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Your diagnostic was given to you a long time ago. Sure, schizophrenia was a pain in the ass. It meant, no loud or bright places, and socializing was difficult most of the time. But you learned to deal with it, just like everything else in your life. Soon enough, with the appropriate treatment, you managed to somewhat find a normal life. Somewhat.
Even when you carefully took your pills each day, you had occasional episodes. It happened on average a couple times a week at least. You could probably compare it to a sleep paralysis, except you weren’t sleeping and you had full control of your body.
And it was always the same thing too. He would appear, sit and you two would engage in conversations which most of the time were quite pleasant.
His name was Dabi. You couldn’t remember if you gave him that name when you first met him at the age of 6 or if he told it to you himself.
You two almost grew up together. At least, you did, while he always looked the same. Tall, lanky and gloomy. Dark hair and burn marks covering his distinctive body. You were scared the first time you saw him, clinging onto your teddy bear for dear life and running to your mom crying while she assured you that there was nothing in the room with you.
Dabi just watched at first. He remained silent as you tried to ignore him. One day you felt particularly lonely playing by yourself and hesitantly approached him with your favorite doll and shoved it in his arms before covering your face, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
In truth, the doll just fell on the floor, but that wasn’t what you saw or felt. For the brief moment you had touched him, it felt very real, and your toy was now residing in his large hands.
“What am I supposed to do with that.” He murmured, looking at it like he’d never seen one before.
His low voice startled you but you tried being brave like your mom advised you to do so when you saw scary things.
“Play with me.” You said in a squeaky voice.
And that’s how your weird relationship with him started.
Years later, here you were, on your bed, sketching away on your notebook. It was a nice distraction you found when faced with a head full of thoughts that didn’t make any sense. Dabi laid next to you seemingly interested in what you were drawing.
“Is that me?” he said, leaning over your shoulder, his lips almost touching your ear.
“Yes, can’t you tell?” you frowned, thinking poorly of your skills.
“I don’t know, I’ve never seen myself.” He said.
You turned around in shock. “Really?” you stood up and grabbed the mirror resting on your desk. “Look.”
“I can’t see anything (Y/N).” he patted the bed with a small comforting smile, gesturing you to come back next to him.
You sighed and placed it back down before nestling yourself back against him.
Dabi opened his mouth as if to say something before getting cut short by your phone buzzing.
“I’m sorry, I just need to take my medicine.” You turned around, to reach into your nightstand but Dabi grabbed your arm stopping you dead in your track.
“What’s wrong?” you inquired as you felt his shaky hand against your skin.
“I don’t like when you take those.”
You smiled at your friend. “You know I have to take them.”
His grip didn’t loosen around your arm however, it seemed like he was gripping it even harder feeling as though it would leave a bruise.
“Dabi… ?” you murmured his name as he seemed lost in his thoughts.
“I’m sorry…” He let go of your arm and watched you rub it to soothe yourself before continuing. “It’s just that when you take them I end up disappearing. Even if it’s for a short while I don’t like it… Not being with you.”
You felt your heart sink in your chest. “Hey it’s okay, it doesn’t always happen anyways…” you tried reassuring him by giving him a hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist, making you straddle his lap and inhaled your comforting scent. “Plus, you never disappear you know? You’re always on my mind, and I look forward to my time with you. I’m even sad when you’re not here for a day or two so…” he cut you off by breaking the embrace so he could take a look at your face.
“Really? You mean that?” His breath felt hot against your cheeks.
“Well… yeah, is that weird?”
“No… I feel the same.” His blue eyes were piercing into yours before they trailed down to your lips. “Hey… can I try something?” He murmured, still focused on your mouth.
“What is it?”
He gripped your waist tighter and pulled you in for a kiss. It was short. Sweet. And he quickly pulled back, mumbling an apology under his breath.
You stood still, with your heart thumping against your rib cage. It was a new feeling for you, one that you had never experienced before. You were quite the introvert after all, your illness often scary to people who didn’t try to see past your diagnostic. Yet Dabi stayed and didn’t seem to mind when you were lost in your thoughts or felt apathetic.
“Can you do that again?” you asked, wanting to explore the warmth of his lips against yours one more time.
Surprised but determined not to let you down, Dabi pressed his lips on yours, this time, longer and seeking you out with his tongue. He groaned when you allowed him in and your breaths became ragged as you pulled at each other, desperate to get as close as possible.
It felt like minutes passed, before you had to break the kiss, leaving you both out of breath.
As if on cue, the alarm buzzed again alerting you to take your medicine in case you missed the first reminder.
You looked at Dabi with flushed cheeks and turned around grabbing the pills and a water bottle. This time, he didn’t stop you, instead he kept his hold on you instead as you gulped down the medicine and you remained in this tight embrace together until you slowly felt his touch fade and his features becoming undistinctive.
“See you soon.” He whispered before letting you fall into slumber, a side effect you had always loathed.
The next day, Dabi didn’t show up, and you hated the fact that he wasn’t there to accompany you to your monthly check up with your doctor. You’ve always hated that place and his presence never failed to soothe you.
You waited your turn patiently until your name was called and you were seated in the small office.
“How have you been doing (Y/N)?” he said with a smile.
“Pretty good. Normal.” You kept it short and sweet. The only person you could actually hold conversations with wasn’t present so you didn’t feel the need to put in extra effort.
“Alright, I was looking at the progress you’ve made so far and I was thinking it was time to switch up the medicine.”
“What? Why?”
“Well new ones with better results came out and I’m confident that when we find the right dosage you won’t even have those occasional hallucinations anymore.” He placed his hands on the desk, intertwining his fingers together. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”.
“You mean… I won’t be able to see or hear anything at all?”
The doctor nodded. You gulped down as you tried to process your thoughts. On one hand the hope of a normal life and on the other risking losing Dabi.
“I… I don’t know…” you murmured, fiddling with the hem of your skirt. “It already took so long to get it right with the ones I’m taking now and on top of that I manage everything pretty well.”
“Thing is, we’ll have to switch it up anyways, as they are discontinuing your current ones. I thought it would be best to start early, just in case.”
Your eyes widened and you felt your chest suddenly feeling very tight.
“I see.” You whispered, barely audibly.
Satisfied with your answer, the old man wrote down your prescription before telling you to start taking them today and sent you on your way.
The ball of sadness in your throat was hard to swallow but you hurried home nonetheless as you stared at the small box of pills in your hand. Hopefully, Dabi would be waiting for you and make you feel better.
His face lit up when you entered the room and he was quick to pull you in a tight embrace. After explaining him everything, you both silently stared down at the bottle, resting on your bed.
The atmosphere felt heavy and you tried to say something to alleviate it.
“It might not work you know… I mean not only does it take time to take effect but…” Dabi didn’t let you finish.
“You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
“Why do I sense that you’re angry at me?” you tried to meet his gaze, but he avoided it. “Dabi?” you called out softly, your hand reaching out to grab his face and directed it towards you, only to be met with sad blue eyes.
As much as you tried to keep it together, seeing him like that made your heart throb and you couldn’t stop a tear from falling down your cheek. Before he could say anything, you pulled his face onto yours and kissed him.
You tried to think of a way to deal with this. To deal with the pain, with the fact that you may never see him again if you swallowed those pills. Yet everything felt so real, his touches, kisses, even the warmth his body was emitting, all of it made it seem as though something as tangible as this, couldn’t just disappear that easily.
You tried to catch your breath before yet again feeling the buzzing in your pocket. It was time. You looked at Dabi and smiled. “It’s going to be okay, right?”.
He tried to reciprocate your positive attitude, without being really convincing.
“I just want you to know…” he started, as you were about to pop it in your mouth. “I love you (Y/N).”
You smiled, swallowed the pill and pulled him into your arms, kissing him. “I love you too Dabi.”
You managed to see Dabi for the next few days after starting your new treatment. The doctor did say that it would take a lot of time before getting fully adjusted and that, you will always have traces of the illness from certain triggers. But it would be a lot less than what you were dealing with right now.
He wasn’t lying. It had been a week since you last saw Dabi. The longest you spent without being with him must have been three days at most. Honestly you had no idea what life was like without him being around and it made the hole in your chest feel that more hollow.
After 2 weeks the pain didn’t dissipate.
After a month you started feeling numb.
And when the 2 months mark passed, you thought you were on the brink of insanity. You couldn’t take it anymore. It was almost as if, the features of his face were disappearing from your mind and the only thing you were never letting out of your hands, was the notebook with the little sketch you made of him. It felt like the only trace you had left of his existence.
At night you traced your lips with your fingers, recalling his soft touches and the way it felt when you kissed. That day when the alarm buzzed, you didn’t pick up your phone and just turned it off instead.
You repeated the same process the next day, and the next. It took more time than you thought it would before starting to feel the effects of your illness slowly creeping back to you.
It started with the soft whispers that didn’t make any sense and jumbled thoughts that made you sound completely illogical when you spoke.
But then it finally paid off. As you opened the door to your room the next day, you were immediately engulfed in a hug before you even laid eyes on him.
“God, I missed you so much.” He whispered, unable to let you go.
You trembled in his arms, emotion choking you up a bit as you took it all in. He was really there, with you. You took a deep breath as you swallowed his calming scent.
“I missed you too.”
He broke the embrace only to grab your face and kiss you passionately. Only when he calmed down a little, did he notice the dark circles under your eyes.
“What’s wrong? You seem tired.”
“It’s because I am.” You rubbed your eyes before continuing. “But it feels so worth it right now.” You said as you leant down in his arms.
He pulled you in tightly, making sure he kept a constant touch on your body, as though you were the one who was going to fade away if he didn’t keep you close.
The making out soon turned into light touches along your figure, grabbing and grasping at each other’s body. You felt a bump on your stomach as he pulled you into him and gasped at the sudden pressure. With his head pressed against your neck Dabi whispered in your ear.
“I’m sorry, just… ignore it.”
You pulled back slightly to look at him.
“What if I don’t want to?”
He looked at you with fire burning in his eyes.
“Are you sure?”
It only took a nod from you before he started tugging at your shirt, pulling it off of you and removing your bra. He just stared down at you, taking in your gorgeous curves and supple breasts.
“You’re so pretty.” He whispers before leaning down and planting soft kisses on your chest. “I love you so much.” His tongue rolled against your nipples, making you whimper under his touch.
“Dabi…” you gasped grabbing at his shirt. “Take it off.”
He seemed hesitant but did as you asked. More scars were now revealed and you watched as it enveloped different parts of his body. You sat up and traced your fingers over them, placing kisses on each before reaching his lips. He groaned in your mouth and started undoing his pants, before you stopped him.
“Let me do it, please.” You settled yourself between his legs and Dabi watched as you un-skillfully explored a new territory. He moaned as he felt your tongue lapping his tip and slowly taking him in. He let himself rest against the pillow as you tried your best to make him feel good. He grabbed your hair and pushed it up and down to the pace that felt best and pulled out as he realized he needed more. He pushed you back onto the comforter and spread your legs, grazing a finger against your clothed pussy.
You lifted your hips as he pulled every last piece of clothing off and took a minute to admire you, sprawled on the bed and slightly disheveled.
He leaned down on you and proceeded to kiss you as one of his hands travelled down to your clit, rubbing tight circles against the bundle of nerves. You gasped and whimpered underneath him.
“You’re so wet already.” He stated as a finger pressed against your entrance. Your breathing became uneven as he slowly added a second one and rubbed your insides in a come here motion.
“Fuck it feels good.” You looked at him, tears of pleasure pooling up in your eyes.
You felt your release coming but you forced him out of you. When you read confusion on his face you just grabbed his erection and lined it with your hole. “I wanna cum with you.” You whispered.
The sight was almost too much for Dabi to bear, and he carefully eased into you until you were full of him. He stayed there to let you adjust and planted kisses on your forehead until you told him to keep going, wrapping your legs around his waist.
“God, you turn me on so much.” He threw his head back as he placed gentle thrusts pulling muffled moans out of your mouth. If it wasn’t for his rhythmic panting you would have thought he was in pain as you watched a bead of sweat roll down his temple.
The pain had since dissipated into pleasure but you could tell he was holding back for your sake.
“Dabi...” you muttered between thrusts. “Ah- faster, p-please.”
He grunted and finally let himself go wild, grabbing your legs to throw them over his shoulders as he picked up the pace.
You grabbed at the sheets around your head as you arched your body for him to take.
“You feel so fucking good (Y/N), I’m getting close- fuck”
You felt your own orgasm coming down as well and just pulled him in for a kiss as you encouraged him to keep on going. His jagged breathing became more irregular and as you clenched around him, lost in pleasure, you felt warmth filling you up as you tightened your grip around his neck and moaned his name in his mouth.
As you both came down from your high, you started dozing off in his arms, way too spent to move. Dabi watched you sleep and when your phone buzzed he turned off the alarm, before taking your pills and popping one in his mouth along with some water and bent down to let it slip down your throat. He watched as you swallowed and stayed by your side for as long as he could as he murmured sweet nothings in your ear.
The next morning you woke up feeling rested for the first time in a while. You were clothed and lying on bed as though last night was just a dream. You had a bad feeling. You reached into your nightstand and grabbed the bottle of pills, carefully counting them. Only then did you notice your sketch book, open at the worn-out page of his face and the scribble written down next to it.
“I love you, and always will be watching over you.” – Dabi.
Tears rolled down your cheeks as you felt your heart shatter and the world around you crumble down. After spending most of your life with him, he was gone and the weight of his absence felt heavy on your chest.
One year later
You watched your reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to keep the ball of stress in your stomach down. After finally landing the job you’ve wanted for a long time, it was time for you to meet your boss and you didn’t want his first impression of you to be one where you ended up throwing up all over the place. After checking one last time that you looked somewhat decent, you stepped out and walked over to his office.
“Come in.” He said loudly after he heard you knock.
You opened the door and as you saw his face, your breath got caught in your lungs. Piercing blue eyes stared at you. You could tell it wasn’t a hallucination for two reasons. First you hadn’t had one in months. Second because although the resemblance was uncanny, the man in front of you didn’t have any scars, his eyes didn’t look tired and gloomy and his hair was almost as white as snow.
“Pleasure to meet you (Y/N), my name is Touya. Please take a seat.” He said with a warm smile as you kept staring at him, dumbfounded.
“It’s nice to finally meet you Sir.” You extended your hand and as he shook it gently, you knew deep down that this felt too real to be true.