Chapter Text
Jungwoo had never given much thought to his future roommate. He'd chosen his college, his future city, his desired career, he felt he was all prepared.
Getting a shitty roommate just didn't seem to be the norm.
Jungwoo didn’t know anyone else in the whole wide World who had been given a crappy roommate. All he saw on social media was people making new friendships and meeting people with similar interests and hobbies. All he saw on tiktok was people going out with their new friends, going on trips together, making memories they’d always be able to treasure.
Jungwoo had always thought he’d get along with his roommate, he envisioned the trips, the parties, the memories to be made, but his thoughts were proven to be far from reality.
Jungwoo didn’t simply not get along with his roommate, he despised his roommate, he hated him so much he could often feel the anger clinging to his veins every time their eyes met. From the moment they were allocated their room, the very first time their eyes caught sight of one another, Jungwoo was left desperately wishing that things had worked out differently. Every so often, maybe once in a blue moon, Jungwoo would wake up and think that maybe, there was a genuine chance of a reconciliation, but he’d always ended up being proven wrong. He knew it wasn’t at all his fault, after all, it’s not like he ever asked to be trapped living with someone who makes him feel physically sick, that was just the gift he unwillingly received from the Universe.
The past year had been spent wishing pure agony on the one person he’d been forced to see more than anyone else, spending hours daydreaming about how different the months may had been if he’d gotten the single room he’d originally applied for, preferably one with an en suite and a pretty view. He knew he still had a lifetime to go of resenting whoever it was who decided he deserved a twin room with a shared bathroom and a view of a carpark, but especially whoever decided he had to live with Jaehyun.
Realistically speaking, it should have been a match made in Heaven, for they had more similarities than either would care to admit. Both were intelligent in their own way, and both were more than capable of achieving incredible things, but all they seemed capable of doing together was fighting. There’s no other way of describing what happened other than it all just went to shit, it blew up horrendously in both of their faces and the mess still hadn’t been cleared up. Neither truly knew why it all went wrong, they just knew it never clicked, that if anything, it snapped.
They hated each other, bickering at any given opportunity, but that didn’t stop them from succeeding individually. Jungwoo soared academically, becoming one of the highest achievers in his whole course, barely having to try, simply powered by his natural intelligence. Meanwhile, Jaehyun became one of the most known students in the whole college, seeming like he was able to make friends in every corner of every nightclub within a ten mile radius from campus, reaching dizzying heights of popularity. Both Jungwoo and Jaehyun became successful in every other way apart from bonding with each other. It really never made any sense to anyone.
Jungwoo remembered his first day like it was yesterday. He arrived at the dorm early, desperate to get away from home, timidly excited to start a new chapter of his life. He managed to unpack all of his things in record time, preparing himself to see who it was that would be sleeping in the bed next to him. He was apprehensive, maybe even nervous, but he was planning on making some sort of effort to make whoever walked through the doors feel welcome. It was only then when no one arrived, and he was left hundreds of miles away from everything he knew all on his own that his patience began to wear thin.
Jungwoo stopped caring eventually, beginning to enjoy having the space all to himself. He met Doyoung down the hall struggling with all his boxes, and after Jungwoo introduced himself, helping him manage the load, they became the best of friends. They became inseparable, and Doyoung’s room gave Jungwoo a place to hide when his own room became a battle zone. He met Mark a few days later at the freshers fair who then introduced Jungwoo to his roommate Haechan, meaning he had found a whole new friendship group.
Without their company Jungwoo would have most likely committed a deadly murder a long time ago, he was lucky they were always their to offer their best attempt at anger management. Jungwoo asked the college many times if he could switch rooms (or if Jaehyun could just leave), but every time, he was told a firm no.
It was weeks later when Jaehyun finally moved in, but he soon wished he hadn’t, for Jungwoo had grown incredibly comfortable in his own company, and he was not at all feeling ready to share.
Although neither of them would ever admit it, they were far too similar for their own good, for the traits they hated in themselves were staring back at them in the face of the other.
Jaehyun thought Jungwoo was too cocky and too arrogant, he hated the way Jungwoo smirked every time he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He hated how Jungwoo was constantly so uptight, like he was always sulking, always finding something to be unhappy about.
Jungwoo wasn’t Jaehyun’s biggest fan either, he thought Jaehyun was some sort of human equivalent of a flannel. A very wet flannel, especially when being yelled at. Things got so bad that Jaehyun began to feel he preferred the dorm when Junwgoo was mad at him, for at least then he could be sure he was living with another person, not simply some sort of robot.
He’d never known anyone like Jungwoo before, he didn’t understand the way Jungwoo’s mind worked. How was it that Jungwoo could always wake up so early, how he always managed to be the first to arrive in the lecture theatre, how he found joy spending hours at a time reading in the library or typing away at his desk.
What anyone else would have accepted as a lack of understanding, Jungwoo and Jaehyun took it as some sort of battle, and they’d been fighting at war ever since. They originally sought to always ignore each other, it made sense to them that it would be impossible to hate someone you never see. Jaehyun was always polite, for he was always the one desperate to make it work. Even when things got progressively worked he still tried, even as the tension grew so bad they were screaming at each other at any given opportunity. Jaehyun couldn’t take anymore, he began staying out most nights whilst Jungwoo stayed out most days, spending only a few hours with each other every week, despite being roommates.
Jaehyun never minded the odd difference, he tried time after time and it was never him who had the problem. It only infuriated him that Jungwoo was always so keen on celebrating their differences, that it was some sort of proof that he must have been superior. Jaehyun was older, yet Jungwoo always spoke down to him, looking at him like he was looking into the eyes of some sort of parasite.
Jaehyun didn’t initiate anything, he simply sought dialogue when accusations were thrown his way. He wasn’t brought up to be a confrontational person, he’d grown up believing that not caring is the best way to stop him getting hurt. Jaehyun never even wanted to go to college in the first place, he enrolled simply to please his parents in a vain attempt to match the success of his high achieving older brother.
Jaehyun and his brother Johnny were close growing up before competition tore them apart, spending their older years constantly fighting for praise and attention. Unfortunately for Jaehyun, when you’re two years younger and deemed as being significantly less successful, you’ll always be set up to fail. All he ever wanted from the day he was born was the respect and love of his parents, but years on, he knows he’s yet to earn it.
Johnny graduated with flying colours only a few years back, and Jaehyun knew he had no choice but to do the same. It took Johnny no time at all to find a successful job, and once he then got engaged to his girlfriend, he’d confirmed his position as the apple of their mother’s eye. Jaehyun was never jealous of the girls, he never cared about the grades, what killed him inside was the pure happiness that Johnny experiences everyday.
Jaehyun had always been jealous that Johnny had lived his life waking up every morning knowing he had his whole life together when Jaehyun was busy trying to work out how to survive week by week. He soon found out that his favourite thing about being at college was that he only had to speak to his mother once a week when he phoned home, he could spout his lies about grades and placements and know he then had no reason to worry, for his mother never cared enough to check whether he was telling the truth or not.
Jaehyun met his best friend during their first week at a party. Jaehyun and Taeyong bonded immediately over the same taste in alcohol and had been close ever since. Taeyong always joined Jaehyun on their nights out, even if it was just so he could keep a close eye on him. Taeyong introduced Jaehyun to Taeil and Yuta and they quickly became Jaehyun’s favourite people in the whole World. All he’d ever known was competition and constant fighting to be the best, yet suddenly he found people who appreciated him for simply being himself.
Thanks to his friends, Jaehyun had learnt that he was enough as himself, and he had become adamant that Jungwoo wasn’t going to be able to change his mind.
He’d never narrate his true feelings, never let Jaehyun understand even one of the thousands of thoughts running through his mind, Jungwoo never wanted to show Jaehyun that deep below his surface-level anger was layers of sadness at their situation. He’d moved halfway across the country to finally gain some sort of control over his life yet he was left in a box-sized room with a large-sized prick(according to his toxic mind at least). Failure is hard for anyone to accept when they’re desperate for success, and no one has ever demanded it more than Jungwoo. Despite everything, he never gave up on the hope that the accommodation department could take pity on him and let him move elsewhere, but until then, he would be stuck with it. “It” being his way of describing Jaehyun.
꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱
Much to Jungwoo’s dismay, the breezy awakening of the Spring morning arrived quicker than expected, the sunlight blinding him as it shone through the blinds. As he groaned slightly, wiping the sleep away from his eyes he sighed at the increased tension in the air. There hadn’t been any morning since Jaehyun’s arrival that Jungwoo had wanted to spend it together, but especially not as Jaehyun had ruined any chance of Jungwoo getting a good night's sleep. Jungwoo had intended on sleeping early, needing the early morning to work through a to-do list the size of the room. Jaehyun had someone managed to destroy those plans, he might as well have torn the to-do list into a million tiny pieces.
Jaehyun had come in late, and wasn’t anywhere close enough to sober to attempt at being considerate for his sleeping roommate. He’d spent the night at a party and was paying the price as the alcohol ruined both his and Jungwoo’s sleep prospects. Instead of the eight hours he’d been planning on having, Jungwoo instead spent most of the night covering his ears at the sound of Jaehyun retching heavily into the bin. Jaehyun would have probably forgotten by the morning, but Jungwoo most definitely hadn’t, instead he woke up feeling even more annoyed, especially at the sound of Jaehyun’s alarm going off repetitively, the loud beeping screeching through Jungwoo’s ears.
Jungwoo pulled the duvet from above his head, throwing his pillow to the ground in frustration, “for fucks sake Jeong,” he yelled, “if you insist on sleeping through life that’s fucking fine for you, but turn that fucking racket off!”
There was a slight murmur given in response from Jaehyun’s side of the room, but it was hardly anything more than a groan. He stirred slightly as the alarm continued, the beeping seemingly getting louder by the second, almost mirroring how as every second passed, Jungwoo was growing closer to committing some sort of murder.
Jungwoo gritted his teeth, slamming down the screen of his laptop, the sudden crash only winding him up more.
“Jaehyun!” He yelled, “I swear to God you better turn that fucking alarm off before I come over there and kill you my fucking self!”
“Kill me?” Please Jungwoo, I’ll save you the time, with your yelling I’d happily go and kill my fucking self.”
Jaehyun shot out an arm from under the pile of blankets covering his lifeless body and whacked the screen of his phone. He sighed out in relief as the noise finally went silent. He looked over towards Jungwoo, “are you happy now?”
“Far from it!” Jungwoo glared, irritated at the slight smirk on Jaehyun’s face. “I have so much to do and yet here I am wasting my time yelling at you?”
Jaehyun scoffed, eyes rolling at Jungwoo’s stupidity, “well I never asked you to yell at me, did I?”
“What was I meant to do Jaehyun?” Jungwoo asked desperately, “whisper? Send you a quick text asking you politely to shut the fuck up? Apologies if I’m a little cranky this morning, but have you considered that might be because you kept me up half the night with your bloody vomiting?”
He shuddered, the sight of Jaehyun’s vomit still engrained deep within his fragile mind.
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “well I’m so sorry for being ill!” He said with a sarcastic shake of the head.
“Ill?” Jungwoo scoffed, “you’ve hardly got food poisoning! You drank too much you dumbass! You kept me up half the night and now you’re distracting me again!”
Jungwoo glared at his roommate, barely even thinking about his choice of words, simply desperate for Jaehyun to feel as annoyed as he felt, “we’re not all happy failing you know Jaehyun!” He smirked, his words being spat out in anger, “some of us actually want to succeed in life!”
Jaehyun winced slightly, Jungwoo managing to hit his desired nerve as Jaehyun paused, trying to ignore the hurt caused by Jungwoo’s cruel remarks. He shook his head, pulling away his blankets, glaring at Jungwoo as he stood up. “If you’re so good at succeeding, you know, as good as you claim so desperately to be,” he continued, “then you shouldn’t be so bothered about me, should you?”
“I’m not bothered about you!” Jungwoo argued, “but I am bothered that I got barely any sleep last night, and now I’ve done barely any work, and it’s all because of you! When you shut the fuck up, well then I’ll happily leave you alone.”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes so viciously, they looked like they were about to start flying out of their sockets. Why was Jungwoo so angry? Jaehyun had never meant to keep him up, it wasn’t a deliberate act of annoyance, for Jaehyun simply would never do such a thing.
Unlike Jungwoo, if Jaehyun had his own way, then he wouldn’t be constantly at war with the person he had to live with. He would much rather that they learn to get along.
He’d spent the night with Taeyong, they went out in the evening for a meal, but they decided to head into town after. The plan originally was to head back to Taeyong’s, but Jaehyun hadn’t been feeling like a quiet night in. He used his best persuasion skills to drag Taeyong out and it soon all got out of hand. Taeyong ended up going home alone, not feeling like staying out into the early hours of the morning, leaving Jaehyun dancing on top of a table. By 3am, Jaehyun had drunk more shots than he could remember, he only made it back to the dorm with the help of two others, his friends having to help him stand up. Much to Jungwoo’s dismay, he wasn’t any quieter when he eventually returned home and God was he paying for it the next morning.
Jungwoo shook his head, he’d heard more than enough venom from Jungwoo for one day.
“You know what Jungwoo,” Jaehyun glared, “why don’t you take that work of yours and shove it up y-”
Oh shit, Jungwoo thought, quickly noticing Jaehyun’s sudden paleness. It looked like Jaehyun had stars swimming in front of his eyes. Jungwoo shuddered, surely Jaehyun wasn’t about to be sick again? Surely there couldn’t be any sick left in him?
“I swear to God Jeong if you dare puke again…Oh for fucks sake!!”
Jungwoo’s worst fears had become reality, for Jaehyun was suddenly sick again, only that time, he didn’t manage to reach the bin. Jaehyun was pale, his face greasy and slightly green, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else than stuck in a tiny dorm with an angry Jungwoo.
Jungwoo himself wanted to throw up at the mess sprawled across Jaehyun’s bedding, the sight hurting his tired eyes. Jaehyun was just staring at it, his whole face pale apart from two dark circles engrained deep under his eyes.
Jungwoo shook his head in disgust, he grabbed his laptop off his desk and shoved it into his bag along with his notebook and phone. He couldn’t bear to look at Jaehyun anymore, not him or his vomit. He took one last look at Jaehyun, glaring as much as he could before he turned around.
“This shit better all be cleared up by the time I get back,” he pulled on the door, “otherwise I really will kill you. And I’m not just saying it this time.”
“Whatever,” Jaehyun murmured, struggling to look away from the floor, his attention solely remaining on trying not to be sick again. Paying attention to Jungwoo's threats was difficult as he felt his head was being punched repeatedly.
Without even giving Jaehyun one last look, Jungwoo stepped out of the room, slamming the door with all his might. And yes, he was aware the loud sound would only make Jaehyun’s head worse, but he was way past caring.
He threw his bag over his shoulder, storming down the corridor, each step seeming powerful enough to break the floor underneath him, anger clear as day on his face. He ignored everyone that walked past, not even raising his head as people greeted him, far too angry to socialise.
He knew exactly where he was heading, for whereas Jaehyun only ever seems to make him more angry, he knew of one person who’d be able to calm him down. There’s only ever been one person who’s able to calm down Jungwoo, and that was Doyoung, his best friend. Doyoung has always been the epitome of a perfect friend, for regardless of any circumstances, he’s always been kind and supportive. Since the moment they met, Doyoung had been Jungwoo’s whole support system, always somehow knowing what Jungwoo needs to hear, the only person he’s ever truly trusted.
Whatever the time, Doyoung has always been there. He’s always prepared for anything, always ready to calm Jungwoo down, ready to listen, always more than willing to show Jungwoo that he’s never alone. In all honesty, there would be no Jungwoo without Doyoung, without his best friend, Jungwoo would have fallen apart a long time ago. Although he often struggles to say it out loud, Jungwoo loves Doyoung, and he always has. There isn’t anything Jungwoo wouldn’t do to make Doyoung happy.
The amusing thing is that Doyoung has actually always really liked Jaehyun. They aren’t especially close, for Jungwoo would never allow that, but Doyoung most definitely doesn’t share Jungwoo’s hatred. He’d never articulate that thought in front of him, not unless he was willing to experience death threats himself.
Doyoung was the only one who had a chance in Hell of calming Jungwoo down, and he hoped for Jungwoo’s self if nothing else that he’d be able to. He knew it would be necessary as he heard the sound of Jungwoo’s fist crashing into his dormitory door. Doyoung jumped off his bed, running towards the sound as he pictured it falling off. He didn’t need to waste any time in guessing who it was, for who else could sound that angry? He gritted his teeth, bracing himself slightly as he realised something must have gone wrong to ruin Jungwoo’s morning so badly, and he guessed there and then it had something to do with Jaehyun.
“Hey hey hey, what’s going on?” Doyoung pulled the door open, his eyes meeting with a red faced Jungwoo, smoke practically flying out of his ears. “Woo!” He begged, “what’s happened? Are you okay?”
Jungwoo wasted no time in entering, flying past Doyoung as he charged into the centre of the room as Doyoung took a seat on the bed, bracing himself for Jungwoo’s side of the story.
“I’m okay,” Jungwoo said, “I’m more than okay thanks,” he murmured sarcastically. “That absolute piss head of a roommate I’ve been lumbered with, however, well he isn’t okay. He’s far fucking from it, that dick I swear to God I’m-”
“Jungwoo.” Doyoung interrupted.
“What!?” Yelled Jungwoo.
“Just take a deep breath for me okay?” Doyoung bit his lip, worried that Jungwoo was only seconds away from exploding. It sounded like Jungwoo was getting increasingly louder with every word he spoke, that he was even potentially getting increasingly louder, (if that was even possible).
“Come sit down with me,” Doyoung patted the space on the bed next to him as Jungwoo rolled his eyes. “Then you can tell me what’s gone on.”
“Doyoung,” Jungwoo shook his head, “I don’t want to sit down! I want a new fucking roommate!”
Doyoung sighed, for this was clearly going to be harder than he’d originally thought, “okay…” he said apprehensively, “well then sit down and tell me why?”
He gave Jungwoo the look he’d perfected, one he’d never give to anyone else. It was a look that Jungwoo had learnt the meaning of over time, a look that speaks a thousand words, one that says I will do all I can to make this better, but you need to let me help you. It was a look that made Jungwoo admit defeat.
Jungwoo sighed in defeat as he sat down next to Jungwoo, feeling comfort only when Doyoung patted his knee supportingly.
Doyoung continued, “what happened Woo? Tell me?”
He rolled his eyes, for he knew Doyoung was only going to say it wasn’t a massive deal, that it was something that could be easily mended with a little bit of effort. Jungwoo had no idea how to even begin articulating how Jaehyun manages to get under his skin so well. Doyoung had always hated confrontation whilst Jungwoo always managed to hunt it down.
He took a deep breath, calming himself before talking, just hoping Doyoung would be able to understand.
“Hyung I’ve fallen behind, massively. I have so much I need to do, so much I haven’t even started yet and I have no idea how I’m ever gonna get it done.”
Doyoung rubbed his shoulder supportingly as Jungwoo continued, “with the end of term coming up I have so much I need to do to prepare for all the stupid exams and I’m worried I’m not many any progress at all,” he explained.
‘So last night, I decided I was going to try to get a good night's sleep, it would have been the first I’d had in a good few weeks. I wanted to wake up early this morning and get more work done, the stuff I’ve been avoiding all week. I finally managed to fall asleep after like, fucking hours of trying, and then suddenly I’m startled awake by the sound of Jaehyun spewing literally everywhere because he decided to get well and truly fucked.”
Doyoung opened his mouth, seeking the chance to talk but Jungwoo didn’t even give him the chance, he continued speaking before Doyoung could say a single word. “No hyung, you don’t understand, that’s not even the worst part! I still got up early this morning, without making a fuss I was still trying, and I managed to get, what? Maybe three words written down before his alarm went off. And then it went off again, and off, and off and off, on and on and on because he wouldn’t fucking turn it off! It was so fucking loud and that dick was just sleeping through it!?”
Jungwoo’s voice was getting louder as he continued, “I had to literally scream at him to turn it off, and then whilst freaking out like a baby, he then threw up again! All over his bed!”
“Well is he okay?” Doyoung asked.
Jungwoo’s mouth dropped, simply bewildered at the concern clear in Doyoung’s voice, not understanding why he could possibly care, “if he’s not okay,” he said bitterly, “well then he’s only got himself to blame for getting so pissed.”
Doyoung sighed, choosing his next words carefully, he wanted nothing more than to knock some sense into Jungwoo, but he knew that wouldn’t go down well. He understood what Jungwoo was saying, he knew why he was annoyed, but he didn’t see why world war three was a necessary conclusion. He nodded in Jungwoo’s direction, wanting him to see he was on his side.
“Woo, I get it, I do. I can see why that would be a pain in the ass, especially as you’d gotten up early, but come on…I doubt Jaehyun went out with the intention of ruining your day!”
“My day?” Jungwoo exclaimed, “he’s not ruining my day hyung, that idiot is ruining my life! Just because Jaehyun is happy being some sort of failure doesn’t mean that I am!”
Doyoung frowned, “well at least tell me you didn’t say that to him?”
Jungwoo nodded in disbelief, “obviously! Why would I not?” He asked, confused.
Doyoung rubbed his head with his hands and Jungwoo didn’t miss the somewhat frustrated look on his face, although he had no idea why it was there, “what!?”
“Jungwoo…” Doyoung said carefully, “there’s a big difference between being annoying and then being nasty you know…What Jaehyun did, well I get that was annoying, really fucking annoying maybe, but you, well Jungwoo you were just nasty…”
Jungwoo gasped, “I’m not nasty!”
“Yes I know that!” Doyoung exclaimed, “but I’m not sure Jaehyun does though. Especially not if that’s the kind of thing you say to him.”
Jungwoo smirked, “well then it’s good that I give more shits about the fucking weather then what Jaehyun thinks of me then, isn’t it?”
Doyoung thought it was probably best for him to say nothing in response, for all the hundreds of thoughts running around his mind would have simply irritated Jungwoo even more.
He’d never been able to understand Jungwoo and Jaehyun’s warped dynamic, for in Doyoung’s eyes, Jungwoo had always been the kindest, most living friend he could wish for. It’s only ever been when Jaehyun is involved that Jungwoo turns into someone Doyoung doesn’t know or understand.
“Hyung, he’s just such a dick! And whilst this shit continues, I still have so much fucking work left!”
Doyoung paused for a second, “but that’s not exactly Jaehyun’s fault, is it?”
“Huh?” Jungwoo said, confused about what Doyoung was getting at.
“Jungwoo,” Doyoung said gently, “it’s not Jaehyun’s fault that you have lots of work to do, so if that’s why you were stressed, well that wasn’t his fault. Have you considered that maybe,” he paused, “you were stressed about your work, and that maybe you took that out on him?”
Jungwoo didn’t respond, he simply stared at the floor, focusing hardly on a slight scratch on Doyoung’s flooring. He was embarrassed, for he knew Doyoung was right, that he was being irrational. He realised that more often than not, it was Jungwoo who was being proven wrong.
“Woo, I’m not having a go,” he said kindly, “I know he was inconsiderate keeping you up last night, and he should have let you work peacefully this morning. All I’m saying is that Jaehyun probably feels like it doesn’t matter what he does, because you’ll have a problem whatever it is. Yell at him if you want, especially when he deserves it, just maybe give him a bit of a break when he’s not well, regardless of whether it’s his own fault or not.”
Jungwoo nodded, but that was simply to please Doyoung, for he knew he would only end up ignoring his advice. He understood that Doyoung was talking sense, for he always did, but Jungwoo wasn’t looking to be proven wrong anymore.
Jungwoo had heard more than enough, Doyoung had stirred the guilt in his stomach, his dorm suddenly seeming rather warm. He caught sight of the sun shining outside the window and had a sudden desperate urge to be outside, to be anywhere away from Doyoung’s common sense.
He felt something simmering inside of him, like he was suddenly struggling to breathe properly. He grabbed his bag off the floor, struggling to look at a confused Doyoung.
“Hyung,” Jungwoo said quietly, “I’m gonna head to the library, I might as well try to get some work done now.”
Doyoung frowned, confused by Jungwoo’s sudden change in tone, “oh, are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.” Jungwoo paused, “I mean that’s okay, thank you though hyung. We could get lunch later if you want, we could invite the others?”
Doyoung smiled, “sure, I’ll message the group chat now! But are you sure you don’t want some company? I’m more than happy to come with you Woo!”
Jungwoo shook his head, “nah, you’re okay,” he smiled reassuringly, “see you later hyung.”
“Bye Jungwoo,” Doyoung smiled in response as Jungwoo walked towards the door, bag over his shoulder. He only turned around when he heard Doyoung speak again, “oh, and Woo?”
“Hmm?” Jungwoo murmured.
“Love you,” Doyoung said with a wink.
Jungwoo simply laughed in response at the kindness of his friend, for although he found it slightly cringe, he knew it was meant in the sweetest way, “yeah,” he said, “as you should.”
He closed the door before Doyoung had the chance to argue, laughing as he imagined the look on his face. As he felt his face breaking into a grin, he couldn’t help but marvel at how much better he felt in comparison to when he arrived. Doyoung’s healing power was the only explanation Jungwoo could think of, forever feeling grateful for his best friend.
He made his way towards campus, enjoying the feel of the sun hitting his back as he squinted in the light. His mind was working overtime, reliving his fight with Jaehyun over and over in his mind. He thought long and hard over the language he used and he was surprised at how ashamed just the thought of it was making him feel. The look on his roommate's face was bothering him more than it should have, for they’d argued so many times previously, and he’d never cared before.
But he did care, and never before had he felt guilt like it, and the feeling was biting at his mind. He made his way down the road, the buzzing of the traffic nipping at his ears as he tried to distract his mind. He paused briefly as an idea flew into his head, an idea like none he’s ever had before. The idea surprised him, but he knew it was an idea Doyoung would be proud of.
He reached the cross road, but just as he was about to turn towards the library, he continued walking, turning into the campus store. The bell above the door rang as he looked around, looking for a certain aisle.
He searched the shelves, walking around he saw the words “hangover relief’ written in bold. He picked up two packets of painkillers, shoving them in his basket along with a large bottle of pink lucozade, assuming it was Jaehyun’s favourite flavour based on all of the empty bottles stuffed under his bed. He moved towards the till, quickly grabbing himself a new air freshener, for God knows he needed it desperately after the previous night’s events.
He thanked the staff on the till, shoving his items into his bag, struggling to hold back an eye roll when he caught sight of the total price, spending a lot more than he’d originally wanted to.
He knew where to go next, turning out of the shop and heading towards a place on campus he’d never usually go to, for he was making his way towards Jaehyun’s favourite spot. He knew Jaehyun wouldn’t have been in any state to leave their form, but he planned an escape route just in case he needed to disappear in the opposite direction.
He sighed as he reached the benches, immediately noticing Taeyong sat with a group of people Jungwoo has always hated. How lovely, he thought to himself, irritated at how they were all laughing so loudly, finding the high pitch sound of their happiness rather irritating, like nails climbing down a blackboard.
Much to Jungwoo’s relief, Taeyong looked over straight away, meaning there was no need for any small talk. Taeyong raised his eyebrows, clearly both surprised and confused by Jungwoo’s presence, having never seen him willingly near Jaehyun or his friends before. Still avoiding small talk, Jungwoo simply gestured with his hand for Taeyong to come over. Taeyong pointed to himself as if to ask, me? Jungwoo rolled his eyes, for why else would he be there.
He nodded, causing Taeyong to stand up, still struggling to hide the confusion from his face as Jungwoo willed for him to hurry up, feeling he’d wasted enough of his morning already.
“Hey Jungwoo!”
Jungwoo frowned, for why was Taeyong smiling?
“Long time no see,” he continued, “how are you doing?”
Jungwoo sighed, “this isn’t a social call by the way,” he said rather harshly as he watched the smile disappear off Taeyong’s face.
“Oh,” Taeyong murmured, for although he was incredibly surprised to see Jungwoo, he hadn’t considered yet that the surprise may have been a negative one, or at least he hadn’t until that moment.
“Are you busy?” Jungwoo asked impatiently.
“No,” Taeyong shook his head, “not really, we were just hanging before going to class later. Why,” he asked rather suspiciously, “did you want to join-”
Oh God no, Jungwoo thought to himself.
“No thank you, I just need you to do something for me if that’s alright.”
Well if Taeyong wasn’t already confused, he definitely was then, looking carefully at Jungwoo, struggling to figure out the look on his face. He raised his eyebrows, nodding slowly, “erm, okay…sure, of course. What do you need, Jungwoo?”
Jungwoo sighed, pulling the plastic bag he’d gotten from the shop out of his bag. He held it outwards, directing Taeyong to take it, staring at him without a smile, impatiently waiting. Taeyong frowned, taking the bag, although he looked as though he was scared of what was inside.
“What is it?”
“Oh, I don’t know Taeyong, but it might help if you look in it?” He said sarcastically, sighing slightly when he realised that maybe his attitude might be the mean thing Doyoung was hinting at.
“Jaehyun isn’t too great after your little night out yesterday,” he said bitterly, “so it’s just a few little bits to help.”
He didn’t miss the sheer shock that flashed across Taeyong’s face, although the look bothered him slightly, for was Jungwoo doing something nice really that surprising?
“Oh shit, I knew I shouldn’t have left him!” He said guiltily, “I’m sorry Jungwoo, I hope he didn’t bother you too much…”
Be nice, Jungwoo thought to himself, “no, it’s fine, don’t worry.”
“That’s really kind of you Jungwoo,” Taeyong said with a nervous smile, although he looked like he was holding something back. He continued, “but…”
“But what?” Jungwoo asked.
“Why don’t you just take this back with you, yourself, why don’t you give it to Jaehyun, I know he’d really appreciate it.”
Jungwoo almost shuddered, “God no!” He cleared his throat as Taeyong’s face fell, “I just mean I think he’d rather it come from you anyway, so there’s no need for you to say it was me who bought it.”
Taeyong opened his mouth to talk, but stopped himself, a confused frown on his face. He looked carefully at Jungwoo, looking completely lost, “right…” he said, “well if you’re sure?”
Jungwoo smirked, “oh I’m very sure thanks, just tell him you knew he’d drink too much or something.”
“Okay…” Taeyong said. He smiled gratefully, “thank you though, Jungwoo. Genuinely, this is really kind of you, and if Jaehyun knew that this was all you,” he held up the bag, then he’d be thanking you too.”
Jungwoo didn’t smile in return, all he offered was a simple nod, “right. Well I’ll be off then. Bye, Taeyong.”
He didn’t even give Taeyong the chance to say goodbye in response, for he didn’t feel like being reminded of his sudden kindness, especially from Jaehyun’s best friend. He winced lightly, feeling some bizarre feeling in his chest, like an uncomfortable pain he couldn’t get rid of. Was that how everyone feels when they do the right thing? Well if so, then Jungwoo was adamant he wouldn’t be rushing to do the right thing again anytime soon.
To make himself feel at ease he told himself that he only did it so Jaehyun wouldn’t be vomiting everywhere, so he’d be able to turn off his alarm quicker. Surely, Jungwoo wouldn’t do something just to be kind to Jaehyun, surely that wasn’t in his nature. Jungwoo shuddered, of course not, it was simply for his personal gain, like everything he’s ever done.
He made his way to the library as planned, sitting at his favourite spot, pulling his laptop out of his bag. The library was busy, and he felt a sense of achievement that he managed to find a corner away from the crowd. He opened up the work he had to do, but he struggled to start, struggled to even look at the screen.
He found it impossible to focus on his work, and that time, he couldn’t blame his lack of attention on Jaehyun which annoyed him greatly.
He grabbed his phone, sighing as he opened up the screen, typing in the group chat. He asked the others to meet him, feeling fed up with his own company, desperately looking for a distraction.
He smiled in relief when they all replied straight away, they all agreed to meet him in the library cafe. He slammed down his laptop screen, packing away his things as quickly as he could, moving away from the desk. He couldn’t have run out of there any quicker if he tried, he barely even looked up from the floor as he left. He was simply so desperate to escape the room of people who all looked like they were achieving a whole lot more than he was.
The weather hadn’t changed whilst he was trapped inside, the bright light of the sun contrasting heavily with his frazzled mood. He looked over to where Taeyong had been sat as he walked back past the benches, feeling relief after he spotted he was no longer there.
He struggled to put his finger on why he felt so relieved, was it because it meant someone would probably be cleaning his room? Was he relieved that it meant that someone would be checking on Jaehyun, that someone was seeing if he was okay? He refused to spend any time considering the second option, after all, he’d never cared about Jaehyun before, so why would he suddenly start?
He caught sight of the cafe in front of him, breathing in the scent of the coffee, feeling calm at the sight of the familiar building. He smiled in relief as he spotted that his favourite table was empty, for he had a soft spot for the small table over by the window, enjoying the privacy.
He pushed the door open, heading towards his table, the quiet offering some sort of sanctuary from the otherwise chaotic cafe, the room filled with people. He dropped his bag on one of the spare seats and pulled out his wallet, making his way up to the till, for they’d been there enough times that he didn’t need to look through the menu.
“Hi! What can I get for you?”
Jungwoo looked up at the waiter, slightly confused by the large smile on her face. What is there to be happy about? He wanted to ask, but he didn’t think that would go down so well, so he settled for ordering a coffee.
“One americano,” the waiter repeated, “is that all for you today?” He asked.
Jungwoo paused for a second before speaking again, “actually..” he thought, “make that four please.”
The waiter raised his eyebrows, “so four americanos?”
Jungwoo wondered why he looked so surprised. He recognised him from previous visits, and never before had he ever ordered anyone else a drink. Jungwoo thought the surprise was because the waiter wrongly thought all drinks were for him, but he was wrong, for he’d never once bought more than one drink in all the years he’d been going.
He paid for the drinks, then made his way back to the table. He’d only been sat back down a few seconds when his friends walked into the cafe, Jungwoo immediately recognising the sound of Mark’s squeaky laugh, for it had always been a tough sound to miss. Jungwoo looked up to see Mark and Haechan practically skipping over, for they clearly hadn’t been informed of his sour mood.
Haechan grinned in his direction, “hyung!” He said cheerfully, “hi!” He leaned over the chair, moving closer to give Jungwoo a hug, closely followed by Mark.
“Hey guys,” Jungwoo said, not quite matching their excitement, “you both alright?”
Mark smiled, “we’re good hyung, how are you?”
Jungwoo tried to smile in response, “yeah I’m great thanks.” Doyoung looked up from his seat, greeting Jungwoo with a questioning look, one that could only be interpreted as saying stop with the bullshit, kid. Doyoung had deliberately chosen the seat next to Jungwoo at the table, somewhere he could easily keep a close eye on his friend.
Doyoung went to speak, smiling at Jungwoo but he was interrupted by the waiter walking over towards their table, balancing a tray with four mugs on, steam floating from the drinks. Jungwoo went to thank him, but Haechan spoke first, eyebrows raised towards the waiter, “oh, sorry, we haven’t actually ordered yet!”
The waiter frowned, nodding in Jungwoo’s direction, “yeah,” he said, “he did,” nodding towards Jungwoo.
“You?” Mark asked, much to Jungwoo’s annoyance, struggling to hold back an eye roll at the surprise in his voice.
“Yes,” Jungwoo responded, “me! Now, do you guys want your drinks, or should I just keep all four for myself?”
Haechan gasped, “wow! Thank you hyung, I always knew you were my favourite.”
That’s more like it, Jungwoo thought as Haechan winked in his direction. Doyoung smiled at the waiter as he reached for the tray, thanking him before turning towards Jungwoo, “thank you Woo. Really, this is a lovely surprise.”
Jungwoo was suddenly becoming very sick of the word surprise, why was it a surprise? Why was Jungwoo wanting to do something nice for his friends a surprise? Why was something as simple as buying a few coffees a surprise? At first it was Taeyong, and then his own best friends. When did Jungwoo being a good person become such a rarity that people were genuinely shocked?
It was beginning to feel like he’d made a mistake by trying so hard to be nice, for had he never tried, then he never would have had to learn that maybe, he’s never been so nice after all. What if it isn’t just Jaehyun that’s had to witness his mean side, maybe that’s his only side. Jungwoo really hoped not.
“Jungwoo?”
He hadn’t even noticed that Mark was talking to him, for he was too busy enjoying the silence, even if it was all in his own head.
“Yeah?” He responded.
Mark raised his eyebrows, wondering which planet Jungwoo had disappeared to, “you good?”
“Of course,” Jungwoo responded, “are you ?”
Doyoung put his drink down, turning slowly towards Jungwoo, looking into his eyes, “you know, that’s the second time I’ve heard you say you’re okay today Woo..”
Jungwoo scoffed, “well maybe that’s because I am okay, hyung. Have you considered that for a second?”
“Jaehyun.”
All Doyoung had to do was mutter one particular word to Mark and Haechan, and they suddenly understood immediately without hearing anything else.
They both reacted identically, a simultaneous “ahhh” came from their mouths as they quickly began to understand the sour frown that had been stuck on Jungwoo’s face all day.
Jungwoo rolled his eyes, disappointed at the look of enlightenment that flashed across their faces, suggesting in his eyes that Jaehyun had complete control over every little emotion he ever felt. Just because he fell out with Jaehyun (not that he’d ever fallen in with him), did not mean that Jaehyun was all he cared about.
Although his dislike of his roommate has always taken up a lot of his mind, it isn’t a personality trait, yet his supposed friends have always acted as though it is. It’s like they find it amusing, that they see it as some sort of entertainment, something for them to have a giggle at. For Jungwoo, it couldn’t be less amusing, it’s something he’s had to live through every day. There’s one positive thing that his war with Jaehyun had gifted Jungwoo, and that’s that it has left him with no time to think about any other problems, for he’s always far too busy losing the will to live with his roommate.
“You guys,” Jungwoo said determinedly, “it was nothing.”
“But that’s not what you said earlier…”
“Well that’s what I’m saying now!” Jungwoo sighed, feeling regret at the way he just snapped at Doyoung, sensing the judgement of his friends.
He never meant to snap, but then he never meant to do a lot of things, but feeling regret is useless once it’s already happened. He shook his head guiltily, “I’m sorry hyung, I just really don’t want to talk about Jaehyun anymore. Or ever again,” he added.
Doyoung didn’t budge, he remained smiling sweetly, forever the supportive friend. He tapped Jungwoo’s shoulder reassuringly, “okay Woo, that’s fine, whatever you want.”
They didn’t stay long in the cafe after Jungwoo’s outburst, they’d barely even finished their drinks by the time they left. They could all see that Jungwoo wasn’t feeling very social, and they were worried they might say the wrong thing, that they might look the wrong way, that they might do anything that could offend Jungwoo.
Jungwoo felt as though the day really should have been coming to an end, leaving him incredibly disappointed when he caught sight of the clock, noticing it was barely past 1 o’clock in the afternoon. He made an effort, trying as hard as he could to join in with the others, however he only said a few words, joining in the conversation when it seemed necessary, giving nothing else.
The others began to pack up, all having separate places to go, agreeing to speak later on the group chat. Jungwoo still didn’t feel like going home, he decided to make his way back to the library, still having his work to do. Doyoung said he’d go with, but Jungwoo declined, saying he wanted some time on his own.
He left Doyoung with the others, Doyoung deciding to head into town whilst Jungwoo walked down the campus path for what felt like the hundredth time that day. The sun wasn’t as bright, the cold air nipping at his flesh. He shivered as he made his way into the building, searching around for an empty desk, finally finding one away from anyone else, pulling his laptop out of his bag.
He turned on the screen, only he didn’t open the necessary document, he sat there, staring at his home screen. He chose it months ago, one of his favourite pictures taken during the previous summer, a photo of him and Doyoung sitting together, grinning on the beach, the ocean shining in the background.
His eyes were drawn to the large grins plastered across their faces, for they looked as happy as anyone could ever be. He giggled slightly, noticing that Doyoung’s face hadn’t changed over time whatsoever, for he still had that sweet bunny looking grin, the one Jungwoo was lucky enough to see all the time.
There was one significant difference in the picture that Jungwoo couldn’t help but notice, and that was the large smile on his face, for he knew in his mind that he hadn’t smiled like that in a long time. The grin in the photo wasn’t fake, it was genuine, a smile so wide it would cause his face to ache, a smile that could be spotted from miles away.
He shook his head, for just because he struggled to smile like that anymore didn’t mean he needed to be constantly reminded, feeling no desire to constantly see a painful reminder of happier times, times when life felt a whole lot easier. That’s why he decided to change it, deleting his smiling face from the screen, swapping it for a blank image, a background that wouldn’t upset him. That’s more like it, he thought to himself.
Even as the hours passed, he struggled to get anything done, time flying by as Jungwoo struggled to concentrate. He didn’t move, not even once, his eyes glued to the screen, the blank screen, still not getting any work done.
He tried, desperately trying to work even when his brain was screaming at him that he couldn’t take anymore, for it was clear that nothing at all was going in. The to-do list wasn’t getting any smaller, and neither was his stress, his leg tapping on the ground, the sound irritating the students sitting nearby.
His phone was buzzing, sounds bothering him numerous times until he turned it on silent, ignoring the unread messages. Doyoung had checked up on him, asking how his work was going, Haechan and Mark had sent him memes he struggled to laugh at, group chats filled with people he wished he didn’t know.
Doyoung’s words from their previous conversation were running through Jaehyun’s mind, his sense annoying him more than he imagined it would. It was a strange feeling, something he’d never before experienced, for he’d always felt that his ability to live his life without worrying about the thoughts of others was a strength, it was just unfortunate for him that it felt like a strength he was beginning to lose.
The students around him began to leave the library as the day rattled on, the once packed room becoming increasingly empty, the noise diminishing into a quiet muddle. Jungwoo himself only began packing up his things when he was given the threat of being locked in overnight. Little did the Librarian know that a night spent in the library seemed significantly more appealing to Jungwoo than a night in his dorm with Jaehyun. The only positive he was clinging to was the small hope that Jaehyun might be out when he got back.
He closed down his laptop, not that it had been any use to his distracted mind, shoving his thing into his bag, rolling his eyes at the sound of the rain hitting against the window, for it meant he had a long walk home.
He thanked the librarian, pulling his coat over his hair, the pouring rain hitting him from every angle as he stepped outside, the sky dark as the night approached. It only took a few minutes until he was then drenched from head to toe, rain soaking through his clothes, his flesh cold and icy.
Fuck this, he thought to himself as the cold air began to engulf him completely, struggling without a heavy coat, simply the mac he’d grabbed in a hurry. His wet air began to cling to the back of his neck, the water droplets falling down his back.
Despite his desperate reluctance, the darkness was beginning to spread and Jungwoo knew he only had two options; either rush home, getting into the warm, or having to spend a week trapped in the bed suffering with the flu.
He broke out into a run, charging down the path as his hands shivered, his fingers turning slightly blue in the cold. He caught sight of the dorm building up ahead, the lights coming through the window diverting his attention from the light of the moon that had appeared in the dark. He diverted his mind, trying his hardest to manifest the lack of Jaehyun as the rain worsened his mood by the second.
He made his way towards the building, unlocking the door with his combination, pulling off his coat as soon as he was back in the warm. He opened the door to the stairs, climbing at them two at a time, desperately wishing for Jaehyun to be busy elsewhere. He would have accepted Jaehyun being asleep, Jaehyun meditating, he’d settle for anything that would mean there was no need for any dialogue. He paused when he reached the door to their dorm, his mind focusing on Doyoung’s earlier advice.
Be nice, he thought to himself, for he could practically hear Doyoung muttering those very words in his mind. He took a deep breath, composing himself before pulling at the door, slowly entering the room as his mind ran in overtime. His eyes were wide, noticing Jaehyun sitting on his bed, a bowl of ramen in his hands, laughing rather loudly at something on his phone.
Jungwoo rolled his eyes, for the whole being nice thing was going to be a much harder task than he had thought. He chose to ignore Jaehyun at first, even when he realised the weird feeling on his back was Jaehyun staring. He opened his wardrobe, throwing his wet coat into the wardrobe, shuddering at his damp hair.
He took a seat on the side of his bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket, still choosing to ignore his roommate. He looked at him for a brief second, blushing slightly as they made eye contact. It was clear to Jungwoo that Jaehyun was desperate to say something, and Jungwoo understood, for the silence was unbearable for them both.
He sighed heavily, knowing something had to be said to stop the awkwardness, the silence speaking a thousand words. He thought Jaehyun was probably too nervous to say something, luckily for him however, Jungwoo was full of courage.
Jungwoo opened his mouth, about to say something when he noticed that something in the room was different. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly had happened, but he knew something had changed. The whole room seemed significantly cleaner and brighter than it had in the morning, there was no mess, no vomit. Everything was tucked away neatly, no mess anywhere.
It was then that Jungwoo realised what had happened, for Jaehyun must have done it, it was Jaehyun who cleaned up and tidied, he’d even taken the time to sort out Jungwoo’s side of the room. The state the room was in that morning made it clear that it must have taken Jaehyun hours, he must have spent the whole day cleaning, even though he wasn’t feeling good.
Jungwoo’s heart felt different, it felt weird, almost as if someone was pulling at it. There was no denying the significant effort Jaehyun must have gone to, and Jungwoo couldn’t help but feel moved at his act of kindness, like suddenly the morning’s incident had never happened.
He thought once more about his conversation with Doyoung, that he might be taking out his stress on others, causing him to bite his lip, feeling rather guilty as Jaehyun watched him nervously. He thought about the morning again, mind focusing on the spiteful way in which he yelled at Jaehyun, even when he was clearly struggling.
He sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket, looking up at his roommate once more, “so, how are you feeling?” He asked apprehensively.
Jaehyun’s eyes widened, Jungwoo feeling infuriated by the surprise on his face. He said, “oh! I’m okay, yeah, I feel much better now, Taeyong came round with some supplies.”
Jungwoo smirked as he continued, “he helped me clean this place up.” He cleared his throat, “thank you for asking though, Jungwoo.”
Jungwoo nodded, “good. And you’re welcome…for asking, I mean.”
Jaehyun pulled himself forward on the bed, meaning he was sitting closer to Jungwoo, although the decreased space didn’t mean they started looking at each other, they were still too uncomfortable for that.
That was why Jungwoo hated being nice, for the thought that it was all going to bite him in response made him feel rather ill.
“I know I kept you up last night Jungwoo,” Jungwoo looked up as Jaehyun continued, his face genuine, “and I’m sorry.”
Jungwoo's eyes widened, for they had never apologised to each other before, it just wasn’t in their nature. This was alien territory to them.
“Honestly,” Jaehyun said, “I had no idea you had so much work to do, otherwise I would have been more careful. I shouldn’t have been such a pain, and I’m sorry.”
Jungwoo nodded, “it’s okay.” Although he wasn’t sure that it was, he had no idea what he was saying, it just felt like the right thing to say at the time.
“I was cleaning up with Taeyong, we were sorting out the mess, so I thought I’d clean the rest of the room whilst at it, just have it all looking a bit brighter.”
Jaehyun sounded nervous, like he was desperately looking for Jungwoo’s approval.
He smiled politely, “thank you…really, thank you. It all looks great, really great.”
Jaehyun smiled, his eyes sparkling, relief clearly written on his face.
Jungwoo didn’t return the smile, but he nodded contently, and content is something Jungwoo has learnt to settle with, for content has always been more than enough.
Jaehyun put his headphones back on, going back on his phone, continuing with what he was watching. Silence quickly fell over the room once more, the only difference being it was no longer unwelcome, for there wasn’t any tension, the atmosphere was calm.
Not that Jungwoo could have ever imagined any peace after the morning they’d endured, the rest of the evening managed to pass by without any issues, Jungwoo found himself feeling comforted at the calm aura around the dorm.
He took time preparing his dinner, cooking one of his favourite meals, eating it happily in their room. Whilst enjoying his meal he finally replied to Doyoung, taking the time to laugh at the memes that had flooded the group chat throughout the day.
He spent a few hours on his phone, flicking back and forth between snapchat and instagram, finishing the rest of his meal joyfully. He cleared this throat, wiping the food away from around his mouth before walking to the kitchen, carrying his dishes with him.
He found himself enjoying the peace, enjoying the lack of drama, the calmness flying through the air. He made ramen for his tea, enjoying the spicy taste, eating it hunched over his laptop, watching one of his favourite dramas. Doyoung was relieved once he saw he’d finally received a response from his distant friend, Jungwoo going through his phone and laughing at the memes the others were sending him.
Silly Jungwoo.
After all, he should have known it was never going to last.
He’d gone to the toilet, preparing to go to bed, hoping to make up for the lack of sleep from the night before. It was only when he returned to his room that something caught his eye, and it was something that caused his blood to boil.
He wasn’t sure why his eyes looked in direction, for he had no reason to look up at that corner of the room, but he almost jumped when he did. He caught sight of his shelving cabinet, noticing something strange on top. He’s used that shelf for storage, especially the top, using it to hide things he hadn’t looked through in years, not even thinking about the contents of the box he found himself frowning at.
He only knew there was something different about the box because he spotted that the lid wasn’t suck on properly. The lid was resting diagonally on top of the shoebox, and as Jungwoo hadn’t dared to even look at the box in years, then he knew it couldn’t have been him who left it like that. It didn’t take him long to figure out who the culprit was, and as he caught sight of that person, red flashed across his eyes, genuinely feeling like he was seconds away from exploding.
“What the fuck did you do!” Yelled Jungwoo as he ran towards the shelf, reaching out and grabbing the shoe box from the top shelf, pulling it close to his chest, still refusing to look inside.
The sudden noise caused Jaehyun to jump, the yell catching him by surprise, especially when he noticed the rage on Jungwoo’s face. He quickly pulled his headphones off his chest, desperately trying to decipher the look of fury in his roommate's eyes, bewildered by the sudden outburst.
“What the fuck Jeong!!” Jungwoo was screaming, his knuckles turning white as they clung to the box, like he was petrified of letting go.
Jaehyun jumped up, feeling genuine concern for Jungwoo, still no closer to understanding what had just happened. His eyes were wide, his face full of concern as he reached out, “what, what!? What’s happening?” He asked desperately, “Jungwoo?”
Jungwoo stepped forward, moving until he was practically screaming right in Jaehyun’s face, “you son of a bitch I swear to God!”
“Jungwoo!” He yelled, “for fucks sake I have no idea what you mean what-”
“Have fun did you?” Jungwoo interrupted, “hey? Looking through my things, my own personal things? Did you enjoy laughing at me??”
Jaehyun felt simply exasperated, for he really didn’t have a clue what had gone on, Jungwoo was practically standing over him, and Jaehyun had never seen such aggression from anyone before.
They’d argued before, they’d even argued that very morning, but it was nowhere near Jungwoo’s newest outburst. His whole face was bright red, his eyes screaming, looking like he wanted to pass out there and then. Jaehyun was upset, for the sight in front of him was rather haunting.
“Come on Jungwoo, please calm down, just take a breath okay, I really have no idea what you’re talking about..” He said as he looked around, seeking answers. He looked at Jungwoo, behind Jungwoo, around Jungwoo, finally spotting the shoebox on his bed as he looked to his side, noticing the way Jungwoo was standing as though he was desperate to protect it.
“Wait, that?? ” He said confused, “I was tidying so I used it to put some of your things in.. just the stuff on the floor I didn’t know where you wanted it all, I didn’t mean t-”
“You didn’t mean what? Huh? What didn’t you mean Jeong? You didn’t mean to go through my things? You didn’t mean to touch my things, you didn’t mean to shove your ugly fucking nose around my stuff like some nosey prick??”
“I told you! I was cleaning up! I was helping, or at least I was trying to, I swear!” Jaehyun had quickly lost any sort of sympathy, he found himself beginning to lose his temper, his voice rising to match Jungwoo’s.
“Yes but you then failed to tell me that you went routing through my things like some fucking bitch!”
That was it.
Jaehyun had heard more than enough, he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
He’d gone out of his way to try to make amends for the previous night, he’d spent hours stuck in the room, cleaning even Jungwoo’s side; scrubbing, vacuuming, everything. Jungwoo had thrown it back in his face and Jaehyun was sick to death of never feeling good enough. He’d spent his whole life trying to prove his worth and he wasn’t going to continue trying with someone who wouldn’t even look at him most of the time.
“For once Jungwoo, would you just shut the fuck up!”
Jaehyun himself was shocked at the volume of his voice, the yell ringing through Jungwoo’s ears, catching him off guard, stopping him from saying another word.
“I did all this for you!” He said desperately, “despite your constant whining, your horrible glares, your constant judgement I tried so hard to get everything looking good, to say sorry and…” he took a deep breath, “and to make you happy! Because day after day you walk around all the time like the whole World is constantly out to get you and you’re sad all the fucking time.” He sighed, “I thought you’d like it! I thought this would make things at least a tiny bit better!”
Jungwoo didn’t say anything in response.
“I didn’t look through your crap Jungwoo,” he said sincerely, “I wouldn’t do that, ever. But even if I did, I would never laugh, never ever, for I wouldn’t do something like that, I’d never do that to you, I wouldn’t do it to anyone, let alone the person I live with.”
He bent down, grabbing his bag off the floor, “just clean your own shit next time, do everything yourself next time! Because I’m fucking done, I’m done with everything.”
Jungwoo watched him pick the rest of his stuff off his bed, shoving his phone into his back pocket as he walked towards the door. Jaehyun turned around one last time, shouting again as Jungwoo bit his lip, “and I’m your hyung remember! I’m your fucking hyung so just for once, take your head out of your ass and have some fucking respect!”
The door slammed shut, leaving Jungwoo standing shaking alone, struggling to respond, too caught up in shock, too caught up in anger.
Despite all the issues they’d had together, he’d never before seen Jaehyun like that, never seen him break, he didn’t know he even had it in him. Jaehyun had spent their time together always taking whatever Jungwoo threw at him, Jungwoo could do whatever and knew he wouldn’t get anything in response.
He’d always been the one to start things, but he’d always be the one to end them, he’d never expected to have control ripped away from him. He wasn’t trying to start any harm, but he couldn’t help but react like that, he couldn’t hold back his anger. The idea that someone could go through his personal things made him feel sick inside. He sat completely still for a moment, desperately wishing for his heart to return to normal speed.
His hands shook viciously as he picked up the shoebox, memories suddenly flooding through him as he lifted off the top. The box, although looking like nothing on the outside, was filled with Jungwoo’s most valuable memories, the moments he wanted to treasure forever.
He struggled to breathe as he pulled out his family photo, having to hold in his tears at the sight of his younger self holding hands with his parents, the last photo they took together. The photo was taken on the last day he ever saw them as a couple, it’s the last memory he has of them all as a family unit.
His eyes continued to water as he reached out for the envelopes, pulling out the letters his Nan had sent him whilst she was alive, holding them tightly close to his chest, his heart hurting at the supportive words, the words he knew he wasn’t worthy of.
Jaehyun may have been witness to a simple shoebox, but he had no idea that he was actually witnessing Jungwoo’s whole life story, he didn’t know that inside the box were the things that Jungwoo had never dared tell anyone.
He couldn’t stand it anymore, he couldn’t look back, wanting to shove everything away for another ten years, go back to the comfort of pretending his life before college didn’t exist. He’d lived through the past and he barely survived, so he didn’t want to relive it, didn’t want to accept that it ever happened.
He shoved the box under his bed, hoping no one would ever find it again, hoping he himself would never have to look through it once more.
As he sat back on his bed he realised then with his head in his hands that something major needed to change, only he was adamant that it was never going to be him doing the changing. Not of any kind.