Work Text:
“Ducks are the most evil creatures, you know.”
They were sitting in the lounge of Aziraphale’s flat above the shop on a Tuesday night, just having come in from dinner, enjoying a bottle of wine or two and some conversation before they retired to bed together. They’d shared three bottles of wine at dinner, and were both pleasantly sozzled. Aziraphale’s cheeks were ruddy and Crowley felt a bit floaty. Perhaps that was why the thought had popped into Crowley’s head about the ducks, and he was just drunk enough not to be able to stop it from coming out of his mouth.
Aziraphale looked amused. “Come again?”
“I said, ‘ducks are the most evil creatures’.”
The angel laughed. “Come off it, dear. They are not.”
“They are, too,” Crowley insisted. “There are ducks and geese and shit all over hell, biting and snapping and hissing at people.”
“I’ve never seen a duck hiss.”
“Well, you just haven’t spent enough time in hell.”
“I’ll pass, thank you,” Aziraphale said primly.
Crowley felt stupid for a moment, but brushed it off with a wave of his hand. “But seriously, ducks are evil.”
Aziraphale took a drink of his wine. “I’d imagine the humans would say differently.”
“Not all humans. You ask a Canadian what the most evil creature is, and they’ll tell you geese. Ask someone who keeps swans, and they’ll tell you it’s the swans.”
“Those aren’t ducks,” Aziraphale pointed out.
“Yeah, but they’re waterfowl. Same thing.”
“We’ve fed the ducks. For centuries.”
“Yeah, and haven’t they ever bitten you? They’re evil, I’m telling you.”
Aziraphale chuckled and leaned forward to pour another glass. “You’re so silly, dear.”
“I’m not,” Crowley insisted. “And I can prove it.”
“Prove that you’re not silly?”
“No, that ducks are evil.”
“You can not,” Aziraphale scoffed.
Crowley took this as a challenge. “Alright, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll prove that ducks are evil, or give up a month of sex if I’m wrong.”
Aziraphale threw his head back and laughed outright at that. “Oh, come now, darling. You couldn’t even last a week, much less a month.”
“I could too!” Crowley squawked, indignant.
Aziraphale just snickered into his wine.
Crowley huffed. “Angel, I went literal centuries without sex. And I went without sex with you for six millenia, until two years ago.”
“Yes, that’s true. But since that time, you haven’t gone more than forty-eight hours without sex.”
“But I could,” Crowley asserted, sulking a little that Aziraphale didn’t believe him.
Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Crowley, I’m quite sure that if I applied myself, I could tempt you into sex within an hour. Have you begging for it, even.”
Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You think you’re so tempting?”
“I know I am,” Aziraphale said serenely, taking another sip of his wine.
“Are all angels this cocky?”
“I’m not cocky, I’m just very familiar with you, and I know my own strength, when it comes to you. And your strength when it comes to me.”
“I think you’re underestimating me. Or overestimating yourself. Whatever.”
“Would you care to make a wager?” Aziraphale asked with his own eyebrow cocked.
Crowley considered him. “Yeah, alright. What are you proposing?”
“I bet that I can tempt you into sex tonight, within the next hour. Sixty minutes.”
“And I bet you can’t do it,” Crowley countered.
“Very well,” Aziraphale said with a small smile. “What’s the wager?”
Crowley thought for a moment, his face screwed up in thought. “Let’s see… If I win, you have to wash the Bentley. By hand. In whatever I tell you to wear. No miracles.”
Aziraphale looked wicked. “Alright. And if I win - when I win - you have to shelve books in the shop for me wearing whatever I tell you to wear.”
“Agreed,” Crowley said. “But you can’t get naked, and you can’t touch me.”
“Fair enough,” Aziraphale replied, then offered his hand. “Shall we shake on it?”
Crowley took his hand and shook it, then sat back in his seat. “Right. Time to sober up,” he said, draining his glass of wine.
“Whyever would you do that?”
“Because my inhibitions are lowered when I’ve been drinking, and you know it. I’m more susceptible. Besides, you know I’m a randy drunk.”
“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale said, eyes mischievous. “Well, if you’re doing it, I suppose I better had, too. It’ll be best to be clear headed.”
They both closed their eyes and grunted, straining, and Crowley felt the alcohol leave his system a bit at a time. When he was done, he opened his eyes and smacked his mouth against the unpleasant taste. Aziraphale was doing the same, then they smiled at each other.
“One hour, right? So I have to hold out until…” he glanced at the clock. “11:15?”
Aziraphale grinned evilly. “My darling, it won’t take me half that time.”
Crowley grinned back, cocksure of himself. “You remember the rules?”
“Yes, I can’t get naked or touch you.”
“Right.”
“Very well.”
“Alright then, let’s begin. Time starts… now.”
Aziraphale looked him over for a moment, as if sizing him up, then pulled off his jacket. “It's hot in here, don’t you think?”
“Oi!” Crowley yelled. “You just agreed to stay dressed!”
“No, I agreed not to get naked,” Aziraphale replied coolly, with a bastardly little smile on his face. “I’m just getting a bit more comfortable.”
“Utter bastard,” Crowley muttered.
Aziraphale just grinned and lay his coat to the side, then turned back to Crowley. “Do you know what I’m thinking of, dear?”
“What’s that?” Crowley asked, crossing his legs, appearing unconcerned.
“I’m thinking of the sex we’re going to have soon, and I’m wondering about which sex acts we should perform on one another.”
“Well, you can speculate all you want, but you won’t be experiencing any sex acts for the next fifty-five minutes,” Crowley said confidently.
“We’ll see,” Aziraphale said, eyes twinkling. “I admit, I am hoping you will hold out a little while, though, dear. Long enough to get you really riled up, so to speak.”
Crowley had no doubt that he’d be sufficiently riled by the end of the next fifty-three minutes.
Aziraphale’s eyes glinted. “Goodness, it’s stuffy in here,” he said in a completely false tone. “I think I’m a bit overdressed for it to be as warm as it is.”
While Crowley watched, Aziraphale reached up and unbuttoned the right sleeve of his shirt, rolling it up to the elbow, revealing his forearm slowly. The bastard. Aziraphale knew how much Crowley loved his forearms. He felt the blood flow redirect to his cock and willed it to behave. Outwardly, though, he just smiled casually.
“I know what you’re doing, but it’s not going to work,” he said, not sure if he believed himself.
Aziraphale looked innocent as he went to work on his left sleeve. “Oh? It won’t?”
“Nuh-uh. I have more willpower than you think.”
“We’ll see,” Aziraphale said easily, then picked up his glass of wine to take a sip, his eyes on Crowley. When he lowered the glass, he left a little drop of liquid on his lip and Crowley couldn’t help but stare at it. Then Aziraphale darted his pink tongue out to lick it up, and Crowley bit the inside of his cheek.
“I guess I need to decide what I’ll have you wear - or not wear - to shelve the books, shouldn’t I?”
“I wouldn’t jump the gun, angel.”
“I’m not, just speculating,” Aziraphale said casually. “I think I might like you in a suit, a proper suit. Like the one you wore in 1941. Remember that?”
“Very clearly.”
“I wanted to tear that suit off of you piece by piece with my teeth,” Aziraphale said, his voice like dark chocolate. “It was all I could think about for the longest time. I can’t tell you how often I touched myself, thinking of you in that suit.”
Crowley was definitely getting hard now, thinking of Aziraphale masturbating, and adjusted himself a little to make room for his cock. Aziraphale saw him and grinned wickedly.
“I suppose we’re not going anywhere tonight,” Aziraphale said, falsely innocent. “So there’s no need for me to be so done up.”
He reached up and tugged his bowtie, letting it unfurl, and Crowley watched with wide eyes. Aziraphale smirked when he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt very slowly.
“There. Now I’m more comfortable. How are you dear?”
“Fine,” Crowley squawked a little, then cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”
Aziraphale glanced at the clock. “Only forty-six minutes to go,” he said with another smirk.
“I can make it,” Crowley replied, although he was doubting himself.
“No, you can’t,” Aziraphale scoffed lightly. “But I do so love watching you try.”
Crowley cleared his throat again. “Yes, well,” he said, unsure of what else to say. His brain wasn’t currently working properly.
“You know, I think the zoot suit might be a bit much. Perhaps I'll have you dress in some of the garments we wore in Rome. Remember the tunics?”
Crowley squirmed. “I do.”
“I especially liked the short ones, where I could see your legs. I love your legs.”
“But I have scrawny legs and knobby knees,” Crowley said, trying to turn his thoughts into something unsexy.
“Oh, you do not,” Aziraphale said with a mix of impatience and amusement. “Your legs are quite sexy. I very much like when they’re wrapped around me. Particularly my head.” He paused and seemed to be thinking. “Although, there’s definitely strength there, since you use them to hold me up and fuck me so often.”
Crowley had sweat glistening on his forehead now, his cock throbbing against the denim of his trousers, and he seriously considered praying for the next forty-one minutes to fly by.
“Do you know the best things about the Roman tunics, though?” Aziraphale asked.
“What’s that?” Crowley asked, hoping to sound unconcerned, but sure he wasn’t pulling it off.
“They provided easy access. I could very easily suck you off. All I’d have to do would be to pull up the front of the tunic and expose your cock, then I could suck to my heart’s content.”
Crowley whimpered, he couldn’t help it.
Aziraphale grinned evilly, then looked at the clock. “Thirty-seven minutes left. How are you holding up, dear?”
“I’m tickety boo,” Crowley said, his voice strained. “Never been better.”
“Would you like some refreshments? I’m a bit peckish.”
“Whatever you want, angel.”
“Very good. I’ll be right back,” he said, then got to his feet, walking to the kitchen, swaying his bottom. Crowley watched with hungry eyes, then let out a huge breath when he was gone. Fuck. He wasn’t sure he could do this. He’d been confident, but that confidence was fading fast. He spent the next couple of minutes steeling himself, having a stern talk with his cock.
Aziraphale came back a couple of minutes later with a plate full of pastry - cream puffs. Crowley eyed him warily, but lost his breath when Aziraphale got in front of him, then turned around towards the coffee table, bending over and putting his arse directly in Crowley’s face. Crowley bit his lip, wanting to bite that arse, and clenched his hands on his thighs to keep from reaching from him. Fuck, he was actually salivating. He wanted to reach out and touch so bad…
After an eternity, Aziraphale straightened, then resumed his seat next to Crowley. Crowley took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, but all the blood that should have been operating his brain was currently pulsing in his cock.
“Congratulations, Crowley,” Aziraphale said. “You made it halfway.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to forfeit? I’m quite eager to fuck, if you must know.”
Crowley had never wanted to do something so badly in his life, but he knew that if he forfeited, he’d never hear the end of it. Aziraphale would be unbearable for the next thousand years. So he said nothing.
“I’m not sure where I’d like to fuck, to be honest,” Aziraphale said conversationally. “There’s something to be said for hard and needy on the couch, but I do so love when you lay me out on our bed and we take our time.”
Crowley’s heart was pounding and his eyes were wild. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. He looked at the clock desperately - twenty-four minutes. Fuck. He wasn’t going to make it.
“Hmm. Perhaps I should let you decide, dear, since you’re being so good. Tell me, would you like to fuck me tonight, or would you like me to fuck you? I’ll do whatever you want.”
“I’ll fuck you any way you want me to,” Crowley promised. “But not for another twenty-one minutes.”
Aziraphale grinned. “Is that so?”
“Yeah,” Crowley said, “That’s so. I can last,” he lied, like a liar.
“Well, then, I’ll just have to step up my game,” Aziraphale said, then reached to the plate of cream puffs and picked one up with two fingers. Crowley watched, helpless, as he brought the pastry to his mouth and took a slow bite. The angel closed his eyes and moaned as he bit it, and Crowley whined low in his throat, watching him. When he pulled the treat away, he’d left a dollop of cream on his lip, and Crowley wanted to lick it up, to taste it.
Aziraphale smiled at him. “Oh, dear, I’ve made a mess,” he said, then used his finger to wipe the cream off his lip. With smoldering eyes glued to Crowley’s, he opened his mouth and stuck the finger in, closing it and sucking the cream off, closing his eyes and moaning in pleasure.
Crowley broke. He dove across the couch, almost frantic to get to Aziraphale, planting his mouth to his love’s. He did his level best to touch Aziraphale everywhere at once, and Aziraphale smiled into the kiss, breaking it.
“My darling, we still have seventeen minutes left.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Crowley said, then sucked on his neck.
He could hear the smile in Aziraphale’s voice. “Oh, my love, we couldn’t possibly. You were being so strong…”
Crowley ignored him and kissed his way to Aziraphale’s ear, putting his mouth on his earlobe and nibbling, then sucking.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t go back to what we were doing?” Aziraphale asked.
“Oh for fucks sake, angel!!” Crowley burst out, frustrated beyond belief.
Aziraphale grinned mischievously. “Well, if you insist…”
“You bastard,” Crowley groaned, before he captured his mouth in a ferocious kiss. Aziraphale was touching him, his hands gripping and sliding all over his body, and Crowley had one hand on Aziraphale’s cock and the other on the buttons of his shirt. When Aziraphale reached for his cock, Crowley whined into the kiss and rolled his hips into the angel's hand. Aziraphale smiled and caressed him.
Aziraphale released his cock to grab his thigh and started to pull, and Crowley followed the pressure of his hand to clamber over his lap, so he was straddling him, never breaking the kiss. Once he was there, Aziraphale started massaging and gripping his bum, and Crowley just clung to him, almost overwhelmed.
They were out of breath when the kiss broke, and Aziraphale looked up at Crowley with wide eyes. “What do you want, darling?”
“Hnngh,” Crowley said, writhing on his lap. “I don’t know. I just want you.”
“You can have me. I’ll do anything you want, dearest. Just tell me.”
Crowley’s mind was a jumble. “I can’t decide,” he confessed after a while. “Just tell me what to do to please you. You won, didn’t you?”
Aziraphale kissed his neck, leaving a mark along his collarbone. “Very well. I think the first thing I want to do is get you naked.”
Crowley raised his hand and snapped, leaving both of them without clothes. As soon as it was free, he reached between them and grabbed Aziraphale’s fat cock, pumping it slowly. “I’m naked. Now what?”
“Hold on to me, dear,” Aziraphale said, and that was the only warning he got before Aziraphale got to his feet, hands on Crowley’s bum. Crowley wrapped his legs around Aziraphale’s waist and his arms around his neck and kissed Aziraphale deeply, hungrily, as he carried him to the bedroom.
Once they were there, Aziraphale playfully tossed Crowley onto the bed, making him laugh and bounce. Aziraphale stood beside the bed, grinning down at him, cock in hand, with a wicked look in his eyes. Then, quick as a flash, he fell forward and propped himself over Crowley, kissing him. Crowley clung to him, trying to pull him down so their bodies were flush, but Aziraphale resisted.
The angel broke the kiss again. “My darling, you were so good for me. I’m so proud of you. You held out for a long time. Now I'd like to take care of you. Will you let me?”
Crowley nodded, wide-eyed. “Yeah.”
“Good. You just lay there for me, like a good boy. Won’t you?”
He shivered. “Anything you want, angel.”
“Very good,” Aziraphale said, then kissed Crowley’s cheek. He trailed kisses down his neck, his collarbone, then around his chest and below, while Crowley strained to watch. Fuck, Aziraphale’s mouth was going lower, until he felt hot breath on the head of his cock.
Aziraphale was looking at Crowley’s cock as if he’d never seen anything more gorgeous. He wrapped his hand around it, stroking it lightly, and spoke, his eyes never leaving it.
“How lovely you are, darling. How beautiful. I do so love your cock. I love all of you, of course, but I have to admit your cock is one of my favorite parts.”
“Angel,” Crowley whined, not sure what he was whining for.
Aziraphale finally looked at him, the blue eyes smoldering, and with an almost evil look, he darted out his tongue to the tip of Crowley’s cock, to lick up the little drop of moisture there. When he tasted it, he closed his eyes and let out a filthy moan, and Crowley had never heard anything better.
“That's scrummy,” he said in a low voice, and Crowley thought he’d explode.
“Angel, please…”
“Very well, my dear,” he said, then engulfed Crowley’s cock in his mouth.
Crowley’s hips shot off the bed and his whole body tensed. He grabbed Aziraphale’s head with strong hands, but thankfully, Aziraphale didn't mind.
Aziraphale didn’t wait a moment before he established a quick rhythm that made Crowley’s toes curl. He was making obscene slurping noises and a terrible mess, but Crowley loved it.
Just when Crowley thought he was going to come, he pulled off. Crowley shouted, gripping Aziraphale’s head hard, and Aziraphale started kissing Crowley’s bollocks, working his way down, spreading Crowley’s legs. Crowley watched him intently until suddenly, Aziraphale was tonguing his hole.
“Fuck, angel. God. Feels so good. Fuck.”
Aziraphale didn’t answer, he was busy lashing his tongue around Crowley’s arsehole, making more of the sounds. Crowley tried to relax and enjoy it, but he felt so keyed up, like he was wound tight, just waiting to explode. He supposed in some ways he was.
Crowley felt a finger at his entrance and tried even harder to relax. Aziraphale continued eating of Crowley with gusto and eased his thick finger into Crowley’s arse, earning a broken groan from the demon. He threw his head back and begged for more.
“Angel… fuck. Fuck me. God. I want you so bad. Give me more.”
He felt the prsessure grow on his arsehole again and Aziraphale added another finger. Crowley clutched at his head harder.
“Do you like it, dear?”
“Fuck yes. God, I love it.”
“Good,” Aziraphale said then engulfed his cock again, sucking hard and fast, bobbing his head in the time with the motions of his fingers. Crowley was climbing fast, higher and higher, and his hands were like talons in Aziraphale’s hair, his eyes closed as he grunted and groaned.
“Ngk, angel. God. Oh, fuck. I’m getting close. gonna come. Shit! Gonna come for you.”
Aziraphale opened wider and took him deeper, until Crowley felt himself hit the back of the angel’s throat, and the tension in him exploded. He came and came, calling out to God and Aziraphale equally, while Aziraphale sucked him eagerly. Just when he thought he was going to die of pleasure, Aziraphale slowed down the motions of his hand and pulled off his cock. Crowley collapsed onto the bed, spent, out of breath.
He was still floating on a cloud of ecstasy, coming down slowly, when he felt Aziraphale start pressing kisses all the way up his body, climbing him. Crowley just gave a weak smile, and was still smiling when Aziraphale kissed him and lay down beside him.
“How was that for you, my love?”
“Angel, that was amazing.”
“Very good. I’m glad you liked it.”
They lay there for a moment, Aziraphale snuggled into his side, while Crowley caught his breath. Then he groaned and covered his eyes.
“What’s wrong, dear?”
“You won the bet. You’re going to be unbearable now.”
“Me?” Aziraphale said innocently. “Not me, never me.”
Crowley sighed. “I was wrong earlier.”
“Of course you were. That’s how I won.”
“No, I mean I was wrong about the most evil creature. It’s clearly you,” Crowley said.
Aziraphale gave a wiggle and a little chuckle. “And don’t you forget it.”