Chapter Text
European Leg, Manchester
The room reeked of sex, booze, and a little bit of desperation as Harry pushed at the light body wrapped around him. He hated morning-afters, he hated explanations and excuses, he hated repeating himself. No, he didn’t want breakfast. No, he didn’t want another cigarette. No, he didn’t want to take a shower with them, nor go out later. He didn’t want their numbers or even their names. He hated to be the fucking asshole who had to remind them ‘remember what we agreed last night? This is just a fuck, not the beginning of a long-lasting friendship’.
Alas, someone had to do it. Luckily for Harry, this time it didn't have to be him.
“Wake up, my little gold mine, my goose who lays golden eggs, my— Jesus fucking Christ, your room stinks like a badly written character of Skins US.”
Harry snorted as he watched his manager walk towards the window of his suite room. “Don’t I deserve to be part of the original cast?”
“Nah, you’re not the Sid you think you are,” Jason said before harshly opening the curtains on the far end of his room.
“Sid was lame.”
“And you’re not even that.”
Jason moved to the mini bar in the room as a sleepy voice muttered a quiet, confused, “What's going on?” beside him.
His manager snorted. “Why don’t you tell your delightful blue-eyed brunet to get some amazing breakfast in the kitchen while I give you the news I have for you,” he said with his back facing Harry as he grabbed a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge.
“Do we know each other?” The boy frowned at Jason, finally sitting down, clearly confused as to how the man knew how he looked without looking at him.
“Don’t think so.” Jason walked to open the last curtain with the bottle in hand. “Call it a hunch,” he said as he pulled back the last set of curtains to expose them to the blinding light, making Harry’s eyes squint and his head throb. “See?” Jason gestured at the boy before tossing Harry the bottle of sparkling water. “I should have been a fortune teller.”
Harry scowled at his manager before turning to face the boy. “Listen, you can grab some breakfast—anything you want—just ask the chef and they will make it for you. Jason can call the driver so he can pick you up after.” He saw how the small smile that was starting to adorn the boy’s face dissolved in an instant.
Harry almost felt bad for him before remembering that they had talked about boundaries the night before, he was tired of pretending these things meant more than what they were for both parts and Harry was also tired of being used and manipulated by strangers.
“How tactful,” Jason said as soon as the boy stomped out of Harry’s room. “I’d love you to be the one who tells my children Santa doesn't exist, I think you’d do an amazing job.”
“Sure, I can do that before I tell them their dad lost his job for being a moron.”
Jason touched his heart. “Aw, would you do that? For me?”
“What the fuck do you want Jason? My head is pounding and I’d love it if you'd let me go back to sleep.”
“Who’s being a moron now?” Jason arched a brown and Harry took a deep breath. “Jesus, fine, I’ll tell you… they said yes.”
“Who said yes?”
“L28? They said yes to film the documentary about the tour?”
“Oh… alright.”
“Alright? Alright? After you whined— whined that you wanted them to be the ones to make the tour documentary, you only say ‘alright’? Do you know how much that studio is costing us?”
“I didn’t whine and I didn’t actually expect them to say yes - they don’t really do this type of stuff.”
“I was doing my research and I couldn’t find the name of any of the people working for them, they’re insanely and purposely discreet, but I checked several of their previous works and referrals and they’re really good,”
“Yeah… they are. Will that be all?”
Jason blinked. “I mean… yes?”
“Alright, if you don’t mind… I want to go back to sleep.”
Jason opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. He repeated the movement twice, like a fish gasping for air. Harry knew he was pissing his manager off but he’d think about the consequences later, right now he had other stuff to focus on. As soon as Jason was gone, he grabbed his phone and texted the first name that popped up in his message app.
[12:28]
So it’s official, you’ll be mine for the rest of the tour…
angel [12:52]
all urs, baby ;)
We’re Going To Be Friends
London, 2015
And when I wake up tomorrow I’ll bet
That you and I will walk together again
Harry had met the boy with fairy kisses on his cheeks when they were both young kids. They'd remained best friends up until the boy’s parents had to move to New York when they were fifteen. Harry wasn’t ashamed to admit that he'd cried for weeks after Louis’ departure and cried even more when he'd discovered his unrecognizable, smelly, and smashed phone next to Spot—his dog at the time. Everything on his old phone had been erased, including his only way to talk to his best friend.
The boy hadn’t believed in social media, he didn’t understand it, so there was no point in searching there. And just like that, the boy with fairy kisses on his cheeks was gone for good from Harry’s life, but would never be erased from Harry’s mind. Scared of forgetting him—his face, his smile, his tender eyes—Harry started writing about him in notebooks and on napkins, any place he could find.
“I’m afraid of going to sleep one night and waking up without knowing your eyes."
The words were sweet, longing, and innocent. Some of them even made nice melodies when he played them with his guitar. So he did, again and again. The words on napkins turned into songs—songs that people liked and identified with because apparently, almost everyone had their own person with fairy kisses on their cheeks and timeless smiles, so impossibly far away.
They were allall were longing, just like Harry.
He was nineteen when he started doing small gigs in sketchy-looking bars. At that point, the songs weren’t so innocent anymore, the longing was different, the what-if scenarios changed and more people started to pay attention to him. Kids don’t know about desire or heartbreak, but Harry wasn’t a kid anymore. So when he sang, “the sound of the waves collide,” people began to scream back, “tonight.”
Jason found him on a rainy Saturday night, right before leaving the bar. He asked him if he had a label or a manager, and Harry laughed so loudly his ears rang. Two months later, not only did he have a label and a manager, but he also had a contract for three albums. Harry’s life was officially changed in the eyes of everyone, but nothing really started for him until he found him again.
He didn’t mean to, he'd stopped looking for him years ago. His songs weren’t all about his long lost muse anymore, he was moving on. But then he saw Mitch, his drummer, going through his Instagram feed and this time, everything changed for real.
loubell
Such a small and cute name for such a mighty boy. The pictures were carefully taken: wet, peach-colored lips biting a strawberry; hips adorned with a diamond chain; ribs being held by strong hands; ears decorated with small earrings; long, lean legs displayed in thigh-high, tulle socks; neck and collarbones showcasing beautiful golden necklaces. The mirror pictures showed a soft torso wearing from soft shirts and short shorts to what seemed to be expensive negligees and lingerie.
However, what made Harry actually pay attention to the page was a picture of the boy’s cheek.
“Fairy kisses,” Harry whispered.
“Pretty, huh?” Mitch said absently as he gazed at the picture.
“I know him.”
Mitch frowned and watched Harry carefully. “You know loubell?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes, do you?” Harry questioned as he pulled out his own phone, opened Instagram, and typed the username in.
“I mean, as much as your fans know you.”
Harry snorted. “So you know nothing,” he said as he clicked the follow button.
Not even ten minutes after he did that, Jason was storming into the room.
“Why the fuck are you following thirst accounts on Instagram?”
“I didn’t?” Harry said pushing himself up into a sitting position as Mitch huffed indignantly. “loubell is not a thirst account, it’s a fashion and culture one.”
“I don’t care if he’s promoting ways to end pollution, he’s doing it half-naked, and that looks like a thirst account.”
“How do you even know who I just followed?”
“It’s on all your update accounts,” Jason said as he shoved his phone in front of Harry’s face.
“Why are you even following them in the first place?”
“To know if we’re doing things right.”
“Isn’t knowing if you’re doing things well… your job?”
“I have three update accounts, do you follow them too?” Mitch asked as he grabbed Jason’s phone.
“You have two and one is solely dedicated to what type of bread and pastries you are eating,” Jason said exasperated.
Mitch nodded as he typed something on Jason’s phone. “I’m eating a brioche today, I tweeted about it on your account so they can update.”
Jason closed his eyes. “I need you”—he pointed in Mitch’s direction—“to give me back my phone and you ”—he pointed at Harry—“to unfollow that Instagram account.”
“I don’t get what the problem is, you think they see me as this holy person who doesn’t think about sex? Have you listened to my songs? Have you seen what the press has to say about me? Jason, I promise they know.”
Jason laughed. “I’m actually worried about the opposite, they see you as this sex god, a pure fantasy who everyone wants. Harry,” he said as if he was talking to a toddler. “sex gods don’t follow cutesy thirst accounts.”
“First of all, it’s not that. Mitch told you it’s a fashion and culture account. Second”—Harry shrugged—“see if I care.”
“Can you at least follow more people? It’s weird that the first, and currently only account you follow is a th— culture and fashion page.”
Harry sniffed. “No, I think I’m fine like this.”
“Who even is this boy you’re so desperate to suck?”
A big smirk bloomed on his face. “It’s loubell.”
And as if it was a spell, right after he said the name, a direct message appeared in his Instagram inbox.
loubell:
you found me...
European Leg, Glasgow
The camera crew arrived at the arena and Harry tried to act as composed as he could, but as soon as he saw Zayn, something bitter coiled inside his body.
“Styles!” Zayn pasted a fake smile on his face as he approached Harry. “I’m really excited to start working with you and your crew.”
Love was a funny thing, Harry thought, as funny as relationships were. You see, Harry was aware Louis had dated multiple people since they'd rekindled their friendship, and in theory—just in theory—he also was very aware that they might have been a threat to his slightly odd relationship with Louis. Harry knew several of Louis’ exes that didn’t like him very much—and some others straight up hated him. So it didn’t come as much of a surprise when some of them told Louis he needed to cut off his relationship with Harry.
And yet, Harry never felt threatened by them, not in the way he felt about Zayn. With him, the threat felt real. Harry didn’t know where he stood. The man was a wild card, because he was so much more than a simple boyfriend. He was Louis’ soulmate—Louis’ words, never Harry’s—and if Zayn asked Louis to cut Harry off, unlike the rest, Louis would probably listen.
It wasn’t as if he was afraid of Zayn, he was just careful with him. That’s why every time he showed up and pulled Louis to his side without letting him go, Harry just politely smiled. And every time he offered his hand out to him, he shook it firmly and with no trace of hard feelings. Because there weren't any. Not really.
Not even after he discovered the person who Louis always called first was Zayn and not him. Or when he found out Louis’ mom made them matching sweaters every Christmas while she barely remembered him. He was Louis’ new Harry, and sometimes—when the days ran slower, the alcohol tasted lighter, and the nights felt heavier—he wondered if there was even a Harry for Louis to replace to begin with. But there weren't any hard feelings. They were good because Louis was happy, and if Louis was happy...
“I didn’t know you were going to be part of the project…” he said with a neutral tone.
Zayn shrugged. “I’m part of the team, and this is by far one of our biggest projects, so where else was I supposed to be?”
Harry felt his jaw twitch before a body hit him from behind and climbed into his back.
“Hi,” said the only voice that actually mattered to Harry, “did you miss me?” he asked before leaving a cherry cola-flavored kiss on his cheek.
“I began to miss you as soon I left your apartment a month ago.” Harry turned his face to see blue eyes shining at him. “I really like your eyeshadow.”
The boy giggled but before he could say or do anything more, Jason walked towards them.
“Tomlinson, what the hell are you doing here?”
Louis’ smile was mischievous and bright, already anticipating the encounter. As soon as Harry had proposed the idea to Louis, they'd both known Jason wouldn’t be happy about it. He thought Harry always got too distracted when Louis was around and as much as he’d love to put some effort into denying it, his manager might be slightly right. Once Harry found loubell and with it Louis, it didn’t matter that they hadn't spoken with each other for years, they just instantly clicked as if no time had passed.
Now, Harry could stop and describe every curve of his body, every up and down, every point of inflection that broke all physics laws. From the way he played with his fringe when he got nervous to the way he hunched his shoulders and covered his mouth every time he giggled.
Zayn, who had stayed quiet during their exchange, finally crossed his arms and arched his brow. “What do you mean?” he asked, as Louis said with an amused tone, “Why, Jason, you hired me”—he hopped off Harry’s back—“L28 belongs to me.”
“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Jason puffed out a long breath. “Did you know this?” He shook his head. “Of course you knew, why am I even asking. This shouldn’t be legal, you both scammed me.”
“I mean, can you be actually scammed if the money you’re using is Harry’s?”
“Can I talk to you for a second? Alone...” Jason looked at Harry sternly.
Harry sighed and kissed Louis’ temple before whispering, “I’ll be right back, angel.”
“Was this really necessary?” Jason reprimanded Harry as soon they were far enough away from Louis. “This is probably the most complicated scheme you have pulled so far to keep him close to you.”
“I really want his studio to make the tour documentary, you saw their work, it's fucking dope, things shouldn’t change because it’s him.”
“And why didn’t you just tell me this? Why did you have to fucking lie about it?”
“Because you get all weird and prickly about him!”
“No, the one who gets all weird is you, because you can’t control your dick or jealousy around him,” Jason hissed exasperatedly.
“I can…”
“No, you can’t, and believe me, Harry, I get it. But he doesn’t feel the same as you or you don’t feel the same as him, I don’t fucking know. Thing is, you are not on the same wavelength and you need to fucking accept that or else this is going to blow up in all our faces.”
“I don’t know what stories have come up in your head but it’s not what you think. He’s my best friend, he has always been, that doesn’t mean I’ll lose my head over him, I know what I’m doing.”
“Are you— Harry…”
“Jason…”
“Are we really playing this game? Fine, then describe to me how your four latest hookups looked like.” Jason’s harsh gaze softened at the sight of Harry’s confused face. “Look, I know everything in your life changed really fast and you never had the time to explore what you feel for Louis. It was promo, then tour, then him, and then tour again. I know as your manager, I should suggest you to solely focus on your work right now but, God knows why, I happen to care for you, and let’s be honest, things can get more complicated if you keep going like this.”
“Going like what?”
“Living in denial.”
All Or Nothin’
Dublin, 2016
How I hope you’re true
Give me everything I need
I wanna please ya baby
Harry got the news before going on stage, during the whole gig he felt wired as he’d been taking hits all night, pulse throbbing in his ear as the audience fed from his energy, he was high on fucking life. They were officially playing not only at Warped Tour, but also Panorama. They were doing okay in Europe, but now they were about to dominate the whole world.
Sweat dripping down his neck and skin buzzing, he called the first person who wanted to tell the news.
“Hello, angel,” Harry’s voice felt far away, just like it always felt after a show.
“Hi, baby, how was the show?”
“Amazing, the crowd was wild,” Harry chuckled as he walked inside the small and crowded green room the venue had for them. “Hey… you also looked really amazing in the picture you posted today.
Giggles filled the line as he sat down in one of the ratty couches in the room. “Did you really like it? I wore the necklace you sent,” Louis added softly.
Harry was in a vintage store in Berlin when he saw the simple but very beautiful gold necklace with a moon inside a coin and knew he had to buy it for Louis. It wasn’t a thing, he just happened to sometimes find things that could look pretty on Louis, things like rings, necklaces, chokers, belly belts. And it wasn’t as if Harry was just sending stuff to Louis without warning... They discussed it, extensively.
They kinda had to after one of Louis’ friends interrupted one of their video calls saying that he imagined Louis’ “sugar daddy” very differently after he sent Louis a pair of expensive velvety pink high knee heeled boots.
“I really did - you looked very pretty,” he said, voice sounding as soft as Louis’.
“Zayn wanted me to wear a choker because it fitted better with this week’s theme, but I really wanted to show the necklace, it’s my new favorite.”
Because of course, Zayn was not only Harry’s official replacement but also Louis’ project partner, the person who helped to create loubell and the strong hands all over him on his Instagram account.
It turned out, loubell was as real as the sting of jealousy inside Harry’s chest every time Louis talked about Zayn and as fake as every time he sang ‘I hope these burning ears won’t last’. The account started as a social experiment for a project that would end in a documentary piece for their finals—something about how social media was a new way of vanilla voyeurism, how people were so desperate to cling onto beings solely created for fantasies and make them holy, while also being completely ready to tear them apart at the first chance—but at the same time, it also had Louis’ essence all over it.
Harry’s hand ran through his wet hair. “Zayn can fuck right off, you looked stunning, as always.”
“Who is that?” Mitch poked his ribs before nudging a bottle of beer on his hand. “Is it Lou? Tell him I say hi.”
“No,” Harry said, taking a sip of his beer as Mitch obnoxiously screamed, “Hii, Lou, loved today’s picture!” close to the phone.
“Hi Mitch!” Louis laughed good-heartedly. Harry tried to push the drummer away but he stubbornly grabbed Harry’s hand so he could also hear Louis. “I’m gonna use the concept you sent me for the next session.”
“Really? I have so many other ideas, I’m gonna send you the link to my boards on Pinterest.”
Harry heard a faint chuckle from the other side of the line. “I’d love that.”
“Check your messages, I’ll leave you now because ‘rockstar boy’ here is two seconds away from strangling me.”
“Since when are you sharing ‘concepts’?”
“I’m a visual artist at heart, Harry, deal with it.” Mitch sniffed before snatching his beer bottle from his hand and chugging its content in one big gulp.
“Sure you are,” Harry grunted softly.
“Leave him be, he’s actually really good,” Louis said with an amused tone. “Hey, are you going to bring someone to your hotel tonight or can we talk?”
Harry had planned to bring not one but two people he met that same day at the restaurant of his hotel, they were only waiting for his text to come up to his room.
“I’m all yours, actually, I called you because I have some news but I can tell you later.”
“What news? No, you can’t! You have to tell me now, you know you have to tell me now!”
Harry laughed, his long legs were sprawled out as he slumped back on the couch, body filling with delight at hearing Louis’ demands. He was such a brat. “We’re one of Warped’s headliners and we’re going to play at Panorama.”
“Oh my god, Harry, that’s huge, that’s—that’s more than huge, that’s massive, immense, enormous, please take the thesaurus away from me because I can keep going all night,” Louis sounded giddy and proud and Harry’s chest swelled with warmth.
“Yeah, I know, I’m still fucking processing it all, the guys are ecstatic.”
Harry’s band was small but powerful. It was only Mitch in the drums—his high school best friend and a major pain in the ass. He liked melted ice creams, loubell’s feed, and playing the drums until his knuckles bleed. Isaac, who was Mitch’s college roommate, on the bass and back vocals, who only began to play with them because he needed extra cash for his streaming subscriptions. He liked painting and screaming over Harry’s vocal’s. Lastly, Harry himself was on the guitar and as the frontman.
Sometimes they clashed for the stupidest of the things, but they worked and sounded fucking amazing.
“I bet they are! I’m so proud of you, you’ve worked so hard for this!”
“Yeah, it feels surreal,” he said earnestly. “but that wasn’t the only thing I called for…”
“No?”
“No, I actually wanted to ask you if you’d like to spend a few days with me at the Bentley? It’s not a suite or anything but it got room service and a jacuzzi.”
“A jacuzzi and a Meet & Greet with the Harry Styles?” Louis whistled. “You know how to spoil someone, rockstar.”
Harry laughed. “Only the best for my angel. What do you say then?”
“Baby, you got me at jacuzzi, of course, I’d love to spend some time with you.”
“God , I can’t wait to finally see you again,” Harry groaned loudly and dramatically, not caring who would hear him.
“How long has it been?” Louis’ voice sounds soft and gentle.
“Fuck, baby, I don’t do math, but it’s been a very long time.”
“I feel I’m going to meet this whole new person but at the same time I’m going to see my best friend, I don’t even know if I’m making sense.”
“No, I get it, I feel the same way, I’m not the same kid you used to know but I’m still your best friend.”
“H, the bus is ready, we have to go,” Isaac said exasperatedly before walking out of the green room. Harry couldn’t even blame him, he knew how annoyingly corny he sounded when he talked with or about Louis.
“Hey, I have to go but I’ll call you as soon I get into my hotel room.”
“Take a shower first.”
“Are you calling me stinky?”
Louis giggled. “No, I just want you all relaxed and sleepy, I like when you look like that,” he said casually as if that simple sentence wasn’t sending Harry to other planets.
“Alright, I will. Send me a kiss first.”
Louis huffed but still sent a loud kiss to Harry. “Okay, bye now.”
“Bye, angel,” Harry murmured before hanging up.
Harry knew he was smiling after shoving his phone in his way too tight black jeans as he climbed onto the tour bus. Mitch smiled at him knowingly as Jason, Isaac, and the rest just side-eyed him. He knew he was smiling when he canceled his “date.” He took a quick shower before calling room service. He knew that same smile only grew wider and gentler during the entirety of his FaceTime call with Louis.
For over a year, Louis began to shift again in front of Harry’s eyes, just like he did back then when he was growing up and only had memories of him.
Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.
He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?
However, there was this “cool factor” people who weren’t in his inner circle thought he had but in reality, he didn’t possess at all. And if he had to be honest with himself, he was a bit afraid Louis would catch onto that fact and just, maybe not reject Harry—because the Louis he knew would never do something like that—but be a bit underwhelme by him.
Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.
It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?
European Leg, Paris.
His suite was filled with noise and people Harry didn’t know, but Jason said they deserved a good celebration after another week filled with sold-out venues. They were making it and it was all being caught on tape. Louis’ crew was everywhere, cameras following them each step of the tour. Even at that party there were two people filming all their moves, and oddly enough, it didn’t feel as invasive as he expected or as it sounded.
Harry got used to their presence really quickly. They were like a big group of friends and treated him as if he was one of them. Maybe it was an order, maybe they genuinely liked Harry—either way, it helped a lot. The cameras felt natural, like a homemade project between friends. He didn’t feel like an animal being studied, he felt happy to know that in thirty years he would be able to go back and watch it all unfold.
Harry felt Louis shift on top of his legs, attention focused on the boy who sat on the couch in front of them as he let Harry play with his tummy, hand inside his shirt. The guy looked like a beefy golden retriever, happy smile on full display, only wanting to share love.
Harry was disgusted by him.
“So you disinfect the rock with another rock?” Louis asked with genuine interest.
“Yeah, of course you have to put both rocks into boiling water but at least no corporation will receive my money.”
“Huh… how punk-rock.”
“Isn’t that unhygienic?” Harry drawled, annoyed, face almost completely hiding in the crook of Louis’ neck.
“Not at all, you clean yourself with water and the rock, your hand doesn’t actually touch any feces at any moment,” the guy said in a very thick Parisian accent.
Louis snorted. “Didn’t you once snort a line from someone’s asshole?” He twisted his neck to look at Harry in amusement.
“It was the swell of an ass not the asshole and it was one time. Also, I wouldn’t really recommend it, waste of money, that’s why now I’m only sticking to natural recreational drugs, fewer problems.”
“And it’s even better when you cultivate them, man,” Target’s Thor replied.
Harry saw Louis give the guy The Look, eyelashes fluttering almost in slow motion. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Discount Captain America’s smile was almost blinding. “Hey so... are you with the band? Because I can take you to see my grow room today or tomorrow.”
Harry ignored if that was his subtle way to ask if he was fucking Harry. Still, he pulled Louis closer to him.
“Kinda? But I can go with you tonight?” Louis said, gaze going from Conan the fucking Barbarian to Harry.
And was he asking Harry? Should he reply?
“Amazing, do you want to leave now or…”
“Isn’t it too early to leave?” Harry grumbled. “It’s only one.”
“You think?” Louis tilted his head, an amused smile on his face.
“Yeah, don’t you wanna dance?” Harry poked his cheek with his nose. If Louis liked overgrown puppies, he could give him that.
“Here? With you?”
“Yeah, before you go?”
Louis laughed, exposing his neck to Harry, he left a small kiss there just because he could. “God, no, you’re a nightmare at dancing.”
“You are still going to dance with me,” Harry muttered, smiling against Louis’ ear.
Louis giggled, hand covering his mouth.
“So… I’ll see you later?” White Thanos asked with an odd look on his face.
“Yeah, I guess I’m gonna dance now,” Louis said, eyes never leaving Harry’s.
They grabbed some bottles of tequila and went to Harry’s room. They did that all the time, when the party went on for too long or the crowd was too much, they spent countless nights talking with each other, whispering secrets. Some other nights, they also actually danced, like that particular one.
“I propose that every time you step on my foot we take a shot… ow .” Louis laughed, as he took a sip of tequila. “First one!”
“We are going to end up smashed then,” Harry grumbled.
“Isn’t that the point?”
“What about your date?”
“Milo?” Louis shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but that ship kinda sailed.”
“Yeah? Oh, shit—sorry,” Harry apologized after stepping on Louis’ foot again. “Maybe you’re right, I am a nightmare at dancing,” he said as he took another shot.
“It’s alright, I like it when we dance.”
“I have an idea, take off your shoes.” Harry waited for Louis to do as he was told. “Now, put your feet on top of mine,” he said as he pulled him close to him, “there we go, no more stomping on those pretty feet.”
“Did you know I have one of the highest rankings on WikiFeet?”
“I’m not gonna ask how you know that,” Harry said, still smiling like a fool.
“Google is free,” Louis shrugged and wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders.
“Still not asking, but I’m not surprised by their ranking.”
“Have you been thinking about my high-ranking feet a lot?” Louis wiggled his eyebrows.
“They’re part of you so yeah…”
Louis scrunched his face. “Ew, kinky.”
“You’re giving me very mixed signals.”
“Ambiguity is my superpower.”
“Thought it was your beauty.”
Louis sighed dramatically. “That’s my crux. My intelligence is an extra gift.”
Harry laughed against Louis’ neck, heart suddenly too big for his chest. He left a tender kiss close to Louis’ earlobe, tongue lightly flicking the wet skin, making the boy gasp. Harry had the sudden urge to rip some more pretty noises from him; however, they weren’t like that anymore, they still touched and kissed but nothing more than that happened.
Louis didn’t want to and Harry wasn’t going to push him to do it. Although they still slept together, in the strictest sense of the word. Sleep, nothing more.
He wasn’t going to deny that Louis putting a stop to what they were doing had hurt. If Louis’ crux was his beauty, Harry’s was that he always wanted more from Louis than he could or would ever give him.
The talk was vague and painful, Harry hadn’t asked for any explanation, he wasn’t ready to get his heart completely crushed before an award show, he simply accepted that Louis only wanted to be his friend, because he had to.
That was almost a year ago. Of that year, they didn’t speak for two months after their talk, Louis avoided him like the plague. The night he decided to finally call Harry, he was with someone and he did the only logical thing he could do.
He answered Louis.
Because he’d take anything Louis would give him, even if it was just friendship.
The Original
New York, 2016
I only go where I’m wanted
You only go where you want I aim to be more like you.
New York was ruthless in the best way possible, it didn’t wait for anything or anyone, it kept moving whether you were ready or not. It was filled with different cultures and people with various shades of posed indifference. Trying desperately to not care.
Harry could understand why there were so many books and songs about it.
There were places—and people—who deserved to be poetized. Harry thought that the first time he saw Louis in New York, standing in front of a laundromat; purple, neon lights illuminating his face. In a city filled with people trying to shield their feelings, Louis looked at him with bright, open eyes.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here,” Louis whispered as Harry breathed him in while he hugged him.
“I can’t believe you wanted to meet me again in a laundromat,” Harry teased Louis lightheartedly, nose burying in the crook of his neck.
“Oh, shut up.” Louis poked him softly on the ribs. “I didn’t expect you today and I just couldn’t cancel this.”
“Is it your laundry day?”
“Nah,” Louis said as he entered the building and walked through the washing machines, “and to be completely honest, I would never bring my clothes here to wash, almost all of the machines are broken and the rest are perpetually occupied.”
Harry’s eyebrows knitted. “Then what are we doing here?”
Instead of replying, Louis opened a door that connected to a big room filled with people and art.
“We’re having a small exhibition.”
“In a laundromat?”
“And a bar, yeah.”
“Lou!” Someone hugged the boy from behind. “Ali just sold one of your pieces.”
“Really? So soon?” The man holding Louis nodded at him with a beaming smile before looking at Harry.
“Who is this?” The guy arched a brow at him.
“Oh shit, yes, remember the friend back home I told you about? This is him, this is Harry! Harry, this is Zayn, my best friend.”
“Your face looks familiar… Do you work at Lair?”
“Not really—”
“He’s in Rose Quartz,” Louis stated with a proud smile.
“Oh… the little band?”
Okay, Harry officially disliked him.
“It’s not a little band?!” Louis said with an outraged tone. “They’re already big in the indie scene and soon,” he said, touching Harry’s chest with his palm, “they will be loved by everyone.”
“If you say so,” Zayn rolled his eyes but there was no heat behind his words or actions. “Anyways, I promised Ali I’d help her to sell some pieces. Talk to you later, babes,” he said, before leaving a soft kiss on Louis’ temple.
Ignoring the pressure inside his chest at the sight of someone else hugging and kissing Louis with the same ease he’d used to, he finally paid attention to the paintings and pictures all over the cramped room.
There were almost no faces in sight, just parts of bodies artistically and strategically placed to tell a story. Scars, freckles, birthmarks, and tears proudly showcased and exposed for everyone to see. Every piece felt personal and intimate in a way that not a lot of things felt.
“Which ones are yours?”
“Oh, those over there.” The picture showed a woman’s back surrounded by striving colored shadows in the form of suited people, each one of the colors was marked on her back with paint. “That one is called Solitude and this one... is a small installation called A ballad of a reality,” he said as he happily pointed to what looked to be a structure of a cube with the same proportions of an instagram picture on a large-scale. Each side portrayed a different—yet very familiar—picture, but every few seconds the model changed.
“I used loubell's most liked pictures and recreated them with several other models. I photographed and filmed them in full length and in a more professional way. Each model morphs into another every twenty eight seconds giving the idea that loubell could be anyone. The whole thing was inspired by, I’m thinking about ending things. ” Louis giggled into his sweater paws.
“I don’t know if you have read the book, but the main character says at some point that almost all memories are fictional and heavily edited by our own pleasure and need. And Louise or Lucy, or whatever you like to call her, thought that all could be faked but our thoughts.” He shrugged. “I thought it was a bit fitting. Loubell is as real as you want it to be.”
“I mean, not everything is fake, even loubell has some bits of you.”
“I mean, sure, if you want loubell to be real, it can be, in your mind, but loubell doesn’t exist, not really.”
Harry chuckled, confused. “How can you say that? You’re literally wearing something loubell would.”
“Well, yes, I dress loubell, so it has my fashion sense. But for example, I have never in my life meditated or organized something in the way loubell does. All the little study notes? Not my handwriting and I don’t know how to cook or even own a pet. All that? Just loubell, not me.”
“Oh…” Harry knew things could be faked on social media. Hell, he knew what loubell was all about, but he never stopped to think about how fake the fake account actually was.
Louis cast his gaze down. “Are you disappointed that I'm not him?”
“Why would I be disappointed?” he asked, because he wasn’t. He didn’t need or miss loubell, he missed his best friend.
He missed Louis.
Louis shrugged, not meeting Harry’s gaze. “Dunno, you looked a bit disappointed there,” he mumbled.
“I mean, it’s a bit of a bummer that I’m not gonna meet Bella, the poodle.” Harry softly nudged Louis’ side.
Louis laughed. “Oh, we can still meet her, even though her real name is Indigo.”
Harry hummed. “Yeah, she looks like an Indigo.”
They stayed there until close to midnight, until almost every piece of Louis’ work had sold out. Harry was unable to stop smiling, pride filling his body every time someone complimented Louis’ work. He might not understand much about art or the inspiration behind it, but he knew Louis was talented, and the pictures were beyond beautiful.
Harry knew he was witnessing the beginning of a prolific career.
It was a good night, Harry got to meet so many new and interesting people while spending the night with one of his favorites in the world. He also got invited to different parties and more art galleries, he felt welcomed by almost all of Louis’ friends. The only exception being Zayn who—even after Harry tried his best to not frown at him—every time he pulled Louis into an honest to god unnecessary hug, still looked at Harry as if he had kicked his fake puppy.
Even when they were leaving he very loudly told Louis he knew what to do if he felt uncomfortable and that he could be at Harry’s hotel in minutes.
“I’m sorry about that.” Louis scrunched his nose.
“No, it’s okay. I’m actually kinda glad you have someone who’s got your back.”
“Yeah, it’s very much mutual.”
Harry tried to swallow the jealousy that started to grow in the pit of his stomach to focus on what really mattered.
“Listen, you don’t have to go back to my place, we can catch up tomorrow. I know we used to have sleepovers all the time but we’re both adults now and I know it’s not the same as—”
“Hey, woah, woah, slow down. I’m really fine with it, I promise. I mean, it’s obvious we aren’t the same as we used to be—when the fuck did you grow so fucking tall? And those arms?! — Anyway, you’re still you, and I’m still me, we still talked until we fell asleep for the past six months almost every fucking day. I missed you and I don’t want this night to end right now. So can we please go to your nice and warm hotel room?”
“As you wish, angel.”
European Leg, Paris.
Harry woke up slowly and pleasantly, feeling completely relaxed and safe. His arm holding a pliant and warm body almost on top of him, arm and leg across his chest and stomach, clinging to him like a baby koala.
He didn’t need to open his eyes, didn’t even need to be fully awake to know who he was holding. He knew Louis’ body better than his own, knew every freckle, every mark. Knew if he moved his hand from his toned and lean torso to his lower tummy he would find the soft and warm flesh he loved so much to rub, bite, and kiss. Knew the sweet smell of his sleep-warm body. At the thought of it, he smiled and pulled Louis closer, soft hair tickling his lips.
“Your dumb dick is poking my thigh,” Louis grumbled, face moving to hide in the crook of his neck.
Harry snorted. “Well, seeing as how you're the one that’s crushing me with your leg...”
Louis gasped and pinched Harry’s stomach lightly. “It’s not crushing you, I’m as light as a feather. Maybe if your dick wasn't so big, or you weren’t so horny in the mornings,” he said, nose nuzzling closer to him.
“You know, you can still go to your room and sleep in your own very comfy bed.” Harry smiled against Louis' head as he pulled the boy closer to him.
“But who’s going to stroke my back and my legs in my own bed? That’d be so sad,” Louis said as he spread his hand over the bottom of Harry’s ribcage, lowering his leg over his hard cock.
Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head as he continued to gently stroke his smooth leg, hips rocking lightly against the pressure. He could already feel Louis’ cock pulsing against him when the sound of an incoming call interrupted them.
“He’s been calling you all morning,” Harry whispered, arms still refusing to let Louis go. “I was really close to answering the phone.”
Louis hummed before pushing himself up to grab his phone. “You should have done it, he knows I’m with you, he’s fine with it.”
“Is lover boy really fine with it or—”
“Don’t start. He knows there’s nothing between us anymore, and even if there was something, you know Axel and I aren’t exclusive, so there’s that.”
Harry didn’t actually know about that part, or any other parts that had to do with Axel. He knew the basics: he owned several galleries, and helped Louis with some contacts for L28. What was even the point in learning more when he knew the man wasn’t really important, that he was just one man more that Louis would later forget about.
“Hey, baby,” Louis softly whispered after he answered the call, tone dripping with sweetness. He had never heard Louis talk with another person like that or call anyone else—besides Harry—baby. “I miss you too, what are you doing up so early? Isn’t it like five in the morning there?”
Louis looked beautiful and soft as he talked with Axel, constellations etched over his skin—the same ones Harry used to map out with his tongue—a light flush adorning his cheeks, and a smile made of pure sunshine. Harry had to look away before doing or saying something stupid.
He knew that smile, and he thought that smile only belonged to him. He was clearly completely wrong.
Before that day, he refused to use the term heartbreak, because to his knowledge, hearts could stop but they couldn’t break. However, in that moment, as he saw Louis slipping away from him and falling in love with someone else right in front of his eyes, he finally understood what the saying meant.
Not only that, he also realized that the first crack in his heart didn’t happen that day, but years before.
Bermuda Locket
New York, 2017
I wanna move you somewhere close to ecstasy
I might tell you things some which you won't believe
I wanna view the signals that control your brain
I need a taste, I need your everything.
After they played at Warped back in 2016, Rose Quartz got properly big in record time—in Harry’s eyes. They went from having a very small, but fierce and loyal fanbase, to trending worldwide and having covers on American magazines.
The attention was a bit overwhelming at first, but before he could notice, he got used to it. He tuned out the bad and focused on the good. Never reading any comment or tweet about him, he stuck to Instagram and loubell.
Half of the people who supported him thought Harry was behind the account, the other half thought the person behind it was his secret-not-so-secret lover. If Harry encouraged that idea with his comments and stories, no one had to know.
Harry never meant to get that big, it was never his dream. He couldn’t tell interviewers he dreamed of being listened to by thousands of people. He didn’t fall in love with the stage at first sight, it was gradual, almost imperceptible. But he learned to love every second of it, to love every scream, every light, every chant.
It happened as imperceptibly as the way his relationship with Louis switched yet again. He didn’t mean for things to change, not that first night at his hotel room where they hugged and laughed until both were crying and their stomachs hurt. Nor the next week when Louis took him to his favorite club and they danced until the lights turned on. Not even after he finished his first gig at Panorama and got to squeeze Louis, body sweating and trembling, filled with adrenaline. They held onto each other so fiercely, he was sure he could feel Louis’ heart against his lips when he kissed his neck.
That same night, Louis kissed him for the first time in his hotel room, warm and cautious lips claiming his. He got to explore the body he had only dared to fantasize about for so long.
“You don’t understand how proud I am of you,” Louis whispered against his lips, arms wrapped around Harry’s neck as he let his hands travel from Louis’ back to his ass.
“Yeah?” Harry mouthed against Louis’ jaw, heart thundering inside his ribcage, head screaming at him to fucking move faster. That his dream was materializing in front of his eyes and he was frozen in time.
Louis hummed and nodded, teeth sinking into the swell of his bottom lip at the feeling of Harry rutting his hips against him. His grip on Louis’ ass tightened, fingers trying to dig into his clothed crack.
“Fuck,” Louis exhaled as he pushed his ass back against Harry’s big hands.
“You like that, angel?” Harry grunted as he guided him to the bed.
Louis connected their lips again as a response, only breaking the kiss so Harry could take his shirt off and then pull off his own, leaving them in only their trousers.
“Are you high?” Louis curiously asked, head tilted and no trace of judgment.
“No, do you want me to be?”
“No, I want you to see me. I want you to remember this,” Louis said quietly and unsurely, as if Harry could ever forget this moment, as if he would ever want to see any other person who wasn’t Louis.
Harry cupped Louis’ face with his hands. “I see you. I always see you.”
Louis’ eyes fluttered shut and he let himself be kissed before falling onto the bed, pulling Harry down with him. He couldn't resist taking a moment to tease his pink nipple in his mouth as his hand hovered at the waistline of Louis’ jeans.
Harry froze for a split second, fingers grasping something lacy, then he slowly peeled Louis’ jeans down, uncovering a tiny pair of delicate, almost sheer lace panties showing off his flushed pink cock.
Harry’s mouth watered instantly at the sight as he slowly stripped Louis from his jeans, savouring every moment, every sound that came from his mouth as his tongue ran over the soft fabric covering his balls until the lace was soaked with his saliva. Louis moved the hand Harry had on his hip and guided it behind himself.
Harry smirked against Louis’ thigh, before mouthing his way up to Louis’ jaw. “You want me here, baby?” Harry pulled the soft lace aside before licking into Louis’ mouth, no holding back, feral like a wild animal.
It was messy, Harry knew he was using way more teeth than he should, but Louis was whimpering under him, pulling him closer, asking for more.
Harry raked his teeth over Louis' earlobe. “Want to ride me?” he whispered, before biting into flesh. “Come on my cock?” Louis’ legs opened wider for Harry. “My needy little thing,” he purred in Louis’ ear, fingers finding his entrance. “Wanna feel stuffed, baby?
“Please, please, need you so much.”
Harry let out a low grunt, fingers teasing the surface of Louis’ puckered hole before fumbling for the condoms and lube in his bedside table. He wanted to make this night good for Louis, so good to the point that he would want more, that every time he was with someone new he thought about Harry.
When he turned back, his cock twitched inside his too-tight, black jeans at the sight of Louis’ flushed face and neck, glimmering with sweat, hand going up and down from his tummy to the tip of his cock now poking out of his panties. No picture, no pose would compare with how he looked in that moment in front of Harry.
“Aren’t you fucking exquisite?” He kissed Louis’ inner thigh before sinking his teeth into the soft flesh. “Every bit of you, from the tip of your toe to the top of your head, fucking perfect. ”
Louis didn’t hold back his whimper, pushing Harry’s head firmly against his skin, fingers tight on his hair as he left livid bruises all over his body. He couldn’t stop kissing the boy, even as he shifted to push his jeans down or soaked his fingers with lube, he just couldn't get enough of Louis’ lips, his skin, his sweat. It was addictive, more than any drug he had ever tried.
They were flushed against each other, rutting like animals in heat, desperate and clumsy. Harry’s hard dick sliding against Louis’ thigh as his lubed fingers opened him.
“Harry,” he whined desperately, seeking for more friction, ass clenching around his fingers.
“Fuck, okay, baby,” Harry hissed as he carefully pulled his finger out. Louis let out a loud whimper and looked at Harry with betrayed eyes. “I know, petal, but I think you’re ready to ride me.”
Louis’ breath hitched before he pushed Harry onto his back and clumsily climbed on top of him.
“I promise I’ll wake you up tomorrow with a blowjob,” Louis whispered as he hungrily stared at Harry’s painfully hard cock and rolled a condom on, taking his time to feel the length and the girth. Harry didn’t know what was making his dick throb more: Louis’ hands, the idea of him waking him up with a blowjob, or the fact it wasn’t going to be just a one night thing.
You don’t have to—” Harry began, but he cut off with a harsh breath when Louis aligned himself onto his cock, the fat head breaching his tight asshole. Harry could lose himself in the sight of Louis’ parted lips, small frown on his face and pink lace delicately cutting the skin of his hips.
“God, this is—you’re—” Louis choked out as he bottomed out, eyes fluttering shut and head falling back.
“That’s it, beautiful.” Harry gritted his teeth on a groan as his hands caressed up and down Louis’ back soothingly. Instinctively, he moved his hips causing Louis to sink even deeper onto him, Harry’s balls flushing against his perineum.
“You feel bigger inside, you—it’s insane,” Louis slurred as he began to move up and down. “Too long, too wide, too everything. ”
“You like that, baby? You like to feel full with cock? My cock?” Harry asked, fingers carving bruises intoon Louis’ skin, marking him as his.
“Yours, yours, yours, ” Louis said, repeating it like a mantra as he continued to ride Harry in a frenzy, as the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room.
One of his hands left Louis’ hips and wrapped around the boy’s cock as the other pulled him down with force while Harry began to meet his wild thrusts.
“Oh god,” Louis said breathlessly, leaning back to brace his hands on Harry’s bent legs. Louis’ tender insides clenched around him as he fucked him fast and hard, until one of his thrusts made the boy moan louder than ever before. “Do that again, do— please,” he said with a strangled and desperate voice.
Harry pushed Louis up, forcing his body off his cock before impaling him again with one rough stroke. Harry was sure he could make beautiful music with the strangled mewl Louis let out as he slammed his cock into him.
Louis looked like a sin with the face of an angel. He was the apple, the snake, and Eve. He was the embodiment of temptation and Harry couldn’t help but lose control, flipping them over, moving both of Louis’ legs over his shoulders before mercilessly ramming his cock into Louis again.
Harry’s hand grabbed Louis’ cock, thumb playing with the precome of its tip. “God, you’re so wet,” he said gruffly in Louis’ ear as he kept fucking into him, sweat dripping from his face to Louis’.
“I’m gonna come,” Louis wailed, eyes squeezed shut as Harry licked the tears on his face.
“Then come, angel.”
And as if it had been an order Louis arched his back as come spurted out of his cock, warmth spreading between their bodies as Harry fucked him through it. He buried his face in the crook of Louis’ neck, shoving his cock deep inside him one more time before he was coming too with a soul-deep groan.
After they both recovered, there was a moment of pure silence where Harry thought he might have fucked things over with his best friend. However, he didn’t have enough time to worry before Louis was giggling against his shoulder underneath him.
“I’m pretty sure you’re going to have to carry me everywhere tomorrow.”
“I don’t think that’d be a problem,” he said as he rolled onto his back, pulling Louis on top of him. “Did I really hurt you a lot?” he asked worriedly.
“No, you were incredible, I’m just not very used to the, well… size.”
Harry could swear Louis was blushing, but it also could be a result of the extenuation of their activities. He looked gorgeous; crimson cheeks, bitten lips, and skin displaying the angry bruises Harry left with his mouth and hands.
It was a well known fact Harry loved to see Louis in jewelry, he always thought he looked the prettiest with his neck surrounded by gold, pearl, and diamonds but suddenly he found out he liked Louis’ neck even more when surrounded by his marks.
“I have something for you,” Harry said quietly, afraid to disrupt the moment, still erupted by naked body.
“What is it?” Louis brushed Harry’s wet hair back from his forehead. “Is it another kiss? Because I’d gladly accept another of those.” Harry could write dozens of songs about the smile he was giving him at that moment.
He laughed. “No, but I can also give you more of those,” he said before kissing Louis, tongue softly licking into his mouth.
Louis hummed into the kiss. “Lucky me.” Harry could feel his smile against his lips, the simple gesture making his soft cock twitch. Louis broke the kiss with a hard laugh. “ Really? That does it for you?”
“Oh, shut up,” Harry groaned before rolling over to tickle Louis’ tummy.
“No, no, please , no, wait,” Louis squealed as he tried to free himself from Harry. “I thought you had a gift for me! Where is my gift!” he said between laughter.
“Oh, now you want your gift.” Harry half laughed half groaned against Louis’ neck before letting him go. “Open the left drawer.” He pointed at the nightstand on Louis’ side of the bed.
And, oh god, Louis had a side in his bed.
“Harry...“ Louis whispered in awe as he opened the velvety box. “It’s beautiful, I… this looks really expensive,” he said, holding the necklace.
Harry shrugged. “It’s just a locket,” he said, because it was easier to say that than that as soon as he’d seen the pearl locket on his trip to Bermuda, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much it resembled what Louis was; delicate and strong, surrounded by intricate yet beautiful patterns, unique.
“Well, I think it must be the prettiest locket in the entire world,” Louis softly commented, handing the necklace to Harry before turning his back at him.
“Angel, believe me,” Harry whispered close to Louis' ear as he put the necklace on Louis, before tenderly kissing his shoulder. “I know…”
European Leg, London
Harry was doing fine. Better than that, he was doing amazingly. Charming every person who walked in the studio to interview him for his newest album. He laughed at the right cues and flirted when he had to. The album was about loving life and longing for home, just that.
Sometimes New York was just a place and a bermuda locket was just a bermuda fucking locket.
“Would you please tell me what the fuck you’re doing?” Jason said exasperatedly as Harry finished another interview.
“What are you talking about? I’m doing my job, what else am I supposed to do?”
“You look like a constipated robot with a fucking malfunction.” Jason put a bottle of water in front of him.
“No, I don’t…”
“Harry, you said ‘Ever’ was about climate change, what the fuck?”
He shrugged. “It could be about climate change.”
“Not with, ‘You make that dance look so new and I’m in awe. I'm yours tonight.’, as the lyrics, it can't be!”
“I’m in love with Louis,” Harry blurted out for the first time out loud.
Jason blinked at him. “That’s good, right? I mean, I’m glad you finally came to the obvious conclusion, I just don’t understand, why are you—”
“He’s in love with someone else and I have to move on,” Harry interrupted Jason, rubbing his hands all over his face.
“Fuck… me…” Jason sat on the couch. “Did he tell you that?”
“No, I saw it.”
“Zayn?”
Harry snorted at the irony of it all. “Curiously no, it’s not him… it’s the guy he’s been seeing.”
“The gallery guy? He doesn’t even talk about him!”
“Maybe he’s scared to show too much, Louis has always been a very private person.”
“He has an Instagram account with almost a million followers.” Jason pointed out.
“An account where he doesn’t show his face or actual personal information, that he only uses to promote art, and sometimes my music,” Harry countered.
“Alright, alright”—Jason put his hands up—“don’t get all spiky… What are you going to do then?”
“I told you, I’m gonna have to get over him. He’d be crushed if he finds out I’m moping because he’s happy. I need to be okay for me and for him.”
“Okay, that’s nice, but... how are you going to do that?”
After a few minutes of silence Harry said, “You’re going to help me.”
“Help you with what?”
“To fall out of love,” Harry said, fully knowing that history was repeating itself and that there was no real way out of it.
Pleaser
London, 2017
I’m aware there’s something I should tell you
But my voice annoys me
Bite my tongue off with a smile
I can’t feel it anymore
To Harry, there were a few undeniable things in the world; there was sunlight, there was oxygen, and there was Louis Tomlinson’s beauty. Before Louis, Harry didn’t even know boys could be that pretty. He had traveled the world, watched the most spectacular sunsets, had marveled at the most beautiful landscapes, and yet Louis was still the most beautiful view. Nothing and no one compared to him.
He could talk about practically anything to him, from the new countries he was playing at, to the people he slept with. Louis never batted an eye or judged him. He made Harry feel seen and understood.
Louis was the only person who could make Harry’s heart beat fast and wild or completely stop, just with a smile. He cherished every part of Louis, including his mind and heart. Because Louis was lovely on the skin but even lovelier from within.
Knowing all of this, to come home from a tedious party to find Louis sprawled on his couch, using his clothes and asking for—no, demanding—food, moved something inside Harry, because it felt like that’s exactly how his life and the universe ought to be.
Then, Louis smiled brightly and unabashedly at him. A Harry smile, just for him. And with that, his world shifted again.
I’m falling for you, Harry thought, calmly and easily. As if the realization wouldn’t change everything, as if it wouldn’t have the possibility of dooming his relationship with Louis, turning it into a time bomb ticking. I’m falling so hard and I want to drag you down with me.
“Are you okay?” Louis sat up with a frown on his face.
I think I want to marry you. Harry wanted to say. “Yeah, I’m just… I thought you were going to spend the night with your grandparents before flying back to New York tomorrow,” he said instead.
“I texted you that I was going to come over after all.” Louis shuffled, probably searching for his phone. “I also sent you a Words with Friends match but you never replied, this means I won by default—no no, don’t even think about saying that’s not a thing because it totally is and it’s already written in my phone notes.” He showed Harry his notes. “I cannot delete that, I won fair and square. Did you bring food from the party?”
My god, I want to have a family with you.
“Uh…” Harry was so afraid to talk and spill everything he was feeling. The last thing he wanted was to ruin what he had with Louis. It would break his heart and he wasn’t sure he would ever recover from that. He needed to back off and for that, he needed Louis to back off too. And there was only one way to do that. “No, I…I met someone tonight,” he lied.
For a moment, everything went really quiet.
“That’s… wow… that’s really cool, that’s—amazing.” Louis smiled at Harry.
Harry felt something bitter grow inside him at the reaction. “Mmm, yeah, I’m—I’m very excited he’s… tall,” he said very eloquently. He laughed bitterly, not knowing what he was trying to do, he didn’t know why he said that. He just knew he needed a reaction from Louis, even if it was a negative one.
“Oh… umm guess, well… I guess that’s good. Maybe that’s your type. You date a lot of tall people...”
“Not this tall,” Harry stubbornly bragged about his imaginary date.
“Well, let’s give our pal Gulliver a prize...” Louis sat up and stomped to the kitchen. He was mumbling things Harry couldn’t understand until he walked behind him. “…as if the oxygen up there were better, extra large limbs, try to fucking bend over with that ,” he said as he raised himself with his tiptoes to reach and open Harry’s pantry with no success.
“You do know your height has nothing to do with your flexibility, right?” Harry said close to Louis’ ear as he easily opened the pantry. “Want some cereal?”
“I don’t know why you put all the good things up there, it’s annoying. Stop being annoying.” Louis grabbed the cereal, turning to face Harry looking like a disgruntled kitten. Harry wanted to kiss him all over.
“Your cereal is here.” Harry opened a cupboard beside Louis. “So are your sweets. What were you even looking for on the top shelves? There’s only my boring cereal and canned soup.” Harry titled his head waiting for an answer.
“I wanted soup,” Louis said, squeezing the cereal.
“And my cereal.” Harry pointed at the box before moving his face closer to Louis and his hands delicately grabbed his hips.
“The combination sounds quite tasty.” Louis shrugged.
“Music to your culinary ears?” Harry smiled, nose caressing Louis’.
“Indeed,” Louis said, tilting his head, giving Harry a silent instruction of what he should do next.
He happily obliged.
“Then,” Harry said, slowly nuzzling Louis’ neck, “let me make you some soup, dearest.” He squeezed his hips and quickly kissed his nose before grabbing a soup and a pot.
Louis’ eyes bulged with horror. “Wait— now?”
“Of course,” Harry said, already opening a can of tomato soup. “Let’s have a feast with the food you’re most craving.” He poured the can into a pot with a broad smile. He was so going to regret this.
“Wait, so even the cereal?”
“Well…” Harry trailed off. “We have two options; you can pour two bowls of the boring cereal you’re craving so much, even though you have said several times that you, and I quote, ‘ detest’ it. Or… you can admit you just wanted me to hold you while you were having a strop about tall people, because you know damn well I can’t resist you on your tiptoes.”
Louis sniffed. “Don’t be daft, you can never resist me. Besides,” he added dramatically, “I was not having a strop about tall people. There’s no need to have one. I was actually feeling a bit sorry for them—what do they even do with all the extra bones in their bodies, huh?”
“That’s not how anatomy works, tall people don’t have extra—” Harry turned to see cereal already in a bowl and a carton of milk in Louis’ hand.
“I’m just saying,” Louis said, pouring the milk into the bowl. “Think about me when your tall man misses a step, because it will be a pretty big fall.”
“Fuck this, ” Harry grunted, before closing the gap between Louis and himself, kissing him hard. “You’re a stubborn brat,” he whispered against Louis’ lips.
“But the tomato soup,” Louis whined with fake concern as he opened Harry’s jeans.
“To hell with that, I’m going to fuck you right now,” Harry said, as he frantically helped Louis to take all his clothes off. “Are you plugged, baby?” he asked even though he already knew the answer, him being the one to plug Louis before leaving his house that morning.
“Yes,” Louis hissed as Harry pushed his buttplug deeper inside him before slowly and carefully pulling it out.
“Then climb me, princess,” Harry said, placing both of his hands on Louis’ cheeks and spreading them out.
Louis effortlessly encircled Harry’s waist with both his thighs, letting himself be manhandled and carried. Harry, knowing the boy was well stretched but not so well lubed, opened a cupboard to find coconut oil. Louis quickly noticed what he was about to do and protested.
“Don’t you dare put that in my ass,” Louis said as he bit Harry's bottom lip, hard.
“Ow , why? I read an article that said it’s one of the best natural lubricants for anal sex, baby, don’t worry,” Harry said, opening the bottle with one hand.
“You use that for food,” Louis said, licking Harry’s neck. “What were you doing reading about natural lubes?”
A throaty laugh escaped from Harry as he poured oil onto his hand, making a mess in the process. “Research and who cares, I eat you out all the time, you taste amazing,” Harry said, circling Louis’ ring with the pads of his middle and forefinger to then slowly push them inside of Louis.
“That’s— fuck, so unhygienic, I hope tall boy loves how I taste too, then,” Louis said before kissing Harry roughly and possessively. Harry grunted at the feeling, enjoying every second of Louis’ jealousy.
This wasn’t part of Harry’s plan. He was supposed to stay away from Louis, not fuck him in his kitchen, not whisper how he was the best and that everyone should feel lucky to even smell him.
He was supposed to protect this relationship, not dig a deeper hole for its grave.
They were sprawled on Harry's couch, both sweaty and exhausted, Harry with a dopey smile on his face, not remembering why he even wanted to stay away from Louis.
“Hey… umm… if you want to explore new things…” Louis whispered against Harry’s chest, not daring to look at him. “You can ask your boyfriend if you, you know… want to try, or well if you both want… I—nevermind…” Louis laughed, burying his face even more against Harry.
“What, baby?” Harry whispered reassuringly. “You can tell me anything.”
“I— Fuck … okay. If you guys ever want to bring someone else one night, and you’re missing me and well… I’m missing you, I don’t know, we could—”
Harry was confused by his own feelings, he would love to have Louis even when he supposedly was in a relationship, maintaining a casual and aloof façade that could definitely save their friendship. However, on the other hand, Harry wasn’t really sure if he was ready to see Louis kissing and fucking somebody else.
I’ll have you in any way you let me. Harry's stubborn brain thought. “I don’t… think that’d work out for any of us, sorry,” he said instead, a bit choked.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Louis said hurriedly, “that—that’s completely okay, I get it.” His face was crimson red, but his eyes had an unreadable look.
“It’s just, I don’t know if I want to share,” Harry whispered honestly, the last thing he wanted was to share Louis. “I’m really, really sorry.”
“Hey,” Louis said, looking at him for the first time since the conversation started. “It’s okay, baby, don’t apologize.” He caressed Harry’s cheek. “It was a bit selfish of me but you’re right. You deserve this and I’m honestly really happy you found someone you feel so strongly about. You deserve someone good, to feel love.”
And wasn’t that ironic? Because, Harry thought, Louis not only deserved someone good but the best . Louis with his bright eyes and noble heart, who could be soft and tender or as sharp as a blade. Louis, whose voice sounded like melted honey, warm and velvety in Harry’s ears and loud, loud, loud .
Harry knew from the get-go that he wasn’t what Louis needed or wanted. Harry with his insecurities and fears, with his jealousy.
So there he was, lying with the boy of his dreams trying his hardest to fall out of love with him. Because Louis deserved better, even in friends. And Harry could do it, he could be the best friend Louis actually needed.
“Okay,” Harry mumbled.
Everything felt immensely fragile, as if Harry could feel how Louis was beginning to slip through his fingers. He held him closer and tighter to himself. Louis did exactly the same and Harry wondered if the boy felt as scared as he did.
Two weeks later Harry was the one calling Louis to join him and Xander for a night, and a new set of rules began. He fucked Xander for almost a year. It was practical and made Louis kiss him harder, ride him faster, and hug him longer.
The day Xander ended things with him he asked why he didn’t try to tell Louis how he really felt. Harry simply replied that he refused to ruin him.
Xander gave him a sad smile and said, “I think you’re already doing that.”
Oceania Leg, Sydney
The only thing Jason did to help Harry to get over Louis was to give him a clap on the back and the option to not let Louis onto his floor of the hotel. He rejected both. The last thing he wanted was Louis feeling any change in his relationship with Harry—it wasn’t his fault it took him years to finally decide he needed to let Louis go.
Harry noticed the boy at the beginning of their soundeck at Qudos Bank—their first arena in Australia—camera bigger than his entire face, moving at the same time Harry did, in sync.
He turned around to see if Mitch knew who he was but the face of his friend echoed Harry’s confusion. They played two more songs before his curiosity got the best of him.
“Hey, you, the one with the camera,” Harry said into the microphone.
The boy looked around, feigning innocence before mouthing, “Me?”, big blue eyes sparkling with mischief. Harry was intrigued.
“Yeah you, do you work at the arena?”
The boy chuckled. “I work for you, rockstar,” he semi-screamed from his place in the crowd.
Harry frowned, confused by the information, he was almost sure Louis and his team were handling that. “Says who?”
“My contract?” The boy tilted his head, brown hair looking impossibly silky thanks to the stage lights. He was looking at Harry as if he were the dumbest person he had ever met, and for some reason that made Harry want to smile.
“I think you better talk about this with Jason right now,” Mitch said with a concerned gaze. “I was just talking with Louis this morning about this new technique he wanted to try with us, I don’t think he knew about this.”
“Has he?” Isaac said tiredly from his place. “I mean, he can talk with Jason later, after the soundcheck, but has he got to go right now?”
“Yes, now, he has to.”
“Why?” Isaac insisted. “Don’t you think Louis needs a well-deserved break? I don’t know if you both forgot about this but he isn’t here to take shots of your best angles. The poor guy has been splitting himself in half since the beginning of the tour, directing his crew and taking pictures of you two. It’s not fair for him, it’s a lot of work for one single person.”
“Well…” Mitch blinked. “I still have a feeling here.” He touched his stomach. “It’s not good.”
Isaac rolled his eyes. “I think you just finally became allergic to gluten.”
“Don’t you dare say that ever again!”
Harry was aware that Isaac was right, it wasn’t fair to Louis, not in the slightest. It didn’t matter how much he loved to feel Louis’ eyes on him during his shows, or how much he was going to miss the secret signals and smiles as he danced around the stage with his camera. Louis deserved to fully focus on his job without feeling overworked, and if that meant accepting a new photographer in the middle of the tour, so fucking be it.
“As riveting as this is, I think grumpy over there is right and you need to continue with the soundchek, because I might not have ‘Louis’ new techniques’”—he winked at Mitch—“but I still have to do my job.”
Harry suppressed another smile. “Well, if you say so, we must continue now. Let’s not keep the prince waiting.”
“Formalities aren’t really necessary, you can call me Noah, your new photographer.”
“Well, welcome to the team, Noah, my new photographer.”
“All yours,” Noah said with a mischievous grin before taking a snap of Harry as he let the smile he was suppressing run free, wide and honest.
“Very, very bad feeling,” Mitch murmured behind him.
The soundcheck continued without any other interruption, Harry was about to follow Noah to the member’s lounge afterwards when he heard Louis' voice coming from one of the dressing rooms.
“I just don’t understand. What’s the point of bringing a new photographer in now. We are taking pictures, I am taking pictures, aren’t they good enough?”
“They’re plenty good, it’s just not your job. Our team isn’t paying you for taking pictures.”
“I don’t mind taking them.”
“You can’t do everything, this is me helping you.”
“Is it?” Louis inquired with an odd tone.
“Yes! What other reasons could I have for bringing a new photographer for the tour?”
“I don’t know… you tell me why you’re only bringing him on in the middle of the tour… why now?” Louis said in an accusatory tone.
“What’s going on?” Harry stepped inside the room, aching to hold and comfort Louis but stopping himself at the sight of Jason’s hard look. “I heard you talking about Noah,” he said instead, as he crossed his arms in a weak attempt to control his limbs.
“Who’s Noah?” Louis frowned.
“The new photographer,” Jason said cautiously. “I gather you already met him,” he told Harry.
“Yeah, at soundcheck.”
“Everything alright?” The question was charged but Harry couldn’t point out exactly what Jason was really trying to ask.
“Yeah, he’s…” Harry licked his lips, a small smile growing on his face again. “Cool.”
“Oh…” Louis’ brows knitted even more. “Well, if… uh, if you think he’s alright, we can split the work, he takes some pictures in some places and I—”
“I don’t think that’s really necessary, Noah can do the work,” Jason chimed in.
Louis arched a brow, a fierce look on his face. “Okay, that’s your opinion and it’s very valid but this isn’t your show—this is Harry’s show.”
Hearing Louis talking like that always made Harry’s body light up with want. He had to bite his lips hard to suppress any type of praise for his boy. “I think Jason is right,” Harry forced himself to say instead. “You’re doing too much for me, and I’d hate if you were to get sick because of that. I can’t keep burdening you like this.”
Louis’ face shut down, leaving a blank mask and an unreadable look. Harry wanted to take everything back—to hell with the new photographer—he just wanted to give Louis anything he wanted.
But what about what he needs?, said a stubborn voice inside his head, who oddly sounded like Isaac.
“Angel, I—”
“No, you’re right, I need to take a step back, maybe now it’s time,” Louis said with a neutral voice and a small smile on his face. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some stuff to check for tonight’s show.”
“Louis, wait—” Harry began to move before Jason grabbed him by the shoulder.
“Let him go, H, we also have stuff to do.” Harry wanted to protest, but Jason’s eyes looked tired and a bit melancholic.
Giving one last look to the door where Louis walked out, he nodded at Jason and allowed his manager to drag him out of the room, far away from Louis.
Golden
New York, 2017
We were golden
Got nothing but time
We were golden
I see how perfect you are for me
The first time Harry realized he wanted to take care of Louis was after his first meeting with L28’s investors. A meeting where Louis fiercely fought for his dream for hours, for what they deserved, not only as a studio, but as artists. Louis sat there and showed them stats, results, and even brought in a lawyer.
From afar, the situation looked exhaustive and almost impossible. He was in his twenties fighting against big old sharks as if they were little fishes. He was quick and witty and Harry was fascinated by him.
After hours and hours of discussion, when they were finally sprawled on their—because to Harry, his brand new loft also belonged to Louis—couch, Louis looked happy, yet so very small. The sight made Harry’s heart constrict inside his chest. He knew Louis was larger than life and was going to take care of it all. However, Harry’s mind kept screaming at him, But who’s going to take care of Louis?
Without thinking much, he got up and went to the fridge; he collected water, fruit, and Louis’ favorite chocolate.
“Come sit here,” Harry said, sitting on the couch after he put all the things on the coffee table.
“What?” Louis frowned, but easily moved closer to Harry.
“Sit on my lap,” Harry commanded. He was almost sure he was going to have to convince Louis to do so. They fucked around when they needed to, but they never did these types of things outside the bedroom, or after their drunk encounters.
“Okay,” Louis breathed out.
Harry’s body filled with some type of electricity—he didn’t have to repeat himself . For some strange reason, he wanted to praise Louis because of it, tell him how good he was. “Are you comfortable?” he questioned instead.
“Mhm.” Louis blinked softly.
“Good,” Harry said, as he moved a bit to grab the tray with water and food. “Here.” He held a bottle of water for Louis. “Small sips,” he ordered, and Louis obeyed. This time his mouth was quicker than his mind and without realizing he was saying, “Good boy, ” close to Louis’ ear.
For a few seconds everything stilled and a wave of mortification ran through his body, but then he felt Louis’ body going lax as a small whimper escaped from his mouth.
“Open wide, baby.” Harry’s voice sounded even lower than before as he hand-fed Louis a strawberry. Juice was dripping over his finger and hand. “I’m all sticky now.”
“Maybe I could… umm…”
“What, baby?” Harry asked, fully knowing what Louis was craving to do. Sticky fingers playing with his bottom lip.
As a form of reply, Louis parted his lips, tongue flicking over Harry’s thumb like an invitation. Harry slipped his finger inside Louis’ mouth easily, body vibrating and trying to suppress a grunt from the feeling of Louis sucking him clean. He pulled one finger out and fed him another.
“You’re so lovely. So, so lovely.”
Louis almost mewled as he tilted his head against the hand that was stroking his cheek. Stained red lips silently pleading for more, and Harry was so prepared to give him everything. He looked like a pretty flower ready to bloom.
“Let me take care of you, angel.”
“Please, ” Louis whimpered.
He didn’t exactly know what he was doing, just that it felt right. Taking care of Louis, holding him down, taking over just for a few hours, maybe a night.
He hand-fed Louis a few more times, watching how, slowly but surely, all the tension in his body escaped. Harry had never felt this way before, dizzy with desire to hold and protect someone.
“You like this, baby?” Harry whispered, cleaning Louis’ bottom lip with his thumb. “You like me taking care of you?” he said, before kissing Louis’ lips. “My sweet angel, I want to spoil you rotten.”
They never talked to each other like this, not even when they fucked. Harry has tried before with other people but it felt too intimate, almost wrong. While with Louis it felt perfect, right.
All that was new and a bit scary, it felt like too much of everything: desire, tenderness, power. He still laid Louis on the couch, and without thinking much, he pinned both his hands above his head. Louis moaned against his mouth at the feeling and spread his legs so Harry could fit between them.
Harry’s skin prickled with anticipation. He wanted to crawl inside Louis’ skin, under his bones, and be part of him, mark him all up. This on the other hand, wasn’t a new feeling for him, and Louis looked so ready for it. He was pleading for Harry, with voice and body, giving him all the access and permission.
He undressed him slowly before kissing Louis behind his ear, just the way he liked, trailing slowly down his neck until he reached his already hard nipple. Louis whimpered and tensed beneath Harry at the feeling of his teeth softly caressing it.
“Harry, please.”
“What do you want, lovely? Ask me and I’ll give you anything you want.”
“I…” Louis trailed off, eyes slightly unfocused. “I want anything you want,” he whispered, almost shyly. Harry has never seen Louis like this. “I want to—I want…”
“To be my good boy,” Harry finished with a gravelly voice before biting softly on his nipple, eyes never leaving Louis’. “Right, angel?”
Louis let out a mixture between a moan and a deep sob. He was still looking at Harry with reverent eyes and a flushed face. Harry didn’t need a reply, but he still encouraged one.
“Is that okay?” Louis whispered, shy and sweet, and Harry could melt on the spot. “I don’t want to be too greedy.”
“Lovely…” Harry almost grunted, lips now brushing Louis’ as he talked. “You could never be too greedy. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I want and need to give it to you.” He mouthed the words into Louis’ jaw. “ Bad,” he whispered, before kissing Louis’ throat, teeth biting him. “Hard. Just let go for me, I got you.”
“Please .”
Harry pulled back and licked Louis’ neck. “Please what, baby?”
“Want to let go.”
“My good boy,” Harry whispered, trailing his lips down. Louis’ muscles quivered under every part his tongue touched. “Let me take care of you, make you feel so good until the only thing you need to think about is how full of my come your pretty hole is going to be.” He tugged Louis’ joggers down to nibble at his pelvis. “Would you like that? Me filling you up and fucking all your worries away?”
Louis let out another cry. Harry wondered if it was due his words or the fact that he was slowly lowering his pants, biting and sucking every inch of naked skin, desperate and hungry, as if he was a starving man.
“God, baby, you’re so soft,” Harry grunted, before dragging his tongue over Louis’ hard balls. “Your skin, your eyes, your voice… ” he said, pushing the material of Louis’ pants even lower. The kisses turned languid, sloppier, more tongue than teeth, but still leaving a mark on Louis’ delicate skin. “Everything about you is soft and beautiful. Like a flower petal. You’re my petal, ” he said, sucking a big mark on Louis’ thigh. “My soft petal.”
Harry felt a hand over his head, pulling his hair a bit. “Now, baby, did I tell you you could move your hands?”
“But I—”
“But nothing,” Harry cut him off as he grabbed Louis by the hips and pulled him down. “Tonight, you will let me please you, understood?”
Louis mewled as his eyes lost a bit of focus.
“That’s not a reply, petal.” He nosed down between Louis’ shoulder and jaw to whisper, “I said, understood?”
“Please, yes.”
“Yes what? Yes, you will continue being a brat?”
“I’ll be a good boy. I understood.”
“That wasn’t that hard, right, baby?” said Harry, molasses thick as he pulled a piece of cherry gum in the form of a heart from his jeans pocket. “Now…” He pulled Louis' bottom lip with his thumb before putting the baby pink candy inside Louis’ mouth. “I don’t want to see any bite marks, I want this to be intact when I’m finished with you. Don’t chew, don’t swallow. You will stay quiet while I suck you off and praise you, and you’re going to listen to every single word I say. How fucking perfect you are, how much you deserve. You will let go.”
Louis’ eyes fluttered at the command, but he nodded nonetheless. Harry took his sweet time with Louis' body as he ran his tongue over his nipples, nibbling gently at his ribs and licking a line just below his navel until he got to Louis’ pink, dripping cock. Harry’s mouth watered at the sight of the small pool of precome forming on Louis’ belly, and licked it clean without ever touching where Louis needed him the most.
He spent a few minutes more exploring every inch of Louis’ body for the first time. Long gone were the quick and desperate fucks just to release some steam. What they were about to do was a lot more than that and many things could change if Louis realized how much more Harry actually wanted for and from him. Still, it was a risk that he was ready to take if that meant seeing Louis lose himself so prettily.
“You will do as I say, right, baby boy?” Harry’s adoring gaze landed on Louis’ cock instantly twitching from the pet name.
“Oh god ,” Louis whispered.
“You like when I boss you around?” he asked, nipping Louis’ thigh. “Like when I’m a bit rough?”
“Ha-Harry— ” Louis began, but before he could finish, Harry sucked Louis’ cock into his mouth.
The sound that came from Louis' throat made Harry want to swallow everything he had to offer. He sunk further down, cock barely hitting the back of his mouth, nose easily rubbing his pelvis. He was petite all over and Harry couldn’t get enough of him. He breathed in, getting intoxicated by a sweet and musky smell, a mix between pre-come, spit, and Louis’ body lotion. Harry was sure he could come just from that.
When he heard Louis whimpering for more, he pulled back, teeth skimming Louis’ length until they reached his wet head, giving it a gentle bite.
“Show me your candy, princess,” Harry said with a deep, wrecked voice. Louis’ eyes began to fill with tears and some twisted part of Harry felt a thrill because of it. “I’m not going to fuck you unless you show me your candy.”
“Please, Dadd— ” Louis made a strangled noise and closed his eyes.
Harry swallowed hard, the realization of what Louis was about to say hitting him like a truck as he watched Louis squirm under him. “What did you say...?”
Louis fidgeted, but only a soft whine came out of his mouth.
“Alright, if you don’t want to tell me, then show Daddy your candy.”
A mixture between a sob and a moan came out of Louis’ mouth as tears finally fell down onto his face freely. Still, he obeyed Harry’s orders, pink tongue darting out, showing Harry his now bitten candy.
“Angel, you bit it,” Harry cooed, booping Louis’ pretty nose.
“I’m so sorry,” Louis breathed out, sounding genuinely devastated.
“I’m so sorry, who?”
Louis gasped, hips rolling, desperately trying to grind up against Harry’s thigh in search of friction. “I’m-I’m so sorry, D-Daddy.”
Harry couldn't hold himself back anymore and kissed Louis again, hot and filthy, shoving his tongue into Louis’ mouth, just taking everything he wanted. “You’re such a good angel, you tried your best and apologized, that deserves a reward.” He shifted slightly, rubbing the length of his still clothed cock on Louis’ naked and soft thighs, licking the crest of his Adam’s apple, lazily and slowly, as if he had all the time in the world.
Louis shivered underneath him, spreading his legs for him instantly, beautifully.
“Turn around,” Harry ordered.
Louis whimpered but complied easily, with feline-like elegance, Harry was fascinated by each and every single one of his movements. He had to back away slightly so he could admire his boy properly, having all his beauty in front of him. Louis looked as if he were sculpted by hand, every inch of his body made to accentuate the next one in perfect harmony, curved edges, beautifully smooth skin, ass round and meaty with a light dusting of silky and soft hair making it look like a ripe peach.
Louis was enticing, and he knew well all of Harry’s weak points. He didn’t wait for an order to arch his back, ass tilting invitingly into the air and using one of his hands to pull his left cheek, exposing his pink and hairless hole.
Harry couldn’t help but tease the entrance with his thick thumb before slapping his ass, watching Louis jolt at the ministration.
“You like that…” Harry said throatily, voice sounding almost reverent. His hand ran over the stretch of Louis’ back, who simply gave another moan as a reply.
Harry knew they had some lube in a box on the coffee table, but they didn’t need condoms, not anymore. Not since they got tested every time they saw each other. He didn’t know if Louis was sleeping with other people—Harry certainly wasn’t—but they were both clean.
“We can do whatever you want, angel,” Harry murmured, coating his fingers with lube. “Go as slow or hard as you want.” He said it conversionally, as though he was talking about the weather. He pressed a slick finger to Louis’ tight hole, fucking in and out to the sound of Louis’ muffled wailings. “Or… I could spend hours licking that sweet ass of yours, make you come with mouth only.” He swatted Louis’ cheek again before soothing the red mark with his palm while he nudged a second finger in alongside his first. “Would you like that, petal? Or do you want Daddy to fill your needy hole with his cock?”
“Fuck… ” Louis slurred, pushing back onto Harry’s fingers as he began to scissor them inside him. “I want your cock, I want you now, please. ”
Harry loved the little gasps and whines Louis was making. “You beg so prettily, angel.” He used one hand to spread his cheeks again, mouth watering at the sight of Louis’ hole clenching around his fingers. “But I’m not going to fuck you right now.”
“What ? But Dad—” If Louis had been planning to finish that sentence, his train of thought got completely lost the moment Harry licked a broad stripe up his crack, his cry turning into something more akin to a moan.
Harry ate him out, teasing him first, leaving light and slow licks. After that, he began to swirl his tongue over his hole, making Louis push his ass further into Harry’s face. In response, Harry held Louis’ hips still, nails digging into the soft flesh as his tongue pushed against Louis’ ring, coating his insides with his saliva in addition to the lube. The most wonderfully obscene noises spilled from Louis' mouth when Harry spanked him again with all he had, hard and merciless. Both sounds echoing in his mind like a filthy mantra. Louis didn’t just like it, he fucking loved it.
Not two, but three fingers replaced his mouth in a swift movement; and with a harsh bite on his abused cheek, he moved on top of him. “Still want my cock, angel?” Harry questioned, moving his other hand to wrap it around Louis’ throat.
“Want it so bad, Daddy.” Louis twisted his head, mouth begging to be kissed. Harry knew there was drool on his nose and chin, but instead of making Louis recoil, he licked and kissed Harry’s mouth and face like a thirsty kitten.
“God, you’re so desperate, I’ve never seen you like this,” Harry growled in awe as he watched Louis writhe beneath him, fucking himself onto his slicked fingers.
He eventually pulled out, shushing Louis’ cries at the loss as he coated his cock with lube and lined himself against Louis’ reddened hole.
“Daddy!” Louis sobbed when Harry pushed his thick cock deep into his ass, in one single, long thrust. Harry put his hands on Louis’ hips again and began to pull out, only leaving the head of his cock inside before he pushed back in with the same force as the first thrust. “ God, ” his boy nearly screamed, fist beating the couch once.
That made something break inside Harry, making him snap his hips up fast and harsh. He fucked him just like that a handful of times, the jiggle of Louis’ ass bouncing against his pelvis while making dirty sounds that overwhelmed him with lust. Louis was always pliant and soft, but nothing could compare to how he felt under Harry that night as he rolled his hips frantically, trying to feel even more friction. He felt desperate, needy. As if he was training and molding his body to fit Harry’s cock only. Some fucked up and deeply possessive part of Harry was having a field day with that.
“Just like that, angel. You’re taking me so fucking good.” Harry reached forward and tangled his fingers in Louis’ hair, pulling him up, body arched.
Louis moaned, hand flying to Harry’s neck, trying to find a balance or something to hold onto as he let Harry fuck him with short and hard thrusts while sucking a mark on Louis’ neck. Louis gave a yelping moan, a sweet sound Harry was used to, that indicated he hit the right spot.
“Yes, Daddy, there!” Louis breathed out between choked sobs.
“That’s it, petal, so beautiful,” Harry growled, pounding inside him, hitting that same spot over and over again, one hand on Louis’ throat and the other holding him by his lower tummy, small cock hitting the back of his hand, wetting it with pre-come with each thrust. “You’re fucking mine. Only I get to see you like this, only me, mine. ”
“I’m yours,” Louis babbled, lolling his head back on Harry’s shoulder so Harry could look at him as he said, “You’re my only daddy, no one else but you.”
Harry was aware that people said things they didn’t mean while fucking and that there was a big possibility that Louis was only indulging him, but he couldn’t care less. In that moment, with Louis’ ass clenching around his cock, fat tears running down his face, and on the edge of what seemed like one of the biggest orgasms he had ever had with Harry so far, Louis was only his.
Louis' hips moved erratically in an attempt to bring Harry deeper inside him. The hand pressed against Harry's neck pulled him in close for a sloppy kiss. “ Yours, yours, yours, ” he whispered over and over again against his mouth.
“Then come for me,” Harry ordered, giving one last rough thrust against Louis’ prostate before the boy was coming with a loud cry all over his stomach and Harry’s hand. The clenching of his ass felt so heavenly around his cock that he couldn’t help but push Louis against the mattress as he kept shoving his length deep inside him, chasing his own release.
It didn’t take too long before Harry was coming inside Louis, groan muffled against Louis’ neck, body shuddering as waves of pleasure filled him. He only managed to keep some sense of not crushing Louis, who looked completely spaced out—the only sign that he was in fact awake being his small hand stroking the back of Harry’s neck.
After he recovered, Harry licked and nipped Louis’ shoulder lazily as Louis continued to tremble underneath him.
“You were so incredibly good, angel,” Harry praised him, as he turned the boy to face him. “So perfect, I’m so proud,” the words were full of meaning, because Harry was proud of his angel. His strong and self-sufficent boy let go so fucking beautifully for him, without holding back, and Harry knew how big that was for Louis.
The boy's smile was soft and small, but blinding. He looked relaxed and floaty, genuinely content. Harry looked at him with reverence, it was the most beautiful sight he had ever encountered.
Later that night, Harry put them both in a warm bubble bath so he could clean and pamper Louis in the way he deserved.
“So…” Louis said, small voice muffled against Harry’s neck as he moved Harry’s big hand to rub against his soft tummy. “I know you leave tomorrow, and this is just some release for you but… I liked what we did today, I don’t know if you’re aware of what happened, but I’d like to keep doing it with you…”
Every single word that came from Louis’ mouth caused whiplash on Harry’s brain. Should he come clean and tell him how he really felt? But what if his confession made Louis not want to be with him anymore?
“I know it was different,” Harry chose to say, reckoning it wasn’t the best time to unload everything he felt for his best friend in that moment, when everything felt so fucking raw. “I also want to keep doing it.” He kissed his shoulder.
“You don’t think it was weird?”
“Baby, did you see how hard I was, how fucking wild…”
“I’d like to keep calling you that,” Louis whispered shyly. “I also liked that you bossed me around, and uhm.. when you kept going even after I came. I felt helpless, but completely safe, I didn’t have to think as much because you were giving me what I needed.”
“I want to give you that always, those were my intentions when I sat you on my lap, but I do feel we need to search a bit more about all of it, I don’t want to hurt you. I need to know your limits.”
“But you leave tomorrow… ” Louis said quietly.
Harry shrugged. “We can start today.”
And investigate they did. They discovered Louis liked to be praised and lifted up, up, up, until he reached the sky, as much he loved to be tied down and grounded to earth, leaving all his trust and control with Harry until all his worries disappeared under the pressure of his caresses.
It also turned out, Harry could be very strict when he set his mind to it and Louis most needed. They didn’t need to be close, or even in the same country, for Louis to be a good boy for Harry. Sometimes, he just needed to accept and eat the food and desserts Harry sent for him.
They had punishments too. Every time Louis overworked himself or didn’t sleep enough, he had to pay fees in the form of spanks—if they were together—or by simply not coming until he was a crying mess, or Harry’s personal favorite:he had to come as many times as he pleased.
It was nothing too extreme, nothing groundbreaking, but Louis looked relaxed and more content every time Harry saw him; and to him, that was the only thing that really mattered.
Asian Leg, Tokyo
Noah was… Harry didn’t have words to describe him. They clicked right away, it felt like catching up with a long-lost friend. He learned the boy was from LA, born and raised, and that Jason had contacted him out of nowhere. All his friends thought it was a bad idea to fly to the other side of the world to take some pictures of “cocky boys who were pretending to be rockstars", but Noah had always loved a good adventure, and Jason’s offer sounded like it could be one of the biggest of his life.
“Isn’t it sad that we are in one of the most exciting and interesting cities in the whole fucking world and we’re stuck between the hotel and here?” Harry grumbled to Noah, eyebrows pulling together in a frown.
Harry spent all morning and a big part of the afternoon rehearsing for their show, and Louis was back at the hotel doing his best impression of a human cacti, avoiding him in subtle, yet very clear ways. Mix all those things together and you got a very irritable and trapped Harry.
“Then we should go,” Noah said as he lay on the stage and played with his camera. “Let’s explore Tokyo, just you and me.”
Harry thought about it for a moment, mouth turning up at the corners. “Alright,” he said eventually because, why the hell not?
“Wait… for real?” Noah got up quickly, surprise washing over his features.
“Sure,” Harry answered with a small shrug, he didn’t have many options at the moment so he’d take whatever looked like a plan B.
“Well then, rockstar, let’s have an adventure.”
They went to eat cream puffs in Shiro-Hige, visited an exhibition at the Design Festa Gallery, and ended their night at a mysterious cafe bar with pieces of glass tiles decorating the walls called Mother.
The city was alive outside the bar and Harry could hear the cacophony of the traffic and people. It felt as if they were cocooned by the chaos of the place, as if they could breathe in and touch it without being swirled into it. It made him feel less like he didn’t belong.
“This place is surreal,” Harry murmured as they walked.
Noah hummed with an easy grin on his face. “Just stay with me, I know more places for secret trysts.”
Somehow the words felt familiar on Harry’s ears, igniting something deep inside him. There had been moments between them throughout the day, he felt it when Noah reached for his hand before they exited the theatre, and when he caught Noah’s mesmerized eyes full of tears as he admired the paintings and photographs at the gallery.
Noah ran his fingers over Harry’s jacket playfully before tugging it, it was just a mere pull that brought Harry closer to him, made him lean in. Harry noticed that his eyes lingered on his mouth.
“I don’t kiss on the first date,” Harry whispered close to Noah’s ear, hands tucked into his trouser pockets.
“Good thing I didn't plan to do that,” Noah whispered back.
And if Noah ended up on his knees with Harry’s fingers tangled in his hair in a hidden alley, then that wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs.
He couldn’t wait to tell Louis about the new places they found, to take him there, to explore new places with him, maybe even tell him about Noah so he could finally open up about Axel. But for that to happen, Louis needed to stop ignoring him first.
Unfortunately, since his night out with Noah, things had gone from bad to worse between them. Louis was moodier and brattier than usual, and that made Harry’s skin itch to do something, to put Louis in his rightful place—that being completely naked and on Harry’s lap.
The whole crew were having breakfast the last morning of the tour before their first break and Louis was ignoring every single thing Harry was telling him when an idea came into his mind.
“Hey, sweetheart, can you stop pouting and pass me the salt?” Harry whispered into his ear.
Louis looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Are you talking to me, or did you just mistake me for another person?”
Two spanks, that’ll do, his stubborn brain told him.
Harry smirked. “Who else would I be talking to, doll?”
Louis’ eye twitched before pasting a fake, sugary smile on his face. “No problem, snookums. ”
Three, hard ones.
“Aren’t you a sweet thing, honey?”
“You know it, cupcake,” Louis said, almost shoving the salt into Harry’s hand. “Well, while you eat your disgustingly salty eggs, I will take a shower first. Heard your room had remarkable water pressure, I’ll see if I can leave you a bit of warm water, sugarplum, but I really doubt it,” he said with a fake pout.
A full set, very hard ones and he isn’t allowed to come until he’s crying and begging for it.
“You little—“
“Hey, pumpkin , no cursing at the table—at least not in front of the kids,” Louis tutted playfully, nodding towards the rest of the crew who were all looking at them with bewilderment, including Noah. “It’s very improper.”
Shutting down the dumb part of his brain, Harry knew how to recognize an olive branch when he saw one, so he took it and went along with it.
They were going to be okay.
Take It or Leave It
Chicago, 2018
Maybe I should pack my things and move on
Maybe I’m fooling myself and you’re already gone
People warned him about excess in the music industry, about drugs and dodgy situations, about how he could lose everything in an instant if he didn’t have enough control; however, nobody warned him about baby blue eyes and dainty men in short skirts. Harry had to find out in the hardest of the ways how much they could make someone lose control, and how little he cared about it.
“Do you believe in love?” Louis asked one night into the dark bedroom with a voice so soft that Harry almost blurted, Yeah, when I’m with you.
He still leaned against the touch of Louis’ hand on his cheek, fingers still inside Louis. So warm . So perfect.
“Do you?” Harry mentally clapped himself on the back when his voice didn’t waver.
“I think—” Louis said while leaving a tender kiss on Harry’s chest. “It’s an unavoidable feeling, a time consuming one. But with the right person, place or thing, I think it could be beautiful. Maybe that’s the reason why everyone is so desperate to find it.”
Louis kept tenderly brushing his thumb against his jawline in the way Harry loved so much. He opened his eyes, heart pounding against his chest, streetlights softly illuminating Louis’ face. “Have you ever felt that? Love , I mean.”
“Yes,” Louis replied easily. “I love my family, I love directing. Art. My home. ” He kissed Harry’s chin. “I love so many things and so many people.” He laughed easily.
Harry didn’t feel like laughing. That wasn’t the reply he was expecting or hoping for. Sure, he knew Louis loved all those things but, what about him? Not even a friendly love? A guy who makes me smile, laugh, and come, love? Nothing?
“Do you want to fall in love with someone, someday?” Louis asked almost shyly, with a look Harry couldn’t recognize.
He knew he was being childish. That it wasn't Louis' fault that he couldn’t feel the same things as him.
Harry gulped, avoiding Louis’ intense gaze. “I don’t find the appeal of that.” The lie came out easily but felt foreign, not being used to lying like that to Louis. “Love, falling in love, whatever. It just… complicates things.”
“You really think that?” Louis said with an odd smile and a small frown appearing on his lovely face.
Harry felt exposed, bare for the first time that night. “Yeah, I don’t get why people are so eager to expose themselves to just get hurt in the end. It’s dumb, a waste of time.” Louis shifted again, hand slipping off his face. Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe. Fingers tensing, still inside of Louis. “You said so yourself,” he said while he saw Louis’ eyelashes flutter and breathing speed up. Louis might not want his love, but he for sure wanted his fingers moving in and out of him. “There’s so many things and people to love, why pick just one?”
The next morning, Louis broke things off with him, telling him it was better if they stopped having sex, if they just stayed friends. Harry swallowed bile and plastered a big smile on his face as he replied to the love of his life that he also agreed that it was for the best.
Louis didn’t show up to his award show, didn’t send him a text when he won three of the categories he was nominated for. So Harry did the only logical thing he could do in that moment; he fucked the first woman that flirted with him and took her to his hotel room, in the same bed he’d fucked Louis in just hours before.
He wished for things to be different. Wished he meant more to Louis. Wished Louis could love him like Harry loved him. Wished his lips didn’t ache to press against his skin, or he didn’t long to wrap his arms around him. But wishing didn’t change a single fucking thing.
Harry was warned about so many things, but no one warned him about one of the most dangerous ones, love.
First Tour Break
Things didn’t get back to normal, they didn’t have time for that to happen. After their last show they went their separate ways and would remain like that for an entire month.
Noah, on the other hand, stayed with him for one more night in Tokyo, claiming they had to visit the vampire bar that they couldn't go to before. They fucked for the first time that night, it was wild and fast. Noah tasted like cheap booze and giddiness. Soon enough, one night became two, and after a few weeks they had been seeing each other for almost the entirety of the break.
Things were easy with Noah, there were no complications or heavy knots in his stomach when he talked about other people he fancied. They had a real “friends with benefits” relationship, with no jealousy or fear of catching unwanted feelings.
Don’t get him wrong, Harry genuinely liked and cared about Noah. He was one of the most beautiful boys he had ever seen. With his short light brown hair, blue eyes, and small curvy body, he was basically pulled straight out of Harry’s wet dreams. His personality was even more attractive if anyone asked him, sassy and clever with a heart of gold, ready to help anyone who needed him. Yet, after an entire month, he couldn’t find himself wanting more than what they had. There was something missing, and Harry didn’t want to ponder too much about what it was.
Everything was going—if not great, they were good, but as is well known, all good things must come to an end. They had to burst the bubble that they were living in to go back to reality. Reality being the States, where Rose Quartz would resume their tour.
Noah had to go back to LA, with his friends and family ,and Harry went back to New York, to his cold, almost empty Soho loft. He also had obligations to fulfill and fake people to impress at an industry party. It wasn’t just any party, but one that was dedicated to his band and its future documentary, so there was no way out of it.
He knew Louis was going to be there with Axel, they were a powerful duo in the New York scene; a trust fund kid flaunting his money, lack of talent, and his brilliant and beautiful… something— because they still weren’t a couple, not an official nor an exclusive one. And the said something who was now carving his name in not only galleries, but indie film festivals as well.
However, Harry didn’t expect to witness how fucking good they looked beside each other, how well Louis fitted there, in an environment Harry knew very well he himself would never be comfortable being a part of. Louis on the other hand, looked relaxed and content as he charmed everyone who greeted him.
When Louis finally reached him, Harry was already a bit more than just tipsy, but still refused to lose his cool.
He was Harry fucking Styles after all.
Even in his slightly drunken state, he could still see the worry in Louis' eyes, and that only made him feel more bitter and reckless.
“Where did your arm candy go?” Harry slurred, tilting his beer bottle back to drink from it, all his attention focused solely on Louis, as always.
“Wouldn’t you agree I am the arm candy in this particular equation?”
“Nah.” Harry nudged his beer to Louis. The boy took it easily and drank from it, his eyes were fascinated with every gulp Louis took from the bottle. “He might be the one with the money, but you still have all the control, don’t you?”
Louis’ brows furrowed as Harry let out a choked up laugh.
“But here’s the thing, we both know you don’t truly like being in control. No, what you actually want is Daddy pulling you onto his big cock, making all your worries go away.”
Louis’ face morphed into the unreadable expression that Harry so much disliked to see. He hated not knowing what Louis was thinking, what he was feeling.
“I think Daddy had too many of those god-awful, soft beers, and got himself a bit tipsy. I also think he should go home because if I wanted just his cock, I’d have it right here, right now, but guess what?” Louis leaned closer to his ear. “Daddy’s angel wants more.”
There was a vague hollowness inside Harry as he heard those words, a hungry pain that was slowly throbbing through him. He wasn’t adequate, and to Louis, he was never going to be enough.
Harry’s voice sounded wet when he spoke again, regardless of how blank he knew his expression was. “Good thing he’s finally done with his angel then,” he rasped out, taking one last sip of his lukewarm beer before walking away from Louis.
This time for good.
Miracle Aligner
New York, 2019
He was born to blow your mind
Or something along those lines
“Wanna take me home?”
He felt the boy grinding his ass close to his crotch, it was supposed to be enticing, but his mind was focused on the fact that Louis wasn’t looking at him anymore, too busy talking with a man in a dark corner. He saw no point in continuing to prolong things with this stranger. Their game wasn’t meant for just one person, and Harry hated to play alone.
“Another day, yeah?” Harry detached himself from him. He might have heard the stranger complain but he was already focused on getting to Louis, everything else was just white noise.
He saw from afar that Louis was laughing about something the boy beside him was saying, it looked genuine, a real laugh. He quickened his steps, he needed to see the person making Louis react like that.
The man beside Louis looked alright, nothing really special. To be fair, any man looked ordinary beside Louis, even duller beside a happy one. Harry was tempted to stay where he was, body and mind conflicted with how much he loved to see Louis this happy and how much he hated not being the one making him feel like that.
As if he sensed his presence, Louis' eyes met his, drink stilled mid-air, eyes running down slowly over Harry’s body, from his neck to his now hardening bulge. He felt the pull, a fire igniting inside his body and he just wanted more. The beginning of a small, genuine smile bloomed on Louis' face, Harry knew exactly what he had to do.
“Do you want to go back home, babe?” The boring looking man instantly backed off.
Good, Harry thought.
“Oh, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” the man said, disappointed.
“I don’t,” Louis replied way too quickly for Harry’s liking. “Harry is my best friend.”
“Do I know you? You look... familiar.”
“I’m in a band, won a few music awards here and there.” Harry shrugged.
“Huh, figures, I don’t know much about new music but you must be really famous if I can recognize you.”
“Axel is a curator, he has art galleries all over the country,” Louis said giddily.
“My father owns them, I just manage them.”
“And he’s fucking good at it.”
Harry's stomach turned at the sight of Louis’ eyes. He didn’t want to just sleep with the man beside him, Louis admired him. The boy was awestruck.
Refusing to see Louis slip through his fingers even more, Harry did what he knew best.
He ran away.
“Well, as pleasant as this was, I need to go, beauty sleep and all that.”
“Oh shit, is it that late?”
“No, not really, I’m just feeling a bit tired.”
“Oh, alright,” Louis said with a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Well, it was really nice to finally meet you, Axel—”
“No, Lou, you can stay if you want.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, you seem to be having a lot of fun.”
Louis frowned but didn’t protest more. “Okay, if you—okay…”
The next day, Harry offered for Louis to be part of his tour. He knew it was the beginning of the end.