Chapter Text
“The stars are so bright tonight,” Kieu My whispers, her voice joining the crickets. Fatou nods. They are on their way home from the park, where they had spent all day together. Now that they are older, their parents let them stay up a little later -- just late enough to see the stars poke holes in the night sky.
“Maybe we should try and get closer,” Fatou says, deviating from their well-worn path home to stand near a tree. She starts circling it, planning the best route up.
Kieu My laughs. “I don’t think that we would be that much closer, even if we were on the biggest tree in the world.”
“Well, have you ever tried?” Fatou asks. When Kieu My shakes her head, Fatou grins. “Then you don’t really know. Maybe we will be the first people to reach up and touch the stars. No one ever did before because they thought it was impossible.”
The wind is whistling, picking up speed as it twirls through the trees and makes a mess of Kieu My’s hair. Kieu My wonders if it is the cover of darkness or because she is only with Fatou, but she feels no urge to fix it. When Fatou turns to her and silently brushes the hair out of Kieu My’s eyes, she thinks she knows the answer.
Under the light of the moon, the reds and oranges of the autumn leaves that crown the tree are still visible. Fatou is tracing the tree bark, and Kieu My watches as her fingers loop around and carefully avoid all of the bugs.
“Look!” Fatou says, moving her hand away from the tree to grab Kieu My. She is pulled gently until she is standing close enough to Fatou that she can feel the heat radiating off her skin.
“That’s sweet,” Kieu My says when she sees what Fatou pulled her towards: a little heart with the initials “DS + MF” carved into the side of the tree.
“We should add ours,” Kieu My says, her voice getting impossibly quiet and her heart speeding up. Sometimes, she wonders if this is how all friends feel. But if she thinks about it for too long, fear starts to bubble inside her, spreading up to her head and infecting her thoughts. Maybe this is just how she feels. Maybe she is all alone.
She pushes the feeling down. She hasn’t been alone since Fatou moved into the apartment across from hers five years ago.
“Isn’t that bad for the tree?” Fatou asks, and before Kieu My can apologize for overstepping, Fatou pulls out a pen and bends down.
“We can just add it here,” she says, brushing off the leaves and dirt from the sidewalk. Kieu My watches as Fatou writes out their initials. The heart that encircles them is wobbly, and Fatou looks up apologetically.
“You definitely should’ve been the one to do this,” Fatou says, under her breath.
“I love it,” Kieu My says, crouching down so she is only a few inches away from Fatou’s face. “But won’t it just wash away?”
“Maybe,” Fatou says, and then she turns so she’s staring directly in Kieu My’s eyes. “But it doesn’t matter if we know.”
If Kieu My squints, she can pretend that she can see her reflection in the dark part of Fatou’s eyes. It makes her smile. That’s how she likes herself best -- through Fatou’s eyes.
They stay like that for a bit, until Kieu My’s knees start to burn and the cold wind stings her eyes. Even still, it takes everything in her to look away from Fatou.
“So, you wanted to climb this tree?” Kieu My asks, finally standing up. She thinks the cold wind is getting to Fatou, too, because her cheeks are tinted red.
“Yeah,” Fatou says, slightly out of breath. She stands up and gets on top of a rock under one of the tree’s biggest branches. Even with the extra height, she still can’t reach it. She tries to jump, but comes up short. It makes Kieu My laugh, and when Fatou turns to scowl at her, she only laughs harder. The sound makes Fatou's face break into a smile, and the expression on her face would be almost frightening in how open and known it makes Kieu My feel if it were from anyone else. Fatou opens her mouth like she is going to say something, but then she shakes her head and turns back to the tree.
“I’ll help you,” Kieu My says, and she wraps her arms around Fatou to lift her. When Fatou grabs the branch, she pulls herself up.
“Are you coming?” Fatou asks after maneuvering so that her legs are dangling off the side of the tree. “It’s not that bad, I promise. It isn’t that high up.”
Kieu My nods. There’s no point in saying no. Years of friendship have taught her that she’ll follow Fatou anywhere. So, she decides she just won’t look down and grabs onto Fatou’s outstretched hand, swinging her body up onto the tree. In the end, it isn’t that bad. With Fatou smiling at her, she doesn’t need to look anywhere else anyway. They sit side by side on the branch listening to the distant car horns and choirs of bugs.
“Do you know what that one is?” Fatou breaks the silence, pointing upwards at a constellation.
“I’m not sure,” Kieu My says, but she isn’t looking at the stars at all.
Fatou turns her head to look back at Kieu My. “It’s pretty,” she says, her voice barely audible.
Fatou brings her hand up to lace their fingers together, and Kieu My yawns.
“You can close your eyes,” Fatou says. “I’ll watch for monsters.”
And even though they are sitting in a tree, even though it is night and she can hear animals rustling in the leaves above them, even though she could fall at any second, Kieu My lets her eyelids fall shut. Somehow, none of those things feel that scary with Fatou. But Fatou is as calming as she is distracting, and as she hums in harmony with the crickets and traces patterns on their legs, Kieu My has no choice but to open her eyes again to watch her.
“It’s almost my birthday,” Kieu My says, and the words make her heart race. She doesn’t like the idea of being fifteen, of getting older. It makes her feel like a balloon is slowly expanding in her stomach, and soon it is going to pop.
“Maybe you should wish on a star,” Fatou responds, leaning until her head is resting on Kieu My’s shoulder.
“I already have everything,” Kieu My says, her free hand reaching out to grab a leaf and twirl it between her fingers. “The only thing I want is for nothing to change.”
“Be careful! If you say it aloud, it won’t come true,” Fatou says, wiggling her fingers.
“Hey, I was just joking,” Fatou says when she sees the blood drain from Kieu My’s face, bumping their shoulders together. “I hope you get everything you wish for.”
In a few minutes, they will jump off the tree. Well, Kieu My will jump, and Fatou will fall gracefully. Kieu My will laugh, brush off the dirt from Fatou’s pants, and they will walk home with their arms linked, like they have since they were ten.
------
Kieu My’s hands ghost over the old carving. When she looks down at the sidewalk, free of any lasting markings, she remembers. Fatou was right, like she always was. Kieu My supposes that that’s all that matters, anyway. Nothing is really lost, as long as you remember.
The pain of missing her has faded into a constant ache -- it’s duller now, but still there, still present. Like how you only remember your heart is beating when you think about it.
“I swear you aren’t even listening to me right now,” Zoe says, and Kieu My jumps. She turns to Zoe and smiles in apology. “God, you and this tree, I will never understand it.”
Kieu My isn’t sure if anyone would understand. One other person might, Kieu My thinks. She pushes the thought away. With the years apart, her memories of Fatou have been smoothed over and covered in honey. She can ignore the pain of being left when she thinks of these moments, almost overripe with sweetness. Perhaps those same years have made Fatou forget about her.
“Get your head out of the clouds, Miss Vu,” Zoe says, a mock-serious expression on her face. “This is very important! I can’t plan your Sweet 17 all by myself."
Kieu My laughs. “I don’t think Sweet 17 is a thing.”
“I am going to invent it for you,” Zoe responds, looking down at the clipboard in her hands that is already covered in the names of about 50 guests. Kieu My grabs it out of her hands.
“Lasse?” Kieu My asks, scanning the list. “I don’t even know who that is.”
“Yes, you do,” Zoe rolls her eyes. “It’s a party! People have to show up.”
Kieu My flips over the paper, only to discover more names. She’s about to complain to Zoe when one catches her eyes.
“Fatou,” Kieu My says, her heart beating faster.
“Yeah, she’s new,” Zoe says. “Nora said she was nice. I think she just moved here…”
Zoe keeps talking, but Kieu My is no longer listening.
Fatou’s back. Fatou’s back, and she didn’t tell Kieu My.