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Okay, yeah, Dabi was officially never leaving the League alone ever again. He'd been away for two days. Two days. And somehow, they managed to pull this kind of shit. He just wanted to spend a nice weekend away from the League with his boyfriend and now he was really close to burning down the entire place.
"Wait, no, run me by that again." Dabi said, groaning as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
Spinner shifted in his place, nervously playing with his hands. The League had basically played rock-paper-scissors to decide who was telling Dabi what they'd done, not because they thought he'd be mad, but the opposite, they were afraid he'd be so happy he'd accidentally burn down the closest thing or person to him, in this case, Spinner.
"We—uh, we figured out Endeavor's wife was in a mental hospital, and we kidnapped her."
How had they even pulled that stunt during the two days he was away with Hawks, Dabi was not sure.
"... And why the fuck did you do that!?"
"Don't ask me, ask Shigaraki!" Spinner squeaked, fearing for his life even a little bit as he saw steam slowly starting to rise from between Dabi's patches of purple skin where it was connected to healthy skin through staples.
Dabi took a deep breath.
It's fine, it was fine, right? Dabi just had to somehow either convince the League to let his mom go, or figure out how to get her out of there himself. It's not like his mom would recognize him either, right?
Opting to ignore Spinner now, Dabi strolled past him and into the bigger room of the hideout, which probably used to be some sort of store room before, but now had a couple of couches and a rather old TV sitting or a corner, complete with a small wooden table full of stains because the League had been raised on stables and no one except Compress or Kurogiri ever bothered to clean whatever they spilled on there.
Spinner soon followed him inside the room, and there he found the rest of the League except for Kurogiri, all lounging in the couches or the floor, and sitting right in the middle of it was Rei Todoroki.
She still looked young, but there was an aura around her, proof of everything she'd been through, and small bags under her eyes that made her look tired. And somehow, that's how Dabi remembered her: tired of having to look after 4 kids while dealing with her abusive husband, and yet she was always kind and warm. The thing about Enji and Rei was that, while Enji had the fire Quirk, he was the cold, distant parent, whereas Rei, who had the ice Quirk, was always the warm, caring one.
She looked up, distracted from her conversation with Compress, and spotted Dabi, who had stopped right after coming into the room and setting eyes on her.
At first, she smiled, but then she frowned, and Dabi felt a chill go down his spine. That was the look she gave him when he was in deep shit, the look he had only ever gotten once before, when he convinced Natsuo that dirt was chocolate cake and he ended up eating so much dirt from the garden they had to rush him to the hospital.
Why was she looking at him like that?
"Touya Todoroki!" she started, on her scolding mom voice, and oh, that was why she was looking at him like that, fuck. "I know you did not fake your death, joined the villains, and are standing right there now and not coming over instead and giving your mother a hug!"
Dabi opened his mouth to answer, but at first nothing came out. Even the League seemed to be standing back in shock, looking from Dabi to Rei and back to Dabi again, seemingly processing what she'd said.
Finally, Dabi could find his voice again, and what he managed to say was:
"Which one of you fucktarts decided it was a good idea to kidnap my mom!?"
That seemed to break the spell the League was under, all of them launching into different choruses of 'Mom!?' and again looking from Dabi to Rei.
"Touya!" she repeated, and Dabi immediately complied, practically almost running over to her and awkwardly hugging her.
Rei seemed satisfied, grabbing Dabi's face between her hands softly.
"Oh, honey, look at you, you're so different."
"How did you know it was me then?"
"Touya I am your mother, I would recognize my baby anywhere, even behind scars and cheap dye. By the way baby, we ought to do something about that, your roots are showing, want me to help you with that?"
"You're Endeavor's son!?" Shigaraki shrieked.
"News—fucking—flash." Dabi growled as Rei continued to gently run her fingers through his hair.
Toga jumped from her place on the sofa. "This is good, right? Not only do we have his wife, we have his son!"
"Oh, yeah, he won't care." Dabi interrupted, cutting Twice's cheering at Toga's words short.
"I beg your pardon?" Compress said.
"He won't care. I mean, maybe he will have a heart attack if he finds out one of his precious children is a villain now, but that alone won't take him out. He'd probably say it's not an honorable death for a hero or something like that and survive out of pure fucking spite."
"Okay… He won't care about you, but he'll care about his wife being kidnapped, right?" Spinner asked now.
"No, honey, he won't care about me either." Rei answered, now busying herself with straightening some wrinkles on Dabi's shirt.
"If you wanted to really get a reaction out of him you should have, you know, kidnap the right family member he cares about? My little brother Sho, his 'masterpiece'? Now that would have pissed him off." Rei nodded, agreeing with Dabi.
"Sho?" Magne repeated, arching an eyebrow.
"You know, UA student, half red half white hair? Pretty hard to miss."
"We can discuss all that later, now, Touya, I am upset you didn't bother to visit me before, but I can't really scold you for it considering your brother was the same before he met that other kid at UA. But please, for the lord's sake, tell me your sister and your brothers at least know about this."
"Well…"
"I can't believe you, Touya." Rei shook her head disapprovingly before whipping out a phone from seemingly thin air and quickly starting to call someone.
"Mom, what are you…!?" Rei silenced Dabi with a hand gesture as she placed the call on speaker, a sudden voice coming from the other side.
"Mom!? Are you okay!?"
"Oh, Shoto, honey, I'm alright."
"Where are you!? You were kidnapped!"
"I'm with your brother, his friends…"
"Not my friends." Dabi interrupted. "... Were the ones who kidnapped me." Rei carried on, seemingly ignoring Dabi.
"What?"
"Yes, I'm with Touya honey, so tell your siblings that, okay? Just don't tell your dad."
"... Mom, Touya is dead."
"Oh not at all, no. He's just different now, but wasn't he always? I don't completely approve of the staples on his face, but…"
"Staples? Wait, mom, are you with Dabi?! The League kidnapped you?!"
"Yes, I just told you I'm with your brother."
"Are you saying… That Dabi is Touya?"
"Yes," Rei answered. "he very much is."
On the other side of the line, Shoto took a deep breath.
"... Natsuo and Midoriya owe me a free meal at my favorite soba place now, I told them I was right."
"Wait, you knew?" Dabi asked, directly addressing his brother for the first time.
"Obviously, Touya, you're not very good at hiding it."
"I know someone who would beg to differ…" he huffed.
"I just wanted to let you know I'm alright. I didn't call your sister because she would probably get your father as soon as she saw I was calling, and Natsu said he had an important test in a couple of days and that boy would probably come here immediately and drop everything. So just let them know for me, okay baby? I'll call them later."
"Okay mom."
"Alright, thank you, love you baby."
"Love you too mom. And Touya?"
"What?"
"This is for faking your death: bitch." and then the little shit hung up, earning laughter from Toga and Shigaraki, and an indignant gasp from Dabi.
"Mom, he insulted me!" he complained, like the 5 year old he apparently was now.
"You kind of had that one coming, honey, I'm sorry. You did keep your siblings and me in the dark about this, as much as I don't approve of your brother using that language to refer to you, he had the right to say it."
"You're taking his side because he's the baby in the family!"
"Maybe, maybe not. Now, everyone, get to work. The rest of my babies may be here soon, and this place is hardly clean." Rei paused, looking over at Kurogiri. "No offense."
"Don't worry, ma'am. I understand the current hideout is hardly… Hygienic. I try to clean, but it often doesn't last long until it's a mess again." Kurogiri sighed.
"Well, that's perfect, because whoever makes a new mess gets to clean it by themselves. Where are the cleaning supplies?"
"I'm not cleaning anything up." Shigaraki snarled from his place on the individual couch.
And oh, did Dabi feel sorry for Shigaraki. In a moment, Rei was already giving him the stern mom look™. The one that read 'I'm not asking you, I'm telling you to do it unless you want to be grounded'.
Dabi didn't know anything about Shigaraki's life before he was taken in by that no face bitch All for Grooming, he didn't know if he even had a mom before that, but apparently Shigaraki was familiar enough to recognize what that look meant. He suddenly sat up straight.
"Well?" Rei asked, raising a brow.
"Yes, ma'am." Shigaraki immediately answered.
And suddenly, she was back to her soft smiley self.
"Oh wonderful! Glad you can help us, now pick up a broom, c'mon."
… So that's why Fuyumi could be incredibly bossy, scary and sweet, all at the same time, she had just picked it up from Rei.
Three days. It had taken a total of three days before Rei practically took over being the new mom to the League. She quickly bonded with each member, even Shigaraki, and apparently she'd decided she was fine with staying with the League. That morning, when Dabi took her aside in the midst of helping her make breakfast, like he used to when he was a 5 year old boy, and asked her when she was going back, Rei simply dismissed him with a wave of her hand.
"Not for now, honey. The League could use a mom right now, and I have plenty of free time. I don't miss my plain room back at the hospital."
Which was fair, he guessed. Anyone would get bored of being in a mental hospital.
So he just decided to let her be for now. And during those three days, she'd managed to get everyone to clean the hideout, got rid of the mysterious stains on the couch, made the kitchen not look like a mess, actually got Shigaraki to organize and clean all his game consoles and Toga to organize her knife collection.
It was honestly kind of surprising how she'd managed to practically get the League on a leash on so little time. Well, mom powers, he supposed. Or maybe it was a power limited to Rei Todoroki, who had to deal with raising four kids pretty much on her own.
And apparently, today was reunion day.
Hawks had shown up at the League's hideout, tired after three entire days of radio silence from Dabi. At the start of their relationship, even an entire week of no texts from Dabi was not weird at all, but at the point they were in now, a single day without texts from the pyro was… Weird. Three days? Yeah, Hawks was worried sick, and he was half expecting to find his boyfriend sick and bedridden, because unless he was dying, Dabi had no fucking right to just ghost him for three days straight.
The knives flying his way when he walked in, that he expected. It was Toga's way to greet him. What he didn't expect, however, was…
"Toga, sweetie, what did we say about throwing knives to anyone walking in?" Rei said, looking up from the book she was reading on the couch.
Toga pouted. "To make sure they can dodge first." she answered.
"That's right, sweetie."
Rei had tried— really she had, to get Toga to stop throwing knives to anyone walking in. She quickly realized that was not possible and instead managed to at least convince Toga to double-check if the person walking in could duck, after Toga almost chopped off Spinner's finger yesterday.
Hawks, however, was just frozen in place, staring directly at Rei. Finally, he squeaked like a duck, his wings fluffing up.
"Miss Todoroki! Why are you here?!" Rei turned to look at him, giving him a sweet smile.
"Keigo, it's been so long since I last saw you, honey! Oh, Touya's friends took me here."
"Touya's friends?... The League kidnapped you!?"
"You didn't know? Oh, I guess Enji hasn't reported it, then. Oh well. What are you doing here, sweety?"
"I… Um…" and suddenly, Hawks realized he had no way to explain to Rei Todoroki, the technically still wife to Endeavor, what was he, the current number two hero doing, into the League of Villains' hideout. Not to mention he didn't know whether Rei was aware of his… Relationship with Touya. Wait—Touya?!
"You know Touya is Dabi!?"
Rei huffed, apparently amused. "I'm his mother, of course I knew."
"You knew as well? That's so unfair, Dabi didn't tell us!" Toga piped in from her spot on the other couch.
"Well…"
Shigaraki snickered from his place on the individual couch, apparently finding it amusing. "I knew it! Spinner, pay up!"
Spinner poked his head into the room, blinking in confusion.
"What?"
"Dabi and Hawks are fucking, now pay."
"What!?" Hawks squeaked again. "I never said that!"
"Didn't deny it either." Shigaraki mumbled, putting on his gloves to count the money Spinner passed him. "You owe Magne as well."
Spinner groaned.
"And Jin!" Toga piped in. "Or he owes you?... I don't know, I think he placed a bet for both sides."
"Kids, it's not okay to place bets on people's personal lives." Rei scolded, sounding like she was talking to her own kids. But besides that, it didn't look like she was affected by Shigaraki's statement.
Finally, Dabi himself entered the place, looking surprised at first at seeing Hawks there, but then relief washed over his face.
"Kei, thank fuck you're here."
"Touya…" Hawks drawled, forcing a smile on his face that immediately gave Dabi goosebumps. Great, he was in trouble again, and this time it was with his boyfriend instead of his mom, which wasn't all that better. "Care to explain what your mother is doing here? And why didn't you told me?"
Dabi tensed up. He knew he forgot about something…
"Well…"
"Touya, a word?" Dabi gave a quick nod, obediently following Hawks to the other room as Compress passed by them, giving a quick greeting to Hawks before slipping into the living room with everyone else.
They waited until he was well out of earshot before Hawks sharply turned to look at Dabi, throwing him an accusatory look.
"Why did the League kidnap your mom!?"
"I didn't know, I swear! I just arrived after I came from seeing you and she was already here. Apparently, they thought they could get my old man to burst a blood vessel or something if they kidnapped her. Of course, it didn't work, the bastard hasn't even made it public yet that she's with the League."
Hawks took a deep breath.
"And you didn't think it relevant to tell me that your mom had been kidnapped by the League?"
"... I forgot…"
"You forgot?"
"I forgot."
"... Right. Well, did you at least tell your mom we're dating?"
"... I forgot."
"Touya!"
"I'm sorry! It's just— it's been crazy over here since she got kidnapped."
Keigo sighed.
"Okay, I get it."
"... To be fair, I think she already knows. I wasn't exactly subtle about having a crush on you back when we were kids. Actually, I think she mentioned she knew once."
"So that's why she didn't really look surprised when Shigaraki very much screamed for Spinner to pay him."
"Shit, they did bet on whether we were fucking or not? I thought Toga was just being Toga. Although I think there's another bet to whether there's feelings or not, if Toga also wasn't lying. Magne is gonna be rich then."
Keigo huffed in amusement.
"I don't doubt it, she's the only perceptive once besides Compress and Kurogiri. Your mom did scold them about betting about our personal business though—by the way, what's with that? Is she adopting the League or something?"
"Apparently, yeah. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they started calling her mom either, she's already getting everything done around here."
"So that's why the place doesn't smell like a burning trash can anymore."
"Right? It's nice, for once. Even managed to get those stains you left on the couch."
"Hey, that was on you!"
"Not my fault you got scared halfway through the movie and spilled yogurt all over the couch!"
"It is when it was you who scared me!" Hawks protested, hitting Dabi on the shoulder.
Dabi whined, rubbing his abused shoulder.
"I take it your siblings know about this now? Or did you forget to tell them either, just like you also forgot to even tell me who you were at first?"
"You're still salty about that, I get it, I already apologized. And about that— the little shit I have as a baby brother said he already knew and called me a bitch. Right in front of mom too, she was on the phone with him! Who even teached Shoto that!?"
"Awww, did your teenage brother hurt your feelings, you big baby?"
"Fuck off, I get the message, you're also not going to defend my honor."
"As if there's anything to defend."
"Why am I dating you again?"
"Childhood sweetheart." Hawks answered, matter-of-factly. Dabi rolled his eyes.
"Right, and speaking of, let's just go tell my mom. Again, it's not like she'd even probably be surprised about it."
Hawks opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, Shigaraki went ahead and screamed at them from the other room.
"Dabi, stop getting into Hawks' pants and get here immediately to settle this!"
Hawks sighted. "How has your mom managed to deal with this bunch of crime-committing 5 year olds?"
"Beats me…" Dabi mumbled, making his way back to the living room with Hawks in tow.
"The fuck do you want, handsy?"
"Touya, respect Tomura, please."
"Yes, fucking respect me." Shigaraki parroted, like a kid winning an argument by having his mom on his side.
"The fuck. You want." he repeated, completely ignoring him.
Shigaraki scowled, but otherwise also decided to ignore that and instead just used one of his severed hands, probably father, as it was his favorite, to point towards the living room table.
There, laying in the middle, there was different piles of money.
"Are you fucking or not?" Spinner straight out asked.
Rei just sighted, apparently allowing this for now, much to Dabi's displeasure.
"Yes." Hawks answered, also much to Dabi's displeasure.
Toga cheered, next to her, Twice also did so before booing them. Apparently he, Magne and Kurogiri had already arrived.
"Before anyone else here pays…" Magne said. "Is it just fucking or are there feelings?"
Dabi and Hawks exchanged looks for a second, deciding what to answer. On one hand, they could just deny it, on the other, they were pretty sure Shigaraki had bet there were no feelings. And if there was one thing they both enjoyed was fucking with Shigaraki, besides, it was the truth so…
"Feelings." They both answered.
Now it was Magne who cheered, opening her hands as Spinner, Twice and Toga placed their money on her hands.
"Boss, pay up." she urged. Shigaraki growled, finally slapping the money he'd previously gotten from Spinner into Magne's hand.
"Tomura, please refrain from doing such bets on your comrades' lives, it's not appropriate." Kurogiri said.
"I agree." Rei immediately sided with him.
"What's this about placing bets?" a new voice asked. Everyone turned to look, finding Natsuo, Fuyumi and Shoto all standing at the door.
Rei immediately got up to greet them, not before they noticed Hawks standing by Dabi and sent questioning looks his way.
Hawks just waved at them. Natsuo looked over at Dabi and something apparently clicked on his brain, and suddenly he said: "Touya-nii, you're such a bitch."
Fuyumi smacked Natsuo on the head, Natsuo just complained, and Shoto busted out laughing. So, question answered, that's where he had learned that.
It was going to be a long day.
Since then, things only got even weirder around the League of Villains.
Rei had decided to stay, as much as Fuyumi insisted at first she went back to the hospital. Finally, she seemed to get the message, and now, it seemed the League (and Hawks) had gotten themselves a new mom.
It had gotten to a point where they all gifted Rei a very much dramatic (and either stolen or paid off by Hawks) white fur coat, insisting it was her "villain outfit".
And truth be told, as weird as it was sharing his mom with more people now, it was the happiest Dabi had seen her and his siblings in a while.
According to Natsuo and Fuyumi, it was even the happiest and most lucid they'd seen her since before she entered the mental hospital.
(Later on, Hawks had managed to steal some files and found out that was due to some very unnecessary medication they'd been giving Rei back at the hospital, which enraged not only the Todoroki siblings, but also the League. And since Rei forbade them from burning the hospital down, they resorted to turning a dumpster into their make-shift rage room, which ended up going up in blue flames and partially frozen and dusted.)
It had gotten to a point where now Toga called Rei "mom" too. (The rest of the League had not yet admitted it, but they would get there, eventually) And Rei had also insisted on putting together a game night and a movie night.
Endeavor, for some reason, didn't bother to really say Rei had been kidnapped, but something told Fuyumi and Shoto that he somehow knew they were aware of her whereabouts and decided not to ask.
Whatever the reason, it meant he had laid off from bothering Rei.
So, Aizawa didn't bother asking after the number two hero and a very much suspicious looking individual covered in black from head to toe had picked up Shoto for "family night" for the 4th time that month. He did not get paid enough for that.
So now, here they were, the Todorokis plus the League and Hawks (that Natsuo had joked is 'an honorary League member, isn't he?', only for Shoto to add 'And an honorary Todoroki, until Touya puts a ring on it', which caused for both Dabi and Hawks to choke on their popcorn) all gathered around the crowded table of the living room and trying to play boardgames. Keyword: trying.
At least today there were no sharp objects involved. Rei had banned objects sharp enough to cause serious harm after Toga almost stabbed Shoto for buying off the last property at monopoly last time. Knives couldn't be completely banned since, again, it was impossible to completely do so thanks to Toga. So she was only allowed to have some with dull blades when game night was happening.
"You did not just throw that card at me!" Shigaraki shrieked at Dabi, furiously pointing towards the UNO card on the table that read 'draw 4' on it.
"Too fucking bad, I did. Now get on with it."
"NO! TAKE IT BACK! Natsuo, tell him to take it back!"
"That's not how the game works! And don't you try to use my little brother to manipulate me into helping you cheat!"
"MISS TODOROKI, HE'S CHEATING!"
"DON'T ALSO TRY TO USE MY MOM! I'M NOT CHEATING, JUST GRAB YOUR FUCKING CARDS ALREADY!"
"Boys, stop screaming." Rei interrupted them before they could evolve into a full-on screaming match like last time. "Tomura, honey, grab your cards. And no taking your gloves off to dust them, alright?"
Shigaraki finally took the damn 4 cards, all the while muttering to himself something about Dabi being a bitch, causing Natsuo to snicker, since he was looking over Shigaraki's shoulder and 'offering guidance in the sacred art of winning at UNO'. Dabi just called it cheating.
And he was the bitch. Please. The smell of bullshit was strong here.
Natsuo whispered something to Shigaraki, and he seemed to ponder it for a moment before nodding. They exchanged a couple more whispers as everyone else, aka Hawks and Rei, took their turn now (because there were only so many UNO decks left after Shigaraki dusted every single one except for the special edition Shrek two one. Not everyone could play when they had one deck so they were taking turns).
Finally, Shigaraki's turn came again, and he practically slammed down a reverse card, all the while giving Dabi a look that meant he was fucked. So of course, Dabi did the logical thing and also pulled an UNO reverse card on his ass, flipping Shigaraki the bird.
Shigaraki growled, and again slapped a card on the table, the distinctive oval split in 4 signaling the change of colors, complete with the design of a blind rat from Shrek two.
"Green." he growled, clearly not happy. Rei complied, placing a green card down.
Hawks looked torn. He looked at his cards, then looked at Dabi, and then back at his remaining 5 cards. He took a breath, and above his shoulder Shoto said. "Do it."
Oh, that's right, Shoto had taken into 'helping' Hawks like Natsuo did, and Fuyumi was also doing the same for Rei. Dabi was the only one without another partner. Again, and he was cheating? Talk about being fucking unfair, and about Natsuo being a backstabbing bitch and choosing to help Shigaraki instead only because he apparently had some weird hand kink now.
Toga and Twice were just watching, same with Compress and Kurogiri, who were also preparing some drinks while they did so, Magne was alternating from looking at the game and at her phone, and Spinner was completely lost on playing this game on his phone someone had done based on Stain. Traitors, all of them.
Hawks finally looked at Dabi again, and with a straight face, he placed the draw 4 card down, the pigs and wolf dressed like a grandma from the movie seemingly mocking Dabi.
There was a long moment of silence, not even Twice or Toga, who were watching this go down with interest, said anything. Hawks did not apologize.
"I'm breaking up with you." Dabi said, looking dead serious as he reached for his damn 4 cards.
"Relationships that don't survive a single UNO game are not meant to last." Natsuo said, nodding as if he was revealing a universal truth.
"Karma." Shigaraki mumbled under his breath.
And so it began. The screaming started, and this time it wasn't only between Dabi and Shigaraki, Hawks had joined as well. They just started to attack one another, barely paying attention to anything around them, even ignoring their 'guides' now.
A card was placed on top of the pile, a blue 9 that had the iconic cat from the movie, before Rei said. "That was fun, boys."
The screaming suddenly stopped, and all three of them turned to look at Rei, who was smiling sweetly at them, her hands empty and signaling she won.
Toga was quick to cheer on her.
"Let's go mom, you crushed them!"
"I… When!?" Hawks said, looking directly at the last card.
Shigaraki just shrieked again, throwing his handful of cards into the table. Dabi was instead gaping at Rei.
"How about we pull out the Monopoly now? Toga, honey, you know the rules though." Rei said, completely ignoring the question.
Toga nodded "No sharp knives!" she chirped.
"And…?"
"... Stab the stab cushion, not other players!" she finished, grabbing a red cushion they had subdued the 'stab cushion', for when Toga was feeling particularly stabby. It had holes all over, but Toga's needs to stab someone were also somewhat sedated by having to sew new patches into the cushion again and again.
Magne came over, carrying the Monopoly with her.
Rei gave an enthusiastic nod. "Let's begin!"
"Mom…"
"Yes, sweetie?" Rei hummed.
"You don't have to do this." Shoto said.
"I very much have to, honey." she replied, not blinking an eye as she finally got Natsuo to let go of the 400$ he owed her from landing on her property, all the while just looking at Shoto.
"... 340?"
"500, and it's my last offer. Take it or leave it, baby."
Shoto looked at the board, then back up at Rei. Then at Toga who was frantically shaking her head no.
He took a deep breath.
"... Fuyumi, give me 200 please?"
Fuyumi shook her head, but complied, handing him the money. "Mom is ruthless, sorry Shoto."
"I'm just a business lady!" she piped in, taking the 500$ from the property he just sold Shoto.
When she proceeded to defeat all of them at Monopoly for probably the 3rd time in a row just that night without breaking a sweat, they just confirmed it: Rei Todoroki was ruthless. And yet, if anything else ever happened to her, the League, Hawks and the Todorokis would most likely burn, ice, stab or dust everything to the ground.