring bad luck. And don’t you want to sit at my table, with me, you very, very, very best friend?”, Joe bats his eyes at him and looks more like one of those creepy dolls with moving eye lids than anything else.
“If you had made me your best man, I wouldn’t have to need an excuse to sit at your table!”
Ouch. That was low and Ben regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.
“I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t mean it like that. I know why you made John your best man, and I understand it”, he carefully reaches over to squeeze Joe’s arm.
“It’s fine”, he says, but it sounds clipped, “I’ll go and get another round of coffee.”
Ben sighs and tiredly scrubs his hands over his face. He didn’t mean to make Joe angry, really, he’s just so damn over talking about his hopeless love life, especially when Joe should be concentrating on things far more important, namely his own wedding.
But then again, Joe’s not wrong, Ben is shit at going to weddings single, he does not enjoy being alone when surrounded by couples, that are all talking about moving in together, traveling together, getting married or having kids. And it is completely understandable that Joe does not want his day to end in disaster just because Ben does not have his shit together. If Joe just could stop nagging Ben about it, it would be a lot easier to make Rami and Joe as the happy couple Ben’s focus and not his distinct lack of romantic endeavors.
So, what if…? What if he could throw Joe off? Just a little white lie to get this ridiculous man to actually concentrate on his wedding? It would not hurt anyone, saying he has a boyfriend but that the relationship is still too new to be subjected to the wedding of his best friend.
Ben’s eyes fall to Joe at the counter who’s checking his phone and behind him… Gwil. He knows the barista a little, Joe, Rami and Ben come to this coffee shop fairly often and Gwil always looks out for them as his regulars, he knows their orders, he actually sees when they had a shitty day and always adds a biscuit or scone to their drinks when it happens.
And he is exceptionally good looking. Sharp cheekbones, long, slim legs, a charming smile and beautiful eyes. Judging objectively of course. Ben has never met anyone who did not gush about Gwil after seeing him for the first time.
So, what if he would just… no, that is a stupid idea, he can’t just say that he’s dating Gwil, what if Joe would just go straight up to him and ask? What if Gwil is in a relationship already and Joe knows about that?
Yeah, no, it wouldn’t work, it is a dumb thought and incredibly hurtful to both Joe and Gwil. You don’t go around telling lies like that.
“You know, Sami mentioned a childhood friend of Rami and him being single again and the guy will be at the wedding too”, Joe begins again when he comes back to the table like Ben hasn’t just been the biggest prick ever, “I mean, if you are okay with sitting at the singles’ table, then we could place you beside each other, just to get to know each other, of course-“
And Joe just continues to go on about this and as much as Ben loves his friend, he’s through with this topic and at this point and his next action will be either to cry or to throw something, which is both definitely not appropriate, so he intervenes before it can get really ugly.
“Joe! Joe, just stop for a second, okay? I- Technically, I can’t sit at the singles’ table.”
“That’s ridiculous. You don’t have to talk anyone if you don’t want to and-“
“No, Joe, I can’t sit at the singles table because I’m technically not single”, okay, fuck, he’s really doing this, there’s no turning back now.
Joe narrows his eyes at him. “What do you mean technically not single? Benny, is there something you haven’t told me, do you have a secret??”
He leans so far over the table he’s right up in Ben’s face, who leans back and brushes his fingers through his hair.
“I mean, no, not really. Or it’s not really worthy of being called a secret yet”, he pushes out a breath feeling how he starts to sweat because he’s lying to Joe and because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, “It’s just very new, but I have good feeling and I don’t want it to end before it’s really started, okay? So, please, Joe, can you please not make a big deal out of it?”
Joe’s eyes are glittering, and his grin has a bit of a shark-ish note.
“Joe, please.”
“Alright, alright”, he raises his hands in an apologetic gesture, “I won’t, don’t worry, but only if you tell me who it is.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“Say it, Ben. You know I won’t stop until you say it.”
“You’re a child”, he groans. Ben knows Joe won’t let up and this thing will probably be even worse than the setting-Ben-up thing. He desperately looks around the room to catch a random name he can just throw in the ring to get Joe off his back, and there’s Gwil again clearing a table, and, fucking hell, he catches his eye and smiles.
And Joe sees it.
Shit. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Joe slams his fist on the table. “It’s Gwil?!?”
“Shh, fuck, Joe, shut up!!”
“It’s Gwil?!”, Joe shout-whispers. He looks at Ben as if he just told him that pigs can actually fly and do so pretty frequently. “Are you serious? Gwilym, the sexy barista? Ben, you’re shitting me.”
“Jeez, thanks, Joe, great to know that you think I couldn’t land him.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that”, he sits back up again and watches Gwil for second, then shakes his head. “You might just be the luckiest man on earth.”
“Says the man who’s ought to marry the love of his life in a few weeks?”
“Rami and I don’t count, we would make everyone else look pathetic”, Joe starts to grin again, and Ben gets a bad, bad feeling in his stomach. “But this is perfect! We can invite Gwil to the wedding, I mean, he basically witnessed our whole relationship and he knows us, it wouldn’t even be awkward! Oh please, Ben, you have to bring him!”
Joe’s right, Gwil has witnessed all the highs and lows of the Malek-Mazzello epic, their first date, Joe telling Ben about it, Ben meeting Rami, their first fight and basically everything up to them mulling over the wedding, which they did at the café more often than not.
Shit. Ben really should’ve thought about this more.
“I don’t think-“
“Oh c’mon. Ben, please. It could be your first romantic getaway together! And it’s still almost two months until the wedding, enough time to get comfortable with each other!”, Joe seems so taken by the idea, Ben feels extra bad for lying to him.
“Exactly! It’s still almost two months! Enough time for something to go terribly wrong!”
“Benny-boy, don’t talk like that!”
Joe slips into the chair beside Ben and wraps an arm around his shoulders.
“Gwil’s a great guy, we both know that. Maybe just ask him if he wants to come to the stag do? As a night out, no pressure, and then Rami and I could ask him if he wants to come to Ireland. He’s not one of those assholes, who say they need ‘space’ and ‘everything’s going too fast’ and then ghost you, he’s not like that”, he presses a kiss to Ben’s temple and Ben feels his cheeks heating up in shame.
Joe’s done so much for him, has picked him up again and again and again when Ben’s flings and tries at romance never even came close to the relationship phase because Ben’s ‘just not their type’ or ‘too clingy’ or because they thought that ‘he knew that this was nothing serious’. Joe’s been there through all of that and even comforts him when he has far more important things to do and here’s Ben lying to his best friend.
What a huge prick he is.
Gwil is just about done with cleaning the milk frother when the bell over the entrance door announces another visitor. He groans quietly, it’s cold, dark and wet outside and he really wants to get to his bed at a reasonable time since Elle said she wouldn’t make it to her shift tomorrow and Nick can’t brave the morning rush by himself.
Normally, he doesn’t mind stragglers, the ones who make it home only late and maybe want something hot to warm up or sweet for their dinner. Making a tea doesn’t take much time and Gwil gets to sell his leftovers instead of throwing them away, but he’s really, really not in the mood to stay any longer than necessary today.
He turns to tell the customer that but stops halfway. It’s Ben.
Ben with droplets of rain in his curls, with cheeks reddened from the wind outside and a shy smile. Gwil feels a bit hot under his apron.
It’s not a new feeling, that. Ben’s been coming here for years, first alone, then with Joe and finally with Joe and Rami, who often bring his brother and other friends. And no matter that this whole group of friends, for whatever reason, is insanely good-looking, it’s always been Ben who makes Gwil’s heart beat just a bit faster.
He knows it’s wrong and weird and a bit creepy to lust over a customer like that, so Gwil’s been careful to keep his thoughts and feelings close. Not even his coworkers know about it and they have all immersed themselves knee-deep into his love life, not that he actually wants that.
But no matter what time of day, what weather, what day, what mood Ben’s in, Gwil can’t help but putting a bit extra care into making his coffee, having a blueberry scone already on a plate when he sees Ben being tired or sad, or just lending him a bit more of his time.
It’s pathetic, he knows that, but, fuck, Gwil can’t just stop liking Ben, no matter how hard he tries.
“Hey”, Ben starts, his voice a bit raspy, “I’m not interrupting, am I?”
Gwil smiles. “No, of course not, I’m just finishing up. No scones left over today though, sorry.”
“Huh? Oh, uh, that’s not why I’m here”, Ben laughs a bit, “But thanks. For offering, I mean.”
He wrings the beanie in his hands and Gwil can see his shoulders move when he takes a deep breath and then steps up to the counter.
“Listen, uh, I-I messed up big time today and I would totally understand if you never wanted to see me again here o-or anywhere, really.”
Poor beanie, Gwil thinks, Ben’s grip is so hard his knuckles are stark white against the dark fabric. But he’s also nervous about what Ben is going to say, what could possibly be as bad that Gwil should ban Ben from the café?
“I’m sure it’s not that bad”, he calms him, nevertheless.
Ben bites his lip.
“Just wait until you hear it. Uhm”, he clears his throat, “Today, I kinda told Joe that we’re, ah, dating?”
What?
“What?”, Gwil echoes his own thought dumbly.
What? But why? And really, if Ben wanted to date him, all he had to do is ask!
“I am so, so sorry, Gwil, really. I don’t want to hurt you or embarrass you or anything, it’s just—Joe’s been unbearable these last weeks about how I need someone to bring to the wedding and someone to date in general, but I really don’t want to but he doesn’t want to understand that and just keeps bringing it up and I think he has a folder on his phone with potential dates for me and I’m just so tired of it, of the discussion and of dating in general, it never leads to anything and I just wanted him off my back. I’m truly sorry, Gwil, to have pulled you into this. I didn’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”
Okay, that was… a lot. Gwil’s not sure if he’s ever heard Ben talking that much. But as confusing that confession might have been, Gwil understands what he means. Hell, he has been sitting in the front seat of the reality show that is Ben’s dating life for some years now, and it’s been depressing, not just because it was never Gwil sitting across Ben.
Of the numerous figures the blonde has brought to the café, maybe a handful had come around a second time, even less for a third or fourth time. Gwil understands why Ben doesn’t want to date anymore. Hell, he doesn’t want to date after only thinking of it.
And Gwil knows how obnoxious Joe can be. He’s Ben’s best friend, a true one, but that doesn’t change that he’s a child when he wants his way with something, especially when it concerns Ben’s emotional wellbeing.
“I- But- What exactly have you told Joe, if I may ask?”, Gwil feels a bit faint. This is certainly something.
“Well, he wanted to place me at the singles’ table besides some guy that’s also there alone and then I said I couldn’t sit at the singles’ table because I’m not really single and then he just wouldn’t stop asking who I was talking about so I tried to think of a random name and looked around, but you looked at me and smiled, so Joe concluded that it’s you and I didn’t see a point in trying to convince him that it’s not you”, Ben is still standing a few feet away from the counter and with Gwil leaning against the one on the other side, he can’t quite see Ben’s face in the dim light.
“Then he started to go on about how this is perfect and that you absolutely need to come to the wedding, and I couldn’t convince him that that is a bad idea. I feel so bad for lying to him, Gwil. And that I pulled you into that.”
“Huh”, Gwil says and leaves it at that. Ben didn’t actually say they are a couple, Joe just assumed, and Ben didn’t correct him, which, if Gwil is honest to himself, he probably wouldn’t have done either if he had been in Ben’s place. “I think we need some tea.”
“So”, Gwil places their cups on the table nearest to the counter and sits down in the chair across from Ben, who’s hunched over his cup and looks positively miserable, “What do you want to do now?”
Ben looks up, clearly surprised.
“I- I’m not sure. I don’t want to go on lying to Joe, but I can’t get him to stop worrying and concentrating on his wedding if I tell him. But if I keep lying, he’ll be so angry and disappointed and I really don’t want to mess up our friendship with some bullshit like this”, he lets his head fall forward into his hands and groans.
At the same time, Gwil’s thoughts are racing. He really wants to help Ben, seeing him distraught like this is terrible, but Ben brought some good points forward. Gwil doesn’t want to be complicit in Ben messing up his friendship with Joe just as much as Ben doesn’t want it to come that.
But Gwil also knows how truly shitty it feels to be single at a romantic function (and he imagines that being at your best friend’s wedding is even worse, no matter how genuinely happy you are for them) and how badly it can hurt to be reminded of the own loneliness over and over again and to be stuck together with other single people in a desperate attempt to (what feels like) shut them up and be lonely together without dragging down all the actually happy people around.
Logically, he’s aware of how messed-up it would be if he’d agree to help Ben with this and pose as his boyfriend, no matter how long. He would tease himself with the possibility of having Ben and then rip it out if his own hands and with it probably the ability of looking at and behaving around Ben normally ever again.
He likes him, Ben is funny and thoughtful and considerate. He doesn’t buy into this stereotypical masculinity crap and loves his friends fiercely and fully. He’s polite too, Gwil’s seen it, no matter how bad the date, Ben always tries to close on a positive note, tries to be as friendly as possible. Not to mention his looks.
Gwil catches sight of the clock and sighs a bit. He wanted to be in bed by now, or at least half asleep in front of the TV. Instead he finds himself caught up in quite the predicament that doesn’t seem to have a solution that leaves them all happy.
“You did what?!”, Phoebe raises her head so fast, she loses her grip on the mat and slips out of her downward facing dog and faceplants into the ground with a muffled ‘Umpff’.
With her gone Gwil can see the stunned faces of Charity and Sasha.
“Why the hell would you agree to fake-date the man you’re in love with?!”, Charity hisses and their yoga instructor coughs to reprimand them for their interruptions.
“I’m not in love with Ben!”, Gwil argues, or at least he tries to, he’s not sure if his whispers reach them.
Well, Phoebe could hear him, but she just rolls her eyes.
“Yeah, and Catherine the Great didn’t actually fuck a horse, come on!”, she resumes her position, but a bit closer to him. “Why did you do it? Do you think this could grow into something real?”
“It’s not like that”, he says, “He just needed help and he was desperate.”
“Gwil, you’re a grade A masochist. He’s just playing you! With the number of guys he’s been at the café with, I really doubt he can’t scrunch up someone to accompany him to some stupid wedding.”
It’s obvious that Phoebe doesn’t like Ben very much. What’s more surprising though, is that, apparently, nearly if not all of his co-workers know of his… infatuation with Ben.
“It’s not just some wedding”, Gwil counters vehemently, “It’s his best friend’s wedding who is continuously nagging him about being single at the wedding and in general. It sucks, trust me, I know.”
“But he’s just using you!”
“Well, and even if he does, I’m getting two season passes for Blackheath FC and maybe even a free weekend at a lovely place in Ireland out of it.”
“So, you’re selling yourself, is that-“
There’s another cough, louder this time, and Phoebe and Gwil hesitantly raise their heads to look around the studio. Everyone else has moved on to the warrior while they are still in the dog position and have their instructor standing in front of their mats with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow.
“Please, Gwil”, Charity almost begs when they’re outside in front of the studio, “Think about it. You barely know him and he’s lying to his best friend, this can only end in total disaster.”
Phoebe nods, arms crossed and with a stern look on her face, she reminds Gwilym a bit of his mother. Sasha follows the exchange wearing a worried expression.
“I’m just helping him out! And I do know him, thank you very much, he’s been coming to the café for years now. And I know his friends. Why are you all so insistent that he’s a bad person?”, Gwil remains stubborn. He doesn’t get why they are so convinced that this will end in a disaster.
“It’s not that”, Sasha intervenes, “I’m sure he’s perfectly nice. But he has a history and a certain reputation and you, uh, you’ve always liked him quite a bit. We just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Yeah, well, you could all mind your own business, how about that?!”
It’s not fair, it’s not fair that they judge Ben so harshly when they don’t even know him and it’s fucking annoying that they think they can meddle with his life. Gwil is a grown man, he can make his own decisions, and even if he prefers to act indecisive in relation to his love life, he knows what’s best for him there too.
He shoulders his bag and grabs his bike, knowing well that this exit might be a bit overly dramatic, but he is fucking angry and through with this discussion when all he intends to do is to help a mate out, whose reasons to take this drastic step have become even more understandable to Gwil just now.
Ben slips his fingers under his collar and pulls a bit, trying to somehow loosen up the tight shirt a bit, but the shop assistant bats his hands away.
“Stop it! Either you wear it this tight or you’ll get a real tie instead of the air tie.”
Ben huffs a bit, annoyed. The suit is… nice. Dark, well-fitting pants, a pair of black boots, a black shirt and a jacket he’s not sure of what colour. There’s black in there inside a weird pattern…? Point being he’s not used to such a fancy get-up. When Ben wants to put in some effort, what doesn’t happen too often these days, it’s usually a nice pair of pants and a sweater, dress shirt if need be.
And outside of that he’s all sweats and t-shirt, a hoodie and his beanie and he’s ready to go.
“Yes, Ben, and then we’ll put you in that sheer shirt again”, Joe says as he saunters over, already back in charcoal shirt and leather jacket. “Or the pink suit, I quite liked that one.”
“Piss off”, Ben growls and shifts uneasily. He’s not sure how much of his discomfort actually comes from the suit because this fluttering has been in his stomach all day.
It had been Rami’s idea to invite Gwil to dinner with them after the fitting. To get him to know a bit better without having to scream over the thumping bass in some club. Joe, naturally, had been immediately on board and sent Ben multiple badly concealed threats a day until Ben finally scrunched up the courage to ask Gwil to come.
Although it’s not too bad. With Gwil by his side, Ben at least wouldn’t be subjected to the inquisition on his own, no matter that his lie about Gwil had put him into this situation in the first place. They had thought up a backstory of how they started dating and it’s basically just that Ben stayed a bit longer at the café one night and helped with the cleaning which is how they got to talking. Simple, and a bit uninspired, so Ben is relieved to have Gwil with him to think up some details.
“Damn, Hardy, you looking fine”, Sami grins as he comes over from the separated dressing rooms where Rami is trying on his suit, “You wanna impress that boyfriend of yours?”
Ben just groans and starts to shrug off his jacket. “I hate this whole fucking family.”
Joe laughs at that. “Sami, did you hear that? He hates this whole fucking family”, he throws an arm around his almost brother-in-law and squeezes.
“We’ll see about that marrying part, Joe. I bet you’ll faint before Rami even makes it halfway down the aisle with as sharp as he’ll look.”
“No spoilers!”, Joe cries when Ben slips behind a curtain to change. He looks at himself in the mirror and can’t help but to shake his head a bit. His best friend with a mental age of around 12 years is getting married to the love of his life. And he is pretending to be in a relationship with the barista of his favorite café.
“Oh, Beeen”, Joe’s voice grows louder again and moves to his curtain, “Guess who’s heeere.”
Shit. Gwil’s already at the shop. Ben wipes his hands on his pants and pulls the curtain back. Game time.
“Not a word”, he hisses at Joe in passing, who puts his hands up in surrender.
Gwil is standing at the entrance from the shop, his coat with darker patches from the rain outside and dries his glasses with his sleeve. When he hears Ben approaching, he looks up. His hair is a bit windswept and his cheeks are red from the cold, but that just makes his eyes shine even more.
Ben’s a bit speechless.
“I- Hey.”
“Hi”, Gwil smiles, “You look very good.”
“It’s just the- the suit for the wedding, I- thanks”, he finishes lamely. Jesus, this is torture. Is he always like this when interacting with people? No wonder he’s single. Ben hears Joe chuckling behind him, but when he turns around, Sami and he appear to be talking to each other. Bastards.
“Uh, we should probably...”
Ben takes a step towards Gwil, who takes a step back.
“My coat is so wet, and your suit-“
“Oh yeah, of course! Uhm, maybe we could-“
Ben leans forward as if to invite Gwil into a kiss, the taller man bows down a bit and Ben’s thoughts start to race. Is he supposed to kiss him? Would a peck on the lips be okay? Should it be more? Should it be just a kiss on the cheek? Maybe this awkward halfway hug that actually is just them pressing their cheeks together. Would Gwil be okay with this? They never talked about it, how much should they-
But before Ben can come to a sensible conclusion, Gwil’s face is right up in front of his and Ben shuts his eyes and just tries to aim somewhere that is Gwil. His lips come into contact with something and it’s cold, a bit wet and scratchy (it has to be his cheek, right? RIGHT?) and presses a short kiss to it and then stumbles back again.
Gwil looks a bit shocked when Ben opens his eyes, but his eyes fly to Joe for a second, who is of course watching, and his lips pull into a small smile.
They look at each other for a moment, not really knowing what to say, then Ben takes a deep breath. He knows what he’s doing, he’s had relationships before and some of them even met his friends, it’s not that hard.
“Let’s- Let’s go over there, alright?”
Gwil follows him silently and Ben bites his lip wrecking his brain about how they are supposed to pull this off. Should they hold hands? Get out all the PDA? He’s sure Joe will notice that something is off, he’ll find out that Ben is lying, he always knows it and then he’ll be so angry.
They step up to Joe and Sami who watch them with poorly hidden smirks.
“That’s- You already know Gwil, I- I’m gonna go change now.”
So, that went great. Ben pulls the curtain closed behind him and begins to finger at the buttons of his shirt with shaking hands as he hears Joe laughing. This is an absolute shitshow, he’s totally blowing this.
He feels his chest growing tighter with each breath, but the buttons still won’t open. Ben keeps pulling and starts panicking as his heart beats faster and faster. He shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t be lying to his best friends like this, he shouldn’t use Gwil as some sort of prop and-
The curtain opens a bit and Ben wants to growl at Joe to get the fuck out, but it’s Rami, back in his normal clothes, who bats away Ben’s hands from his collar.
“I told Joe not to tease and I’ll do it again if you want me to”, he says while he unbuttons the bloody shirt easily. Ben takes a deep breath when the constricting fabric is gone from his chest.
“You don’t need to be nervous, Ben. We already know Gwil, he is a great guy. You’ve got nothing to worry about”, he smiles sweetly and squeezes Ben’s shoulder.
“I- yeah. It’s just been a while since I last got to do the whole serious relationship thing and- and I just don’t want to fuck it up, you know?”, Ben feels a stinging in his chest. Lying to Rami is almost worse than lying to Joe because Rami’s always been so good to him and not nearly as big of a shithead as Joe.
“So, it is? Serious, I mean?”
“I-“, fuck, he shouldn’t have said this. Did Gwil tell them something else?
“I guess? Or, I’d say so, it feels like that. To me.”
“Ah”, Rami nods and smiles. ”I’ll see you outside then.”
“Cheers.”
Fuck.
Dinner is… awkward, to say the least.
It’s not the worst dinner Gwil’s ever been to, not by far. He knows and likes the people he’s with, Joe and Sami are able to make pleasant conversation in almost any circumstance,
but Ben beside him is so tense he’s hardly uttered a word during the walk to the restaurant or through ordering their dinner or while they had their entrée.
And he can’t be the only one to notice it, Gwil is sure that at least Rami has picked up on it since he’s been watching the two of them with a knowing look and a little smile.
When the server collects the first round of plates Sami excuses himself, Ben mumbles something about a smoke and Joe declares he’ll go to the sommelier to try another wine and chat about their choice of drinks at the wedding, what leaves Gwil alone with Rami.
He doesn’t mind it, Rami is a nice chap. Always a friendly word on his lips, but the way he looks at Ben and Gwil is a bit unsettling. Like Rami knows something Gwil doesn’t. Has Ben told him that they’re just pretending? Should Gwil say something?
He opens his mouth to explain, what exactly he isn’t sure, Gwil is okay with literally anything that’ll pop into his head at this point just to say something that may count as an explanation for whatever is currently going on between Ben and him, but Rami is faster.
“He’s just nervous”, he says, reaching over the table to lightly squeeze Gwil’s fingers, “He nearly worked himself into a meltdown back at the shop because he wants this to go well.”
“I- yeah?”, Gwil is quite sure that this isn’t what Ben’s worked up about. His throat is dry, and he takes a big sip of his wine. Charity and Phoebe were right, helping Ben lie to his friends is absolutely the worst idea ever and if he should come out of this without an ulcer from worrying and Rami and Joe still willing to visit his shop, he’ll count that as a win.
“Maybe you could try to engage with him a bit more?”, Rami proposes. Upon Gwil’s puzzled expression he quickly adds: “You obviously know, I’m sure, you’ve had relationships, but I find it always reassuring when Joe takes my hand during situations that are a bit tense or awkward. Oh, I sound like a real asshole, don’t I? Just because he’s about to get married, he counts himself an expert on relationships.”
They chuckle, but Gwil sobers up fast. Rami’s advice is actually helpful and makes Gwil feel a bit less out of his depth.
Can you forget how to be in a relationship? It certainly feels like that to him, no matter that the relationship is actually fake. He really doesn’t know how to act around Ben, if he should touch him or just sit close to him or maybe treat him like any other person sitting at the table?
“Sometimes it does feel a bit like I unlearned how to be in a relationship, you know? It’s just been so long”, he confesses quietly after taking a look around to ensure that neither Ben, Joe nor Sami are coming back.
“Huh. For some reason I’ve always figured that you had someone.”
“I- No, there’s no- Ben’s the first one in a while”, Gwil hurries to correct himself. ‘There’s no-one’ has been his standardized answer to questions like these for so long, saying something different feels foreign to him. “I’m not much for dating.”
“Well, good thing you don’t have to do it anymore then, right?”, Joe cuts through their quiet conversation and places a bottle of wine on the table. “With compliments. And free, I might add.”
“Joe! Stop making people give us stuff for free!”
“I’m American! That’s what we do, you should know that. And I thought that’s why you want to marry me!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Joe.”
Gwil stops following their banter when the chair beside him is pulled out and Ben lets himself fall onto it, furiously rubbing his hands together.
“It’s shite weather out there, mate, you sure you don’t want to move the wedding to spring or summer?”
“Not a chance. I promised my fiancé an autumn wedding and he’ll get one. With storm floods and all”, Joe presses a kiss to Rami’s cheek and Gwil feels his stomach turn a bit, like always when they’re being adorable with each other.
He knows his jealousy is not fair, but neither is he being alone. Except that he isn’t. Technically.
Gwil turns to Ben who’s settled down again but is still rubbing his hands together. Without thinking much about it, Gwil places one hand on top of Ben’s cold fingers and squeezes a bit.
“You know, if you’d stayed inside, they wouldn’t have grown this cold.”
Ben looks at him like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide and mouth hanging open a bit. There’s commotion under the table and Ben’s chair moves a bit which causes him to look down and let’s Gwil see Sami, who’s returned silently, grinning.
Ben gets another kick, but this time from Joe and less subtle (not that any of them are subtle), that makes him look back at Gwil.
“Just a bit of fun, love.”
He knows that’s daring, but engaging with Ben is what Rami said he should do and if they don’t start looking like they have at least some feelings of romantic nature for each other soon, then Ben’s ploy will go up in flames.
Ben himself seems to get that too.
“Cheers”, he leans forward in Gwil’s direction and like earlier at the shop, Gwil neither knows what Ben’s going to do nor how he’s supposed to react to it. Like earlier, Ben’s soft lips miss Gwil’s and instead graze his cheek although it’s more the corner of his mouth than anything else. And like earlier there’s this swooping feeling in Gwil’s stomach, like during the drop of a rollercoaster ride where you’re not sure if this a good or a bad feeling.
Dinner proceeds in a similar nerve-wracking fashion.
Gwilym tries to initiate little touches, pushes his chair closer to Ben’s to bump their knees or elbows together. Ben reacts with nervous looks; shy little smiles seem to be the most he dares to answer with.
When directly prompted though, Ben seems to feel like he’s being backed into a corner and lashes out, figuratively speaking. Joe makes a suggestive comment and Ben reaches out and puts his hand on Gwil’s thigh. He startles so badly, he bangs his knee on the table, what causes Ben to rip his hand away like he got burned.
Later, Ben wipes a droplet of sauce from Gwil’s lip and licks it from his finger. Gwil involuntarily spends the next 10 minutes discreetly trying to adjust his pants. It’s awful.
They don’t seem to operate on the same wavelength at all and Gwil, for some reason, is deeply disappointed by that fact. The only time they manage to reach a mutual understanding is when they’re ordering dessert, which, no, they would absolutely not share.
By the end of the evening Gwil is so thoroughly weirded out and just uncomfortable, he seriously contemplates to tell Ben that he can’t go on. They just don’t seem to match, Ben is so forward suddenly, almost offensive and that just doesn’t fit the picture Gwil’s had of Ben.
Maybe Phoebe and Charity were right, maybe Gwil doesn’t know Ben after all and in truth he’s just a sleazy guy scoring one date after another. Maybe he’s exactly the kind of guy who’d use and play the guy he gets his coffee from. And he probably knows that Gwil’s in l- has feeli- is not disinclined to maybe get to know him a bit better and to see where that leads.
The tension eventually breaks when they finally exit the restaurant and after saying their goodbyes to Rami, Joe and Sami. Ben lets out a sigh so big, it seems to have collected all the sorrow from the tips of his toes to the ends of his curls.
“I am so, so sorry”, he says, pulling his scarf up to hide his face behind, “I acted like a total prick, oh god. I’m an asshole.”
“Huh”, Gwil says, not really having expected that declaration and self-flagellation but being relieved nevertheless, “Yeah, you kind of are.”
Ben groans, guttural, like a wounded animal, “I- I’m sorry, honestly, I’m not usually like this. Or I’d like to think that I’m not. Am I a total prick?”
“I don’t think you are. Not always, at least”, Gwil likes to think that. He’s never seen Ben act like he did tonight, maybe it was just a slip-up, nervousness, the guilt from lying to his friends. He reaches out and puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder. He feels him lean into his touch a bit.
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve forgotten what you feel like and act around a person you truly like”, he quietly admits, still not looking at Gwil and instead studying the sleeves of his coat.
Gwil laughs a bit at that and now Ben does look up with a barely hidden look of hurt.
“It’s just that I said the same thing to Rami earlier”, he hurries to explain, “I think I’m probably not the right partner for… all this.”
Ben sighs again and rubs his eyes. “Well, there’s no going back now, is there?”
“You could say we broke up.”
“Do you want me to?”, Ben seems unsettled by the idea. Sure, it would take him back to the initial problem, but Gwil thinks that this wouldn’t be as bad as Joe and Rami finding out they lied to them through Gwil and Ben failing spectacularly at pretending to be together.
But still, he doesn’t want Ben to say they broke up. Not really, not if he’s really honest with himself, although it’s the wrong thing to do and he wants to do it for even worse reasons.
“We could… talk about this. Boundaries. Routines. Stuff like that would make us look more… like a couple”, he nearly chokes on the word.
“That’s a good idea, actually. Really good.”
“I happen to have them occasionally, yes.”
Gwil’s stomach gives a little flutter upon Ben’s laugh and the sparkle in his eyes.
And he just grows surer of the fact that their rouse will end horribly. At least for himself.