Chapter Text
Awake Within a Dream
One
Thor was at a loss. He did not know what to make of his brother’s actions or his attitude after the fact. Loki acted as though what he did to Midgard, the lives lost to the, thankfully, failed invasion meant nothing. The whole affair unnerved Thor to no end. Loki had even mocked Thor’s new friends and he felt some satisfaction, though more guilt, when he’d slapped the muzzle over Loki’s mouth.
Thor wanted to know why. He wanted to know what could have changed his bother so. Yet a part of him, one he hated to acknowledge, felt this was the true Loki. His brother had been jealous of him; look at what had happened only a year prior with the coronation and Jötunheim. Thor hadn’t wanted to believe it and hated to admit it but… Sif had been right all along.
After bidding farewell to the Midgardians, Thor and Loki used the Tesseract’s power to return to Asgard. The ride did not feel entirely like using Bifröst but it was much smoother than the way his father and Heimdall had used to send him to Midgard.
Once upon the broken Rainbow Bridge, Loki let go of the container. He had stiffened upon seeing their surroundings, though thankfully he made no move to leap over the side. Thor still suffered nightmares of that day. He wished he could have kept Loki from letting go.
“Come,” he said, placing a hand on Loki’s shoulder and leading him down the bridge. Loki stiffened further under his touch but didn’t try to shrug it off.
Einherjar waited for them at the end of the bridge, more shackles in hand. “The Allfather wishes to see the prisoner immediately,” the Captain of the Guard said.
Thor sighed internally. He had hoped for a few moments in which to speak to Loki before he had to face judgment. Thor eyed the shackles. “Are those necessary?”
“Orders of the king, my prince.”
Thor stepped aside to allow the Einherjar to place more shackles on Loki, his brother simply watched with an almost empty gaze. Long chains led away from the binding around Loki’s waist, the ends of which two more guards held. Thor wanted to protest, they had Loki bound as though he were some sort of animal. My brother is no animal! Thor fumed.
Before they continued on their way, Thor reached over to release the catch on the muzzle. It opened and Thor removed it. Loki worked his jaw then hummed. “This is new,” he commented.
Thor frowned, not sure what to make of the statement. “Please don’t do anything to anger father further,” he pled. Loki scoffed but said nothing more. He was led, in chains, by the Einjerjar to the palace. Thor’s heart and mind railed against the sight.
As they walked down the hallway leading to the throne room, or in Loki’s case sauntered, the Captain of the Guard stopped Thor. “The king requests you remain out here.”
Rage surged through Thor. His father was going to deny him! How dare he? After everything Thor had done to bring Loki home! Thor turned to his brother but paused. The look Loki was giving him sent a shiver down Thor’s spine. There was an emptiness in his blue eyes… Wait, blue? A chill ran up his spine. Why were Loki’s eyes…
Thor didn’t have a chance to ask. The Einherjar led Loki into the throne room, leaving Thor standing there feeling more confused than before.
* * *
The “Einherjar” led Loki through the throne room where “Odin” sat upon Hliðskjálf, glaring down at him with his single eye. Loki kept a smirk on his face, the chains leading from his wrists to his ankles clinking together as he walked. He was not going to allow Maw or the Other to break him again. This was the longest they had let a scenario play out though. Honesty, Loki was surprised they hadn’t broken the illusion by now. Loki’s purposeful loss this time around should have angered them greatly. He couldn’t help but wonder what their game was now.
In his peripheral vision, he spotted his mother. No, not his mother, only the illusion of the woman he wished beyond all measure truly was his mother. Even knowing it was an illusion, Loki’s chest tightened upon seeing her. It’s not really her, he reminded himself.
Smirk still firmly in place; he stopped before the fake Frigga when she said his name. “Hello mother,” he said continuing to play his part and turning to face her. “Have I made you proud?” Was it Maw or the Other wearing her visage?
“Please,” she begged, “don’t make this worse.”
“Define worse.”
“Enough!” Well, they had finally gotten Odin’s tone right. “I will speak to the prisoner alone.”
A look of displeasure crossed Frigga’s face before she quit the room. Loki took a few steps closer to the throne and clicked his heels together like a good little soldier. He couldn’t keep himself from laughing though. Truly his children were taking this charade too far.
“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.” They would only repeat the “mission” again. He hadn’t understood the point, it wouldn’t change anything. He couldn’t tell him of things he didn’t know. Perhaps they were afraid he’d run if given the chance. Who was he kidding? The moment they sent him to Midgard for real he was running as fast and far as he could. He’d even return to Asgard if need be. The Realm may hate him but better the enemy you knew…
“Do you truly not feel the gravity of your crimes?” fake Odin asked.
What crimes? Loki wondered. You mean refusing to lose myself completely?
“Wherever you go there is war, ruin and death,” continued Odin.
“I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent god,” Loki replied smoothly. It would have been his right. He was born to be a king. Is that what I want? I do want to be king, don’t I? “Just like you.”
He knew exactly what he and his children did to worlds so, perhaps not just like them.
“We are not gods—”
No, you’re right, you aren’t.
“—we are born, we live, we die. Just as humans do.”
Loki shrugged. How long did Maw and whatever the Other was live? Longer than they should have at any rate. “Give or take five thousand years,” he replied flippantly. He had certainly lived far longer than he should have.
“All this because Loki desires a throne,” Odin, no the Other mocked.
Rage burned through him. “It is my birthright!” Yes, he did want to be king. To be king was something he had coveted for so long, to have been denied…
I never wanted a throne. I only ever wanted to be your equal.
Damn them, Loki thought. It was so difficult to parse out which memories and desires were real and which ones had been implanted by means of the Scepter.
“Your birthright was to die!” fake Odin bellowed, breaking into his thoughts. “As a child, cast out onto a frozen rock.”
Again Loki’s chest tightened. That… He had worked so hard to keep that knowledge to himself. He shouldn’t have been surprised they found out though given how many times they had torn through his mind. How would they use that knowledge against him? It was only a matter of time before they did so. Would they force him into that form? The very thought sickened him.
“If I had not taken you in,” fake Odin continued, drawing Loki’s focus back to the present, “you would not be here now to hate me.”
“If I’m for the axe,” Loki said, stepping closer, “then for mercy’s sake just… swing it.” It would be better than this. Oh how he wished the Void had ended him. “It’s not that I don’t love our little talks,” he said to the Other, “it’s just… I don’t love them.”
“Frigga—”
How dare they say her name!
“—is the only reason you’re still alive and you will never see her again. You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeon.”
He knew he would never truly see his mother again but to have it spoken aloud… he stumbled a bit as the Einherjar pulled him back. A question formed on the tip of his tongue. He might as well rub more salt into the wound and see what their answer would be.
“And what of Thor? You’ll make that witless oaf king while I rot in chains?” Perhaps he’ll be the means of Loki’s death, the illusion of him at least.
“Thor must strive to undo the damage you have done. He will bring order to the Nine Realms and then, yes,” one of the guards grabbed Loki by the shoulders, “he will be king.”
They stared at one another in silence for a moment. Loki realized the illusion of Odin was older than Loki remembered. It was only further proof of the mind games his tormentors were so fond of playing. As he was led away he couldn’t help but wonder what the purpose of continuing this scenario was and when it was all going to end.
The fake Einherjar led him to the dungeon and to what would be his cell. Loki was a bit disconcerted by how much knowledge of Glaðsheimr they had taken from his mind. He may have been abandoned by Asgard but he couldn’t bring himself to want any serious harm to come to the Realm. The people, the common citizens did not deserve that.
Loki glanced around his brightly lit yet barren cell, rubbing his wrists where the shackles had begun to chafe the skin. He replayed his encounter with the fake Odin over again while the guards removed the chains. What had the Black Order hoped to accomplish? No matter how many times they “sent” him for the Tesseract it never changed the knowledge he didn’t have. His father had sent the Tesseract to Midgard long before either he or Thor were born and the Aether had been lost when his father was still but a babe. How did they expect Loki to know its location when Bor had hidden it away long ago?
Casting a glamour through the cell to show him simply standing there, for all the good it would do, he moved to sit with his back against the wall. Now that he was able to focus on the aches and pains, he let out a soft groan as he finally sat. He dropped the glamour around himself and he saw the blood and tears in his armor. He hissed as he removed his armor so he could see the full extent of his injuries. The beast would have been Cull Obsidian. That particular member of the Black Order must have taken great pleasure in tossing Loki around as he did. The entirety of Loki’s body ached from the rough treatment. His malnutrition certainly didn’t help matters either.
Loki’s eyes drooped and he fought not to give into his fatigue. He needed to remain alert for whatever new situation Maw and the Other were planning. He was not given the choice as his body finally succumbed to the sleep it so desperately needed.
* * *
The next several days consisted of Loki trying to work out where this scenario was leading and trying to determine the motives of his captors. Already this particular scenario had gone on beyond anything he could have anticipated. After only the first few hours of his incarceration, furniture and books had been delivered to him along with a note. It was simple, reading: Remain strong dearheart.
The writing was in Frigga’s elegant script. Not hard to duplicate considering they would have simply torn the information from his mind.
The line below that was the only reason he hadn’t torn the note to shreds. His weakness prevented it.
I love you.
Damn them. Damn Ebony Maw. Damn the Other and damn him! He hated that he still wished for someone to visit him beyond the guards who brought his meals. He hated that he still coveted the love of a family which had tossed him into the Void in the first place. He truly was pathetic.
Loki barely touched those meals, especially knowing they were not what they seemed. He had grown so used to his hunger pains that they felt as though they had always been there. Loki could no longer remember a time he hadn’t felt hunger. He ate and drank what little he needed to survive but didn’t trust at all the “food” they sent. The only good thing about the illusion was he didn’t know what filth he was actually being served. At least his seiðr remained strong enough to destroy any pathogens in his system.
Loki watched the illusion of himself sitting on the chaise lounge that had been brought to him. He trusted nothing and so remained seated along the back wall. Using his seiðr in this way only drained his energy further but he had no choice.
Loki had quickly lost track of time. How long had he been in this particular cell? It had only seemed to be a few days, given the meal schedule, but the Other’s manipulation of his mind could make it seem that way. Had it only been a few days or had years passed? Where upon Sanctuary was he really? He knew his physical body was here but that everything around him was a trick of the eye. As much as he hated to admit it, he would rather see the barren rock of his real cell and not this mockery of his home.
They threw you away, the Other’s voice whispered.
Tossed you into the abyss and into father’s loving embrace, Maw added.
“He is not my father,” Loki growled.
Whether or not they heard him was irrelevant. It was a truth he clung to vehemently. If he knew nothing else, he knew that. He would continue to fight, pathetic though the action was, for nothing more than to deny them. Loki knew he would lose in the end but he wasn’t about to make it easy for them.
* * *
Frigga paced her chambers. It had only been a few short days since Loki was brought home then locked away in the dungeon. She was furious with her husband and also angry at her eldest. Thor refused to speak of what had transpired on Midgard and had simply said “they” had been right. She didn’t know for certain who “they” were but she had a sinking suspicion she knew.
Unable to stand it any longer, she swept from her chambers and nearly ran headlong into Odin. Her husband appeared weary and for some reason that only angered her further. “I’m going to see him,” she declared.
Odin sighed, “Frigga—”
“No, he is my son, our son, and you will not deny me this. What were you thinking? Imprisoning him for the rest of his days with no questions as to why or where he has been for the past year. You never gave him the chance to explain himself.”
“What choice did I have?” Odin asked. “This pains me just as much as it does you Frigga but I cannot be seen to play favorites.”
“Really? Thor starts a war with Jötunheim and receives what is little more than a slap on the wrist and you sentence Loki to a lifetime of solitude. Favorites indeed.”
“Frigga—”
“No,” Frigga held up a hand. “I will not hear of it and you will not keep me from my son.”
“I had to punish Loki as his king, not his father.”
Frigga bristled, hating the truth of that statement. She forced her voice to remain calm. “We cannot abandon him Odin. What happened… it was our fault for keeping such important knowledge from him. All that happened was due to our mistakes. Loki should not hold all of the blame when we are responsible as well.” She took a few more calming breaths. “I refuse to believe Loki’s actions on Midgard were because he desired a throne. There is more going on here, I know it. I need to see him.”
Odin turned his gaze away. “He let go Frigga.”
“Because we failed him,” she cried. “We failed to see what should have been plain to us. He is hurting and while it does not excuse his actions it may help explain them.”
“Have you spoken with Thor?”
Frigga let out a huff of frustration. “He will not speak of what happened.”
“He has not told me anything either. I believe Thor and Loki are both hiding something.”
“Then you speak with Thor.” Frigga swept past Odin, “I am going down to speak with my son.”
The journey down into the dungeons seemed to take a lifetime even though it was only a few minutes. Frigga kept herself to the shadows at first, wanting to observe Loki. He wandered around his cell… She frowned, it was not Loki who paced the cell. It was his simulacrum. His seiðr did not extend beyond the cell and she wondered what this was for and why, or what, he was hiding.
Her frown deepened the more she watched and sensed. Loki’s seiðr felt sick and there was a darkness to it that felt unnatural. She thought many of her questions could be answered if she only knew what had happened during the year he’d been missing.
Frigga stepped up to the cell, her movements drawing his attention. Loki watched her warily, his hands clasped behind his back. “So which one are you?” he asked.
Frigga was confused by his question. “Dearheart?”
“Don’t!” Loki snapped. “You don’t get to call me that.”
Frigga’s heart broke just a little. She decided to try a different tactic. “Do you like the books I sent you?”
Loki eyed her suspiciously. “What is your game? Why do you continue this?”
She felt as though they were having two different conversations. “You know why your father impri—”
Loki’s cool façade vanished. “He’s not my father!” he snapped.
Frigga reared back from the venom in his voice. The amount of hatred in that single statement tore at her heart. How badly had they harmed their son that he would loathe them so? She fought to keep her own emotions in check and not begin to weep.
“All right,” she said as calmly as she could. Frigga opened her mouth to say more but found her words escaped her. She knew not where to even begin with her questions. “What happened to you?” she found herself asking. “Why…” she stepped closer to the force shield. “Loki, why did you let go?”
Loki looked away from her and she could see him fighting to regain his own calm. At that angle, she was able to see the color of his eyes and she let out a soft gasp. His eyes were the wrong color, the vibrant green she had always known were dulled to a grayish blue. It only strengthened her belief that something was wrong.
Confusion colored Loki’s expression. “Let go?” he asked. “I didn’t let go,” he leaned towards her, a feral grin twisting his features. “You know as well as I, Thor tossed me into the abyss. You and yours have only been telling me this from the start. Even if I had thrown myself into the Void, it would have been obvious. I wanted to die.” He scoffed, straightening, “Yet the Norns wouldn’t even grant me that reprieve.”
Frigga knew not what to make of his words. Thor hadn’t thrown Loki from Bifröst, both her husband and her son had told her Loki had let himself fall. What if they had lied to her? No, she refused to believe Thor would have ever done such a thing to his brother. Therefore the question became, why did Loki seem to believe it?
“Whatever torture you plan to inflict now, do get on with it,” Loki said. “This,” he gestured at their surroundings, “is quite boring, all things considered.”
Torture? What by the Nine was Loki talking about. “We are not about to torture you,” she said, aghast. Loki hummed and pointedly turned away from her. Frigga realized she would get nothing more from him. Her heart broke just a little bit more. “I will come back soon.”
When Loki gave no response, Frigga sighed and left the cell. She hated to leave him locked within but given what little she had learned, which admittedly wasn’t much, Loki was safer locked away here than he was roaming about the Nine.
Whatever happened to you, Frigga vowed, I will learn it and I will do everything within my power to help you heal.
* * *
Thor was spectacularly drunk. He stumbled along the palace corridors attempting to make his way back to his chambers. His slowly increasing headache was of no help to his sour mood. The night had started out pleasant but had quickly become rather unpleasant.
He and his friends had gone out to enjoy a few drinks and trade stories of past adventures. Thor pointedly kept the topic from turning to recent events but had laughed alongside his companions easily enough. What had turned his good night into a bad one was when he turned to ask Loki’s opinion of a rather wild tale only to be reminded that his brother wasn’t there. Thor had become unpleasant company after that.
Thor had left his friends and occupied a spot that the back of the pub, downing drink after drink as his mind swirled with thoughts he hated himself for. He hadn’t been able to save his brother and now Loki… Loki wasn’t Loki anymore and Thor had no idea what to make of the creature which had taken his place.
He lost all track of time as he drank and drank, to the point he had forgotten what had put him in such a foul mood in the first place. Even though he was the Crown Prince of Asgard, the proprietor bid Thor to finally leave the establishment. Begrudgingly, Thor did and he’d stumbled his way back home.
He only half paid attention as he moved through the palace. He entered the rooms he shared with his brother. The room was much brighter than it had any right to be so early in the morning. Loki must have stayed up through the night reading some new book he had gotten. Thor grumbled as he fell to lay upon the chaise. He probably should go into his own bedroom but the thought of doing so was exhausting.
Thor fell into a deep sleep and he awoke after what he knew was no where near enough hours of sleep. He groaned as his head throbbed with his hangover. Maybe he could bribe Loki into making him one of those wonderful hangover teas for him.
“Now this is an interesting turn.”
Thor only groaned and groped around for a pillow or something to throw at his brother. Unfortunately there was nothing within easy reach. He wrapped his arms over his head. “Shut up,” he moaned, “and turn the light off.”
Loki hummed, “Would that I could but I have no control over them.”
What was Loki talking about? He… Thor shot up, his head throbbed at the action, and truly took in his surroundings. He wasn’t in common room shared between himself and Loki but inside Loki’s cell.
Thor stumbled to his feet, his heart in his throat and… so were the limited contents of his stomach. Thor managed to keep from vomiting but just barely.
Loki sat leaning against the back wall of his cell watching Thor. How had Thor ended up in the dungeon? He swore he had made his way to his rooms not… Spinning around to the front of the cell, he saw the force shield was still deactivated. How long had he been here? Why hadn’t Loki—
“I’m not about to give you another reason to torture me,” Loki said. “I refuse to fall for your obvious trap.”
Torture?
“Yes, torture.”
Oh, Thor must have said that aloud. “No one is going to torture you.” Why would Loki even think such a thing? He was a Prince of Asgard, disgraced though he may be, but that hadn’t changed.
Loki scoffed, clearly unconvinced. “Tell your father, no matter how many times he sends me, I still don’t know where Odin hid the Tesseract or where Bor sent the Aether. All of our tales say it was destroyed.”
Thor must be drunker than he thought. “You are making no sense brother.”
“You’ve no right to call me that!” Loki snapped, rising to his feet. “You are no brother of mine and I will never be his child.” Calmer, Loki said, “You would be better off simply killing me. I don’t know which one you are and frankly I no longer care.”
Thor sobered up quickly at Loki’s words. Though his expression remained blank, his eyes were filled with nothing but fear. Thor stared at his brother and a part of him wanted to pull Loki to him and offer comfort while another, saner, part knew he needed to leave. This wasn’t his brother anymore. Loki continued to make that point abundantly clear.
Thor shook his head and slowly stepped backwards towards the cell’s entrance. He couldn’t risk turning his back to Loki. Surely it was what Loki was waiting for. Although if Loki was planning on making an escape then why hadn’t he tried when Thor had first stumbled in?
Keeping his eyes on his brother, Thor saw the further away from Loki he moved, the more Loki seemed to relax.
Thor knew he needed to leave, needed to reactivate the force shield but he paused his steps. Tension returned to Loki’s form when Thor stopped and something in Thor broke at the very idea that Loki was afraid of him. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, linger much longer.
“Do you feel any remorse for your crimes?” Thor asked suddenly.
Loki’s blank expression changed, one eyebrow rising to somehow taunt Thor. “What crimes would you be referring to?”
“What you did on Midgard,” Thor snapped. “Do you feel nothing for the lives you have taken? For the destruction you have wrought?”
To Thor’s surprise and horror, Loki burst out laughing. “Of course not. Why would I feel any remorse for something that never happened? You and I both know ‘Midgard’ was nothing more than another of his elaborate training sessions.” Loki’s laughter faded away. “Although I have to admit, I am curious as to why he has let this particular scenario play out as long as it has.”
Thor was beyond stunned. Perhaps he was much drunker than he realized. “You… you think this is an illusion?”
“Would you like to know where you messed up?” Loki asked instead.
Unable to help himself, Thor asked, “Where?”
“You—”
“Thor!”
Thor jumped at the sound of his father’s voice and spun to find both of his parents standing outside of the cell. “Father?”
“Come out of there now.”
Thor found himself scrambling to do as his father ordered, the shield reactivated as soon as he passed the threshold. Glancing back into the cell, he saw Loki was eyeing them all and not bothering one bit to hide his suspicion. “I was wondering when you were going to show yourself again,” Loki said, his gaze focusing on Odin. He cocked his head to the side. “Which one are you though? You are not the Other. Ebony Maw perhaps?” His eyes narrowed, “Yes that makes the most sense. Your master is giving you quite a bit of creative liberty with this scenario, isn’t he?”
His father stepped closer to the cell, Gungnir gripped tightly in one hand. Something had flashed across his father’s expression at the names, which meant nothing to Thor. His father narrowed his own eye upon Loki and the tip of the spear began to glow faintly.
Loki moved away, fear once again… No, Thor realized, that isn’t simple fear. Loki is terrified.
“Odin, stop!” Frigga cried as the light emanating from Gungnir flared to the point where they had to cover their eyes.
Thor’s blood ran cold when Loki began screaming. In between his screams, Thor thought he heard Loki cry, “Get out of my head!”
The light faded and Thor had to blink back the spots dancing before his eyes. The sound of a body hitting the ground had him focusing his attention back to Loki’s cell.
He and his mother rushed forward when they saw Loki convulsing on the floor. The force shield was lowered before they even made it up the few steps. Thor found himself frozen when he got close enough to really see Loki. Frigga brushed past him, reaching to keep Loki from banging his head against the floor as he continued to seize.
“Guard, fetch the healers now,” Odin barked as he pushed past Thor as well.
“You told me the healers said he was unharmed,” Frigga’s accusatory tone accompanied the glare she gave her husband.
“It’s what I was told,” his father replied, dropping to his knees as well in an effort to still Loki’s flailing limbs. “I was assured he suffered nothing more than a few scratches.”
“Then what do you make of this?”
This was Loki being thin as a rail and covered from head to toe in old wounds, dried blood and bruising of varying ages. Loki made a keening sound before his body finally stilled. His breaths came in short gasps and fresh blood trickled from his nose.
Without giving it much thought, Thor rushed forward and scooped Loki up into his arms. The healers were taking far too long to reach the dungeon and it would be quicker for Thor to take Loki himself. He could hear his parents rushing to follow him.
Thor was met in the corridor by Lady Eir and two of her assistants. “This way, quickly,” Lady Eir said.
“Wait,” Thor cried, feeling Loki tense in his arms. Thor had just enough time to drop to the ground before Loki began seizing again.
“Place your hands underneath his head,” Lady Eir instructed. “Do not try to restrain him, simply make sure he doesn’t bang his head against the floor.”
Thor rushed to follow her instructions. Lady Eir said something to one of her assistants, who ran to do her bidding. The other remained behind to help the lead healer in her task. After what felt like an eternity, Loki’s convulsions stopped. Thor aided in placing Loki onto the cot and rushing him to the healing halls.
Lady Eir was quick to place Loki within a soul forge. Loki’s vitals were displayed above him along with… Thor was sure he was about to be sick from the extent of the injuries Loki had been hiding. Had he had these injuries while on Midgard? Had someone here inflicted them? Rage surged through Thor, whoever had done this to his brother would pay.
“What news?” his mother asked the moment she and Odin had entered the room.
“I have not had the ability to conduct a full examination,” Lady Eir replied.
“What can you tell us?” his father asked.
“Preliminary analysis,” Lady Eir never took her eyes from her patient, “Prince Loki was tortured.”
His mother gasped and his father’s expression darkened.
“I need time to conduct a full examination,” continued Lady Eir, “I will have more information for you once I do. It would be best for you to wait outside, your majesties.”
“Of course,” Odin replied.
Thor was rooted to the spot. Leave Loki? He couldn’t—
“We will only be in her way,” his father said softly, a hand on Thor’s arm turning him away. “Loki is in the best hands.”
Once out in the hallway, Thor’s anger returned. “How did we not see this?” Their battle on Midgard should not have resulted in the injuries he had seen.
“Loki is good at hiding what he does not want seen,” his father replied. “However, I would like to know why it was reported to me that Loki was in good health with minimal injuries when it is clearly not the case.”
“Lady Eir was in the outer villages when Loki returned,” his mother said. “Had she examined him then, we would have known about this sooner. Who examined Loki when he first returned?”
“Healer Brigitta,” Odin replied. “She gave me the report herself.”
“She obviously lied,” Thor growled, “but why?”
“I do not know, but I fully intend to find out.”
That gave Thor some small comfort. “What did you do to him?”
His father sighed but one look from his mother had Odin saying, “The names he spoke, Ebony Maw, is a powerful telekinetic and a master sorcerer. The Other… no one knows exactly what the Other is. Some think him to be a member of the Chitauri but no one knows for sure. That creature is known for his telepathy. Both of them are master torturers and both of them are allies of the Mad Titan.”
All color drained out of his mother’s face and she appeared ready to faint. Thor had only known one thing to cause such a reaction in her and that had been when they had told her of Loki’s fall. “If Loki had fallen into their grasp…” she breathed.
“Then it explains quite a bit.”
“Loki has said things which made no sense at the time but if what you suggest is true, now it does.”
“I asked Loki if he felt any remorse for what he did on Midgard,” Thor said, not knowing if his parents had heard any of his and Loki’s conversation. He moved to the other side of the hallway and leaned against the wall. “He asked why should he feel remorse for something that never happened.”
“We can speculate all we want but we will not really know until he awakens,” said Odin.
“You did something with Gungnir, what was it?” his mother asked.
“When Loki spoke those names and from what Thor has said about the Scepter Loki carried on Midgard, I used Gungnir to look for a link which shouldn’t have been there. I found a damaged bond, blackened and festering, and I attempted to sever it.” Odin frowned, “Thor, I need you to return to Midgard and retrieve the Scepter. It may help to explain why Loki is in the condition he is.”
Leave? Now? His father couldn’t be asking Thor to abandon Loki? Guilt flooded Thor because he had abandoned Loki. His brother had been back in Asgard for months and Thor had not once visited him, had in fact found it easier to ignore his presence all together. He mistakenly believed it would lessen the pain he felt whenever he thought of his brother.
“All right,” Thor agreed reluctantly, silently cursing the newly repaired Bifröst, “I will return as soon as possible.” He bid his parents farewell and rushed to carry out his father’s request as soon as quickly as he could.
* * *
Days turned into weeks which in turn melted into months. Loki came to the conclusion early on that his torture this time around was being surrounded by the very things he would never again have. Well, to a point. True torture would have been to make him believe he’d been granted freedom just to rip it all away. Best not to give them any ideas.
His one constant visitor was always the illusion of Frigga. Another constant were her pleas for him to speak with her and her profession of her continued love for him. The real Frigga may have said the same things but Loki doubted she could ever care for him any longer. If any of them had truly loved him, they wouldn’t have left him on Sanctuary. He wondered why they had continued to use Frigga’s visage and not torment him with illusions of Thor and Odin. Those two had been instrumental in sending Loki to his current fate.
Loki’s attention was drawn to a figure moving outside of his cell. Fake-Thor staggered over to the cell’s controls and deactivated the force shield. Loki watched as the illusion of Thor stumbled into the cell and fell to lay face down upon the chaise. Loki forced himself to remain sitting where he was and not take a defensive stance. The force shield remained off, leaving Loki with a clear means of escape. He was not, however, about to fall for such an obvious trap.
Fake-Thor began snoring and Loki listened to it for a minute or two before commenting, “Now this is an interesting turn.”
Fake-Thor grumbled and his hand groped for something. “Shut up,” he moaned, “and turn the light off.”
“Would that I could,” Loki replied, “but I have no control over them.” He waited and watched as Fake-Thor shot up and took in his surroundings. The creature wearing Thor’s visage gave off the impression of being very drunk though Loki doubted the creature really was. He would not have allowed any of his minions to work such manipulations while intoxicated.
He and the Fake-Thor began a back and forth and Loki couldn’t help but laugh when the creature asked if he felt any remorse for what had happened on Midgard. Loki replied honestly, why feel remorse for lives not actually taken? The only thing Loki had remorse for was his inability to break free of his captors. I truly am weak, even for a monster, he thought.
The arrival of Fake-Odin and Frigga was another turn Loki wasn’t quite expecting. He felt a tug on his mind when the false Gungnir started to glow. Loki once again fought against the power of the Scepter, screaming, “Get out of my head!” There was something different about the Scepter’s power this time but Loki didn’t allow himself to bother analyzing what it was. All he knew was he needed to keep them from tearing his mind apart any further.
Loki’s scream cut off and he felt himself falling backwards. He inwardly cursed when he felt his body begin flailing out of his control. Something had begun to crack within his mind, the echoing psychic pain intensifying to the point that he welcomed the darkness which swallowed him whole.
Loki was unsure of how long the darkness had claimed him but when consciousness returned, he felt himself lying on something rather soft. It was quite pleasurable compared to the hard floor of his cell. He supposed he could have tried to make use of the furniture which had been placed within his cell but he’d had no intention of finding out what any of it really was. He’d spent more than enough time within one of Maw’s contraptions, thank you very much, he wasn’t about to willingly enter into another.
When Loki opened his eyes he saw his surroundings had been changed to appear as Asgard’s healing halls. He could hear someone moving around quietly and he wondered what his tormentors had in store for him next. He pulled himself up into a sitting position.
“You need to lie back down.”
Loki looked over and spotted the illusion of Lady Eir. How many more familiar faces were they going to pull from his mind? He was growing quite tired of it all. Loki pushed back the blanket and realized the glamour he had cast over himself to hide his wounds had fallen.
“Be at ease my prince, you are safe here. How are you feeling?” False Eir asked from beside his bed.
Loki took a mental stock of his injuries and realized he felt absolutely no pain. The constant agony he’d suffered had lessened when they’d placed him within the cell but it had never gone away completely. Pain had been with him for so long that it was jarring to know it was gone. Even the psychic pain he had felt earlier had vanished. “What have you done?” If he felt no pain, and surely Maw and the Other would know it, they would inflict agony beyond what he had been feeling previously. His heart raced with the thoughts of the torments to come.
False Eir furrowed her brow at him. “I have tended to injuries which should have healed ages ago. You are still extremely underweight but that will remedy with time and the right diet. Your infections are clearing and I have healed what minor injuries I could. The rest will heal in short order. Your parents will be pleased to know you have awoken. They are most like still pacing the halls outside.”
Instantly, Loki said, “They are not my parents.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
“Why do you persist in this farce?” he asked instead.
False Eir pressed her lips together. “Farce?”
“Enough with your games!”
With a voice full of patience, which only grated on Loki’s nerves, fake Eir asked, “Where do you think you are?”
“Just show me my cell.”
“You wish to return to your cell?”
Loki scoffed, “You speak as though I ever left.”
Shock briefly registered across her expression but it was gone in an instant. “If you have not left your cell,” she gestured to their surroundings, “then what is this?”
“You know damn well what it is,” Loki growled. “I see no point in this. I know I am still on Sanctuary, there is no point in keeping this sham going.”
Fake Eir gestured to something behind Loki and he tensed, twisting around just in time to see someone else leaving the room. You fool, he thought, of course this creature wouldn’t be alone.
Not a moment later, creatures wearing the visages of Odin and Frigga entered the room. Fraudulent though they may be, the expression of concern on the fake Frigga’s face was convincing enough to make Loki’s heart twist. He hated himself for missing her as much as he did.
“Oh my darling,” the illusion said, taking hold of his hand. With her other hand she cupped his cheek. “How are you feeling?”
Loki was growing tired of that particular question. “Why do you care?”
“You are my son.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You may not be our son by blood,” fake Odin said, “but in all of the ways that matter, you are ours.”
“Your prisoner, your tool,” Loki sneered.
“Not at all.”
“Your majesty,” false Eir said, “a word if you will.”
The three of them crossed to the other side of the room and spoke in low tones. Loki found himself breathing a sigh of relief. He hated being under the Other’s scrutinizing gaze. It had to be the Other in the guise of Odin, as he was the one to use the Scepter on Loki the most. The Other must have disguised the Scepter as Gungnir though he realized the creature hadn’t had it with him this time.
His relief was short lived when they all returned. Loki wished he had something he could use as a weapon but he had spent most of his energy and seiðr in hiding his injuries. Foolish, he thought to himself.
Upon her return to his bedside, false Frigga took his hand again. “You truly believe this to be nothing more than an illusion?” she asked.
“You already know the answer to that,” scoffed Loki.
“Loki,” her tone was so similar to the real Frigga that had Loki not known better, he would have thought it to truly be her. “You are home,” she insisted.
Loki blew out a harsh breath through his nose and pulled his hand back to cross his arms over his chest. “I have no home. As I asked the poor facsimile of Thor, do you wish to know where you screwed up?” He didn’t wait for them to answer. “It was trying to convince me any of them loved me. Thor threw me into the abyss and if my so-called family cared, they would have come for me by now, wouldn’t they? No, they decided to be done with me and we both know it.”
Tears shown in fake Frigga’s eyes though they did not fall. “That is not true at all,” she said. “Loki, my darling, if we had known where you were, we would have come for you.”
“Heimdall searched for you after you fell,” fake Odin added. “Even with his sight he could not see you. We all thought you were dead.” The fake’s expression had the audacity to pretend that pained him. “Loki, Thor did not throw you into the Void, you…” he swallowed hard, “you let go son.”
“You’re lying,” Loki growled.
“We aren’t,” false Frigga insisted. “You believe this to be an illusion. If this were so, then how we feel in the ether would be different. No illusion would be able to perfectly mimic the signature of our seiðr, there would be some imperfection. Feel me dearheart and know the truth.”
Loki turned his gaze away and placed it somewhere upon the far wall. He refused to fall for such a trick. He was not about to willingly let these creatures into his mind.
He sucked in a breath at the tentative brush against his seiðr. The sensation was achingly familiar and one he had longed for. With some hesitation, Loki reached back with his own. His heart shuddered in his chest the more he probed. He slowly reached out to feel Odin’s presence only to quickly pull his senses back. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t! He refused to believe it, even if what he had felt pointed to a truth he wanted to deny. Because if it was true and he was on Asgard then that meant… that meant…
“No,” Loki gasped, his sight blurring with tears. “No, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t,” he buried his face in his hands. “It wasn’t supposed to be real. I… I…” He looked to his parents. “I attacked Midgard?” The glance they shared answered for them. “No, you’re lying.” He gripped his hair tightly and pulled. “You’re lying!”
“There was a mental bond which should not have been there,” said Odin. “It was already damaged and festering. I tried using Gungnir’s power to sever it fully.” His expression darkened and Loki detected a hint of remorse in his expression. “Unfortunately I was unable to do so.”
Loki focused his energy inward, reaching for the mental relationships he had formed throughout his life. The ones with his parents and Thor were weakened but intact. He should have sensed the truth of their presence earlier. He had been so sure they had been a part of the continued illusions that he hadn’t bothered to check their legitimacy.
The connection his father had spoken of was the poisoned one forced upon him by the Scepter. Odin said the bond had been damaged but what could have caused such a thing? Loki mentally probed at the damaged end, falling back against the bed at the white hot agony that raced through both his mind and body the action had caused. He didn’t know if he cried out verbally or not. What he did know was the pain was excruciating and oblivion was most welcome.
* * *
Frigga sat at her son’s bedside attempting to make something of her needlework. She gave up after removing and re-stitching the same link for the fifth time. Setting her knitting aside, she let her eyes fall upon Loki. He appeared to be sleeping peacefully and she hoped he was but she knew it would not last. Ever since he had learned the truth, that his surroundings were not a trick of his mind and he had caused a great amount of death and destruction on Midgard, Loki had suffered from a series of terrible nightmares. Some of the things he cried out at, she knew had nothing to do with what had transpired on Midgard and everything to do with the year he had been missing.
Loki let out a low moan and twitched in his sleep. Frigga stood to lean slightly over the bed. An adverse side effect of Odin attempting to rip away the damaged mental bond was the seizures her son now suffered. Lady Eir felt a part of the reason for the seizures was due to the poor state Loki was in, both physically and mentally. She knew someone or something continued to torment her son and she despised her inability to do anything to help him.
When Loki settled, Frigga returned to her seat. She gave her needlework a brief glance before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort to continue working on it. She was far too distracted to give it her full concentration. “Any word of Thor?” she asked her husband when he entered the room.
“None yet,” Odin replied softly so as not to wake Loki. He held a steaming mug in his hands. “Heimdall says those who have taken custody of the Scepter are reluctant to part with it. I wish Thor had thought to bring it back with him originally.” Odin handed her the mug and pulled another chair beside hers. “I fear there is a great deal more going on than we know.”
“I sense it too,” she replied, taking the tea from him gratefully. She took a few careful sips, lest she burn her tongue. “The Tesseract contains the Space Stone. You initially hid it on Midgard to keep it from Thanos.”
Odin nodded, “And I have a terrible feeling the Scepter Loki carried holds another of the Stones. Thanos was banished from the Nine millennia ago but I doubt he has let go of his quest to slaughter half of the universe.” He fell silent for a moment, their breaths the only sounds within the room. Her husband shifted slightly in his chair. “There’s more.”
“More?”
“I have been thinking, about why Thanos would have warped Loki’s mind so. Beyond the sheer pleasure it gives to him and his so-called ‘Children’, to twist my own child into an agent of Yggdrasil’s destruction would have been, to him, a payback of sorts.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was young then, but I was among those who exiled him from the Nine. There is also Loki’s ability to world walk.”
Frigga did not like what her husband was implying. “He used Loki to send an agent back within the Nine.”
“That is my thought, yes.”
They fell silent as the full implication of what Loki’s return meant. As much as she hated to even think it, she felt it would have been better for her son if he had perished in the Void. Frigga would not wish death upon her child but given what she understood to have happened to Loki… “I wish I knew how to take his pain away.”
“As do I.” Her husband shifted in his seat, “I spoke with Healer Brigitta about her analysis of Loki’s injuries.”
“You spoke to her without me?”
“I did not think you would want to leave Loki’s bedside.”
Frigga hummed, he was right about that. “What did she have to say for herself?”
“She maintained Loki’s injuries were minor. I told her I knew her report to be false and demanded to know why she lied to me.”
“What was her reasoning?”
“Her brother was one of the guards killed when the Jötnar attacked. By not telling me of Loki’s injuries, it was her own form of retribution, I suppose. I’ve spoken with Lady Eir and Healer Brigitta has been removed from her post. I will need to think of what to do with her as her actions cannot stand but… Loki needs to come first.”
They lapsed into silence once again, taking turns soothing Loki whenever he stirred. Lady Eir came to check on him many times during their watch. Late into the night, Loki suffered another seizure, this one lasting much longer than all of the others. Once it had stopped, Lady Eir managed to coax Loki into taking a tonic meant to help alleviate the condition.
“His seizures are becoming worse,” Lady Eir told them after re-examining Loki within the soul forge the following morning. “He has recovered enough for his seiðr to begin helping his body to heal. The prince has gained some weight over the past several days however; I can find nothing physically to explain the prolonged seizures. There is some evidence of prior head trauma but nothing to indicate that is the cause. I feel they have been brought on by a more psychic ailment.”
“It’s my punishment,” Loki said, drawing their attention to him.
Frigga placed a hand on his shoulder when he attempted to sit up. “Lay back down.”
“I’ve been lying down long enough,” Loki’s irritation was obvious.
“You need your rest,” she insisted.
“No amount of rest will help me. I can’t be helped.”
“Of course you can,” Frigga refused to believe otherwise.
“You do not understand. The corrupted mental bond… it connects me to them. In near every situation where they ‘sent’ me to Midgard, the Other would contact me and remind me of the consequences of failure.” Loki looked away before giving a minute shake of his head. “He said that there would be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he could not find me.”
“You are safest here, in Asgard,” Odin said.
“I’m not safe anywhere. The only place I could have any semblance of safety from him would be in Hel.”
“Do not!” Odin barked, “Don’t you dare go there boy.”
Frigga agreed whole heartedly with her husband. Loki had tried to take his life once and his words made her fear he would try again. “We have only just gotten you back. Do not…” She brushed her fingers through his hair. “Dearheart, we could not live with losing you again. We will protect you.”
The corner of Loki’s mouth quirked upwards, “Such care for a monster.”
“You are many things,” said Odin firmly, “but a monster is not one of them.”
Loki appeared far from convinced but made no further comment on the matter.
“While you may not believe further rest will do you good,” Lady Eir said to Loki, reminding them all of her presence, “I insist you try. I will provide you with a sleeping draught to help you relax.” Loki opened his mouth, most likely to protest but Lady Eir cut him off. “Healers orders.” Frigga had to suppress a smile when Loki rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath. Neither of her boys had particularly enjoyed stays in the healing halls as children. That had not changed in adulthood either.
From the look Lady Eir sent both her and Odin, it was clear the suggestion of rest was not solely for Loki. “Will you be all right for a bit?” she asked her son.
“Even if I were to say no, there is nothing you can do for me anyway,” Loki said. “I do not say that to hurt you,” he added quickly, “it is simply the truth.”
One she continued to hate. “Your father and I will be back later.” She pressed a kiss to his head, “I love you dearheart,” she said softly.
Odin gave Loki’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before they left the healing halls. Frigga wanted to stay by Loki’s side but she understood there really was nothing she could do for him, besides offer him company and comfort.
She hoped Thor would return from Midgard soon and that the mystery of the Scepter would hold the answers to helping Loki heal.
* * *
Thor and his companions made their way from the Observatory to the palace and into the healing halls. Thor was anxious, afraid Loki’s condition had somehow worsened in his absence. It had taken several days to convince SHIELD and the World Security Council to allow him to bring the Scepter back to Asgard. His new mortal companions had accompanied him once he had explained the situation to them, to the best of his ability. There was still much Thor didn’t know.
Stark whistled, “Shwanky digs, Point Break.”
Thor was unsure if Stark meant that as a compliment or insult. He decided it didn’t matter but thanked him anyway.
“Where is Loki being held?” Rogers asked.
“Within the healing halls,” Thor replied.
“Not a jail cell?” Barton asked, anger barely detectable in his voice.
Thor did detect it though and he understood the man’s irritation. Of all his new Midgardian friends, Barton was the one Loki had harmed the most by taking control of his mind and forcing him to do things against his will. Thor was unsure if it would make any difference should it be proven that Loki’s own actions had been controlled by another. On Barton’s part, probably not.
“Is it possible he’s just conning everyone?” Banner asked.
“I guess we’ll find out when we get there,” Romanoff replied.
“I wouldn’t put it past the guy,” Barton said. “I still don’t like it.”
“Let’s just wait and see how things go,” Rogers offered.
“Works for me,” Stark said, his eyes taking in everything around them. “Is all of this actual gold or is it gold plated?”
Thor frowned, “The gold is real.”
Stark whistled again. “Damn. Must have taken forever to get.”
Thor’s frown deepened. He’d never put much thought into the gold used throughout Glaðsheimr. Instead of commenting, he led them the rest of the way to the healing halls.
They were met along the way by Odin, who Thor suspected had been informed of their arrival by Heimdall. “You have it,” a statement, not a question.
Romanoff held up the silver case holding the Scepter. “What is it you planned to do?”
One of his father’s eyebrows twitched. “I wish to examine it.”
“Yeah, but why?” Barton asked. “We all know Loki is batshit crazy. I’m with Banner on this one. How do you know he isn’t just pulling one over on you all so he can escape?”
Odin’s expression darkened considerably. “Have care in how you speak,” he warned. “Loki is a Prince of Asgard and, regardless of his transgressions, he deserves the respect his title grants him.”
Barton scoffed, crossing his arms. He was clearly unhappy with the situation. Thor thought it best to change the subject. “How is Loki?” he asked his father. Wonderful topic change, idiot.
“I was on my way to check on him when Heimdall informed me of your arrival.”
Odin gestured for them to follow him. Thor could almost feel his companion’s wariness. Banner had his arms crossed tightly around himself as though he expected something to trigger his change into Hulk. Romanoff’s gaze remained focused ahead but Thor suspected she was taking in everything around them. Barton’s posture was rigid, his anger plain for everyone to see. Rogers was the clear leader of the Midgardians and attempted to speak to Odin about the situation while Stark… Thor wasn’t even going to attempt trying to figure Stark out. Stark was an enigma unto himself.
“I hope you understand where we are coming from,” Rogers was saying. “Loki caused a great amount of devastation on Earth and if this is one of his tricks—”
“It is not,” Odin said with such conviction Thor could not help but believe him. “We only recently learned there were other powers at play.”
“Thor mentioned something about someone else pulling Loki’s strings,” said Stark.
Barton snorted, “Convenient excuse if you ask me.”
“That’s just it Legolas, no one did,” retorted Stark. “Yeah, Loki brainwashed you and a bunch of other people. Hell, he tried to do the same thing to me but it didn’t work for some reason. If, and I say if, he wasn’t in total control then maybe we should figure out who was pulling his strings.”
“How do we know he hasn’t somehow brainwashed everyone here, even without the Scepter?”
“Such a thing is not within his power,” Odin replied evenly.
“But how do we know?”
“Look,” Stark said, “we don’t but that’s why we’re here.” Stark frowned, his flippant attitude from earlier disappearing. “None of you saw what I did on the other side of that portal. I’m willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.”
Which now begged the question, what had Stark seen? Thor, and it seems no one else either, had seen fit to ask.
“You still have yet to describe what it was you saw when you went through,” Rogers said.
An emotion Thor couldn’t quite place flitted across Stark’s face for a brief moment. “I’m still trying to understand it myself.”
When they finally came to Loki’s room, Odin stopped them. “Leave the Scepter out here.” He motioned for one of the Einherjar who stepped forward to take possession of the case.
“No disrespect, your majesty, but the Scepter is to remain in our possession while we’re here,” Rogers said.
“I’ll not have that near Loki. Not until we understand exactly what it is.”
“Guess we’re leaving then,” Barton said.
“Wait,” Thor cried. “I know Loki has caused you great harm but… if the Scepter can help to explain why he has changed—”
“Thor,” interrupted Barton, “you have no idea what Loki put me through and we know exactly why he did what he did. He wants to dominate the Earth. Pretty straight forward if you ask me and what about Selvig? Because of Loki, he’s now in a psychiatric institution. Your brother made him crazy. The doctors don’t know if he’ll ever recover.”
Thor was saddened by what had happened to Selvig. “Am I just to abandon my brother?”
Didn’t you do that already?
“It might be more than that,” Banner said, somewhat timidly.
“Not you too,” groaned Barton.
Banner shot the other man an unimpressed look. “You weren’t there when we had the Scepter on the helicarrier, we were only in the same room as it and Loki was in an entirely different area but the Scepter somehow had us nearly at each other’s throats.”
“Loki—”
“You can’t always blame Loki, Clint,” Romanoff said softly.
“If you are all well and truly done,” Odin said, his patience having run out, “then the Einherjar will take the Scepter until we are done.”
“I’ll stay out here with it,” Rogers offered. “I’m sorry, but one of us needs to stay with it.”
“What about just inside the door,” suggested Stark. “We’ll be able to keep an eye on it and it’ll also not be near Loki, unless the room is small which,” he gestured at their surroundings, “I doubt.”
“Father?” Thor asked.
Odin blew out a sharp breath. “Very well, but it goes no further than the door.”
At last at an agreement, they finally stepped into the room. Loki was sitting up and he did look better than when Thor had seen him last, but not by much. Thor heard the others enter behind him and the sound of the case containing the Scepter being placed on the floor. They had barely entered the room before Loki’s eyes went wide, his body rigid and he sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes flashed a sickly blue before rolling up into his head followed by the worst seizure Thor had seen him suffer.
“Loki!” Thor cried.
“Well he sure as hell isn’t faking that,” Stark said.
To Thor’s surprise, Banner rushed over in an attempt to help. “Has he always suffered from seizures?”
A brief flash of annoyance crossed Lady Eir’s face. She called out instructions to her assistants, pulling the pillow from under his brother’s head so Loki lay flat. Thor thought the worse was over when Loki’s limbs stopped flailing but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Loki’s jaw was clenched so tightly Thor feared he’d somehow injure himself.
“He’s going to crack his teeth if he keeps this up any longer,” Banner said. “What do you have in the way of anti-seizure drugs?”
Lady Eir called for a draught which was quickly brought over to her. With Banner’s help, they managed to open Loki’s mouth enough to administer it, along with a strip of leather to keep him from grinding his teeth together. Loki’s chest heaved as he tried to draw breath and he let out painful sounding moans. Thor heard fabric tearing and saw Loki had gripped the bedsheets so tightly his fingers had gone through them.
“This is not a normal seizure,” Lady Eir said.
“What is the cause then?” his mother asked frantically.
Loki’s moans became screams. Thor and everyone else watched in horror as what appeared to be claw marks ran down along the side of Loki’s face. The skin opened up and blood began to flow down along his face and neck. Along with several more severe cuts opening was the sound of bones breaking. The fingers of Loki’s right hand were now bent in directions they were never meant to.
“Increase the protective warding throughout the hall,” Lady Eir barked. She turned back to Frigga. “This is not due to any kind of head trauma. The prince is being attacked psychically.”
Barton pressed the heel of one hand against an eye, taking a few stumbling steps backwards. He let out his own groan and dropped to his knees. “I feel like someone is trying to put an icepick through my eye.”
As one, Thor and Odin spun around, their eyes landing on the silver case containing the Scepter. Thor detected a faint blue glow emanating from between the seam of the case. “The Scepter,” Rogers said at the same time Thor rushed forward.
He snatched the case from the floor before anyone else could. He ripped the lid open and pulled out the Scepter. The blue gem seemed to glow even brighter once brought out into the light. Barton pressed both hands to his head and Loki’s screams intensified. Thor snatched Mjölnir from his belt and, ignoring several cries of, “Wait!” brought her down upon the stone. Thor and those closest to him were thrown back by the blast of energy the action released.
The first thing Thor noticed once he came back to his senses was the ringing in his ears. He blinked rapidly to clear the spots dancing across his vision. More sounds beyond the ringing began to register to him, the sounds of people moving and harsh breathing coming from behind him. As Thor’s vision cleared he spotted the now destroyed Scepter, metal bent and gem in pieces. He spotted something within the remnants of the gem and pushed a few of the shards aside to reveal a softly glowing yellow stone.
“Don’t touch that,” Odin barked. He rushed to retrieve a small glass container which he used to carefully place the stone into.
“What is it?” asked Romanoff.
“Not a way to clear up tinnitus,” Stark remarked, opening and closing his jaw. With a more serious tone, he asked, “It was a stone within a stone?”
His mother saying Loki’s name drew Thor’s attention back to his brother. Loki no longer appeared to be suffering his convulsions and in fact his breathing was slowing to a normal rhythm. Lady Eir was already examining Loki’s condition and tending to his wounds. While she set Loki’s broken fingers another healer was cleaning away the blood on his face and binding the skin back together.
“Just out of curiosity but did anyone else see that, uh, thing?” asked Banner.
“You mean the thing doing a terrible impression of Emperor Palpatine?” asked Stark. “Then yeah, I did.”
“I saw it too,” said Rogers.
“Same,” Romanoff replied.
“Anyone care to take a guess as to what it was?” Stark queried.
“It was…” Loki’s voice was soft and tired sounding, “the Other.”
Banner spoke up next, “The other what?”
“That is the creature’s name,” Odin replied, “the Other. Whatever its true name was has been lost to time.” He inspected the stone he now held in the jar.
“It’s quiet,” said Loki.
Thor finally had the presence of mind to stand from where he had been thrown back onto the floor.
“He’s right,” Barton said before Thor could speak. “It is quiet.”
“Clint?” Romanoff inquired.
“I didn’t say anything before,” Barton sighed, “since the blow to the head broke me free from Loki’s control but… I could always hear the damn spear whispering.”
“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Rogers asked.
“Because it didn’t have any control over me. I could hear it but that was it.”
“Then why did it seem to affect you now?”
“His proximity,” Frigga replied. She had been forced to take a step back while Loki was being tended to. “Though why only him?”
Odin nodded, “You were forced under the influence of the Scepter, it is why you hold such animosity towards my son,” he said to Barton. “You were close enough to it while the Other inflicted a psychic attack upon Loki.”
“I’m not psychic,” Barton said.
“You wouldn’t have to be. You were already influenced by it once and, while you were no longer under its control, there was still a small mental tether. It was just enough of a link for you to feel the echoes of the pain he was inflicting upon Loki.”
“It seems to be gone now.”
“Loki?” Thor asked, inching his way towards the bed.
“He’s asleep,” Banner replied.
“Is that normal?”
It was Lady Eir who replied. “It is. The convulsions and mental attack upon him have sapped his energy. He will sleep for a time.”
Frigga was at last allowed back by Loki’s bedside. She began running her fingers gently through his hair. Though she did not turn her gaze it was her husband she addressed when she asked, “Do you think the creature will be able to attack Loki again?”
“I do not know,” Odin replied. “We will have to wait until he awakens.”
“Was he always this thin?” Banner asked.
Something twisted in Thor’s chest when he realized his Midgardian allies were staring at Loki. He knew Loki would hate to be scrutinized in such a way. Various expressions flitted across each of their faces and he thought Stark looked almost as though he was going to be sick. The inventor’s gaze swiveled back and forth between Loki and the remnants of the Scepter on the floor.
“I get the feeling he’s going to be out for a while,” Stark said. He gestured with his chin to the mess on the floor. “Anyone want to help me find some answers about that thing?”
Odin and Frigga both nodded, “Gladly.”
* * *
When Loki awoke several hours later, he kept his eyes closed so no one would notice he was no longer asleep. He mentally ran across his body, feeling for aches and pains. The skin around his cheek was a little tight and there was a dull ache in the fingers of his right hand but nothing more than that. He turned his mental eye inward, inspecting his shielding and psychic bonds. He was tentative in his examination as he didn’t want to send anyone running to his bedside.
Loki stopped his inspection when he came upon a bond that had been cut and cauterized. He somehow knew this was the link the Other and Ebony Maw had used to twist his mind. While it had been severed he couldn’t abide even an echo of the forced bond. Grabbing at it with ethereal hands, he ripped it out from his end. He wasn’t able to keep his slight grunt at the action at bay.
“I know you are no longer asleep. How are you feeling my prince?”
Loki saw no reason to pretend to be asleep any longer and opened his eyes. Lady Eir stood at his bedside doing something just out of his view. He turned his head and saw her mixing healing draughts. Loki thought about her question for a moment. “What happened?” he asked instead.
“You suffered a seizure and a psychic attack. The artifact which caused your condition was destroyed and now your father and several Midgardians are examining its remains.”
Loki thought he recalled seeing the Avengers but hadn’t believed it to be real. A part of him had still been suspicious that what he was seeing was nothing more than an illusion and that he was still on Sanctuary. Now though, with the bond linking him to them through the Scepter cut and ripped from his mind he was certain he was finally free of them. On the heels of that thought was the reminder of what he had done on Midgard. He may be free of them but he was not free of what he had done. What was worse, he wasn’t sure he believed he deserved anything less than the sentence his father had already decreed for him.
“How do you feel?” Lady Eir repeated.
“Better,” Loki said and realized it was truth.
“That is wonderful to hear,” the lead healer replied. “The wounds to your face and broken fingers will be healed by morning.”
“Thank you for all you have done for me,” Loki said.
She gently squeezed his shoulder. “You are welcome.” Her expression became expectant. “Now, will you be a good patient and allow me a full examination?”
Loki pressed his lips together to suppress the smile that tugged at his lips. “If I must,” he said.
The hand on his shoulder gave a soft pat. “Good,” Lady Eir replied with a tiny smile of her own gracing her lips.
Loki was a model patient and after the examination he managed to sweet talk her into letting him sit in the window seat. One of the few perks to having a private room within the healing halls was his ability to move about the suite somewhat although he was not allowed outside of the room. Which was fair, he supposed, he was a monster after all.
He lost track of time as he stared out across Asgard. The sun shone in after a while and he enjoyed its rays upon his face. Loki had never thought to ever see the sun again. He soaked in its warmth, not sure when or if he would ever see it again.
Lady Eir checked on him throughout the day, making sure his latest injuries were healing properly. He was healing slower than he would have liked but it was an unfortunate side effect of what had happened to him on Sanctuary along with everything that had happened to him afterwards. To both of their delight, it appeared the seizures Loki had suffered from had disappeared. Lady Eir would continue to monitor him in case they returned but Loki doubted they would. He suspected they had been a result of the damaged bond between himself and the Other. With the bond torn completely from his mind, he was finally able to begin repairing the damage Ebony Maw and the Other had done.
This time when the door to his rooms opened it was not Lady Eir who entered, but Thor and their parents. They approached him somewhat cautiously. Thor hung back furthest, seeming almost uncomfortable there. “How are you feeling?” his mother asked, drawing his attention to her.
“Growing tired of everyone asking me that,” replied Loki, returning his gaze to the window.
“Lady Eir tells us you will make a full recovery,” Odin said.
The healer had told him as much as well. It was a relief to know no permanent damage had been done to his body. His mind however, he wasn’t sure if his mind would ever heal. Loki was mad and a monster and… “What is to be done with me?”
His parents shared a look and Loki suspected he was destined for the dungeons once again. “You will remain here until Lady Eir deems you well enough to leave.”
Loki turned his eyes away from the outdoors back to them. “If I am to be locked in the dungeon for the rest of my life, it would be a greater mercy to simply execute me. I have been driven mad once, I would rather not suffer it again.”
Another look passed between his parents. “While you must endure some punishment for your actions on Midgard,” his father began, “in light of new information surroundings those actions, such a punishment outweighs the crimes.”
Loki openly gaped at his father. “You must be joking.”
Thor stepped forward now, “You didn’t believe any of it was real.”
“That doesn’t change what I did,” Loki argued.
“It changes everything.”
“Does it change the lives that were lost or the destruction I caused?”
“No,” Thor admitted somewhat reluctantly, “but you feel remorse for those actions now, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Loki said with a sigh. “Yes, I feel remorse now but… At the time… I enjoyed it. I relished the destruction I caused because it felt like an outlet for all of the anger and hurt I hold.”
“I believe this is a discussion for another time,” Odin said.
Loki let out a snort, “Oh yes, lets ignore everything. If we do so then maybe the problem will go away.” Odin had been correct in that assumption for a time. He had ignored Loki long enough that Loki had indeed gone away. Loki being back now was only a temporary setback.
“What I mean,” his father said with a forced calm, “is wait until you have had more time to heal. Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail then.”
“I am perfectly calm.”
“You are growing agitated,” his mother said gently.
“Noticed that, did you,” Loki snapped.
“Loki,” Odin admonished, “you’ve no reason to speak to your mother in such a way.”
She’s not my mother, sat on the tip of his tongue but the words never passed his lips. How many times had he denied her only to wish it was the truth? “I know,” he replied, forcing himself to calm, “I apologize.”
She smiled at him graciously, “Emotions have been running high as of late.”
“It is no reason for me to take my anger out on you.”
“You do have reason to be angry with myself and your father. It is also reasonable such anger will take time to overcome. There is much to be discussed, from both before and after you fell from Bifröst.” Frigga took a seat across from him on the windowsill. “It does not have to be right now and it does not have to happen all at once. Take time to recover, both your body and soul and when you are ready, we will speak.”
Loki was unsure if he would ever be ready but he nodded anyway. He fought the urge to roll his eyes when he caught Thor shifting nervously from foot to foot.
“Would you be willing to speak for a few moments brother?” asked Thor.
Loki pondered Thor’s request but in the end, for a reason he couldn’t quite fathom, he agreed.
“We will return later,” his mother said. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Odin gave his shoulder a squeeze.
He and Thor watched their parents leave and Thor took their mother’s place on the sill. “What did you wish to speak of?” Loki asked.
Thor sat in silence to the point Loki was tempted to kick him. Thor had asked to speak with him and now they were alone, Thor was suddenly a mute. Loki resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself protectively. The longer Thor remained silent, the more frustrated Loki became. He opened his mouth to speak only—
“When did we lose our ability to communicate?” Thor asked. “We used to know everything about each other.” His gaze finally found Loki’s, “What happened to us brother?”
Loki shrugged, unable to hold Thor’s gaze. “We drifted apart some time ago,” he agreed. “There was no one thing to cause it Thor. You… you are the sun and all of Asgard loves you. I am nothing but a shadow, barely tolerated by them.”
“That’s not—” Thor started to protest only for his expression to fall as he realized the truth of Loki’s words. Loki’s chest tightened painfully at the sight. As much as he had tried to deny it, he did still care for his family and they were family. They had hurt one another, that much was true, and nothing would ever be the same but the thought of leaving and losing them forever… it was a thought he could not tolerate. The very idea had become anathema to him.
“I never realized how you felt,” Thor said. “I thought everyone saw you the same way I saw you. We were equals and—”
“We were never equals Thor,” Loki interrupted gently, “and I doubt it was until recently you began to think that way. I know you have thought me beneath you.”
Thor’s eyes widened in shock. “I never—”
When Loki interrupted this time, he spoke with Thor’s own voice, “Know your place brother.”
Thor winced, his face flushing with shame. “I did say that to you, didn’t I? I was so angry I hadn’t been crowned king and I took it out on you. You tried to talk sense into me, tried to keep us from going to Jötunheim and I disregarded you and cast you aside while simultaneously dragging you with me. I’m so sorry Loki. If I had never forced you to go to Jötunheim none of this would have happened.”
“Perhaps not,” Loki replied, his voice returning to normal, “but then I wouldn’t have learned the truth.”
“It’s a truth which pains you.” Thor bit his lip. “Is that why you let go?”
The conversation was growing quite heavy and Loki was not ready to delve into that particular topic quite yet. He might never be, to be honest. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
Thor appeared as though he wanted to say more on the subject but thankfully he acceded to Loki’s request. “This discussion isn’t over but it might be better if mother and father are here too. Brother—”
“Why do you keep calling me that?
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I’m not your brother.”
Thor looked aghast, “Of course you are.”
“I’m really not.”
Thor seemed to deflate before Loki’s eyes. “This is about your heritage, isn’t it?” Thor asked.
Loki’s stomach twisted and his chest tightened. He dropped his gaze to his lap where he picked at the fingers of his still healing hand. “I’d rather not talk about that either.”
“It pains you.” Thor’s hand covered his, forcing Loki to stop fidgeting. “Father and mother never should have kept it from you and even if I was never told, they shouldn’t have allowed me to say the things I did.”
Loki blinked back sudden tears. He blamed his raging emotions on his weakened body. It isn’t just my body which is weak, he thought angrily. Everything about me is weak.
“It explains much, doesn’t it?” Loki found himself saying. “Why I never seemed to measure up to being a proper Asgardian, it’s because I’m not Asgardian. I’m…” his throat seemed to close on him. He breathed deep until he was able to speak again. Holding up a hand, he said, “This isn’t even what I really look like and, you know, I don’t even know what I look like. I can’t bring myself to see, the very thought of it makes me sick.”
He dropped his hand back to his lap. “I had never even realized my very appearance was an illusion. It has always felt natural; I had no reason to suspect it was a lie.”
“It’s not a lie Loki.”
Loki scoffed, “Don’t be so naïve Thor. You and I both know a monster hides underneath my skin.”
“You can take many shapes brother, all of them you and none a lie nor are you a monster.”
“Aren’t I?”
“Of course not.”
“I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
“Or I can remind you every day until you can come to see it for yourself.”
“Don’t bother, it won’t matter.”
“What do you mean? Why would you say that?”
It was obvious, wasn’t it? “I’ll be locked away until I die and besides, all of Asgard already sees me as a monster, what I did on Midgard only reinforces the belief. It isn’t worth trying to change anything.” Loki turned his gaze back to Thor. “Why now?”
“What?”
“Why are you here, now?”
Thor frowned. “I wanted to visit, to see if you were doing better?”
Loki sent Thor a look which clearly showed his skepticism. “You’re here to make yourself feel better. It has nothing to do with me.”
“How can you say that?” asked Thor, gaping at him in disbelief.
“Easily. I have been locked in the dungeon for months and you never once visited. The only reason you showed up was because you were drunk off your ass. If you had been sober you never would have seen me.”
“That’s not true! Father forbade—”
“That never stopped you before,” interrupted Loki. “If you didn’t get your way, you would throw a temper tantrum and if something or someone didn’t conform to your views then…” he spread his hands. “You have only cared for me when it was convenient. You were quite quick to distance yourself from me when speaking with your new Midgardian friends.”
Shock and a little bit of fear flitted across Thor’s gaze. “I would never do that.”
“‘He’s adopted’,” Loki said blandly. Thor’s face flushed again. “You couldn’t have said that fast enough, could you?”
“I… Wait, how do you even know I said that?”
“I know you better than you realize and besides, I heard you.”
“You couldn’t have. You were in the—”
“The glass prison, yes I was, but you apparently never took into account it wasn’t warded, at all. I could have left at any time and in fact, I watched your little meeting about me. I knew about the green beast from Barton and it was quite easy to convince the woman I would use him in my plans.” Loki gave a half shrug. “The beast did come in handy and while I didn’t appreciate being tossed around like a ragdoll, it did help to damage the bond between myself and his minions.
“As for what you said to your new friends, you wanted to impress them and a homicidal brother, one Hel-bent on conquering their world, was not the way to do so. By saying I’m adopted you could remove yourself from anything I had done. We share no blood and I am…” he cleared his throat. “I am Jötunn which means it must be in my very nature to be evil. I was born that way, after all.”
Thor leaned back as Loki spoke, a look of absolute misery crossing his face. Though now that Loki was on a roll, he found he couldn’t stop talking until he’d gotten everything off his chest.
“It never once occurred to you or anyone that there was something wrong with me. No, it was just assumed everything I did; I did for some nefarious reason. I may not have realized everything around me was real and the Midgardians wouldn’t have reason to know something was wrong with me but you, you who have known me for over a thousand years, who made claims of brotherhood assumed I was attacking Midgard as a means of ‘recompense for imagined slights’. I haven’t imagined anything and the worst part of it all is, no one, no one asked me why!”
Thor stared up at him with eyes blown wide. Loki hadn’t realized he had stood to loom over Thor during his tirade until Thor nearly fell from the seat. Loki’s chest heaved with his harsh breaths and he forced himself to regain control.
“I-I,” Thor stammered, “I didn’t think—”
“Of course not, because you never do. Let me guess, it was your sycophantic friends who convinced you I was beyond saving and that I did what I did out of jealously.” Thor’s eyes daring away were answer enough for him. “I’m sure they also told you I orchestrated your banishment so I could take the throne of Asgard for myself as well. I may have shown the Jötanr the way into Asgard,” all of his rage suddenly seemed to drain out of him at the admission, “but it was never supposed to go that far. All I wanted was for someone to finally see you weren’t ready. You’re selfish, arrogant, reckless, and think only of the glory you can obtain and I had tried on numerous occasions to tell Odin but, like you, he didn’t listen either.
“Oh, and just in case you do believe I stole the throne from you, I never wanted the damn thing in the first place. The council made me king in your and Odin’s absence and the actions I took as king were for the good of Asgard.”
“You tried to wipe out an entire race,” Thor protested.
“Yes,” Loki conceded, feeling his anger rise again, “I did, though you were guilty of the same thing not three days before. The only difference was I would have done it without risking a single Æsir life but yet, I’m the villain. I’m to blame for your own stupid decisions. It’s why you threw me from the bridge isn’t it, because I devised a way to destroy all of the monsters in one fell swoop. I robbed you of your glory in battle. Well,” Loki threw his arms wide, “here’s one right here. Go ahead Thor, slay the monster.”
Thor gaped at him and Loki was surprised to realize Thor was crying. Tears ran down his face, disappearing into his beard and making the blond hairs just a little darker. Thor’s lips were pressed tightly together in an effort to keep them from trembling.
Loki took a step back, the picture before him causing his heart to do strange things. “You’re crying. Why are you crying?”
Thor didn’t answer; instead he rose from his seat with his head bowed low. The image of the thunderer so obviously distraught had Loki wanting to run. Occasionally, like all siblings, Loki had wanted to hurt his brother back after Thor had hurt him and would but this… This was something different. He’d expected rage at his words, for Thor’s anger to overcome him to the point where he lashed out at Loki in retaliation, not weeping as though he were hurt. There was no way Loki could ever truly hurt the Mighty Thor.
“You’re right,” Thor said, his voice thick with emotion. “I should have asked more questions and not simply have taken what someone else told me to be your ambitions as truth. You are my brother; I should have known better.” Although Thor looked as though he wanted to hug Loki, he thankfully did not. “I will leave you to your rest,” he said instead. “If you are amenable to it later, Stark and Romanoff wish to speak with you. They all do but those two were most adamant.”
Loki’s own emotions swirled, no single one standing out over the rest. “I’ll think about it,” he replied.
Thor gave a sharp nod then left the room, closing the door silently behind him.
Once the door was closed, Loki sank back onto the window seat and let out a shaky breath. He’d said things he probably shouldn’t have but they were things that had needed to be said. Loki would not feel remorse for his words. He’d done enough coddling to other people’s feelings, maybe it was time he let his own be known and if someone else’s were hurt in the process, then so be it.