Work Text:
You take inventory of your surroundings: shag carpet, shitty fairy lights, shag carpet, and the smell of mango. Somebody is greened out next to you. This is fucking crazy. You are in the shit now. Like literally you might be in the shit; somebody might’ve shit themselves. However, that could just be a migraine induced smell hallucination. It’s like that episode of Spongebob where all of the little Spongebobs are running around in Spongebob’s brain burning file cabinets and shit because somebody asked him what his name was. Well you know what your name is. It’s Your Name(Y/N). On your left, Jeff the killer walks out the bathroom.
“Cool you’re up. I’m gonna go hotbox the bathroom.”
“You were just in the bathroom you fucking idiot.” He doesn't hear you. He just walks back into the bathroom, which also has shag carpeting. This is a shag carpet house. We are a shag carpet family. The bathroom is all windows. Next to you (Y/N) Eren Jeager is greened out. What a fucking chump. You start kicking him. He wakes up from the Levi smackdown PTSD. You laugh at him because mental illness is funny to you. It’s ok tho bc he thought the Levi thing was kinda sexy. (So did you.)
“Ew emo fag*ot” Says eren jeager. He actually says the asterisk parrt with his mouth you(Y/N) donesnt know hwo he does it. God it’s like someone hotboxed your brain.
“That’s because i am.” WOAH who the fuck is that in your head??
“It’s me: scaled down jacob sartorius. I wrote the song sweatshirt. And I also smoke a lot of weed. During a wacky adventure you shrunk me down (I smoked weed).” Like in that YouTube video Tiny Elsa. Jacob is also known for liking Youtube.
You listen closely. He is dropping hints that he smokes weed.
“So we were smoking weed and then i became really tiny so I took the weecd that I smoke (I smoke weed by the way). And Then i crawled up into your ear. It feels so safe and warm in here! Like the womb!” He thinks for a second. “Do you think you could hotbox a womb? I smoke weed.”
ME walks back into the room with you Jeff. I say, “you ever see a women drink all these cokes before?”
Jeff responds saying, “my mom just bought those, they are very warm and need to be frigid.” Which is very much like the bathroom. Which is moist from all of the gathered shower water in the shag carpet walls. This is a shag carpet bathrrom.
“Do you really not think me could?”
*drinks 5 liters of warm coke*
*starts regugitating some coke*
Jeff says, “ are you okay??? That was a lot of coke you just drank.”
I responded with, “ i might be spitting up the 5 liters of warm coke i just drank, but i usually swallow”
*JEff the killer takes off his shirt* He is very smooth
Jacob Sartoroius grows to full size and busts out of your ear, killing you instantly. He then performs CPR and you are okay. WOOOO time to have seggs with Jeff killer.
*starts making out on the shag carpet*
YOur breath taste like hot coke and throw up. Your monkey brain is speed balling you enormous amounts of dopamine.
Chapter 2:
Jeff pulls out his straining member, lubes it up wth coke, and sticks it in raw chicago dog style. You die instantly.