Chapter Text
“What the fuck, Gwaine? I’m not doing that!”
Of all Gwaine’s crazy ideas, this one takes the cake.
Gwaine gives a one-shouldered shrug, nursing his beer. “You’re missing out.”
“I’m not putting anything in there!” Arthur emphasizes with growing indignation.
Gwaine holds up a finger. “You don’t have to. Not necessarily. It’s not the same, but you can stimulate your prostate by pressing it from the outside. Here, I’ll explain. You just need to find that smooth spot behind your balls and-”
“I’m not talking to you about that!” Arthur insists, crossing his arms on his chest and pouting.
Gwaine lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Suit yourself.”
***
Arthur barges into Gwaine’s flat two days later without a greeting. “Can we talk?”
Gwaine gives him a quick once-over, then his lips spread into a shit-eating grin. Arthur immediately hates it. “You tried it, didn’t you?”
“Shut up,” he scowls.
“You liked it!”
“Gwaine!”
“It’s even better if you put your fingers there,” Gwaine continues matter-of-factly.
“I can’t imagine it feels anything but weird,” Arthur argues weakly.
“Just give it a shot, will ya?”
***
“I know that look,” Gwaine points out smugly when he joins Arthur on the couch later that week.
“Shut up,” Arthur spits out, begrudgingly accepting the beer Gwaine’s handing out to him.
Gwaine leans into his space and says conspiratorially, “It can get even better.”
***
Arthur lost count of how many times he’s chickened out from clicking the check-out button. One look at the items in his basket and he’s right where he started.
“Fuck this shit.”
***
He knows it’s a bad idea. A stupid idea, on top of that. Not only is Merlin his best friend, he’s also his roommate. What if Arthur makes everything so weird Merlin will want to move out?
No, that won’t happen. It’s Merlin. Funny, accepting, understanding, wonderful Merlin. If he won’t do it, no one will.
***
“I did a thing,” Arthur announces in lieu of a greeting when Merlin gets home in the afternoon.
“You did a-” Merlin starts, cutting himself off. A look of terror passes across his face and he runs to the kitchen. “For everything that’s holy, Arthur, please, tell me you didn’t try to cook an egg in the microwave again.”
Arthur throws his hands in the air. “Jesus Christ, will you ever let me live it down? It was just once!”
“Once is enough to last a life-time. You nearly blew the whole floor up.”
“Now you’re just being dramatic.”
Merlin huffs exasperatedly. “You were saying?”
“Oh. Right,” Arthur clears his throat, bracing himself. “So, I did a thing.”
“So you said.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” he admonishes, averting his eyes. “I did a thing,” he repeats. “It wasn’t my idea - Gwaine suggested it.”
Merlin’s unimpressed face speaks volumes. “I think putting an egg in the microwave is lesser evil than considering anything that comes out of Gwaine’s mouth.”
“That’s what I thought, too. But...”
“But?” Merlin prompts, joining Arthur on the couch and propping his legs on the coffee table.
“He kinda... had a point? And now I’m... um... a bit out of my depth.” He knows he’s not explaining himself well, but how do you bring something like this up?
“Would you just spit it out?” Merlin cries. “Seriously, Arthur, since when do you play coy? You tell me the weirdest shit. There’s not enough bleach in the world to erase all the unsolicited information you’ve fed me in the past years.”
Arthur does not sulk. “I thought we’re best friends, we tell each other everything.”
“Well, then.” Merlin makes a sweeping gesture. “Why are you being so evasive?”
“I’m not-” he starts to object, then realizes that’s exactly what he’s doing. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“If it’s something really funny, I might, but not in a nasty way,” Merlin teases. “I promise.”
“Okay.” Arthur takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he repeats. “There really is no other way to say it so I guess I’ll just... say it.” Another long inhale. “Itriedfingeringmyself.”
Merlin stares, then blinks, then stares some more. “What?”
“You heard me,” Arthur grunts.
“I don’t think I did,” Merlin says carefully. “What you said sounded an awful lot like: I tried fingering myself.”
God, out loud it sounds even worse than Arthur thought.
“...”
“You tried fingering yourself,” Merlin repeats slowly. Arthur wishes he could shrink himself and hide. This is so fucking embarrassing. “You-” he tries. “I-” Suddenly, his eyes budge out, like he just registered the nature of their conversation. “Why am I listening to this?!” he demands, arms flailing as he regards Arthur with disbelief, cheeks tinted pink.
Huh. At least Arthur’s not the only one who feels embarrassed.
“I thought we tell each other everything!” Arthur shoots back.
“Not everything!” Merlin disagrees resolutely, wiping a hand over his face. “Jesus, Arthur, don’t you know where to draw the line?!”
Merlin sounds genuinely upset, although why he’s reacting so strongly to sex-talk is beyond Arthur. They’ve been through worse. They’ve lived together since Uni for crying out loud. Merlin walked in on Arthur jerking himself off more times than is appropriate for two guys sharing a flat. And Arthur witnessed Merlin blowing some bloke on this very couch. They’ve both seen it all!
Granted, Arthur’s learned to lock the door to his room and the bathroom when he’s... well... indulging in simple pleasures of life. And Merlin learned to keep his sexapades limited to his bedroom. Although, if Arthur remembers correctly, Merlin hasn’t brought anyone home in... months. Maybe half a year? He’s not completely sure. Maybe Merlin’s just being really discreet.
Either way, it doesn’t make sense for Merlin to be upset about something like this. Whatever the reason, Arthur’d better apologize. Best friend or not, Merlin doesn’t need to know everything.
“Sorry,” he says, gaze downcast. “This is stupid.” He laughs self-deprecatingly. “I knew it was stupid. I just thought...”
Merlin doesn’t say anything at first, waiting for Arthur to continue. When he doesn’t, he asks, “What?”
“I thought,” Arthur starts reluctantly, now that he witnessed Merlin’s reaction, “since you’re gay, that you- That you’ll get it.”
Merlin’s face scrunches up in confusion. “That I’ll- God, Arthur,” he groans, clearly frustrated. “Yeah, I’m gay. And I’m also your best friend,” he emphasizes. “Which means I don’t need to hear about anything you get up to in your bedroom, whether it involves your ass or not.”
“Oh. Yeah.” God, what was Arthur thinking?! “Of course. That makes sense.” He takes a moment to collect himself. He doesn’t want Merlin to know how bummed he is due to the whole exchange.
“Sorry,” Merlin apologizes this time, voice already softer, sounding more like himself. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that.”
” ‘s fine,” Arthur waves a hand dismissively, avoiding Merlin’s gaze. “I don’t know what I was thinking anyway.”
Uncomfortable silence falls over them. Which is unusual in an on itself. They can talk about anything. Well, almost anything, it would seem. But there’s never been an issue with being alone together. It’s not a foreign concept for Arthur to watch The Great British Bake Off while Merlin reads a book next to him. Or for Merlin to do yoga while Arthur makes coffee. Silence has never been a problem. Until now. Now, it just feels wrong.
“Okay,” Merlin speaks first, rough and deep. “I know I’ll most definitely regret asking this, but... how was it?”
“Huh?”
“Did you... like it?” Merlin clarifies. Arthur opens his mouth to answer but nothing comes out. What is he supposed to say? He already made this weird.
Merlin understands anyway. “You did, didn’t you.” Did his voice just drop impossibly deeper?
“Y-yeah,” he confirms, although the answer is painfully obvious. “Gods, Merlin, you have no idea-” He chuckles. “Well, you probably do have an idea. But I had no idea!” he adds. “Sure, Gwaine said it felt great, but I never knew there was like... a magical button that gives you a near death experience. I swear I’ve never come so hard in my life.” He curses internally when he notices Merlin’s expression, face twisted as though he’s in pain. Oh, right. Arthur got carried away. He needs to get himself under control, dammit!
“Uh-huh,” Merlin chokes out. “G-glad you discovered some of the pleasures the gay world has to offer.” The words sound like he was chewing on sandpaper and Arthur has no idea what to make of-
Oh.
Oh.
Maybe he does. Time to take a leap of faith.
“Actually, I’d like to discover some more.”
As expected, Merlin’s eyes land on his, wide with shock. “What?”
“I'm not saying all this just to brag about my jerk-off practices,” Arthur explains with a scowl. “After Gwaine suggested I try it and... after I did try it,” he gives Merlin a pointed look, “I talked to him about it. I mean, he was the one who talked me into it in the first place, so no judgment from him, right?” He laughs again, shoulders slumping when Merlin doesn’t. “Well, he gave me some more suggestions. You know... like...” He makes a vague gesture.
Merlin’s throat bobs as he swallows before he finishes for him. “Dildos?”
“Y-yeah, that,” Arthur confirms. “And vibrators. Plugs.” He feels his face heat up with each word. “You can imagine.”
“Uh-huh,” Merlin replies non-comittally, trying to make himself look smaller. “So... have you?”
“Have I...?”
“Tried those.”
“No.” He blushes some more. “I wanted to, but... I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Because it was scary?” Merlin assumes. “Maybe you just need to get a smaller size, get used to it and it will-”
Whoa, whoa. Where is this coming from? Now they’re talking?
“No, I mean.” Arthur huffs despairingly. “I didn’t even get so far as to buy any of those.”
“Oh.”
“Gwaine sent me a website that sells all that shit,” he carries on. “I swear I opened and closed the tab like a million times, scrolling through the pages. I even put some stuff in the basket, but... I just couldn’t bring myself to go through with it. It felt weird.”
“Why? Because it would make you gay?” The words have an edge to them, sharp and cold, and Arthur hates it.
“What? No,” he defends. “Come on, Merlin, who do you take me for? I know I can be a jerk, but I’m not that much of a jerk.” The possibility that Merlin could think so little of him after all those years hurts more than he’d expect.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Merlin says, truly apologetic. “So, why didn’t you buy any?” he tries again.
“It felt... strange. Kinda wrong.” He rushes to clarify. “Not wrong because it would make me gay. But because it felt so... unnatural.”
“Unnatural?”
“Yeah. I mean, there’s a difference between having fingers buried in your ass and having a dildo shoved up there.”
“Well, the size-”
“Not the size, you dollophead,” Arthur groans, dropping his face into his hands. God, this is a disaster. How did they end up here again?
Right. It’s Arthur’s fault.
Scratch that. It’s Gwaine’s fault.
Merlin looks most affronted. “Hey! That’s my-”
“I just don’t like the fact that it would be a toy,” Arthur interrupts. “A foreign object, inside my body. A very sensitive part of my body.” He raises his eyebrows to make a point. “Honestly, I have no idea how girls do that. It must feel so weird.”
“Not just girls, you clotpole.” Merlin shakes his head, so done with Arthur.
“Right, I forgot.” Arthur gnaws at his lips. “Then I thought, maybe it would feel more natural if it was with a real person. I briefly considered asking Mithian if she’d be willing to... you know...” Another vague gesture. “She’s always been rather open-minded, but I’m not sure she’d be willing to do that. And to tell the truth, when I imagine it, I don’t really... like it. It would still be a toy in my ass.”
Arthur doesn’t know how it happens, but the air around them shifts, and suddenly it’s easier to talk about this.
“Of course, you’re right,” Merlin agrees, coming out of his shell. “It feels much different from the real thing,” he goes on. “It’s cold, even if you try to warm it up it doesn’t last. And if you’re using your hand, sooner or later you end up with a carpal tunnel. And the angle is all wrong and you get tired doing all the work yourself.” He purses his lips, tapping his chin, deep in thought. “On the other hand, I might be a bit biased. I’ve always preferred to top anyway.”
Arthur does a double-take. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Merlin admits quietly. “Not just because of how it feels physically, although that part is spectacular.” A corner of his mouth lifts up on a little grin and for some inexplicable reason, it makes Arthur’s skin burn. “It’s hot, and tight, and soft. But I love driving my lovers crazy,” he says dreamily, getting this far-away look in his eyes. “I swear, there are few things in the world better than reducing a strong man to a babbling, sobbing mess, trembling with pleasure because it feels so good when I fuck him.”
Arthur lets out a little squeal and can only hope Merlin doesn’t hear it. Merlin rarely swears and hearing that word fall out of his mouth, in that context, should be illegal. A shiver runs down Arthur’s spine and he doesn’t know what to make of it. Merlin carries on before he has a chance to dissect it.
“And I love to take my time, drawing every little noise out of them, until all they can do is repeat my name and beg me to give it to them, to let them come.”
Okay. Okay. Arthur’s officially... flustered.
“You- um,” he stammers, folding his hands in his lap when he feels his cock twitch in response to Merlin’s sensual description. “You never... talk... about that.”
Merlin snaps back to reality, shaking himself off. “Sex?”
“Yeah.” Arthur nods. "But... fucking guys, in particular.”
“Didn’t know you’d be so keen on hearing about that.” Merlin snickers. Then more solemnly, “I didn’t want to freak you out.”
“I’m not freaking out.” He’s sooo freaking out.
“I can see that,” Merlin says, oblivious. “Thanks.”
Okay. This is it. This is Arthur’s chance. And if he doesn’t take it, he’s not gonna get another one. “Actually,” he starts. “I might be... interested?”
Merlin scoffs in disbelief. “You really want to hear about me fucking guys?”
Something ugly twists in Arthur’s gut. What the hell? “No, I mean... I’d be interested in getting a... like, first hand experience.”
Merlin frowns in confusion, cocking his head to the side. “You,” he says, then a horrified expression appears on his face. Arthur feels the bottom of his stomach drop. “For fuck’s sake, Arthur!” Merlin yells, shooting up from the couch. “You can’t just go and pick up a stranger and ask him to fuck you! You know how dangerous that is?! You don’t even like guys, you’re just curious!”
What. A. Complete. Idiot.
“Not a stranger, you bumpkin,” he says incredulously. “You.”
“Me? What about me?” It takes exactly 2.5 seconds for Merlin to catch up. “Oh my fucking God,” he yells again. “Have you gone mad?!”
This is not good. “Just let me explain-”
“What’s wrong with you?!” Merlin demands with a stormy expression. “You’re my friend! My best friend!”
“Yeah.” That’s what they’ve established several times, isn’t it? “ ‘tis why I’m asking you.”
“What?”
“You said it yourself.” Arthur stands up as well, staying in one spot as to not freak Merlin out further. “I can’t just pick up a stranger for a random fuck. I don’t want a stranger.” He throws caution to the wind. “I want you.”
All the fight and indignation bleeds out of Merlin. “W-what?”
“I trust you,” he continues, seizing his chance. “There’s no one else in the world I trust more. It makes sense.”
“How does any of this make sense?!”
“Why are you freaking out so much?” Arthur questions, genuinely baffled. “I’d be the one getting my virgin ass fucked.”
A whimper falls out of Merlin’s lips and he takes a step back. “S-stop talking like that.”
“Why? You said yourself that you like to top,” Arthur reasons. Maybe logic is a way to go. “I’m literally offering myself up to you. I’d have no idea what I’d be doing, so you could do whatever you wanted with me.”
At that, Merlin positively whines.“Seriously, Arthur, just shut up.”
“I promise nothing would change,” Arthur ignores his pleas. “It would be a friend helping a friend out. That simple.”
“There’s nothing simple about this!” Merlin snaps. “We could never go back and-” He holds his hands up. “You know what? Why am I even talking about this? This is not happening. I’m not fucking you. Ever.”
Arthur finds it harder to breathe, unknowing why Merlin’s rejection hits him so hard. “Why not?”
“Because!” Merlin screams. “Because it’s you!”
Oh. So that’s why. Of course it is. What the hell was Arthur thinking?
“Oh,” he says out loud, hoping it sounds less defeated than he feels. “I get it. Of course you wouldn’t want me.”
“What?” Merlin asks in his normal voice.
“Just look at me,” Arthur laughs self-deprecatingly. “I don’t have any experience. Not in this. I would definitely mess it up. I wouldn’t even know what to do.” So, so stupid. “And I know that girls find me attractive, but that doesn’t mean you do. You probably have a totally different type. Someone like Lance.” He knows it was a long time ago. Lance had been friends with Merlin long before Arthur came along. And he knows that was just one, stupid, drunken make-out session between the two. But he also knows Merlin has always found Lance attractive. Hell, Arthur finds him attractive. The guy is hot, anyone with eyes can see that. Unfortunately, he’s also Arthur’s polar opposite. Both looks and personality-wise.
“I’m sorry,” he continues before Merlin can get a word in edge-wise, “for springing this on you. I’ll just... go... somewhere.” Anywhere that’s not here. Or Gwaine’s. The twat is gonna pay for this. It’s all his fault anyway.
He walks around the couch, making sure his phone is in his pocket and grabs his keys.
“Arthur!” Merlin bolts from where he’s been rooted to the spot, running after Arthur and taking him by the arm when he gets to him. He pulls on his arm, prompting Arthur to look at him. Arthur doesn’t dare, the shame inside him burning strong.
“You must be joking, right?” Merlin says, confusing Arthur further.
“Which part?” he asks without looking at him.
“Come on, you must,” he laughs hollowly, “you must know how gorgeous you are.”
Wait, did he just...?
“I-I... what?” He slowly turns around.
“Don’t be stupid,” Merlin stresses, still gripping Arthur’s arm. “You’re ridiculously beautiful. Everything about you is. You look like a freaking demigod, for fuck’s sake.” He sounds annoyed, and it pleases Arthur immensely. “All muscle and broad shoulders. You’re like a bloody warrior.”
“Um,” Arthur replies articulately. Out of all possible outcomes, he did not expect this.
“And there are your stupidly bright, blue eyes, and golden hair, and...” Merlin lets out a loud groan. “Shit, that mouth of yours.”
Arthur’s body moves without his conscious decision, and out of nowhere he finds himself kissing the living daylights out of Merlin.
Merlin makes a surprised sound, and Arthur feels it re-vibrate in his chest. It’s no wonder, considering how he’s pressing himself against Merlin, licking at his lips, then into his sweet-tasting mouth when it parts on the silent demand.
“Arthur,” Merlin breathes into his mouth. “What are you-”
Arthur pulls away far enough to speak. “You said you liked my mouth?” he explains like it’s the most logical thing in the world.
“I-”
“All the other things you like, you can have it,” he whispers into the space between them, stroking his thumb over the sharp edge of Merlin’s jaw. Merlin’s always clean-shaven, but Arthur already feels his stubble growing, relishing the foreign sensation. “All of it. I’m officially giving you permission to do as you see fit with me.” And to make sure Merlin is safely on board, he adds, “I trust you.”
Given how Merlin presses him desperately against the door and kisses him fiercely, teeth clacking together, he thinks he’s got it covered.
Knowing that he finally got Merlin to go through with this, he lets himself relax and enjoy the moment. Arthur’s never kissed a man before (unless you count a few awkward, silly pecks at high school when he would play Truth or dare with his friends) and it should feel strange, and wrong, and alien. It is a novel feeling, kissing someone who’s just as strong as him, as tall as him. Someone who can keep Arthur in place with the sole strength of his body and take as much as he gives. Yeah, that’s new.
And yet, kissing Merlin feels like the most natural thing in the world. Like they’ve always been doing this.
It’s not as scary as it should be.
“We’re making a huge mistake.” Merlin’s gravelly voice pulls Arthur back from his thoughts, the reality crashing down on him.
“It’s not a mistake,” he argues, stealing another kiss. And another. And one more. “It’s a favor. And I want you to enjoy yourself, too. Even if you’re doing this just because I asked for it, I want you to feel good, too.” And he means it. He wants to see Merlin lose control, to do all those things he talked about before.
“Arthur-” Merlin says warningly, like it costs him something.
“You said you like it when they beg you?” Arthur blurts out in his desperation. He can’t lose Merlin now. “This is me,” he says resolutely. “Begging you to fuck me.” Merlin whimpers again. “Come on, Merlin,” he challenges. ”Just fuck me. He leans in, brushing his lips against Merlin’s, satisfied when it draws a gasp from him. “Please.”
Merlin claims his lips in a bruising kiss, making Arthur whimper in return, and pulls away quickly. “Bedroom. Now,” he orders, and Arthur nearly trips over his feet in his haste to get there. Merlin leads them to Arthur’s bedroom, for whatever reason, and Arthur follows obediently, heart hammering against his ribcage and they haven’t even done anything yet.
Once in the bedroom, Merlin doesn’t waste any time closing the door behind them and pushing Arthur against it again. Arthur gladly lets him take all the control, sinking into Merlin’s arms, sucking the breath out of his lungs.
“Off,” Merlin mumbles into the kiss as his hands scramble over the hem of Arthur’s T-shirt, tugging it up. Arthur obediently lifts his arms, unwilling to break the kiss except for the brief moment where Merlin pulls the T-shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor as though it offends him. Arthur chuckles lightly, tilting his head back when Merlin trails his mouth and tongue behind his ear and down the column of Arthur’s neck. He picks a spot just under Arthur’s jaw and sucks at the tender skin, drawing the blood to the surface. Arthur can’t wait to see what it looks like tomorrow.
“You smell so good,” Merlin praises, barely audible. “You taste so good.” Arthur is pretty sure he can’t taste of anything but skin and fresh sweat, but Merlin’s fucked out voice sends a coil of heat straight to his cock. His knees start to buckle and he holds onto Merlin like a lifeline.
“Bed?” he offers hopefully. Instead of replying, Merlin detaches himself from his neck, locking his gaze with Arthur’s. Arthur nearly swallows his tongue as he takes in Merlin’s red, puffy lips, slightly pink cheeks and blown wide pupils. God, even his hair is a mess, standing up in all directions. Has Arthur been pulling on it? He doesn’t remember.
Merlin takes him by both arms and twirls them around, then walks Arthur backwards until they reach the bed and Arthur topples over, falling on his back. His breath leaves him in a whoosh, and between one blink and the next Merlin all but tears his clothes off of himself. His chest is flushed the same color his cheeks are, and Arthur chokes on his own saliva when Merlin rids himself of his jeans, revealing an impressive bulge to Arthur’s eyes. He’s almost fully hard, Arthur can tell. A part of him screams in apprehension.
For the most part, he feels blood rush to his cock in response to the picture Merlin makes in front of him.
Arthur crawls further on the bed, settling against the pillows comfortably and spreads his legs in invitation.
Merlin makes a guttural sound, a lot like growl, and throws himself on the bed, climbing over Arthur until they are face to face, Merlin’s long arms caging him in.
He places one hand on Merlin’s waist, the other on his neck and pulls him down for a kiss, sighing happily when Merlin obliges. Merlin keeps himself propped with one hand, freeing the other in order to trace nonsensical patterns over Arthur’s skin. He runs his fingers over Arthur’s clavicle, kissing him still, running his hand down his well-defined chest, his softer stomach, placing his palm over his stiff cock.
Arthur’s hips buck up on reflex, and Merlin swallows his surprised gasp straight from his mouth.
“Arthur,” Merlin says, out of breath. “You need to tell me,” he continues with urgency. “Need to tell me if you change your mind.”
“I’m not going to change my mind,” Arthur replies resolutely. “I want it. Want you.”
“Fuck,” Merlin curses, hiding his face in the crook of Arthur’s neck, rubbing his palm over Arthur’s cock. “Can I...?” he asks, hooking two fingers in the waistband of Arthur’s sweats. Arthur nods vigorously, lifting his hips to make it easier for him. Merlin smiles against his lips, then lets out a choking sound when instead of underwear he reveals Arthur’s hard length.
He looks at Arthur questioningly and Arthur answers with a challenging glare, daring Merlin to tease him about going commando. Merlin just shakes his head fondly and dips down to follow the path his hand took with his mouth and tongue. He kisses and licks over Arthur’s neck again, lapping at the few droplets of sweat that have pooled in the hollow of his clavicle. He scatters kisses over Arthur’s chest, stopping to spend some time laving over his pebbled nipple, sucking it in his mouth and biting gently. Arthur nearly jackknives on the bed.
“You okay?” Merlin worries, peering at Arthur from under his eyelashes.
“Yeah,” Arthur breathes. “Never knew I was sensitive there.” Merlin hums contentedly, satisfied with the response and proceeds to map Arthur’s chest with his lips.
“You know you can skip the foreplay, right?” Arthur points out. Partly because he suddenly feels guilty for talking Merlin into granting his wish (although Merlin seems to enjoy himself), and partly because, if he’s being honest, he’s getting a little impatient. Merlin wasn’t kidding when he said he likes to draw things out. “I gave you my explicit consent to get in my pants.”
“And I told you I like to take my time,” Merlin counters, and Arthur can detect mirth in his voice.
“To drive me crazy, huh?” he accuses with no bite.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Merlin laughs, confirming Arthur’s suspicions. He licks and sucks at Arthur’s hipbone, bruising his skin further, humming under his breath. “You smell like that sandalwood scented soap of yours,” he comments, looking up with his chin propped on Arthur’s lower belly, quirking his brow in question. “Did you take a shower before I got home?”
“Maybe?” Arthur hesitates, then caves when Merlin emphasizes the eyebrow lift. “I was... hoping you’d say yes.” He turns his head to the side in shame, although the action does nothing to hide his burning cheeks.
Merlin lets out a dark chuckle, his breath ghosting hotly over Arthur’s straining cock which twitches in response. Merlin doesn’t do anything for a few moments, and when Arthur peeks at him, curious, he finds him staring at Arthur’s cock. He looks hesitant, but the hungry sparkle in his eyes speaks for itself. Arthur’s pulse quickens when Merlin licks his lips, inches away from Arthur’s weeping length. He’s already leaking, more precome spurting out at witnessing Merlin’s hungry gaze.
Arthur’s desire burns strong even as his apprehension grows. This... is not a part of the deal. It’s not like they had a deal per se, but... it already feels like they are crossing a threshold Arthur didn’t even know was there.
The tension breaks when Merlin speaks next. “You have lube? Condoms?”
Swallowing heavily, Arthur replies, “In the nightstand.” He breathes a little easier the second Merlin’s in no proximity to his cock, rummaging through the contents of the top drawer instead. He stops breathing all together when Merlin returns to his previous spot, between Arthur’s spread legs, holding a half empty bottle of lube and a condom in his hands.
“Can you roll over?” he asks. Arthur happily obliges, grateful he can hide from Merlin at least a little bit. He hears Merlin shuffle behind him and he turns his head to the side so he can watch what’s going on. Just in time to see Merlin pull his briefs down his thighs before he discards them on the floor, his impressive length bobbing between his legs, the head dark red and glistening.
“Fuck,” he says without meaning to and burrows his face in the pillow. He must be crazy. How did he ever think he could take something like that?
“Arthur?” Merlin calls gently. “You okay? Something wrong?”
“N-no,” he lies, clearing his throat. “No, I’m good.”
At first, he thinks Merlin’s going to pry some more, but to his relief he doesn’t. He straddles one of Arthur’s thighs, nudging his legs apart with one knee.
“Okay?” he checks as his slick fingers dip cautiously between Arthur’s cheeks.
Arthur tells himself to stay relaxed. “Yeah.”
“It’s going to feel different when it’s someone else’s fingers,” Merlin explains patiently. “It might be uncomfortable at some point, especially since it’s your first time.” The last part comes out much hoarser. “But I promise I’ll make it good for you.”
It’s that promise, that blatant eagerness to make sure Arthur enjoys himself that has him sinking into the mattress, his muscles unclenching. “Can’t wait,” he mumbles dazedly and finds he means it.
Merlin runs one finger over his tight entrance in small circles. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
He keeps circling Arthur’s hole for a little while and then finally, finally, presses inside.
Arthur knows this part, he’s gone further himself, but Merlin was right - having someone else do this is different. Having Merlin do this is almost unbelievable. He lets Merlin work his magic on him, lets him wrap himself over Arthur’s back like a warm blanket and whisper praise and sweet, silly nothings into his ear while he works a second finger inside.
“You can pick up the pace, Merlin,” Arthur prompts after some time. “I... um, got up to three myself.”
He hears Merlin take a sharp breath in. Merlin obliges, sliding a third finger beside the first two, slowly, tenderly. He twists and crooks them, getting deeper than Arthur ever has.
“Oh, God, fuck!” Arthur screams into the pillow when Merlin brushes what is most definitely his prostate.
“Good?” Merlin asks unnecessarily, his delight evident. As though he’s the one having his prostate massaged. Before Arthur can reply, Merlin finds that sweet spot again, rubbing at it insistently.
“Ahh.” Arthur lets out a litany of embarrassing noises which, incredulously, only seem to spur Merlin on, and he zeroes on Arthur’s prostate with deadly precision. He adds a fourth finger when he’s sure that Arthur is nice and loose. Arthur pushes back on his fingers even as he starts to feel the burn for the first time.
“Okay?” God, Merlin sounds just as wrecked as Arthur feels.
“Y-yeah. Just... new.” Understatement of the century.
Merlin works him open for a couple more minutes. After that, he’s pulling his fingers out, leaving Arthur with aching emptiness. Arthur hears him tear the condom packet open, hears him slide the condom on and slick himself up with more lube.
He inches his legs further apart.
Merlin groans at the display. “Ready?” he asks.
“Uh-huh.”
He slides his cock between Arthur’s pert cheeks, rubbing the head over his hole to get him used to the new sensation. Arthur holds his breath as Merlin presses against his opening.
And nothing happens.
Arthur feels his body lock up, all of his muscles clenching at once. This is not supposed to happen.
“Arthur?” Merlin says close to his ear, pressing his lips to Arthur’s nape.
“Sorry,” Arthur replies, ashamed and upset with himself.
“Arthur.”
“Sorry,” he hiccups. “I... I’m a little tense. Need a sec.” He exhales shakily. “Just give me a sec.”
Merlin sighs, withdrawing both his lips and his cock. “This is not gonna work, Arthur.”
“No!” Arthur yells in panic, bracing himself up on his forearms. “It will work! I promise! I just need a sec, is all.”
“Arthur, calm down,” Merlin comforts, carding a hand through his hair reassuringly. “I meant it won’t work in this position, so could you please turn over?”
“Oh.” Arthur immediately relaxes. “Yeah, sure.” He turns over onto his back, taking in Merlin’s disheveled appearance - his dark eyes, his hair a disarray, lips red from being bitten on. He looks... bloody beautiful.
He lets his legs fall open, expecting Merlin to slot in between them to continue where they left off. Instead, Merlin lays down on his belly, face coming dangerously close to Arthur’s groin.
“What are you doing?” Arthur questions even as he already anticipates the answer.
“Distracting you,” Merlin says simply and with that he swallows Arthur down in one go.
“Hoooly... fuck!” Arthur screams, hands automatically coming down to tangle in Merlin’s hair, making it even more messy. “God, Merlin, your mouth. Fuck.”
Merlin hums around his cock, the vibration traveling up Arthur’s spine, giving him full-body quakes. Arthur’s had his fair share of blowjobs, but nothing compares to the way Merlin sucks him like he’s starving for it, like bringing Arthur pleasure with his mouth is his life-purpose.
All too soon, the heat of Merlin’s mouth is gone. He regards Arthur with a look that has Arthur wanting to hide, and give himself over to Merlin completely at the same time.
“Ready to try again?” Merlin asks raspily.
Arthur nods. “Yeah.” And he starts to turn over again. Merlin stops him with a hand on his chest.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Like this.”
“Oh,” Arthur peeps. “Okay.”
“Put your legs around my waist,” Merlin instructs as he crawls in between Arthur’s legs, hands either side of his torso.
Hesitant, Arthur bends his knees and lifts his legs in the air, hooking them reluctantly over Merlin’s sharp hipbones. “Yeah, just like that,” Merlin praises and bends down to kiss his forehead. “You’re doing amazing.” It’s stupid, but Arthur feels his heart flutter at the praise.
Merlin squeezes more lube on his fingers, rubbing some over Arthur’s already wet entrance and spreading the rest over his own cock.
“Relax for me, Arthur,” he says gently, lowering himself down until their chests are almost flush. He keeps himself propped up on one forearm and uses his free hand to hold his cock steady as he nudges between Arthur’s cheeks again. He holds Arthur’s gaze as he presses froward. Arthur is sure that it won’t go any better than the last attempt, but all those thoughts are washed away when the tip breaches him, so sudden and unexpected that he’s left gasping for breath.
“M-Merlin,” he stutters, mouth falling open when he feels Merlin sink in further. He can see all his emotions reflected in Merlin’s eyes.
“Are you-” Merlin starts, tiny droplets of sweat sliding down his face.
“D-don’t, don’t stop now,” Arthur begs. “Please, don’t stop.”
“Fuck,” Merlin utters and it looks like he’s doing everything in his power not to just slam in at once. It feels like an eternity before he’s fully inside, hips flush with Arthur’s bum.
“O-oh,” Arthur hiccups, marveling at the impossible stretch.
Merlin presses himself firmly against Arthur, claiming his parted lips in a messy, uncoordinated kiss.
“Arthur,” he says like a prayer, rocking his hips in short, slow thrusts. “Arthur.”
“Merlin,” Arthur returns, his arms coming up to wrap around Merlin’s shoulders, keeping him in place and barely allowing him any movement. Merlin maintains the pace, keeping his movements slow and steady and deep, looking down at Arthur like he’s seeing him for the first time.
“T-tell me,” he says.
Arthur blinks at him, too focused on the way Merlin’s moving inside him. “Huh?”
Merlin draws back and snaps his hips forward, sudden and forceful, making Arthur scream loudly when the motion send his cock straight into Arthur’s prostate. “Tell me you want it.”
“Shit,” Arthur all but sobs, tightening his legs around Merlin.
“Tell me,” Merlin demands, changing the rhythm, making his thrust longer and harder.
“I want it,” Arthur humors him. “Want you.”
“Again.” Merlin punctuates the request with a particularly hard thrust that has Arthur see stars.
“Want you to fuck me,” Arthur babbles, uncaring what he sounds like. He’s sure that at this point he would say yes to murder. “Want it so much. God, Merlin, it’s so good. You feel so good, shit.” He’s not even exaggerating.
Merlin groans loudly and rewards him with a series of well-measured thrusts. “More.”
“Love having you inside me.” The words pour out of Arthur’s mouth without effort. “Love how you fill me up.”
“Ugh, Arthur,” Merlin howls, pressing their mouths together with a bruising force, fucking Arthur so deep he swears he can feel it in his throat.
“God, yeah, right there,” Arthur exclaims. “Fuck me. Just keep fucking me. Please, please.”
“Fuck. Fuck, Arthur.” He mouths at Arthur’s jaw. “I want... fuck, I want...”
“Yeah?”
“Wanna come inside you.”
To his bewilderment, Arthur feels his gut clench with want. “Yeah,” he nods vehemently. “Fuck. Do it. Just do it. Fill me up.” It’s silly, he knows it is. Merlin’s wearing a condom and none of this blabbering makes sense. And it doesn’t matter because this, right here, with Merlin, is so much better, so much more than he would have dared hope.
“Ar-Arthur,” Merlin says in a broken voice, sneaking his hand between their bodies to stroke Arthur’s cock in sync with his thrust. Arthur keens and it’s not even half a minute later that he’s screaming Merlin’s name, spilling over his hand and his own stomach while Merlin carries on pistoning inside him until he, too, shudders and stills, repeating Arthur’s name. Arthur feels him swell inside him. and if he could he would probably get hard again.
They remain unmoving, catching their breath. Arthur takes the opportunity to run his fingers through Merlin’s damp hair, massaging his scalp, while Merlin peppers wet kisses across his shoulder and chest.
“Are you okay?” he checks with Arthur, blinking up at him dazedly.
“Uh-huh,” Arthur hums and promptly panics. What should he do now? He got what he wanted, didn’t he?
Didn’t he?
“Um, thanks,” he says lamely. “That was... good.”
Merlin stiffens in his position, the light in his eyes dimming. “Good,” he repeats, unsure. “You’re welcome, I guess?”
Arthur winces when Merlin slips out and watches him take the condom off, tie it and throw it in the bedside bin with an impressive aim.
“I... should probably go to my room,” Merlin concludes, but it sounds like a question. He’s already lifting himself up when Arthur’s brain decides to switch on.
“Or you could stay?”
Merlin hesitates, studying Arthur’s face. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“We just had sex, Merlin. It can’t get any more awkward,” he says with confidence he doesn’t feel.
“Alright,” Merlin relents eventually, lying down on the bed alongside Arthur. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Arthur suppresses the urge to kiss Merlin senseless. “I’m great. It was... great.”
Merlin lights up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” He finally seems to relax and Arthur follows suit. They still need to take a shower and eat dinner. And sort out this mess Arthur got them into.
There will be time for that later.