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Ron's attachment to Toto is way stronger than what would typically be for a person you only met a few months ago.
But he can't help it. Totomaru Isshiki has single-handedly taken Ron out of the morass of deprecation where he had sinked into for five long years.
Toto is a bright star in a gloomy sky.
Toto's smiles, from the awkward simpers to the most sincere delight, make Ron's heart flutter, filling his chest with a ticklish feeling, one that can even manage to make him forget how to breathe.
Ron is addicted to the bursts of energy he gets when Toto approaches him with a new case to be solved. He can't get enough of spending his time hiding with him to suggest his deductions, and he is so proud when Toto learns those theories and makes them his, and manages to explain them from start to end.
Ron loves Isshiki, but he can't give a name to this feeling yet.
Being overwhelmed with the joy of having Toto by his side is not unusual for Ron, who is still trying to come to terms with his emotions, but being paralyzed because of the fear that Isshiki will suffer from Ron's flaw happens even more often.
Ron is so scared to harm Toto.
More than once he's ended up breathlessly panting in sweat in the trapping grip of his blankets, because past his eyes there was nothing but Toto's lifeless body. Drowned. Stabbed. Choked. Slaughtered. Because Ron had ordered him to.
These have all been only nightmares so far, but who can assure him that nothing will happen to Toto for real?
Ron wants to protect Isshiki.
From himself.
The easiest choice would be cutting out their partnership, never meeting again, shutting inside an empty house with no news about cases or people, starving to death.
But if it's so easy, then why does even the thought clog Ron's chest with so much pain?
Isshiki does a great job locking the fake mentalist to a corner, debunking step by step that what killed Torage's victim was a paranormal activity.
Toto himself could have never come up with the idea that Torage may have hidden a poisoned needle in the tip of the marker he signed his autograph with, and Ron doesn't miss the quiver in Toto's shoulders as he exposes the murder weapon.
The culprit may try to get away with an excuse, but even he isn't so unwitted to not understand that he has been caught.
Ron simply loses his composure when Torage says that the reason why he killed his own companion is that he had threatened him to reveal all his secrets, if Torage didn't give him most of the money from his own profit.
To Ron, whose partner is the dearest person, this is unacceptable. Unforgivable.
Ron's mind goes blank from rage, he snatches the marker from Toto's hands and he throws it at Torage.
He commands, "Stab yourself."
For a moment, in the studio there is just Ron and the fake mentalist, who has fallen victim to the detective's hypnotizing irids, and is trembling like a leaf as he almost obeys to Ron's order.
Ron suddenly sees black, his head screaming in pain, cold sweat running through his whole body. He is snapped out of his murderous zone only when he gets shoved violently enough to lose his balance and he hears a familiar voice cry out to the culprit not to kill himself. However, his migraine is still too strong to allow him to see colors again.
The next things he hears are a stomping noise and more shouts — feminine voices this time — terrified because the needle of death stinged its target.
The next thing Ron sees, is the manifestation of his worst nightmare.
The target is not Torage.
It's Isshiki.
His heart freezes. If Ron had managed to get a hold of himself for a second, now he is out of his mind again at the sight of Isshiki looking down at his ink stained hand and shaking.
Ron is paler than him. He screams Toto's name before he can think, without even actually running up to him and checking his miniscule but lethal wound, like he should do instead.
Toto ignores him. He's too busy thinking about his imminent death to pay Ron any mind.
Ron can't stop sweating, he can't ease his heartbeat or his breath.
He's done it. His flaw is going to kill Toto and there is nothing he can do about it. He's going to lose his precious partner because he has no control of himself. He's going to see Isshiki die because his selfishness and cowardice didn't let him push him away.
Ron has failed to protect Toto. He deserves to die in his stead.
Ron's vision gets fogged with tears that refuse to stream down, leaving his blue moons to burn. He prays that these sick eyes of his bawl out of their orbit, so that maybe he won't be a threat to the people he wants to keep safe anymore.
His thoughts are in pure chaos, as they yell at him to just end himself. He can't live a life without Toto.
Isshiki is told that the needle shouldn't have left ink on his hand, because Torage removed the marker tip before turning the pen into a weapon. He is relieved when he finds the actual one, thinking that he has really dodged a bullet, and he proceeds with the arrest of the culprit.
But the joy to see Toto safe and sound doesn't reach the endless abyss of depression where Ron has dived into.
This marks the end of Ron's motivation to keep up with the detective world. Again.
He is a terrible person— no, he is not even a person. He is a monster. He wants to arrest murderers when he is a killer himself in the first place. What a joke.
Is this not the reason why he was expelled from Blue? Not even the most prestigious academy can deal with someone who is both the officer and the culprit, no matter if he was the most brilliant student.
No matter his genuine will to solve cases and bring the truth to light. This will has just died along with his soul, anyway. For the second time.
Apologizing to Isshiki can't possibly be enough to make up for what Ron did.
Ron lets himself drown in a pool of regret, refusing to be rescued. He gets away from the murder scene, not sure where he will go. Back to his house, probably. Or somewhere where falling will make sure his neck will break and his miserable life will finally end.
There's a moment where Ron thinks that he doesn't even deserve to die, that living through his curse in isolation is the right punishment for him.
When Ron hears Isshiki's unmistakable footsteps approaching, he almost snaps and tells him to leave him alone.
Instead, a shout fills his ears. "We can't quit over something like this!"
Ron's trembling lips let out a whisper. " Something like this? I almost ended up killing you…"
Toto brushes all this off as an accident, and Ron can't believe he is serious.
"If the person I'm solving cases with dies" — he is on the verge of tears again — "If you die I'll be so overwhelmed with despair that I won't be able to go on living."
Toto finds himself shocked at the confession. How can he tell Ron that he wouldn't want to work with anyone else, that he doesn't want Ron to leave his side, that despite the troubles he put themselves into, he finally has the motivation to bring even the most boring cases to the arrest step?
Isshiki almost sounds angry when he spits, "Don't imagine me dead so easily!"
It's not what he wants to say. He tries to make up, and he does so promising Ron that next time he will stop him properly.
Toto really is nothing but a pure idiot. So optimistic, so damnably, impossibly sure that they can overcome this horrible flaw together. Always pointing out what's good in Ron, even when Ron only sees his brutal defects.
But this is exactly why Ron has fallen in love with him.