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Alec Lightwood didn’t like parties or big social gatherings, as a rule. He preferred to stay in and watch a movie or read a book rather than embarrass himself or drink until he collapsed with his classmates, even on Christmas.
“Come on, Alec, loosen up a little!” Isabelle called, slinging an arm around his shoulder. She was holding a plastic cup full of alcohol in one hand and Simon’s wrist in the other one.
“I’ll pass,” Alec muttered, shrugging her off and sending her back to her equally plastered boyfriend, who smiled goofily at her and helped keep her upright with one hand around her waist. Alec smiled a little to himself. For as much as he hated his little sister having a boyfriend in the first place, Simon was a good choice.
“It’s Christmas,” Jace complained from beside them, his hand on Clary’s hip. The redhead in question was giggling madly, swaying in place. Alec rolled his eyes. He hated drunk girls, even his friends. And drunk boys, for that matter - even his brother.
“Technically, it’s not,” Alec pointed out. “It’s the night before Christmas break.”
Jace rolled his eyes, letting out a loud, overdramatic groan. “Someday we’re going to teach you how to have fun, grandma.” He squeezed Clary’s hip and led them away to sit on one of Magnus’s loveseats. Jace pecked his drunk girlfriend on the cheek, and Alec pretended to gag. He was glad that Jace had finally found someone he loved, but sometimes the two of them were almost disgustingly sweet.
Alec looked around and spotted Magnus by their dorm Christmas tree, sipping some sort of alcohol - Alec didn’t have the patience to figure out what, exactly - and humming along to the Christmas music blaring from the speakers. He was wearing a gold-and-black outfit (because he wanted to “break tradition” and wear something other than red, white, or green) complete with glitter and a lattice of gold necklaces draped across his chest. His cheeks had a rosy flush to them, and Alec thought his eyes seemed even brighter than usual, almost downright luminous. He smiled and made his way over to his roommate of two years, best friend of three. Finally, someone at this godforsaken party that he could stand to be around.
“Having fun?” Magnus asked when he saw Alec approaching.
Alec grimaced a little. “You know I’m not.”
“Yeah, I do,” Magnus replied. “But maybe we can change that.”
Alec’s eyebrows drew together with confusion and he gave Magnus a baffled look. “What do you mean?”
“How long has it been since you kissed someone?”
Alec blushed, startled by Magnus’s sudden question. “I, uh, w-why do you ask?”
“Well, it’s been way too long for me, and I thought maybe we could both kiss someone tonight,” Magnus suggested, an impish smile on his lips. His brown eyes seemed to sparkle under the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Alec inhaled sharply. Was Magnus really asking him what he thought he was asking him?
Magnus gestured to the mistletoe hanging from the tree next to them. “It is tradition, after all.”
Alec rolled his eyes and tried to hide the way his heart raced at Magnus’s proposition. “It’s a stupid tradition.”
Magnus’s face fell. “You don’t want to?”
“No, no, I mean yes, I mean - ” Alec stumbled over his words, his cheeks flaming pink. “Yes, I, uh, I do want to. But maybe not while you’re under the influence?”
“I’m not drunk,” Magnus reassured him, and held out his cup for Alec to inspect. “See? There’s at least ¾ of that left. I’m about as sober as one can be at these parties without being you, Alexander.”
Alec hesitated, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “But you - ”
“There is a difference between drinking and drunk,” Magnus continued. “I promise you, I am fully aware of what I’m doing. I’m not drunk.” He leaned in close to whisper conspiratorially in Alec’s ear, a playful smirk on his lips. “But everyone else is. Which means...?”
“They won’t remember this in the morning,” Alec finished, realisation dawning on him.
“Precisely,” Magnus purred.
Alec blushed and looked away. “You, you really want to...do that with me?”
“Yes,” Magnus answered immediately. “And it’s okay to say it, Alexander,” he teased. “Go ahead. Say it. Kiss me.”
“I, okay,” Alec breathed. He stepped closer, into Magnus’s space, and leaned forward until he could rest his hands on Magnus’s hips. “Magnus, will you kiss me?”
“Of course, Alexander.”
As Magnus’s lips met his and sparks exploded behind Alec’s eyes, he couldn’t help but think that he might be convinced to start liking parties if this happened at each one.
~ ~ ~
“Alexander, is that you?”
Alec winced guiltily and let the door fall shut behind him. “Yeah,” he called back, hoping his tone of voice wouldn’t give him away. He wanted to get settled first, try to think of a way to explain this to Magnus where he didn’t end up sounding like a jerk or a coward or, worse, both. His hopes were dashed, however, when Magnus emerged from their shared bedroom and regarded him with an expectant sort of eagerness.
Magnus’s smile disappeared when he saw the look on Alec’s face. He walked towards Alec until he was just close enough to wrap his arms around him. “They didn’t take it well?”
Alec closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to cry. “They, uh, they didn’t take it at all,” he mumbled. “I didn’t tell them.”
Magnus drew away from Alec, his eyes guarded. “I thought we agreed you would tell them tonight.”
“I know, I know, and I’m sorry,” Alec rushed out. “I-I just, they were all having so much fun, and I couldn’t work it into conversation, and I-I’m sorry, Magnus.”
“Stop making excuses,” Magnus snapped, and his chocolate brown eyes filled with tears. “You didn’t tell them because you didn’t want to tell them, Alexander.” He looked immeasurably hurt, and Alec didn’t know what to do or say to soothe away his pain when he was the one who’d caused it.
“I’m sorry,” Alec offered helplessly. His own hazel eyes burned with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, Magnus.”
Magnus sighed, and with that action, all of the anger drained out of him. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be pushing you like this. I know how hard it is to come out.”
Alec shifted awkwardly, still feeling guilty. “I just don’t want to lose them.”
“I understand,” Magnus said. He was avoiding Alec’s eyes. “They’re your siblings.”
“And you’re my boyfriend,” Alec said softly. “I shouldn’t be putting you in second place.”
“It’s okay,” Magnus reassured him immediately, but the words rang empty and hollow in the space between them. Alec swallowed hard. He had to fix this.
“No, it isn’t,” he said, and a few of the tears from before spilled over. Alec choked on a little sob. He didn’t know what to do. He knew, he knew, that they had long since passed the time when most couples came out, and he knew that was his fault. Magnus made a soft noise in the back of his throat and wiped Alec’s tears away with the pad of his thumb.
“Alexander, I never want to pressure you into coming out,” Magnus said softly, reaching for Alec’s hand and tangling their fingers together. “But I refuse to be just a fling to you. I will not be a, a fuck buddy or someone that you love in private and never tell your family about. I will not be your dirty secret, Alec.” Tears were sliding down his cheeks, but his voice was firm.
“Are-Are you breaking up with me?” Alec whispered, hardly daring to breathe.
“Is, is that what you want?” Magnus’s voice shook.
“No!” Alec exclaimed. “No, god, Magnus, never.”
“Okay.” Magnus exhaled with relief. “Good. That’s, that’s good.”
“So you’re not breaking up with me, then?” Alec ventured carefully. He unconsciously squeezed Magnus’s hand tighter. Even the thought of it made him want to sob uncontrollably. They couldn’t break up. He loved Magnus, wanted him, needed him in his life. Alec didn’t know what he would do without Magnus. They’d come so far, and now Alec couldn’t imagine who he would be without Magnus by his side.
“No, I am not breaking up with you,” Magnus reassured him. He sidled closer and placed a soft, barely-there kiss to Alec’s lips. “I love you way too much to ever do that.”
Alec exhaled with relief. “Thank god. I love you, too.” He turned his head just enough so that he could bury his face in Magnus’s shoulder. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d be just fine,” Magnus said, combing his fingers through Alec’s messy black hair. Alec made a sound of protest against Magnus’s shoulder, and Magnus shushed him gently. “So where do we go from here?”
“I’m going to come out,” Alec reassured his boyfriend of thirteen months. “I promise. I just need some time.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know.” Alec pressed himself closer to Magnus, sniffing a little. “I’m scared.”
Magnus felt his heart break at those words, and he held Alec to him as tightly as he could. “I know you are, darling. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“I know.” Alec took a deep breath and pulled away from Magnus, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and giving his boyfriend a brave smile. “I’ll do it at graduation.” When Magnus didn’t respond, Alec hurried on: “That’ll give me a few months to plan how I want to do it, what I’ll say, and everything else that comes in between.” He inhaled shakily. “With any luck, I’ll be valedictorian, and I can tell everyone then.”
“The whole school?” Magnus asked incredulously. “Alexander, are you sure?”
“Go big or go home,” Alec grinned at Magnus. “Aren’t you always saying that?”
Magnus rolled his eyes. “This isn’t quite what I meant, darling.”
Alec chuckled and leaned forward to place a soft kiss to Magnus’s lips. “Graduation. I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Alexander.”
~ ~ ~
The words of the Dean floated in and out of Alec’s mind without really clicking, and his voice became a low, background sound. Alec took a deep breath, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. He could do this. He could. He had to.
Magnus picked at a thread on his gown in the audience, watching Alec closely. He was looking more and more nervous with each passing second, and only Magnus knew that he wasn’t just nervous for his valedictorian speech.
Magnus bit his lip, hard, to stave off the sudden onslaught of tears that threatened. Alec wasn’t going to do it. He was going to bail. It was too much, not the right time, a bad idea, something. It was always something. Magnus knew he was being irrational, petty, even, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt more and more like a dirty secret, just somebody to pass the time, with each day that went by with them hiding their relationship from the outside world. Did Alec even really care for him? Or was all this a lie, and Magnus was just a way for Alec to blow off some steam after finals?
Magnus dug his nails into his palms, cursing himself internally. He wasn’t being fair. Still, his breath caught in his throat as the Dean finished his speech and handed the microphone to Alec. He swallowed hard. This was it. The moment of truth. Time to see what, or rather who, Alec cared about more.
Alec felt like he’d been handed the cure for cancer when the Dean gave him the mic; it was great, of course, but he had no idea what to do with it. He found himself wishing desperately that he’d taken Magnus’s advice about using notecards. This was going to be a disaster.
Alec cleared his throat loudly, wincing when the feedback made his mic whine. He took a deep, steadying breath and found Magnus in the audience. He could do this. He was going to do this.
“Uh, hi,” Alec began, and a few of the audience members snickered. He saw Magnus turn around and glare at them, and Alec’s lips quirked upward into an almost-but-not-quite smile. “I’m Alec Lightwood, your valedictorian, as I’m sure you all already know.”
There were a few murmurs of agreement, and he heard Jace yell, “Get on with it!” Alec grinned and watched in his peripheral vision as Izzy elbowed him, hard, making him yelp.
“This year has been...a lot for so many of us, myself included,” Alec continued, hoping his voice wasn’t shaking too badly. “But, just as I hope you all had people there to help you, I had people who helped me.” He smiled at Jace and Izzy, who stopped bickering long enough to smile back at him. “My siblings, my friends, and my teachers all kept me afloat this year. I’m forever grateful to them for helping me get to where I am right now.”
He paused to take a breath, his grip on the mic tightening. “I never thought I’d be standing here, valedictorian certificate in my hand.” He smiled at the audience. “This is honestly a dream come true.”
Alec paused and looked out at Magnus. This was it.
“And though I have a lot of people to thank for that, there’s one person who has been there for me through it all, one person who has seen the half-insane, sleep-deprived version of me cramming for a final, one person who has endured all of my rants and proofread all of my essays, and he is the reason that I’m standing here today.”
Alec took a deep breath and fought to calm his racing heart. He could do this.
“That person is my - ” Alec choked on the word ‘boyfriend’ and stopped, searching for Magnus in the crowd. When he found him, tears began to pool in Alec’s eyes. Magnus looked devastated, betrayed, even. Above all, the disappointment on his face was impossible to conceal.
Alec swallowed hard. No. That was enough. That was enough! He was tired of lying and hiding and pretending and hurting the people he loved. He was so damn tired of this. Alec cleared his throat and lifted the microphone once again.
“That person is my roommate and best friend, Magnus Bane. If Magnus would please come up here with me, I would like to specially thank him for everything he’s done for me.”
The audience cheered and clapped, and Magnus, looking rightfully confused, was ushered out of his seat and pushed towards the stage.
Alec watched his progression raptly, his breath catching at the sight of Magnus in his blue graduation gown. He looked just as beautiful as that first night, illuminated by the fluorescent lighting of the recital hall instead of the twinkling lights of their dormitory Christmas tree. His hair was gelled into spikes and he’d applied blue highlights for the graduation. Glitter dusted his cheekbones and his eyes, usually a soft, kind brown, seemed to flash gold underneath the brilliant lighting of the stage. Midnight blue painted fingernails gripped the railing as he walked up, and Alec felt an overwhelming urge to cry. He was so beautiful. Magnus was so beautiful, and he had chosen Alec.
When Magnus reached him, Alec raised the mic to his lips once more and said: “Magnus is my best friend, my closest confidante, the one person who has been there for me through all of the ups and downs, and he means the world to me. He helped me figure out who I am and when I needed him the most, he was always right where I expected him to be. He’s given so much to me, and it’s about time I give something back to him.” Alec let the mic fall from his fingers and clatter to the stage floor. He turned to face Magnus, emotion building in his chest, and he knew what he had to do.
“What are you doing?” Magnus hissed.
“The right thing,” Alec replied. “What I should have done a long time ago.” With that, Alec dragged Magnus towards him by the sleeves of his graduation gown and kissed him, full and hard and unashamed.
The audience didn’t gasp or exclaim, at least not right away, like they always did in all of those teen movies, but their surprise was certainly palpable enough. Alec grinned against Magnus’s lips, still kissing him. Magnus tasted as wonderful and breathtaking as he had that first time over a year ago, and Alec was hit with an overwhelming sense of pride, of joy, of rightness. He knew then that, no matter how everyone reacted, he’d made the right choice.
By the time Alec and Magnus broke apart, the crowd was no longer silent. There were cheers and whoops, shouting and various exclamations of surprise. Alec smirked. No one had expected the valedictorian to be gay. No one had expected Alec to be Magnus’s choice. No one had expected this.
People were rushing onstage, ignoring the shouts of the Dean to remain seated and calm, and Alec spied Jace & Izzy among them. He exchanged a glance with Magnus, and Magnus nodded, waving him away. “Go. Talk to your siblings.” Alec shot him a grateful look and winked once before disappearing into the crowd.
Magnus watched him go, his lips twisted into a grin. He was really going to have to stop underestimating Alexander, it seemed. His boyfriend was absolutely full of surprises.