Work Text:
we began
with honesty
let us end
in it too
-- Rupi Kaur
Loki was glad to have escaped from both the scepter’s influence and the Midgardians' custody, if puzzled about the carelessness of the Avengers transporting him within arms reach of an Infinity Stone. But since he became master of the Tesseract he could now outrun anything Thanos tried to do, and could keep the stone away from him. The Bifröst was surely still broken, so Father could not send anyone else to Midgard after him. Loki suddenly had a lot of time as a free man to recover from the aftereffects of what had been done to him.
He was so tired of all the pressures of being himself. He - God of Lies, Asgard’s least favored son, three-day King, terror to Jotunnheim, petty trickster, unmourned brother, Mad Titan's favored victim, cunning-powerful-royal-magickal fuck-up - was tired.
He was tired of putting on a dozen masks a day, having to be politic and polite to the machinations of schemers, having to pretend to care about the concerns of people using him for his position, having to pretend not to care about anything that could be taken away from him, pretending so many things at once that it was only through exceptional skill and memory that he could keep any of it straight.
And then to be mocked as disingenuous by the people demanding that he be such. It was insupportable.
Although ...
Such a stratagem would make it damnably easy to hide in plain sight by just saying whatever the Hel he wanted, being a more honest version of himself than had ever been allowed on Asgard. If his time under the scepter’s influence had taught Loki anything, it was that the denizens of this benighted realm were just as broken and neurotic as he. If he looked even a little bit different, nobody would ever know it was him! He could hide in the leftover magical signature in this destroyed New City of York and nobody would catch on for a year. He could take a bit of a vacation from everything he was supposed to be.
It could be a spot of fun.
What was a form he could hold indefinitely, that wouldn’t interfere with his magic if he needed to use it? It would have to be something that Thor would have overlooked as a possibility, something common, nonthreatening. Hmm. A smile, then. And a shift.
“Okay, Jane, exhibit A: I like living in my own place where I don’t have to listen to you and Thor bang. Exhibit B! It has been four months! If Loki were going to make a move on the Avengers, he would have done it by now. Exhibit C, I am nobody, and I don’t even know the passcode to get into the lab on my own, I still have to come get you when you’re late for SCIENCE. If Loki wanted to get at you it would so not be through me. Are we seeing eye to eye on this, Boss Lady?”
“What if Angie tries to come back? What if Loki doesn’t do his research and thinks you have access? What if Loki doesn’t do his research and thinks that you’re me?! There’s so much that could go wrong and it would really make me feel better if you were in the Tower.”
“Aww, you big softie. I know you care, but the Angie thing is being handled. And I can take care of myself.”
“Can we at least do margaritas in Hell’s Kitchen soon? If you’re not going to come live on Thor’s floor with us, where the soundproofing is amazing, thank you very much, then you at least owe me tequila for my worries.”
“Sure thing, Janey. See you in the morning.” Darcy hung up the phone with a fond shake of her head.
The woman in line in front of her smoothed her hands down the side of her dress after the wind rearranged her full skirts. Here at ground level, outside Stark Tower in Manhattan, the wind was either too still or, if it were from the right direction, would howl down the canyons between the skyscrapers, throwing around construction trash and whipping Loki’s hair across her face. She made a moue of distaste as she pulled her hair out of her lipstick again. She considered conjuring up a comb to keep it out of her face in the strong gusts, but that might look suspicious. New Yorkers were a mistrustful bunch. It made Loki feel right at home.
The line moved and the tiny slip of a woman in front of Loki immediately started arguing with the guard of the building about whether she was to be let in. But if the guard got into an argument now, he would be suspicious when looking at Loki’s handiwork, and might notice some discrepancy that she was unfamiliar with, so this needed to be headed off before the situation became irretrievable. Pulling her “borrowed” invitation to the Stark Industries party out of her pocket, Loki scanned the text, modified it with a minor illusion, and said, “If it’s that much of a bother for her to have lost her invitation, then she’s with me.” Handing over the invitation, she gave a charming smile. “As you can see, this says I am allowed a plus one. May we go in? It’s quite windy out here.” The guardsman, like all guardsmen when she looked like this, gave her an appreciative look and waved them past.
“Thanks for the save. I’m Darcy, I technically work here. So what about you? Who exactly is my date for this evening?”
“Call me Lori. I’m mostly on sabbatical right now, if we’re being technical, but I know someone who lives in the building. I love your perfume, by the by. Incense, earth notes, cinnamon and musk, I presume? It smells lovely on you.”
Darcy blushed. “Yeah well, It’s called Bloodlust, and it’s to help me get in the mood to schmooze someone. I’m here for work, and my boss told me to track down the head of Finance and charm him into not getting in the way of our purchase orders anymore. We need our budget to go through, you know?” A look of determination had been slowly stealing across the mortal woman’s features, so Loki decided to let the mortal drift off now that she had made an entrance to the reception room with someone who legitimately belonged there, and thus helped justify Loki’s own presence.
“Well, perhaps I will see you later, when your business schmoozing has been successful.” Loki said with her flirtiest smile. The tips of Darcy’s ears were pink as she walked away.
Loki had been annoyed at herself for having to pick up a mortal who might notice something off about her, but the prospect of openly flirting with the woman until she became uncomfortable enough to ignore Loki was not entirely unpleasant. But for now it was time for Loki to start mingling and looking for the liars. No one was more fun to cause trouble for than her fellow charlatans. Since she could always tell when she was being lied to, it also pointed her in the direction of hidden truths for people to think they could deceive her. Unlike Asgard, the frauds and fools of this world had not yet learned to avoid her.
Half an hour of mild mischief later, Darcy walked back up to her holding two drinks. “So which would you rather have? I asked the bartender and they couldn’t do a Pimm’s cup or any of the British drinks I know how to order, but they had champagne and for some reason pitchers full of Bloody Mary’s?” Darcy’s shrug almost made Loki drop her gaze. “I didn’t know what you’d want so I got one of both. Which would you like?”
“You bought me a drink? That’s very thoughtful of you, but I don’t drink in public anymore. Being drunk makes me maudlin and I’d hate to ruin a nice evening.” Loki touched the back of Darcy’s hand fleetingly and when the other woman didn’t pull away, said, “Why don’t we find someone to give one of those to and see if the bartender has something a bit less intoxicating than your company.” Norns, how sweetly this girl blushed. It made Loki want to see how many times she could make her do so in one night. And how far down she could get that blush to go. Loki was used to her own capricious nature, and if this woman didn’t mind associating with someone acting as an obvious sexual deviant, then Loki was going to see how far this situation could go.
While they were at the bar, a boorish little troll, much the worse for drink, accosted them and insinuated that the two of them could share him. In bed.
“Don’t I take you to the nicest parties, darling?” Loki said as she stroked the backs of her fingers against Darcy’s bare arm. “As to you, young man, I’m quite afraid I’m unwilling to believe that anyone whose flirtations are such an affront to good taste has anything worthwhile to offer us. Nor do I believe that there would be enough of you to go around were this hypothetical sharing to occur.” Loki flicked a look down so he wouldn’t miss the insult to his manhood in his drunkenness. “Now do run along and pester someone classless enough to find you amusing."
"Woah. You are like the Queen of Salt," Darcy said, obviously impressed, as they watched the man shuffle off. "Remind me to always stand next to you when gross dudes try to mack on me."
"You're quite welcome at my side as long as you like, I'm sure."
Darcy looked adorably flustered for a moment before freezing in place. “Um. Do you want to get out of here? Only, I just saw my ex, and I sort of forgot she might still be on the guest list. Save me?”, she says, turning imploring blue eyes on the taller woman.
Loki offers Darcy the crook of her arm, and they walk out the door just slow enough to avoid attention. Loki will make more mischief later with the wallet of the lustful toad she just pickpocketed.
“Okay, so, for real. Who are you? What do you do?”
“My legal name is Lorelie Senna, although I did change my name to make it harder for my estranged father to find me. My family are wealthy, so I’m not used to working much although I recently did some courier work, internationally. But I’m taking a sabbatical this year to “find myself”. I understand that the normally done thing is a private retreat in the wilderness, but New York has much better internet access. Let’s see, what’s an amusing anecdote? Ah. My parents are aliens. Or possibly I am, I’m fuzzy on the details. My family is so strange, though, I’m fairly certain my parents are some entirely other species.”
“Name one weird thing.”
“All right, Miss Skeptical Eyebrow, my parents have never owned a television.”
“Welp! When you’re right, you’re right! Definitely aliens!”
“We seemed to own every book I’ve ever heard of, though, so I’ve read all the classics, but I hear there are these “talking pictures” that have been made out of all my old friends, so now that I’m here I’m trying to see as many as I can. Are we going somewhere in particular? Am I walking you home?”
“Ooh, I can get you to follow me home already? Oh, god, don’t smile at me like that. That is a panty-dropping smile and we are in public!”, Darcy laughed.
“I shall struggle to restrain myself.” Loki purred.
They walked several blocks, talking and making jokes about themselves, and this woman laughed at Loki’s jests. The line of her neck with her head thrown back, laughing, was a delectable sight.
Loki wound up on her knees pressing Darcy into her closed front door. She tasted of the sea. Sex in this form was a newfound pleasure, an ongoing slow burn of desire, a banking and roaring of fires, of taking turns, and Loki discovered that for the right lover she could shake and shout and leak overstimulated tears, and still seek to go back for more. But it was also vulnerable with this slowly developing truthful side of herself, and Loki felt tender and bruised about bedding Darcy both as a girl, and wearing no persona to protect herself. She was neither a Prince here, nor Thor’s Brother, nor a Master Sorcerer. There were no stratagems. She was only a person right now, but Darcy seemed to be inexplicably drawn to the person Loki might honestly have been.
The British hottie was still in her bed in the morning. The smell of coffee was coming from her nightstand and the occasional sound of turning pages from next to her as a tall, naked woman read her copy of Long Day’s Journey Into Night.
“I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your book. I waited for you to wake up to see if you would like to come to breakfast with me. I’m afraid I can’t cook, but I would love to take you with me this morning if you’re not busy?”
Darcy smiled and started rummaging beside the bed to find her phone. She needed this woman’s number. Lori might not know it yet, but she was going to be Darcy’s new girlfriend.
Loki hadn’t been to this planet in years, so if she was going to present herself as knowledgeable about Midgardian history and culture, she needed to find out-of-date things that were still popular. When she saw a young woman dressed in a familiar, old-fashioned way outside a coffee shop, she asked her whether any of the things from that time period were still “cool”.
She got several odd looks, but Loki was eventually directed to the Frim Fram Jam and since Thursday was the next day, Loki texted her paramour an invitation. Darcy had worn a dress cut in an older style herself, the night they’d met. Perhaps she would have heard of the Lindy Hop enough to want to try it.
Darcy responded to her text with an enthusiastic affirmative, and when Loki showed up the next night at 7:30 she was in a blue dress with a flared skirt, close fitting bodice, and plunging neckline that would have looked at home on Jean Harlow. Loki had to keep herself from staring lustfully at Darcy in the cab. And apparently she was not the only one, if the cabbie’s looks were anything to go by. Loki paid for cab fare with the stolen credit card from the Stark party and made the transaction go through with a bit of magical misdirection, so that the cabbie could appreciate the annoyance that was fighting with banking institutions over fraudulent claims. Banks were notoriously tight-fisted on any realm, surely that much was the same? Perhaps the man would rethink his dreadful life choices - like keeping a substandard rattletrap of a conveyance, choosing not to bathe, and leering at Loki’s date.
The last time Loki did the Lindy Hop, she was wearing a suit instead of a skirt and heels, but the basic moves should be the same. Even if she would be doing them backwards and pretending to be unable to throw Darcy in the air, it should be similar enough. Calculating how strong to be in any given situation was always the tricky bit to passing as human. They had arrived early enough to take the short class, and Loki saw other women couples practicing throws when the instructor asked Loki and Darcy if they wanted to try. Loki raised a challenging eyebrow at Darcy, who grinned and said, “Hey, as long as we’re sticking with the tradition of you picking me up, I’m down.” Loki felt entirely thrilled by this woman.
She pretended to be winded after half an hour of dancing. “I know they say that relationships make people stronger but I wasn’t expecting it to be this kind of workout.”
“Hey,” Darcy laughed, “I’m the shortest person here, you Glamazon, AND I was jumping when I was supposed to jump! You had the lightest burden of anyone!” Darcy rolled her eyes but her smile soon turned into a leer. “I think you’re just out of practice. You need a firm hand to whip you into shape.” Loki could feel her eyes dilating as she looked at this extraordinary creature with her filthy mind. “You wanna get out of here?”
Loki could only swallow dryly and nod.
It was another excellent night.
A week and two more dates later and Loki had watched a dozen romances and romantic comedies to see how this sort of thing is done now, but for all that she could legally marry the other woman (her paperwork was firmly established, Norns bless the internet), there were very few romance movies about dating other girls. It was damned inconvenient. Loki hasn’t been to this planet for 80 of its years, and a mortal lifetime is enough for much to change with such a mercurial species. The internet's suggestions are of some use, but only if she’s planning to stick with this honesty tactic.
Because the internet says to bring your lady flowers and food, Loki offers to bring them to Darcy during lunch the next day via text. And Darcy replies,
Don’t take this the wrong way, but can we not do that? I have a bad history of people getting stalker-y, especially at my job. I don’t think my boss would react very well to my new girlfriend showing up where I work. Plus, I’d rather you use any flower-related money to buy me coffee ...
... flowers die, coffee is a good thing forever and ever, amen.
Someone is stalking you? Does this person have a name?
Not one you’re allowed to know just yet?
Am I allowed to do anything about this, or would you prefer to handle it yourself?
It’s being handled. I get you wanting to protect me, but I’d rather neither of us ever come in contact with her.
Loki is exceedingly familiar with the helpless frustration brought on by dealing with people who won’t let her keep them safe, but this time it bothers her more that she can’t thrash someone horrible who makes Darcy feel threatened. She can’t even offer to do violence on Darcy’s behalf without possibly scaring her. It’s limiting Loki’s options.
Later that evening, after much thinking about how to make her feel safe, Loki instead takes Darcy’s hands and promises to try to stick to the parts of her life where she’s invited. She is not prepared to be tackled against the back of the couch and kissed passionately for simply saying so.
Laying in bed awake that night while Darcy sleeps beside her, Loki considers magicking her way into police records and looking for evidence of who’s doing this stalking and how, but gets that unsettled feeling in her stomach and decides not to. Nothing good comes of ignoring that feeling, she has learned. She feels uncomfortable with her own thoughts, now, thinking about breaking her word to Darcy, someone she has known barely a week. Even if worrying about Darcy was more pleasant than replaying her memories, this was still the height of ridiculousness.
She could, perhaps, put a protection charm on Darcy, but how would she get her to always wear it? There was nothing that Darcy always wore. Sometimes she slept naked. What did she most often wear when Loki was not there? Not her grandmother’s knitwear, she changed them too frequently, and there were too many to put charms on them all without leaving herself drained and vulnerable to being caught. Darcy said she wore her glasses at work because the glare from the monitor screens gave her headaches. Perhaps that would be the best place to put a charm, to act as protection when Darcy was away from her. But did magic count as making herself part of Darcy’s life where she wasn’t invited? There was the unsettled stomach feeling again. It could. Damn.
Maybe there was something she could do that didn’t involve breaking her word.
Loki finds her phone on the floor by the nightstand and googles what to do if someone you know is being stalked, then decides to visit the library and see if any of the recommended books are available. According to the internet, intimate stalkers are the most dangerous kind, and Loki won’t be held responsible for what happens if the woman tries anything while she’s there. And Norns help the woman if she hurts Darcy, promise or no.
A reminder pings on her phone to remind her to pick up a rare book in Uruguay tomorrow. To be ready for which Loki needs sleep. But sleep is a long time coming.
Darcy really liked the posh British type, and already had a total crush on the woman she was seeing. Lori seemed both strong and assured, yet also brittle and guarded. She was so funny, though! So Darcy had set about introducing her to the best of American modern media since Loki’s parents hadn’t paid for a British TV license or whatever. Lori had read, like, every classic ever, though. It was really impressive.
So what were the modern classics? Star Wars? Disney movies? Should she start with the stuff Jane’s super-British Mom loved? So many important choices! Character driven, obviously, Lori loved those kinds of stories, so maybe The King’s Speech or Black Swan? Ooh, definitely Black Swan! Darcy was gonna hook Lori up with all of the best stuff. Movies first, music next.
Darcy knew she was overcompensating, trying to get Lori to like her as much as she liked the gangly Brit. But Lori was not shy about the fact that she liked Darcy, and it was honestly a bit uncomfortable making herself relax into this and use a more secure attachment style like her therapist had said to try last week. So Darcy reminded herself to relax her shoulders, took three deep breaths, and tried to evaluate whether she would be doing this if she weren't anxious about Lori not being invested in their relationship. She felt a goofy grin break out on her face. And then she got on with her planning.
Darcy liked to trade stories with Loki. She said it was her therapist’s idea, so that she wouldn’t get too invested before she knew the person she was getting invested in.
Darcy confessed, “I have this tendency to leap before I look. And Doctor Ettenson says that I get to take those leaps, but that I will be more prepared to make good choices if I look first, and he’s right. He says that since my mom is a narcissist, that I didn’t grow up knowing how to have healthy boundaries, since I wasn’t allowed to have privacy or really any kind of agency until I wasn’t under her roof. I still can’t talk to her without feeling like an out of control teenager. I dread the phone calls with the chilling frost of a thousand ice ages. But! Now that I get to be my own person, I need to figure out where I need those boundaries to be and then be assertive about enforcing them. So this is a boundary: I don’t want you knowing more about me than I know about you. Fair’s fair.”
“That is ... an uncomfortable proposition, but I will try to match your bravery. I am not used to having my intentions known, nor to being seen, as being good things. In my father’s house anything you wanted was leverage that could be used to force you to behave in the manner demanded of you. I was to be subservient to my father in all things, so I learned to hide everything, learned to lie. Sometimes I feel like I must have been found by the side of the road for my father to treat me the way he did, but the way he treated my brother was not much better for all of that. He was warmer to him, but only inasmuch as he reflected our father’s glory back on him. When my brother rebelled, he was thrown out for a week, and nearly died. I was having a spot of bad mental health myself at the time, trying to prove myself to my father, and later tried to ... I don’t know. Run away? Commit suicide? I’m not sure what I was doing, but I deliberately put myself in grave danger just to get away from my father. I haven’t seen him since. I can’t promise to be any good at letting myself be seen, but I will try.”
“Sounds like I might not be the only child of a narcissist here. C’mere. After this conversation, it is hugs time now.”
Loki let herself be wrapped in warm arms, and decided to see to it that Mrs. Lewis had trouble getting in touch with Darcy. This is a part of her life that Darcy had shared, of her own will.
Darcy turned on a laughably terrible film about modern Yule celebrations and told Loki to, “Hush, you. I need me some Hallmark right now!”
There seemed to be quite a few movies about sapphic stalkers, but she was sure she shouldn’t ask. Loki thought asking Darcy if this had happened to her before, since the books on the subject said that it was not uncommon, would have been boorishly rude and uncomfortable for both of them. So she tried to not think of it, and focussed on increasing Darcy’s feelings of confidence as much as she knew how, complimenting her bravery and tenacity. Perhaps she could get Darcy to take a self-defense course? But Darcy already did not sleep as much as she should have been, and was trying to have a relationship while working ever so many hours of the week, besides. New York was known for being The City That Never Sleeps, which Loki found depressingly apt.
Loki was quite liking some of the modern tales and movies that Darcy had recommended, and their conversations were growing in depth and involvement. There were Midgardian colleges that taught degrees in having informed opinions about books. Literary Theory! Such a thing could never have existed within Asgard.
Loki wished she could have taken such courses here, but the residual magical signature here would only have protected her for so long, unless she stopped using her magic. Shapeshifting wasn’t a form of magic that extended beyond her own skin, and couldn’t be easily detected, but her mischief and the Tesseract were much more powerful signals that could be tracked by even the sort of mages that Midgard boasted. If the Avengers knew even a single mage, Loki would have to leave within the next seven months, or stop using magic. It was a sobering thought.
Loki was as happy right now as she had ever been, with few things to see to other than her own happiness and Darcy’s. No Father, courtiers, endless responsibilities to the throne. No Thor, questing, disdainful Sif, nor the mockery of the Warriors Three. No Asgardian College of Magics with its condescending sorceresses.
The only thing Loki missed of Asgard was Mother. But as much as she missed her, she knew Mother couldn’t be trusted to keep any communication to herself. Perhaps Darcy was right that everything growing and changing around one controlling and unchanging parent could have warped everything in Loki’s life. There was nobody that she was ever able to trust to choose her safety above everything. They devalued her safety, and so Loki had learned to betray herself for their affection. Never again.
There was pain in Loki’s chest when she came back to awareness of herself. She realized that her face was wet with tears, but she felt it as a cleansing pain, as though a poison had been lanced from her soul.
Maybe there was something to Midgardians’ “finding oneself” after all.
Darcy was in the kitchen mixing herself an apple-tini and chattering on about her day, so she didn’t know anything was wrong at first.
It had been a month since they started dating, and Darcy figured that Lori might feel a little threatened if she knew that Darcy worked with The Hot Scientists and around Assorted Hot Avengers. So she’s decided to give Lori a chance to see Thor and Jane as just people, relaxing and watching cartoons, before she springs the whole set on her and was explaining her plan. She was talking about their post-mission ritual for bad calls to assemble, and that morning’s mad scientist had been younger than her, and he had killed himself rather than be arrested. The whole team was a little on edge, but Thor always wanted to see comforting tales of everyday bravery at times like this, and to be surrounded by people talking.
By the time she noticed that Lori has been quiet for a really long time, it had been several minutes of her chattering on about how Lori would probably not get appreciate Steve and his earnest Feminist Ryan Gosling in spandex self, and how that was okay, he kind of affected Darcy that way, too.
Lori then proceeded to quietly freak the fuck out.
In a voice devoid of emotion, Lori said, “What if I don’t get along with any of them? What if you’re the only person in this city who even likes me? I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and some that deeply shame me. And the heroic type, they’re not very forgiving of that, are they?”
“Aww, babe, they’re not like that.” Darcy was concerned about how Lori’s frame had gotten more hunched and tense.
“No one forgives you for being the black sheep of a family that looks honorable from the outside. They look at your mental health problems and they judge you unworthy for having them. They look at how you’ve ruined your own life, how you fell into the hands of one abuser trying to get away from a different one, and they won’t see how you’re trying to claw your way back from that.” Her voice started to tremble slightly. “They’re not going to like me, Darcy. And it would not be the first time that someone deliberately drove a wedge between a lover and I. I’m not ready to lose you, but I will understand if you would rather we parted ways now.” Lori’s shoulders, which had already been high and rigid, also started twitching with repressed shakes.
Darcy has seen this brand of panic in the mirror before, so she stalls for time to think by wrapping the afghan from the back of the couch around Lori’s shoulders. Once her girlfriend is burritoed in a warm blanket and a hug, Darcy asks Lori directly, “Are you trying to get me to break up with you for my own good? You know, I did that back with my first girlfriend in college, and she took me up on it. That sucked, so we will not be doing that, Miss Thing. You are my girlfriend until you cowgirl up and break up with me yourself. While I get it, and thank you for explaining those vulnerabilities to me, those are not good enough reasons for me to break up with somebody. So would you please stay? You don't have to meet my friends yet. It can wait until you’re ready, and we’ll just have you meet Jane first when we do. Janey would never try to break me up from anyone that wasn’t actively abusing me, and you’re not like that.”
“You’ve known me a month. Less than! I could be exactly like that. I was horrible to my brother and his friends, and I left Mother alone with my horrid father. I’m just as bad.”
“Yeah, that’s called reactive abuse and escaping abuse. You’re not “exactly like that”, and pushing back against bullying and coercion is not the same thing as being a bully or an abuser. You are not “just as bad” as they are for trying to defend yourself. If you were, then doing it would have made you feel better, not worse. If you’re beating yourself up over it now, then I don’t think you really wanted to do it then. Sometimes we don’t have good options, so we have to make the choices we can survive. Or at least, that’s what my therapist says.” And here she gave Lori a hard squeeze. “So, no. We are not breaking up. I’m not abandoning you just because you need therapy as much as I do.”
And Lori broke down crying then, hunched over the arm Darcy had across her ribs, because apparently nobody had ever seen through her pushing them away to protect herself and just ... asked her to stay with them? Offered her comfort or safety? Darcy wondered what kind of assholes Lori was related to, or if they all just needed a bazillion years of therapy. Probably that last one.
They talked most of the night that night, and the next day Darcy texted Loki that her boss was teasing her about her girlfriend not letting her get any sleep.
Loki had not considered that Darcy might know Thor. She had assumed her to be another worker for Iron Man’s company, in the gaudy building that even Asgard would consider too ostentatious. But Darcy was so ... good. Generous of spirit to the deserving, yet not a fool; full of life and good humor and her own brand of wide-eyed sarcasm that only the clever would catch.
Then, five weeks in, Loki came to an unpleasant realization.
She loved Darcy. Loved everything about her.
Every time she learned something new about this world, she immediately wondered what Darcy thought of it. She wanted to share every good thing with her. She wanted her to be safe and happy, even if that meant needing to break up with Loki, a proposition that was sure to hurt. Loki quietly resigned herself to panic being useless at this stage of the proceedings. She’d just have to accept that this would fall apart in its own time. She wished she could talk to a therapist, but surely there was no therapist on Midgard that she could be honest with, without her weaknesses getting back to the blasted Avengers, Thor, and eventually Father.
Because she had been paying attention when her girlfriend spoke, that night she took Darcy on a date at a used book store that is also a cafe and a bar.
“I will buy you as many books as you can carry, if you like. We can read them together.”
Darcy said,"You are the perfect woman; you know that, right?"
Loki laughed helplessly. “You are adorably wrongheaded, but the sentiment is appreciated.”
After dinner, they wander the aisles talking about their mutual love of early sci-fi, the smell of old books, and marginalia. Loki plucks a book from Darcy’s hands and starts reading aloud in her sultriest purr, until Darcy swats playfully at her backside. Darcy takes Loki’s hand casually to pull her out of the way of an old man in the narrow upstairs aisle, and then never lets her go. Loki feels giddy and drunk on pure happiness.
They went back to Loki’s place and watched a movie called Dune. Afterward Darcy explained that the book was written as a cautionary tale, about having too much power too young. That the author thought absolute belief in a ruler was morally blinding to the subjects that loved him. About how imbalances of power were inherently corrupting.
Loki tried not to be visibly upset, but then realized that since Darcy was astute at noticing when she was masking her discomfort, she might have felt left out if Loki didn’t explain. Worse yet, she might blame herself for upsetting Loki. Upon reflection, it might even have been safe to talk this over with Darcy, given that her own family problems were much the same.
“Father wanted to be like that; ultimate decision maker as to what was right and wrong, and when those things applied; absolute ruler of his underlings, including us; holder of life and death over all he surveyed. I’m not sure whether my father qualifies as a malignant narcissist but I’ve been reading articles on it after you mentioned your mother being one. The parallels to my family are quite eerie. If my brother was the perfect Golden Child, then I was the withdrawn Scapegoat, and Mother the neutral enabler. She was always so quick to reassure us that Father had a reason for everything that he did that I don’t know whether she considered that his reasons were selfish.”
“Thank you for telling me that. I know this stuff is hard for you to talk about. I was an only child, so I was raised in a game of tug-of-war, where Mom pitted Dad and I against each other. He finally divorced her when I was 16, and I got to live with him until college. But it took my whole childhood for him to stand up to her. I don’t know if he had to realize that what she was doing was wrong or if he just didn’t notice she was fucking us both up. I have a lot of anger at my dad, still, that I’ll have to get in touch with someday, but my therapist says that’s like two more items down the list on our treatment plan.”
Loki reached out and tugged Darcy to herself. “Thank you for telling me. Until you do, I will happily be mad at your parents for you.”
“I used to be so afraid that I would grow up to be like Father. And then when I had my breakdown, and did such horrible things, I was sure that I had. But I’ve been giving thought to what you said about my frightful over-reactions being related to trauma, about them being reactions to abuse instead of intended as abuse. I’m somewhat less ashamed of them now, but I still don’t know how to deal with the feelings which thinking of them inspires. Nausea and this cold pit in my stomach like ...”
“Guilt?”
A sigh. “Yes, probably that. I ... is it alright if we don’t talk about this anymore? Just for tonight?”
Darcy laid a kiss upon her forehead and murmured, “You got it, babe. Thank you for helping me take care of you.”
Saturdays were grocery shopping days for Darcy, time to get supplies for the labs under her care. So of course Angie was waiting for her by the pop tarts. Right in front of the rainbow frosted strawberry sprinkle, by the look of it. Darcy could feel her pulse starting to spike. If Lori got mischievous or possessive around Angie, Angie could get violent. Or she’d threaten violence loudly enough to get security called on her. Which would mean that she would then escalate, and blame Darcy for it. Darcy knew better than to ignore her, but she couldn’t remember off the top of her head what you were supposed to do when in these situations, even though Natasha had talked her through this. Something about either deescalate the situation or document everything. Or was documenting for after?
“Hey Lori, could you go grab me some milk?”
“One gallon or two?”
“One please.”
As soon as she was out of earshot, Darcy walked over to the woman in front of the toaster pastries.
“Angie. I still don’t want to talk to you. Could you please move?”
“So, you replaced me with someone who wears leather pants to the grocery store?”
Darcy held her stare, silently trying to look as cool on the outside as she was cringing and nervous on the inside.
“Oh, kitty-cat has claws now all of a sudden? Or do you? I seem to recall you only having a spine when you had a taser and you don’t have one of those any more do you?”
Darcy desperately wanted to get into an argument with her thieving, verbally abusive, stalker ex-girlfriend, but continued trying to make this awkward for Angie by refusing to react.
The other woman huffed, “See you around”, and walked off slowly.
Darcy grabbed six boxes of Pop-Tarts and went to find Lori.
Darcy was reaching across the booth to play with Loki’s earrings at possibly the loudest restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen, when a booming voice nearby called out “Ho there, friend Darcy! Is this your lovely bosom companion?” Loki could feel her spine stiffening, her shoulders tightening in on herself.
“Oh. Hey Thor. Um.” Darcy flicked a worried glance at Loki.
“Greetings, companion of Darcy! What might you be called?”
“It’s Lori, if you please.”
Darcy’s worried glances at her were making her friends suspicious. Jane in particular watched Loki for several minutes, peering suspiciously from her perch on the side of the booth while their waitress got them settled down next to herself and Darcy and brought drinks. With a growing divot between her eyebrows, she said, “You don’t have to touch Darcy at all times. We’re not going to steal her away from you.”
Darcy glares at Jane, but Loki just replies blandly, “If you were dating someone as hot as Darcy, you would constantly need to reassure yourself that this wasn’t a dream as well.” And then Loki winked at her. Thor laughed and Jane appeared somewhat less suspicious. But Loki laid on the charm anyway, because there was nothing to do about it now that they were here. These are Darcy’s friends, and being possessive and territorial after her previous ill luck in love was sure to sit badly with them.
Darcy and Jane had both ordered large green drinks that smelled of citrus and alcohol, and Jane said they should do a round of toasts to get to know each other. Loki immediately lifted her coffee and toasted “To Darcy. May you remain vibrant and joyful for all of your days.” Everyone lifted their drinks to Darcy and drank.
To which Jane replied, “Ooh, good one! To Lori, I’ve heard so many good things about you, and for Darcy’s sake I hope they’re all true.”
“Oh, absolutely not. I’m sure she’s exaggerating.”
Darcy made a buzzing noise better suited to terrible daytime game shows, and said, “Nope! You are just that awesome. To Lori!”
The toasting continued around with Thor toasting his lady love and Lightning-Sister, the best of friends, and Loki was glad she had nothing in her mouth at the time. “What an odd nickname. Does it mean anything?”
“It means I tased him once when he came here without his powers ... annnnd Janey is glaring at me in Non-Disclosure Agreement, so I’m gonna shut up before I get disappeared.” Then Darcy whispered in an undertone, “But it was totally awesome!”
Not snickering right then was as hard as anything Loki had ever done, but all she did was hide a smirk in her coffee cup for a moment before bumping her shoulder into Darcy’s and saying, “I’ll bet it was.”
Jane and Darcy eventually got up to use the bathroom together, saying, “We’re going to go gossip about you two in the bathroom. Play nice!”, so Loki chose to sit at the table with her erstwhile brother. She steeled herself before turning to him, to find him watching her with an unamused expression. “Explain yourself,” he demanded, tone low and menacing.
“𝔗𝔥𝔬𝔯.”
“Ꝉօҟì. She doesn’t know, does she? She has been speaking fondly of her girlfriend for well more than a month now. Using her to get to me, is that your game? That’s low, even for you.”
Loki replied coolly, “You don’t know me at all, do you?”
“I know this is going to end badly for you.” Thor was obviously trying to keep the booming rumble of his voice down, but that was a veiled threat if Loki had ever heard one.
“You will not ruin this. You will do 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤! She likes me, and if you ruin this then I will ruin you. Your relationship with dear Jane isn’t as stable as it appears. Do we understand one another?,” was hissed equally quietly.
Thor gave her a calculating look that made him look like a puzzled golden retriever and said, “I understand you. Do you understand you?” And then he turned to the returning Darcy and Jane, and in a booming voice announced a toast to Darcy and her new paramour.
The rest of the meal passed uneventfully. On the way out the door, Loki switched the contents of everyone in the restaurants’ pockets. Because she’s still herself, meddlesome brothers and insightful scientists be damned.
The night after they bought and put together Darcy’s new bookcase, Loki rolled over in bed, trying to get comfortable. Which didn’t appear to be happening.
How did one tell one’s girlfriend that you once tried to kill a planet?That you almost killed her?! Loki was trying to be an honest person, to be as good for Darcy as she could be, but everything was as stressful as it had been before, just then. Some of the burdens were better for being shared, but the unshared truth between them was a heavy weight on Loki’s soul. Because as soon as Darcy knew the truth, every moment of happiness Loki possessed was sure to be ripped from her, from them both, to be replaced by heartbreak, abandonment, and for Loki, renewed persecution by a whole team of those to whom Loki owed debts of honor.
She could have fought them, but she had rather not have to. She would have to leave. She had been trying to think of some way to break up with Darcy that would hurt her as little as possible. But Darcy cared deeply for her, already. There was no way out that would let Loki quietly slip out of her life without making Darcy feel as betrayed as Loki had when her father told her she was “rescued” as a babe.
Had that even been true? Had any of it? Or had she killed Laufey for a lie? She had killed one father who might not have loved her for a father who certainly never had. She would not blame Darcy for wanting any sort of revenge on her, for the same sort of lie by omission as Odin had told her her whole life.
Loki had never before lived in a city that she, personally, had destroyed. She had known that the ... guilt ... was affecting her. She wasn’t expecting it to change how she saw herself. How she perceived her decisions.
None of her available choices had been good on Asgard, and there did not seem to be any on this world, either. Loki did not fall asleep that night until nearly dawn.
Darcy was teaching Lori how to cook when there was a knock on the door. Lori kissed her on the top of the head on her way past, saying, “You watch the pasta; I’ll get the door.”
Lori’s voice sounded puzzled when called out, “Darcy? Someone has sent you flowers.”
And then Darcy’s stomach bottomed out when she heard Angie’s voice say, “Yeah. Me.”
Darcy snuck around the corner of the kitchen island, but couldn't see past Lori’s body.
“Oh. You must be her ex-girlfriend. Darcy doesn’t like flowers, she prefers deliveries of books and coffee. Are you bad at listening or did you never ask?”
“Fuck you, Brit, she’s my girlfriend!”
Darcy was about to pull Lori away from the door when she heard the sharp pop and crackle of a taser being fired. Darcy’s stolen taser.
But Lori didn’t so much as flinch, just darted out and the next instant Angie was yelling and there was a sharp crunch like breaking electronics. Darcy wrenched the door open.
“Oh my god! Lori, are you okay? How are you okay? Did you just crush a taser with your bare hands?”
A gun-wielding Natasha suddenly appeared at the far end of the hallway and called out, “Nobody move.”
“I’ve never seen anybody move that fast,” Darcy said.
“I have.”
“Of course you have, Agent Romanov.”
“Loki.”
“... Loki?” Said a tiny voice Darcy didn’t recognize as her own.
Lori dropped her head, and said nothing. Suddenly she was surrounded by rippling blue light, and then was gone.
“What the fuck, you were dating a supervillain?”
“Shut up, Angie.”
Darcy was told to pack a bag and then got taken to the tower for questioning ... and was told she would be staying there for her own protection. As soon as she was in the door, Tony took her phone away, for Jarvis to run scans on. Then Angie and Darcy were taken to separate rooms to answer questions. Darcy had trouble focussing until Clint stopped asking her questions about Lori, and asked her, “Hey, can you feel your fingers? Your face? You look like you might be about to have a panic attack. You want me to get Thor in here?”
“Yes, please. Uh. Can you steal one of Tony’s valium for me?”
“The ones we don’t all secretly know he takes? Sure thing.”
Thor came in and held her for a while, murmuring promises of retribution that were not exactly comforting, until Clint returned with a bottle of water and a pill with a little heart shape cut out of it. Darcy thought it was pathetic that she knew how that pill felt.
“Okay, we left off with the family stuff; he said his dad was a narcissist like your mom. What else did he tell you to make your backgrounds seem similar?”
Darcy shrugged. “Nothing, really. She just, you know, she would talk about stuff that she liked, like practical jokes, that her parents hated. She would listen to me about trying to be good enough for my mom, and tell me which parts she understood and which parts weren’t part of her experience.”
“What is a narcissist?”
“Oh, um. You know how I’ve told you that my mom makes everything about her? And anything that goes wrong is someone else’s fault? Like that.”
“Hmm. Often has Loki privately accused our father of being self-centered, but I took little note of it, as Loki himself is quite self-centered, full of accusations about father and I being too hard on him. Perhaps there is some truth to it, from Loki’s warped perspective.”
“Hey Thor, can you go check on Jane and order us some food? Anything but pasta sounds good right now.”
After Thor had kissed her on the top of the head and left, Darcy put her head in her hands to keep from shaking. She told Clint, “I think she was telling the truth. Oh god, I really was dating a supervillain.”
When they had gone back over the things Loki had said to Darcy, an hour later, they decided to break for food and to check with Tony.
“Everyone give it up for Jarvis: hacker, database cracker, phone tracker, internet hijacker. ... Loki’s phone pings are coming from cell towers in different parts of the country every few seconds, so that’s been magicked. Buuuut we have his library book check-out history, his internet search history, and a trace running on the money trail for his apartment should be back as soon as Lloyds opens for business at 3AM our time. Don’t worry, sweetness, we’ll find the bad man, and put him somewhere he can’t get to you any more.”
But that wasn’t what Darcy’s heart wanted. Not at all.
A week had gone by, with no attempt to communicate. Darcy probably didn’t even have her phone anymore, and Loki felt every inch a pathetic wretch for lying in the bed of a flophouse in Denver for a week waiting for her ex-girlfriend to reach out.
Nothing about this situation could be blamed on anyone but her, no overbearing fathers, no Mad Titans and their damned Stones. She had no good choices and no hope left.
She didn’t deserve to have hope.
She turned her phone off.
Darcy is talking over things with Thor, trying to process her feelings, when she starts having an itchy suspicion.
“I do not believe my brother would do such a thing. Always has he been very secretive and protective when he has taken an interest in a lover”, Thor said, sprawled beside her on the couch.
“Does protective include lying to me about our relationship?”
“You said yourself that the things I have said about our lives match up with the things he said, from a certain perspective. For the God of Lies, that is enormously close to the truth. And the truth is, he treated you as though he cares for you.”
“Yeah, but why, though?” Darcy curled tighter into herself. “If she just wanted an in with the Avengers, I tried to introduce her and she wouldn’t do it. She basically had a panic attack. And if she wanted access to the building, she could have swiped my work ID, shapeshifted into me, and made a lot of trouble around here.” Darcy rested her head on her knees so her next words came out muffled. “I’m nobody. Why would she even like me if it weren’t for a trick?”
“The last time Loki liked a girl, well, the last time that I know of, she was the assistant librarian at the palace. He likes talking about books more than he likes talking about politics or war or any of the things Asgard finds important. I, myself, am learning that there are other important things to think about. Though I still don’t understand why he loves books so much as he does.”
“Whatever happened to her? The librarian?”
“I believe Father offered her a job in one of our other houses in the countryside.”
“Oh. He got rid of her.”
“He did no such thing. He didn’t force her to leave.”
“Thor, if the ruler of an entire planet offers you a job somewhere far away from his kid who likes you, it would be kinda hard to say no.”
“Mm. Perhaps there is that. But Father always has his reasons for what he does.”
“Ugh. Your whole family need therapy. Why are you so sure he cares?”
“I, I’m not. I simply said that it would be unlike him to treat you this way if he didn’t like you.”
“Thoooor.”
When pressed about it, he looked guilty, and eventually confessed.
“I recognized him at the restaurant, and confronted him. He threatened to ruin my relationship with my Jane if I interfered in your relationship. I am sorry for not telling you, but I could not risk Jane in all this, and I knew you were in no danger.”
“You mean you KNEW?! What the fuck, Thor?!”
“Why do you yell at me thus? Have I not admitted my wrong? Have I not apologized? I do believe that even if he started dating you with some other aim in mind, he liked you enough to give up on his scheme. For Loki that is a great deal closer to love than it is to anyone I have ever heard of him liking. You have stolen Loki’s heart out of him, and I am proud of you for it.”
“No, no way! You don’t get to weasel out of this, you knew that I was dating a dangerous supervillain and didn’t tell me! How could you DO that? WHY would you do that?”
“Loki did threaten me, and he did not lack for conviction in his doing so.”
“People threaten you all the time! Why is Loki threatening you any different from the last”, Darcy waved her hands wildly, “thousand years?!”
“Because he wasn’t threatening me for himself. He was threatening me foryou. Because he likes you.”
“I am not letting this go. I think I need some space. Maybe you’d better go.”
Thor hesitated, and opened his mouth to speak.
“Get out of my room, Thor!” Darcy yelled, and slammed the door behind him after he slunk his way out.
Loki had laid in bed at a rental flat in Brazil for two weeks, sulking, until the magic she had laid on her phone began to tingle. She turned her phone back on. She had received a series of texts ten minutes ago. It was from Darcy, who was very obviously drunk.
why dod u lie to me?m
I jsut don't kno what to think ne more about u
WHY
When Loki showed up at her apartment, it was empty.
When Loki texted her to ask where she was, Darcy replied,
be on the terrace at the Tower in 5 minutes, if u wanna get yelled at, LOKI
She collected a few things while waiting the requisite minutes, which seemed to stretch into an infinity of dread, until it was time. When she stepped out of the blue glow of the Tesseract, Darcy had obviously been crying, which made her feel monstrous all over again. Not that she didn’t deserve that.
Loki had brought a bottle of water, which she handed to Darcy and told her, “Drink water before you yell at me, please.”
Darcy sets the water bottle down, and glares at the blanket and bottle of aspirin Loki is holding. She started to pace and held up a finger to indicate that she needed a moment. Loki was happy to give it to her.
“Okay. Okay. I need to know every time you lied to me, even lied by omission, so that I can know how angry at you I am. And then there will probably be yelling. I realize this is our first fight and you’re supposed to pick small things to have your first fight about, but we don’t get to do that! So: lies. Go.”
“I have never lied to you outright. My parents never owned a television because there are no televisions on Asgard. I am an alien, but I am as fuzzy on the details of my origins as I said. I do not trust my father’s version of events, as they paint him in a charitable light, and he is not a charitable person. I was raised to hate myself for not measuring up to the ideals of a race that I wasn’t, not merely for not being the son my father wanted but because my father is racist against my species. He taught Thor and I to be as well; that is why I had such a difficult time processing the revelation of my birth. And then I had what, in humans, would be called a psychotic episode. Such things are unheard of among the Aesir, and will surely be held up as another of my failings.”
“Your Dad is such a dick.”
“My father is a Narcissist, I believe, but he acts like he is the ruler of all that he surveys because he is. None dare defy him openly. The palace jails overflow with those who have tried.”
Darcy clenches her hands and stops her pacing, but is turned away from Loki so that she cannot see her face.
“The things that I haven’t told you that are relevant to your life and decisions are ... several. I tracked down your mother and bespelled her phone to drop calls if she were calling you or your father, after you told me how much you dread her phone calls.”
Darcy makes a sound like a strangled huff that might have been a laugh.
“I am responsible for the destruction of your small desert town. I am unspeakably sorry about Puente Antiguo, and for what I did to Jotunheim. I put innocents in danger on your world, and I do not yet know if anyone died on my birth planet and cannot check without great risk. I was under the Stones' influence for the Battle of New York, and while I do not believe that I should be held to account for being held under mind control, I still remember doing it. It is still the work of my hands. Either way, as the Widow says, there is red in my ledger.”
“Yup.”
“I have seen people who think that women who once thought they were men are lying about being women. But I don’t feel like it is a lie to be comfortable in this body and this gender. I wish I’d thought of running away and going to the Asgardian College of Magics in this form, where I would have received much more respect. But Father would have found me and never allowed me out from under his thumb ... Sorry, that is beside the point. My point is that this form and this name feel just as comfortable as the other one. Moreso, in fact, because they have won me your affection, and I shall be forever grateful for that. I will be staying this way for the foreseeable future, because I like it, and anything I can do to tempt you to speak to me I will happily do.”
“I have been more honest with you than I have ever been with anyone, and I fear that my secrets are now open to the Avengers, and that Thor will someday take them to Father. Someday I will answer for the crimes I have committed in truth, and then also be punished for anything my father thinks I have done in his racism and scapegoating of me for things that properly lie at the feet of himself and Thor.”
“Um. Okay, that’s fair. We can talk about that later, but put it on the list.”
“Very well. You didn’t teach honesty to me, but you made it worthwhile to continue what initially was an experiment at hiding in plain sight. And I thank you for sharing this world’s wisdom with me about the honesty that I did give you.”
“Were you ever gonna tell me?”
“I knew I would slip up eventually, and that your trust in me would be done with. I selfishly did not expect it to be so soon, but I would do the same again. That horrid woman is not allowed to harm you.”
“So you’re what, redeemed now?”
“I can’t redeem myself until I have a self worth redeeming. Step one is admitting you have a problem, yes?”
“Oh my god. You need so much therapy. You and Thor, both of you. You don’t get to make decisions about my life or not tell me huge important things that impact my safety that I don’t get to know about!” Darcy was pacing closer to the edge of the balustrade than Loki was entirely comfortable with, so she put herself between Darcy and the still-bent railing by the edge.
“That’s fair.”
“I still don’t get why though! Why would you do this? What did you get out of it?”
“You. Your company. Someone who liked me, instead of liking what I could do for them.”
Darcy sighed. “Ugh. Okay, that makes sense. But now I am basically under house arrest because of you, and have to live here in the tower and can’t leave without a chaperon.”
“You had a violent stalker who stole your means of defending yourself! Don’t think I missed your name painted on the back of that taser in your nail polish. They should have moved you here months ago And I’m angry with them for not having done so.”
“Oh, you'd've liked that, wouldn’t you? Having access to the tower whenever you liked.”
“I thought you only worked here, for the first month we were dating. I had no idea you had ever met Thor!“
“Oh. Oh! That’s why you freaked out!”
“I did not “freak out”! I was merely ... “ Loki drops her gaze because she can’t even finish that sentence.
“You were freaking out, though. I geddit. Thor’s enough to freak anyone out and you two have bad history together.”
“Much longer than your own history with your stalker, but much of the same animosity.”
“Yeah, Angie “had a talk” with the Black Widow about how close she came to dying twice, and then got taken to the hospital. You broke three bones in her hand. I’ll probably never hear from her again, so, ... mission accomplished, I guess. Speaking of people who seem to want to vanish from my life... ”
“I didn’t want to vanish, but I didn’t think you would want me to stay. I thought you would need space to process after an emotional upset. And I knew that Agent Romanov was going to call the Avengers if I stayed, and I would’ve had to fight her in your tiny apartment, which would have put you in further danger. I knew I should have just bespelled your glasses to keep you safe, but no I had to be honorable and keep my word to stay out of your affairs.”
Darcy’s mouth fell open at that, and no sound emerged for a moment. “... oh my God. You love me. You’re like... in love with me!” Darcy flushed as red as an apple.
“You are delightfully wrong in the head; you know this, yes?”
“Ha! That wasn’t a no!”
“Norns, this is intolerable.” Loki rubbed the bridge of her nose.
“And you love me anyway! Sucks to be you, I guess. ... C’mere.”
“Do not jest with me.”
“Just get over here and kiss me, already, before I change my mind.”
“I don’t think this is a stellar example of setting good boundaries.”
“Shut up for a minute?”, Darcy said, as she approached.
A long time later Darcy pulled back and whispered against Loki’s lips, “Seriously, though, You’re getting all the therapy.”
“Very well, then.” Loki sighed, and went back to kissing her girlfriend.
Loki had been having a lot of meetings on this balcony in the last several days. Stark was wearing his armor, and standing between the area where Loki was seated and the shatterproof doors to the tower. She figured that giving the short-statured man a height advantage might make him feel more in control and thus less likely to react badly to her.
“You did your reading up on our girl. Checked out library books on what to do when a loved one has been abused. Nice job building a backstory, by the way, Antlers. Passport, traffic tickets, credit history, library card, the whole shebang. And as far as Romanov and Katniss could tell, Darcy’s relationship with you was legit, too. So what I’m wondering is, if you did all that, why didn’t you make your move? You waltzed past my security and stole one guy’s wallet?”
“I’ve been too busy being happy to make more than incidental mischief. At the party here I was not trying to harm any of you. I owe you a debt of honor for freeing me from the Stone. I was trying, in my own way, to ease my conscience, I suppose. I was still thinking of your world in terms of Asgard, where great wrongs can be atoned for through feats of great service, though things are not done that way here. I was collecting secrets about who is committing which frauds at your company and others.”
“I’m interested in that, but you realize I can’t just take you at your word.”
“You have video footage of me during the invasion, yes? What color are my eyes?”
“Wouldn’t prove anything. You’re a shapeshifter.”
“Barton can tell you what I looked like when I got through the portal, and what I looked like after contacting the true master of the Stone.”
“Stone? The one in the spear?”
Loki shook her head slightly. “The spear is just a device to channel the Stone. I would make sure that is secured and let no one toy with it like they were doing to the Tesseract. Both are more powerful than current human understanding. By the by, if Thor told you that I fell into undefined space, how do you think I came to show up at the head of an army with an artifact of enormous power? Do you think an outsider was suddenly trusted and exalted by the kinds of people who destroy worlds? Or is it more likely that I was a tool they knew they could control?”
“So whose army is it?”
“Thanos, the Mad Titan, the last member of a race which he destroyed. He has been steadily going about the universe conquering planets and exterminating half their populations in his fanatical quest. Thor can tell you more, I did not concern myself much with the battle plans should Thanos turn his eye on Asgard. But he wants to collect all of the Infinity Stones and use their power for his terrifying goal of universal population control. Ask Thor to tell you the legends of the Infinity Gauntlet. It will sound less far-fetched from him. And then imagine what a genocidal madman could do with such power.”
“Okay, so we’ll follow up on that. Let’s say I tentatively believe you, Rudolph. What do we do next?”
An unamused laugh came spilling out of Loki. “Thor wants me to be an Avenger.” Loki rolled her eyes. “That’s not going to work, though. I can’t tolerate Thor, especially in battle. Barton can’t stand being around me and is unlikely to believe that I was as much a slave as he. He will want someone to blame, and people like an enemy they can see. But I believe it might be for the best if I agree to help in the case of mages or dangers to the world, and don’t formally join the Avengers. I can provide magical assistance without having to be near Barton, and I can use the Tesseract to transport the Avengers anywhere, instantly.”
“You want to be a consultant because you can’t play well with others?” A strange smirk passed across Stark’s features.
“Something like that. And before you ask, no, you cannot have the Tesseract back under any circumstances. Your people’s misuse of it was what allowed me to come through the initial portal, and I’m afraid I don’t trust anyone with the fate of the universe more than I trust myself to keep the stone away from Thanos.”
“I’ll make you a deal, then, Antlers. I set you up with remote access to a private server so that you don’t have to come into the tower, for now, and you help Bruce and Foster advance science, since we’re now ahead of what Thor can help with. Call it a probationary period. I’ll do what I can to explain this to Shield, who will probably want to interrogate you, you can figure that one out on that on your own. Darcy says you’re getting therapy, and as long as you’re making progress on not being a murderous megalomaniac, then you can be a consultant to the Avengers Initiative, pending Nick Fury getting his panties out of a twist about you getting him shot, killing Coulson, destroying half a helicarrier, and trying to level New York.”
Loki paused, winced, and quietly admitted. “I regret my part in the events that led here. If I had been a better person, one less used to subterfuge and war, then war would not have brought me to your world. I am trying to not be that person anymore, and to repair what damage can be repaired. I am gratified you survived being thrown from the window, Stark. You did not deserve,” Loki was quite rudely interrupted by Stark.
“Yeah, no. We’re not doing this. Go apologize to Natasha if you want someone who does feelings. I don’t do feelings. I have a policy.”
Loki heaved a sigh. “Very well. I dislike men who wear eyepatches, however, so you’ll forgive me if I would rather talk to an intermediary, preferably one to whom I was not responsible for something horrendous.”
“Fine. We’ll get Sitwell to interrogate you, though you are apparently free to disappear at any point.”
“I think I am done with disappearing for now. I am rather attached to Darcy, and as long as she is here, I will try to be as well.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Jane stood up across from the Director, and leaned over his desk. “No. Darcy will be continuing to work for me until she says otherwise. You will not put her into an untenable position to coerce her to work for you, or I will explain to Thor what is going on. Darcy will date whoever she wants to date, or I will tell him not to interfere with whatever Loki thinks is amusing retribution. You do not get to decide who has access to the Tower, or when. Take it up with Tony Stark. And in conclusion: No. Neither of us work for you and you have no say in our lives. Darcy, did I miss anything?”
Darcy shot her a grateful look and shot out of her chair. “Nope! Wanna get out of here?”
“Hell’s Kitchen? Tacos and Margaritas?”
“On me, Boss Lady. Have I ever told you how super rad you look telling off world leaders?”
Jane giggled as the door to Fury’s office swung shut behind them. “Call your girlfriend and Natasha, and I’ll call Pepper. This is going to be girl’s night, I think.”
“And we all lived happily ever after!”