Chapter Text
Chapter One
“I had no idea things were so bad,” Zoë Hange’s mother sighed. She placed her hand to her forehead and gazed out of the window, a lump formed in her throat and tears pricked her eyes. She found it difficult to get her words out. “I just can’t imagine it… I thought Kuchel was doing better… well I knew things were hard but that’s why we always helped! I never imagined this… So, what’s going to be happening? There’s no way to contact him?”
“Afraid not. As far as we know, social services have taken him into care, effective immediately.”
“Care? Will he be in the county at least? The poor boy…” tears spilled onto her cheeks and she wiped them away with a faint sorry.
“They haven’t informed us of anything. Due to the circumstances, they're being extremely tight-lipped. All we know is that he’s not returning to school here. We weren’t aware of any relatives or next-of-kin nearby, so he’ll probably be with a foster family. If they locate blood relatives then he may live with them,” the teacher shuffled some papers on a desk and sighed heavily. “Even then, there’s no guarantee it’ll work out with the courts. I’ll be sure to keep an eye on Zoë. I can speak with her now if you like?”
“No, it’s okay, I’ll speak to her tonight,” Zoë’s mother said, as she stood up. “If there’s any chance of getting an address, I’m sure Zoë would love to send a letter... o-or even see him-”
“I’ll see what we can do Dr. Hange, but cases like these are handled with care by the social. There’s a high chance we won’t know where he’s living,” the teacher shook Dr. Hange’s hand. “All we can hope is that he’s being looked after.”
“Of course. I just wish there were something we could do. Oh, the poor boy, and Zoë is going to be devastated,” Zoë’s mum blinked back tears again. The thought of the small boy with the small smile all alone in the world broke her heart. And Kuchel too... just what had happened? She was doing so well.
“I know. He’s a good kid. Thank you for making the time today, and I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Dr.”
Outside the teacher’s office, Zoë Hange sat on chair. She clutched a book about frogs to her chest. She couldn’t wait to read it tonight and tell Levi everything she learned. He hated how slimy frogs were and how you never knew when they were going to jump, but she’d have to find something cool to tell him. Her legs dangled freely and she stared outside at all the children leaving school. But someone was missing. Levi hadn’t been to school for a few days. She last saw him just before the Christmas holidays when she had given him a little present for his birthday. She had wrapped her favourite book, The Hobbit, just for him. Her mum even helped tie a ribbon around it. She jumped from the chair as her mum and teacher came out of the office. Zoë had just learned a new word that day: crestfallen. Her mum’s face looked just like it.
“Mum?” she said. Was she in trouble?
Her mum held her hand out silently, and the two of them went home.
***
“So, he’s… he’s moved away?’ Zoë stared at her mum with wide eyes. Her mum rubbed small circles on back as they sat on the bed.
“There was some sort of… car accident on Christmas day, darling,” she replied. “His mum was badly hurt and she didn’t make it.” She didn’t know how Zoë would take it, but she didn’t want to tell a complete lie to her daughter either. She looked at Zack and Alex who were standing in the doorway. There arms were crossed, and they gave each other a look.
“What car? Levi’s mum didn’t have a car! Where were they going on his birthday?” Zoë said, standing suddenly. “Mum, what happened? Is she dead?”
“I’m so sorry, Zoë, but she died.”
“Where’s Levi?” she started to weep. Alex came into the room and took Zoë into his arms. It had to be serious if Alex was hugging her. Her glasses dug into her cheeks but she couldn’t feel it. She suddenly couldn’t breathe. Her chest felt tight and her world was spinning.
“I’m sorry, darling, but your teacher couldn’t tell me all the details,” her mum said.
“B-but, but it’s Levi!” Zoë’s voice failed her, and she choked on her tears. Great sobs ripped from her chest. Alex held her harder, holding back tears of his own.
“I know, darling,” her mum said.
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye! Where did he go?” she sobbed into her brother’s embrace.
Twenty Years Later
“I fucking hate this place.”
The raucous laughter filled the coffee shop and Levi visibly shuddered. Every single fucking day. Whether they were grabbing a morning drink or trying to stretch their legs at lunchtime, the same loud laughs bounced off the shiny floors, the same weirdos came flying in…
“Calm down, it’s only been a week,” Erwin said, as he stepped up to the counter to order drinks. “What do you want?”
“I’ll get my own.”
“I insist.”
“Eurgh, fine. Large tea.”
“Large? Did you sleep last night?” Erwin said.
“I’m sitting down.” Levi left Erwin at the counter and retreated to the safety of the table. It had only been a week in this tiny new city and he already hated every minute of it. He looked over at the corner of the little coffee shop where a large group were congregated. They were rowdy, messy, and uncivilised. It wasn’t anything like he impolite rush of London where people too busy to breathe let alone stop and chat. Levi sanitised his hands. He took out his home-made lunch from his bag, unboxed his set of travel cutlery and started eating. Erwin plonked himself in the seat next to him with a sandwich bought from the counter. He shook the table and Levi glared.
“It could be worse you know,” Erwin said. Levi didn’t answer. “Just give it a month or two.” He didn’t feel like speaking. “If someone told me that setting up a new firm would be this painful, I might not have done it.” No reply. “The new lawyers are starting in a few weeks. When Nanaba gets down here with Mike, things will liven up I’m sure.” Still no reply. “There’ll be things to do. Sights to see and all that.”
“We’re in the middle of nowhere, Erwin,” Levi said, his voice void of expression. The group in the corner laughed again and Levi closed his eyes.
“What was that? Yeah, it’s good to have a change of scenery. I feel like I can breathe here.”
“What was wrong with the air in London?”
“Everything, Levi. I thought we were agreed. It was time for change,” Erwin wanted to change the subject. “Anyway, how’s your flat?”
“It’s fine. A few hiccups,” Levi replied. It was coming along nicely actually. He quite liked it as it was much bigger than his old flat in London.
“Just fine?”
“The movers fucking smashed some of my plates.”
“Come down and borrow some of mine if you need too,” Erwin replied. Levi hummed in agreement. It was just like how it used to be years ago when the two of them were at university. Always leaning on each other. Granted, Erwin was two years ahead of Levi and now they were living in separate flats, but Levi felt grateful that he was sharing this new experience with his oldest friend. He wouldn’t show it of course.
“Anyway, if you felt so strongly about this, you shouldn't have come.” Erwin carried on.
“Couldn’t let you fuck this up on your own, could I?” Levi replied as he ate. There was nothing left in London anyway. He shuddered internally when he thought of the mess they had left behind, not to mention the people. They sat in content silence. There was more that he wanted to say, but he didn’t want Erwin to actually feel guilty. Levi wasn’t bitter about the move but returning to his childhood city came with an entire host of problems. The place where he grew up. The place where his life fell apart. The place where he lost everything.
“Erwin, and Levi!” the barista’s voice called out. Erwin collected the drinks and set them down.
“Cheers to new beginnings, Levi.”
***
It didn’t take long for Levi to get his desk how he wanted: empty. Perfection. If he could have his way, he wouldn’t even have a monitor or keyboard visible – he would go to the effort at the end of every working day to pack them, out of sight and out of mind but Erwin said that wasn't normal. He made sure that the keyboard lined up with the monitor and he walked into Erwin’s office. He immediately cringed. Erwin's desk was already covered in papers and pens. There was a framed photo of his fiancée and two dirty mugs. A mess already.
“Oh, hey,” he popped up from under his desk.
“What are you doing?”
“Just getting some of these wires sorted…” Erwin ducked back under.
“Didn’t the technician sort it?”
“Yeah… but it’s caught on something.”
“Anyway, I’m heading back in ten, so if you want a lift you better hurry up,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll come with you,” Erwin said. Levi looked around at Erwin’s office. The walls were lined with bookshelves. There were boxes still waiting to be unpacked. Levi kicked a box open with his foot. Inside
were pens that were stamped with their new company logo; a pair of wings and the word ‘Freedom’. He snorted.
“Who do you think wants merchandise from their lawyers?”
“A lot of people, your fans will buy them if no one else will,” he could hear the smile on Erwin’s face.
“Eurgh, don’t. It’s only a matter of time before something goes shitfaced again,” Levi said.
“Ever the pessimist, aren’t you? I think we’ll be fine. How many ghosts could follow us here?” Erwin said, standing and adjusting his tie.
“I’m a realist,” Levi grumbled. “Everything goes shitfaced eventually.”
They headed back to the estate and their block of flats. It was a nice area, Levi had to admit. Even though it was right in the city centre, it was private, had plenty of trees surrounding it, and was relatively quiet. He always laughed when he thought of this place as a city – it was fucking tiny compared to London.
Erwin invited Levi to go back to his to eat dinner, but Levi declined. He was focused on getting his flat exactly how he wanted and couldn’t afford to waste time at Erwin’s yet. He meticulously unpacked and put everything in order. He organised his kitchen cupboards, lining up every little jar and refilling the ones that were emptying so the amounts matched up. If something was machine washable, he put it in the washing machine. He washed his entire wardrobe, curtains, blinds, and even the sofa cushion covers. He had to get the moving grime off it all.
When he got home from work that night, he was delighted to see that his bidet had finally been delivered. He rushed to install it straight away. Then, he was going to clean the toilet thoroughly. Even though the flat was a new-build and he was the first ever occupant, he was never completely satisfied that the bathroom was completely clean. Mental images of sweaty builders shitting all over his toilet plagued him, so he spent a lot of time cleaning and bleaching the bathroom. Maybe he would do it again tonight so he could tire himself out and get a wink of sleep.
***
Levi looked at the clock. 4 am. He sat up in his bed and sighed. Despite the furious scrubbing of the bathroom, he couldn't sleep. He got out of bed, and lightly padded across the room to get his laptop. Erwin was in the flat below him and he couldn’t afford to wake him and get questioned tomorrow morning on why he was stomping around in the middle of the night. He stopped and moved the curtains to get a look outside. Complete silence. The streetlights gave off an eerie glow. He liked when it was quiet during the day but he didn’t know if he liked the quiet at night. At least in London he was never alone during a bought of insomnia. Cities like that never slept, but here, it was just him and his brain.
He moved away from this place twenty years ago. Twenty fucking years. He was a completely different being to back then. He stared up at the night’s sky and contemplated it all. All he could remember was unspeakable pain. Tears. Hunger. Bruises and backhands. It was keeping him up at night again. Maybe it was time to seek out another fucking therapist. He knew that he should probably get this current wave looked at and nipped in the bud before it took over his life. And it was always better to do it before Erwin noticed and made him do it anyway. He looked up. Pale grey clouds swept over twinkling stars. At least the stars were visible here.
He shook his thoughts away and put his current bought of insomnia down to the stresses of moving to a new city. He’d only just come off medication last year, but it was inevitable at this rate. He sighed. He’d give it a couple of months before therapists, counselling, antidepressants, and whatever else it took to achieve a semblance of peace. He sat down with his laptop to get a head start on the day’s work.