Chapter Text
“I’m telling you, Meg, some of these clients are so rude,” Castiel said, throwing a look to his best friend as he picked up the water bottle in front of him. He pulled his tee-shirt down, the one proclaiming he was a boy toy, and sat down in the chair. The two of them sat in a ratty cafeteria, thanks to whatever convention had decided to host Meg that day. The blonde wrote books for a living, a career that Castiel found incredibly boring. It actually required sitting in a desk. And doing work. Yawn.
Meg rolled her eyes, stabbing the salad below her before turning back to Castiel, “What?” She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “Not everyone is eternally grateful that Castiel Novak is helping them jerk off?” Castiel threw her an offended look, one that was obviously just for show. He smeared a French fry in ketchup and bit into it, his face quickly transforming into one of disgust at the taste.
“I’m not always simply helping them jerk off. Sometimes I help them shove a dildo up their ass.” He put the French fry down, shaking his head at the plate below him. “This food is disgusting.”
Meg rolled her eyes again, pushing her salad towards Castiel as she took the plate of French fries. “I don’t even know why I pretend to eat healthy, or why you pretend to like junk food.” She took a bite of the French fry, nearly moaning at the taste. “And anyway, it’s a business. They’re not calling the line because they want a friend.” She dipped another fry in the ketchup and bit into it again before continuing. “They’re calling you because either, A. they’re lonely and haven’t gotten laid in a while or B. they’re kinky as shit and have no one to share that with.”
“Still, would it kill them to say thanks or something?” Castiel asked, taking a bite of the salad in front of him and actually moaning in delight. He was so glad that he had a friend like Meg who was willing to share her food. Really, that’s all you need a friend for. “Something other than grunt and hang up.”
Meg laughed before taking up an obviously fake voice, “Oh, Emmanuel,” She nearly swooned, “That was the best phone sex I’ve ever had! Why, I think I’ve, I’ve, I’ve fallen in love! Oh, please go on a date with me! I’m taking you to a romantic dinner. Marry me!” Castiel shot her a dirty look and Meg laughed. Castiel cracked a smile too before throwing a crouton at Meg’s head.
“If you don’t stop talking trash, I’m never lending you a dildo ever again,” Castiel said, wagging a finger at her before stabbing the salad again. Meg chuckled, throwing her hands up in defense.
“Oh no, I’m so devastated.”
*
Dean threw his jacket down on a chair before sitting next to his brother, dropping a book next to him. Sam took the book with a sigh. They had been attempting to hunt down a vampire nest for the past two days, with nothing useful actually popping up. “I already read this book,” Sam said, taking a pause to make a face at Dean, “twice.”
“You need to get out more, Sam.” Dean answered, standing up from the table in the worn down bunker to walk over to the kitchen. “I mean, when was the last time you even got laid?”
“When was the last time you got laid?” Sam retailed. Dean hadn’t been able to get out of the house for a couple days, and he hadn’t gone to pick up chicks in forever. The last time he got laid was probably three months ago and, truth be told, he was craving it. But he wasn’t about to tell Sam that.
“More than you,” He answered safely. Sam rolled his eyes at that and scribbled something onto a piece of paper. He walked into the kitchen himself, grabbed the cup of coffee Dean was making for himself and slipped something into his brother’s back pocket.
“I have alternatives.” Sam said, a smirk on his face as if that answered jack shit. Dean just rolled his eyes, going to make another cup of coffee. He pulled the paper out of his back pocket, throwing Sam a look as he read it.
“Is this the number of a fucking gay sex hotline?” Dean answered. At Sam’s shrug as he walked back into the library, Dean made a noise of distress, “Dude, why do you even have the number of a gay sex hotline?”
“Everyone gets a little curious, okay?” Sam answered defensively. “And besides, I know that you haven’t wanted to leave the house in a while. So I was just thinking, you know, perhaps if you wanted to get off you can just call one of these guys and ya’know, jerk it or something.” Dean rolled his eyes at that, slipping the paper into his back pocket again before sitting next to Sam with another cup of coffee.
“Okay, tell me what we’ve got so far.”
*
Wednesdays were always a very slow day for business. Most of the college kids he dealt with had school the next day, and the closeted older men that called him had to work or something as equally as boring. All in all, he usually had probably five clients in an hour which, compared to the normal ten or fifteen, wasn’t really actually even that much.
And so when his phone rang, his work phone, not his cell phone, he was not expecting it to be someone that actually sounded his age. He had been expecting an old pervert, someone who stayed at him and had nothing better to do, perhaps a guy whose wife had died or one that had to overdose on Viagra to even get hard enough to jerk off.
“Hey,” Castiel said, his naturally deep voice falling easily into his even deeper work voice, “How are you, sweetheart? What are you wearing?”
“Um,” the voice answered, small and cautious, almost shy. Although it was deep and rich like caramel, it was still laced with an uncertainty. Closet case, Castiel was sure of it with that single word, “I should just let you know right now that I usually don’t do stuff like this. Jerk off to some guy over the phone, I mean. And I’m not gay. I’m just trying it out. Cause I haven’t gotten laid in a while and I just wanted to like, uh, yeah.” The voice stopped rambling and he said softly, “Dean. I’m Dean.”
“Dean,” Castiel purred softly, allowing himself to slip into his dom persona. Sometimes, the other guy really liked to be in control but with shy guys like this Dean, Castiel usually took over so as to let him completely relax and get off. Meg sometimes teased him about having such a system as to the way that he worked. “It’s okay. I work with many, many kinds of people. And let me tell you, doll, you seem delicious. Now tell me, what are you wearing?”
“Um,” Dean faltered for a second, “A flannel shirt and a pair of jeans?” He answered, almost as if unsure of himself. Castiel couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his throat. Dean had this certain charm to him, Castiel felt as if he was dealing with a virgin or a blushing bride sort. Those were his favorites. That and clients whom he put on speaker for Meg to hear because they were so unintentionally hilarious.
“I bet you look so good in that, Dean. Do you want to know what I would do if I was there with you, Dean?” Upon hearing a little whine of approval from the other side, Castiel continued with his monologue. “First, I would kiss you. Rough. Run my hands down your body, god Dean, I bet you have such a nice body. I would kiss down your neck, biting occasionally. Can you feel me, Dean? Can you feel my teeth on your neck?”
“Yeah,” Dean answered breathlessly. Castiel heard a zipper and then a rustling of fabric, which he assumed meant that Dean was taking off his pants. Dean groaned and Castiel smirked. For some reason, he was enjoying this client more than he had enjoyed a client in the past few weeks. He palmed himself a little to get relief before continuing.
“You sound so hot, baby boy. I wish that I could run my hands down your body. Can you touch yourself for me, Dean? Can you wrap a hand around that nice, hard dick and jerk yourself off for me?” Upon hearing Dean moan loudly, Castiel chuckled darkly. “There you go baby boy. Jerking yourself off so pretty for me.” Dean whimpered again, a high pitch thing that made Castiel stick a hand down his own sweats, “You sound so nice. I bet you’re so beautiful. Getting off so nice for me, darling. Do you want a blowjob?” Dean moaned loudly at that and Castiel chuckled again, slowly stroking himself. God, it would be so embarrassing if he actually came listening to a client. Meg would never let him live it down.
“Manny, dude, I-“Castiel smiled at the nickname, but that smile soon fell into a face of awe as Dean screamed out his name, (or rather, Emmanuel’s) and came. It was the most erotic thing Castiel had heard in his entire carrier and it made him want to shoot his load everywhere. But he couldn’t. Not as long as Dean was on the line.
He gave Dean a moment to catch his breath and was about to get on with his whole speech about how he would be redirected to another line in order to figure out his payment option as soon as he hung up, but he was caught off guard as Dean spoke softly, “Thank you.” And then there was a click and Dean hung up.
Castiel pulled down his sweats and was coming across his chest in a few minutes flat.
*
“Cas, dude, I appreciate your business and all the money it brings in, but if you could please not fake an orgasm on my couch, that would be greatly appreciated.” Meg said as she came out of her bedroom the next morning. Castiel, ever the early-riser, had woken up at five and, with nothing to do, began making breakfast for both himself and his best friend. He lay across the couch now, waiting for the timer to go off to tell him when the eggs were ready.
“See, that’s where you would be wrong.” Castiel answered. Meg swatted at his feet and he sat up, allowing his best friend space to sit down and take a cup of coffee. Castiel had made two knowing that Meg would just steal his and then he’d have to make another one. “That orgasm was completely real. I had a major ten call the line last night.”
Meg fake gasped. “Castiel Novak had a ten call him?” She asked in mock horror. Castiel was about to reply when the timer went off, and he groaned, getting up off the couch to get the eggs from the stove. He grabbed two plates and scooped eggs onto the both of them, coming back to sit next to Meg. He offered her a plate and she took it, taking an appreciative bite of the food before asking, “So, what was your dream man’s name?”
“It’s highly confidential information! I could get in a lot of shit with Anna for giving away a client’s information to someone who doesn’t even work the line.” Castiel said with a fake level of seriousness. Meg gave him a look and Castiel rolled his eyes, following Meg’s example and eating a forkful of eggs before answering, “But I hate Anna so his name is Dean.”
*
“So what’s his name?” Sam asked when Dean walked out of his bedroom. Dean flipped his brother off before walking to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Sam rolled his eyes and closed the book he was reading. “Don’t give me that. My room is right next to yours, ya know? I heard you get off. What did you call him?” Sam smirked before he spoke the man’s name, his voice taking a teasing tone, “Emmanuel?”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about. I was just watching porn.” Dean answered, sitting across from Sam with two cups of coffee and pushing one to his younger brother. Sam shot Dean a look and Dean blushed, grabbing the book from him, “Shut the fuck up. What did you find?”
“On the nest, nothing.” Sam answered. He smirked at Dean before adding, “On your heterosexuality, however? I think I found it left in Kansas. Unfortunately, it died along with the rest of our childhood. So sorry about your loss.”
Dean flipped Sam off and threw a book at his head. It still didn’t wipe the smirk off of his face.
*
“Oh yeah, babe.” Castiel moaned, flipped Meg off as she walked by and threw a pillow at his face, “Oh yeah, that cucumber feels so good. Oh my god. It’s so deep. Oh, fuck yeah.” Fortunately, the client came and Castiel practically praised Jesus before the man hung up with a grunt. Meg sat next to Castiel. It was Friday night, and so she knew that he would be rather busy, what with all the closet cases getting drunk, but sometimes some of Castiel’s clients were so hilarious that they both had to listen. It was better than whatever shit was on television and it paid the bills.
“If you think you’re gonna sit here and listen to my calls, Masters, you got another thing coming.” Castiel said teasingly. He didn’t mean it, of course. It was their usual Friday night. Sitting at home and listening to creepy clients like the cucumber guy. He had been calling for a few months, and while he was rather vanilla, he did have this fantasy which involved Castiel sticking a cucumber up his own ass. He never actually did it, but he pretended for the guy’s sake. He was rather old and came within a few minutes of cucumber-ass penetration.
“If you think I’m not, Novak, than it’s you who has another thing coming.” Meg answered. Castiel rolled his eyes before walking to the kitchen to make the both of them a bowl of popcorn. Might as well have something to eat if they’re both going to be entertained. “So, do you think Dean’s going to call you tonight? Are the two of you gonna rekindle the fire buried deep within your soul?”
Castiel rolled his eyes at his best friend as he let the popcorn pop, “Don’t be so dramatic, Meg.” He answered, shooting her a dirty look before the microwave started to beep and he retrieved the bag of popcorn, pouring it into a bowl before sitting down next to Meg again. “Of course he’s gonna call tonight. I don’t know if I’ve told you this yet but he’s kind of in love with me.”
“Sure he is. And I’m the new king of England.” Meg said, taking a piece of popcorn and throwing it in the air, successfully catching it in her mouth. She had attempted to teach Castiel that trick once before, but he had failed miserably, simply getting popcorn all over the place. Castiel took a piece himself and was about to eat it when the phone rang and he rushed to answer it.
“Hey there, big boy. What are you wearing?” Castiel asked, to which Meg snorted. Castiel shushed her with a finger over his mouth. Okay, so maybe big boy wasn’t the right greeting to use, but Castiel was nervous. For the first time in his life as a goddamn sex line operator, he was nervous about talking to a client.
“I’m just calling to let you know that this is the last time you’re ever getting my number because I’m getting married tomorrow.” The voice of a man that Castiel couldn’t even put a name to said quickly. Castiel was going to respond when he heard a beep and the man hung up. He gave Meg a look.
“See? Not even a ‘Thanks for helping me jerk off.’ Rude, I’m telling you. They’re all rude.”
*
“So this Emmanuel guy just talks you through jerking off and now you can’t stop thinking about him doing you up the ass?” Jo asked, leaning over the table. The two sat in the back of the Roadhouse, where Dean had driven in to ask Jo for her help. It had been a few days since he last talked to Emmanuel and he hadn’t been able to get the guy out of his mind. Jo took a sip of the Pepsi in front of her before responding. “Hate to tell you this, Dean, but it seems like you got it bad. Like, I need this guy inside me right now or I’m going to explode bad.”
“I know.” Dean said, running his hands through his hair. He himself had a bottle of beer in front of him, hoping to get drunk and pick up a chick and maybe get this whole Emmanuel thing out of his mind. So far, it hadn’t been helping much with anything but making him really honest with Jo. He would probably regret telling her this much when he was sober. “But I don’t know what to do about it. Dude, Sam would kill me if he found out I had a thing for a guy that ran a sex line.”
“So just call the line back and ask for his number.” Jo said with a shrug. She stole the plate of French fries that Dean had gotten with his burger and ate one before continuing. “I mean, hell, you could charm the pants off of a cow. Just call the hotline and be like, hey, you wanna get some coffee or in my pants? I’m sure you could pull it off. I mean, I couldn’t but you probably could.”
Dean huffed. “Great advice, Jo. I’ll just call a sex line and ask for the guy’s number.” Dean rolled his eyes, taking a long sip of the beer and appreciating the way it burned down his throat. “I’m not that desperate. I could hook up with anyone in this bar right now.”
Jo rolled her eyes, “I’m sure you could. The thing is, you’re not going to. Cause whether you want to admit it or not, you have a thing for this Emmanuel guy.” She shrugged, taking a sip of the Pepsi again before continuing, “I mean, it’s adorable and all. It’s like fate put the both of you together. One day, when you’re both adults, the kids will be like, daddy, how did you two meet? And you get to tell the little ones all about how you jerked off to the thought of Emmanuel sucking your dick.”
Dean rolled his eyes, “I don’t even like kids.”
Jo shrugged, “Well, you can tell the dogs then. Or Sammy.” She bit into another French fry before asking, “Speaking of, why didn’t you tell Sam about this? You two can have a brotherly heart to heart or whatever the hell it is that you two do when you want to share feelings.”
Dean groaned, “Trust me, the last thing I want to do is tell Sammy that he was right.” Jo gave him a confused look, and Dean took that as his cue to explain. “Sam seems to think I’m gay.” Jo laughed and was about to say something when Dean cut her off. “Don’t you dare agree with him Harvelle, or I will walk right out of this bar.”
“And find a gay bar?”
“Shut the fuck up.”