Chapter Text
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Returning to Zapolyarny after his vacation to Morepesok with Kaeya feels unsettling.
The Tsaritsa’s palace is much bigger and much emptier when Childe compares it to that cozy cottage in Morepesok. His rooms are quieter, without the sound of his siblings running around outside and making a mess of things.
The bed feels much too big.
Childe doesn’t give himself any time to doubt his own actions. He wraps his blanket around his shoulders and tucks a pillow under his arm. He drags himself across the hall into Kaeya’s own rooms.
The Twelfth Harbinger isn’t asleep yet, because Kaeya always seems to insist on working. The familiarity of Kaeya with an open book in his hands tugs at something in his chest, and he feels himself relax, as if he had never been anxious at all. Childe frowns as he throws his blanket and pillow on the space that Kaeya makes beside him. “What are you reading?”
“The History of Snezhnaya,” Kaeya says, and he lifts the book to show Childe the cover. When Childe settles into place beside him, Kaeya starts petting his hair, and Childe breaths out a sigh of relief. “Can’t sleep?”
Childe hums and closes his eyes, focusing on the gentle drag of Kaeya’s fingers on his scalp. “It’s too quiet,” he admits.
“I’m hardly up for a good conversation right now,” Kaeya chuckles, flicking Childe softly on the forehead. “I’m as tired as you are.”
“‘M fine,” Childe mumbles, and he shifts on the bed, opening one eye to peer at Kaeya. He catches Kaeya staring at him with a smile on his face. Childe pokes at Kaeya’s fingers until the other laces their hands together. “You’re here.”
Kaeya chuckles and brushes the hair from his forehead back. “What a sap, Tartaglia.”
Childe grumbles into the pillow, shying away from the other’s touch on his face. “Shut up, Arlecchino,” he shoots back with a mocking glare.
Childe doesn’t know why he feels at ease when he sleeps in the same bed as Kaeya. He hasn’t shared a bed with anyone since he returned from the abyss until Kaeya came and claimed he needed to control his abyssal form better, since his parents had insisted that he had grown up too much to share one with his younger siblings.
He had grown up far too early. It is something, he knows, Kaeya would understand.
Childe knows that his parents had meant well. They had only separated him from the rest of his siblings then because they had been afraid of the darkness and brutality that Ajax had brought back with him. He doesn’t blame them. Even he has gotten scared of those very same nightmares he’s brought back from the deep.
He thinks of blood and muck on his hands and the screams of the other village boys as he tears through them. He recalls the horrified look in his father’s eyes and how it very much felt like Ajax had become the monsters he resented from the abyss.
“Ajax,” Kaeya presses his thumb over the pulse point on Childe’s neck, and Childe relaxes under his hold, feeling his breathing return to normal and his heartbeat slow down. He can’t remember when that panic had crept in, breaking the fragile peace that he and Kaeya loved to steal from the world. The panic is still there, dark and creeping at the edges of his mind, but Kaeya’s touch is a solid point for him to follow, for him to return to.
“Breathe,” Kaeya whispers. He’s already set aside his book and is now lying down, facing Childe beside him. “Come back to me.”
He feels the excess abyssal energy seep from his bones, seeking out that lost heart of Khaenri’ah at his side. Kaeya presses their foreheads together, and Childe times his breathing with the other until he can no longer feel his heart thundering in his chest.
“Kaeya,” he says, something like a whine stuck in his throat as Kaeya continues his feather light touches on his cheek, an easy anchor for him to reach for, a lifeline pulling him away from the deep abyss.
Kaeya is present and close. The abyss is a long-gone memory. Childe is safe and warm, and he is not alone.
He will no longer be alone.
He wonders when he’s started thinking of Kaeya as his sanctuary. He wonders when he’s started thinking of Kaeya as his home.
Childe chuckles when he finally feels the last vestiges of the panic leave his chest. It feels like ages and no time at all. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m a mess.”
Kaeya gives him a dubious look, something soft and fond in those eyes. Like this, he doesn’t know why Kaeya has ever thought of his accursed eye as terrifying. It is not terrifying at all when compared to the nightmarish beasts of the abyss that still visit Ajax’s dreams.
“If you’re a mess, then what am I?” Kaeya jokes, and Childe snuggles closer, letting Kaeya continue his petting of his hair. “You probably shouldn’t use your abyssal form anytime soon.”
Childe pouts at the other. “Why not?” At Kaeya’s pointed look, he sighs and settles back into the other’s hold. “I’ll be fine as long as I have you. You’re my mage, aren’t you?”
“Indulge me,” Kaeya drawls, and he tips Childe’s face back up until their eyes meet. “Just to be safe. Promise me you’ll be safe, Ajax.”
It isn’t fair, Childe thinks then. It isn’t fair how much Kaeya knows of Childe’s secrets. It isn’t fair just how much Childe is willing to indulge Kaeya.
“I promise,” he says. He smiles when he sees Kaeya’s eyes slip shut, and he hums a soft lullaby under his breath, one that he remembers from his own mother when he had yet become a monster to them. He closes his own eyes when he feels Kaeya’s breaths even out in sleep. “As long as you’re with me.”
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Childe will never not be awed by the Tsaritsa and her grace.
She is gentle where he is brutal, yet she still remains a frightful presence in their land. Without her and the fatui, Childe sometimes doesn’t know where he would have ended up.
Would he have met Kaeya then?
He blinks away the distracting thoughts with a touch from Kaeya on his wrist and a pointed look. The Tsaritsa is still speaking with Pulcinella and Capitano regarding their respective missions, but it wouldn’t be long before she turns that cold blue gaze towards them.
When Pulcinella and Capitano leave the room, the look from the Fifth Harbinger is full of reproach towards Childe, as if he knows that Childe’s mind had been drifting and distracted. Childe shifts under that gaze, feeling like a child being scolded by their parents though no words have been said. He guesses he’ll have to talk to the older Harbinger later and receive another lecture.
“My youngest.” The Tsaritsa greets the two of them with an assessing gaze, and they both kneel on one knee before her throne. “You’ve both outdone yourself in your most recent jobs.”
Childe grins at the praise while Kaeya answers for them. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”
“I have a new assignment for both of you,” she says. “Though this one will not bring you far from home.”
“An assignment in Snezhnaya, your Majesty?” Childe asks. He has a feeling he knows what their new assignment will be. He’s heard Kaeya talk about the recent unrest among the nobles in their country, and he knows that there are plenty against Her Majesty’s current plans.
He will enjoy bringing down any who oppose Her Imperial Majesty’s grace. He is eager to prove his worth, to ensure that everyone will remember him, will remember them, as he carves his path towards Celestia’s might in conquering the world.
“Indeed,” she agrees. “I believe you both should be aware of it already. I know Arlecchino’s informants have been their inquiries, have they not?”
“They have, Your Majesty,” Kaeya agrees. His expression is impassive with none of the excitement for battle that Childe now feels. “We will accomplish any task you wish.”
“Very well,” the Tsaritsa says, and she gives a small smile at the two of them, one that hides her frozen heart and shows that rare gentleness that Childe so loves. It doesn’t matter whether it is the heartless Cryo Archon or the gentle Goddess of Love. They are both worthy of Childe’s loyalty and devotion just as Kaeya is. “My Vanguard and My Shadow. You shall reclaim what is rightfully mine.”
“As your Majesty wishes,” Kaeya says.
“We shall obey,” Childe continues with a grin. He feels it then, the familiar thrill of a battle waiting to happen. He cannot wait to leave and to accomplish their task, ever certain that each battle will continue to make him stronger.
After they have left the Tsaritsa’s throne room, Kaeya pulls him into an empty training room and sits him down. At the look on Kaeya’s eye, Childe gulps, and he realizes it isn’t Pulcinella’s lecture he should have been worried about, after all.
“If this is about me getting distracted again,” Childe starts. “It--well, I can’t promise it won’t happen again.”
“Oh? So you were aware of it, after all?” Kaeya teases with a smirk.
“Kaeya,” Childe pouts at the other Harbinger, hoping to save himself from an extended lecture.
Kaeya chuckles at him, ruffling his hair before handing him a practice sword from the rack of weapons close by. “Relax, I’m not scolding you,” he says. “I’m just making sure you remember our promise.”
Childe blinks in confusion. He feels as if he’s made various promises with Kaeya in the past, and he isn’t quite sure what the other is talking about now. “Which one?”
“That you won’t be using your Abyssal Knight form anytime soon,” Kaeya says. The twelfth Harbinger takes another sword for himself before moving to the center of the room. He gestures for Childe to take the place opposite him.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” Childe protests as he moves to take his place for a sparring session. Really, he’ll never be one to deny a spar against anyone, but the conversation makes him feel a little annoyed at Kaeya. It feels like Kaeya doesn’t trust him. It feels like he’s being seen as weak. He doesn’t like it. He glares at the practice sword in his hand and wants nothing more than to hurt something, to prove something to the one opinion he’ll always care for. “I can handle it.”
“I know,” Kaeya says.
Childe looks up and stares at the other in surprise. “Then why?”
“Because I don’t want you relying on it,” Kaeya says. He wears that charming smile that he always does whenever he’s hiding something, the same one he wears when he’s trying to get others to trust him. Childe loves many things about Kaeya, but he doesn’t like it when that smile is directed at him. Still, he doesn’t say a thing about it, doesn’t want to ruin anything between them--this uneasy friendship that he’s grown comfortable with.
“I can fight without it,” Childe says instead, choosing to rise to the bait that’s been set by the Twelfth Harbinger.
He takes a stance and summons his ice shield and his icicles around him. “Well? Why don’t you prove it then?”
Childe scoffs and summons a hydro blade to match the practice sword in his other hand. “Let’s see if you win this time, Arlecchino.”
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The battle camp has already been set up when they arrive. The Fatui banner and the insignias on the tents are a familiar sight for Childe at this point.
It is his first time in this particular province of Snezhnaya. It is a shame that they are laying siege into the city instead of staying in it. He misses going to the theater with Kaeya. They haven’t done anything fun like that since their last mission in Fontaine.
Their own tent is bigger than most of the others, and it is easy enough to set up their own things when he and Kaeya are used to packing lightly.
Childe falls to the bed he’s claimed with a groan, feeling the aches from the long journey they took here. “I’m so bored, Kaeya,” he complains, peering at Kaeya who’s unpacked his things from across the tent.
“You won’t be bored for long,” Kaeya says with a laugh. “I bet the nobles have heard that the Tsaritsa has sent her Harbingers by now.”
Childe turns until he is splayed on his back on the bed. “Do you think they’ll be fun opponents though?”
Kaeya crosses the room and takes a seat at the edge of Childe’s bed, and he peers down at Childe, that blue eyes twinkling in amusement. “No one’s ever fun enough for you.”
“That’s not true,” Childe smirks. “I always have fun sparring with you.”
Kaeya shakes his head and flicks at Childe’s forehead. “Why, Childe, I might take that as an insult. Do you enjoy beating me up?”
“No!” Childe denies vehemently as he sits up in bed and glares at the other. “You win like half our spars.”
“Maybe you let me win,” Kaeya says with a small smile. It isn’t that smile that Childe hates, the one that Kaeya gives when he’s hiding something. No, this is something different. This is the one that Childe loves, the genuine amusement that belongs solely to Kaeya.
Childe matches the smile with a grin of his own. “I’ll never,” he says. “You know me better than that.”
Kaeya hides it well, but Childe has spent enough time with him since that mission where they both almost died that he knows how to read the other’s expression. He sees the momentary surprise and hesitation before Kaeya returns to the same friendly smile. “I do know you,” he says. “Which is why I’ll tell you not to cause any trouble.”
“Isn’t that our job here? To cause trouble?”
“We’re working with the Fatui officers already stationed here,” Kaeya says. “Don’t antagonize anyone just yet.”
Childe frowns at that. Kaeya has been trying to get him to see the value of working with the other members of the Fatui really, but he’s been an outcast for far too long that it is difficult to change. Many of the members of Pulcinella’s team, for example, probably still remembers the fourteen year old that had beaten all of them.
“Childe,” Kaeya says. “Promise me you’ll behave.”
“You can’t use promises against me all the time, Kaeya.”
“Can’t I?”
Childe sighs. “No,” he says, but it isn’t very convincing when he acquiesces with his next words. “I promise I’ll let you do our job properly.”
“Good boy,” Kaeya says in a teasing tone, and Childe pretends that he doesn’t preen under that praise.
Kaeya really is unfair sometimes.
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The meeting with the officers already at the scene isn’t just boring like Childe suspects. It is also irritating.
Childe knows the kinds of officers these are. They are the kind of people who still doubt Her Majesty’s decision in turning a Mondstadt foreigner like Kaeya and an unhinged brat like Childe into her Harbingers. They are the kind of people who’s looked at Childe, simple village kid from nowhere and a monster of his own making, with such great disdain since he first joined the Fatui.
Childe hates them with a fury he cannot deny.
The only thing that keeps him from antagonizing them is the promise he’s made with Kaeya. He chafes at the promise, like a leash that keeps him from being free to do as he wishes.
When another one of them interrupts Kaeya, Childe growls and enjoys the way they all flinch. Kaeya gives him a reproachful look but says nothing. The lack of a warning from the Twelfth tells Childe that Kaeya is losing patience just as much as he is. Childe takes it for the permission that it might as well be.
“Enough,” Childe sneers at them. “If none of you plan to listen, then perhaps Arlecchino and I’ll simply take you for the traitors you are. Perhaps, you’d like to join the traitors against Her Majesty on the execution list. I certainly wouldn’t care.”
“Tartaglia,” Kaeya says then, the warning that was missing earlier. Childe grins at the other. What was that saying? It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission? Maybe he’ll find a way to get Kaeya’s favorite drink in the city before they end up destroying it. That should be enough to earn him forgiveness, right?
“They’re making things more difficult.”
“They are,” Kaeya agrees, and he turns to the officers who have all gone pale at the Harbingers’ agreements. They all stutter through an apology, and Childe scowls at all the lies. The Fatui is full of liars.
It has never bothered Childe before, not when it was him they were trying to lie to.
“I would not be against Tartaglia’s plan of simply seeing any dissenters as traitors to the Tsaritsa,” Kaeya then says with that familiar charming smile. Somewhen, when the smile isn’t aimed at Childe, he can appreciate it even more. “But I’d rather not waste Her Majesty’s resources in unnecessary slaughter. Now, will you be more willing to listen to my plans?”
Childe settles into his seat as he sees the fear and apprehension in everyone’s faces. It is so very obvious that none of them has worked with a Harbinger closely before. It is very much obvious to see where their arrogance comes from.
He looks to Kaeya and the pleased smile on his face as he details his plan, and Childe realizes something that should have been obvious to him as well.
When they return to their tent, Childe frowns as he takes a seat beside Kaeya on the Twelfth Harbinger’s bed. “You knew I was gonna threaten them, didn’t you?”
“I hoped for it,” Kaeya admits. His expression is closed off and blank. Childe doesn’t know what to think of it. “Are you angry?”
He should be. Childe doesn’t like all the underhanded schemes and manipulation that everyone in the Fatui seem to prefer. He doesn’t like being used. But it is also Kaeya who he now faces, Kaeya who seems to have found a way to pick up Childe’s broken pieces to make him whole. It is such a ridiculous question.
“One day, I might be,” Childe finally answers.
“But not today?” Kaeya asks, with a small hopeful and genuine smile.
Every day, Childe wonders what it would be like if they were truly the Innamorati everyone sees them as. Every day, he pretends he doesn’t know that part of him. He pretends that he doesn’t want anything to change.
He doesn’t, really, not if it would chase Kaeya away, not when he doesn’t know how things would change.
“Not today,” Childe huffs, and he leans his head on Kaeya's shoulder. “Ask me again tomorrow.”
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