Chapter Text
“You are sure this is what you want? My love for you dear sister would never begrudge you...” Penelope fiddled with her braid as she sat cross legged on her younger sister’s bed. She did not wish her to make a rash decision to simply speed along Penelope’s plan.
Felicity hummed to stop her, smiling down at the small diamond shimmering in the candlelight.
“I admire him greatly, I have no doubt we will grow to love each other. Mostly I know I will be well looked after, and he does make me laugh. But most importantly he takes joy in making me happy.”
Penelope smiled, her sister the most beautiful and pragmatic of the Featherton girls. Well, not for much longer anyway. Soon Penelope would be the lone spinster with the name, a Miss among the Mrs.
“I am so happy for you.” Penelope meant it with everything within her. “I long to be an aunt.”
They giggled at the joke, their other two sisters had three children between them. How babies could be as insipid and useless as their parents at such a young age amazed them both. Penelope still sent gifts to them, small things to fascinate little minds but she would not watch them grow.
Which is for the best.
“And you are certain of your plan?”
Penelope nodded her head vigorously, did nothing to hide the tears that pricked her eyes.
“We make new dreams when the others wither and die.” Penelope couldn’t help but whisper, always afraid that her mother’s indifference to her could suddenly change and she was secretly lurking in the shadows.
Felicity knew all of Penelope’s secrets, even the ones Eloise was not privy to. Her friend would never understand the choices she had, the one’s Penelope had always been without.
“You will always have a place in my home, and I expect to have an open welcome to yours.” Felicity threw back the covers of her bed, an invitation for Penelope to crawl in. It made her heart ache for the girl she used to be.
Once within the warmth they laid face to face.
“You will be happy won’t you Penelope?” If Felicity had not already been so special to her heart she would have become so in that instance.
“I shall try, that is all I can promise you.”
But if Penelope did not find sleep for most of the night no one could blame her.
It was a plan almost a year in the making, brought on by what Penelope always did...listen where she wasn’t supposed to.
It was after Philipa’s engagement and the last season before Felicity would be presented. Penelope had been Whistledown so long that she lost most of her fear of being discovered. Instead she hid behind columns and watched the couples in their rapture.
Women wearing clothes she dreamed of being allowed, deep greens and gold instead of garish orange and yellows. Women so beautiful that even in their limited role in society they had options, a luxury Penelope had never been able to afford. For they played their games and turned away attention, love a possibility but never a need.
She considered it unfair that she’d never had such a choice. Maybe if she hadn’t met Colin that day she would have tried even a little. Her heart was all she had and she’d lost it too easily.
She shook her head, best not to think of him and what country he might be in at the present. He was not her concern and she knew well enough she had never been his.
She sipped her lemonade and heard the high pitched preen of her mother’s voice. She was well into her cups, mirth overflowing at the conquest of one of her daughters.
“Well Philipa did ask me to move into her marriage home. Yet until Felicity has secured her future I can do no such thing.”
“I cannot imagine young Felicity will be on the market long, such a blossom that one.” Penelope wasn’t sure who it was, her mother’s friends all melded into one simpleton in her mind.
“Tis true, ‘tis true.” Portia Featherington did not need to be told of her youngest charms, but she reveled in it. “But then there is Penelope.”
There were a few hums of agreement and a soft muttering of, “There there.” Penelope felt her heart stop, cheeks reddening at overhearing them speak of her so.
“Alas my plight shall be to grow old in Penelope’s company. A mother cannot desert her child in the greatest hour of their need.” Portia Featherington held nothing back. “But I do so wish to be a doting grandmother.”
More like you want to live in an estate in the country with many servants at your disposal.
Penelope made haste in her departure from the group, the sting of tears too real to ignore. She searched for Eloise amongst the throng of people, her closest friend the shoulder she needed. She was utterly surprised to see her dancing animatedly with an attractive partner. No doubt the man was falling for her charms, Eloise unaware of how becoming she was, regardless of three refused proposals.
Instead Penelope hid behind a large curtain and breathed deep to slow down her rapid heartbeat.
Was she so detested by her own mother?
It was not as if Penelope wasn’t aware where she ranked for Portia in her children, it was not a surprise. Yet hearing it said thusly, it bewildered her how much it hurt.
How she longed to knock the glass of champagne from her mother’s hand, to shout to the ton that she was the only reason her family had any funds at all. She had purchased their gowns, paid for the maids and ribbons. She had done it all but she was to them nothing but a burden.
Including yourself.
And in that moment the realization hit her, she had made who she was a trial to herself. She held everyone in this room to her every word. Positions gained and lost by the ink she commanded, their money in her bank account.
Penelope Featherington may not have the options allowed to most but she had some, and could have more if she played her cards right.
So with the funds she’s earned from Whistledown and the investments she’d made, well she could lead whatever life she chose. With a companion she could travel, go across Europe and witness the secrets it held. She could go to the new world, leaving everything behind and become someone else entirely. She could pretend she was widowed, allowing her a freedom no single unmarried woman could imagine.
Yet when she searched her heart for what she truly wanted it was a home. Somewhere safe and warm and hers alone. She wanted to be able to plan her evenings, pick her clothing and make simple daily decisions without her mother’s disapproving scowl.
So she made a detailed plan and she plotted it carefully. Her solicitor found her a quaint home in Bath, it needed repairs but those were easily done. It had room enough for her and guests should she have any. When the time was right it would be revealed that it had been bequeathed to her by some distant family relative. It was not stately enough for her mother to take any interest, or so Penelope hoped. Especially if the inheritance gave her just enough money for a cook and maid. Her mother didn’t need to know how well off her daughter could actually live should she choose.
She would no longer be genteel, living alone without family or a protector was frowned upon. But in Bath society she would be no more eccentric than anyone else. The ton was not something she would miss, but especially not their judgement.
It would mean, however, that she would have to say goodbye to Whistledown for good. Penelope was amazed at the relief she felt at the fact. She was proud of what she’d accomplished, in reality it might be all that she did of note in her life, and yet no one would know.
In the end it would just be another part of Penelope Featherington that no one would see. The list was a long one.
What she’d not taken into account was her loving and devoted younger sister. In the month before her season was to start she had come to Penelope’s room late in the night for a chat.
“I cannot marry Pen, not when it will leave you alone with her .” Felicity had grabbed her hand, always acting as if her older sister was some sort of saint. “You have taken the brunt from her all your life, let her detest me instead.”
Penelope could not allow such a thing, she would not. They both longed for families of their own, to run a house and bear children that would know a mother’s love they had not received. For one of them it was a real possibility and Penelope wanted her sister to seize it.
Therefore she let her secrets out. Watched Felicity’s shocked face as she revealed all. When Penelope had finished her sister had hugged her fiercely.
“You are amazing.”
To hear that from one of the few people who Penelope believed meant it warmed her greatly. They’d laid together that night, making plans so outlandish that their mother’s maid had been awoken just to tell the daughters to quiet down.
But now as Penelope lay there months later, Felicity curled beside her, no doubt dreaming of the beautiful life she was about to lead...well the tears came.
She would be strong. Penelope would choose from her lot and blossom as best as a garden weed could. Tomorrow she would send a message to her solicitor to put the final phase of their plan in motion.
And then your life begins.