Chapter Text
“As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn’t matter how, I’ll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won’t mind it too much if I remain outside their lives. The one thing I must avoid is becoming offensive in their eyes: I shall be nothing, the wind, the sky.”
-Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human.
"Kunikiiiidaaaa, I'm boooored..." Dazai chimes, puffing out his cheeks. Piles upon piles of paperwork littered his desk, and he barely fit through. He groans, bashing his head on the desk. "Atsuushiiii~ do my work for me!" He grins at Atsushi and gets an "Eh?! Bu- but- bu-" in return. Kunikida pushes his glasses up, and it takes all of his might to not break the keyboard.
"Kuuu-niiii-kiiii-daaaaa, did you know that statistically speaking, people who live a reckless lifestyle are known to live longer, people who live in an organised manner usually die to unexpected circumstances. Which is why I'm so reckless, ya'know?" Dazai could hear the opening of a tab and the aggressive typing. Well, here goes the loss of another computer.
"I'm lying to you."
The keys exploded everywhere, and Dazai found himself snickering as Kunikida leaned over the table and grappled at Dazai's thin, bandaged neck. Backwards forwards, backwards forwards, backwards forwards, backwards forwar-
Kunikida stops, staring at Dazai. Dazai stares back with his curious, onyx eyes. Kunikida continues glaring, the lens reflecting the light so his eyes were no longer visible. Dazai shifts in his not so aggressive grip. Well, this was awkward. Ranpo stares at the scene, already putting two and two together.
"Why do you smile, every time I do that?" Kunikida questions, glaring at the brunette. It was quite a deep question, and he hadn't expected to get a simple answer.
"I find your response funny, that's all. I always used to annoy people in my free time, when they responded, that is." Dazai stares like it was a simple answer. It was, but Kunikida hadn't been expecting it.
There's a moment of silence, and the day continues. Nobody comments on it. Nobody comments on what went down, because it was normal for them, as weird as it seemed. Nobody could guess the motive behind Dazai's antics, but they weren't going to attempt that, either.
Some had already figured it out, however the majority were seemingly lost - some had thought that Dazai was a teacher that was driven to suicide due to disrespectful students, however Kunikida politely disproved this fact and Dazai himself had declared he had never had the job of a teacher. But that would mean that Dazai had taught someone before, however it likely wasn't what you'd originally expect. Now dazai wasn't old, and was just getting into his early 20s, so he surely couldn't have taught in a school or regular teaching facility. However, no matter how hard you looked, Dazai Osamu had no past. Dazai Osamu had no record of ever existing, not the Dazai they knew, though. It was almost like that slate had been completely wiped clean, or perhaps he never existed in the first place. It was plausible, but with his significance in this world, it was doubtful. However, we also know that the Demon Prodigy, a mere teenager who killed, reportedly, thousands was in many alternate ways, a teacher. Not a teacher of knowledge, but a teacher of experience. A teacher of violence. He was also reportedly a tall, lean teenager with piercing, almost blood red, wide eyes and pale white skin. He was coddled in bandages from reports from onlookers and spies. There was one quote that stuck out to Ranpo though, a word seemingly spoken by anyone who had ever come face to face with the demon prodigy and lived with irreparable wounds.
"The biggest misfortune for the Demon's enemies is that they are his enemies."
Replace that with "The biggest misfortune for Dazai's enemies, is that they are Dazai's enemies." and you have a crystal clear view of Dazai Osamu. Accurate down to the last comma and as telling as Dazai's unfaltering walls he has built up and crafted.
It made sense. It was plausible. Dazai was playful, he coated his problems with lies. Whenever he tried to commit suicide he always masked it as a joke. Dazai knew how to handle a gun, even before he came to the ADA, with pinpoint accuracy. He never missed, and didn't believe in sides. He never saw a difference between good and bad, but he believed in saving people.
It made sense. The Demon Prodigy was Dazai, and Dazai was the Demon prodigy. However, that still didn't explain why there was no trace of him. Even before the mafia, there should've been information on him. There should've been a life, before the Port Mafia.
And perhaps he had been in the mafia, ever since his youth, sold off by his parents.
Or perhaps his parents were in the mafia.
Ranpo wanted answers, and he was going to get them either way. That started with consultation. So he crafted the perfect plan, one Dazai couldn't weasel his way out of fully.
And maybe Ranpo sounded like he was underestimating Dazai constantly, however that wasn't the case. Ranpo views Dazai as the person most similar to himself. They were of equal intelligence and mannerisms, however chose different outlets for their pain.
He could only wish that Dazai realised that he was joking, of course he did.
So, like always, he sticks a lollipop into his mouth and gets to work, his personal work, on just who exactly the demon prodigy was, before suddenly 'disappearing' a few years back.