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Jin Ling hated caves.
It wasn’t just that they were dark and smelly and generally, in his experience, full of horrible monsters. Hell, the horrible monsters almost made them appealing. It was that, sometimes, when you went into a cave to find one of those horrible monsters, and you fell down a cliff with the most annoying of the Lan disciples, who was meant to be helping and not getting in the way, and your uncle followed you because he didn’t trust you to do anything on your own, there was an earthquake and you ended up trapped underground with your uncle and the stupid Lan discipline.
“I think my leg’s broken,” Lan Jingyi said into the darkness. “It really hurts.”
“Shut up,” Jin Ling and his uncle said together, and for a second Jin Ling thought being trapped for a while might not be so bad, then his uncle cast a light charm and he actually saw Lan Jingyi’s leg.
It definitely wasn’t meant to bend that way.
He spun around quickly to face the wall, squeezing his eyes closed.
“I think you might be right,” Jiang Cheng said, dryly. “Fuck, I knew letting you Lans come along was a mistake. Just don’t move, alright? Jin Ling, what are you doing? Get over here.”
“There’s nothing wrong with us Lans,” Jingyi grumbled, and how did he still manage to sound so put out when he had to be in a lot of pain.
“Jin Ling!”
“I don’t want to look.”
“Oh, don’t be such a princess,” Jingyi said. “It’s not that bad. Here, let me cover it up so you don’t have to see it.”
“Stop fucking moving,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “You don’t want to make it any worse.”
“Make me stop moving.”
“Maybe I will!”
“Kinky!”
Jin Ling was in hell.
“I hate you both,” he said, daring to turn around. Jiang Cheng had pulled off his outer robe and draped it over the mess of Jingyi’s leg, so that was better at least. Jin Ling stomped over, glaring at the robe like Jingyi might kick it up any second and make him look again.
“Do you have any medicinal herbs?” his uncle asked, eyes on Jingy’s leg.
“A few. Won’t Jingyi have more, his sect are more into medicines?” He opened his sleeve and dug around in his pouch for the small sachet of medicinal herbs he kept there. His uncle took then, looked at them then nodded.
“Boil some water.”
“Stop telling me what to do,” he said, though he went and gathered some kindling to start building a small fire. It might have just been the strange light his uncle had made but Lan Jingyi really wasn’t looking well and Jin Ling didn’t want to have to be the one who went back to Gusu and told them that one of their most promising disciples had died in a cave on a night hunt he wasn’t even meant to be part of.
They were near Lotus Pier, it didn’t even really make any sense for Jingyi to be there, though when they’d run into him he’d made some excuse about passing through and then he’d said something about wanting to see Jin Ling’s uncle take down a monster and followed them and promised to be useful.
And then everything had gone to hell.
The fire flared to life with only a little power and his uncle shut down the low-level glow he’d been maintaining. Jingyi looked even more washed out, somehow, in the firelight than he had in the glow of the magical light, and he was leaning dangerously to the side.
“Actually, I don’t really feel too good,” he said, and he didn’t sound too good either. “Do you think we’re going to be stuck in here for long?”
“Don’t be so soft,” Jiang Cheng said, though he did position himself up against Lan Jingyi’s side, propping him up. “You don’t need to be so dramatic about everything.”
“I’m not being dramatic,” Jingyi said, his head listing to the side. Jin Ling held out his water container over the fire since he didn’t exactly have anything else to heat the water in. It must not have been a terrible idea because his uncle didn’t yell at him.
He made himself focus on what he was doing and not whatever nonsense Jingyi was talking, moving the herbs and grinding them as best he could, tearing them with his fingers is nothing else worked, then dropping them into his water. He wished he’d spent a little more time learning about the properties of the plants he carried. His uncle had given them to him. His other uncle. The one he tried not to think about any more.
He’d taken a lot of things for granted.
Once he thought it had probably boiled enough he used a branch to push the canteen back out of the fire and let it cool. Jingyi was still mumbling on about something and it was probably good that he was talking.
What was more unusual was that Jiang Cheng was talking back, absently calling him an idiot. Normally, Jiang Cheng just ignored things and people that were annoying to him.
Eventually, they got the medicine into Lan Jingyi, who was definitely not looking so good. Jiang Cheng lay a hand on Jingyi’s forehead and frowned at what he felt there.
“Ah, sect leader Jiang, so informal,” Jingyi croaked, then Jin Ling knocked his hand out of the way to feel Jingyi’s skin too. The idiot was burning up. The herbs might not be enough.
He needed a doctor.
“Jin Ling,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “Get your sword. You need to find a way out of here.”
“I’ll be fine,” Lan Jingyi said. He was slumped fully into Jiang Cheng’s side at this point, his head resting on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. Somehow, Jiang Cheng had put an arm around this Lan disciple, holding him up. Jin Ling probably hadn’t been held that closely by his own uncle in many years. “It’s not that bad. You’ve got a monster to defeat right, sect leader Jin?”
“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng snapped, glaring at the top of Lan Jingyi’s head. “The monster will wait.”
It wouldn’t wait. It was a legendary beast that awoke from its slumber once every hundred years and came down into the local towns to devour people before retreating to its mountain home for another hundred years. Lotus Pier had been notified when it appeared and his uncle had sent for Jin Ling right away. A kill like this could cement the reputation of a sect leader, and Jin Ling very badly needed some help to cement his reputation.
If they didn’t get the beast soon, it’d be hidden again and sleeping.
If they didn’t get help soon, Lan Jingyi might not make it.
Jin Ling hated him.
He took out his sword.
“I’ll be back,” he said, stepping onto it. “Don’t go and die while I’m looking for a way out and make this entire trip a waste.”
“I’ll do my best,” Jingyi said. Jin Ling snorted and shot up, looking for the way they’d come in.
The landslide had completely sealed the cave exit and was thick enough to stop any sounds or rescue reaching them, though surely people were trying to rescue them. He ruled that exit out pretty easily and headed higher up, following routes and paths that dwindled to nothing.
He’d almost given up hope when he finally spotted it, the faintest patch of natural light.
It was high up on the wall of a cavern and a little tricky to reach, even on his sword. The hole was tiny, just enough to push his hand though, but he found quickly that most of it was mud and earth, woven together with plant roots to make a thick carpet. It didn’t tear easily but he managed to pull it free in handfuls until the hole was bigger, big enough for him, perhaps even big enough for them to carry out Lan Jingyi.
It was morning. It had been evening when they went into the cave.
He flew up into the air for a moment and let himself enjoy the feeling of fresh air on his skin. He could see, far in the distance, the rescue crew working. They weren’t going to be quick enough.
He went back into the caves.
His uncle was here he’d left him, Lan Jingyi lying in his arms. Jin Ling went to shout to them as he came down from above them, then heard what they were saying and nearly fell off his sword.
“I just think that, if I’m dying, it’d be a shame for me to die without having my first kiss when you’re right here,” Jingyi was saying. Jin Ling expected his uncle to be furious about that, to pull out Zidian and whip Jingyi, no matter what state he was in. Instead, his uncle just snorted.
“I’ve already told you you’re not dying.”
“But if I am?” He sounded a little like death was close.
“I’m not kissing a dying man.”
“That’s so mean, sect leader Jiang. You’d deny me my last wish?”
“You’re not dying.”
“But if I was—”
“How about this,” Jiang Cheng interrupted. “You stop being an idiot and get out of this alive and with your leg still attached to your body and then I’ll kiss you.”
“So romantic—”
“I’ve found an exit,” Jin Ling yelled, interrupting them before his uncle could do something truly ridiculous like decide that maybe he would kiss Lan Jingyi after all. “There’s a hole. We’re going to have to fly him up there, though.”
His uncle glared up at him as though Jin Ling had interrupted something important and should know better. Jin Ling was unrepentant, landing and reaching to pull Jingyi up. His uncle flirting with people was terrible enough and he always went out of his way to stop it, his uncle flirting with Lan Jingyi was just something he couldn’t even contemplate.
“Leave him alone,” Jiang Cheng snapped, slapping Jin Ling’s hands away. “Bring me one of those branches, we’ll strap it to his leg to stabilise it then I’ll carry him.”
“My hero,” Lan Jingyi said. He was pale, his eyes unfocused, sweat beading on his forehead. Jin Ling hoped that, if he did survive this, he was at least out of it enough that he’d forget any stupid promised Jiang Cheng had made to him.
They wrapped the leg as best they could. Or Jiang Cheng did while Jin Ling stared at the corner again, then he guided them up and out of the cave.
The slumbering beast was forgotten in all the excitement. Their return was followed by a rush to Lotus Pier and a flurry of doctors and herbs. Jin Ling stayed long enough to learn that Lan Jingyi would, in fact, survive and that they’d managed to get his leg facing the right way again so he didn’t have to be removed.
He pointedly ignored any rumours he heard over the next few months about Lan Jingyi’s prologued convalescence at Lotus Pier and why, exactly, sect leader Jiang might be letting him stay.
+
Being a sect leader wasn’t much fun at all.
Jin Ling wasn’t sure why he’d expected it to be fun, he’d grown up shuffled between uncles, each of them making it very clear in their own way that, while being a sect leader was a great honour, it wasn’t much fun. Still, he’d been shocked by the weight of politics, of decisions where there wasn’t a good choice, of having to remember at all times that he existed first as a representative of his sect and that what he did had consequences for every single person in his sect.
So he had to get away. Not often, just sometimes. Sometimes, when the world was too heavy, he’d leave a note about going on a night hunt and creep out.
And when he really needed to get away, he’d head to Lotus Pier.
It was already dark when he dropped down on the walkway outside his room with a sigh. The last week had been a nightmare of petty falling out and manoeuvring from power. All he really wanted was to drop into his bed and go to sleep but his uncle would definitely break his legs if he didn’t at least announce that he’d arrived.
He took a few minutes to put down his stuff, stretch out his shoulders, then he headed back out into the compound.
Most of the lights were dimmed and most of the staff were asleep, though there were a few guards on duty. Still, there was no way his Uncle was asleep. Jin Ling headed to his office, fully expecting to find his glaring at a pile of work papers like he had been on so many other nights. When Jin Ling was still little, when he couldn’t sleep, he’d creep into his uncle’s office late at night with his sheets and curl up in a corner. His uncle had always glared at him but he’d never stopped him.
The door to the office was closed, which was unusual. He slid it open but it was deserted.
He frowned.
His uncle couldn’t be asleep, he never managed to sleep at a reasonable time. Jin Ling turned to the training grounds but he wasn’t there either, nor was he being moody in the ancestor's hall which was another likely spot.
He was heading towards the servants quarters to ask someone who might actually know when he caught the faint sound of laughter on the breeze. He froze, it was coming from the direction of the family quarters. The direction of his uncle’s quarters.
He leapt silently up onto the roof, then crept along, being sure to keep back and into the shadows. His uncle had never been sat in his room laughing when Jin Ling had gone looking for him in the night before.
This could only mean something new was happening, and that was terrible.
He crept round to a roof with a good view of his uncle’s door, which was stood open. There was light inside, and the quiet murmur of voices. His uncle was entertaining someone. His uncle hated entertaining. He only did it when he absolutely had to and, in Jin Ling’s entire life, there had only been a handful of people his uncle had actually tried to entertain in private. Jin Ling had seen them all off. None of them were good enough for his uncle.
But now someone was there. He couldn’t see into the room from his rooftop so he risked dropping to the ground. He crouched in the bush for a moment, waiting for his uncle to realise he was there and shout at him, not nothing happened.
Weirder and weirder.
Slowly, he crept out of the bushes and edged closer, skirting the courtyard. Soon, he could make out the familiar cadence of his uncle’s voice and tell that the other voice was male, which was good. If it was a man, this probably wasn’t a romantic encounter. Jin Ling hated thinking of his uncle having romantic encounters.
Still, there was something weirdly familiar about the other voice.
Finally, he came close enough to hear what they were talking about.
“Brat,” his uncle was saying, his tone far too affectionate. “What are you even doing here? Go away?”
“Sect leader, you invited me,” the other voice said, and Jin Lind suddenly had a horrible suspicion he knew just who it was. “Didn’t you promise me kisses whenever I wanted as I was dramatically dying in your arms?”
“I promised you one kiss, you little shit. And I’ve delivered. Go away.”
“But you’d be so bored if I went away.”
His uncle snorted in that way he did when he agreed with something but didn’t want to. His uncle was amused by this… this flirting! Only it couldn’t be flirting. Jin Ling had never known his uncle to show any special interest in men. He wasn’t like that. Sure, there was nothing wrong with being like that. His other uncle was like that. But Jiang Cheng…
“I’d live.”
“Ah, Jiang Cheng, you’re so mean.”
“And you’re so familiar. I thought you were going to be a good and respectful discipline and call me sect leader Jiang from now on?”
“Didn’t I already call you that earlier? I think I screamed it, actually. We probably gave some poor servant a really big fright.”
“Yes, you did,” his uncle said and, shit, that was a tone Jin Ling never wanted to hear coming from his uncle’s mouth. He definitely shouldn’t be there. He was going to end up hearing something he couldn’t come back from. He had to leave.
Then his uncle stepped out onto the walkway.
He was indecent, his robes barely tied and sliding off one shoulder, his hair down. It was terrible. Jin Ling was going to have to gouge out his own eyes.
“Don’t abandon me,” the voice said, and a few seconds later Jin Ling couldn’t even cling to the thin thread of deniability he had left as Lan Jingyi followed his uncle out and draped himself over his uncle’s back.
“How am I abandoning you? I’m just getting some fresh air.”
“Whatever,” Lan Jingyi said. He looked even worse than Jiang Cheng, he was only wearing a loose pair of sleep pants and even they looked like they were in danger of falling down any second. Jin Ling was regretting every decision in his life that had brought him to this point. “Here, I peeled you a lychee.”
“Thanks,” his uncle said and he sounds soft. Happy. That was terrible. His uncle expressed affection through threats of violence, he wasn’t allowed to sound pleased that Lan Jingyi had peeled a lychee for him.
Then Lan Jingyi raised his hand, then lychee in his fingers, and instead of taking it like a civilised human, his uncle reached up and gripped Lan Jangyi’s wrist then ate the fruit right from his fingers, then sucked Lan Jingyi’s fingers into his mouth to get the juice.
Then he turned in Lan Jingyi’s arms and kissed him.
And Jin Ling definitely didn’t need to see this. He didn’t need to see his uncle kiss anyone, but if his uncle did have to kiss someone then surely there was a better candidate than Lan Jingyi. Surely anyone would be better than Lan Jingyi.
Luckily, Jin Ling was saved from either gouging out his own eyes or stabbing himself in the stomach to end his suffering by the two men stumbling into his uncle’s room and out of sight.
He was still careful to be quiet as he crept away and back to his room though, with all the noise they were making, he was pretty sure he could run around outside the room screaming and they wouldn’t notice him. Once back in the privacy of his own space he took a minute to bury his face in his pillows and scream, then quickly gathered his things up and slipped back out into the night.
He really didn’t want to deal with the bother of being a sect leader, but he’d take it over having to think about his uncle having sex with Lan Jingyi.
+
Jin Ling knew that his uncle hated his own birthday. He seemed to enjoy other people’s birthdays well enough, he’d always made sure everyone celebrated Jin Ling’s with appropriate enthusiasm, but he always preferred his own to be small and private.
When Jin Ling had been very small, they used to do things together with just the two of them. He’d always be sent to Lotus Pier in time for his uncle’s birthday and, on the day, the two of them would often go out hunting together or take a boat out into the lotus lakes to swim or take fairy up into the mountains for some training.
As he’d grown older, they’d spent the day in Lotus Pier. They’d eaten well and trained and he’d even, sometimes, been allowed a drink of wine with his uncle in the evening before he went to bed.
This year things were different.
It seemed like all of Lotus Pier was full of bunting. The tables were groaning with the amount of food laid out on them and all the servants were in great moods. Of course they were, they’d been freed up from all non-essential duties to take the day to celebrate. There’d been a small sporting contest that Jin Ling had found himself dragged into. There had been some fighting displays, his uncle had even stepped in and shown his skill with Zidian.
Even with all the change, the biggest change was that his uncle seemed happy. He seemed to be enjoying his birthday, to be glad to share it with others and let them appreciate him.
And his uncle deserved that, he did. He was always so angry and he worked so hard, he definitely deserved time to relax and show off a little and laugh with the rest of his clan. In fact, Jin Ling wouldn’t have had anything to complain about at all if I wasn’t for Lan Jingyi.
It was just that Lan Jingyi ruined everything.
Lan Jingyi shouldn’t have even been there. He wasn’t a formal guest sent from the Lan clan, though the Lan clan knew where he was and didn’t seem to mind. (It was possible that Jin Ling had mentioned his hanging around Lotus Pier to Lan Sizhui who had seemed neither surprised nor upset and just said that Jingyi deserved happiness.
He sat next to Jiang Cheng during the feasting and the formal celebrations, then again when they’d all gone outside to watch the fighting and the athletics. He was the one who’d tricked Jin Ling into taking part in the contests. He’d even beat Jin Ling at archery which was completely unacceptable. He was the one who’d talked Jiang Cheng into showing off with Zidian, sitting too close and whispering into his ear until he gave in and did it.
And now, when formal events were winding down, somehow Lan Jingyi was still there, trailing after him and his uncle as they headed for the family wing.
“This has been a good day, right?” Lan Jingyi said, walking way too close to Jiang Cheng. They weren’t, like, holding hands or anything, that’d be was too disgusting, but they weren’t exactly being appropriate either.
“It has,” Jiang Cheng replied. He almost sounded surprised about it, like he didn’t normally have a good time on his birthday. “You were right, we did need a party.”
“I’m always right,” Lan Jingyi said, slinging his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, and that was really too much. Jin Ling stepped up quickly.
“Uncle, do you want the present I brought you?”
His uncle snorted. “It’s not some horrible fucking gold-encrusted rubbish again, is it?”
“No,” Jin Ling said. “I told you, I had to bring you those kinds of gifts because people kept saying it reflected badly on the Jin if I didn’t. I got you something better this year.” Much better. He’d spent a lot of time finding the right craftspeople to make the gift and being sure it was taken care of on the trip to lotus pier. He knew he’d brought some terrible things before but not this time. This time he’d cracked it.
“We should definitely do gifts. I got you something too,” Lan Jingyi said, his arm somehow still around Jiang Cheng like he had no shame at all.
“I told you not to get me a gift.”
“Well, you told me not to throw you a party too and that worked out great. It’s a good thing I know better than you.”
That was the king of talk that would get Jin Ling threatened, apparently when it came to Lan Jingyi his uncle just snorted and carried on walking. “Fine, go get your presents.”
“Will do,” Lan Jingy said, turning and sprinting away towards the guest quarters. It was good to know he had a room there at least, though Jiang Cheng frowned at his retreating back. Jin Ling took off running to his own room to get his gift. His perfect gift. Whatever Lan Jingyi had managed to find, he couldn’t top this.
The box was quite big and unwieldy but he still managed to get it back to his uncle’s room before Lan Jingyi appeared. That was perfect. As much as Jin Ling would have loved to see Lan Jingyi’s face when he saw the gift, it was better that it was just between the two of them.
“What the hell is that?” Jiang Cheng asked when Jin Ling brought the box in, though he didn’t seem upset about it.
“A present,” he said, setting the box down.
And, okay, there was some Jin in his blood after all, the box was beautiful. He’d had it crafted by a renowned artisan and carved with important scenes from his uncle’s life. It was inlaid with gold and jade and really was a fine piece. His uncle turned up his nose.
“A box?”
“Don’t be an idiot, open it.”
His uncle raised his hand like he was going to swat at him but Jin Ling dodged back out of the way and instead his uncle just glared for a second before opening the lid on the box, then he paused and really looked at the present.
It was a bow.
Not just any bow, though. The bow was made by a master and was carved with lotus as well as sigils for speed, accuracy and deadly force. It was an object of both beauty and practicality and, as his uncle stared at it, Jin Ling thew that this year, finally, he’d managed to bring a gift that his uncle would appreciate.
“Jin Ling,” his uncle said, reaching out to gently touch the carving. Jin Ling’s gut churned. His uncle was going to say something nice about it. It was going to tell Jin Ling that he liked it, that Jin Ling had done well.
And then Lan Jingyi barged into the room. Both of their eyes snapped to him.
He was holding a dog.
“What the hell is that?” Jin Ling asked. The dog was ugly. Tiny and ugly and squirming in Lan Jingyi’s arms, completely undisciplined. Lan Jingyi just grinned then strolled across the room and dropped the puppy into Jiang Cheng’s lap.
“I found it outside Cloud Recesses a few weeks ago. Its mother was dead so I’ve been feeding it since then. I thought about you when I found it. It needs a home.”
“Is it a spiritual dog?” Jin Ling asked, dubious. His own dog was, of course, a top rate spiritual dog. She’d been bred to help him in all kinds of tasks and was amazing. This dog didn’t look amazing. This dog looked like one of any number of dogs Jin Ling saw on the street any day.
“Of course not,” Lan Jingyi said, waving his hand dismissively. “She’s just a dog. She’s good at eating things she shouldn’t and peeing inside even when you tell her not to. I think I’ve taught her to sit, too. I’ve been calling her Lychee.”
“Lychee,” Jiang Cheng echoed, and when Jin Ling looked over he knew he’d lost. The bow was still in his case, and Jiang Cheng’s hands had gone to the perfectly normal, ugly, smelly dog in his lap. They were gently stroking its back and the dog was looking up at his uncle in open adoration.
“Yeah. You can change it if you want, I’m not going to be weird about it. I like Lychee, though. It’s cute.”
“Lychee’s a good name,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can’t keep her, though.”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Because I don’t have dogs. I’ve never been able to have dogs. I mean, not since… and now…”
Jin Ling knew this story. He’d hadn’t, nobody had told him until after Guanyin temple and everything that had happened there. Then he’d learnt about Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, the man responsible for the death of his mother and his father. The man who’d taken Jin Ling’s entire family and also saved Jin Ling and his friends and who had apparently been brought here as a child, so afraid of dogs and so pitiful that his uncle, who loved dogs, had agreed to give all his away so Wei Wuxian would feel more comfortable.
Jin Ling felt a lot of ways about Wei Wuxian and apparently he felt a lot of ways about his uncle having a dog again too.
“You should have a dog,” Lan Jingyi said. “I mean, I know there are complications because of senior Wei but it’s not like he’s actually been back here and even if he starts coming back here, this isn’t going to be his home again. It’s your home and you love dogs. If you want a dog, there’s no reason you can’t have one.”
“But it’s such a pitiful dog,” Jin ling protested, though he could already tell he was fighting a losing battle. “Don’t you want a spiritual dog? We have great breeders in Lanling.”
The pitiful, horribly little street dog chose this moment to lean over and gently lick at Jiang Cheng’s hand. Jiang Cheng’s face did something very complicated and suddenly it was all too much.
He didn’t want Lan Jingyi to be there.
He wanted a birthday like they always had. He wanted himself and his uncle spending the day together, alone. They were fine like that. They were happy. And sure, the party was nice and he’d enjoyed the stupid games and now his uncle was apparently happy with this stupid, mangey animal but Jin Ling hated it. He hated everything about it.
He grabbed the bow case and threw it.
The bow fell out, striking the floor. Lan Jingyi jumped. His uncle yelled. The stupid dog yelped and curled further into his uncle’s lap.
“I hate you,” Jin Ling yelled, eyes on the bow case. He wasn’t sure if he was yelling at the dog, Lan Jingyi or his uncle. Then he stood and ran out of the room.
Then he ran right out of Lotus pier.
It didn’t take him long to work out that he’d done a very stupid thing.
He wasn’t a child. He was a sect leader. He was a respected adult. So what if his uncle god a puppy. So what if his uncle liked Lan Jingyi. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. He should be glad that his uncle had someone in his life who apparently cared enough to find a fucking street dog and raise it for him.
But it had always been the two of them. And now it wasn’t.
Now it wasn’t even the three of them. It was the two of them and him.
And he hated it.
He stopped in the woods outside Lotus Pier. He stood panting under a tree for a while, sat down at its roots and buried his face into his legs.
It was so stupid. He was so stupid.
He just couldn’t stop hating Lan Jingyi.
Surely that should be a good enough reason for his uncle to break off whatever stupid thing they had. Surely, if your only nephew, the only family you had left, hated someone, you’d break things off with them. It wasn’t even like Lan Jingyi was a suitable person for his uncle to date anyway. He was too young and too loud and too push and his uncle didn’t need anyone. The two of them were fine together.
When his uncle found him, he was busy pulling up blades of grass and glaring at them. He glared at his uncle, too.
“There are you,” his uncle snapped, all the warmth from earlier gone. “You little brat. I should just leave you out here to freeze.”
“I’m not going to freeze,” Jin Ling snapped. “My cultivation’s high enough for this. I’m not a child.”
“If you’re not a child then stop acting like one,” his uncle said through gritted teeth. “I can’t believe what a brat you are. I don’t even know what you’re so mad about. One minute everything’s fine and the next you’re throwing things on the floor and shouting at me.”
“It wasn’t fine,” Jin Ling snapped. “Nothing’s been fine all day. Everything’s been different.”
“Well yes,” his uncle said, rolling his eyes. “Things are different this year.”
“Well, I don’t like it.”
“You’ve made that very clear.”
“I hate Lan Jingyi.”
“Fine. I don’t care. Hate him if you need to, that’s no reason for you to behave like a spoiled little brat.”
Jin Ling gaped. He’d not expected that response, somehow. “You don’t care that I hate him?”
“You’ve made your feelings very clear. What do you think I’m going to do, break up with him for you? You’re my nephew and I care a lot about you, obviously, but no. I’m not going to do that.”
“But why?” Jin Ling whined. His uncle hated him whining but he couldn’t help it. “We were fine before? Why can’t things be like they were before?”
“You want things to be like they were before? When I didn’t have anyone to spend my birthday with other than a kid?”
“You didn’t like spending your birthday with me?”
“Stop trying to twist my words and listen,” his uncle snapped. “You’re not a kid any more, you’re old enough to hear this. I loved spending my birthday with you, but I’m a fucking grown man. You know what I did all those years, once you’d gone to bed? I worked. I pretending it wasn’t my birthday and I wasn’t missing my sister and my fucking brother and my parents. I drank and I worked and I pretended it was enough but it wasn’t.”
“You could have woken me up. I’d have kept you company.”
“I didn’t want your company. Look, I love you, you’re my family, but I need more than one person in my life. I’m sick of being so angry all the time. I swear I was on the verge of a qui deviation. I love you but you alone can’t be enough and it’s not anything you’ve done wrong, I just need more people in my life. I need Lan Jingyi in my life, apparently.”
“But why him? Why not literally anyone else?”
“Don’t act like it’d be different if it was someone else. Don’t act like you haven’t driven away everyone I’d tried to date since you were a kid.”
“I only drove away the ones who were wrong for you,” Jin Ling said, defiant. It wasn’t his fault that all of them had been wrong. They’d been too soft or too strict or too distant or too familiar. There had always been something. It was just that his uncle deserved the best person in the world, that was all.
And now apparently his uncle had settled on the worst person in the world.
“If Lan Jingyi actually cared about you he’d not be hanging around so much and getting in the way of our relationship.”
“If you actually cared about me you’d stop being a brat and, if you can’t accept Lan Jingyi, at least shut up about it and act like you’re glad that I’m finally happy for once.”
“But—”
“No, I’ve heard enough,” his uncle snapped, turning and walking away. “You’re an adult, you come back when you’re ready. I’m not standing here in the forest and pleading with you.”
“But, wait,” Jin Ling shouted, but his uncle was already gone.
He slept in the forest that night. He didn’t know if he was doing it to hurt his uncle or himself.
+
Jin Ling would never have agreed to host the discussion conference if he’d known he’d have to plan it while he was falling out with his uncle.
The thing was, planning a discussion conference was a complete nightmare even when everything was going really well. Everyone wanted to take the chance of the entire cultivation world being together to show off how important they were and how strong their position was. Jin Ling hated it. If they were as powerful as they said they were they shouldn’t have to make so much noise about it and care so much about where they were seated in the hall, but they all cared.
It didn’t help that, a few weeks after the terrible birthday, it came to light that the answer to ‘where is the Yiling Patriarch’ was ‘in Gusu Lan becoming engaged to the chief cultivator’ and everyone thought that meant the world was in chaos and they could renegotiate everything.
They were wrong and Jin Ling didn’t mind telling them they were wrong but it was tiring work and he had to do it all alone. Or with his advisors, but he knew exactly how far to trust his advisors.
The day of the actual conference he was still dealing with minor sects who thought the scandal of the chief cultivator’s marriage and their own record in relation to this should mean they were sat one seat closer than their local rival clan and Jin Ling was ready to pull his hair out.
When he saw his uncle he was about ready to run across the room screaming that he was sorry and throw himself into his uncle’s arms. He’d take it all back. He’d claim he loved Lan Jingyi. Anything to get all of this to stop.
Unfortunately, someone else beat him to it on the throwing themselves into his uncle’s arms front.
Because of course Lan Jingyi was in the Lan contingent.
And, okay, throwing himself into Jiang Cheng’s arms was maybe overstated things. Maybe he just went up to Jiang Cheng with a stupid expression on his face and tugged at Jiang Cheng’s sleeve and maybe Jiang Cheng smiled back at him like he was also an idiot and they leant their idiot heads together and ignored everyone else in the hall.
Either way, Jin Ling turned and stomped away. He’d rather try to soothe hurt feelings over the tea being served being a speciality of one region and not another than watch that.
The day went downhill from there.
The only good thing about the discussion conference was Lan Jingyi stayed where he was meant to stay, towards the back of the Lan contingent. The bad thing was this left room for Wei Wuxian at the front of the Lan contingent and Jin Ling got to learn along with the rest of the world that Wei Wuxian was clever, devoted to what was right, and completely willing and able to twist the chief cultivator around his little finger.
It didn’t help that everything was always so petty. This sect thought that sect were getting an unfair advantage because the creatures in their area weren’t as strong so they didn’t have to work as hard, the other sect thought they were hard done by as the other sect had stronger creatures to test their disciples again. Wei Wuxian somehow convinced them both that by their disciples training together, they’d be able to both benefit, Lan Wangji agreed. This sect was struggling to find enough disciples. Wei Wuxian suggested they focus more on forming relationships with the local population and building interest, Lan Wangji agreed. This sect thought they should be allocated an item of power, a though they were the kind of thing you were just given when your sect reached a certain size. This started a massive argument about who deserved to have powerful items that even Wei Wuxian couldn’t talk them into all agreeing on and Lan Wangji eventually stepped in to say no, he would not be distributing powerful artefacts, the conversation was over.
And then another sect. And then another sect.
Jin Ling found himself sharing a withering look with his uncle the third time someone came up to ask about if he was really the right person to fun the Jin sect. The good thing about Wei Wuxian essentially running the conference was that he seemed to be entirely invested in Jin Ling running the Jin so that ended that topic.
By the time the feasting started, Jin Ling was about ready to die. He, as the host, lead a round of toasts for first the chief cultivator then all the sect leaders, in order of importance. And then anyone could toast.
Like a group of piranha sensing blood in the water, eyes began to scan the room. Jin Ling hated it. He should just declare toasts illegal and make them all stay in their seats.
Sect leader Yao was the first one to actually make a move.
“Ah, sect leaders,” he said, smiling to himself. There had been a point in his youth when Jin Ling had thought sect leader Yao was a very sensible, kind, affable man. He knew better now. “Let’s have a toast to the happy couple. Come, Chief Cultivator, Yiling Patriarch, won’t you drink with us to the happiness of your union?”
“I do not drink,” Lan Wangji said, which everyone knew.
“Not even on this auspicious occasion?”
“We’re not getting married today, sect leader,” Wei Wuxian said, flashing a dangerous smile. “Though I’ll drink with you to the health of my future marriage.”
“Ah, excellent. I’m sure everyone else will join us too,” he said, gesturing wide. “After all, this is certainly a very unique union. For the chief cultivator to take a cultivation partner who is not only notorious but also a man.”
“A very good point,” someone said from further back in the hall, and then there was another round of murmuring, as though they hadn’t all thoroughly discussed among themselves how unsuitable and unusual the union was before the event even started.
“I thought,” sect leader Yao said. “That I might offer you some advice, as a man who has been married for many years. I find that the key to marital harmony is that one partner should lead and the other should follow. My wife follows my every desire and we have had many years of peaceful marriage. Surely, for two strong-willed men such as yourselves, this will be much harder to achieve.”
Lan Wangji grunted but said nothing. Wei Ying only raised an eyebrow.
“Does your wife feel that your relationship is fulfilling and balanced, or does she only tell you that so you’ll leave her alone.”
“I promise you that my wife is very happy,” Sect Leader Yao said, frowning. “I would expect such an unnatural union from you, being who you are, but surely the chief cultivator is more upstanding? Don’t we all know Lan Wangji to be an upstanding member of our community?”
There was more murmuring, a smattering of agreement. Lan Wangji was apparently content to say nothing to defend himself, merely glaring at Sect Leader Yao as though that man was a particularly low-level corpse and Lan Wangji was going to eliminate him as this was the right thing but he would take no pleasure in doing it.
“What about this union is unnatural, exactly?” Wei Wuxian drawled. “The necromancy or the cut sleeves?”
“Surely both?” Sect Leader Yao said with a chuckle. He looked around, clearly expecting agreement from the majority of the hall, but it seemed that at least some of them had the good sense to not draw attention to themselves.
“Why both?”
Jiang Cheng stood as he spoke, drawing everyone’s attention. Jin Ling frowned. His uncle hated drawing attention to himself at these kinds of things. He said nothing good ever came of it. He preferred to sit quietly and let others weather the rumours and accusations that always swirled at this kind of event.
“Ah, sect leader Jiang. Surely you see that there might be problems with such a union. It’s certainly unconventional.”
“Well, I’m not entirely happy with some of our conventions,” Jiang Cheng said, looking around the hall. His eyes landed on Jin Ling for a second and Jin Ling wanted to sink back into the gold chair he was sat on, the chair his uncle and grandfather before him had ruled from. “If it makes the chief cultivator and the Yiling Patriarch happy to marry then why not just let them? They aren’t hurting you by doing it, sect leader Yao.”
“An attack against convention hurts us all,” Sect leader Yao said, obviously meaning to sound wise but sounding more pompous. “You can say what you want, sect leader, but would you marry a man? Could you accept being the wife? Why should we accept that of our chief cultivator who clearly does everything asked of him by his future husband.”
Jin Ling stood up. This had gone on quite long enough, he was going to stop it if he had to cancel the entire feast and send everyone back to separate quest quarters.
Then there was a voice from the back of the Lan sect.
“Why would he have to be the wife? Why would anyone have to be the wife, when it’s two men?”
Lan Jingyi stood. He looked angry, which was never a good look on him.
“And what would even be wrong with being the wife? Surely if you see a wife as someone who just does what you tell her too, that’s your problem.”
“Ah, Sect Leader Jiang,” Sect Leader Yao said, eyes smiling and teeth sharp. “Is this one going to be your wife?”
“Maybe I am.” Lan Jingyi said. Jin Ling sank back into his seat. It was all out of his hands now. He didn’t think even demanding his guards drag them all back to their rooms out diffuse this.
“Was that an announcement?” Wei Wuxian asked, clearly having the time of his life. Sect Leader Yao spluttered. “I didn’t know any formal negotiations had taken place between the Lan and the Jiang sects.”
“Maybe they should,” Lan Jingyi said, glancing across the room towards Jin Ling’s uncle. “Maybe, now, I’m ready for that.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that now?” Jiang Cheng asked, voice sharp, “And you’re not just making stupid choices because you’re angry.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Lan Jingyi said, meeting Jiang Cheng’s eye.
Jin Ling was going to have to burn the hall down. He was never going to be able to walk through the door again without imagining this terrible scene.
“Then Jiang clan wishes to formally begin negotiations.”
Lan Wangji nodded as though he’d been expecting this for a while and it was entirely reasonable. And hell, maybe he had. Jin Ling wasn’t an idiot, he could read the subtext of the conversation. His uncle had asked Lan Jingyi about marriage before and Lan Jingyi had turned him down.
And had apparently chosen the middle of a discussion conference as the right time to change his mind.
A nervous chuckle ran through the room, and then a smattering of applause. Wei Wuxian stood.
“Well, some good news. I would like to drink to the future happiness of Sect Leader Jiang and Lan Jingyi. Won’t you all join me?”
Slowly, people stood, raising their bowls to drink. Lan Jingyi was shuffling out of the Lan section and sent to stand next to Jiang Cheng. Next to Jin Ling’s uncle. Who he was now going to marry. Fuck, Lan Jingyi was going to marry his uncle.
And Jiang Cheng smiled.
It wasn’t that his uncle never smiled, he smiled a lot. A twisted, sardonic kind of smile, as though he knew the world was going to be terrible and whatever had happened had just confirmed that for him. Or a restrained smile, when he actually liked something but didn’t want you to know he liked it. Or the smile he made when he had to smile about something but didn’t want to.
This wasn’t any of those smiled. It was new and bright, and it made his uncle look young again.
And maybe Lan Jingyi wasn’t the worst person in the world after all if he could put that smile onto Jiang Cheng’s face. Maybe.
He knew discussion conferences were a mistake.
He made himself lift his bowl to drink. Whatever else he was thinking, he wasn’t going to act against his uncle publicly like that. He’d track him down later and try to convince him that the entire thing was a mistake, probably.
For now, he signalled for the kitchen to start bringing food out quickly and for someone to make sure Sect Leader Yao was shuffled away into a corner, and tried his best to keep his eyes away from where his uncle and Lan Jingyi were accepting congratulations, their hands joined, his uncle actually smiling.
+
The day of his uncle’s wedding, Jin Ling made himself suck it up and act happy.
He wasn’t happy, of course. He’d made two decent attempts to convince his uncle that this was a ridiculous idea and been shot down both times. He’d just accepted that he was going to have to let his uncle make this mistake and be there to help him after.
So he dressed in his best robes and he watched his uncle and Lan Jingyi take their three bows, both dressed in wedding red and apparently unable to stop smiling. He sat next to Wei Wuxian, which he hated less than he thought he would, the two of them being the only surviving members of Jiang Cheng’s family. He tried his best to get along with Wei Wuxian, which wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Wei Wuxian was full of witty little observations and stories about his uncle’s childhood and Jin Ling found himself thinking that visiting at Cloud recesses, once all the weddings were done, and spending a little time getting to know this uncle might not be so bad.
He even let Lan Jingyi pour him a cup of tea, accepting is with all dignity and then watching as he uncle also performed the ceremony for Lan Jingyi’s family, an event that took much longer.
Then there was feasting and finally, thankfully, alcohol.
As a rule, Jin Ling didn’t indulge but sometimes it was the only thing to do.
He had perhaps had a little too much, or perhaps it was just the food and the surprisingly good company and general air of excitement going to his head, but when Lan Jingyi appeared at his shoulder he didn’t immediately panic as he should have.
“Hello there, nephew,” Lan Jingyi said. Jin Ling cringed.
“Never call me that again.”
“You’re so mean to your uncle,” Lan Jingyi said, dropping into a recently vacated space next to Jin Ling. “And I’ve been so nice to you. Don’t worry, I’ll take responsibility for raising you like my own child.”
“Like fuck you will,” Jin Ling growled, though he couldn’t find it in himself to be really angry. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have other people to bother?”
“I just wanted to talk to you,” Lan Jingyi said. He leant forward, propping his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. “We never talk. I think we should. I think we could be good friends.”
Jin Ling snorted.
“No, don’t. I mean it. I mean, you’re a spoilt little princess and I know you hate me but, look, you love your uncle, right?”
“Of course I do,” Jin Ling said, glaring at Lan Jingyi.
“Right. And I love him too. So we should be friends. Even if we don’t really like each other, we should be friends for him, right? Because it’s going to make him happy if we can get along with each other and, Jin Ling, I will do anything to make your uncle happy.”
“Anything?”
“Anything. I let him spend two hours the other day complaining to me about sect politics. I read like a million letters complaining about everything in the world because it makes him mad to read them and he really doesn’t need to read them all so I filter out the rubbish. I make sure I find him good night hunts and that he actually goes on them because he really enjoys night hunts. I even, well, look, you don’t need to know about everything but, oh, I know, I let the dog sleep on the damn bed. It always pulls the blankets off my feet and I hate that and once it slept on my chest and I dreamed that a fierce corpse was suffocating me then woke up with dog hair in my mouth. But Jiang Cheng likes it so the dog sleeps on the bed, Jin Ling. That’s how much I want your uncle to be happy.”
Jin Ling looked at his uncle.
Maybe he should have realised, as a child, that his uncle was lonely. He was lonely himself, after all. Perhaps the part of him that had craved a mother, a father, close connection, should have felt that part in his uncle. Maybe it had, maybe that was why he’d begged to be allowed to visit Lotus Pier, why times spent with this uncle had always meant so much more than time spent with anyone else.
Now, his uncle was smiling. It wasn’t the full-bodied smile he’d worn when he’d accepted Lan Jingyi’s stupid discussion conference proposal but it was more real than any smile Jin Ling remembered from before his uncle had met Lan Jingyi.
And didn’t he just want his uncle to be happy, too? Maybe, if his uncle could be happy, Jin Ling would be able to be happy someday too. Maybe if his uncle could find someone to love him, sometimes to make him smile, Jin Ling would be able to find that.
He uncle looked over. He noticed Jin Ling watching him and his smile brightened, then he noticed Lan Jingyi sat there and his smile became radiant.
Fuck.
“Deal.”
“What?”
“It’s a deal. I don’t like you, but I’ll be friends with you. For my uncle.”
“Thank you, Jin Ling,” Lan Jingyi said, then ruined the moment by throwing himself into Jin Ling’s arms. Jin Ling shoved him away but found himself laughing, especially when Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Sizhui suddenly appeared and joined them in a strange dogpile which turned into a kind of wresting until Jiang Cheng appeared to reclaim his husband and tell them to stop making a scene.
That night, when everyone else was asleep, Jin Ling snuck Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen out to see the lotus lakes at night.
It was good.
+
Jin Ling didn’t remember his mother.
He told himself that he did, sometimes. He told himself he remembered being held in her arms and loved. That he remembered her scent of the way that she’d smiled at him or the sound of her voice as she sang him to sleep but he didn’t remember her, not really.
He missed her, of course, but he didn’t remember here.
His uncle remembered her, and that was why Jin Ling hated her birthday.
He didn’t know why it was always worse than the anniversary of her death. He supposed that, then, he couldn’t avoid it. Her death was still marked at both Lotus Pier and Koi Tower. One of his earliest memories was of paying respect to her tablet on the anniversary of her death.
That was fine. It hurt but it was an old hurt, one he’d carried for his entire life. Her birthday was worse because it was only him and his uncle.
He landed at Lotus Pier mid-afternoon and found his uncle and Lan Jingyi drinking tea in the formal receiving room. His uncle looked like he’d swallowed something particularly sour tasting, like he used to look all the time before Lan Jingyi crashed into their lives. Lan Jingyi was sat sensibly, not lounging or making noise, which made the entire thing even worse.
His uncle didn’t say anything, just left Lan Jingyi where he was and lead Jin Ling to the hall of ancestors.
They lit their incense and knelt.
At first, they prayed in silence. When he was very small, that was all that’d done. He’d hated it even then but he’d knelt and prayed and then one of his nannies had taken him away to play. As he’d grown older, he’d been made to stay for longer and longer. They burnt stick of incense after stick of incense in intense silence, the day sliding away outside, his uncle staring at the table.
When he’d been younger, Jin Ling had used the time to have conversations in his head with his mother. He’d told her everything he’d done that year, about his hopes for the future, about his hopes for her, wherever she was.
Then, when he’d got older, he hadn’t dared to do that in case it somehow ruined his uncle’s intense grief.
This year, he watched his uncle out of the corner of his eye. He watched as he covered his expression, as he focused entirely on the table and blocked out the rest of the world.
He thought about how much had changed since the year before, about Guanyin temple and Lan Jingyi and the night hunt he’d been on the week before with Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen and some of the other juniors.
And he spoke to his mother, quietly, in his head, but with hope.
Soon after the sunset, Lan Jingyi joined them.
He knelt and lit a stick of incense. Jiang Cheng didn’t even react and Jin Ling frowned at that, his stupid uncle always reacted to Lan Jingyi.
His uncle’s incense ran down. He lit another. Lan Jingyi’s ran down. He let is sit. When Jiang Cheng’s ran down again and he went to reach for another, Lan Jingyi took his hand to stop him.
“Hey,” he said, softly, daring to speak when Jin Ling couldn’t. “Let’s go get some dinner, okay?”
“I can’t,” Jiang Cheng said. He sounded like he was going to cry and Jin Ling looked away. He couldn’t watch his uncle cry. Then he’d cry too and it’d be terrible. “I have to be here.”
“You’ve been here all day, A-Cheng. Come on, let’s go get some food. All three of us. Then maybe you can tell us about her?”
“I can’t.”
“Senior Wei told us stories about her sometimes, at the cloud recesses, but you never talk about her. If you don’t want to, it’s okay, but from the things senior Wei says about her, I don’t think she’d be glad to see you like this. She’d want you to remember the good things about her life, not just how it ended.”
“What if I can’t remember the good things any more?” Jiang Cheng asked, his voice breaking, and Jin Ling found himself reaching across to grab his uncle’s free hand, the only Lan Jingyi wasn’t already holding.
“Then tell us what you can and we’ll help you remember.”
“I’d like it if you told me about her,” Jin Ling said, feeling stupidly brave for breaking the silence. “I feel like everything I know about her comes from other people. I’d like to hear it from you.”
Jiang Cheng didn’t say anything for the longest time, and Jin Ling thought he was just going to sit there all night like they usually did, then he climbed unsteadily to his feet, not letting go of either of their hands so they had to stand with him.
“Fine, let’s get some food.”
Jin Ling smiled.
They ate in Jiang Cheng and Lan Jingyi’s room, the servants slipping in and out like shadows. It took a while for his uncle to start talking but, when he did, it was like he couldn’t stop. He talked about childhood pranks and silly arguments and bowls of soup. He talked about the warmth of her hug and the endless care she had for everyone and everything and how she’d make every person she spoke to feel special. He told them about the summer where she’d broken her leg and he and Wei Wuxian had waited on her hand and foot and how, after his first heartbreak, she’d sat beside his bed and stroked his hair and sung to him.
The moon was high when he finally ran out of stories and Jin Ling had never felt so full. He wanted to run away and write them all down, to remember them forever just in case his uncle could never share them again. He wanted to stay here forever in this moment of closeness, with the mother he’d never known hovering in the shadows.
Jiang Cheng looked over and met his eyes. There were tears there, Jin Ling was sure there were tears in the corners of his eyes too.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before.” Jiang Cheng said.
Jin Ling nodded. There was a lot of wanted to say but, when he opened his mouth, the words that came out were, “Than you for telling me now.”
His uncle smiled.
“Alright, that’s enough for tonight,” Lan Jingyi said, slowly climbing to his feet. “Sleep. Jin Ling, can you make it back to your room? Do you want to crash here We can make you a bed on the floor?” So he wouldn’t have to be alone. He didn’t want to be alone.
But he could see the tiredness in his uncle’s frame, the way he was sagging. His uncle wanted to curl up in his bed with his husband and be held and, for the first time, Jin Ling understood that. And he didn’t want to get between them. He wanted that for his uncle. He wanted him to be loved, cared for and, well, maybe Lan Jingyi wasn’t the worst person in the world to do that.
And Jin Ling wouldn’t be alone for long, anyway. He was setting out for another night hunt in the morning with his friends.
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll see you in the morning, Uncle. Jingyi.”
“Goodnight, A-Ling,” his uncle said. And then Jin Ling left them, reaching for each other, and headed out into the night.
*
The next morning, Jin Ling woke early. He packed his things then made his way towards his uncle's rooms.
The door was cracked open a little and he could hear his uncle talking, complaining, almost sounding like himself again. Lan Jingyi replied, something glib and light, and Jiang Cheng laughed.
Jin Ling paused outside the door.
A year ago, he'd have barged in, disturbing whatever his uncle was doing and getting yelled at. A year ago, his uncle would be working by now, though it didn't sound very much like he was working as Jin Ling stood outside and listened. A year ago he and his uncle would have both shouted and snapped at each other, pushing each other away and having nowhere else to go.
Behind the door, Jiang Cheng laughed at something Lan Jingyi said.
Maybe Jingyi wasn't so terrible after all.
Jin Ling smiled. He could go into the room. He was sure neither of them would mind. Well, maybe a little, but not a lot. He'd be able to take breakfast with them and maybe his uncle wouldn't yell. Lan Jingyi would definitely do something inappropriate but that was expected by now, Jin Ling would be able to handle it.
Instead, he took his things and crept away again. He had friends to meet, monsters to hunt. He could spend time with his uncle later, for now he'd leave them here, together and happy and in love.