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A drunken mistake.
That’s all it was. A few too many drinks and far too many provoked threats thrown at each other. Waking up in a hotel bed isn’t a far cry from the mornings Kojiro’s used to. The light peeking through closed curtains, the very prominent throb of a hangover making its way to his head. But waking up with another man? In this setting it was unheard of. He’d never sat up faster than that moment at six AM. There is a man in bed with him. A man which Kojiro probably—now, Kojiro was one-hundred percent sure he was into women the last time he checked—most likely fucked. Memories from last night flood his mind as he collects himself.
Shit.
He looks over. Out of all the men he could’ve fucked, he fucked the one and only A.I. skater, Cherry Blossom, which also just happens to be his childhood ex-best friend. Just perfect. Pink hair splays across the pillow, eyes shut in a relatively peaceful sleep. Kojiro wished he looked that elegant while sleeping. He never really gotten along with the guy—even before their falling out, they’d always argue. Kojiro mentally cursed again.
He gets out of the bed and picks his clothes up off of the floor. It was his skating attire but it’ll do. He heads towards the shower.
Turning it on, Kojiro runs over the events of last night. How the hell did it get to this outcome? Sure, he fucks around, but it’s not out of the blue. At least with that, girls would make a move, hit on him—it’d be prepared hours before. This on the other hand, was out of the blue. Fuck, he really shouldn’t have thrown a drunken, “oh, you wanna kiss me so bad,” as a threat. Kojiro hadn’t expected it. The pink haired male only ever showed disgust, glares, and occasionally tolerance to him. It’d been a long time since they’d last been “friends.” When they talked, all that ever happened was useless bickering and trash talk. Kojiro had never expected him to kiss him in response to that. Then again, Kaoru tasted like whiskey, and they both weren’t in their right minds.
He turns off the shower and slips into his clothes from the night before. Looking in the mirror, he doesn’t look too much like shit. (Except for the scratch marks on his back—he didn’t think Kaoru was into that, but he guesses he’s changed over the years.)
“For someone who says he’d never fucked a man before, you did good.”
Kojiro spares a glance to look at Kaoru. His long hair is a mess, and hickies and bites making their marks loud and proud against his pale skin. Shit, Kaoru was right, the sex must’ve been good. He isn’t one to leave marks unless it really had gotten that escalated.
“I’m glad you liked it.”
A silence falls in between them. They hadn’t been alone in a room since high school. It’s weird. Kojiro knows how to treat women after one-night stands. You leave before they get a chance to ask what you are and essentially crush their hopes of being with you. But Kaoru? He’s not a woman, nor some random guy, Kojiro isn’t even sure what to do now except to run. Patting down his clothes, he spares one last look at Kaoru. “I’ll get going now. See you at ‘S’ I guess.”
“Kojiro.”
He stops. “We are not going to talk about this, we are not going to bring this up. This is just a mistake after all.” Kaoru says. Kojiro almost lets out a laugh, “Yeah, I wouldn’t want anyone else to hear about this too.”
He exits from the room, shutting the door behind him softly. Kaoru probably knows well enough that if they left at the same time something would begin brewing on S forums. Kojiro tsks and heads out of the hotel. His apartment shouldn’t be too far away from here. He’ll cook up something to make the hangover lighter. (For a split second, he thought he’d make some food for Kaoru as an apology before immediately dismissing it.) He’s going to forget this, and never bring it up; just like Kaoru asked.
If he’s going to do anything for Kaoru out of his sheer consciousness, it’s this.
Kojiro doesn’t see Kaoru at Crazy Rock for a good month or two after that. Usually, the higher-ranked contestants in S have certain days they’d appear, but he hadn’t shown up for the past five weeks he was supposed to. Kojiro collapses against the back of the car seat. He curses. “God, why did I do that? Why? Why? Why?” He checks his phone, a Friday. No work later today. He’ll drop by S real quick to see if that new kid with crazy talent is there. Never found out his name but he’s some Canadian with talent he hasn’t seen in years. He’s good. Kojiro will enjoy the challenge and crush him afterwards. “Fuck, I’ll need to get my clothes for tonight.”
He has a routine at S. Beat some of the other skaters, go around with a few girls, have sex, head back home at 2 AM. It’s a playboy’s schedule to say the least. Kojiro unlocks the door of his apartment, grabs his board and clothes, and then heads back to his car. Kojiro has a good few hours or so before S starts, so he might as well buy some ingredients for some recipes he’s been meaning to try.
When Kojiro finally sees Kaoru at S, he isn’t particularly proud to say he is happy seeing him there. For a second, he genuinely thinks that he might’ve done something wrong. The apology of food is genuinely something he considers taking out of the mental trash bin in his brain. A grin makes its way to his face without him knowing as he approaches Kaoru. “Hey.”
Kaoru looks up, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you want?”
“Nothing! Just wondered if you wanted to go for a round or two.” He gestures at the road. Kaoru merely rolls his eyes and grabs his board. “Fine.”
“I’m guessing that’s a yes?”
“It is.” Kaoru looks back at him, his eyes confident. He can imagine the smirk on his face underneath the mask. “I’ll fucking rail you hard this time.”
Kojiro can barely process the threat before Kaoru was already making his way ahead. Grabbing his own board he hurries to follow the pink-haired skater. “Fuck you! I’ll be sure to beat you this time around.” All he gets is a middle finger and is left behind to catch him.
God, he really does hate Kaoru, he really does.
He waves at a few of his fans, basking in the attention as he catches up with Kaoru. “Seriously, you should give more fanservice towards your fanbase. You’d be more popular.”
“I’m not one to care about things like that. My fans are aware that I put everything into the art of artificial intelligence along with skateboarding, and that’s all that matters to me.”
“Damn. That’s some poetic shit but not for me. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want the attention from all the girls,” he waves at the crowd of girls, “It’s the fucking best.”
Kaoru only seemed to be getting more and more irritated by the moment. “You forget that I don’t even swing that way.”
That shut him up. Right, not everyone’s into girls.
Kojiro quickly changes the topic, “Anyways, which damn route are we—“
“Carla, calculate the angle of the next turn.” Kojiro shuts his mouth. He really can’t even talk to his sworn rival whatsoever? He hates Kaoru. He absolutely hates him.
“And we’ll go the usual for quickies like this.” Kojiro sputters a bit, almost losing balance. By the time he’s regained himself, Kaoru is raising a brow. “I’m aware that you’re a fuckboy, but I didn’t think your mind is that indecent.”
“My mind is not that indecent, I just—I just skated over a rock. And stop fucking cutting me off!” A small lie that doesn’t pass Kaoru. “Like hell I’d believe that. Hurry up, this round is almost up and it’ll be our turn. Wouldn’t want you to fall behind for being a turtle.” Kojiro merely scowls before making his way towards Kaoru. A few girls squeal as he makes his way to the starting line. He smiles and waves.
The traffic light refurbished to work as the countdown begins, the red lights making themselves known as the crowd feels the tension rise. Kojiro glances over to Kaoru, who is fully in the zone, the lack of trash talk saying more than anything else. Kojiro puts his eyes back on the road. It’s green.
They start and the feeling that comes along is the best. Their audience roars in excitement. Everyone’s eyes are on him and his rival. Their rivalry catches the eyes of everyone. (Though the specifics of their past is often looked over, which, thank God, it is.) It’s the thrill as they head down the slopes and turns of the abandoned mine. The danger, the speed, it’s everything. Kojiro lets out a laugh, “God, I fucking missed this! It really isn’t the same if I’m not fighting against your stupid degrees and speed!”
“Didn’t think you’d miss me that much because I sure as hell didn’t.”
“Hah! I could care less about that! God, I missed beating your ass at races, Kaoru.”
“You fucking asshole, I told you not to call me that. And I wouldn’t suggest you get too ahead of yourself. Carla, what are the statistics of the upcoming terrain?”
Kojiro smirks. He didn’t miss Kaoru, he just missed the thrill and excitement that came with going against him. After all, he still hates him. Though, no one ever seemed to match with him in races like this. There’s something in just going against someone who’s a complete one-eighty to you. And it’s a thrilling and fresh feeling. As the ground begins to steep, Kojiro and Kaoru are close—Kaoru’s ahead and then again Kojiro makes his way through. Both of them sprinkle a few tricks in, Kojiro with a few flips and Kaoru with some complicated smart-board projection move. Despite Kaoru’s absence, the pink-haired male is still in top shape (if not better) and manages to snag the win.
“Told you, that you shouldn’t have thought too ahead of yourself. How’s it feeling to lose, fuckboy?”
“Fine, guess you’re right there. I’ll let you have it this time, first beef since you got back from your one month absence and all. It’s all just stupid luck.” There’s a glint in Kaoru’s eyes, his hair flows elegantly behind him. If Kojiro hadn’t noticed it back then, he definitely noticesit by now.
“As if. Carla, how many wins does that give me against this fucking loser?” Kaoru’s board lights up, “Five-hundred-fifty-eight to five-hundred-thiry-seven, forty-six ties according to the statistics. Is this the info you asked for?” Kojiro watches as Kaoru visibly smiles and thanks Carla. It’s a shame he only ever smiles when he’s winning or talking to whatever artificial intelligence he’s made. “We’ll see if you’ll ever beat that, Joe.”
“Are you crazy? You’re really forgetting I had a lead of thirteen before you pulled your first win.” Kaoru’s smile drops as he picks up his board.
“And that was years ago, you dimwit. Weren’t you just some lousy delinquent of a kid then?”
Kojiro nearly falls off his board, choking on saliva along the way, but catches himself. “I was eighteen and I was not a lousy delinquent.”
“Don’t try to fight with me, you ass. We both know you slept through half of your classes.” He visibly gawks and starts preparing a comeback only to get swarmed by girls. The crowd only pushes the distance between them. Kojiro merely puts on a smile and his most charming voice. It’s a facade that’s backed by his assets. He subconsciously wishes he could talk to Kaoru for longer, for a second—after all, the only semblance of friendship they shared was years ago.
But of course, arguing with your rival and proving your dominance to said rival shouldn’t be the top priority for a playboy.
Kojiro wishes he doesn’t know exactly how he wound up in this situation.
But he’s here again, grinding against Kaoru in an abandoned alleyway, Kaoru on top of him. It’s the alcohol making his body move. Liquid intoxication with a strong aftertaste of lust. He’d approached Kaoru, thrown a few insults, and it was a blur from there. Kojiro lets low moan escape. “Shit… Just like that…” He can feel Kaoru’s hard-on through his own jeans, not like he was any different. Every siren in his head was blaring loudly in his head because fuck, he doesn’t do second rounds. Even less with someone who hated his guts. This was supposed to be a one time thing, but fucking hell, he’s here again with his lips against Kaoru’s and it feels so fucking good.
Kojiro has kissed his fair share of girls, but Kaoru’s technique is something else entirely. This isn’t pure submission, this isn’t pure dominance, it’s pure desire. And shit, Kojiro doesn’t want this liquid courage to go away. Putting aside their past and rivalry, they’re on top of each other like it was nothing. It’s not a languid dance nor is it an awkward mouth mashing, but a high Kojiro doesn’t want to come down from.
Kaoru tastes like whiskey. Kojiro opens his eyes and takes a look at his neck—the marks are still there. Fading, but they’re there. Fuck, I did that. Something in him flips on, he doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or lust driving him. He trails down Kaoru’s neck with kisses, biting every so often. The bruising would show up like a stop sign on Kaoru’s skin. His reaction is absolutely everything—it’s beautiful. Kojiro wants to praise him, tell him he’s doing good, but he’s not one to spoil. He looks into Kaoru’s eyes as he sucks another hickey onto him; his eyes are half-lidded, glazed in lust.
“Fuck Kaoru—I want to fuck you right now, but shit, we’re in an alleyway and I don’t have condoms—“ Kaoru pulls him in, cutting him off. “Stop overthinking. You brought your car, right? We’ll fuck there.” Kojiro stares at him. That was hot. “You forgot I can be the more dominating one, didn’t you?” He says it as if it were a challenge. Kojiro’s grip on Kaoru’s hair tightens, pulling him in closer. “Are you trying to make this harder for me than it already is?” Yet he only smirks, “And what if I am?”
Kojiro crashes his lips against Kaoru for what feels like the thousandth time that night. Kaoru always had a way of riling him up, but with intoxicating lust rushing through his veins, he could care less.
He curses as he felt his hangover and the realization he’d broken his one rule hits him.
Kojiro is in a hotel room again. He looks to where Kaoru would have been sleeping, but— ah. Empty. The comforter and pillow have been neatly placed over where Kaoru had been laying the night before.
Shit. We did seven rounds last night.
Kojiro remembers it vividly. A few rounds in his car, a few rounds in the hotel room after they’d checked in. He curses again. Why the hell is he fucking the same guy, over and over? Why does his drunken self go to the pink haired male and just start making out with him? Why the hell is his mind doing that? More or less, why did Kaoru not push him off? But then again, sex with Kaoru was so fucking unreal . He doesn’t want this, whatever they are, to stop.
Maybe Kojiro’s just inexperienced with guys. He is straight after all, with the only exception being he’s fucked a guy twice by now. Kaoru has probably had experience with other men after they’d drifted apart. It makes sense. Kojiro tries to reason with himself. He’s not into dicks, he’d never suck Kaoru’s dick if it ever came to that. He’s straight, fucking Kaoru is the only exception.
He gets up regardless of the throb the hangover gives him. He needs a shower.
Looking at the mirror, Kojiro’s eyes widen at the sight. He looks wrecked after sex, and he was the one topping. Scratch marks, hickeys, bite marks, all liter his skin, barely leaving room for mercy. Kojiro’s very aware they make quite a mess of each other during sex, but fuck. He remembers doing minimal clean up, and here he is looking like he just had the best sex he’s ever had. (Thinking back it really was probably the best sex he’d ever had.)
Kojiro starts the shower and lets the cold water fall over him. He’s sober, but he’s starting to question just how this is the reality. They’d grown apart after something. Kojiro still didn’t know what the hell he’d done to make Kaoru abandon him like that. Weren’t they friends before? Was it because he turned out and into a playboy? Regardless, something happened at the first semester of college that just made their friendship disappear into oblivion.
He shouldn’t be wallowing over the past. Right now, only thing between them are the times they fuck. He just has to fuck a few girls and he’ll be back to normal. The ever-fleeting thought of ‘it’s not going to be good as it is with Kaoru’ passes his mind for a split second. Running a hand through his hair, he tries to collect himself. He won’t think about this right now, he has a restaurant to tend to later.
(Kojiro takes back what he said last night. He does miss Kaoru—he misses being able to stay in a room with him and just be his friend.)
Being wasted on a Saturday night is always the excuse.
It’s the excuse for when Kojiro does quite literally the dumbest shit and Kojiro lives by that. As long as drunk him doesn’t do anything too illegal, he should be fine. Afterall, the alcohol never really kicks in until after drink seven. By then, he’s barely even tipsy.
He looks around. The parties at S are fucking insane. Fully underground, lights flash, music blaring out of the speakers. It’s just the crazy bullshit you’d find down here, up until five AM. Kojiro chugs whatever’s left in his cup before sliding it over back to the waiter. He’s had enough for tonight.
Going home isn’t an option. He feels like having fun tonight—or he did until he spotted a certain pink haired skater. A smirk makes its way to his lips. Had he been sober, he would’ve known to keep his mouth shut and go on. But drunk Kojiro? All sorts of logic like that is thrown in the air. It’s gone, never to be seen until he’s sober. He heads over to the table Kaoru sat at.
“Didn’t expect you here.”
Kaoru turns around, face flushed. “What the hell do you want?” Kojiro puts his hands up. He pulls up a seat and sits next to him. “Nothing! Just saw you and thought I’d say hi, Kaoru.” Kaoru merely glares at him before taking another shot. Kojiro turns and faces him. “Would’ve expected to see you getting wasted somewhere more… elegant than this.”
“Are you insulting my choices of where I choose to drink, right now? Just let me drink in peace, goddammit.”
“Really? Damn, I thought we were close enough for us to talk.” Kaoru sets his glass down. “You really think that? Is your head stuck in your ass?”
“Of course not. You hate me, I hate you—how we feel towards each other is entirely mutual.”
“Then why the hell are you bothering me right now?”
“For fun. Your reactions are entertaining.”
“You son of a bitch, you really—“ Kaoru composes himself. Heflags over the nearest waiter. “Give me your strongest drink, I need it.”
“You really planned to get wasted tonight, huh?”
“Originally didn’t, you cunt. We’ve been friends damn long enough that you know I don’t just show up to places like this. Fucking dammit, I need that drink. I can’t deal with you sober.” Kojiro lets out a bitter laugh. Really? Kaoru and him as friends? Fucking bullshit that’s what it was. “Sometimes I wonder if the ten years we actually were on better terms existed.” Kaoru sends Kojiro a glare. “Ten years of my life wasted, that’s what it was.” Kojiro rolls his eyes.
“Ouch. You really hate me that much don’t you?” But it goes onto deaf ears, Kaoru’s drink arrives and he downs it in one go. He nearly spits it back out, “That’s disgustingly strong.”
“It’s what you ordered, Kaoru.” He merely looks away. “You know what? Let’s make this a contest. We hold our alcohol well enough for us to barely be tipsy right now. Whoever drinks the most without being wasted wins.” Kojiro smiles, accepting the challenge.
It’s around ten drinks later till they’re both barely holding on. Though, it’s Kaoru who inevitably becomes shit-faced drunk. “You…” Kaoru slurs. “You’re… such a fucking enemy to the state.” Kojiro raises a brow, “I’m a law-abiding citizen, thank you very much.” Kaoru shakes his head viciously, God, Kojiro knows Kaoru’s far from sober. “You, Nanjo Kojiro, should be fucking illegal. Your entire existence should be not legal whatsoever. Like what the actual fuck, Kojiro? Illegal, illegal, illegal. Absolutely illegal, go to hell.” Kojiro gets up and slides a few one thousand yen bills to the waiter.
“Alright Kaoru, I’m not as drunk as you are right now—Get up, strawberry.”
“Don’t call me that! I’m a cherry, cher-ry. Where’s Carla? She’ll prove that I am a cherry not a disgusting strawberry—” Kojiro pulls Kaoru up, “There we go, sweetheart.” Kaoru stumbles a bit before collapsing onto Kojiro’s chest. “Ah. This is why you’re the enemy of the state.” Kojiro’s amused, this fucker’s annoying but entertaining when drunk. “And why is that?”
Kaoru grabs his face in both of his hands, pulling at his cheeks. “You’re so, so, so handsome. You’re a fucking asshole. And I absolutely hate your pretty little face. I want to punt you into the ground. It’s unfair, all you do is stay in the kitchen and the damn gym. Why. Are. You. Unreasonably. Beautiful? Also, I just noticed this now but your tits are massive.” Kojiro stifles a laugh. “They’re pecs, not tits.”
“No, no, no, tiddies. These are massive tiddies. Kojiro, you have massive tiddies.” Kojiro lets out a laugh as Kaoru continues mumbling about how he’s the founder of the ‘Big Tiddie Committee.’ “You’re not the first to point out my very ‘massive tiddies.’ Is your place near here?” Kojiro looks down, “Kaoru?” But Kaoru merely stares at him, specifically his lips. Kojiro couldn’t help himself when he felt the tease making its way out of his mouth. (Good job, Drunk Kojiro, good fucking job.)
“You want to kiss me that badly, huh?”
“And what if I do?” It takes Kojiro off guard but he only smirks lazily in response. “Then fucking do it.”
It happens more times than Kojiro would like to admit. Across the small span of four months, specifically.
They’ve kept it to mostly making out, but recently going all the way has been happening more and more often. Especially more rounds rather than one. Hell, this past month has been his day job, skateboarding and fucking Kaoru. That’s just all it’s been ever since the initial drunken accident that had started it all.
He doesn’t know why he and Kaoru are together every time they get tipsy to the point they decide on an impromptu fuck session. Sure, the sex is good, but how in the ever loving fuck they got to the point their clothes are off is still something Kojiro wonders. Everytime it happens, in a sense it’s like something from the past is there. Though this fucked up version of a “friendship” probably isn’t something that should be kept up. Kojiro’s seen enough of these relationships crash and burn faster than he can whip up a dish.
It’s on another night where they’re fucking in another nameless hotel that, maybe, some clarification does happen.
“Kojiro.” He could only tiredly hum in response. The alcohol has worn off by now, and all that was left was the silence of the night. They placed a pillow in between each other. They’d gone harder this time compared to before. Kojiro wasn’t even aware Kaoru was that flexible. “We… We need to come up with a set of rules if this is going to keep on happening.” Kojiro turns to face Kaoru, pushing down the pillow to see him. They both cleaned up but still reeked of sex. “What do you mean?”
Kaoru scowls, pointing to both of them, “ This. ” Kojiro’s mind catches up to where they are. “Oh, our fuck sessions?” Kaoru sighs. Kojiro misses seeing his dramatic reactions to everything. Kaoru always had something to say in every situation, objectively it was rather cute.
“Yes. Our fuck sessions. If this is going to continue, the least we could do is, I don’t know—probably set boundaries to this?” Sarcasm seeps deep into Kaoru’s voice. “Like is this only going to happen on the spur of the moment or will we actually talk it out like adults?” Kojiro lets out a laugh, Kaoru’s eyes are still on him. “Sorry, I just—I just realized you really haven’t changed much, have you?”
“I like to think that I’m different from eight year old me, thank you very much.”
Kojiro can’t help but smile. “Yeah, you really are. But right, rules. Any kinks I need to be aware of or are you just chill with everything?” Kojiro watches as Kaoru’s face flushes. “I meant rules as in how often we do this, and if we could go straight to it instead of being drunk everytime we do this.” Kojiro’s smile falters a bit, right. Everytime they fuck, there’s always the prerequisite of being tipsy. “I personally don’t mind how many times in a week this happens, but if you want to fuck fully sober, I’d appreciate a heads up. I’m up for anything, really. Oh! Feel free to crash at my place too.”
“Kojiro, I don’t know where you live, or your number for that matter” Oh right.
(Back when they were friends, when they were attached to the hip—they had each other’s numbers memorized. Kojiro had forgotten Kaoru had long blocked his old number.)
“I’ll give that to you in the morning, so don’t leave before I wake up this time, okay?” Kaoru merely rolls his eyes and turns around. His back was covered in hickies and bite marks from earlier ago, and damn, did it look good. “Hey Kaoru, before you sleep, is there anything I shouldn’t do? Or, is there anything you want me to do? I mean, it’s only fair to make this enjoyable for you.” Kaoru stays silent, most likely pondering a response. An idea comes to Kojiro. “Kaoru, baby, I’m going to kiss you if you don’t say anything.” Kaoru’s ears turn the color of his hair, bingo .
“Don’t fucking say that!”
“I’m guessing you like pet names then, Kaoru dearest.”
“Stop that, oh my God. You are still insufferable as ever.”
“Of course, I am. Oh, I also genuinely don’t mind anything so feel free to do anything other than food-play and I’ll enjoy it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Night, Kojiro.”
“Goodnight, Kaoru.”
And just like that it was lights off. Had their conversation been anything other than sex, Kojiro would say it almost was like their sleepovers back in junior high. He looked over one last time at Kaoru; he thinks things will get better between them.
Yet he only wakes up to a sticky note with numbers written in print-like handwriting and an empty bed.
Kaoru left his number and address that night.
Kojiro’s disappointed to say the least. (Here he was thinking their friendship could be mended that easily.) It stings a little bit, although it wasn’t a feeling he couldn’t suck up and push through. He gets up and throws on a clean t-shirt and sweatpants and heads to the kitchen. Kojiro’s going to bake some cakes. He just needs to focus his mind on something else because, God, oh God, why is Kaoru so fucking hard to read?
He remembers clearly, vividly even. Kojiro used to understand Kaoru so well to the point that he could almost read his mind. He recalls a time where they’d even be able to finish each other’s sentences without a problem. But here they are, a decade ahead from that time, and despite knowing each other for so long—it’s like they’re strangers. Strangers who hooked up in a club looking for a one night stand. Like that.
He decides that not participating S today would be best for his mind. Give himself a breather. Thank God, he hadn’t scheduled any beefs with anyone. It’s been six days since the last time they’d fucked, and he hasn't even sent a text to Kaoru yet. Hell, he hasn’t even seen him. Had this been highschool, they’d know where each other would be. Attached to the hip is what everyone used to describe them.
Kojiro grabs an empty bowl and opens his fridge. Perfectly stocked up for his normal needs but not for cakes. After he makes breakfast, it’s decided he’ll pass time with cake making. After all, Valentines’ Day was approaching, and his restaurant needed a special menu for that week. He quickly whips up an omelette perfected from years of the craft and sits down at his table. He mentally notes that he needs to clean up his living room.
Taking his phone out, he pulls up the pictures he’d taken of the recipes he’d found at his parents’ place. Old, crumpled up papers filled with recipes for Cassata, Semifreddo and Sfogliatelle were all hidden away in an old box his mother had forgotten about. “Oh those old things? Go ahead and take them, they’re your old Nan’s recipes!” Kojiro merely dramatically clutched his heart, pretending to be hurt after he’d found out that these were rotting away in an old box. He brainstorms as he finishes up his omelette. “We should probably also work to make our Panna Cotta a bit more appealing…” He mumbles off a list of Italian desserts he’ll need to master within a few weeks for the Valentine’s Day special menu.
With his omelette gone, he gets started.
The writing on the papers were difficult to read due to the faded ink and Italian written in cursive. Thank his mother for teaching him Italian when he was younger. “ Get FLOUR and BAKING POWDER, sift around three times, oh, a sponge cake recipe.” Kojiro looks over the main ingredients list, “ Sponge cake, six-fifty grams of Sheep’s milk ricotta, oh, we might need to order in bulk for that, two-hundred-twenty grams of Caster Sugar…” Kojiro looked over the ingredients and took mental note of what he’d need to buy. For now, he should focus on the sponge cake. He should have all of the ingredients for it.
Kojiro thinks about his current cake decorating skills and winces. There’s a reason he focuses on the full-course meals rather than desert. He pulls out the flour, a few clean bowls, slaps on an apron, and gets to work. By the time he’d put it in the oven, he’d made a small mess. “I don’t understand how bakeries do this on a daily…” He rummages around his refrigerator, looking for any spare fondant. “Huh. We’re out.” He gets up and grabs his phone.
Making his way out to his car, he says hi to the few grandmas living down his apartment complex, and pets the stray dogs that occasionally visit. To the grocery store it is. Fondant, sugar, vanilla extract, and other very specific ingredients make their way into Kojiro’s head. Kojiro puts the car in reverse and drives down to the nearby supermarket. (Might as well get some beer while he’s there too.)
Fondant was an easy thing to make. Marshmallows, water, vegetable shortening and powdered sugar. He might even get some coloring for it just to fit the occasion. Reds, pinks, whites, he’ll need it all for the Valentine’s special menu. He’s also very aware that his restaurant is a hot spot around February for dates. He remembers the pain and suffering that was trying to keep up with all the orders the first Valentine’s Day since opening the restaurant. He winces at the thought.
After grabbing the ingredients for the fondant, he heads to the fruits. For the aesthetics, you could say. A list of possibilities and colors fill his mind. Strawberries and chocolates are the basic go-to for cakes during Valentine’s. If not that, the fondant should be dyed baby pink, and they could work with raspberries and blueberries with an extra topping of white chocolate. Cherries, whipped cream and fondant with cocoa powder wouldn’t be too bad either.
Isn’t Kaoru’s alias Cherry though?
Kojiro nearly drops his basket. Shit, right, he’s trying out new recipes to get his mind off of whatever confusing shit he and Kaoru have. But it shouldn’t be confusing. Why is Kojiro even overthinking this? They’re fuckbuddies. Maybe friends. (He’s barely sure if they’re friends, to be completely honest.) He should really send a text to Kaoru, but as of now, he is in a Kaoru free-zone and he will not be spending time on this.
He grabs a bag of cherries and shuffles his way into a different section. He’s here for the fruits, he’s here for the fruits. Kojiro only sighs—it was a failed attempt at clearing his mind. Quickly paying for his ingredients he hurriedly makes his way back to his car. He didn’t realize how tense he was until hearing he’d almost snapped his car door off by just closing it.
Shit.
He needs to get back. The timer on his phone telling him he has twenty minutes before the sponge cake will be fully baked and ready for decoration. Kojiro has a good feeling it’s not gonna turn out to be the prettiest, but he at least has to try, right? He really should just stick to simply cooking main course meals.
In ten minutes and almost-getting-a-speeding-ticket’s time, he makes it back to his place. The grandma he’d said hi to an hour ago was still outside, tending to plants. She gives him a worried look. “Kojiro? You look like you just ran a marathon in jeans!”
Kojiro lets out a laugh. “No I didn’t actually do that, Granny. I went to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for cakes. I just… A few annoyances made their way during the trip, so that’s probably why I look like that.” Her eyes soften and she stands up. “Well, Kojiro, I hope it wasn’t anything too bad. If you ever want—you can come drop by the community house, we all bake on Saturday.” Kojiro smiles and grabs the remainder of the grocery bags. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you for the offer. If I have any extras, I’ll bring them down to you.”
“Ah, you’re such a sweet young man aren’t you! All the ladies must be swooning for you.” Kojiro knows well enough that he probably shouldn’t tell the downstairs granny that yes, that is indeed true, and much more happens than that. He smiles again and makes way to his apartment. “It’s nice talking to you, but I really have sponge cakes I need to tend to.”
He heads up the stairs. Apartment number twenty-three twenty-seven. He opens the door and the smell of cake fills the room. It should be golden by now. Kojiro sets the grocery bags on the dining table, and slips on oven mitts. Opening the oven, he only realized how cold he was. The warmth wasn’t unwelcome. It felt nice, relaxing even. He sets the cakes down on the counter. He might’ve left it in the oven for too long. It looked a bit more firm than it should be for sponge cake, but he’ll work with what he has.
Kojiro lets the cakes cool. Never working with cake right as it’s out of the oven was a basic rule everyone knew. Just because he worked with Italian main courses didn’t meanhe hasn’t got a clue how to work with desserts. He opens his phone for the recipe of fondant. It’s simple enough but he still hasn’t memorized it. Four years of owning a restaurant and he still barely knows shit about deserts. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. Here goes nothing.
From there it’s a blur of his dedication to whipping the marshmallows to a fondant like mixture and putting it in the microwave. During that period he tries to imagine cake decorations. How exactly does he want to arrange it? What colors would look great among others? His mind wanders back to the fruit arrangements, and inevitably, Kaoru. He sets down the bowl of pink fondant.
The reason he’d decided to do this today, was to get his mind off of Kaoru. He’s spent the past week just worrying, being disappointed, and avoiding him as best as he could. Trying to wrap his mind over whatever the hell they were.
But isn’t he just overreacting? Why is he still thinking about why Kaoru left in the morning despite asking him to stay? Kaoru always does that. He never sees him in the morning. Why did he even expect something different? Kojiro’s been mulling over this for a whole week. It’s stupid.
He grabs the bowls of fondant and puts them in the refrigerator. He really can’t do this right now. Grabbing his phone, he heads to his room. As much as Kojiro wanted to throw away the sticky-note with Kaoru’s ever perfect handwriting, he finds the crumpled sticky note in his drawer. He runs a hand through his hair, if he just stops procrastinating on this he can stop thinking about Kaoru.
me
hey
it’s kojiro
He sets his phone down and feels the tension in his shoulders release. He hears a buzz. Kaoru replied quickly. (Not too surprised there, Carla probably alerted him about the text.)
strawberry blossom
What the fuck.
Kojiro tries not to laugh, of course, Kaoru sends that first.
me
yeah haha sorry about the late text
stuff was getting busy at the restaurant
He doesn’t get a reply after that. Kojiro stuffs his phone in his pocket and heads back to the kitchen. He’s not overthinking about Kaoru this time. It puts his mind at ease and he can finally focus on the cakes. He checks up on the fondant and deems it ready to work with. A few pink and red cakes later, he’d finally finished decorating all of them. It wasn’t anything too spectacular but it was better than his previous tries.
Strawberries with chocolate drizzled over them, cherries and white frosting a top pink fondant; Kojiro thinks it looks cute. He takes his phone out to take a picture, but is flooded with notifications.
1 voicemail from ‘strawberry blossom’
7 missed calls from ‘strawberry blossom’
strawberry blossom
ASSHOLE REPLY TO ME
strawberry blossom
YOU FUCKINGBASTARD
(open for more…)
Kojiro winces.
He forgot Kaoru spams when he’s angry. He hesitates before opening the voicemail, he’s very aware Kaoru will scream into his ear. It starts off with a, “Kojiro, you fucking asshole.” Kojiro’s not surprised to say the least. “I would’ve screamed at you on call, but your dumbass is not picking up, so I hope you appreciate the little voicemail!” He really doesn’t appreciate it. “First of all, why the hell did it take you so long? I was worried you decided to disappear into thin air—not to mention this is backed up by the fact, you literally have not been at S whatsoever??? Regardless, you still want… this to happen right? I gave you my address already so…” Kojiro hears Kaoru mumble something hurriedly over the phone before the voice message ends.
He lets out a laugh. It really was funny how Kaoru is still the same dramatic Kaoru from before.
They may not be friends, though Kojiro knows he’ll have fun with this.
“You really want to do this sober?”
Kojiro was sitting on Kaoru’s couch, technological devices covered almost every corner of his place. Kaoru takes off his jacket and placed it on the coat rack, “As much as I’d rather be drunk when fucking you, I’d like to not turn into an alcoholic.” Kojiro scrunches his face up, “Aren’t you technically a functioning alcoholic?” Kaoru scowls at him. “I am not an alcoholic—just because we fucked more than once while drunk, does not mean I have a dependency on alcohol.” Kojiro rolls his eyes.
“Kaoru, I can’t even count on my fingers how many times we’ve fucked while drunk. I’m shocked we haven’t even got caught either.”
Kaoru lets out a sigh and tugs at the ribbon holding his hair in place. “Everyone’s too busy getting drunk in cramped up parties like that, they don’t have time to look at whatever fuckery we’re doing.” Kojiro only raises a brow. “You fine with us doing it on your couch? Or do you want to head to your room.”
“We can start on the couch, then we can move to my room.” Kojiro gets up and pulls Kaoru closer to him, “You’re gonna need to be closer to me for that to happen.”
“Why don’t you just shut up and let me take the lead this time around?”
“Why should I—“ Kojiro feels a hand palm against his dick. Kaoru stares at him with a smirk on his face. “Just shut your mouth and I’ll take care of this.”
And so he does—just not without a fight.
Every time his lips crash against Kaoru, it’s a flavor he savors. God, he doesn’t remember the last time he’d gone from a normal conversation to a heated kiss like that, but Kaoru just does wonders. His hand sneaks its way into Kaoru’s hair. It’s soft, he pulls at it, and fuck, the sound that came from Kaoru went straight to his dick. He pulls at Kaoru’s hair again just to hear that sound again, Kaoru only weakly glares at him in response.
Kaoru makes his move as he breaks from the initial kiss and starts kissing his neck. “Fuck. Kaoru, that—“ He groans from the way Kaoru kisses and bites down. (It’s definitely going to show in the morning, which Kojiro can’t have happening, but for now Kojiro will indulge in the pleasure.) His hands move from Kaoru’s head to his hips, he wants Kaoru’s shirt off now. Kaoru stops him.
“Not unless you take yours off first.”
Kojiro smirks, “Then you do it.” Kaoru’s hands are instantly unbuttoning his shirt, Kojiro notices the lust haze that clouds over Kaoru’s eyes. Sultry, golden eyes that look like he’s about to jump on his prey. Kojiro felt him being turned on by the second. He kisses him again.
They were out of breath by the time Kojiro’s shirt was off. “Was kissing me enough to make you breathless?” Kaoru’s voice, raspy and deep. It only caused Kojiro wanting more. “Just keep on going. I’m waiting here, you know.” There’s that glint in Kaoru’s eyes—the one he has when he accepts a challenge.
Things begin moving from there. Kaoru makes his way down, sucking and biting Kojiro’s skin. Kojiro can barely hold back by the time he sees Kaoru unbuckling his belt and pants. A hand makes its way to his boxers, Kaoru looks up at him. His lips were swollen, hair a mess; Kojiro could only nod.
It was a distinct difference going into fuck sessions like this drunk rather than spber. Their usual sloppy messing around, suddenly felt ethereal, a burning flame slowly melting the candle wax away. With the way Kaoru took him in? Kojiro was seeing stars. He grabs Kaoru’s hair to steady himself because fuck, Kaoru’s blowing him right now. Keeping his composure was instantly thrown out the window the moment Kaoru’s lips wrapped around his dick.
Kaoru hums as Kojiro’s hand tightens it’s hold in his hair. “Kaoru—Fuck, you’re doing so good, baby. So good.” God, this was unreal. Who would’ve ever knew Kaoru was this fucking good at giving head? Kojiro wishes he’d tried this earlier. Had he’d been drunk he really wouldn’t be able to experience this type of fuck. And shit, Kojiro knows this is going to beat all of the times he’s even had sex. (Part of him wants it to never end.)
With that Kojiro begins slowly thrusting into Kaoru’s mouth. It was warm all over and Kaoru just took him in so perfectly. Kojiro’s own eyes were fully clouded in lust, but he could see Kaoru on his dick. Lips around him, saliva dribbling down his face; it was a sight to see. Kojiro let out a moan as he felt the heat build in his abdomen.
“Baby, please— oh fuck —keep going. I’m really fucking close, Kaoru. Please.”
And so Kaoru does. Tongue swirling around his tip, he pushes himself forward. Kojiro’s hips stutter as he’s releasing right into Kaoru’s mouth. He’s utterly breathless. Kaoru licks the side of his mouth.
“You taste sweet.” Kojiro looks away, “I can’t believe you actually swallowed it…” Kaoru merely smirks in victory, “What? You disgusted?” Kojiro looks back at him. “No, I just thought you looked hot as fuck doing that.” Kaoru’s eyes widen before he leaves a small peck at the side of Kojiro’s lips. “Let’s continue this in my room then.”
“Whatever you say, Kaoru.”
It’s a mix of a former prevalence and a new routine.
Everytime Kojiro and Kaoru hooked up, it progressed into what were their former movie marathons back in highschool. Only difference is they’re seated a good distance from each other, both in boxers and cleaned up from their previous activities. Kojiro grabbed a slice of pizza. They’d ordered in today. (Kojiro would have cooked, but seriously, fucking Kaoru took up ninety-percent of his energy.)
“Kaoru… This show literally sucks—“ Kaoru slaps him. “Shut it, you uncultured gorilla, we’re getting to the good part.” Kojiro frowns and takes another slice of pizza. It was Kaoru’s turn to pick some show, and he’d chosen a fantasy historical chinese drama. Kaoru managed to convince him to watch the drama, but amongst the zombies, stupid action scenes—Kojiro didn’t have a clue as to what’s the plot.
Kaoru, on the other hand, was entirely absorbed as to what was going on. Kojiro scrunches his face. Another pizza slice is taken as well. “Kaoru, do you want beer?”
“Sure, now hush, I’m trying to watch.” Kojiro stands and stretches. He really didn’t want to be sitting on his couch with Kaoru totally engrossed in a shitty TV show. He flips the lights in his kitchen on.
He rummages around the fridge for the beer.
Ah-hah. He pulls out two cans of beer that were sitting near the back of his fridge. Kojiro spares a look at Kaoru, he’d began giggling all of a sudden. Now, Kojiro’s not a guy who really follows that toxic masculinity look at life; he will admit Kaoru looked absolutely adorable. Kojiro only sighs and shakes his head.
“What’s happening now? You’re loving whatever the hell’s going on in there.” Kaoru giggles.
“You missed the good part—pass me my beer, thanks—the dude who turned into a zombie confessed his love.”
“This has got to be some chinese version of a hallmark show.”
“It is not, now shut it we’re getting to the wedding scene.” Kojiro opens his can of beer with his lips zipped tight. If he were being honest, he wasn’t paying attention to show whatsoever, if anything, his eyes wandered over to Kaoru. Kaoru tied up his hair while Kojiro was getting beer, and his eyes were sparkling. He had a smile on his face, he’s thoroughly enjoying this drama.
Kojiro gulps down his beer a bit faster.
With that thought, Kojiro comes to a conclusion: Kaoru is the prettiest friend with benefits he’d ever had.
Kojiro’s not sure when he started to daydream about Kaoru and not have a problem with it.
It was supposed to be a one time thing. That’s how it was always supposed to be. He’d chosen to acknowledge that, yeah, Kaoru’s looks were very appealing. Kojiro wasn’t aware that acknowledging that fact proceeded to throw him into a downward spiral of thinking about him during the day. Some days, it’s Kaoru’s body on his mind. Some days, it’s Kaoru’s smile on his mind. Some days, it’s a mix of both.
Kojiro didn’t understand why he’s thinking about Kaoru so often. Maybe Kojiro’s just happy over the fact his best friend is his best friend again. Or, at least it feels like it is. He really doesn’t want to lose Kaoru again.
He gets out of his bed, muscles sore from last night.
Fucking Kaoru sober was a whole different experience on it’s own, Kojiro loves it. Kojiro waved bye to a customer. Despite working, his mind was filled with Kaoru. He’ll head to Crazy Rock tonight, he needs to get his mind off of things to focus. (It wouldn’t have made a difference, fucking Kaoru sober was something his mind was always looking forward to.) His mind flashes the image of Kaoru underneath him, he shakes his head. He really shouldn’t be thinking about this right now.
Kojiro wipes down the counters and heads to the kitchen.
His mind goes back to the cakes he’d made from a while back. The cherry toppings made for Valentines’ day, chocolate drizzled over it. Kaoru always had a sweet tooth. Fruits, candies, anything sugary Kaoru loved. From when they were little kids up till college, Kojiro knew about Kaoru’s love for sweets.
He remembers back in middle school, Kojiro actually made Kaoru extra Valentines’ chocolate. It was a memory he forgot existed, but it was buried deep in his mind. Twelve years old and he tried decorating the small chocolates the best he could. Caramel and cherry filling. It was a mix he wanted to try back then.
Kojiro chuckles at the thought. The chocolates were far from perfect. They weren’t the prettiest, but he recalls Kaoru’s face. It was a beautiful smile before being embraced in a hug. They always fought even then, yet there was something intimate then. Kojiro reaches for a bowl and decides to work on the Valentines’ week menu. He can’t keep finding himself lost in memories.
It’s one thing to think about fucking someone, but it’s an entirely different obstacle trying to think about the past.
If there’s anything from the past he’d agree with is that Kaoru always had been pretty. The square-rimmed glasses, pink hair that just flowed elegantly in the wind, golden eyes that just shimmered. Kaoru just had always been beautiful. Kojiro couldn’t even deny it anymore. He pats down looking for his phone. It wasn’t there. He probably left it in his car.
Kojiro wanted to send a text to Kaoru, yet it felt too out of place.
It’s confusing, whatever they are. Kojiro remembers how close they were a decade ago and lets out a lifeless laugh.
Kaoru stops by the restaurant.
It shock Kojiro to say the least, but he welcomes a paying customer. “Sit wherever you want, Kaoru. We’re about to close, there’s barely anyone here.” Kaoru was wearing his usual traditional clothes—probably just finished up with his fair share of work. Kojiro slides over a menu, “What do you want?”
“Fettuccine alfredo with chicken.” Kojiro takes note and makes his way to the kitchen, “You want any drinks with that?”
“Just water will be fine.” Kojiro nods before Kaoru’s voice stops him again.
“Your Valentines’ menu should be out, right?”
Kojiro smiles, “I was wondering when you’d ask about that. Yeah, it is. You want to order something off it now, or would you like to finish dinner first then order it?”
“Just let me look at the menu for now. I’ll order my dessert later.”
“Sounds good.”
Kojiro whips up Kaoru’s food, and serves it with grace. “Bon appetit, Kaoru. You ready to order your dessert yet or no?” Kaoru looks up at him, brows pulled together in slight confusion. “You have a lot of desserts with cherries on them, I thought you’d have gone the route of strawberries. I thought that was the norm for dessert menus like this.”
“Usually it’s something with roses and strawberries—chocolate is usually thrown in. I wanted to do an assortment of red fruits but main cherries. I mean, you eat them with milk shakes, you know? Wanted to try something with ice cream, and I liked how it turned out.” Kaoru nods. “I’ll just get a slice of the honey cherry cake for take-out. Thank you for the food.”
“My pleasure. I’ll get that cake out to you as soon as I can. You want it as take-out right?” Kaoru nods. “Oh, and don’t worry about paying for the cake. It’s on the house.”
Kojiro loves bickering with Kaoru, but surprising and treating him is a feeling that overrides everything else. It felt good. Seeing a shocked, somewhat happy Kaoru. He really hadn’t changed much from years ago. If they aren’t at least friends now—Kojiro would feel it sting a bit. ‘Fuck buddy’ seems a little too emotionless for them. Kojiro slices a piece of the honey cherry cake. It was by far the best cake he’d made.
He wraps it in pink wax paper and puts it in the cake box. They’d gotten a new batch of rose colored cake boxes, he thinks it’s adorable. Maybe he’ll try the lunch box sized mini cakes next for Valentines’ day.
He exits out of the kitchen and places the cake box near Kaoru. “One honey cherry cake for you, Kaoru dearest.” Kaoru gives him a look. “You are so fucking annoying.”
“You love me for it.” He looks at Kaoru’s empty plate. “Enjoyed your meal?” Kaoru nods and pushes the plate towards him. “If I could have the bill, I’d appreciate that.” Kojiro does as asked and hands over the bill. The exchange should be quick as it’s only them in the restaurant.
Kaoru pays and gets up, cake box in hand. He reaches the door before turning to face Kojiro. “If you want to come over as well, I wouldn’t mind that either.” Kojiro was taken aback but he only grins.
Oh, and who was Kojiro to refuse an offer like that?
It was the words: “You’re not allowed to touch me.”
They were uttered into Kojiro’s ear, his focus was off the whole day, but that exact sentence brought him back to Earth.
Kojiro did everything to restrain himself from touching Kaoru, and fuck , was it hard. He gripped onto the bed sheets tight. He could probably rip them if he wanted to. Kaoru was on his dick, pushing himself down. Kojiro couldn’t take his eyes off. Hs vision was fogged over with lust—Kaoru looked so fucking beautiful. He wanted to put his hands on him, to feel him even more.
It was simply because Kojiro knows Kaoru’s body.
He knows the curves, the lines of his abs, and most importantly, he knows Kaoru’s sweet spots. Kojiro knows the beauty of Kaoru’s moans every time he hit them repeatedly. All he wanted was to hear that sound again. It was fucking torture to watch as he could do nothing as Kaoru’s bringing himself up and down. Kaoru’s mouth opened ever so slightly, he wanted to kiss him. Yet all he could do now is slowly grind his hips against Kaoru.
Kaoru wasn’t someone who held patience during sex. Despite his normal personality being as calm as the sea, that’s only for the reason that a storm is yet to come. Kaoru hated, by all means hated Kojiro’s forte of teasing. When Kojiro takes the lead, it’s a slow yet almost fast build up. Electricity of sorts.
When Kaoru takes the lead, it’s being sated after years of a starvation for sex that lasted an eternity. It’s rough, fast, and painfully alluring. They’d gone without a condom again, hickies, bite marks littered Kaoru’s skin. They shone like the red of a stop sign. It was paradisiacal just watching him. Kojiro’s eyes train down Kaoru’s chest and abdomen. They’re both hard and aching for release. They both knew that.
“Please, Kaoru, baby, please. Let me touch you.” Kojiro reaches for Kaoru’s hips but his hand gets slapped away. Kaoru snaps, slamming his hips down as he breathes out a no. Kojiro lets out a groan. “Kojiro, you—you aren’t allowed to fucking touch me. Goddammit, let me fucking do this. We’ve cummed four fucking times, I can fucking handle a fifth.” Kojiro just wants to get this over with. “Babe, please. Your legs are shaking.” Kojiro’s aware Kaoru has an insane amount of stamina. It’s the same amount as his own—but fuck, he just wants to finish this up. “Kaoru, just this once please—“ Kaoru grit his teeth and looks him dead in the eye.
“Hurry up. I’m fucking close too, you know.”
Kojiro doesn’t waste a moment to bring Kaoru down.
It felt right, holding him. Kaoru was smaller than Kojiro, his hand was the size of Kaoru’s waist. Kojiro kept his hands on him. He opens his eyes again. The sound brought him back, skin against skin. Grunts and moans filling the room. “Kaoru, I’m really—“ Kaoru grit his teeth and tried to move.
“I know, just fucking cum inside of me, I don’t care about the mess. Just keep fucking moving.”
Kojiro releases into Kaoru without asking again.
He helps Kaoru off and sets him beside him. They had to clean up. “Shit, that was really good.” Kaoru hummed in response. He looked spent. Kojiro tucks a stray hair behind Kaoru’s ear. “I’ll clean us up. You can’t walk right now, I’m guessing?”
“Of course, I can’t fucking walk right now… What type of question is that?” Kojiro smiles, repressing a laugh. “You really overdid yourself today. Bare-minimum prep and leading. You’re insane, Kaoru.”
“Just hurry up and clean us up, you fucking gorilla.”
“Alright, strawberry, whatever you say.”
Kojiro picks Kaoru up in his arms, spent and tired, yet he looked as stunning as ever.
It clicked after Kojiro got off a call with Kaoru.
They were talking, as any pair of friends would. They shared laughs, they bickered. It was the old routine. Then it was an unwelcome fleeting thought that came to mind. He wished he’d let it fly unnoticed like a dandelion in the wind. But it sat in his hands, suddenly weighing down on him.
He was feeling nauseous, his mind was reeling. This couldn’t be happening. Oh God no, this could not be fucking happening. All that confusion, all that thinking, all those feelings, it all seemed to make sense after he realized. Kojiro nearly dropped his phone when he realized.
Oh, I’m in love with him.
Kojiro didn’t get it. He knew, he heard of stories of people making the grave damnation of a mistake that’s falling for your fuck buddy. Hell, this was fucking worse than that. Looking at Kojiro’s whole situation, this was bad. Actually, bad is an understatement. Kojiro would have to bring out the whole fucking thesaurus to explain how he’s feeling.
Then again, Kojiro always thought about Kaoru. Kojiro always wanted to be near Kaoru. Kojiro always wanted to see him happy. It made sense; falling in love with your childhood best friend years later. Kojiro was in love and he’s struggling to accept that damning fact.
He was only glad he realized this alone in his room.
Had he been anywhere else, he’d rather disappear off the face of Earth. This would’ve been fine if it had been one life-changing revelation, but it really was two. Yes, being in love with your ex-best friend turned fuck buddy was already horrible enough. But then suddenly realizing, “Hey, maybe I am into guys too,” was equally as terrifying. Kojiro could hear his heart pounding in his ears.
He’s twenty-eight and he’s coming to these realizations he should’ve known when he was twelve. This had to be some fucking joke. “I’m not in love with him, where the hell did I get that statement from?” Kojiro muttered it to himself, yet he knew it’s a lie. Always thinking about Kaoru, always wanting to see Kaoru, always wanting to see Kaoru happy. He knows himself. He knows, the moment he utters that word, he’s gone. There’s no taking it back.
“Out of all the people, it had to be him… Out of everyone in this fucking world! It just had to be him…”
Kojiro wasn’t one to cry, but he never desperately wanted to do so. He’s shaking. He can’t be in love with Kaoru. He just can’t. Kojiro knows these types of feelings ruin everything. All the times he’d cut off people due to what he’s feeling. Beware of the consequences, huh? Kojiro put down his phone. Just a minute ago, he’d had a perfectly normal conversation with Kaoru. Yet now, he’s holding the crushing weight of his own feelings and consequences on his back.
This was supposed to be just a single drunk mistake, goddammit.
It took a week or two to adjust.
Kojiro was good at adapting. He liked to believe he could take anything thrown at him. This was trying to dodge a planet-sized meteor going full force at him. Essentially, it was also like dodging a thousand bullets all targeting him. He just couldn’t run from it.
He still went to their weekly fuck sessions; had Kaoru noticed anything, nothing was said. Kojiro rubbed his temple. He didn’t want to go and show up to S today. Though, the kids he occasionally saw around had something scheduled. He has to come take a look, at least. Kojiro sighed and got up.
He’ll move to the living room then finish errands later. Kojiro’s on a day of PTO, yet he’s still tensed up over it. He’s coming to accept it. Kojiro wants to scream about it, there’s no one but a few private accounts to hear what he has to say. Contrary to popular belief, Kojiro wasn’t one to hold a thousand close friends. Kojiro, when you take away the fuck buddies and women, had Kaoru as his only close friend. He can’t scream about his feelings to him. That’s just contradictory to everything else.
Kojiro heard his phone buzz. He looks over and it’s Kaoru, unknowingly a smile makes its way to his face. (He slaps it, not today.) He reads over the two messages.
strawberry blossom
hey.
i’ve been noticing lately that you’re not
feeling as well? are you home rn?
Kojiro raised a brow. He’s been feeling like shit for the past two weeks, but he’s glad Kaoru noticed.
me
yep
nothing too bad, just feeling a bit down
haha iono why tho
OH and im home btw
Kaoru starts typing and stops. It repeats for about five minutes. Kojiro would be honored if Kaoru sent him a “get well soon” message.
strawberry blossom
give me fifteen minutes.
Kojiro raises a brow. That’s cryptic to say the least. Kojiro tried thinking of the many ways that statement can go. It could mean Kaoru actually cares about him or he’s gonna meet his death in approximately fifteen minutes. Knowing Kaoru, those were the two most likely possibilities out of everything that could happen. He should start looking for coffins if Kaoru’s going to kill him.
Fifteen minutes pass and Kaoru still hasn’t sent him a text. Kojiro puts his phone down. He’s checking it every second for anything, but Kaoru never elaborated on it. Kojiro needs to get up—then he hears a knock on the door.
Could it be Kaoru? Kojiro didn’t want to think about it. He gets up and slinks over to the door. Kojiro really felt like shit today. He opens the door, ready to turn down whoever was there, but it was Kaoru. Kaoru held a bag up, “You said you weren’t feeling that good so I tried making congi. Your mom made it for you when you were sick, right?” Kojiro blinks. “Oh, thanks. I can take the bag.”
“You sure you’re feeling fine? You don’t look sick, but you look like absolute shit.”
Kojiro laughs. I’m losing sleep thinking about you actually. He takes the bag, he could smell the hot and warm congi. “Just a bit stressed out about the restaurant, there were a lot of orders this past week. Thank you for the congi.” He looks up at Kaoru again, giving him a small smile. “I’m not in shape for a fuck, but if you want you can come in.”
Kaoru shook his head. “I have a few clients I need to meet in an hour or so, I can’t stay. I just wanted to give you that because I was just a little worried about you.” Kaoru waves his hand and turns, “I’ll get going now. Goodbye, Kojiro.” Kojiro waved goodbye. When Kojiro really thought about it, Kaoru wasn’t shy about giving him gifts back then.
Kaoru had gotten games, trinkets, and candies for them to share in middle school. Kojiro always gave Kaoru the food he made but never anything item related. Hell, Kojiro knows he has a box of little keepsakes from his childhood at his parents’ house. He takes the bowl out and opens it. Kojiro grabs his spoon and takes a sip.
It tasted exactly like his mother's.
Kojiro had a few steps and exceptions he lived by.
He omitted sleeping around with anyone, he’s not going to cope by fucking someone else. It’s a change in his schedule but he had to do it. Kojiro knows that fucking the guy you’re in love with probably isn’t the healthies—but he’ll stick to one friend with benefits for now. Or however long this feeling will last at least. It’s sleep, go to work, eat, skate, fuck with Kaoru, repeat.
Realizing his feelings also made Kojiro realize a few other things too.
It had been two months since they’ve established the fact they’re friends. Five months since this whole arrangement exists. Kojiro would have normally, in a normal situation, would have waited a week at most to tell the girl he’s crushing on he likes her. Yet this? Kojiro was hesitating.
He knows that he can’t do that. He knows that five months of trying to be Kaoru’s friend, would go to waste if he did. (Well, sort of, it’s weird to say you’ve been trying to be friends with your enemy turned fuck buddy.) Kojiro knows, maybe, in ten years or so, he’d have a chance. If they could fix their relationship, actually function like grown-ups, maybe. Yet waiting that long, Kojiro thinks he’d wither away.
What normally would have been a small crush, grew into vines that had latched onto Kojiro. They weren't going to go away. Nothing he could do would make them disappear. After all, like vines, it would just grow back. Kojiro knew it was a mess he’d accepted. Kojiro still never understood what happened back in college, but if he were Kaoru’s shoes, finding out your ex-best friend is in love with you? Kojiro would’ve cut himself off a second time if he were Kaoru.
Kojiro looks out the window. It’s raining.
Kaoru loves the rain.
Kojiro turns away from the window, the pitter patter of raindrops loud in his ears. His mind is a mess and the rain didn’t make him feel any better. Kojiro couldn’t stop asking himself just why he fell in love with Kaoru. There were a multitude of reasons why he’d realized his feelings. But at the same time, Kojiro found himself perfectly fine with it.
A push and pull within himself, Kojiro knew love was a cruel little thing.
Kojiro accepted the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with Kaoru as another month passes and he’s in the backseat of his car kissing Kaoru.
Their shirts are off, grinding against each other. Kaoru’s on top of him as they always do. Kojiro lavishes the feeling. Kojiro pulls at the hair tie in Kaoru’s hair, the sound coming out of his mouth driving Kojiro insane. He moans into the kiss and bites down on Kaoru’s lip. He wants to taste him.
Kaoru lets him in, his hands roaming Kojiro’s torso. They know each other’s sweet spots, they know where to make each other feel good. It felt like Kojiro was burning away just by Kaoru’s touch. He loved it. Kojiro felt lust driving him further in deeper, because fuck, oh fuck, he wanted this.
“Kaoru, you want to keep on doing this here? Because, fuck, baby, I don’t care but I want you—“
“Shut up, Kojiro, and let me just fucking kiss you.”
Kojiro smiled as he kissed Kaoru again. His feelings and being riled up by Kaoru were something that made the times they fuck feel like something was there. (Kojiro held onto that feeling whenever he got the chance.) Kojiro opens his eyes slightly, Kaoru looks divine as ever.
Hair down, it flowed and framed Kaoru’s face perfectly. Kojiro pulls at Kaoru’s hair again, watching the pleasured expression on Kaoru’s face. Kojiro groans, fuck, it really went straight to his dick. He moves away from Kaoru’s mouth and peppers kisses on his neck. Kojiro wants to leave marks, Kojiro wants the world to know that Kaoru’s his—even if that’s a lie.
Kaoru’s restraining himself from making noise as Kojiro goes down. He wasn’t gonna let that go unnoticed. “Kaoru, baby, let me hear you. You sound beautiful, Kaoru..” It only takes Kojiro to say a few words of praise for Kaoru to break. He’s a mess on Kojiro’s lap. Moans and breathy panting. They’re just getting started yet Kojiro feels like he could stay here forever.
At the end of it all, kissing Kaoru breathless is the only way Kojiro could let his own love go directly to him without consequence.
Being in love with Kaoru soon turned into a thought Kojiro didn’t question.
It lived in the back of his head, occasionally reminding him without mercy. Kojiro could be eating his lunch and suddenly, it whacks his head. The knowing feeling that you’re in love with your best friend. Kojiro shook his head. It was an annoying little thing.
As much as he hides it away, some days it feels like it’s tied around his arm—the whole world could see it. It was progressively getting worse and worse, and Kojiro couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He twirls the pen in his hand. He’s distracted today.
His mind is fixating on Kaoru’s hands.
They weren’t dainty or perfect, they were similar to his. Strong, writer’s calluses, and all. Kojiro wanted to hold them again. Sometimes, that wish does come true. Intertwining his fingers with Kaoru’s. Their hands fit perfectly. Kojiro stares at his hand. He really wants to hold Kaoru’s hand.
He rests his face on the tabletop. This was the most annoying thing ever.
Kojiro puts the pen down and grabs his phone. He’ll send a text to Kaoru. (He won’t directly gush about his feelings, but he wants to talk to him.) Kojiro mentally slaps his face.
me
yo
can i come over tonight?
kaoru <3
to fuck or to hang out?
me
just to hang out
wanted to spend time with u
unless… u wanna kiss me so bad then i don’t mind
kaoru <3
like hell i do.
me
not what u said last time you were on my dick
kaoru <3
shut the fuck up, kojiro.
Kojiro shakes his head and feels a smile come to his face. (He’s really gone isn’t he?) Kaoru’s amusing. Kojiro should make them dinner before he heads to Kaoru’s place. It’d be nice to eat together without the premise of them fucking. Kojiro just wants to spend time with him. Cliche as it sounds, he wants to make up for the lost time.
After all, Kaoru was his best friend first.
“You are a gorilla-looking asshole, I fucking hate you.”
“Oh shut it, strawberry, you’re just sensitive.”
“Bitch, if you—you are so fucking annoying.”
Kojiro rolled his eyes, “I don’t know why I agreed to come and help you buy shit for your place.” Kaoru glared at him. Kojiro sets a pair of napkins in the cart. Kaoru gave him a look. “God, why did I ask you to come along too? Your choices on decorations are so bland.” Kaoru takes out the plain white napkins and switches them with gingham napkins. Kojiro thought it made him look older.
“Wow, okay. I see how it is. I’m sorry I’m choosing items that look good—your style is so old and for what?!”
“They’re not old, it’s a fucking cozy little aesthetic and I’m going with it.”
Kojiro was a guy who preferred the minimalistic look of things, Kaoru was a mix of everything. Kojiro’s well aware of the phases of Kaoru’s tastes, but he somehow always comes back to a traditional Japanese style. (As of now, Kojiro could tell Kaoru was going for a comfy cottage core look, or whatever the youngsters called it these days.) Kojiro shakes his head. “We’re heading to the plants next. I need to get a few new pots and I want to see if I can add to my small family of plants.” Kojiro tries to picture Kaoru surrounded by houseplants and Carla somewhere in between and sends an incredulous look at him.
“Can you not call your plants a family?”
“For fuck’s sake, I thought we weren’t going to argue about plants. They’re as green as your goddamn hair.”
“The hell my hair has to do with this? Oi, Kaoru, I’m more concerned about you calling inanimate objects your family—“
“If you say shit about Carla not being a part of the family, I’ll throw your body off of Mount Fuji.”
“We’re nowhere even near Mount Fuji? Kaoru, Jesus Christ, you’re insane.”
“Oh shut your mouth, you fucking gorilla. We’re heading to the goddamned house plants.”
Kojiro sends an apologetic glance to the worker restocking the shelves. The worker nods slowly and gets back to working. Kaoru’s already pushing the cart away. “We’re scaring the workers, we need to calm down.” Kaoru gives him a look full of daggers. “I wonder who’s fucking fault that is.”
“Dude, come on, if you listened to me, your room wouldn’t be such a mess—“
“My room isn’t a mess, it’s an organized little studio, now hurry up you tortoise.” It was Kojiro’s turn to roll his eyes. “You’re having fun comparing me to green animals.”
“What? Want me to compare you to moss next? Seaweed?”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Of fucking course, I would.”
Kojiro shakes his head and watches Kaoru. He’s really something else.
Kojiro got to celebrate a birthday with Kaoru after eight years of hating each other.
Kaoru turned twenty-nine in three days and Kojiro wanted to do something. Kojiro stares at the ingredients in his hand and places them in the cart. He’s currently brainstorming just how he’s going to decorate the cake. Probably with something purple or lavender. Those were Kaoru’s favorite colors after all.
He looks over what he has, biscuits, sour cream, lemon jelly, food coloring, sugar; he should have all the other ingredients at his place. Kojiro was doing a simple no-bake cheesecake for Kaoru. Originally, he was making it strawberry flavor out of spite, but really, it’s a sweet cake. Kaoru’s sweet tooth will love it.
Kojiro should get extra gelatin for the cake just in case.
The cake he was going to make Kaoru was half cheesecake and clear gelatin on the top. The gelatin will cover an assortment of fruits arranged on top of the cheesecake. It was pretty and very simple cake. Kojiro mentally checks off the ingredients and heads to the cashier. He’ll come back another day for his groceries.
“Mr. Nanjo? You’re baking cakes again, I thought the romance season was over.” He smiles at the cashier. It was a sweet highschooler from the highschool he’d went to when he was younger. “I’m practicing again. I have to perfect the craft.”
“Well, I think that’s a good thing for a chef like you so!” She smiles as she scans the ingredients. “What are you making this time, sir?”
“Cheesecake. It’s for a friend.”
“I saw the cakes you made on Instagram! Whoever your friend is, your friend will love it! Oh, your total is two thousand and eight hundred yen.” Kojiro smiles at the girl and hands her the money. “Keep the change, kid.”
“Thank you for shopping, Mr. Nanjo!”
He needs to get home and make that cake.
Kojiro pulls out his phone and sends a photo of the ingredients to Kaoru.
me
[image attached]
look look
im making u a cake
kaoru <3
i hate you.
i see the fucking box of strawberries.
you aren’t slick, kojiro.
me
heh
Kojiro hides his face. God, he has it bad. Just texting Kaoru makes him smile like an idiot. Kojiro wants to scream. He needs to get home and start cooking or else he’ll just sit there thinking about Kaoru. It’s just a small little cake to make after all.
“We haven’t been here since we were seventeen, Kaoru.”
Kojiro had dragged the pink-haired male out to the park they used to skate at. “You’re dragging me here out at ten PM for what.” Kojiro grabs Kaoru’s wrist and drags him towards the park. They were alone. “Don’t you want to just relive some memories? Oh! The swingset’s still here.” Kaoru makes a face. Kojiro kisses him briefly before running away. Kojiro takes pride in watching Kaoru’s face slowly heat up.
Lately, Kojiro’s been sneaking in a few more kisses and hugs at Kaoru. If Kaoru knew something was up, he never did anything about it. Kojiro makes his way to the swings, the tire swing was still there. “Aren’t you too heavy for that?”
“Kaoru, let me be a kid just for this moment.” Kojiro sticks his tongue out at Kaoru. “We’re almost thirty, Kojiro.”
“Exactly why I should be allowed to do this.”
Kaoru rolls his eyes but only sits on the swing next to him.
“It feels like we’re eight again, doesn’t it?”
“Mhm. Wasn’t that the year we first met, Kaoru?”
“Yeah, it was.”
The swings creak as they sway back and forth. Kojiro looked around. It was still the same as it was twenty years ago. Kojiro tries to stop a laugh but fails. “Our relationship really is something, wouldn’t you say, Kaoru?” Kaoru takes a moment to think about his answer. Kojiro thinks it’s something. After all, it’s not every day your childhood best friend turns into a fuck buddy. “You could say that.” Kojiro looks at the sky. He could barely see the stars.
“Kaoru… Why did you kiss me that night?”
Kaoru turns and faces him, “What do you mean?” Kojiro eyes don’t waver. He wants an answer. “The first time we fucked—why did you kiss me?”
“Well, we were both drunk out of our minds. I don’t think it was anything more than that.” Kojiro just nods. He can take that.
Occasionally, Kojiro wondered if it was something more. Then again, it’s a stretch to think that. Before they’d become friends again, before they started fucking. They hated each other. Kojiro still didn’t know why. It felt taboo to ask that question. Everythinng would just start crumbling away.
Kojiro knew their relationship was a weak, barely structured thing. One wrong move and it would come tumbling down like a house of cards. He’s willing to give anything to prevent that happening. Kojiro gets up and stretches. He’s not going to think about this right now. He turns to Kaoru.
“Something on your mind too?”
“You could say that.” Kaoru smiles softly. His hair blowing from the spring breeze. Kojiro want to kiss him. “Your hair isn’t tied up.” Kaoru raises a brow. “You really just noticed?”
“Mhm. It’s flowing in the breeze, makes you look beautiful.”
“Oh shut it, Kojiro.”
Kojiro walks over to Kaoru, a smirk right on his face. He places his hand over Kaoru’s own. “What if I don’t want to shut up?”
“Then I’ll make you.”
“Go right ahead, Kaoru. I’m waiting.”
Under the guise of the night, Kaoru kisses Kojiro in the old playground.
When Kojiro woke up at five in the morning, he feels weird.
There’s a weight on his arm, it covers half of his body. He opens his eyes, bleary with sleep. Kojiro noticed two things. The weight on him was a body, he’s also hugging the body. Kojiro sees pink hair splayed across the pillows just like the first time he woke up with Kaoru. He’s startled but he wills himself not to move too much.
Kaoru shifts in his sleep, moving closer to him. Kojiro thinks if this is a dream. Holding Kaoru feels just right. It also feels too good to be true. Kojiro smiled to himself. He holds Kaoru closer to him and closes his eyes. He’d love to wake up to every morning just like this. This probably was a dream after all. He’s allowed to wish for this to happen again.
After all, Kojiro’s far too in love to want anything else.
Spring was half-way through it’s run when the daydream reached its end.
Kojiro hadn’t seen it coming but it wasn’t a surprise. He was sitting next to Kaoru at Crazy Rock’s bar. An underground party in full swing happening. Kojiro’s eyes wander over to Kaoru. He looks lovely in this light. (Kojiro never wanted to kiss him more.) Kojiro takes another shot.
“You up for a competition again?”
“Last time we did that, I couldn’t walk for three days.” Kojiro smiles sheepishly. “Sorry about that Kaoru.” Kaoru takes a shot for himself. He rests his head against his palm. “Don’t think I’m up for it tonight. I’m not feeling it, Kojiro.” Kojiro pats Kaoru’s back. “That’s fine by me. You wanna just crash by my place though? You mentioned something about renovations.” Kaoru shook his head. “I’m already staying at a hotel. Thank you for the offer though.” A silence falls between them, the party raging simply background music.
They sat there for a minute, just enjoying each other’s presence. Kojiro loved moments like this. Sitting next to Kaoru was this easy, laid-back feeling. Kojiro didn’t have to say anything. They could just sit in silence and stay in their own worlds. Kojiro had to repress a laugh, Kaoru and him were two different people entirely. People would double take when hearing Kojiro say “I’m in love with Kaoru.” It was unlikely.
Then again? It was Kojiro’s facade he built. It was the personality everyone at S saw him as. If he broke that now, he’s destroying ten years of molding himself into this perfect guy. But Kojiro knew he wasn’t that perfect guy. Kaoru knew that too. In reality, he really was far from it.
Kojiro plays with the cup in his hands. Empty. Kaoru got up, Kojiro tilted his head. Kaoru smiles with his eyes, he pulled his mask back up. “I’ll get going now. You should get a text when I get to the hotel so don’t worry too much.” Kojiro hums in response. Kaoru’s back to being able to read his actions again. It made Kojiro jump out of joy and fear for the fact Kaoru would see right through him.
Kaoru finding out about his feelings was the last thing he needed to happen.
If that ever took place, Kojiro didn’t believe in God, but he needed that guy to take him off of the planet forever. He doesn’t wallow over his feelings like this. For a moment he thinks it’s the whiskey talking. Regardless, it probably wasn’t. Kojiro watches the ice shift in the cup. Sometimes he wants to be able to tell Kaoru everything. To tell him how he feels, to tell him how he’s always on his mind, to tell him that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. Kojiro sets his cup down. He should go home as well.
Kojiro slides over a few bills. He puts on his jacket and heads for the exit. He should call an Uber or something to get home; he’s a bit too tipsy to drive back. Then something catches his ear. He stops. “Adam’s here. Holy shit, Adam’s here and—he’s approaching Cherry Blossom.”
“Adam’s staring down Cherry, I think they’re going to do a beef tonight!”
Adam was here? Kojiro could feel the anger inside him, but what’s more is that he’s near Kaoru. Kojiro knows what’s happened, he knows the accident that took place. The fear is rising. He doesn’t want Kaoru in a hospital again.
It’s a blur, Kojiro’s running in between people to find Kaoru. If he wasn’t sober earlier, he’s sobered up now. Kojiro hasn’t gotten a clue to whatever the fuck was going. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know. He could only hope things hadn’t gone violent. It didn’t take him too long to find them in the middle, crowd parted away to give them space. He saw Adam and Kaoru standing each other. Adam circling Kaoru like he were a predator getting ready to swoop down onto his prey. Kojiro was going to jump in, Adam’s voice breaks the stalemate.
“What will you do, Cherry Blossom? You’ve grown close to that green leaf, I almost wonder if you’re romantically involved—“
“Joe and I aren’t dating.” Kaoru snaps. He lost almost all control of himself, Kaoru was screaming. “If you think that, I really hope you fucking die. I’d rather give up skating, than date someone like him. I’ll never date him, and we’ll never be in a romantic relationship, so I want you shut the fuck up.”
Kojiro felt his heart shatter into pieces upon hearing those words.
Kaoru really does hate him. He thought he had a chance in a few years, but hearing that damning sentence—there wasn’t anything to change that thought. Kaoru was willing to stop skateboarding, he was willing to drop Carla, than be with him. Kojiro knew what joy Kaoru felt while skating and working on perfecting Carla. He knows the genuine smile on Kaoru’s face when he does that.
And Kaoru’s willing to give all of that up to never be with him.
Kojiro lets a bitter laugh escape him, it hurts. He sees a disappointed frown from Adam, Kojiro knows it’s going to get violent. He steps in front of Kaoru, barely making it before punches are going to be thrown. Kojiro feels Adam’s cold stare on him. He smiles nonchalantly in response. “I don’t understand what the hell’s going on, but we’re not getting violent.” Kaoru grits his teeth and glares daggers at Kojiro. “Joe, this is between me and Adam, you—“
“I’m not letting you get hurt like last time.”
Kojiro said it so only Kaoru could hear. He looks back at Adam. “You know the rules, Adam. You solve arguments and disputes with a race. Unless you’re willing to ‘waste time’ with us, as you say, go right ahead. We’re all fucking watching.” Adam goes still, only to smile in a way that makes anyone uncomfortable. “Looks like Prince Charming came just in time to save you, Cherry Blossom.” Red smoke fills the club as Adam makes his exit. Kojiro despises him. Adan didn’t have the fucking right to approach them after whatever bullshit happened years ago. Kojiro wasn’t going to focus on that though. The crowd disperses and chats amongst themselves. It’s a cacophony of sound.
Kaoru’s silent behind him. Kojiro turns to apologize, Kaoru deserves that at least. He stops.
Kaoru’s shaking, he’s hyperventilating. Kojiro curses to himself, he needs to get Kaoru out of this crowded space and quick. He compartmentalizes his own thoughts and feelings. Kaoru’s safety is first before anything. Without a word, he grabs Kaoru’s wrist and leads him to the backdoor. He knows it’s less crowded and no one stayed in the patch of grass behind the abandoned club. He weaves them in between people, if anyone sees them, fuck whatever the forums think. Kojiro just needs to get Kaoru secluded and away from everyone.
By the time Kojiro gets Kaoru out of there, Kojiro relaxes a bit. Kaoru’s already curled up and hiding. Shit, this is the worst he’s seen an attack hit Kaoru. Kojiro tries to recall exactly what he needed to do, but it was blurry. He sits down against the wall and takes out the water bottle he keeps in his jacket. Kojiro taps Kaoru’s shoulder; he’s still shaking. “Kaoru, I have water.” A shaky hand comes to take the water bottle, Kojiro opens the lid. “Here, drink it.” Kaoru brings down his mask and brings the water bottle to his mouth. He gulps down most of the water. He sets the water bottle down and rests his head on his knees.
Kojiro let’s Kaoru take that moment for himself. Still, he can’t keep Kaoru in this panicked state. “Kaoru, can you take a deep breath?” It takes a minute or so but Kojiro no longer hears Kaoru hyperventilating. The tension relaxes and Kojiro finally rests his head against the club’s wall. He needs to ask the questions, something regarding the five senses. Kojiro takes a deep breath himself and he looks at Kaoru.
“I… I don’t remember how it’s supposed to go, but uh—what are three things you see?” Kaoru peeks a little, golden eyes making contact with him ever since they came outside. Kaoru mumbles something. “Grass, trees, and I see you.” Kojiro nods, that’s one of the steps down. “Now, um, I think it’s what are three things you can hear?” Kaoru raises his head. He looks paler than he normally is. “I can hear the club music from out here, the crickets, and the breeze.”
“I forgot the last three but—“
“It’s ‘move three body parts.’” Kaoru wiggles his fingers. “That’s one.”
“Huh?” Kaoru blinks and looks at Kojiro. “The last one. It’s move three body parts.”
Kojiro makes an ‘oh’ as Kaoru rolls his head. Kaoru finishes up and lets out a breath.
“You feeling better, Kaoru?”
Kaoru nods. Kojiro smiles, that’s good. It’s quiet between them. Kojiro remembered Kaoru’s words from earlier that night. It taunted him at the back of his head. Kojiro can’t be hung up on that thought. He spares a glance at Kaoru. Kaoru rested his head against the wall, eyes closed. Kojiro looks away. The stars could be seen perfectly here. The barely present moon still gave Kaoru a glow that made Kojiro’s heart twist. He’s been rejected and he can’t stop himself from finding Kaoru beautiful.
“Kojiro, can I hug you?”
Kojiro thought he misheard it. But Kojiro knows that first, Kaoru needs him as a friend. Kaoru doesn’t want him as a lover, Kaoru doesn’t need him as a fuck buddy, but Kojiro will take it. If Kaoru just needs someone to hug, to be there—he’ll be there. “Oh. Yeah, go ahead.” Kojiro opens his arms. He’s okay if Kaoru doesn’t see him the way he does. Kaoru embraces Kojiro, hiding his face into Kojiro’s shoulder.
Kojiro hugs Kaoru back. He’s Kaoru’s best friend before anything else.
And Kojiro’s okay with that.
Kojiro thinks he’s fine after what happened that night.
He’s had dreams of staring at broken shards of class, all clattering and breaking as they hit cement. The pain felt real, almost. Kojiro told himself that he’s fine being Kaoru’s friend. Kojiro told himself he’s fine that Kaoru flat-out rejected him. He told himself to ignore it, to run away.
But he doesn’t.
Kojiro stays right where he was. He continues on with their arrangement as friends with benefits. He looks away when the tears are coming to his face. He masks the pain while kissing Kaoru breathless. They continue fucking as if nothing even changed. Kojiro has already gotten used to putting that cool guy facade, what more with Kaoru.
It’s contradictory really. He falls for Kaoru while he was being himself. Not Joe, not Mr. Nanjo, just as Kojiro. Kojiro didn’t fall for Kaoru’s side as Cherry Blossom, but he fell for Kaoru as his own too. Kaoru and his artificial intelligence, his annoying bastard personality, the most caring and beautiful person out there. He feels the warmth bloom in his chest. Kojiro knew the tears are making their way to his face. He hurriedly wiped at his eyes.
He’s alone in his room. His bed is cold and empty.
Kojiro wasn’t one to wear a shirt while sleeping, but he gets out of the bed and slips one on. He shivers. He probably forgot to turn his heater on. Kojiro sighed and grabbed his phone. He didn’t feel like sleeping. As much as he’d want to just scroll through his phone, the flood of dms he’d gotten fucking pissed him off. Someone caught the whole episode with Adam and Kaoru, up to the point of him dragging Kaoru’s wrist. The community is mad at him, thinking he were forcing Kaoru to go somewhere he didn’t want. Those people weren’t allowed to create a whole story for whatever business Kaoru and him shared. Kojiro scowled.
It had gotten to the point Kojiro turned off his DMs. Getting death threats once a month is fine, but being flooded with them wasn’t. His DMs were a mix really. People sending nudes, people asking for follow backs, the death threats, and now the people asking about the video. Kojiro watched it start to finish. It left the bitter taste of blood on his tongue.
The video began with shaky footing, the chaos of the party crazy. The person holding the camera eventually makes it to the front of the crowd—Adam’s words clear as day. Adam wore the smirk he always had, looking down on them. He let Kaoru stand there, frozen like a deer caught in headlights.
“I see you’re doing well, Cherry Blossom.”
“I’m more shocked you came to me first. You don’t come down here much anyway.”
“A little birdy told me they saw you and Joe together, was it? Things were getting heated was it?” Kaoru’s eyes go cold. Kojiro knew Kaoru could be terrifying, yet seeing this on camera scared him shitless. “I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about.” Adam’s smile falters. “We both know what we’re talking about here, Cherry.” Adam begins pacing back and forth, the way he does when he has something planned.
“Oh Cherry, your name is the same as Chérie, which means… Ah right,” No one could tell where Adam looked exactly, but he looked in the direction of the camera as he says the last word. It sent chills down Kojiro’s spine. “Darling. Your name means Darling.”
Kaoru is as still as ever, he broke his gaze with Adam. He continued on. “Cherry Blossom, are you letting the past catch up to you after all? You’re making my heart hurt. It’s such a sweet, sweet, sugary little story.” Adam stopped, pulling out a cigarette. He lights it with ease, the flame burning bright. “Yet it truly is a tear-jerker. A Cinderella story to say the least. All that suffering just for the prince to leave. After all, you were childhood friends.”
“Don’t compare something nonexistent to a fairy tale romance. It’s nothing like that and it never will.” Adam took a step towards Kaoru. Kojiro wished he was there to prevent every step he took towards Kaoru. He didn’t want Kaoru near Adam at all. “Would it knock some sense into you if I mentioned his name?” Kaoru looked up, his expression bewildered. “I suppose I don’t have to by judging your reaction.”
The crowd is murmuring again. Questions on who Adam’s talking about; Questions on what this man had in relation with Cherry Blossom. Adam went into a spiel from there. Something about love, something about it being a curse. “A past that follows a fairy tale romance. Yet you were scared. You were terrified. I remember you telling me all about it. We were all so innocent. You had found your one and only, if only you hadn’t kept quiet.”
“And you said you wouldn’t say anything about it.” Adam smiles menacingly, obviously having something planned. “Years ago, Kaoru, years ago, I said that. And years ago, you made that decision. To start anew, find a new flame.” Adam stops. “You never did that, did you?”
And that’s when it gets to where Kojiro could hear them. They’d been talking about him that whole time. Kojiro isn’t an idiot. He’s slow sometimes, but even he understands what’s going on. Kaoru had been in love with him. Yet it was something of the past. Kojiro knew he was too late. Kojiro always was far too late. He wasn’t mistaking the tone of Kaoru’s voice when he heard him say those words.
The video progresses to where Kojiro makes his entrance—and fuck, he really looks like the bad guy in this situation, doesn’t he? If no one got any context at all, Kaoru and him looked like some secret couple who acted like they hated each other. Kojiro curses. They’re just friends. (As much as it pains him to say that, that’s all the were and will be.) If Kojiro tried to tell anyone otherwise, no one would believe it.
Adam created S, he’s a fucking god bestowing his presence to the world’s citizens. To have him come out, spew out bullshit, it sounds like the truth in the community’s ears. Kojiro wanted to throw his phone against the wall when he saw it. It was a bullshit video that only put Adam in the best lighting. In short, the video was a public humiliation stunt most likely arranged by Adam himself.
It pisses him off.
Fans and members of the S community proceeded to blow the video out of proportion. It was over nothing, a stupid argument that could’ve been resolved in private. People Kojiro barely knew decide to finally fucking psychoanalyze his life along with Kaoru’s. It was rude and unfair. They weren’t some characters in a comic book you can just headcanon onto. They were real people, for fuck’s sake.
But no, Adam with his dramatic ass just had to come in and pull that move. For fuck’s sake, Kojiro’s done.
Kojiro throws his phone onto his bedside table and fell back onto his mattress. He’s overthinking this. Then at the same time? He has every right to be angry over it. Kojiro sent Kaoru a few texts about it after seeing the video. He didn’t mention the feelings part of it, he’ll play dumb. It was best to do that after all.
Kaoru’s words ring in his head again. “I’d rather give up skating, than date someone like him.”
It paints a vivid image in his mind, Kaoru staring at him, face void of emotion. Kojiro shook his head and throws the comforter over himself. Kaoru wouldn’t look at him with that face of no emotion—Kaoru would give him that disgusted, hatred-filled look he always had. It was the default face during their years as strangers. If Kojiro saw that face after months considering himself Kaoru’s best friend again, that what hurts more than the rejection.
Kojiro turned around underneath the covers. He’s been restless the whole week. If Kojiro closed his eyes, he would remember the dream where Kaoru was in his arms, snuggled up close to him. The dream felt so real, Kojiro thought for a split-second: maybe he had a chance.
Why would Kojiro be a fool to even think that?
There’s a resemblance of everything before Adam had stepped in and caused the trainwreck that occurred.
Kojiro did his routine of eat, sleep, work, skate, and fuck Kaoru afterwards. Though there was an air between them. Kojiro couldn’t explain it but it created a rift, a rift that slowly made its way to be seen. They weren’t fine. It was that obvious.
Kojiro finds himself desperately kissing Kaoru.
He stepped through Kaoru’s door and kisses him, hands roaming Kaoru’s body. He’s not in the mood for waiting. Right now, all he needs is for Kaoru to make a mess of him. He doesn’t care how it happens, he needs to take his mind off of his own feelings, whatever the fuck is happening at S, his own personal finances—he needs to destress. Kojiro feels around Kaoru, pressing Kaoru’s back right against the wall.
He does his usual, bite down, explore Kaoru’s mouth, and feel the lines of Kaoru’s body. Kojiro was greedy to cover whatever pain he’s feeling right now. It was selfish. Selfish of him to try and hide his feelings underneath flower petals and expect them to not blow away. It’s selfish of him to keep on expecting Kaoru will be there for him, when he knows that’s not true.
Kojiro wonders if taking too much for him at once now will help mask away whatever pain he feels now.
He keeps on going. Kissing Kaoru, biting at his neck, feeling Kaoru’s growing erection, Kojiro can’t stop. He can’t stop knowing how much it’s going to hurt him in the long run. This all probably wasn’t worth it. It was a waste of his feelings and time.
Yet for Kojiro? Just one more minute, one more moment, before it’s going to all come crashing down.
Kaoru gasps for air before he shoves Kojiro off, bringing him back out of his mind. Kojiro didn’t know what’s going on. “Kojiro. You’re crying, what’s going on?” Kojiro touches his face, he feels the tears but his eyesight was barely blurring. He could see Kaoru’s expression. He was confused, looked like he was there for him. That face pains Kojiro, he didn’t want to see it. Kaoru’s own words tauntingly rang in Kojiro’s ears. Repeating louder and louder every time.
“I’d rather give up skating, than date someone like him.”
Kojiro sees his own tears stain the carpet before he unceremoniously grabs his bag, somehow mumble a “I’m sorry,” and stumbles out of Kaoru’s apartment. If Kaoru tried to stop him, it went to deaf ears. Kojiro fucked things up and he wasn’t going to do anything about it. Fuck, he couldn’t even do anything about it.
So like the coward Kojiro was, he ran.
Three weeks pass and there isn’t anything from Kaoru.
That’s a lie. Kojiro muted Kaoru, he barely saw the messages as he was leaving Kaoru’s place. Kojiro won’t appear on S headlines for a while if he doesn’t appear at Crazy Rock. Kojiro’s aware of how much of a nuisance he was to Kaoru. He’s probably glad Kojiro wasn’t bothering him with those pet names and random texts he sent him at two in the morning. He’s doing Kaoru a favor out of this.
Kojiro misses Kaoru. That’s something he can’t deny. He’s still wallowing over his own emotions and whatever they have. He wipes down a table. It’s almost closing for the restaurant, he needs to lock up soon. One of the new part-time employees speaks up. “Mr. Nanjo, sir! I can get the rest of the tables!” Kojiro smiles, “Thanks, but I can handle it.”
“No, no, sir! I’ll get it!” The employee grabs the towel from Kojiro’s hands. “Please let me do this, and rest! The whole crew has noticed you’ve been working nonstop regarding the restaurant, we just want you to rest.” Kojiro sighs.
“I’m really not overworking myself, I’m just getting serious as summer’s approaching and we’ll have much more customers compared to now by next month. But if you say so,” Kojiro looks at the girl’s name tag, “Hana. Thank you for helping out.” Hana salutes, “Just doing my job, Mr. Nanjo!” God, Kojiro loved enthusiastic kids like her. They really were the best people to work with.
As Hana runs off to clean the tables, Kojiro unlocks his phone.
He supposes it wouldn’t be too harsh to check on messages Kaoru had sent him. Probably just a quick “fuck you” or spammed texts on how he should’ve responded sooner. Kojiro looks over, he blinks. Kaoru sent him over three hundred messages the past three weeks. He opens the most recent message. It was from five days ago.
kaoru
kojiro, please, the least you can do is read what i’m sending.
please.
kojiro, can you just talk to me? we can end our arrangement if you hate it, just please, kojiro, can we just talk?
kaoru
kojiro. i don’t think you’re going to see this, if you’re willing to talk, i’ll be at the park we used to go to as kids on saturday at nine.
kaoru
i’ll be waiting.
Kojiro furrows his brow. Maybe he should go, maybe he should talk things out with Kaoru. He looks at the time and stops. Shit. It’s ten minutes till nine and it’s a Saturday. Kojiro cursed. “Hana, I’m leaving you to close the shop, the keys are in my office. Something just came up, I’m trusting this to you.” Kojiro didn’t take off his apron or wait for a reply. He can still make it.
The park is two blocks down from his restaurant if he sprints at full speed he’ll make it in time. Kojiro didn’t care how he looked, he just has to make it in time. He has to. It’s the only chance he’ll get to fix whatever the hell is going on between them. Kojiro swears and pushes himself to run faster. He can feel the burn from his legs, but he kept on going till he could see the flickering lamplights of the park.
He was about to smile and say he made it, yet when he got there, there wasn’t anyone in sight. The park was empty, a flickering light from the lamp reminding him that this wasn’t a picture standing still in time. He mutters a curse and sat on the swing, defeated.
He felt the tears welling up again. If only he hadn’t caught feelings. Kojiro shook his head. No, that’d be impossible, when he really thought about it—he’d been in love with Kaoru for the longest time. He just hadn’t noticed it. Twenty years of being oblivious to your own feelings to realize it this late. Kojiro’s pathetic. He stands to get back to the restaurant. He shouldn’t have left Hana to close up all alone.
“You’re here.”
Kojiro looks up. He couldn’t believe it, it was Kaoru. Kojiro beams, smiling even, but stops himself. As much as he wants to get up, Kaoru probably doesn’t want to be touched by him. Kojiro motions to the free seat beside him. Kaoru takes a seat right next to him. “You actually came.” Kojiro shrugs as if he hadn’t ran two blocks as fast as he could. “Yeah, I did.” He hears Kaoru take a breath.
“You can’t just do that.”
“I know.”
“You can’t just leave when someone asks ‘what’s wrong?’ and just fucking ghost them afterwards.”
“I know.”
“You can’t just do that to your—your best friend.” Kojiro stays quiet before sighing, “I know.” Kaoru turns to him, tears welling in his eyes. “Then why did you do it, Kojiro? Tell why the fuck did you run away? Tell why you’ve been ignoring me for weeks, making me feel like I’ve done something wrong, and it hurts. I thought I was your friend—“
“Well, I’m fucking sorry.” Kojiro stood up, he can’t take this any longer. “I’m so fucking sorry that I don’t want to be your friend! I’m sorry that I—I’m a fucking mess who brought you into whatever the hell we are, because guess what? I don't even know! You say I’ve made you feel like you’ve done some bullshit, but that doesn’t even match the fucking years, you—you left me in the dark for absolutely no reason!”
Kojiro watches as Kaoru looks away. It hurts so fucking much, but Kojiro has to say it.
“You fucking just up and leave, and I don’t know why! I thought you were going to stay by my side, or at least stay my friend. Then I have to hear it from fucking Adam that you’ve been saying you ‘hate me’ out of nowhere. Kaoru, do you even know what confusion you put me through? I wasn’t even mad at you, goddammit.” Kojiro feels the tears make their way down his face. It felt like a stab right into his heart every time he says it out loud. He runs a hand through his hair.
“Then we somehow just stayed enemies or rivals, or something for eight fucking years and we never resolved… we never resolved us, and that’s largely my fault because, hah, we started this. And, just… just goddammit.” Kojiro sat on the floor, facing Kaoru. He let his heart out. He felt light. The silence that takes over them wasn’t calm or awkward. it was just a silence that filled in the gaps. It didn’t do anything.
“I left because I realized I was in love with you.”
Kojiro lets out a bitter laugh, “Yeah, I figured that much by watching the video… Was the thought of being in love with me really that horrible?” Kojiro would’ve hoped Kaoru hesitated answering that question, yet he didn’t. It was straight and flat, “Yes. It was horrible.” Kojiro smiles sadly to himself and gets up. He dusts off his apron, he really shouldn’t have come out here.
“I see… At least you didn’t realize you were in love with your old childhood best friend turned fuck buddy. I’m glad you’re over me, Kaoru.” Kojiro turns to leave but Kaoru grabs his wrist. “What do you mean ‘in love with your old childhood best friend turned fuck buddy?’ Are you saying you—you’re… you’re in love with me?” Kojiro tries not to roll his eyes, he puts on a fake grin. He breaks his hand away from Kaoru’s grip, he doesn’t want to feel the warmth Kaoru had.
“It’s exactly what it means, Kaoru. I know you’re already over me so it’s no big deal. After all, you’re willing to drop dead rather than date me so I’m not gonna force you through that pain.” Kojiro hoped the tears in his eyes weren’t going to fall. Goddammit, it was getting harder to keep them back. “Man, I just really wanted to kiss you one last time before we’d end it all, you know?”
“Don’t fucking say that.” Kojiro hums, he raises a brow. “Say what exactly?”
“You’re saying it like you’re just giving up? You weren’t even going to try, Kojiro? That’s not who I thought—”
“For fuck’s sake, Kaoru, why can’t you get it? Why would I try? Do you really need me to spell it out for you? It hurts too much to try when the guy you’re in love with tells you he’d drop the thing he’s been working his whole life and passion on then be with you. It’s painful to try and keep things normal, hell, did we even have something normal? But it’s painful, Kaoru, to do any of that, when I’m the dumbass who thought I had a chance. Does that answer your question?” Kaoru’s quiet again. Kojiro clicks his tongue and turns to leave, he doesn’t want to see Kaoru’s expression. He’s already revealed everything to Kaoru, there’s nothing left to say. “Kaoru, we don’t have to continue this if my feelings get in the way. I could care less either way.”
Kojiro feels a hand grab him, and turn him. Next thing he knows, Kaoru’s lips are on his.
This kiss was different from all the times they’d fucked before. It was a kiss that felt reserved for a lover. It was a soft kiss that wasn’t driven by lust or alcohol. It was a soft kiss that felt right. Kojiro breaks the kiss and looks away from Kaoru. “Are you trying to make me feel even more like shit right now?”
“Kojiro, shut up or I will kiss you again.”
“Don’t force yourself to do that, Kaoru.” Kaoru hits his chest lightly. “Let me fucking speak, you moron.” Kojiro shuts up. He wills himself for Kaoru’s rejection, he doesn’t want to hear it really. A sugar-coated version of a rejection probably was too much for Kojiro’s already fragile heart.
“You can’t just assume my feelings flat out, you know. Sure, we’ve known each other since we were eight, but that doesn’t mean we can read each other’s minds. Kojiro, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we suck at communicating, and we’re almost thirty. We can’t keep dancing around this because you and I both know it’s spiraling down.” Kojiro furrows his brow. He doesn’t know where Kaoru’s going with this. “Kojiro, what I’m saying is, don’t give up on me just yet. Because, what I said that day was an exaggeration, there were multiple factors that went into it.” Kaoru looks at him.
“Kojiro, stop thinking that your love in unrequited because it isn’t. All you had to do was say something, and maybe, we could’ve saved a lot of time.”
Kojiro stares at Kaoru. He wasn’t lying, this wasn’t a dream. Kojiro felt the tears coming his way again. He wipes at his eyes, “Damn you, Kaoru…” Kaoru laughs. It’s sweet and it makes the butterflies in Kojiro’s stomach flutter even more. He really has a chance after all.
“So, give me a chance, Kojiro.”
Kojiro smiles, the first time he’d felt happy since absolutely everything that happened. It was weird. Standing in the old playground you played as kids only to be in the arms of a lover after screaming your heart out. Kojiro runs a hand through his hair. Drunk mistakes had a funny way of playing out in the end.
“Kaoru, you wouldn’t have to ask me twice.”