Work Text:
Gerard looks out at the crowd of yelling people, zonerunners and motor babies, killjoys and crash queens. He pushes his sweat-drenched hair out of his eyes, feeling the thrum of reverb along his nerves. Holding up a hand, he marks out the beat 1-2-3 before they launch into Honey.
The bar is packed and there's hardly any empty space on the floor as the kids thrash and push and shove and Gerard's scanning the crowd, looking for—
Fuck. No, he's so not doing this. He isn't. He refuses.
He screams and curses his way through the song until his throat feels raw, matching the way he feels inside, shredded and broken and—
Frank hip-checks him, throws him off balance and he crashes to his knees, still wailing into the mic. He falls onto his back and he can hear the crowd go wild as Frank straddles him, looking wide-eyed and worried.
Gerard thrusts his hips up in an obscene parody of sex and ignores the look Frank gives him. He can't deal with this right now, can't deal with Frank's genuine concern. He just needs time alone; he's much too likely to strike out and hurt the ones closest to him, like a wounded animal, desperate and cornered. He feels strung out and stretched to his limits.
Fuck Poison. Every other time Gerard had pushed him away, he'd always come back like bad luck, cocky grin and attitude. It figured the one time that Gerard didn't mean it, Poison went into the wind and was gone.
He wants a drink, something to take the edge off, to dull the glass-shard scrape of fear and loss that's churning in his belly.
The music crashes to a halt and Gerard lays on the stage panting, exhausted and trembling. Frank and Ray pull him back to his feet and he bows to the excited crowd. He raises his arm and makes a V with his fingers. Out of the corner of his eye Mikey nods, Gerard counts off and the drums whisper into Vampires.
He shouts out the words, hearing them echoed by the people in audience and it's almost enough, almost fills the gaping hole in his life that hasn't stopped bleeding since Poison turned and walked away. Almost, but it's not enough and Gerard can't take it anymore. He can't.
The song dies off into silence and the kids go wild. Gerard looks around one last time as they exit the stage, hoping to see Poison's screaming red hair, bold and bright and fuck you in its intensity. Nothing.
Stumbling off stage, he gasps as Ray, Mikey and Frank envelope him in a bruising group hug, suffocating and claustrophobic and perfect. It's not what he wants, it's not what he hopes for, but it's what he needs right now.
It's almost enough.
-fin-