Chapter Text
“Boss, Loki would like to enter.”
“Mm… let him in,” Tony said absently, not lifting his head from where he was working. With the help of Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, and Loki, he was attempting to construct an invisibility shield for the armor. He thought that it could make a big difference if he could make it work for even a few seconds. So far, none of his attempts had worked. But he thought he was steadily getting closer.
He heard the doors swish open and closed behind him but kept his attention on what he was doing until he felt he had reached a good point to stop. Had it been anyone other than Loki or maybe Thor, he wouldn’t have had the chance to do that: the Avengers as a whole were very jealous of Tony’s attention. They seemed to think he should have endless time for them whenever they needed him, regardless of what else he was working on.
But Loki, and to some extent Thor, were a little more patient than that. So Tony wasn’t surprised to turn around, rubbing at his sore neck, and find that Loki had taken a seat on the nearest empty table while waiting for Tony to be free. Tony smiled at him, but Loki didn’t smile back. If anything, the frown that was already on Loki’s face seemed to grow deeper.
“Um… everything okay?” Tony asked cautiously, casting his mind back to figure out if he’d offended Loki in some way. He didn’t think that he had, but it wouldn’t be the first time that he had pissed someone off without even knowing it.
“Are you a Little?”
The blunt question made Tony freeze. That was the last thing he’d been expecting Loki to ask.
The world as a whole, except for a few people, believed that Tony Stark was a baseline. It was what Howard Stark had paid them to think, after all. Tony had spent much of his life worried that people would find out the truth, but he had mellowed a little bit over the past few years as he came to realize that, Little or not, he had forged a place for himself that no one else could fill.
Pepper and Rhodey and Happy all knew, as did a handful of Tony’s personal doctors who were all sworn to silence and who had signed confidentiality agreements. So did Vision, because Vision knew everything that JARVIS had known. But there was no way that the former would have told Loki, and Tony was pretty sure that Vision wouldn’t have either. So that left one explanation.
About six months ago, after much internal debating and speaking to Rhodey, Tony had decided to admit the truth to the Avengers. He’d thought that it was the smart thing, the responsible thing, to do. The team – Tony’s team – needed to know in case Tony slipped into his headspace out on the field. But even more than that, he’d wanted them to know because he needed help. He couldn’t do it alone anymore, not without JARVIS. He had foolishly hoped that the Avengers might be willing to step up.
What an idiot he’d been.
Tony forced himself to smile like there was nothing wrong and said, “Been talking to the rest of the team, I see. I thought that Barton wanted nothing to do with you?”
“I heard them talking,” Loki said, very softly. “I went into the kitchen to get a coffee. They were in the living room. I didn’t have to try to eavesdrop; they were easily able to be heard.” He sounded a bit defensive, probably because Barton and the others still weren’t thrilled about Loki being here.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Tony said, trying to hold back the wave of bitterness. Rogers, Romanov, Barton, and Maximoff were pretty rude to his face, so he could just imagine what they’d been saying when he wasn’t around. Wilson and Vision were the only ones who even bothered to be kind.
“So it’s true. You are a Little,” Loki said with more confidence this time.
Tony sighed. “Yeah, it’s true. Though I guess that really depends on who you ask. The team didn’t believe me when I told them.” He was careful to keep his face blank as he spoke. He never wanted anyone to know how much that had hurt: to build himself up and reveal a deep secret only to have the people he’d trusted think he was lying and throw it back in his face? Yeah, that was yet another scar to proudly bear.
“Why?” Loki wanted to know, staring at Tony with unsettling intensity. Sometimes it was like those green eyes could see straight through Tony’s flesh and bones and right down to his soul.
“They thought I was making fun of Maximoff,” Tony muttered, looking away from Loki’s eyes. “They thought I was trying to take attention away from her.” He couldn’t help curling in on himself a little bit as he spoke, remembering how completely humiliating it had been.
“So, let me get this straight. You told them that you were a Little and they thought you were making it up?” Loki said incredulously. “Because you’re jealous of Maximoff?”
“Pretty much. Crazy, right?” Tony forced a laugh, hoping that it didn’t sound as quivery to Loki as it did to him. But the truth was, this whole situation had really gotten to him.
He’d accepted that he wasn’t going to get the kind of care from the team that Maximoff got, but that didn’t make it sting any less when all of them went out of their way to dote on her. Rogers would cut up her breakfast and feed it to her; Romanov would happily play dress-up for hours; Barton would change her pull-ups and give her baths and cuddles. Tony didn’t begrudge Maximoff all of that attention – it was what every Little should have, after all – but he could have done without her smug grins, pointed looks, and flippant remarks.
Because of course, she just loved rubbing it in. She thought it was hilarious that the team didn’t care about Tony the way they care about her. Sometimes Tony would swear that she waited for him to be around to need attention.
If Tony was having trouble drinking from a mug because he was feeling too Little, Maximoff would whine for a bottle.
If Tony wet himself and needed a change, Maximoff would demand that Barton change her then and there.
If Tony needed a nap or some sleep but couldn’t settle down, Maximoff would cry until someone came over to rock her to sleep.
It was like she knew exactly what Tony needed when he needed it, and she delighted in getting what Tony needed. And he tried so hard not to be jealous, but that was much easier said than done. He just wanted – he wanted someone to love him. He wanted someone to want to take care of him. But at this point, he would settle for someone who just believed him.
“Tony,” Loki said, moving closer. Tony had to look at him then, though of course he had to look up because Loki was so damnably and unfairly tall.
“What?” he asked, wrapping his arms around himself.
Loki’s eyes seem to glow faintly. “Is she in your head? I haven’t noticed any influence on the team, but I’ve never checked in detail either.”
“I… I don’t think so,” Tony said, but he wasn’t completely certain of that. It would be nice if Maximoff was using her powers to manipulate the team. Then Tony would know for sure that he wasn’t on a team with a bunch of terrible people who just didn’t care about him. But honestly, Tony didn’t think that he was that lucky.
“May I check?” Loki asked.
“Okay,” Tony said softly.
Loki closed the remaining distance between them slowly enough that Tony had time to brace himself. But Loki didn’t try to lash out at him or anything like Tony thought that he might. He merely held his hand out, palm up, and just waited there patiently until Tony slowly reached out to put his hand into Loki’s. Loki gently closed his fingers around Tony’s, but the grip wasn’t restraining.
“Just look at me,” Loki said.
It was hard to meet Loki’s eyes, but Tony made himself do it. The glow of Loki’s eyes seemed to deepen into the color of the forest on a bright, sunny day. The green color was strangely appealing. Tony could feel himself drifting, like the world wasn’t a problem anymore. Normally that would be scary, but the green glow wasn’t frightening at all. Just the opposite. Tony felt safe and warm, and he was almost sad when the glow faded, and he was left blinking rapidly.
“She hasn’t touched your mind,” Loki announced, still holding Tony’s hand. “I can check the rest of the team later.”
“They’ll never let you,” Tony pointed out.
“I don’t need their permission. I asked for yours because I respect you,” said Loki. He said it so casually, but the simple statement made Tony’s breath catch and his chest hurt in ways that had very little to do with the arc reactor.
“Right,” Tony said, trying to pretend that those words hadn’t affected him the way they had. “I need to get back to work, so –” He jerked this chin towards the desk.
“Why did you tell them?” Loki asked.
Tony sighed again, realizing that apparently he wasn’t getting out of this so easily, and said, “I thought it was the right thing to do in case we were out in the field and I dropped into my headspace. And…”
“And?” Loki prompted.
“Because I wanted some help,” Tony mumbled, too low for a normal human to hear – but of course, he wasn’t dealing with a human here.
“You don’t have a caregiver,” Loki said. “You were hoping for them to help you?” He sounded so incredulous that Tony flushed.
“They’re the only caregivers I know!” he snapped, wrenching his hand out of Loki’s. “Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy are all baseline. It’s not the same. And it’s not like I could just trust a random caregiver off the street, okay?” His voice was rising. “It was all fine when I had JARVIS around to help me, but now he’s gone. I have to do everything myself and I don’t even have an A.I. there to tell me it’ll be okay. I just wanted – I wanted…” Tony trailed off and sucked in a shuddery breath, eyes hot.
“I know it was a stupid idea. I get that. Rhodey tried to talk me out of it, but I didn’t want to listen. And I should have. This is all my fault. I should’ve known better.” Tony gulped, embarrassment and shame rolling through him in equal measures. “Just one more way I fucked up. That’s me, stupid Tony Stark actually thinking that someone could care about me.” His voice broke, and he turned away.
He was pretty sure Loki would never respect him again, but he still didn’t want Loki to see him cry. Over the past few months, he and Loki had become pretty good friends given that they were both on the fringes of the Avengers. Loki was sarcastic and sassy and had some questionable morals, but he was also a genuinely good person who cared deeply about those he considered friends. It hurt to think that Tony might have ruined that, however unwittingly.
His back was turned to Loki, so he was utterly shocked when arms wrapped around him from behind. A lean but strong chest pressed against his back and Loki’s chin came to rest on top of his head. Tony stood still, hardly daring to breathe. Loki’s arms were wrapped so snugly around him, pinning his own arms to his sides. But instead of constricting, this felt… good. Better than good. Tony wanted to sink into Loki’s embrace and just let Loki take care of everything, but he couldn’t do that.
Could he?
“You’re not stupid, Tony. They are the stupid ones, and I’ll make them regret what they’ve done to you. I swear it.” Loki’s voice was low and fierce. “It will be okay. You’re not alone anymore.”
Maybe he could.