Work Text:
@andrewminyard hasn’t tweeted yet.
---
@andrewminyard
Following 1
1,562 followers
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@patricia_kicks
minyard, when I said you have to
make a twitter account, I did not
mean make one and don’t use it.
What a shame for you that you did
not stipulate that in my contract.
there’s lots of content on here that
might appeal to you.
I am aware. I follow you. Pet your
cat for me.
mitsy.jpg
Mitsy is a terrible name for a cat.
we’re getting off topic here
Oh misfortune
it actually is in your contract, that
you use social media to publicise
matches and the brand of the team.
Ok. But you will regret it.
I am quaking in my boots
Photo.
boots.jpg
I hate them
where did you get them
thanks
tweet something and I’ll tell you.
---
@andrewminyard
Social media is a waste of time.
@exyisexy566
omg andrew are you alive
@danielhatessocks
oh hi
@gofoxes_yas
oh wow he graces our presence lol finally
@serendipitysteven
OH HELLO what’s it like playing with kevin day??
@reelectnixon
so are your attempts at blocking the goal, but you don’t see us complaining
@andrewminyard
pathetic
@reelectnixon
omg I can’t believe you actually replied lmao block me
---
@patricia_kicks
how would you say that went on a
scale of 1-10
You owe me.
I got them at the DM store on 5th
avenue.
MINYARD
we’re not done.
---
Trending
ANDREWMINYARD
Top Tweets
@helloimtherealandrew
Did anyone see Foxes v Tornadoes? Is Andrew Minyard on drugs or something?? My grandma could cover the goal better. She’s 93 but her wheelchair is pretty solid idk
@FoxesNewsOfficial
Andrew Minyard, newest member of the Foxes made a poor showing last night, saving only 4 goals, his apathetic performance in the goal making many wonder why (/1)
@FoxyLadies!!!
omg andrew minyard was so shit, what the hell happened??
@foxesforlifses
I don’t wanna say I told you so, but Andrew Minyard was a weird choice from the beginning – he’s apparently from an abusive background, and clearly lacks the ability to care about the game.
---
@helloim_kevinday
don’t look at twitter
andrew?
You are full of contradictions.
ignore it
they’re not wrong
but there’s no point
meet me later, we need to talk
about last night
We already talked.
we need to have a conversation
where I talk and you listen
andrew, I brought you here
Yes yes, we went over this bit.
It’s my name on the line
Your name, your reputation,
everything you’ve worked for.
Andrew
Later. You talk, I listen.
---
@andrewminyard
Sometimes I think exy would be better without the fans.
1,936 replies
@jurisprudencexy
andrew minyard doesn’t have any fans
@constantiNOPEal
maybe if andrew got some fans he could use them to block the goal
@knifeinlikebutter
wow my feelings are hurt… uwu
@jessicagayvis
give me free tickets to your next game and I’ll prove you wrong! ...PLEASE
@kylowrong
lmao andrew needs to get laid, so sad no one’s offering
@andrewminyard
Thanks for proving me right.
---
@aaronmf
Wow, what a surprise
You’re just as popular on here as
you are in real life
Who’d have guessed.
Thanks for your opinion.
No wait, I think I meant something
else. How do you say - not thank
you. Opposite thank you.
Do you ever think you’d enjoy your
job more if you were nicer?
What a stupid suggestion, never
mind.
Oh Aaron, do not be such a hypocrit,
little brother.
You’re so fucking full of yourself,
shorter brother.
I have a wife, a job I love, what
have you got?
$600,000 a year.
Fuck off.
---
Trending
Andrew Minyard
Top Tweets
@ExyTimes
ARTICLE: Who is Andrew Minyard? Fan favourites for their ‘unique’ playing style, The Foxes’ newest starting goalie – traded for on recommendation of college teammate and Exy’s Queen Kevin Day – stumps fans with lacklustre performance. We dive into AM’s past to find out more. #exy #foxes #andrewminyard #twabuse
---
@patricia_kicks
minyard, have you seen the article?
never mind, we have it under
control.
you don’t need to do anything.
feel free not to tweet.
carry on.
---
@FoxesExyOfficial
We have no comment on the contents of the article written by ET, but condemn the invasive attack on Andrew Minyard’s character based on the rumours of his past. We have nothing but support and hope for his position on the team, and look forward to playing him in future games.
---
@helloim_kevinday
answer your phone
fine don’t
---
@helloim_kevinday
I have nothing to say. Please stop asking me. Andrew Minyard is a friend, and an exceptional player. That is all.
---
@nickyhemmywhaaat
heyyyy haha
listen, not that there’s anything to
see
but uh
have you seen it? are you ok?
---
Latest Tweets
@garylovespussing
Should have known minyard had no parents. Freak.
@CharlieBrownGoesDowntown
so minyard comes from nothing but living off taxpayers’ money, and now earns $1m a year… no wonder he doesn’t give a fuck about the game, he’s white trash. bet he’s never had to try hard in his life.
@moonspiracy
[this tweet contains muted words, click to see]
---
@itsyourbaerenee
Hello :) what are you up to?
Now why would you ask me that.
When you know exactly what.
You should not waste your time,
you know that.
Do not tell me what to waste my
time on. Maybe I get a kick out of
reading that I am, and I quote,
waste of space white trash.
I know that you do, that’s why I’m
concerned.
I was joking.
I am not.
As if I care what the faceless entity
thinks of me.
I care that some of it reflects what
you think of yourself.
So little faith. How hypocritical.
I happen to think nothing of
myself at all.
I know.
Andrew, I’m serious.
This is my least favourite version
of you.
Ok. Chinese?
Egg rolls.
I’ll be half an hour.
Bring favourite Renee with you.
Disney movies it is.
That is not what I said.
But if you must.
---
@andrewminyard
Kronk has more braincells than everyone on this app combined. And I really mean it.
@exyhaterandproudofit
lmao this guy. have you got nothing better to do than make yourself as unpopular as possible
@lavishlylavender
maybe if you practised more instead of watching kids’ films we’d have more respect for you
@underarock
are you live tweeting the emperor’s new groove
@andrewminyard
explain
@underarock
you can probably figure it out what with all your brain cells
@andrewminyard
just for @underarock here is the sum of all my thoughts on the emperor’s new groove: llamas are better than people.
@underarock
I definitely did not ask for that
@andrewminyard
funny, I do not remember asking to be here at all, but here we both are
@underarock
maybe next time when they ask you to sign on the line, do us all a favour and spill your favourite gatorade over the contract
@andrewminyard
blue
@underarock
blue isn’t a flavour. and the correct answer is orange. heathen.
@underarock
I would like to inform @FoxesExyOfficial that @andrewminyard is breaking his contract by promoting blue gatorade over orange. what can be done.
@andrewminyard
how bored exactly are you
@underarock
twenty
@FoxesExyOfficial
oh dear… sounds like a contract strike to me! What do the fans think? #exy #gatorade #orange4life
@gatorade
It’s #BLUE versus #ORANGE. what do the @BlueHawks think??
@andrewminyard
oh for fuck’s sake @underarock
@underarock
18
---
Trending
Emperors New Groove
Latest Tweet
@andylovespizza
Minyard’s a disney fan?? CUTE. Emperors new groove is literally the best disney film. No I do not take criticism.
---
@patricia_kicks
good work
It wasn’t me.
??
What are you talking about
you’re trending again, kid
Oh for god’s sake.
It’s good! Let people get to know
the real you
The real me. Are you sure? Ok.
Wait
andrew
ANDREW
---
@andrewminyard
no I do not like disney. I do not like anything. I do not care about your opinion of me.
---
@patricia_kicks
minyard, this is not helpful
---
@andrewminyard
no I do not like disney. I do not like anything. I do not care about your opinion of me.
@minyard03
andrew you be you, so much respect, I will fight the haters
@y0l0b33spr1s0n
can we get this guy off twitter I beg u stop tweeting no one cares
---
@itsyourbaerenee
that was fun. Same time next week?
Whatever
Bring Aladdin
:)
---
Message request: @underarock
lol
Well that was worth accepting.
I didn’t think you would
Where is the undo button
haha
Is this all you wanted? Your one
chance with a big exy star and all
you wanted to do was laugh.
Pretty much
Ok.
And I wouldn’t call you a big exy
star, you’re pretty good at getting
them to hate you
They hate anyway. Why not be
myself
Are you?
…
being yourself
I do not have time for this.
More disney to watch?
Stop talking
Block me
You sound like one of them
them?
I was joking, don’t block me
The faceless entity.
So leave
Can’t. Contract.
So be nicer
Against my nature
mine too lol
You laugh a lot
not really
hmm
What is your name, faceless
entity
None of your business
You have a lot of hostility for
someone who started this
conversation
Ok, call me Neptune
no
that’s stupid
NEIL
my name is Neil
Sounds fake
Yes
Is that ok?
Sure. Neil.
---
Replies to tweet
@pussyj_sucks4free
@andrewminyard you think you’re too good for the kronk?? then you can’t have the llamas
@comeoneyelean
@andrewminyard ngl kinda bored of u honestly
@simonstewart940
@andrewminyard kronk is a better goalie than u and he’s fictional
---
@helloim_kevinday
I don’t feel like you listened to a
single word I said.
Sorry, Andrew cannot come to the
phone right now.
Why do you have to make
everything so hard?
Did you not read the ET article? I
am damaged, Kevin. Deranged. It
is not my fault. I was abused.
Poor me.
Andrew come on
They’ll kick you from the team
Watch me care.
You do care! You wouldn’t be
here if you didn’t. You had a
choice, I didn’t make you
follow me.
Follow you?
Oh Kevin.
Fuck you.
I didn’t mean that
I meant, I gave you a chance here.
You’re the one who called me,
remember?
Andrew?
Oh whatever
Why do I even try.
---
Trending
Foxes
Exy
Hawks
Andrew Minyard
Most Popular Tweets
@DailyExyUSA
A heavy loss for the Foxes last night, losing 5-12 to the Hawks, and their position as second in the league.
@ExyTimes
Can Andrew Minyard, the Foxes’ notoriously distractable and unreliable rookie goalkeeper, separate the trauma of his past from the failures of his present?
@FoxesExyOfficial
It was a difficult loss last night, but the Hawks ran a fair game, and we look forward to the challenge of the next match, there’s no looking back, only passing forward.
Latest Tweets
@lesterloseshismind
Is andrew minyard [redacted]
@moonshinehatesmoonbeams
soo… can we trade andrew minyard or what, @foxesexyofficial @coachwymack74 ??
@minyardloveheart5000
crying rn
@givememynameback
[this tweet contains muted words, click to see]
@givememynameback
how many times do you think minyard was raped in foster care? not enough probably
---
@andrewminyard
You think I care?
---
Replies to tweets
@lucysays
@andrew minyard we know you don’t, how pathetic is that? give your salary back
@andrewlewis1999
@andrewminyard if I turn up at your house with a bomb and blow your head off, they can stick your corpse in the goal, perhaps we won’t lose any more places in the league
@michaelmakesmoney
@andrewminyard [this tweet contains muted words, click to see]
@michaelmakesmoney
@andrewminyard hear me out, this kid was apparently raped by his daddies, and still made good grades before he got himself thrown in juvie… I’m just saying, maybe he needs to be chained up and fucked LMAO who’s offering
---
@itsyourbaerenee
andrew, do you still want to hang
out later?
It is ok if you would rather not,
but I wondered if you could
use a distraction.
Distraction.
Yes. Movie? Take out?
No.
Ok
That is ok
I will check on you tomorrow
don’t
I will check on you tomorrow
no
It does not work like that. I need
to know you’re ok. I’ve seen
the tweets.
I will not come round, I will
not call. But I will message, and
you will reply, and you will tell
me if you need anything.
That has always been our deal,
and I’m not letting you out of
it now.
I’m sorry.
ok
Ok.
---
@helloim_kevinday
I’m on the phone to patricia, do
you want us to do anything?
I’ll rip their fucking heads off,
Andrew.
Andrew.
I’ve told her you aren’t coming to
practise today.
Ok?
Andrew?
Is that ok?
I’ll see you tomorrow.
---
@nickyhemmywhaaat, @aaronmf
nicky: andrew why aren’t you answering the phone
aaron: I talked to renee, she said he’s ok
nicky: he should talk to us, we’re his family
@andrewminyard has left
---
@underarock
huh
rough week?
go away
ok
---
@underarock
56 tweets
12 followers
Following 34
---
@underarock
#exy #foxes #andrewminyard #thread #twassholes
Just some thoughts (/1)
retweeted by people you follow: @nickyhemmywhaaat, @aaronmf, @helloim_kevinday, @itsyourbaerenee, @coachwymack74, @patricia_kicks
retweets: 1,294
---
@underarock
#exy #foxes #andrewminyard #thread #twassholes
Just some thoughts (/1)
It’s pathetic when parents hurt their kids, yes? But sometimes we don’t understand the dynamics of domestic abuse early enough to intervene. This, however, I get. I get that you wish you were him, that you wish (/2)
you had the money, the status, the opportunity to stand at the edge of a hundred yard court and sweat your ass off doing what andrew minyard does. You couldn’t. Have any of you even seen his college games? Andrew is the best goalie in the league. (/3)
Andrew is the best goalie in the league. (/4)
Before coming to the Foxes he had a 92% save rate. It is almost a record-breaking stat. But I notice no one wants to talk about any of that now that there’s gossip to talk about instead. Does literally everyone on twitter have insecurity problems? (/5)
You think andrew gives a fuck what you think? He’s better paid than you, has a better career, better taste in movies, a better sense of humour, and, a 92% save rate on his college games. (/6)
Seriously. You think the death and rape threats aren’t going to be recorded by his managers and sent to the police? You think you’re a big person, hiding behind your computer screen in your parents’ basement? (/7)
Anyway, it would be hilarious if you guys weren’t such cowards. Looking forward to the next game, let’s talk about how @coachwymack74 needs to put Lionel in forward defence. And get a better twitter handle. (/end) (/goodbye) (/fuckoff)
---
@underarock
Are you long sighted?
I said go away
I do not need you.
Who the fuck are you anyway
Hi! I’m ‘Neil’
Ok Neptune
I left you alone
It is twitter I still have some
unresolved issues with
I didn’t know you were a fan
Yes, because I just follow you for
the humour
I’m a fan of exy, not you
You’re an amazing player
I don’t care about any of this
sure
but I do
those people should be in jail
or at the bottom of a lake
somewhere
either/or
hmm
I wasn’t offering
don’t ask me
to murder?
I’m a bit rusty
hah
did I make you laugh
no
damn
This is a weird conversation. I’m
kind of busy.
What are you doing?
My therapist calls it an 'episode'.
Sounds fun. What does it involve
Bed. Door locked. Pretty boring
tbh.
Boring, or… the worst
I have had worse.
Ok
want to hang out?
...hang out?
Yeah
we could talk about kevin day
goodbye
I’m joking!
I can talk to kevin day if I want
how
I got your attention, didn’t I?
That was pure luck. I was bored.
Are you still bored?
As I said. Busy.
Ok, busy, I’m just gonna stay here
and talk to you.
Why?
I like you.
You are hilarious, Neptune.
You’re funny. And I’m bored.
Calm down.
When was I funny.
You keep calling me Neptune.
Because you told me that was your
name.
No I didn’t.
Anyway.
Watch disney with me
Why would I do that
how
We’ll press play at the same time.
Treat me to a private live tweeting
session.
I’ll let you pick the film.
Of course you will. I am the one
experiencing trauma.
Sure, princess.
I will block you.
Aren’t you Kevin Day’s child?
The queen?
No
Princess! It’s cute.
*hovers fingers over block
button*
I can’t believe you just typed
that. Aw.
Are you seriously flirting with me
maybe
pick a movie
:)
Aladdin
I was meant to watch it today, but
Life is all about disappointments
ok, let me find it
you are strange
this is very strange
life is strange
what else is there to do?
ok
---
@patricia_kicks
minyard, are you coming to
practise today?
I believe Kevin will drag me there,
yes.
great
---
@helloim_kevinday
I’m outside.
Give me two hours.
I’m coming in
I have locked the doors
You gave me a key
I am naked
I’m not afraid of your ass
Minyard
It is not my ass you should fear.
Stick a sock on it and get ready.
---
@itsyourbaerenee
the earth is flat
die
good enough.
---
@underarock
what am I supposed to do while
you’re at practise
this week has been so boring
what did you used to do
hey princess
watch exy
I hate you
cool
talk dirty to me
tell me about kevin day
You are literally grotesque
cool cool
what are we watching tonight
---
Trending
Foxes v Barons
Minyard
Latest tweets
@ghammond2
god I hope minyard doesn’t suck tonight
@sevenhundreddicks
who’s fucking minyard before the game? Anyone? ANYONE??
@mynancouldbeatandrewminyard
does what it says on the tin, really
---
@andrewminyard
I would tear you apart, piece by piece. You are pathetic.
@sevenhundreddicks
is that a promise, darling
@andrewminyard
I know you want me to report you. Try harder.
@sevenhundreddicks
suck my dick, I need to get it wet before I ruin you. or maybe that will just make you think I like you lolll
---
@underarock
good luck later
I will be watching, sadly, on my
24” second-hand tv that goes BRR
when you change channels.
I am the greatest goalie in the
league, apparently I should not
need luck.
Not with how you’ve been
playing
Oh? So now he knows better?
I know a few things
I know you don’t care
Fine
Except you took this contract
for a reason
You followed Kevin Day, when
you had plenty of other offers
Your playing gets worse when
the fans care too much
It does not
You encourage them to hate you
when you could be ignoring them
I do not
They aren’t worth your time
what’s the point in hating yourself
when you’re such a good
goalie
Do you care about nothing
else
Sure
Saving up enough to buy a better
tv
Getting to know the real ‘neil’
You, maybe
idk yet
I will do you a trade
Yes
You are too easy to agree to things
you do not understand.
I understand enough
What do you want?
Tell me your real name, and I will
block some goals tonight.
Some?
Nah. Bad interest rate.
How many
Let in no more than 3
Why would I do that
Not for them
Do it for me
Do it because fuck them
It could be fun?
I do not see how it could be that
But ok
Ok??
This is why you’re the best at the
game
:)
Do not talk to me like that
Like what
:)
Don’t
Now tell me your name.
Ok
When famous exy players aren’t
calling me Neil, or Neptune
it’s – a few things
But my mother called me Abram
ok
ok?
And what do you want me to call
you
Whatever you want
No
I would like to be called Neil
Ok, Neil
ok
3 goals
then shut it down
---
Trending
Andrew Minyard
Exy
Foxes
Top tweets
@DailyExyUSA
10-3 Foxes-Barons. Andrew Minyard man of the match for an unbelievable comeback after a shaky start to the season.
@ExyTimes
Is Andrew Minyard stable enough he keep this up all season? We take a closer look at tonight’s game.
@helloim_kevinday
Tonight, Andrew Minyard proved he belongs on this team. I am proud to have brought him here, to have taught him everything I know. He remains my closest friend, and proudest accomplishment.
---
@helloim_kevinday
I will shove your dick down your
own throat
That isn very nice
Come out! We’re DIRNKIGN
No
ANDREWWEWWW
---
@underarock
KEVIN!
I love him
Then slide into his DMs.
nah
He sounds like an asshole
Correct
But he is one of mine
I know
Gay
Yes
Do you have a problem?
No?
What do you think we’ve been
doing??
Well
lol
Do not
ok
I just like you
don’t get flustered
You could never bother me.
Oh yeah? Then what do you call
this?
I hate you.
This is fun.
So what are the fans saying?
---
Latest tweets
@andrewminyardismyhusband
YES!!!!! HE FINALLY DID IT. UNBELIEVABLE. 10-3 TO THE FOXES! I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM MOVE SO FAST
@beefyminny
my beefy king only needs biceps to block the goal, must be a world record in there somewhere
@lesleylikesrocks
has he been good this whole time?? what have I beeng missing here???
@senseandsexyexyty
andrew minyard is a [redacted] who bothered to show up tonight, that doesn’t mean you have to start sucking his dick
---
@underarock
it’s up and down.
I’ll take it!
This isn’t about you.
This is about defending exy,
and everything that matters.
Which is exy. And you.
Cool
He talks like me too
cool
I was mocking you
sure
choose a film, neil
:)
---
@itsyourbaerenee
Renee
hello andrew
Do not lie to me
I would never!
What’s up?
Do I encourage hate on here
Yes, it appears so
Is it because
I want it? Because I think I
deserve it?
Yes, I think so
Well
That is stupid
Yes, I agree
Good talk
Want to hang out?
I am otherwise engaged
Since WHEN
---
@andrewminyard
Exy is truly a waste of your energy. I hate it. It pays my salary, and blocking the goal is not hard. That is all. If you want to hate me, I do not blame you, but my block button is now active. If you want to talk to me about disney movies, I will consider letting you stay.
@minyardsno3fan
YES DADDY
@andrewminyard
strike one for inexcusable use of the word ‘daddy’. Two strikes and you’re out.
@truffletracey
ooh!! hello I love you. Favourite comfort watch?? Mine is moana!
@andrewminyard
you have good taste. In movies, not sports. The fox and the hound is ok.
@andrewuwuminwu
ANDREW YOU PLAYED SO WELL would it be weird to say I’m proud of you
@andrewminyard
yes it would. Strike one for zero disney content. Two strikes and you’re out.
@underarock
:)
@andrewminyard
shut up
@andrewminyard
get in we’re watching movies
---
@helloim_kevinday
good game andrew
ok kevin
---
@itsyourbaerenee
explain!
If you want to
I insist
come back later
fine
---
@patricia_kicks
are you being nice to your fans??
I would never
I am putting you forward for a
pay rise
Money means nothing to me
I want an ad campaign for doc
martens. Where I get free boots.
done
you are officially my new
favourite
Empty words mean nothing to me.
I promise. That you are my new
favourite.
And
And you can have as many
stompy boots as you like
Ok.
---
@underarock
why is your twitter handle
yes?
Why?
I am new to all this
to what
People
Everything, really
my friends say I have been living
under a rock
Well that is less original than I
had hoped
I was born under stone and fire
better
you’re welcome
Why do you talk to me?
You know why.
Why do you talk to me?
Do not ask questions you
know the answer to.
watch kids’ movies with me
I had never seen any before you
Seriously?
This whole thing has been a lie?
I thought we understood each
other. I thought you were one of
the good ones. No betrayal has
ever cut so deep.
And you thought I could never
bother you
ha
Shut up and pick a movie.