Chapter Text
It had been 6 years. 6 years and 3 months. Jimin knew this because he had been counting the days in the dark of the night on his bed in which he dreamed the same dream over and over.
In which he dreamed of the day Jungkook left.
In which he dreamed of the day Jungkook almost kissed him but did not.
In which he dreamed of the day Jungkook would return but never did.
6 years, 3 months, 7 days.
Jungkook was in front of him, and it had been entirely too long and also not nearly long enough because somehow he still managed to knock the air out of Jimin’s lungs upon the mere sight. It was as if ice crept through the cracks of his heart, leaving his chest feeling cold and under pressure.
Because man, Jungkook looked so different.
It took him a while to recognise him, eyes traveling over his face a few times before he established that it was in fact, Jungkook. 6 years ago he had been cute, with babyfat still on his cheeks and occasional pimples when they went through puberty together. Sure, he had been cute, with his bunny teeth and his dyed-brown hair, but he had not been this handsome, manly, sexy, rough, or whichever other words left unspoken on Jimin’s lips.
It could just be that he never allowed himself to think of Jungkook like that.
Jungkook had become taller, even though he always had been taller than Jimin, he was also more broad, bulkier than back then. His hair was back to its natural black color, but it was longer, parted, and curly. His babyfat was gone and now instead, his cheekbones and jawline shaped his face. Only his eyes looked the same. Jungkook’s eyes were round, dark brown, and they used to light up really easily, but now they seemed rather sharp.
Which is why Jimin averted his gaze before he could check him out completely, afraid to be pierced if it took but a second longer. It took a few moments and a few calming breaths before he gathered his act and decided to acknowledge Jungkook’s existence.
“Why are you here?”
It was the only thing that made any sense to ask. No “long time no see” no “how have you been” no “I’m sorry for what I said” no “Jungkook why did you leave without saying anything?”
Jungkook was located in what was supposed to be the beginning of Jimin’s new life, not a tormenting memory of the past. Yet there he stood in the doorway of the practice room of the biggest ballet theatre of Seoul. Where only the best of the best were accepted, and where Jimin was sure he would be able to forget about Jungkook entirely.
“I was accepted.”
Jungkook’s answer was plain and effortless compared to the question Jimin had brought out in a whisper at best. He also found out he was not ready to hear the way Jungkook’s voice sounded deeper and raspier than 6 years ago. Then his throat squeezed together, unable to let Jimin speak another word, so he gave a nod, and walked past Jungkook.
Memories flooded back instantly of his childhood, of the times he spent with Jungkook in the practice rooms back in Busan. They used to be best friends.. or something like that. Whenever he thought about that word “best friends” he saw glimpses of standing too close to Jungkook, felt a lingering touch of Jungkook’s hands along his waist or hip, recalled the scent of his hair when he threw himself on Jungkook laughing, felt the softness of his cheeks he used to pinch.
“You two are inseparable”
The words of their friends.
“Jiminie-hyung.”
That voice. Over and over.
And then it would all spiral back to that one day.
That day, where Jungkook’s lips were right there, and he was breathing against his mouth and his heart was beating in his throat and Jungkook’s hands were on his hips.
And on that day, Jungkook did not, for the love of god, kiss him.
He did not kiss him. And at that day, Jimin believed he did not want to be kissed, but now, all he thinks about is what taste would have lingered on his tongue if Jungkook had, and if he had let him. To this day, he only recalls the taste of regret, and the salt of the countless tears he shed the months after.
How he wished Jungkook had kissed him.
In that moment he convinced himself that he did not want to be kissed. He pushed Jungkook off with force he had never used on Jungkook, and he looked at him with raging anger and fear.
Because everything he had tried to become then, clashed with his craving for Jungkook. All the snide comments of others would suddenly become truths he had always wanted to avoid. All that going to the gym to gain muscles and wearing oversized hoodies to make himself look more buff to cover up his lithe elegant body, wearing SnapBacks and trying to be someone he was not, just to prove everyone wrong, had all crushed in that moment where Jungkook’s lips were almost on his own and he had wanted them.
As if looking at Jungkook’s body under the shower had not been an indicator. As if his first wet dream being about Jungkook had not been an indicator. As if needing to touch Jungkook every chance he got was not an indicator.
Oh but a kiss, no, that was too much for his fragile masculinity, hanging by a thread already. Those fucking lips snapped that thin thread instantly and so Jimin threw all the build up insecurity and hurting out and projected it all on Jungkook.
And then Jungkook left, which was definitely in his good right. Jimin never blamed him for leaving that day, but he did blame him for never coming back.
Because when he finally realised how big of a mistake he made, Jungkook had left town already, and blocked him on all social media platforms. Jimin knew Jungkook was moving soon, but had never expected him to leave quite like that. It was like ripping off a bandaid, and maybe taking some skin with it in the process.
Jimin had tried to reach him on several other accounts, begging him to let him speak to him, but Jungkook never responded.
The pain he felt when Jungkook left was, plainly put, unbearable. It was his best friend, someone whom he knew better than anyone else, someone he shared his every thought with, someone who he went through the greatest and hardest
times with, and someone he trusted to be in his life until the very end. They even shared the same group of friends, who eventually fell apart because of their ‘breakup’.
When all of his efforts to make amends were ignored, Jimin felt completely at loss, and then went through the hardest moments of his life up until now. Because Jungkook had awakened a part of him he had desperately wanted to cover up, and he had no idea how to go on from there.
He fought with his thoughts, because he did not want to accept. He acted tough, because he wanted it to go back to normal. He begged Jungkook to text him back only to be left on read. Then he broke down in the silence of his room, when he had walked over to Jungkook’s empty house, realising it was never going to be the same.
Why did it have to be him? Why was he in love with another man? Why was he different? Why did none of his efforts work? Desperately wanting to be someone he was not, made the truth come out bitter and unfiltered.
It took 2 and a half years for Jimin to openly come out as gay.
It started with complete denial, anything that Jungkook had meant to him was rendered to dust. The moment Jungkook’s lips hovered over his own was erased out of his mind and he acted as though he did not need Jungkook in his life anymore, but this did not lead to anything.
Then for the longest time he was angry, because of what happened, because Jungkook had almost kissed him, because Jungkook had almost kissed him. And the radio silence, the helplessness of not being able to get a hold of Jungkook, all the senseless things he said, all the effort he had put into changing his ways, only for it to slam right back into his face.
He thought that maybe if he posted enough lyric references on Instagram, Jungkook would see and unblock him, or that if he did not post anything for a long time, maybe Jungkook would see he was upset and talk to him.
Jungkook did not.
And then Jimin became depressed. Because his expectations were not met, and all the waiting he had done did not get rewarded. Because Jungkook went on with his life without Jimin being a part of it, and it seemed so easy for him, while Jimin was still hoping for time to turn back to that moment he had said all those things to push Jungkook away, the most far he ever pushed him, and swallow up every word that spilled from his lips in that moment to save him from his awful fate.
Life was not going to go back to the way it was. Because life simply didn’t work like that. The only ‘time’ there ever was was the present. And Jimin hated the present, because Jungkook was not a part of that. And so he chose instead to dwell on the past, about what he should have, could have, and would have done, floating on the surface until he drowned in it.
Dwelling on the past did not bring anything either. It was an endless loop that could not be broken. It happened, and Jimin could not undo it, and so he was sad, but being sad did not help, so he became more sad, and ashamed of being sad, and felt like he should never make the same mistake again, and so he hid himself from the present.
It seemed endless, the emptiness. The bottomless pit of nothingness. Walking around like a ghost of the man he was. It dawned on Jimin only then that maybe the situation in itself had not been as catastrophic as he made it out to be, but more so, all the things that changed because of that.
Yes, he had said very terrible things to Jungkook, and Jungkook left, which was very painful, but the essence of the situation was that Jimin had come to face his own worst fear, which was accepting himself, and all of the things he tried really hard not to be.
Without Jungkook beside him, he had no excuse but to be with himself, without Jungkook’s assurance, he had to listen to his own reasoning, without Jungkook, Jimin had to face his fears alone.
That was the scariest part of the journey.
Getting out of the comfortable bottomless pit of nothingness where you do nothing so that nothing can hurt you. That was the hardest part. Until his eyes found a sentence in a book he was reading absentmindedly and the letters were staring right at him:
‘Which pain are you willing to go through to reach your dreams?’
That was the sentence that woke up one of the most inner parts of Jimin’s being. As if someone pulled a string, and made it vibrate throughout his whole body. Because no one ever asked him that question. There was always the “what are your dreams and aspirations in life?” Jimin knew what his dreams were, but did not feel the power or motivation to do them. Not until he picked up this book and read that sentence.
‘Which pain are you willing to go through to reach your dreams?’
The letters were burning on the book, the sentence was completely on fire and screaming at his existence. Jimin had a dream. His dream to be the world’s best ballet dancer, to be the man everyone would be talking about, to shine brighter than any other had ever imagined.
Suddenly he realised that every ounce of pain would be worth that. Every cold wind whipping in his face, every muscle he had to tear, every disappointment he had to face, every hardship he would have to go through, every tear he would shed, would be worth it.
Suddenly he realised that even pain would be better than nothing, even disappointment would be better than sleeping his depression away, even hardship would be beautiful compared to endless dullness.
Suddenly he realised that if he had to choose, he’d rather spent his life completely black and white than dwelling in an eternity of grey.
So he changed his ways after that, because he was the only person who could define his life, and if his life was a movie, he did not want to be the main star of a tragedy.
It was a long process to improve, but gradually, by changing his morning routine, spending more time with friends, spending more time on himself and his well being, it got better. Concentrating on his dreams, and slowly picking up dancing again, it became bearable.
Jimin began treating life as a gift rather than an inescapable fate. He practiced gratitude daily, and wrote down everyday which things had made him feel grateful, fulfilled, and happy, and then which things he had troubles with and wanted to work on.
Jimin’s inner light started to shine again, and others around him started to notice. He was excelling in most of his classes, and capturing hearts of the people around him again like he used to do.
His teacher wrote for him the proposal to Seoul Ballet Theatre, and within a day he received an invitation to audition.
It was absolutely exhilarating, and now he was in Seoul, moved from his hometown in Busan, finally starting to make something of his life.
Metaphorically speaking, he was imagining himself opening the door to his new life in a room surrounded in white light with flower petals flowing around him and a choir in the background when he touched the knob. Only for Jungkook to stand right in front of him, and then the white paint dripped from the walls and the choir quieted down and the flower petals decayed.
A cold breeze of reality spat Jimin in the face.
“Teahyung..”
“I saw him.”
“Taehyung.”
“I am next to you, I was walking right behind you just now, I saw him too.”
Taehyung had moved with him to Seoul to pursue his career as an artist at the same faculty, and they were roommates. He was Jimin’s closest friend, and also part of the group of friends from when they were younger, he knew the situation between Jungkook and Jimin quite well, which is why he did not mind when Jimin held his wrist tightly in his hand as they walked into the practice room.
The moment Taehyung’s eyes met Jungkook’s he felt a pang of anger and protectiveness over Jimin. Everything that had happened since then, he had followed Jimin’s story from beginning til now, had seen his best friend at rock bottom, and rise again. If anything, he did not want to see Jimin go back down that spiral, so it was not exactly a wholesome stare they shared to reminisce the past.
But they had been close as well, not quite as close as Jimin and Jungkook, but then again, the bond was not entirely the same. And after all this time helping Jimin through it, he forgot himself that Jungkook had been one of his best friends, and it hurt a lot to see him again after 6 years. It was out of loyalty and anger that he did not text Jungkook, and Jungkook did not text him either for the past 6 years.
Jimin was gripping Taehyung’s wrist very tightly, very hard, trying to make sense out of it, trying to breathe in breathe out and stay calm. Taehyung slid his fingers through Jimin’s, to comfort him a little better, and also to comfort himself a bit.
“Why is this happening..”
Jimin whispered softly, desperate to know why life had yet thrown another challenge on his path while he was so close to feeling whole again. As if life would ever listen to his pleas.
“I don’t know Min.”
The slight tremor in Taehyung’s voice made Jimin look at his best friend. His black curly hair was hanging down in front of his eyes, which were cast down, and Jimin was reminded that Taehyung was going through the same disbelief and hurt as he was.
“Let’s talk later yeah? When we get home. Text me when you’re done.”
Jimin decided that now was not to time to comfort each other, they both needed to take their time, do what they came here for, and try to enjoy their day.
He squeezed Taehyung’s hand one last time before letting go, eyes meeting each other’s before Taehyung nodded and turned around to go to his own department. Jungkook came back right at that moment from wherever he had been off to, averting his eyes from Taehyung’s as they passed each other through the hall.
When Jungkook entered the practice room where now various others were entering as well, his eyes traveled over their faces, one by one, until he spotted Jimin again, who was staring right back at him, holding eye-contact.
It was as exciting as it was painful, to see Jimin again after 6 years. All the thoughts he had suppressed over the period of time stretching between them, all the things he swore himself to forget were suddenly replaying like a video in his mind, as if he was a spectator of his own downfall.
Jimin’s words were harshly thrown at him, the exact tremor and exact tone as if it happened just yesterday, and if Jungkook had been trying to convince himself that it was too long ago to remember, he was only fooling himself. As if those same words had not been on repeat everyday of his life, mocking his entire existence while he was trying to move on.
He had been in love with Jimin, and it was not a type of love that was fleeting, fun, and lighthearted like in feel-good movies. It was a deep rooted, slow growing, unidentified love that had terrified Jungkook, reduced him to a nervous mess and made him overthink every action and every word coming out of his mouth.
Especially because Jimin would always be inscrutable, Jungkook never knew what was going on inside his head. Jimin would be all over him sometimes, laughing and leaning over him, holding him close, playing around and trying to get his attention in every type of way, and it would make his cheeks glow at the end of the day.
Then again, sometimes Jimin would act aloof and give most of his attention to Taehyung or Jin, not responding to his touches like he usually would, leaving him feeling a bit cold. It was excruciating not to know on which level he was with Jimin, especially when he had finally come to realise he was in love, which took him years to figure out in the first place.
It was a slow build, because he had never been in love before, and he would avoid girls like the plague whenever he saw them. People around him always thought that was a sign he was shy around them because they were pretty, not that he was just not interested. He’d come to believe that as well, he was shy because girls were pretty and he did not know how to interact with them, it was a good cover.
It became a bit hard to ignore the matter when his mind would constantly drift back to Jimin whenever he was alone. At first, he would write it off as just normal, because they hung out everyday. That was straying far from the truth when his thoughts would drift towards how Jimin’s lips would feel against his own.
He did not speak with anyone about it, keeping it to himself for the longest time, and pining after Jimin painfully hard everyday.
Sometimes he would be completely convinced Jimin felt the same, especially when he could feel Jimin’s eyes running over his body after dance practice, when he caught him staring under the shower. It would be so obvious that Jimin was as affected as him by the situation.
But then the mood would turn 180 degrees and Jimin would suddenly start talking about a girl in his class and how much he liked her, even though they never really talked about things like that. Jungkook would turn jealous and a bit annoyed, wondering what the girl had that he did not.
It went on for too long, and Jungkook’s self-control came to an end. He was moving out of town, and he needed to know if Jimin felt the same way, if it would work.
Little did he know that their relationship would die because of the truth.
He had approached Jimin that day, while they were hanging out at his place. Jimin’s parents weren’t home, and Jungkook was very glad to be able to talk so openly. He remembered how Jimin was standing there in the kitchen, grabbing something to drink for both of them. He remembered it was sunny, the end of summer making the days last long, beautiful light falling through the window on Jimin’s face.
“Jimin..”
Jungkook’s voice was soft, and Jimin stilled immediately, as if he knew what was happening. As if only from the tone of Jungkook’s voice he could hear exactly what he was about to confess. Jungkook was nervous, so nervous to approach.
He did it anyway, his mind telling him that it was now or never. His hands trembled when they reached out, touching Jimin’s hips so gently as he turned him around in his grip, so that Jimin was facing him. Jimin seemed powerless, unmoving, still, as if knowing this moment was bound to happen, and nothing would excuse him to go against it.
Jungkook had looked into Jimin’s eyes, which were as unfathomable as ever, and he had averted his own eyes quickly, too afraid of rejection. His hands were teasing Jimin’s hips, fingertips savouring the skin he could feel just above his sweatpants.
His heart was beating so fast, that he could feel it in his throat, as if he had just ran a few miles. Jimin was not looking him in the eyes, he seemed to be completely check mate, waiting for it to happen. So Jungkook let his eyes lower, slowly, coming to a stop right on Jimin’s lips.
He remembered he wanted to say something, but couldn’t bring himself to speak anymore. After long, dreading seconds, he leaned in, pressing his body against Jimin’s against the kitchen counter, taking in every slight move and twitch of Jimin’s expression. Jimin closed his eyes so slowly. Jimin tilted his head so invitingly. Jimin parted his lips ever so slightly. Jimin looked ready to be kissed, aching for it.
Jungkook felt like he was standing on thin ice, when he leaned his face closer to Jimin’s, not daring to close his own eyes, afraid it would all be an imagination. So he watched, eyelids falling little by little, but not closing entirely, when he almost pressed his lips against Jimin’s, closer than he had ever been. He could feel Jimin’s body heat, smell his familiar scent, and he could almost, almost taste him on his lips.
Then, in a flash of a second, two hands on his chest pushed him backwards so hard, that he stumbled backwards, falling flat on his ass on the wooden floor. The ice beneath him cracked and he fell into the cold water, struggling to find the hole which he fell through.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Jimin asked, eyes suddenly raging, unlike Jungkook ever saw before.
He couldn’t breathe.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Were you going to kiss me?”
Jungkook couldn’t respond, because Jimin would not let him. And Jimin looked so unlike himself, terrifying, or terrified, now that Jungkook looked closely. Jimin was terrified.
“I cannot believe this. I cannot fucking believe you just tried that. Did you believe I was going to kiss you back? You’re absolutely- absolutely insane!”
Jimin was trembling with anger, his voice had a tremor and Jungkook’s eyes were blown wide at the sight. Jimin had never, ever, been this angry at him, or in general.
“S-sorry! I wasn’t-“
“Shut the fuck up. Just because we hang out together doesn’t mean I’m in love with you! How could you even think I would want anything with you? You were my best friend! How could you betray me like this? You’re trying to make me- you’re trying to defile me- you’re fucking up everything.”
The way Jimin used the word in past tense made Jungkook shiver. You were my best friend. He was still on the ground, looking at Jimin who was covering his body with his arms, not able to take any step towards him, as if he was dirty. And Jungkook felt dirty, felt like he just fucked up the friendship they built with one stupid move.
“You’re- you’re just like all the other guys calling me a fag for liking ballet. You’re trying to prove something with this- you’re just trying to make me confused- I know you are. Just because I like ballet doesn’t mean I’m gay, just because you like ballet doesn’t mean you have to fucking kiss me.”
Jungkook knew, he knew Jimin was going to burst, and he knew it would be painful. But this, this stung. And it made Jungkook realise that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he had gone too far this time.
“I’m sorry Jimin-“
“Shut up. Please. I can’t stand looking at you. I don’t want to hear your excuses. If you really are gay I want nothing to do with you, I don’t want you in my life anymore. Please just get out of here. Don’t fucking talk to me.”
Jungkook’s jaw snapped shut at that. Jimin had never talked about sexuality with him, and he sure never let out such a homophobic rant before. It was the single most painful thing, the worst of the worst outcome of this situation that Jungkook could have possibly foreseen. He had considered the odds, chosen this fate, and now he had to bear the consequences.
He left Jimin’s place without saying another word, broken and beaten. Everything Jimin said had been painful, and terrible, and it had cut him deep, deep down, and would leave a scar on him for the rest of his life.
And then Jimin did not talk to him the week after, and Jungkook was already packing his stuff, wondering if his best friend would come to his senses and talk to him, ask him when he would be leaving, apologise so that they could somewhat enjoy the last week in Busan together, even if it wasn’t going to be the same.
Jimin did not talk to him. So, desperate to make up with Jimin, he tried to call, but Jimin had blocked his number, he tried going over to his place but Jimin would not open the door. So he wrote one letter.
And he sent that one letter to Jimin’s house in the hopes of having one more time to talk to Jimin, one more time to see his face before leaving town.
Jungkook waited that day, at the studio. After their lesson which Jimin didn’t show up to, his last ballet lesson in Busan, he waited. If he knew Jimin as well as he liked to think, Jimin would show up no matter what. Even if he was angry, even if he was sad, even if he was confused, he would not let Jungkook leave like that.
So he sat on the pavement, in front of the studio, waiting for Jimin to show up. Because he would definitely come. Jungkook was adamant that he would come. There was no doubt in his mind.
It was 20:10, but that was alright, because Jimin was usually late.
It was 20:30, but that was alright, because maybe Jimin’s bus was running late.
It was 20:40, but that was alright because it was warm outside and Jungkook did not mind sitting on the pavement a bit longer.
It was 20:50, but that was alright because there were stars showing up in the sky and Jungkook didn’t mind counting all of them twice before Jimin would show up.
It was 21:00, Jungkook wondered if Jimin maybe forgot. So he tried to call Jimin, but his number was still blocked.
It was 22:00 when Jungkook counted the stars twice, and Jimin did not show up.
It was 23:00 when Jungkook gave up.
He knew that Jimin must have gotten the letter by now, must have read it, and must have chosen to not show up. Jungkook, biting on the inside of his cheeks, did not yet do as he promised to himself. He waited for the day he left, Jin and Taehyung showing up to say goodbye, neither of them knowing that he and Jimin were in a big fight.
When he boarded the plane, is when he finally decided that if this was what Jimin wanted, he would have to accept it. So he blocked Jimin on everything, and made sure to change his phone number over the year. It took him a long time before he could delete Jimin’s contact, thumb hovering over the nickname he would call Jimin all the time they spent together, his eyes getting teary before he confirmed to delete the contact, in the hopes he would forget the number.
He never did.
Jungkook never talked about it. He became more outgoing, trying to make more friends and move on, trying to play down the situation and act as if it was nothing. He covered it all up by trying to be the best at everything he did, excelling at sports, games, academics, and above all, ballet. He had turned into a complete workaholic.
All it really accomplished was pushing it down so deep that he was numb. And the numbness wasn’t so bad at first, because that way, it never really let the pain consume him.
It was fine that Jimin was gone. It was fine because he had time to himself now, and look at how great he had become, look at all the prizes and friends he had around him. After a year he came to realise, that his happiness was without substance, and that the suppressed memories would linger around the corner, because he had never learned how to cope.
He was lucky enough to meet Namjoon and later on Hoseok, to actually make him face his memories. They had made a great impact on him. They taught him to feel again, to cry again, to cry a whole fucking lot, to truly laugh again. Only then could he rise and become the person he was now.
He accepted himself, and accepted the fact that he deserved better back then, accepted that Jimin chose not to talk to him anymore, accepted that life was probably going to suck and be terrible sometimes, and accepted that he had to be grateful at the times life was forgiving and a miracle.
And it was a miracle when he got accepted to Seoul Ballet Theatre.
And it was also a miracle to run into Jimin at exactly that place where he thought his new life would begin.
He barely believed that it was Jimin standing in front of him if it wasn’t for Jimin standing completely still, examining his face with the most shocked expression. It took him a few seconds to actually gather that Park Jimin, his childhood best friend, was standing there in front of him.
Because Jimin had changed so much over the years he had not seen him, and Jungkook did not know where to start looking, but before he was allowed to run his eyes over Jimin at all, he heard that voice that had become deeper, but still so light and so Jimin, that it instantly threw Jungkook off.
“Why are you here?”
Though the question was cold, and harsh, Jungkook could not tear his eyes away from Jimin’s face. Seeing him again was painful, confronting, confusing, and above all, incredible. He could almost not answer Jimin’s question, wanting to smile and cry at the same time.
“I was accepted.”
He replied, trying to contain his strange excitement because Jimin might not be too glad to see him again. And even if Jungkook shouldn’t be either, he could not help but feel relieved, to know that life had made them cross paths again, for better or for worse, he was glad to be able to see Jimin’s face again.
Jimin walked past him quite fast, and Jungkook didn’t mind, understanding that the confusion would cause Jimin to need some time. He could barely wrap his mind around it as well, having to blink a few times to confirm he was in the present.
Then his eyes fell on the man behind Jimin, wondering who that could be. When their eyes met, the air was punched out of his lungs because Taehyung, one of his closest friends from Busan, eyed him warningly before walking past him.
He couldn’t believe how tall Taehyung had gotten over time, and felt a pang of guilt of not talking to him anymore. It was because of the whole situation that the contact had become awkward and tense between them, and both of them stopped talking, letting their friendship water down, and eventually die.
Jungkook had made a quick stop at the toilet to catch his breath, trying to calm down. It was not like he was going to have a breakdown, he was just overwhelmed by the situation and in general a bit disoriented. Of all the things that could have happened, he knew there was a small chance that Jimin would show up at Seoul Ballet Theatre, but Taehyung was a deep buried memory he did not like digging up.
After washing his face with cold water and breathing a few times deeply in and out, he walked back in to the dance studio and let his eyes wander over to Jimin’s as he recalled the past. In the silence he could finally freely let his eyes wander over Jimin’s features to look at all the things he missed for the past 6 years.
It was undeniable that Jimin had become very, very handsome.
Jimin had lost his youthful chubbiness, but still had very soft looking cheeks, which Jungkook remembered way too well. Jimin’s eyes were more hooded and seductive than they used to be, and Jungkook even saw they were made up a bit with eyeshadow. It was something he never expected from him, he always tried to be masculine back in the days. His lips were still plump, and he was sure they were even more plump than 6 years ago, because he could recall those lips just fine.
Jimin’s hair was dyed silver, and he had an undercut, his hair pushed back and parted, which made Jungkook’s mouth water because when they were younger Jimin always had his hair down, black and fluffy, making him more cute than hot.
Right now, however, Jimin was very hot, a bit taller than he used to be, but to Jungkook’s delight still smaller than he was. He had teased Jimin about it every way he could, always standing on his toes when Jimin wanted to high five him, making him have to jump. He smiled at the memory, unable to hold the nostalgic feeling of seeing Jimin in a dance studio back.
He trailed his eyes from Jimin’s face down over his lithe but toned body, noting that Jimin was embracing his more feminine features and accenting them rather than hiding them. He was still very fit, proven by the display of muscles in his tights, but his tiny waist he used to hide was now very visible and it suited him. It looked like he had grown to be even more attractive, more confident in himself, and more Jimin.
Jungkook couldn’t help but enjoy seeing Jimin again, as much as he dreaded the memory of being shoved away, being left alone, and ignored, he enjoyed to see Jimin right in this moment. He was even feeling a little bit proud of how far Jimin came, made it to Seoul Ballet Theatre just like him, showing him once again how much ambition he had.
Jimin had expected a few things, like awkward hello’s and goodbyes, Jungkook’s cold shoulder, the silent treatment maybe, as he had been getting that for 6 years.
He had expected everything, everything except Jungkook’s blatant and obvious staring, as if they were back in Busan again.
Jungkook’s unapologetic big round eyes traveling all over his face and body as if he was starving and trying to memorise the sight on the spot. Although Jimin hated to admit, he knew exactly what Jungkook looked like when he was checking someone out. He had seen it a few times before, he had felt his eyes burning over his body more than once. Jungkook had never been subtle.
A shiver ran down Jimin’s spine, following the line of Jungkook’s eyes, noticing how he made a full head to toe examination, he could see Jungkook swallow when his eyes were on his thighs. And honestly, Jimin would have loved to be checked out like that if it was not Jungkook who he had not seen for 6 years and had made him question his whole existence.
“Oh! You’re Park Jimin right?”
A new face blocked his view, breaking his train of thoughts and forcing him to gather his act and smile back at the stranger in front of him, bowing back in acknowledgement.
After a few seconds he made out the facial features and remembered he had once danced on the same stage with him. The man smiled brightly as the realisation hit Jimin, sweeping his dark brown hair back. He was tall and lean, and Jimin remembered how well he danced, so fluid.
“Yes, Hoseok-hyung, right? I danced with you in April, at the Gayo Daejun. You were amazing.”
Hoseok lit up at that, beautiful bright eyes and high cheekbones, and a beautiful smile.
“Thank you for your praise, but really you looked incredible, after that I went to two other shows of yours to watch you perform, you’re on another level.”
Jimin felt his heartbeat steadily increase at the praise. He had always loved to be praised, loved to be everyone’s favourite, it was something he actively tried to ignite in someone when he danced. He focused hard on his aura to lure in people and captivate them to the point they were mesmerised and could not get him out of his mind.
He gave Hoseok his sincerest smile, one reaching the eyes and making them disappear, teeth on display, a small pleasant chuckle falling from his lips as he touched Hoseok’s shoulder a bit shyly.
“Thank you so much. I’m glad to dance with you again, please teach me a lot.”
Hoseok seemed at ease with Jimin’s comfortable small touch and smiled back at him, nodding enthusiastically.
“Let’s go for a drink some time soon!”
Hoseok added, which made Jimin feel at ease, thinking that he definitely could go for a drink, and make some new friends here. The brunette seemed very extraverted and outgoing, and Jimin definitely liked those type of personalities around him.
“Let me introduce you to my friend as well.”
Hoseok urged, gesturing over to the other people. Jimin nodded politely as he walked with Hoseok through the crowd, recognising a few others from some shows he did with them. When Jimin could see Jungkook, dressed in all black, very close, he averted his eyes quickly, trying to push down memories and walk past him without problems.
They did not walk past him.
They stopped right in front of him.
“Jungkook this is Park Jimin, I danced with him at Gayo Daejun! What a coincidence to see him here again, he’s a very good dancer. Jimin, this is Jeon Jungkook, he’s one of my roommates and a good friend and one of the best dancers I know.”
Jimin’s heart sank when he looked up, seeing Jungkook look at him, equally shocked and awkward at this turn of events. The moment stretched into a long silence, in which Jimin was doubting what to say about the whole situation. Should he say he knew Jungkook? Should he tell him that Jungkook and him used to be best friends? Should he tell him that Jungkook left him and did not talk to him for 6 years and he had never really gotten over it?
“Ah? You two know each other?”
Hoseok deducted from the long stare and the mutual recognition in their eyes.
“Yeah.”
Jimin answered, not knowing why he did not just deny the question, not knowing why he answered without even thinking about it. He knew he should elaborate, but he could not think of what to say. That they used to be friends? It would sound too dramatic.
Jungkook somehow seemed to understand, because he elaborated himself to Hoseok.
“We both grew up in Busan, we danced together there.”
It was plain, nothing like how he felt regarding their relationship, but at least it was enough to get Hoseok to understand and nod to it.
“Ah Busan is great, I can’t believe you two met each other here again, seems like we all know each other, let’s get a drink on Friday.”
Hoseok seemed to not notice how awkward the air between them was, just wanting to gain some new friends and have a good time, and Jimin did not blame him for it, but he did feel terribly inconvenienced to be grouped together with Jungkook. He wondered if Jungkook had not talked about the situation, which would somehow be very much like him to do.
When Hoseok was called over by some other guy of the group, he left Jungkook and Jimin standing there, completely unaware of the inner turmoil he left behind in both of them.
After a tense silence, Jimin dared to eye Jungkook once more, this time seeing how directly Jungkook’s eyes were drinking him in from up close as well. It was exhilarating, and frustrating, and confusing all the same. Jungkook had these big eyes that Jimin would always comment on, they were sparkly, and doe-like.
They both did not talk for some time, just looking at the other, taking in the sight.
Jungkook wondered what was going through Jimin’s mind, if he had said the right thing, if Jimin would have rather told Hoseok the truth, if Jimin would have rather denied that they knew each other in the first place.
Hoseok did know about the situation, just never knew that it was Park Jimin being on the other side of that story that Jungkook talked about all the time. And it was for the better, because Jungkook knew that Hoseok would have acted indifferent towards Jimin if he knew.
Jungkook thought, seeing Jimin standing in front of him, he was as unreadable as ever. His expression was neutral, posture neutral, nothing indicating what he was feeling or thinking, but then Jimin did something unexpected.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Jimin answered honestly, his voice soft and insecure while casting his eyes down to the ground. It caught Jungkook off guard, because Jimin was usually never straight forward with him, always holding back thoughts and restraining himself. Right now, Jimin looked vulnerable in a way he had not seen before.
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
Jungkook answered, trying to make it sound comforting, because he did not want Jimin to think he did not care about what he had to say. It was as Jimin said, hard to talk, hard to start about the past, and he wanted to make sure that they could just be in the same room without having to say anything, if that was what Jimin preferred.
Jimin took a deep breath in through his nose before giving an affirming nod, and just taking a stand next to him.
Jungkook noticed how easily Jimin stepped too close to him. Even after 6 years it was as if his body and Jimin’s worked like magnets, mirroring each other’s moves perfectly, standing in the same way with the same posture. It was too soon to be standing this close, and even though Jungkook could feel that familiar comfort and safety creeping through his chest, Jimin eventually shuffled a bit further away.
There was an overwhelming feeling of wanting to grab Jimin’s wrist and pull him closer, into a hug, but Jungkook knew it was not the right time nor the right place. After all, he had learned that the hard way.
There were many things to say, and many things left unspoken, but before either of them had the chance to think about it more, their choreographer came in, and introduced himself to their group.
Jimin opened the door to his shared apartment with Taehyung, looking at his reflection in the mirror when he walked inside. He could see his furrowed brow, could see the creases left behind from mulling over his past as if they represented all the memories he recalled today.
“Oh no. I have stress written all over my face.”
He mumbled to himself, dropping his bag on the ground with a loud thud. The sound was followed by loud shrill barks from the living room and Jimin jumped once, letting out a pathetic small scream before realising Taehyung’s dog Yeontan was probably excited to hear him coming home.
Jimin put a hand over his heart to calm himself down, then he heard Taehyung’s soothing voice to make Yeontan stop barking. Jimin entered the living room, seeing the Pomeranian next to Taehyung on the couch, looking at him without coming over to greet him. Jimin would huff to the attitude but he was too happy to be home and have someone to talk to, so he walked up to the couch, petting Yeontan’s head before slumping down on the couch.
Taehyung eyed Jimin, cocking his head questioningly.
“Need a drink?”
Taehyung’s voice was knowing, and Jimin leaned his elbow on the edge of the couch, leaning his head on his palm and nodding to the question with a long sigh. He definitely needed a drink.
“Tell me about your day first, how was your first day as a new aspiring artist? Met anyone nice?”
Taehyung had lifted himself from the couch in the meantime, walking towards the kitchen and grabbing a glass of wine for Jimin, while making some mixture of cheap sweet liquor and soda for himself. Taehyung didn’t like the taste of any other type of alcohol.
“You know I’m a bit shy. It takes a while for me to be able to socialise.”
Taehyung started, making Jimin smile fondly at his best friend. He knew Taehyung inside out, and had a really big soft spot for him.
“Still, met any good artist? Anyone nearly as good as you?”
Taehyung rolled his eyes at the usual flattery, and Jimin knew he was rolling his eyes without being able to see it.
“There was this guy yeah, I think his name was Yoongi, he was really.. inspiring.”
Jimin heard the slight hesitance in Taehyung’s voice, and it gave him away immediately. A smile spread on his lips but he didn’t indulge, holding back his usual teasing because it would make Taehyung annoyed.
“Inspiring?”
Jimin asked, holding his hand out for Taehyung to give him the glass, as the taller came back from the kitchen and took back his seat on the couch, sipping a strange pink looking drink that made Jimin’s nostrils flare in disgust. He wasn’t a sweet tooth, much more into sour and bitter tastes.
Taehyung was avoiding his eyes, nodding as he stared in front of him to their television.
“Yeah. Great art. We had to make an exhibition of our own art with only one table to our use and put all our work out for people to get to know each other’s styles and stuff, and he turned his table upside down and used the rods to hang stuff up on, it was pretty cool. He’s a songwriter as well.”
Jimin hummed, biting his lip to hold back another smile. Taehyung easily got crushes on people around him, but he always acted like it was nothing, and if Jimin opened his mouth about it, he’d get very pissed. So, Jimin just nodded, sipping white wine from his glass.
He savoured the taste, feeling the alcohol warm up his throat.
“Anyway. I have the feeling you have a lot to tell me. How was it with Jungkook? Did you talk?”
Jimin eyed the wine in his glass tipping it from side to side and letting himself slump further into the couch with another long sigh.
“Hello, my name is Jeon Jungkook, 24, from Busan. I used to dance at Busan High School of Arts, then moved to Seoul when I was 18, and have been dancing at Seoul High School of Arts, and ended up here at Seoul Ballet Teathre.”
Jimin analyzed Jungkook, how he was speaking way more comfortably in large new settings than before. The Jungkook he knew was too shy, voice soft and head hunched down whenever he had to introduce himself. This Jungkook looked more confident, yet still very humble.
His eyes wandered over his body freely, seeing his broad shoulders and comparing them to his tiny waist. Jimin knew Jungkook built muscle easily, unlike himself who had to work out everyday to maintain a figure like that. Nonetheless, he could not remember Jungkook’s thighs looking quite that big.
Jimin’s eyes couldn’t stop ogling them, because Jungkook’s thighs had the audacity to look like that. His mind drifted, wondering how easily Jungkook could lift him up now, maybe he could do squats while holding him on his back-
Jimin felt a hand under his chin then, someone closed his mouth that had been hanging open a little.
“Jungkookie looks very good right?”
Hoseok laughed, patting Jimin’s shoulder a few times. Jimin would have laughed as well if it wasn’t for the way Hoseok called Jungkook ‘Jungkookie’ like he used to call him. There was a sudden pain that came with the nickname and made Jimin smile a bit sadly.
“Don’t worry! I won’t tell you were staring.”
Jimin managed out an awkward laugh at that, nodding to the promise. He definitely did not want to be this obvious, his ogling was bad enough, but being reminded of the past bothered him even more.
He wondered what type of relationships Jungkook made, and how much better they knew him than he did. He wondered what it would be like to be friends with Jungkook now, what it would have been like to see him for the last couple of years. Maybe they would have become even closer.
Jimin shook his head once to rid himself of the thoughts, knowing that dwelling on that would only make him sad and petty.
“You should see him dance, he’s become so much better in the past years, you wouldn’t believe your eyes.”
Hoseok carried on the conversation, and Jimin felt guilty for letting him do all the talking.
“Y-Yeah? I’d love to see it soon. I’d also love to see you dance again soon.”
Jimin changed the subject, hoping the older wouldn’t notice, and just smiled at him prettily to emphasise his point. Hoseok squeezed his shoulder to that, grateful smile on his face.
“Me too, can’t wait to dance all together in a play.”
Jimin, always easy with physical contact, patted Hoseok’s lower back in agreement.
It was then that Jungkook walked back to his spot, and Jimin could see a hint of jealousy in his round eyes, not knowing who it was directed to, before he squeezed in between the two of them, breaking Hoseok and Jimin’s moment.
Where Jimin felt a bit awkward, Hoseok just laughed and hit Jungkook’s shoulder playfully, before he walked up to introduce himself, leaving them behind for the second time that day.
This time, Jimin did not take a step aside, because Jungkook had put himself awkwardly between them and was now standing too close, again, so he would have to bear the consequences. Jimin wondered if Jungkook would take a step further away from him, but he did not.
And somehow, somewhere, Jimin liked that he did not.
“He seems nice..”
Jimin spoke softly, looking at Jungkook’s side profile cautiously. There was a slight twitch in his expression, and Jimin was glad Jungkook hadn’t changed much in that way, still so easy to read. And what Jimin could read was that Jungkook did not like it so much that he got close to Hoseok.
“Sorry, I could make some other friends and not be around so much if you-“
“No.”
Jungkook’s reaction was very sharp, and Jimin’s back straightened a little at the tone. It seemed as though Jungkook did not expect his voice to come out like that either, turning his head towards him apologetically and then continuing in a much softer tone.
“I don’t.. want that.”
Jungkook’s lips moved as if he wanted to say more, the tone of his last word promising an explanation, but Jungkook shut his jaw tightly. His dark eyes spoke in such an intense way that Jimin shied away, casting his eyes down again, feeling the blood rush up his neck because of it.
Jungkook didn’t want him to go.
“Or do you- do you want to?”
Jungkook’s voice was soft and ready to be disappointed. Jimin could hear it in the numbness, could feel it reverberate, he knew exactly that type of tone.
Maybe it was better for the two of them to be apart more, to not stand this close, to adapt to the situation instead of being forced to small talk as if they were on good terms. Jimin could not bring himself to say it, because it would taste like yet another lie, seasoned with regret. He did not want to take one step further away, he did not want to take one step closer.
“No.”
Jungkook seemed to relax a little after that, letting out a soft sigh of relief at the answer.
They did not talk after that.
“Yeah.. we talked.. sort of.. but not about the past.”
Jimin started, taking a larger sip from his wine which was a little bit too sour, and he pulled a face at that.
“He has a friend and roommate, Hoseok, and I danced with him before so he approached me and then wanted to introduce me to his friend. All good, but it turned out his friend was Jungkook.”
Taehyung breathed in sharply through his teeth, emphasising the awkwardness of the situation.
“Exactly. And then I didn’t really know what to say, but he did not seem angry or sad, at least I think. He acted normal. Or, well, he was a bit weird about me and Hoseok talking, but when I asked him if I should make some other friends he was very adamant that he did not want me to. He seemed to want me to be there..”
Jimin’s voice was softer at the last sentence, and he stared in front of him glassily, mulling it over while sucking his lower lip into his mouth.
“Do you? Want to be there?”
Taehyung asked after a few seconds of processing the information. The last thing he wanted was to have Jimin go through an episode of sadness and sorrow again. He knew Jungkook had hurt Jimin, he knew Jimin had hurt Jungkook, maybe it was for the better if they did not indulge in each other’s business for the first couple of months.
Jimin hummed at that, wondering what he wanted. He had gone through many memories and many feelings, none of which made much more sense than the other. It was confusing, and painful, but also so familiar, so comfortable.
“I honestly don’t know. At first I almost had a panick attack, and then it sort of went more smoothly than I thought it would, but it was also confronting and painful. It was hard to say no, though. I did not want to leave either. Guess because of the comfort I felt when we were friends..”
“You guys weren’t friends.”
Taehyung intervened, giving Jimin that look. He would always point this out to him, and Jimin groaned a little at the words. They had not talked about the situation in a long time, because both of them got tired of having arguments about it.
“Well, I thought we were-“
“You were head over heels for him and everyone could see it. Except you. Don’t deny it now, it’s important you accept that fact, and you know it.”
Jimin bit his tongue to let Taehyung finish. He always wanted to argue more, tell him it was not like that, cut him off. He held back this time and just sighed. Recalling his feelings from back then was hard. He knew they were more than just friends, but he never allowed himself to actually feel something.
“You were jealous whenever someone else touched him, you would claim him, and you’d be too close to him all the time. Whenever we had sleepovers you would literally intertwine your whole body with his-“
“It was just spooning really-“
“And worst was you would always stay up late texting him and smiling like an idiot as if you two didn’t see each other everyday. The public display of affection was terrible enough, but whenever you weren’t with each other it was even more you know- disgustingly couple like.”
Taehyung finished, leaving Jimin to think about his actions and feeling a little guilty of making his friends put up with it. He downed half his glass of wine at once, throwing it in his throat as if it was lemonade and then stood up to pour himself a new glass.
His best friend didn’t stop him, just watched him from the couch and rolled his eyes. Jimin would never admit to it, but it was painfully obvious how much he had loved Jungkook, even if he wasn’t aware of it.
“Did you not feel something today? Something you did not allow yourself to feel when you were still in the closet?”
Taehyung asked, voice now much more mellow like usual. Jimin walked back to the couch with a full glass of wine, thinking back to when Jungkook had ran his eyes all over him, feeling his ears burn a little at the memory. Then, he clearly remembered Jungkook’s thighs, looking incredibly big, and he did not know if it was normal to ogle them like he did.
“There was a misplaced thirst. I think.”
Jimin started, making Taehyung raise his eyebrow at him, almost mockingly.
“Elaborate on that if you will.”
Taehyung invited, making an elegant hand gesture for Jimin to go on while sipping on his drink without breaking eye-contact. Jimin cleared his throat, putting his glass of wine down on the coffee table and turning his body fully towards Taehyung, needing his hands to talk.
“Look. You know I’m gay. You’ve known longer than I have-”
“That’s right.”
“You know my type-“
“Is exactly what Jungkook looks like, yes I know that.”
“So it’s not strange that I think Jungkook looks attractive. Very fucking attractive. But the whole.. feeling part? I have barely spoken to him about the past, about anything at all, and because I always forced the thought of us being just friends, I just don’t know if I feel that way about him.”
Jimin explained, a bit unsure how much of the truth he was telling, but at least it was somewhat of an answer. At least he could put it into words a bit more than he used to.
“So you’re saying that right now, you only feel physically attracted to him, because there’s an emotional barrier that keeps you from knowing how you actually feel about him.”
Taehyung concluded from what he gathered from Jimin’s story, and hit the nail on the head with that one.
“Yeah, thanks, yes, exactly. Wow. Your mind.”
Jimin spluttered, amazed that Taehyung could put it into words so easily for him. After all, Taehyung was very good at reading him. Said man made a tiny bow for his service, making Jimin smile and shake his head.
“And you? We’ve been talking about my feelings, but what are your feelings? You and Jungkook haven’t seen each other at all either.”
Taehyung looked down at his drink at the question, his curly black hair falling in front of his eyes. He was better at putting other people’s feeling to words but his own were more of a challenge.
“I guess.. it’s.. I miss him. He was my partner in crime, and one of the easiest people to talk to. I felt like we clicked. I feel petty for not talking to him, but I also felt like I could not do that to you? It might be a bit stupid but I felt like helping you through it would be harder if I was still talking to Jungkook, and would make you jealous, and make me a bad friend.”
Jimin blinked his eyes a little wider, feeling his stomach form a knot, and guilt was creeping through his veins. It was his fault that Taehyung and Jungkook broke contact, robbing them of their friendship along the way. Come to think of it, it was incredibly selfish.
“It’s not your fault.”
Taehyung added quickly, when seeing Jimin’s expression change.
“No it is. I shouldn’t have relied on you so much, it made you stop talking to Jungkook.”
“It wasn’t like that. It was my own choice. I just thought that if it was me in your situation, I wouldn’t have liked it either if you were still talking to someone who made me feel like that. And you never asked me to stop talking to him either. It was a choice I made because I thought it would help.”
“Would help me, but it didn’t help you. I should have encouraged you to keep in contact with him despite the situation.”
Jimin clicked his tongue, shaking his head at the thought of his younger self. He was so pathetic and lonely and didn’t even see the trouble he brought onto others.
“Regardless whether you should have, it was still my own choice, and it’s not like Jungkook contacted me anyway.”
Taehyung said, the last sentence coming out a little too bitter, so he quickly downed his sweet alcohol, looking in front of him and clenching his jaw.
“That’s because he probably knew we talked about the whole situation. Maybe he still wants to be friends.”
“Well, he’s 6 years late now.”
Jimin pursed his lips a bit at that. Would it be too late? Maybe it was a lost cause after all to make up. Maybe the cuts were a bit too deep. Maybe the scars should heal a little more. He ground his teeth, an overwhelming feeling of agony filling his chest at the thought of leaving it be.
He did not want to leave it be.
He also did not want to talk about the past with Jungkook yet.
It was the fear of knowing what Jungkook had thought of him when he said all those terrible things. The fear of him telling he never wanted to talk to him again. The fear of how easily he seemed to live life after that, as if it was alright without him. He couldn’t bear to hear these words leave Jungkook’s lips. He couldn’t bear the thought that he took so long to get over Jungkook, and Jungkook being so amazing and gaining so many friends. He hated that he wasn’t a part of his life anymore, and it was evident now more than ever, that he still regretted pushing him away when they should have kissed.
Jungkook was in his apartment, lying on the couch and not so subtly looking at Jimin’s instagram which he hadn’t seen in 6 years. He still had his account blocked a few minutes ago, but he couldn’t resist to look at his profile, so he unblocked him, and rapidly scrolled through Jimin’s page, down to the first picture to see if it was still there.
It was.
Jimin and him in the dance studio, while he was on Jimin’s back, and Jimin was holding him up with a big smile that made his eyes disappear.
The caption said: should I drop him? :)
And Jungkook’s replies were all gone because he had blocked him, but he knew he had said something along the lines of
‘you buy food for me everyday, don’t act like you’re tough.’
And Jimin replied to him, saying he’d stop buying food if he acted like that. It went back and forth and back and forth, bickering for hours underneath that post. Jungkook sighed at the memory. His heart was full, seeing Jimin had not deleted that picture of them together.
Maybe Jimin had come around. After today he left Jungkook very confused, because Jimin didn’t seem like he never wanted to talk to him again, he did not seem resentful, he seemed.. different. He seemed more cautious of him than the other way around.
“Jungkookie you’ve been a bit quiet today. Was it just the new people? Or was it.. Park Jimin?”
Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows with a grin and emphasised Jimin’s name, not knowing that Jungkook had always been talking about him as the guy who left him hanging the day before he moved. The guy he was madly in love with who broke his heart. He had never said his name, never showed him, so it wasn’t Hoseok’s fault he didn’t know. Still, it was a bit painful.
“What’s with the eyebrows?”
He asked, trying to change the question around and let Hoseok talk a bit more before he understood what he was getting at. In the meantime he put his phone down to hide Jimin’s instagram.
His friend scoffed and then raised both his brows.
“You’re kidding right? The sexual tension was palpable in the air. From both of you.”
Jungkook tried to not show any emotion on his face at first, knowing very well he could not control his eyes regarding Jimin, but he failed miserably when he heard that last sentence, suddenly very interested in what Hoseok had to say about that. He sat up on the couch, leaning forward to look Hoseok in the eyes.
“What do you mean? From Jimin?”
Hoseok laughed at that, seeing how easily his friend got worked up.
“This is why I made the eyebrows.”
Hoseok pointed out, shaking his head at how obvious Jungkook could be. Jungkook felt a tiny blush appear on the tips of his ears, knowing how eager he probably seemed. It was just very alien to him that Jimin of all people would look at him like that.
Maybe Hoseok wasn’t the best source of information, he always tried to match him up with some new guy every other day. Regardless of that, he did not want to miss out on any information regarding Jimin. He wanted to know everything.
“Just tell me.”
Jungkook pleaded, not wanting to hear the mocking words leaving Hoseok’s lips. His friend sighed then, leaning back in the chair and tangling his fingers together as if he was the messiah bringing the message.
“Park Jimin, was checking you out. I tried to talk to him, but he did not even hear me. Then I waved my hand in front of his face when he was looking at you introducing yourself, but he was too occupied staring at your thighs with his mouth wide open, so I closed it for him.”
Hoseok explained even though he sort of promised Jimin he wouldn’t tell. Oh well. The things he did to finally see Jungkook hook up after years of no action.
Jungkook had actively avoided looking at Jimin while introducing himself, afraid he would stumble over his words or make his voice crack accidentally, so he had not been able to see if Jimin was actually staring like Hoseok said. Then again, Hoseok never lied to him about anything, which was also why he had become one of his best friends.
Still, it was hard to believe, Jimin checking him out, and so in the open. He narrowed his eyes at Hoseok.
“You’re sure about that?”
“Yeah, god, it was so obvious. And so were you, when you came back looking all jealous and territorial over him. Idiot.”
Jungkook rubbed his neck sheepishly at that. He had just finished his introduction and looked over to see if Jimin was looking at him, only for him and Hoseok to be all smiley and touchy. It shouldn’t have made him so jealous, but it did, seeing how easily Jimin touched people, but not him anymore.
“So.. did you two ever..?”
Hoseok asked then, making Jungkook suck in a sharp breath, crossing his arms and leaning back on the couch shaking his head a few times and biting on his lower lip thoughtfully. They almost kissed, they spooned at sleepovers, he had gotten a boner against Jimin’s ass more often than not when waking up in the morning. Jimin never seemed to notice, or mind, if he was awake to feel it.
“I thought he was straight.”
Jungkook dared to share, hoping that it wouldn’t give too much away of the story, but Hoseok did not pick up on those things that easily, unlike Namjoon, who luckily was still out and about.
Hoseok held back his laugh at that, hand in front of his mouth as if he was about to burst into laughter any moment.
“You thought.. you really thought? With his looks?”
“That’s very shallow thinking! He was popular with girls back then.”
“All gay men are popular with girls, did he ever kiss a girl? is more along the lines of what you should be thinking about.”
Jungkook opened his mouth to object, but now that he thought about it, he never stuck around long enough to know who Jimin’s first kiss was. In the time he had known him, he had not yet had his first kiss. His hand clenched into a fist thinking about the lucky son of a bitch who had stolen that from him.
“Exactly. Kissed zero girls, drools at the sight of your thighs. Sounds about straight to me.”
Time passed a bit slower for a few seconds, and Jungkook wondered if Jimin had come to terms with his sexuality.. he knew that Jimin had a lot of internalised homophobia back then, and he hoped he had faced it. It’s just that he hadn’t thought about Jimin’s sexuality and if it might have changed.. It also wasn’t something he could just ask.
“Do you.. really think so?”
He asked Hoseok again, unable to hide the tiny spark of hope in his voice, which made Hoseok chuckle and turn in his chair.
“He’s gay. 100%. Has my gaydar ever been off?”
It hadn’t. Hoseok was even able to tell people they were going to be gay before they knew they were. It was a rare gift that Jungkook would have loved to have as well. There was however, one time Hoseok had guessed wrong.
“Namjoon-“
“He’s bi. Believe me.”
“You’ve been saying that for 3 years now, I don’t think it’s working if you’re just trying to brainwash him into it.”
“You’ll see.”
Hoseok grinned, sure of himself. Jungkook chuckled at that, hoping that Hoseok could prove it in the future. Honest to god, Jungkook had had a tiny crush on Namjoon in the beginning of their friendship, but it never really developed into more than that.
“Well, Jungkookie, I, for one, am excited to finally see you show interest in someone. Means you’re getting over that idiot from Busan. So I asked Jimin to drink with us on Friday, and I think you should dress up and judge for yourself if Jimin is able to keep his eyes off of you. My guess is no.”
Jungkook swallowed, smiling awkwardly and nodding at that. Getting over that idiot from Busan.. more like, never getting over that idiot from Busan. That idiot from Busan being his only love interest over the past years even though it was the single person who hurt him the most.
“Yeah.”
Jungkook answered absentmindedly before lying back on the couch and picking his phone back up. The picture of Jimin and him was staring him right in the face.
Idiot of Busan.