Chapter Text
The best kept secret in the neighborhood wasn’t a secret at all. Like a long-acclimated change in the weather, it was something one simply felt; something one got used to. As sure as the sun will rise, everyone knew: Corrin was in love with her handsome neighbor, Xander.
It was impossible to pinpoint, exactly, when the little infatuation started. The feelings grew as slowly as the years weathered the red tiling on her roof, and as surely as children outgrow the simpler pleasures that once could satiate their whims. All Corrin knew was that Xander was the rock of those formative years: the constant, unrelenting presence that held her steady.
Corrin first met Xander when she and her mother moved into their home in a quiet little suburb. The house was at the end of a cul-de-sac, sparsely populated with not-so-humble homes and their white picket fences. And like all children of divorces, Corrin didn’t quite understand why she had to settle into a new home; or why her mother seemed too busy with ever-increasing boxes of stuff. All that loneliness and all that neglect, a six-year-old could only understand so much. She could only do so much…
“Hey! You! What are you doing on my dad’s property?!” a baby-like voice called out from across the yard.
Corrin nearly jumped with fright. She had been strolling down the block, hoping to distract herself while her mother was busy with ‘the divorce’ (as she called it). Looking down at her feet, she noticed the tip of her mary-jane’s brushed against one blade of grass, teetering at the edge of a well-clipped sea of green that encompassed her neighbor’s property.
“S-sorry!” she piped up, quickly withdrawing her feet so they stayed flatly on the cement. “I didn’t know it was your dad’s pro-p.. proper— …”
“Property!” The small boy gave a haughty huff. “So simple… how could you not know?! Are you new here?!”
The boy, whom Corrin would later discover is named Leo, lost no time in marching across the precious lawn of his father’s to explain to her the extent of her violation. Their house was the biggest and nicest in the cul-de-sac. Their father is the biggest and ‘bestest’ man in the world. Therefore, to his draconian logic, Corrin would do well to stay out of their way.
Ever averse to conflict, Corrin readily nodded in agreement.
Such an agreeable disposition was not unwelcome in the eyes of Leo, who was quite happy with this new addition to the town. Satisfied with her answer, he quickly changed his tune and offered to give her a tour — since she was so new and all — that she might learn of her betters once she witnessed their grandeur.
Bored and, frankly, too confused to question any of this, Corrin agreed. The two children march across the lawn and into the manse which belonged to her clearly superior neighbors.
Little did Corrin know that she would end up meeting a family who would change her life. There was an older sister, who seemed aloof, if not patronizing, to the children. Once she spotted Leo and Corrin walking into the living room, the young woman ogled them like infants. “You’re just so cute!” she said, pinching Corrin’s cheeks.
Leo would then grumble that this was his sister Camilla. They also had an even babier sister, tucked away in a nursery that Corrin wasn’t allowed in.
“That’s my baby sister Elise. She’s still a worm,” Leo casually explained.
Like with every incomprehensible explanation Leo gave that day, Corrin nodded to remain pleasant. They then proceeded to the top floor of the house without much delay.
“Who’s that?” Corrin asked, curious about the silhouette of a much taller person whipping past the blinding light of a faraway room.
Back then, the whole world was much bigger. The world was much brighter. While the details of the scene were hazy, Corrin could still recall his taller figure leaning over a desk, pacing back and forth for an inexplicable reason that (Corrin was sure) had to do with ‘grown-up stuff.’
“That’s my older brother Xander. He’s in high school, and he’s going to college in two years, and he’s the best!” boasted Leo.
Hearing their commotion, the infamous Xander walked out of his room and into the hallway, where the two children huddled close to the stairs spying on him.
“Oh? Who’s this?”
At first glance, Xander wasn’t any more special than the faces Corrin would see on TV. He certainly wasn’t more handsome than her dad (who was the best and better than Leo’s dad, in her humble opinion), but Xander had a warm, glowing expression when he knelt in front of her, making sure they were eye-level when he introduced himself. “A new friend?”
In all six years of her life, Corrin was sure she never met anyone so genial and so welcoming. She stuttered nervously through her introduction, afraid that she would be as foolish as Leo accused her of being when she first stepped into the house. Still, the older brother didn’t seem anywhere near as ungenerous as the younger one, for he simply chuckled at her nervous display and patted her on the head.
“It’s okay,” he offered, tousling her already unkempt hair with the head pat. “Take your time.”
Years later, Corrin would remember that feeling — the touch of his large hands ruffling her head; the tender expression on his face when he greeted her; and the reassuring warmth of his tone that was so different from the cold and lonely nothingness that had changed her life ever since her parents’ divorce… From that day, Corrin knew everything would be okay. Even if she no longer had a dad, she would have Xander. Even if her mom would start to be too busy to be there, she would have her neighbors. When Corrin’s own family became broken, the family next door would be there to pick up the pieces and put it all back together.
Things started to change when Xander left for college. It happened two years after Corrin met the family. At that point, she had become a staple in their household, often joining them for dinner because her mother was working late. Things happened so fast. One day he graduated from high school, and by summer’s end he was gone — boxes packed and his room left in its pristine and minimalist condition.
At eight years old, Corrin didn’t quite understand yet what college meant. Leo explained it to her like it was going away for school, except he wouldn’t come back until holidays. Corrin had no reference for such things. As far as she knew, people didn’t leave for school, and didn’t Xander already graduate school? What else was that big ceremony for?! How confusing!
That fateful day, Xander climbed into his car, with the few boxes he had packed stored safely in the trunk, and drove away without looking back. It was oddly reminiscent of something she had buried deep in the recesses of her mind. A tragic scene, two years before, when her own father drove away without giving so much as a cursory glance back to express his remorse or regret. Much like her own father, it seemed that Xander was gone, and she doubted she would see him again.
Suddenly, the small little family she was making for herself fell back into pieces. Camilla herself was busy preparing for college, Leo was increasingly impatient to fill in for Xander’s shoes, and baby Elise was keeping the entire family’s attention. Garon, the neighbors’ father, grew increasingly cold and distant. Corrin heard rumors from her own mother that business wasn’t going well; that all the wealth and power was slowly flitting away from his grasp; that his oldest son left him on bad terms, eager to prove he was a capable heir to the family business.
All this was so confusing for a tiny child of eight. Growing up, it seemed, didn’t make things any better. It only made things worse.
“Oh no, sweetie,” Mikoto intoned to her daughter after hanging up from the phone, “it seems Garon… your friend Leo’s dad… he died.”
“What happened?!”
“They said it was a heart attack… We should go over there now.”
Corrin readily agreed. She put her book down on her study desk and quickly put on a frock for the cold chilly air. The pair walked as fast as they could, rushing to the family that had been such a solid foundation for them ever since they moved into the cul-de-sac.
To no one’s surprise, the house was already filled with people. Important colleagues, business partners, family, and friends… They were all already gathered, talking amongst themselves in hushed whispers. They formed an amorphous sea of gray blobs for the young Corrin, who struggled to push past waves of bodies in an effort to get to the living room where the children had gathered.
Nearly four years after Xander left, Corrin was surprised to find him in the middle of the crowd, sitting solemnly before them on the couch. Next to him, Camilla and Leo sat with their heads bowed low. Even the young Elise seemed wary of the mournful atmosphere that had pervaded the large manse.
For a brief instant, Xander and Corrin’s eyes met across the room. A blank expression washed over the solemn mask he had donned for the occasion, and slowly, his features softened, showing a tired smile the moment he recognized who she was.
Looking at him then, in a sea of blank faces, Corrin couldn’t help but recall the day Xander left. Somehow, seeing him somewhat weathered and hardened reopened something — a scar she didn’t even know she had. For the first time in a long time, a tear sprung from her eye, streaming rebelliously down her face despite her best efforts. Why was she sad? If Leo hadn’t been so focused on his own grief, surely he would have chastised her for so selfishly stealing the spotlight.
Yet nothing could assuage her troubled heart. Nothing save that knowing glance, received from a boy who was now a man, that let her know he remembered her. That, perhaps despite her own misconceptions, he might have regretted leaving them all behind.
“What’s wrong with you?! Stop crying!” Mikoto hissed through a harsh whisper. Corrin held tightly onto her hand. Despite being twelve, she felt so much smaller, so much younger than her already-young years.
The rest of the evening was a blur. There were more hushed whispers; more adults talking to Xander and expressing their deepest condolences. Yet for all the throngs of people eager to let the family know what a great man Garon was - what a loss they had endured - Xander and his siblings never looked lonelier. Watching from the proverbial sidelines, Corrin sniffled silently, eager and desperate to talk to them.
It wasn’t until late into the evening, when people started to filter out of the house, that Corrin finally got to talk to them. She first hugged Camilla, Leo, and Elise, who were huddled together in the living room. They shed no tears; they had no sad words to exchange — just empty gazes fixed on some aimless point in the distance.
The last person she saw was Xander.
Breathing in for courage, Corrin walked up the now familiar staircase, winding up to the corridor that led to him. It was strange how so little changed in six years. No longer so small, she saw that the hallway itself was rather narrow, and Xander’s room wasn’t as far away as she remembered. The door was left ajar, offering a peek into a room she hadn’t seen in so long. He was sitting on his desk, clearly deep in thought with his face buried in his hands.
Corrin glided down the hall and knocked airily on the side of the door. “Um, Xander? My mom and I are leaving now.” Her hands flattened against her sides from a mix of terror and nerves. “I’m really sorry about today, but… I’m glad you’re back.” She gulped back her embarrassment, choosing instead to brandish her own sympathetic smile.
Xander, for his part, looked up surprised. He hadn’t expected to see her there. “Oh,” he said, somewhat spaced out, “Corrin, it’s you…”
His shoulders drooped with a tired sigh, and a wrinkle deepened between his brows, as if the weight of the world hovered over him. “You’ve grown, huh? You and Leo… You were a baby when I last saw you.”
Corrin gaped blankly. “Baby? I was eight years old!” Her cheeks puffed up, somewhat irked that he would mistake her for the same age as his younger brother. She was an entire year older than Leo!
“Really? It’s been so long,” he replied with a breathy laugh. He ran a tired hand through his scalp, brushing back tangled curls that showed just how little he had slept in the past few days. “Well, thank you… and thank your mother for coming. I would go down and thank her myself, but—”
Corrin shook her head and cut in, “No, it’s okay. She understands. She just wanted me to tell you all that she’s here— … We’re here if you need us.” She tacked on her words of support with a bubbly grin, putting on her best face like her mother taught her.
To that, Xander’s mouth twitched with a subdued chuckle, but his gaze fixed crestfallen on a piece of paper sitting on his desk. “Thank you, Corrin. I appreciate that.” He rose lethargically from his seat, traversing the span of his room to the door.
Like a replay of familiar events, Xander hunched down. He didn’t have to kneel all the way to the floor like he did when they first met, but he nevertheless made the effort to meet her gaze. Patting her on the head, he ruffled her tidily brushed hair and said, “Now go on home. It’s getting late.”
Corrin nodded obediently. She turned to leave without another word, hazarding only one glance over her shoulder as she walked away to catch one more sight of him. Xander was already back on his chair, leaning back exasperated as he closed his eyes and, it seemed, tried to sleep.
Days later, Xander, it seemed, was ready to take his rightful place and moved back in with the family. It was a slow change — intermittently filled with periods of the eldest sibling’s return and strangely sporadic disappearance. It was clear, based on what Corrin had noticed, that he wasn’t exactly going to come back for good.
Yet there were days, sometimes weeks, when he seemed to stay with no intention of ever again leaving. Back then, she would pull back the curtains from her bedroom window and peek outside. There, across the way, she could see the tiny dot of Xander’s light glowing from his bedroom window. Sometimes that light would burn through the night, showing how relentless his work was as the new head of the family. At times, she would steal glimpses of him pacing his room, clearly rattled by something she would never be able to guess.
On those nights, Corrin would lean languidly against her window, flattening her palm as she watched him struggle on his own. Those moments of him, seemingly drowning in his work, would leave a sinking feeling in her stomach. Every tired sigh and every frazzled shake of his head pulled like a band at her chest. On those nights, Corrin wanted nothing more than to reassure him — They were alright. He would be alright. He was home now, and that memory of him driving away (and the even more forgotten memory of her father driving away) was slowly fading, dreamlike in her consciousness.
And as years passed by, with Corrin growing further into her own solitude, she could comfortably mosey up by her window, ready to see if Xander too would be her unwitting companion through a homework-filled evening.
Xander, it turned out, didn’t’ stay long. By the time Corrin entered high school, he had long ago moved out. Camilla was the new head of household in his stead now that she was done with college, and the eldest brother would manage the family company from afar. Leo told Corrin that Xander had decided to live closer to work, in the middle of the city.
“It’s more convenient that way,” he explained blithely on their way to class.
Hugging her textbooks close to her chest, Corrin could only jut out her lip in an ample pout. She was seeing less and less of Xander — almost none of him, if she was honest. Even her mother took the time to complain about it to Camilla the last time both families shared a dinner.
“My brother has a lot on his plate,” was all Camilla had said at the time.
Still, none of them could help the state of things. As years went by, both families grew increasingly distant, with only Elise clinging to both Mikoto and Corrin as constants in her life. Leo, while still friends with Corrin, was wrapped up in study, preparing intensely for a life he felt would live up to his brother’s shadow. Camilla herself was increasingly absent, finding that her more grown-up siblings no longer needed her.
Yet each night, Corrin would stubbornly pull back the curtain of her bedroom window, looking with a trace of yearning in her eyes for the faint light that once warmed her evenings. For a long time now, nothing but darkness shrouded Xander’s bedroom window. He was gone. Just like that day when he drove away, without looking back, he had vanished into the horizon, never to be seen again.
With a sigh, Corrin sat back on her desk chair, prodding her cheek with the tip of her pen as she mulled over her college applications. Strangely enough, it was her turn to leave the cul-de-sac. College would take her far away, and all the bittersweet memories of her brief time in the neighborhood would wane into pleasantly remembered regrets. It was her turn to drive away, never looking back.