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“Will you come out with me tonight?” Taeil asked, not taking his eyes off his book.
“Why would I go out tonight?” Kun peered over his glasses.
“Because I want you as my wingman.”
“Why not take someone else?”
“Because you’re my best wingman.”
“...I beg to differ.”
“Please Kun! I heard my crush will be there tonight and I need you! You’re my best friend. I know you’ll help me out if I get nervous.”
Kun kept his hold on Taeil who eventually looked up at him. Kun sighed, “Fine. Fine! But you owe me.”
“I always do.”
“I want that food from the fancy restaurant down the street. You’re paying.”
“I always do.” Taeil smiled and went back to his work. Kun sighed once again.
*
The club was blaring with music and the air was stuffy with sweat.
”Do you see him?”
“Not yet, this place has like three floors.”
“Alright, well let me know.”
Taeil was looking around the room for the familiar coloured streaked hair. He saw a flash of colour in the corner of the room. Two others stood next to him. Taeil smirked, “let’s go.” Kun followed behind him til they reached the trio.
“Hey, we have Music Production together right?” Taeil started.
The man turned around and flashed a smile, “that we do. You sit at the front, right?”
“Yeah that’s right.”
Kun could already feel the nerves against his arm, “This is Taeil, and I’m Kun. Is it okay if we join you?”
“Not at all! Actually, we were just talking about the MP prof.”
“About how incompetent he is about giving us official deadlines?”
“Oh god, tell me about it.”
The night was going well, the five of them had formed a little group around the table and were taking turns getting drinks. Taeil had stayed between Kun and his crush all night. Kun did his job of occasionally hyping Taeil up, “You know Taeil got the highest score on the entrance exam?” and “Taeil can play any instrument if you give him an hour” - their drunk asses had found the euphemism in that one.
“Okay, my round!” Kun shouted as he took everyone’s order and went to the bar.
“He’s cute.” commented the crush.
“Yeah he is. He’s great,” smiled Taeil.
“How long have you been together?”
“I’m sorry?” Taeil’s eyes blew wide.
“How long have you two been dating? It feels like you were together before uni.”
“Oh yeah… we’ve known each other for a long time."
“So years then?”
Taeil couldn’t reply. He couldn’t say ‘No! We’re not dating! Kun? Hell nah. Plus it’s you I have a crush on,’ because that’d be weird. He didn’t want his crush knowing in case he didn’t feel the same way.
“You look good together.” Taeil’s ears immediately perked up to how his voice had gotten quiet.
“Are you jealous?” Taeil leaned his chin in his hand, tilting his head slightly.
“Maybe I am,” smiled his crush. There was a glint in his eye.
“Of me or of him?”
“Him… he’s lucky”
“Oh really?” Taeil arched an eyebrow.
Kun came back over with the tray of alcohol, “What did I miss?”
Taeil immediately wrapped his arm around Kun’s waist. Before Kun could speak, Taeil winked at him. He knew he had to play along.
“Apparently we weren’t so sly.”
“About what?”
“Seems like we’re dating.”
Kun froze in his spot.
“Dating?”
“Yeah. We don’t need to hide it. They already know. And it appears they think we look cute together.”
“Cute together?”
“Exceptionally,” the man spoke, as he took a sip of his drink.
“Well, thank you,” Kun felt his heart speed up as Taeil pulled him closer towards him.
“And seems like someone is little jealous,” Taeil winked at said someone.
“I can’t help it when you’re so cute,” the man didn’t leave Taeil’s eyes.
Kun started, “Oh well then you could-”
“-How about you hang out with us?” Taeil cut Kun off before he could finish his sentence.
“Why would I want to butt in on your little dates?”
“They won’t be dates. We’ll be friends hanging out. We’re already in the same class and we got that group project coming up… why don’t we all work together?” responded Kun. He could see what was going around in Taeil’s little head.
“...you sure I won’t be taking away your time?”
“We live together. You wouldn’t be taking any of our time,” smiled Kun.
“So, what do you say? Will you hang out with us after tonight?”
“I don’t see why not,” the crush smiled.
*
“You do realise how bat shit crazy you sound, right?” Kun spoke while they were eating breakfast in the kitchen the next day.
“It’s batshit but, no one’s gunna get hurt right? He’ll hang out with us, we’ll get close naturally, and then...” Taeil put his index fingers together.
“You seriously think this is going to work?”
“I do! I really do...”
“...” Kun placed his fork down with a clatter, “you really couldn’t have thought up a better, safer plan?”
“I can always try a better one if this one doesn’t!”
Kun huffed again. His brain was spiraling out of control. “You’re insane you know that.”
“I know but trust me. It’ll work. And it won’t last long.”
“So… if we do this. We need rules. Like how much, when, where,”
“Well to be honest, I don’t think it’ll be much different. Just we hold hands in public, or make our selfies a little more lovey dovey than usual.”
“So nothing major?”
“No, course not! Doing anything more would be weird.”
“Weird?! You saying I’m no good?!”
Taeil laughed, “Kun, we’re best friends. I love you but not like that. Can you imagine us kissing?! Blehh.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Kun chuckled. He felt something in his heart physically tug.
“So you’re saying you’ll do it?”
“I don’t have a choice do I?”
“Thank you!”
“You owe me big time after!”
“I always do! Whatever you want!” Taeil smiled and dug into his breakfast.
*
Kun knew it wasn’t going to be ‘whatever you want’ because what Kun wanted was Taeil. They’d been friends for 4 years and Kun’s had a crush on him for 3 of those. He thought it was a little crush that would go away. He thought he was just interested in Taeil because there was no one else that interested him. Taeil was talented, smart, funny, he looked really, really good when he actually tried. He thought he only liked Taeil because ‘don’t all besties have a natural crush on each other?'. He thought it would just fizzle out and he’d have something funny to look back and laugh at. But those feelings never left, they only grew. More so once they got into university and ended up taking the same major together: Music and Production. They ended up doing so many duo projects together. They always sat with each other. They even got an apartment together before their uni life even started. He started seeing Taeil and his messy hair and puffy eyes more often than not. They would study in their living room; Taeil with his wine glass of cola and his shorts riding up, tempting Kun to look. He knew they had ridden up, but he didn’t want it on his conscience that he was seeking more than he was going to get, so he never directly looked. But he knew. Just like he somehow knew Taeil’s lips looked soft or that his hands would be the squishiest in the world. So now he was stuck in this plan; a plan that he actually wished with all his heart was reality. While he was thankful things would stay normal at home and pretty much whenever Taeil’s crush was not around, he was still incredibly nervous about being obvious in all those other situations.
“Okay how about an insta account?”
“We already have our own Illie.”
“I know but a private one with pics of us so he thinks we’re really together. Loveydovey ones.”
“You are going incredibly far faking this relationship for your crush.”
“Well, it seems his jealousy will pop out if he sees such kinds of pics.”
“And that’s what you want? Your crush jealous and being verbal about it?”
“Of course! That way I know he really does like me.”
Kun couldn’t help but laugh, “you’re absolutely ridiculous.”
“So can we?”
Kun huffed, “ fine . Make the stupid account,”
“Thankies Kunnie,” Taeil skipped back to his room as he made the new account ‘KunTaeil’. Kun watched him go back to his room. God his butt is so bouncy and cute, he mentally hit himself.
“So you guys have a joint account?”
“Yeah, it’s private because we don’t want friends and family to know we’re not…”
“Oh I get it, don’t worry!”
“And it’s new, so sorry if we spam all our old pics on there too.”
“Hey, it’s your account. And it’s a cute idea.”
“Cute because a cutie is in the pics?”
Kun wanted to throw up.
They were at a cafe, the three of them, supposedly planning their next group project for Music Production but had only managed to order coffee, drink the coffee, and scroll through instagram.
“Hey what’s this one?” the crush spoke.
“That’s from graduation. Kun was the best in the year, so got to give The Big Final speech,” Taeil rested his head on Kun’s shoulder.
“Wow that’s so cool!”
“Oh please. Taeil got top marks getting into this uni, that’s more impressive,” scoffed Kun.
“You should take pride in your own achievements Kun.”
“He’s right Kunnie,” Taeil pouted. Cute.
“Okay, I guess I’ll admit this one,” Kun placed his head on top of Taeil’s.
“Good, you should...anyway, shall we plan this project?”
“Yes!” Kun and Taeil shouted in unison as they broke apart.
*
Kun will never forget the first ’date’ they went on.
“Let’s have a date at the library,” Taeil suggested as they walked out of class. Kun couldn’t say ‘no’ could he? So they grabbed drinks at the nearest cafe and got to the library. They studied for the most part but in the middle both of them were losing steam.
“Let’s take some pics!” Taeil shout-whispered.
“In the library?”
“Yeah, you can get some really cool pics in a library."
“...alright?”
Taeil grabbed Kun’s hand, “w-what are you doing?”
“A cute one with the books.”
Taeil intertwined his fingers with Kun’s as he arranged the books around them to appear aesthetically pleasing. He snapped a shot of their fingers with books in the background. Taeil nodded in approval and immediately uploaded.
“Do I not even get a say?!”
“You’ll look good whatever Kunnie,” he looked at Kun, “trust me.”
I always do.
Taeil pulled him to the bookshelves and they took classic shots of them pretending to read books; another was with one of them peeking their face through a hole in the bookshelf; a final one was just of their shoes, facing each other, implying that maybe they were kissing, but in reality they were just looking at each other, breaking into a smile and a small giggle at the awkwardness and close proximity. Taeil put love hearts around the shoes and uploaded it to insta.
I wish I could join ;)
the commenter Taeil was waiting for wrote.
“So?” asked Kun now that they were back in their seats.
“Working like a charm,” he showed Kun the screen. Kun grabbed the phone and replied.
“Hey!” Taeil tried to grab his phone back.
You should next time then ;)
was the reply.
“You truly are the best wingman!”
“Yeah I sure am.” He sure was.
*
The next time they took pictures for the account was during their weekly trip to the ice cream shop.
“Same as usual?” Kun asked as they walked to the counter.
”Actually I want choco and strawberry today.”
“Ugh, basic.”
“No, romantic,” smirked Taeil. Kun quickly faced the counter before the flush on his face could be seen. They took their usual spot next to the shop’s window and took pictures of their ice cream.
“I have an idea,” spoke Taeil as he scooped up some of Kun’s ice cream.
“Hey! ... what idea?”
“This.” Taeil placed the spoon on Kun’s nose. It was very cold . “Great, now look at me.” Click. “Good.. Pout…” Click. “Great…”
“Can I clean my nose now?”
“Yeah sure,” Taeil’s attention was on his phone. Kun watched Taeil fiddle with insta for a while.
“Can I try something?” he tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice.
Taeil looked up, “What?”
Kun took Taeil’s spoon and wiped a little ice cream under Taeil’s lip.
“Okay, hold on.” Kun opened his camera on video mode and pressed record.
‘Illie, you got a little.’
‘A little what?’
‘Let me…’ Kun brushed his thumb over the lip to get the ice cream, ‘there all better!’
Taeil huffed out a laugh, ‘where would I be with you,’ he smiled.
“There! Got it!”
“Kunnie, you are a genius! This is great! You should plan all our ideas!”
“Oh no, I’m not being in charge of this scheme you planned,”
“Fine fine. But this is genius!”
If only it was real.
*
“Isn’t the moon beautiful tonight?” Taeil was looking outside the window of their apartment.
“Do you mean you or the actual moon?”
Taeil laughed loud. Kun loved his laugh.
“The actual one. Come see.” Kun joined Taeil at the window. It was a full moon, bright, and white, and all so beautiful. It felt bigger than usual too. Kun looked at Taeil, “I have an idea.”
“What kind of idea?”
“A romantic one. You’re gunna love it,”
“Okay, tell me what to do."
“Get your coat. We’re going out."
“The Kun is going out instead of studying?”
“This idea is far more interesting than studying right now,” he put on his coat and led the way out. Taeil followed behind.
“Kun it’s like zero degrees outside and we’re in our pajamas.”
“And what we’re about to do is gunna make your crush drool."
“Okay if that’s the case, I’ll shut the fuck up.”
Kun led Taeil to the park near their house. It was a rather large park with a path that had overhanging trees. As predicted, the moon’s bright light was seeping through the trees a little and created a beautiful light and dark pattern on the floor. He took a few pictures of the floor before directing.
“Okay stand in the center,” Taeil did as he was told. The shadows and light against Taeil and his coat were just beautiful. Click, click .
“Okay, let me do you.”
Kun snorted.
"Not like that!”
Kun gave Taeil his phone and stood among the lights and shadows. Taeil knelt near him to get an upshot view.
“Look at me,” Kun looked down. He was supposed to be staring into the camera, but Taeil’s concentration face was adorable, and his position was giving him bad ideas. Click . “Here you go,” he handed the phone back, standing up again.
“Okay take your coat off."
“What? In this weather?!”
“I’ll be quick I promise, just take your coat off and sit against that tree.” He took a few pictures of Taeil posing against the tree. They tried a sleeping one too but it didn’t work out so well. They also took video of Kun playing and chasing Taeil among the trees. The video cut when Taeil slammed into him.
“Okay last one,” Kun handed the coat back. He instinctively took Taeil’s hand and led him to the small pond that was in the park. The moon could be clearly seen hanging in the sky. Kun stood in front of Taeil.
“Ready?”
“Okay?” Taeil had no idea what Kun was thinking. Kun lent his forehead against Taeil’s, looking down. Taeil relaxed against his forehead too. Click .
“Let me check it got us and the moon in… Okay, got it!”
“Have I told you you’re a genius?”
“Only like everyday,” giggled Kun. “Let’s go home, it’s cold.”
“You better make me some hot wine after dragging me out here.”
“Of course! Only for the best!”
Because you’re the best.
*
“You sure you guys are in the right major?” the three of them had met at the library to discuss the genre and theme of their project.
“What do you mean?” asked Kun as he got their project papers and guidelines together.
“Your photos are amazing! You could do a photography major instead!”
“Oh, well I’m flattered. I’m sure Illie is too.”
“Are you sure it’s the art and not the artist that’s making the photos beautiful?” asked Taeil.
“Why not both?” his crush, who had now dyed his hair orange, shrugged.
“I think he makes a good point. The art and the artist make the photos beautiful,” responded Kun as he sat down.
“And which one are you?” Taeil leaned towards Kun. Kun looked at him straight in the eyes, “I’d rather be the artist,” he leaned in himself.
“I can tell! There’s so many more pics of Taeil than of you Kun! Taeil, you should take more of him!”
“Well, if you say so,” Taeil winked. His crush froze in his place. He was taken aback by Taeil’s forwardness. Kun couldn’t help but laugh, “alright, stop your teasing Illie. Let’s figure out our project plan.”
I wish I could take your picture everyday.
*
Kun came out of his room. He wasn’t sure of the time, but the sun was barely rising. His bladder had woken him up. On his way back from the bathroom, he noticed a little dark lump at the dining table in the middle of the kitchen. Taeil had fallen asleep mid-study. His face was on top of his books, hair splayed everywhere. Kun knelt down to look at him. You’re so beautiful. He spotted Taeil’s phone, tapped the pin in and opened the camera app. He covered the sound points with his fingers and snapped a pic. He quickly sent the picture to his own phone and deleted all evidence of the picture and message.
Kun couldn’t resist. His hand reached out and brushed the hair back from his eyes. Taeil stirred.
“Ugh… what time is it?”
“I don’t know but it’s nearly sunrise,” Kun whispered, “you know you shouldn’t sleep like this.”
“I know but I was inspired to write lyrics for our project.”
“Go to actual bed and get a few hours,” Kun stood up as Taeil did.
"Okay.. see you in a few” he pulled his hoodie’s hood over his face and shuffled into his room.
Wish I could follow you to the bed and cuddle you.
*
A shy little boy couldn't recall that he himself was a statue,
Immersed in reeds playing beautiful songs of praise.
The world, because of you, showed
These forms on a sunny day.
“Hey, what’s that?” Taeil pointed over at Kun’s phone.
“I thought we could put short singing clips on our insta too. I used the picture from when we went out in the moonlight.”
“Oooohhh, so we’re not just photographers?”
“Exactly. To prove we’re actually in the right major."
Taeil laughed at that. Kun’s heart somersaulted.
“Good idea. You sound good. As expected from you.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
Taeil laughed again, “I’ll try and think of something too...” he went back into his room.
Thank you, for otherwise, innocence is something I've already forgotten.
(Lover From A Previous Life by Jay Chou)
*
“Pleeasseee go with me,”
“Taeil, no. Why would I go with you? Why not with your crush?”
“Because he can’t go. And I don’t wanna go alone. Ppplleeeeaaasseeeeee,”
“What am I getting out of it?” Besides pain.
“Come on! I know you like this stuff! It’ll be fun, come on!”
“And how much time will be spent actually being your friend?”
“We’ll take 3 photos max and then we can be normal, I promise.”
“Is this plan even still working?”
“Yes, yes it is. Trust me.”
“Don’t I always?” Always.
“So please will you go to the theme park with me?”
Kun huffed, “fine. But you’re paying!”
“Don’t I always! Thank you!” Taeil made gun fingers and shot them at Kun, and ran into his room to get ready.
Kun huffed into his lap… this is the last time. I have to tell him…
“What’s the theme?” he yelled towards Taeil’s room.
“Wear your baseball jacket!” Taeil yelled back.
The theme park was pretty crowded by the time they got there. They had entered with the night ticket because it was cheaper and there were less kids. Also Taeil really wanted to see the nighttime firework themed parade. Lights were glittering everywhere, riders were spinning overhead and nearby.
“So what first?”
“Well, I don’t wanna ruin our time so let’s get the romantic shots out of the way, okay?”
“Oh sure...”
Taeil ran towards a couple, “can you take our picture?”
The posed in front of the giant fountain at the park’s entrance, arms wrapped around each other.
“Kunnie you didn’t look at the camera!” Taeil complained when he got the phone back.
“I thought it’d look more romantic if I looked at you instead.” he lied. Taeil was just too close and too beautiful to look away from in that moment.
“Oh good thinking! You always have the best ideas. You’re gunna have the best shots when you finally date someone.”
“Yeah, I guess so...”
“We’ll have to have a competition.”
“We sure will… so what's next?”
“Oh, I know,” Taeil grabbed Kun’s hand and pulled him towards the food stand, “it’s on me,” he bought them each an ice cream; one vanilla, one strawberry. He dragged Kun over to a bench by the hand and pulled him to sit down. “Okay, let’s do the arm intertwine thing.” They twisted their arms like they were going to take shots. They were staring at each other. Taeil had his small smirk. The one he wore when he was having fun. Click “One more to make sure.”
Kun got lost in Taeil’s eyes. The colour was the same old brown as many other’s in the world, but he couldn’t help but see a softness in them, a shine to them. They’d been friends for so many years, and yet he was still not sick of taking in those beautiful eyes. Click . “Okay, we got it! What should we do for the last photo?”
“How about we leave it til the end?” Kun had a plan.
“I said we’d get them out of the way fir-”
“The most romantic place is the ferris wheel, but we always ride that last don’t we? Let’s enjoy our time and do it at the very end, okay?”
“Got it. Okay, let’s finish these ice creams and let’s get it!”
The night was a blur. They had rode a few rides. Some of them span, some of them dropped, some of them were calming tour rides. They spent their time in line talking about everything and anything. They had ended up laughing so much they could barely get themselves off the floor, keeled over from laughing. The nighttime firework parade had been a blast too. They were close enough to feel the fireworks heat, and got some really nice shots of dancers on the parade floats. Finally, they made their way into the ferris wheel carriage. Click a photo of Kun posing. Click a photo of Taeil posing.
“When we get to the top, let’s take a two shot,” suggested Kun.
“Sounds good,” Taeil was focused on his phone. Kun watched him typing away, looking so focused. He whipped his face away to face the window and looked outside instead.
“Illie...”
“Yeah?”
“There’s something I need to tell you,”
“What is it? Are you okay?” Taeil whipped his head up from his phone.
Kun turned to him. “Oh nothing bad! Don’t worry! Nothing alarming!”
“Oh good,” Taeil smiled and went back to his phone. Kun went back to the window view. “So what is it?”
“I need to tell you something,”
“Okay, go on,”
“I think I-”
Burrrr
“Oh, hang on,” Taeil answered the call, “Yeah? … Yeah I’m still here… Are you really asking that? … why do you think?” he was smiling, “why else would I invite you to a theme park? … Yes…. YES! … Of course! … Yeah, I’m not lying… I really like you… Well, I like you too! ... No, no we’re not… I’ll explain properly later… honestly… scout’s honour… it was to get your attention… I know, Kun thought so too,” he giggled, “so are we on the same page? … I like your thinking… yeah, let’s do it!... talk to you later… okay… yeah, he’s right next to me… he says ‘hi’... yeah, okay… okay, bye!”
“Was that-”
“Yeah! He finally admitted and came out that he likes me! I knew it! I guess we’ll be going on a date soon! It worked Kunnie! I told you it would!”
“I’m glad your batshit crazy idea worked...”
“Me too! I’m glad it worked too,” Taeil smiled at his phone.
“So we don’t need to take anymore photos tonight?”
“Well we can take a bestie one. Hey! We’re at the top! Say cheese,” click . “So what did you want to say?”
“Oh…. I said…. I think I wanna become a music producer. A real one.”
“Oh my god that’s amazing! I’m happy you’ve figured out what you want!”
“Me too...”
“Maybe I can be your artist and you can be my producer after we graduate! Wouldn’t that be great?!”
“Yeah… yeah it would.”
Why do I feel like we just broke up?
*
Kun placed the last pieces of cutlery on the table. He had put a red table cloth over the table especially. Tonight was special. This was his last chance. He went back to the kitchen and checked on the food. He heard jingling at the front door. He smiled. He could do this. He turned towards the front door.
“Hey Illie I-” he stopped in his tracks. Taeil was in the entrance taking off his shoes, but behind him stood-
“Oh hey Kunnie, I just quickly came to get a change of clothes.”
“Change of clothes?”
“Yeah! I’m going straight out on a date, finally, ” Taeil walked through the house and into his room.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he gestured towards the kitchen and the living room table.
“Oh no! Actually, I too have a date tonight.”
“Oh really? So it’s true you and Taeilie were just faking it to make me jealous?”
“We are just friends, don’t worry. And I’m sorry for his dumbass idea. I told him it was batshit and probably wouldn’t end well but-”
“But it worked and here I am.”
“And here you are.” The atmosphere dropped into silence, “I better check the food, come in.” He led the way back to the kitchen.
“To be honest… I thought maybe…”
“Maybe what?”
“I thought maybe you actually liked Taeil.”
“I do, he’s my best friend.”
“No, I mean. Actually like him. You just seem to look at him in a way. Like you were actually interested.”
“Oh no! I just went along with Illie’s plan to get you interested in him.”
“You sure? Cos there’s more pictures of him in your ‘couple’ insta account than of you. I just thought maybe you were more… into it than him.”
“Nah, no way. I guess I should be an actor on top of being a photographer?”
“Yeah maybe you should because you sure had me convinced!” he laughed, “so… you sure it's okay?”
“Yes, I’m sure! Now, go get your man," Kun spoke as Taeil exited his room and into the kitchen.
“Kunnie what’s this?”
“I too actually have a date tonight.”
“You finally found someone you like? I thought you’d never be interested in dating! Well, I hope it goes well.”
“You too. Now get out of here before mine shows up.”
“Okay, thanks! I’ll call when I’m heading back.”
“Okay, enjoy!”
“Bye!” Taeil walked out of the housem leading the way.
“Bye Taeil!”
“Bye!”
“Bye Yuta! Don't forget you still owe me big time!”
“I always do!” yelled back Taeil.
The door shut.
Kun put down the utensil he was using. The food was ready. He took some oven mitts, carried the pot of food and placed it on the table. He sat down and stared at the food. He felt the oven mitts fall off his hands and onto the floor.
Some time passed before he stood up and took his guitar out of his room. He dragged his chair to the window where he could see the moonlight. He pressed record on his phone.
I guess this is it
I wanted to do better
I still don't know
I've only went this far
Love is a little hard
That's right, I'm so so
Maybe I'm young-minded
I didn't want to be caught
A secret only I know
I'll bury it here
Love is a little hard
He stopped the recording. Tears ran down his face. The food was long cold.