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“This isn’t about Lex!”
“This is about Jonn and Alex, and all of the other people who could have been killed today because they’re on my team...”
“Don’t you understand that?!”, Kara yells.
I respond with, “No I do…of course I do!” I try to implore with her.
All she can do is just look at me with more anger than I have ever seen the wonderfully sunny Kara Danvers ever direct at me, before replying with, “No you don’t…”
She continues on with, “You have NEVER understood what it means to share a secret identity with someone…how much danger that puts them in”… and before I get a chance to scream back, HOW COULD I IF I WAS NEVER GIVEN THE CHANCE TO?!
All of my surroundings seem to just freeze... All of the excess noise in my lab as well as Kara's angry rant just seem to stop. She seems to be frozen in time, frozen with that horrid look on her face and rigid body posture.
Before I could even begin to start wrapping my brain around what could potentially be going on, or even invoke any aspect of the scientific method for some type of testing I hear another voice in my lab…one that I don’t recognize ask, “Would you like to?”
At that disembodied voice I whip around, ready to confront whoever is there with us when I feel someone behind me say, “You really do have a lovely…lab…super cozy.” For the second time, I whip my head and body around so fast that I fear I may have given myself whiplash. Right in front of me there seems to be an impish looking man. Not much taller than me without some type of heel, dressed to the nines with a hair style that semi mimics horns. All in all, he does not seem threatening, but my distrustful Luthor brain still keeps me on my toes.
Without missing a beat, and semi automatically I respond with “Thanks…”
At that all he does is just give me a quick smile and respond with, “You are most welcome!”
Now that the formal nicety’s seem to be out of the way, my brain once again starts to function and I immediately question him with, “Who are you? How did you get into my lab?”
All he continues to do is just shoot that lazy smile at me and responds with, “Who I am isn’t important, you never answered MY question.”
His response certainly raising more red flags and questions than are being answered, but I feel compelled to humor him by saying, “Sorry what was your question?”
His smile just grows a little bit more and responds with, “Come now Lena, from what dear old Kara has told and shown me, you are supposed to be the smartest of the super friends." He does not say it with maliciousness, but at the mention of Kara my eyes cut to the side to see her still frozen in time, while almost simultaneously realizing two other things.
One, Kara, the most powerful person on this earth, seems to be unable to resist whatever this man has done to her. Two, said man is standing extremely close to her while she is frozen and unable to defend herself.
That second thought alone was enough to make my inner Luthor’s heckles rise with an unexpected need to somehow get his focus to remain on me so that I can buy her time to snap out of it, realizing all to quickly that if Supergirl can’t even fight whatever this man is, then I certainly have no hope. So, to buy her the time I’m assuming/hoping she needs I decide the best I can do is to keep him talking.
I start with a scoff by saying, “Thank you for the compliment, but you have the nerve and unsettling ability to break into my secured lab, do something to my vulnerable friend, and still assume that I am going to play nice and answer any question you pose to me. Your delusional.”
His smile grows even wider before he responds with, “AHA! Now THERE'S the Lena I’ve heard about! You’re finally starting to match the description of what Kara has told me about you!”
At the mere mention of Kara again I feel my hands clench unconsciously, and I school my features before I can show any other outward signs of just how nervous I am to be in this man’s proximity. A man who apparently has enough power to render earths greatest defender to a frozen shell of a person so effortlessly, I swallow down my trepidation and decide the best thing I can do is to keep him talking.
I respond with, “Why exactly would you have been talking about me with Kara?”
He responds with, “Oh well, as my once betrothed I would hope she would tell me all about those who are important to her.”
Now that right there…stops me in my tracks. Kara was engaged?! To THIS GUY?!
I feel in unexpected tinge of jealousy bubble up, just what had I missed throughout this last year?!
Without thinking, or caring really, to maintain my aloof composure I couldn’t stop myself from spitting out, “Engaged to YOU?! Just who the hell even are you?!”
He just looks at me in a blank almost hazed over expression before ignoring my question completely and instead turning is attention to Kara before addressing her frozen form and saying, “I seriously don’t understand how you all think of her as the smartest of you…” while following that comment up with bringing his hand to her face frozen, and still angry face to squeeze her cheeks together to make it appear as if she was speaking while he threw his voice and said, “Yeah it really is a mystery at this point.”
No. No no no. He can not do that, and before I can even stop myself, I lunge at the man and throw his hands away from her face before yelling, “DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!”
All he does is just chuckle and suddenly disappear, only to reappear right where I had just been previously standing.
I unconsciously move my body to stand perfectly in-between Kara and her would be potential attacker…fiancé…whatever the bloody hell he is. I than choose to address him again by saying, “Who are you, how did you get into my lab, and what do you want?”
All he fires back at me with is, “I’ll answer yours when you answer mine.”
I scoff, this man or whatever he is, is absolutely insufferable.
None the less I still swallow my automatically vitriol response by saying, “Fine. What was your question again?”
He spares another quip about my intelligence and instead just lets out an exasperated breath before saying, “Would you like to?”
“Would I like to…what?” I reply with.
Again, he lets out an even larger sign before saying, “Would you like to understand what it’s like to have to share a secret identity with someone?”
All I can do is blink slowly at that question before it suddenly clicks in my brain what exactly he is asking me. I become more confused as to how he could have been privy to Kara and my conversation before asking, “How did you know Kara had said that, wait…had you been listening?!”
He responds, with an unexpected response to being caught spying with an unadulterated, “Yep” with a hard pop of the P.
I cross my arms before responding with, “Do you always spy on your intendeds every day going abouts?”
“Only when it involves a situation where she or her friends would be hurt and need assistance while fighting literal God’s, and especially after her and I had spent an entire night going over both of your shared history only to be faced with how drastically you have altered her life trajectory with your more poorly thought out choices as of late.”
I know, I know there were several larger things to focus on and try to unpack from that statement, but all my dumb brain could focus on was that this man and Kara had spent an entire night together…and before I could stop myself, I said, “Yo…You and Kara spent the night together…?”
“…Really…that’s all you got out of that statement? I tell you that you have affected Karas very life trajectory, and that I am here to help them fight God’s and all you heard from that is that I spent the night with Kara?”
I blink and respond with, “So what? Are you just some kind of omnipotent God yourself, who is just here to help us fight Leviathan?”
“Really, I’m more of an Imp, but I do understand how my powers can come off as Godly to you all. Heck, it wouldn’t be the first-time people of this dimension revered me as a God…in fact I’m pretty sure they have written several books about the time I decided it would be cool to pop in and mingle with humanity for a while. No one, least of all me expected it to turn into some type of following...”
As he continues on with his word babble, I focus on the part of that statement of people of our…dimension? Was this man, or Imp rather, some sort of cross dimensional being?
Unconsciously, I take a step backwards, with the intent of brining me closer to Karas frozen form. If what this man is saying is true, then he could genuinely hurt Kara while she’s like this. I mean hell, he even made her like this. I quickly close my eyes and take a hard swallow to allow myself to compose slightly before asking. “Do you mean to hurt Kara or the others? Because if you do I…”
At this, his condescending smile seems to of vanished, and instead is replaced by a more sincere look before he responds with, “No, Lena. I don’t plan to harm Kara or any of the Super friends, if anything I am here to help them…to help YOU.”
I let out a relieved breath, before my eyebrows scrunch together in thought before responding with, “How exactly is you breaking into my lab and freezing our strongest player in the midst of an all-out war with titanic God’s who can control various elements helping me, or them?”
He sighed again, but this time more from what seems like exhaustion than annoyance before responding, “To be able to fully face what’s coming, and to be able to take down your brother, you need to fully understand where Kara is coming from, and why she had hid her secret for so long.”
I’m about to interrupt him with reiterating what I had moments ago said to Kara, that I do in fact understand, but as soon as I open my mouth to say just that, this man snaps his fingers and an overexaggerated piece of tape seems to come over my mouth, preventing me from saying anything. My eyes go wide with alarm, and indignance, all of which must be able to be seen expressed through my eyes because he quickly carries on by saying, “Sorry, you need to save your questions for the end.”
He again moves closer towards Kara and I before continuing, “You see I recently came back to this dimension to write my wrongs so to speak. Where I’m from is absolutely limitless with power, but even the greatest powers in the multiverse have a system to keep them in check.” He looks at me potently before continuing, “I had violated my dimensions rules too many times, and had my powers stripped from me, and could only gain them back if I had sought out all of those that I had wronged, and had performed actions to write said wrongs. You know…make amends, perform community service, that type of thing”. He comes closer and to my dismay reaches forward to touch Kara again, and before I even realize what I’m doing my left hand has intercepted his, and I grab his arm to stop it before it can even come to rest on Karas face.
While my mouth is still taped shut all I can do is cut a sharp glare at him in warning, again forgetting just how powerful this man must be.
To my surprise all he does is look at me with a small half smile before saying, “Kara was actually the last person in this dimension that I needed to make amends to. She immediately was untrusting of me, and banished me back to my dimension, but ultimately she had such a large problem that she couldn’t resist to take my up on my offer.”
Assuming that he is referring to my brother and Leviathan I shake my head in the affirmative to let him know I’m listening.
In an unsettling turn of events, it seems as if he can read my mind and reply’s with, “My offer was not to help her with Leviathan or your brother.” Before his eyes widen with what seems like mirth and says, “And no, I can’t read your mind. What I had helped Kara with was something quite personal. It was her situation with YOU.”
At that, my hand unconsciously releases his arm as I take a quick inhale in my nose from shock.
My reaction seems to invoke even more empathy from him because he somehow opens up his body language to clearly be perceived as less of threat, and his eyes seem to soften before saying, “Kara had chosen to take me up on my offer to go back in time to rewrite history, specifically the history between you two, in order to be able to tell you that she is Supergirl sooner.”
At this my eyes widen what I imagine is comically, and I can feel my hands start to shake a little bit as I take a half step away from this man and Karas frozen form. I had so many questions, and the person I most wanted to ask these questions too was unable to readily respond right now, and I couldn’t even voice them if I wanted to with this tape over my mouth.
He looks at me, almost gauging my reaction before saying, “Now, I’m sure you have a lot of questions. Most of which I am going to let Kara answer for you, because while I may be known as a trickster Imp who does enjoy, ‘Hot Tea’ as the kids of this dimension say, Kara helped me become a better version of myself. Meaning, that I am going to let her tell you about that little trip when SHE wants to.”
I can only nod my head while trying to wrap my brain around everything that has been said so far. Already feeling like I could use a drink…
He continues on with, “I am here today to offer you a similar opportunity that I offered her.” At the question in my eyes he continued, “To be able to go back through your history, with the knowledge that you have now of Karas identity, but instead of being able to change it, to merely stand within the memory as a bystander to observe various points in Kara and your timelines together to give you the feel of what it was, and has been like for the rest of the super friends this whole time.” He lets out a soft chuckle before explaining, “Trust me, the only reason I am not offering you the same opportunity that I had provided to her was because, in every single one of her points in time that she changed someone close always ended up dead.” I take in a quick gasp of air at that before he soldiers on by saying, “So in short. What I am offering you, Lena Luthor, is the chance to gain perspective as to why Kara withheld her secret for as long as she did, by acting as a bystander in your, and some of the other super friends own memories. I will only take you on this journey if you explicitly consent.”
He fixes his eyes to mine with a reverent look before snapping his fingers to have the tape around my mouth disappear before saying, “What do you say?”
I take a second to look at Kara, while thinking to myself before responding strongly with, “Yes.”
While I meant what I’ve been saying to Kara over the last few hours that realizing that I had made a mistake, and had indeed become a villain this whole time, and that after realizing that I truly wanted to help Kara and the others stop Leviathan and take Lex down; a large part of me still felt hurt at Kara, at Alex and Jonn and everyone really. So, if this higher dimensional being could, and is offering to help me see another view point that was driving them all, than what kind of scientist would I be if I didn’t take him up on the offer.
He holds out his hand and I reach forward with mine before quickly looking at Karas frozen form one final time before we suddenly disappear, only to have the entire environment change out from under me.
________________________________________________________
The very first thing that I had become aware of is that I was standing just outside my door at L Corp, directly facing my secretly Cadmus influenced assistant placed by my mother to spy on me’s desk as she just seemed to absentmindedly be playing on her phone. I immediately become enraged at the mere sight of the woman and move to hall of and slap and fire her again when I get pulled back by my hand, only to realize that the imp still had a hold of me.
Without meaning to come off, well rude, I yank my hand out of his, and before I can even begin to question him, I hear what sounds like a loud T.V. broadcast. I follow the Imp as he leisurely walks right into what I recognize as my office, and I make to follow him before stopping dead in my tracks when I look into the room and see a version of myself about four years prior right after I had just arrived in National City, watching my TV in my office holding a tumbler of scotch.
Before I could fully loose my mind, the Imp seems to of picked up on my brain melting before he snaps his finger to pause the memory, very much like he had done at the beginning of this whole crazy situation. He looks at me and says, “Why can I feel your brain overheating from here? I told you. We would be going back through your, and some other people’s memories to help you gain some empathy for Kara’s situation. To do that I am taking you back in time to where you can see and experience certain situations, but with the knowledge and perspective you have now.” Apparently, that was not enough for my scrambling brain because all I can muster is a broken, “what…?”
He then sighs and asks me the random question of, “Have you ever seen the movie the Christmas Carol?”
All I can do is nod my head.
“Okay so think of me as all of the Christmas ghosts…and you as Scrooge." He chuckles to himself before saying, "Which is more befitting now that I think of it”. That last bit he had said quietly to himself, but still loud enough to where he knew I could hear it.
As much as I want to offer an appropriate quip back from basically being compared to the villain of one of the oldest Christmas tales known worldwide, I simply shake my head in acknowledgement of this statement before asking, “Okay, but what is the point of this memory?”. At that he just looks and me before stating the obvious question of, “Do you recall this memory?”
To be honest, I really didn’t.
I’m not sure how many times throughout the years I have been in this exact position of taking a break from work to watch the news while enjoying a couple of fingers of scotch, so why…why was this moment significant?
Before I could think to say all of this to him, he had snapped his fingers again, and everything seemed to continue on forward without missing a beat. He turned his head to look on, and I had done the same.
In the memory I had reached over to pick up the T.V. remote from my desk to turn up the volume on the news cast I had been watching when it suddenly all clicked! This was the first time I had seen…
“We interrupt tonight’s news broadcast to provide an exclusive on what has just taken place on the Westborough bridge near midtown National City where Superman and Supergirl seem to be in a tough battle with a man who seems to be emitting a green beam from his chest! The two Supers seemed to be fending off the man, long enough to clear away the surrounding civilians before Supergirl had taken several hits to the chest with the green beam. We would like to warn you that what you are about to watch, may be hard to see. Supergirl has just taken several blasts and is now being cornered and targeted by the unknown man, and seems to be down…I repeat Supergirl seems to be down. Just as it looks like it could be too late for our heroine Superman has come to her rescue and has dispatched the man! Supergirl does not seem to be moving or responding to Superman’s attempts to wake her, and this news team is fearing for the worst. Superman was last seen picking up Supergirl and flying away. Supergirl’s condition is unknown at this time.”
As soon as the broadcast ends, I realize all at once that my mouth was open wide in shock or fear…I’m not able to disconcert as to which one specifically because at the same time I also realize that my hands are shaking. Shaking at the realization that I had basically just watch Kara get beaten down so viciously by the man I know now as the disgusting experiment of my mother, also known as Metallo…I get snapped out of my reverie as I suddenly see the past version of me scoff, and mute the T.V. as I go back behind my desk to continue to sip on my scotch and finish the days reports.
I look at myself disbelievingly, as I approach my desk…how could…I just…I just watched my best friend get so viciously beaten down on live T.V. and treated it as if it meant absolutely nothing…
As if reading my mind, I hear a voice interject with, “In all fairness”, the Imp started before approaching me, “At this time you didn’t really know Kara, or really even Supergirl. Your reaction at that time makes sense.”
Makes sense?! Yeah…I may not of know either versions of Kara that well at this moment but even still…Supergirl was the city’s, no really the worlds HERO. Already more times than I am sure to of realized…and my reaction to the story was as if it was normal and meant nothing! Watching the worlds hero be brutally attacked to what appeared as a near death state…meant less than finishing up the day’s reports. Before I could even begin to be even more disgusted by my actions, I felt a pressure on my right shoulder and heard another quick snap, and then suddenly we were in another memory.
This time, it doesn’t make me very long to orient myself. Although, this scene is far more chaotic! There is screaming, and a whirring noise above my head, followed by a cold blast. By the time I’m able to focus on just one thing I see Kar…Supergirl being smashed against some sort of T shaped metal as her feet and legs seem to be starting to be overrun by something…Nanites! I remember this! It’s when she was fighting the nanites that were being controlled by that despicable woman who was controlling… My eyes widen as I whip my head over to look at the person, I once loved above all others…,” Jack”, I find myself saying coincidentally at the exact moment my memory self-yells out his name in desperation.
I turn my head away from the scene to my right, and instead step closer to the scene on my left where the Imp had brought us too. Supergirl is struggling even further and has her arms being forcibly held by the nanites as they slowly climb higher up her body. She is clearly struggling…and I never noticed from where I was standing at the time, and for obvious other reasons, but the nanites had been burrowing into her as they climbed up towards her mouth to suffocate and fully integrate her to be another host. All I can do is watch as she tries her best not to cry out in pain, and it breaks my heart for a whole other reason besides knowing Jacks ultimate fate from this…
I hear myself yell this across the lab space, and unconsciously say it aloud myself quietly as the memory plays out, “I think I can override it”. Tears spring forth to my eyes, knowing that it isn’t a possibility, but surprisingly I realize I wasn’t about to cry because of Jack…I was about to cry because I don’t remember hearing Kara call my name quietly. Almost in such a way that she was trying to convey that it’s okay, I trust you, do what you need to do. I hadn’t had time in the lived timeline to really look at her face and observe her eyes. It was sadness, and acceptance. While her mouth was now being completely covered by the nanites, and as she was making horrible noises as if she was suffocating, she had quickly looked between Jacks focused gaze and my panicked as I kept trying to work out a way to save them both…
I walk closer to her struggling form, hoping to analyze her actions closer, only to realize it seemed as if she was trying to tell me to save Jack and not her! This realization shook me, and I had completely forgotten about the Imp’s presence before he had interjected his thoughts on the memory.
“She seems like she’s trying to say something to you…” he looks over to Jack and asks, “Who is this man?”
Still not being able to take my eyes off of Kara’s struggling form I quietly respond with, “He was the first person I ever genuinely loved. He had come to town to show off his new creation that we had worked on together but figured it was a non-starter. He had figured it out, and I had asked Kara to accompany me to his conference to help me deal with seeing him again after so long…We had started to catch up and it seemed as if we could have started up our relationship again.”
“Ah.” He replied with, “She must have known how much you cared for him, and was trying to tell you to save him and not her.”
I was left speechless at his comment, my immediate reaction was to want to scoff and point out that there’s no way she would let herself die for that but in my heart, I know that isn’t the truth. Kara loves her friends and family, and even the whole world above herself. She will do anything, and be anything for them. Even if that means dying so that I could save my love…
While I'm having my own internal realizations, the Imp seems to be having his own verbally, because he furrows his brows and continues his statement on with saying, "Kara is one of the few people in the universe that know the true loss of those that she loves. She's lost so many loved ones, be it blood or found family... She knew how much you cared about him, and seems like she didn't want you to have to make a choice to lose him just to save her.
That statement brings me out of my internal musings and makes me immediately think of Mon-El... I could only take in a quick breath at the realization that it wasn't just super girl who made that call to fill the atmosphere with lead. Kara, sweet selfless Kara, I made the decision to save the world and all of its people knowing that it would cost her another person that she loved...
All I can seem to do with this new realization is feel my lower lip tremble as I try to bite back tears thinking of my friends suffering.
The Imp just simply grabs my hand this time and snaps again.
This time, were in the DEO, and I’m standing in front of an extremely stressed and forlorn looking Kara in her cute GAP inspired civilian close. Before I can ask the Imp where we are, because I certainly don’t remember ever being present in this moment, he shushes me and points at Kara. Her phone suddenly rings, and she sighs as she looks at the caller I.D. and picks it up before saying, “Lena.” I listen closely and hear my own voice on the other side, “Kara, I’m glad I caught you. Can I ask your advice about something?”
I gasp, this is right after Rhea had come to me finally exposing herself as an alien! She had called me brilliant and said she wanted nothing more than continue the work her and I had started, and I remember feeling so confused and resistant to work with a woman who had lied to me about the pretenses of our research!
I scoff as I remember exactly how all of that had turned out, but was interrupted from my sulking at my own foolishness, when I see the look on Karas face. She looks…heartbroken. I see her exhale shakily before saying, “Uhm…now’s not a good time, I’m sorry. Can I call you back?” I hear myself say of course and pause to ask if she’s okay, before she just pauses and looks off to say, “I’ll call you back”.
I say out loud to the Imp, “I always wondered what had happened here to make her sound so…broken. But she never really went into detail…”
She looks down as if she is trying to focus on something and I see Jonn approach her from the side to ask what she was doing.
“Listening for her”, being her response, followed by, “…but I can’t hear anything. I can do all of these incredible things, but I can’t punch my way out of this or…fly fast enough and turn back time, and now I’m afraid I am going to lose the person that is the most important to me.” Jonn quickly interjects with, “To US Kara”.
The went on to say that Maggie had apparently lashed out at Kara, which honestly made me want to punch someone at the thought of anyone lashing out at her when she looked so sad…
I tune back into their private conversation when Jonn had mentioned that Kara had done what she had done to protect her sister…Alex…
I whip my head to my side to question the man beside me when all he could seem to focus on was Karas, heartbroken expression with a look of sadness in his own. I couldn’t feel any part of myself get jealous at what my brain is reading into as an intimate stare, because seeing her so broken was indeed a horrible feeling and sight to behold. Even still I ask, “Had something happened with Alex??”
He looks at me with his mouth formed in a firm line and snaps again, only to see Alex free floating in a chamber of water as if she had drowned…drowned…oh dear God no, NO! At seeing her just suspended in the water chamber…brought back all of the feelings and emotions that had been forcibly stuffed into the tiny boxes that surrounded the memory of my own mothers’ death by drowning.
Without even thinking I run up to the tank trying to pound on the glass to break it and save her but my hand just went right through…I could do nothing but watch as Karas older sister…and what felt like my pseudo-older sister float in her own watery coffin. Luckily, I hear sounds of quick paced footsteps come barging into the room, and someone yell Alex’s name before a blurred figure smashes into the container to break Alex free. I hold my breath as I see Maggie and Kara struggle for a moment to work on her, but ugly cry in relief when I see Alex finally cough and start to breathe again!
Once Alex is stable enough, I see Kara grab her, and Maggie and superspeed out of this…warehouse? I think we’re in and fly back to what I assume is the DEO. I’m left in the room with the Imp in silence before he says, “Alex had been taken…by a man who Alex and Kara had gone to school with back in Midvale. The man had figured out Karas identity as Supergirl, and had kidnapped Alex to blackmail Kara into freeing his father from prison. Alex urged Kara not to comply with the terrorist, and refused to help him, so he tried to kill her to make Supergirl suffer.”
I could only stand there in silence after the Imp had given me all of the information…
Karas words from earlier come back into my mind, “This is about Jonn and Alex, and all of the other people who could have been killed today because they’re on my team...Don’t you understand that?”
I only blink away the tears in my eyes, and take a deep breath as I realize that I really didn’t, but I’m starting to now.
The Imp, grabs my hand again and snaps.
_________________________________________________________
Only this time, as we were jumping to another memory, he had the points of the Daximite invasion play out in periodic spurts, but my eyes focused on one thing.
“Why is Supergirl fighting Superman?! Aren’t they family??”
The Imp sighs and briefly explains that Rhea had used silver kryptonite on Superman which had warped his mind to make him believe Kara was actually his greatest nemesis, with the intention that Superman was going to kill Kara. Kill or be killed…but with what you believed to be your last living relative at the time all for a woman who thought her son was too good for you. How horrible.
“But this is not the next memory that I had wanted to show you.”
We suddenly snap to a memory that I recognize almost immediately. Supergirl’s fight with Reign.
Like the first time I watch as they both crash onto the street, and proceed to beat the crap out of each other…Kara taking the majority of the damage. Though my company may be different this moment, I look up to see myself and James run onto the scene and hear him yell for people to stay back, nearly intime with Supergirl motioning for the surrounding people to stay back as well. I watch again, but from an entirely new perspective as Kara takes hit after hit, and watch as her body and suit become more and more broken down. Just as I see them disappear into the air after Reign shoots Kara in the chest with heat vision, my heart and stomach clench painfully at the thought of what is about to happen next. Before my memory self can know where to go, I have already taken off in the direction of where I know this fight is going to end.
I sprint as fast as my legs will take me, completely forgetting about the man beside me. Hoping that if I were to get there fast enough that I could somehow catch Kara as she falls. Which had I been thinking clearly, I would of known how stupid the idea could be because this was a memory…there’s nothing I could do to change this outcome…but watching it play out made no difference to my irrational hope to be able to help in some way.
I finally make it to the courtyard Supergirl…no Karas body lands in, only to see Reign dangling Karas body over the building’s ledge. I stop breathing for a second seeing just how limp Kara is in Reigns hold, and unconsciously scream as she suddenly just lets Kara go, to drop to her death as if she is some sort of meaningless toy, she got tired of playing with. I see her fall in what feels like slow motion but in reality, was mere seconds, until her body impacts the ground hard enough to make a large crater.
I don’t waste any time as a rush over to her side, and I can’t breathe as I see the extent of her injuries. I try to grab, or to hold, or to call out to Kara but all I can do is just sit next to her and watch her breathing get shallower and shallower as her face and limbs are covered in blood. I suddenly realize I’m no longer alone and that people have started to trickle in to observe the scene. Which only serves to enrage me! How can they do nothing but just stand there! This wasn’t just some car accident to rubber neck at! This was Supergirl’s dying body…Karas dying body! She was dying in front of these people and all they could do was stand there, while others had the nerve to RECORD this?! I look around disgusted, and I finally look over to see myself and James run onto the scene…but we too don’t do anything to help. I watch my past self just look on, and remain in place! How could I be no better than these horrible people!?
Finally! After what felt like hours, but was merely minuets, Alex and the DEO run on scene shoving people out of the way and telling them to get back as they make there way to Kara. I watch as Alex asses the situation, and I see the outright panic in her eyes, I look up to see James’s reaction basically mirroring Alex’s. Almost as if their world is ending, and then I look to my own face. While I clearly look concerned for the well being of our city’s hero…my face is missing that overwhelmingly scared and heartbroken look that Alex and James have.
I turn back to see Kara get placed on a gurney and whisked away to what I imagine is the DEO for treatment. Only when I see Kara disappear, and my own self and James walk away as the crowd dissipates to, I notice the Imp’s presence right next to me. I can’t even bring myself to look up or acknowledge him, because all that I seem to be able to focus on is the large patch of blood that has been left on the ground. Even knowing that Kara…Supergirl does eventually wake out of her coma, it still cannot erase this feeling of absolute heartbreak at watching someone that means the world to you basically be beaten to death that sits in my chest.
Ignorance really is bliss.
The Imp grabs my hand and snaps again.
This time, we snap to a quick memory of when Alex, Kara and myself had gone into Juru I believe she called it to try to reach Sam’s consciousness to find out where Reign is. It’s that point to where Sam as Reign had grabbed me by the throat and was holding me off the ground, strangling me. I never did know what had happened in this moment.
I hear myself gasping and I instinctually reach my hand up to touch my throat when I hear Karas desperate please of, “NO! Take me instead! Let her go!”.
I look over at her and she looks absolutely horrified, and desperate. I could see her getting ready to attack Sam/Reign to force her to let me go when suddenly my body disappears, as does Alexs and eventually Karas.
The Imp and I are the only ones left in this space once everyone leaves, and all I can focus on was how desperate Kara looked to want to save me. So much so that she was willing to give up herself in my place. I remember that time. I remember how much I started to HATE all that Supergirl was, because to me she was just a fallen idol. I had made a point to be as icy and hateful to her as I could, and yet she was still willing to trade herself for me.
Before I had a chance to ruminate too much on that thought I feel my hand being grabbed and hear a snap.
_________________________________________________________
This time we land in what looks like an abandoned lab, where it looks like a battle had just concluded. I immediately let go of his hand and walk around, and just as I’m about to ask him why or really when and where we are, because this is again one of the memories that I don’t remember or know about I hear what sounds like voices ahead of me.
I quickly run down the hallway, trying to be as covert as possible, completely forgetting that there is no need for it as this is a memory. No logic matters at this moment because as I get closer to the sound, I hear a familiar voice…or voices? One sounds tired, while the other sounds overly confident in its superiority.
I get closer and hear, “We’re not that different than them”. I hear a muffled response, but disregard it as I rush forward even more because my brain has put together who’s voice, I hear!
I come up the opening of what looks like a make shift hospital surgical room that is far less sterile, that is being bathed in red light. What’s more concerning is that I see Kara in a hospital gown strapped to a bed, while what looks like…is that ANOTHER Kara in a black and red suite pacing in front of her.
Two Karas?? None of this is making any sense…
Just as my brain is threatening to fully break it tunes back into their conversation enough for me to hear the Kara strapped to the bed say, “I’m not like you, I don’t think I’m better than everyone else…” my eyes blink rapidly at the realization that the Kara strapped to the bed is MY Kara…that statement alone confirms it for me.
Still being extremely confused as to why there is two Karas, why my Kara is strapped to a bed in surgical dress, why my Kara seems to not be well, I hear the other Kara say, “You should. You are. You are a God to them. You could have been living like one. They want someone to bow too. To worship, to lead”.
Before I can fully comprehend what, the other Kara could mean, my Kara cuts in with, “What your doing isn’t leading…its ruling”. I then watch as she attempts to struggle and fight her way out of the binds that have confined her to the bed. My eyebrows crinkle together as I ponder as to why she isn’t able to just break free from them as they shouldn’t be giving her any issue…the red light. It suddenly clicks. I whip my head to the Imp near the opening of the lab and confirm my theory by asking, “She can’t break free…is this light somehow mimicking a red son??”
All he does is nod slowly in the affirmative, and before I can ask more follow up questions, I tune back into the two Karas conversation. The imposter Kara laughing and saying, “Their like ants, Kara.” To which my Kara swallows a strained cough and says resolutely that, “They shouldn’t fear us for what we can do! They should rely on us when they need us!”
Now if that statement isn’t the embodiment of the Kara I have come to know and lov…look up to.
The imposter Kara then scoffs and walks to the other side of the bed before telling my Kara to spare her the good Samaritan crap.
My Kara than follows that up by saying, “I’m not going to take advantage of everyone just because I can.”
Imposter Kara again scoffing before saying, “The world is made better by getting rid of the week.” She then approaches my Kara on the bed and I feel myself automatically tense in anticipation of what could possibly happen next. Only to feel such a quick burst of rage and indignation on my Karas half when this imposter says,” You really are pathetic. I saw you at that wedding, by yourself. Poor lonely little Kara…can’t even find a date to a wedding”.
At that my eyebrows crease together again. A wedding…could she be talking about Karas friend’s wedding that she had gone to a couple of years ago?? I remember Kara had come to me to ask her to take in her mail and look after her plants as her and Alex had left town for the wedding.
I get snapped out of my thought as I see imposter Kara reach forward to grab my Karas face. My whole being immediately filling with rage at this woman’s audacity, as I reach out to bat the hand away. To my frustration it of course makes no difference, and instead my hand just goes right through imposter Karas arm. What I hear her say next honestly breaks my heart, “You spend so much time on YOUR planet taking care of everyone but yourself. No wonder you seem so…utterly miserable.”
Wait HER planet…what could she mean HER planet. Kara and Alex were just going to Star City for her friend’s wedding. I whip my head up again to look at the Imp and all he can think to offer me as an explanation is, “At this time the multiverse is real. Alex and Kara are on Earth 1 for a wedding. Nazis form Earth X invaded the wedding and split up all of the other earths heroes that were in attendance to leave them to die on Earth X so that they could kidnap OUR Kara to harvest her heart to give it to Earth X’s Karas as she was dying due to too much solar radiation.”
All of that really reaaaallllly should of broke my brain, and in all honesty I’m sure it will later as basically everything I had come to know and understand about physics was just shattered…none of that matters at this moment though because all I can focus on is that my Kara, my sweet, caring, selfless Kara, was helplessly strapped to a table under a red sun light that takes away her invulnerability, being taunted by the very deplorable woman who is gearing to kill my Kara to save herself.
It really helped my current mental state to realize that obviously something happens to save my Kara because she did eventually, ‘come back to town’ with Alex after the wedding, WITH her heart intact; knowing this does nothing to assuage the potent mixture of fear, anger and protective instincts for the helpless hero in front of me though.
I clench as the imposter leans even closer to my Kara before asking, “Why do you care if I take your heart? You’re not using it.”
To which my Kara looks her dead in the eye and says, “At least I have one”.
The burst of pride I have for my Karas resilience in the moment is short lived as I see the face of the impostor contort before she picks up her hand to slap my Kara!
I can feel and hear myself all but growl at the action, before my heart clenches at the imposter saying that they are almost ready. She then walks out, and I pay little mind to her because all of my focus is on my Kara strapped the bed who just breaths out, and whose face contorts to that of fear for what was to come.
I turn to the Imp and quickly approach him with the demand to show me what happens, and for him to explain why he is even showing me this particular memory…
He doesn’t respond and instead just grabs my hand and snaps.
We basically stay in the same location as we had just previously been, but only in this moment, both my Kara and the imposter and now on surgical beds. They are both unconscious, and I see a maniacal looking person with a scalpel leaning down to start the procedure to extract my Karas heart. I brace for the horrible scene, and relish in the thought of killing all present within the room for hurting my Kara, when all of a sudden, the lights go out. The surgeon, to my horror and relief, speeds away and out of the room, and as I wait to see what’s going to happen I hear a loud bank as two woman drop out from the ceiling to take out the armed guards!
I cheer in relief when they immediately rush over to unbind and take my Kara out of that room. I follow behind as they both are carrying Kara down the hallway to safety only to scream in horror and in attempted warning as the elevator, they were going to use to escape opens to reveal a genuine Metalo. He shoots a kryptonite blast and hits Kara directly in the chest, and I watch helplessly as she slides across the floor.
I hate the helpless feeling I have at watching my Kara get dragged back to imprisonment by the armed guards. I watch as the two woman who saved her get threatened to release a code to turn the power back on, I watch as the speedster surgeon is about to kill one of them when Kara come stumbling back into the make shift operating room telling them to stop. She quietly tells the blonde woman who is about to meet her end to tell them the code, who in turns reply’s by saying with a mixture of fear and defiance that if she does, they will kill you. Kara, as selfless as ever just simply reply’s with, “You came here for me, so just take me. Please don’t hurt anyone else. No one is going to die because of me.”
I’m reminded of my words to Kara or really Supergirl. Telling her that she has a God complex because she was threatened of humans leveling up to challenge her. I couldn’t have more disgusted knowing that at that point, I had once truly meant those words. That I had truly held so much ill will towards Supergirl, towards Kara that I knowingly supplied and made one of the few substances known to man that could weaken, or hurt or even kill her, under the guise of evening the playing field. Watching as two mere humans, one with enhanced speed, and the other with deadly marksman ship grab my Kara to strap her back down to that table to try and harvest her organs while she is now the one powerless…really makes me regret those words.
Before I can focus, and dive deeper into my self-hatred, I feel a familiar hand grab mine again accompanied with a snap.
_________________________________________________________
This time we are in a dark cave, with what looks like a miniature volcano in the center. The two of us are the only ones present and I just walk around looking at the surroundings.
The air feels thick, and oppressive with the heat of the lava guizer and before my brain can fully connect where the Imp may have taken us, I look up to see that the sun is very much eclipsed, and that the Super Friends, complete with some Legion members have all just arrived on scene along with all three world killers.
I hold my breath and move back to the side of the Imp as I watch the whole battle play out, I know ultimately that the Super Friends were successful…so I’m not entirely sure why he had brought us back here. Until...
Until I see Karas mother, Mon El, Jonn, and even Sam all get killed or severely maimed by Reigns final attack. I watch with bated breath as I watch them all get taken down one by one, until Reign eventually stops screaming her outrage as succumbs to her wounds in her weakened state and seems to disappear in the lava she was thrown into. I can’t even breath as I suddenly look at Kara, as she struggles to stand or even comprehend all that had just happened. Her breathing is quick as if she is on the verge of a panic attack before I see her grab Mon El’s Legion ring before touching her ear to speak with Alex and Winn. I hear her say something about having them find her a disruption so that she can…go back in time?! I hear Winn loudly state that the pressure it would take to reset time to get another shot at this battle could kill Kara, and all I can do is try not to scream at how this isn’t what was meant to, or what had actually happened!
I look in shock to the man next to me who just has a look of sad concentration on his face, as if staying put to watch Karas grief knowing we can’t intervene as she stands there amongst all of her dead loved ones is just as painful to him as it is to me.
Again, I’m reminded of Karas earlier words, “This is about Jonn and Alex, and all of the other people who could have been killed today because they’rebon my team.”.
Her words make sense now. The conviction, and hurt and anger I now notice from her voice and in her expression as she said those words to me. It was a statement with intentions not bred from simple anger, it came from tragedy and repeated loss.
My hand is once again grabbed, along with a snap ringing out.
_____________________________________________________
We are brought to a location that I recognize as Jonns house! Or really rather his home, and P.I. business that he had for a while during his period of do no harm after stepping down from the DEO.
I walk a bit further into the space and come face to face with a heartbroken Kara, a sobbing Alex and a resigned to his fate Jonn.
Before I can fully question what’s going on I hear Alex tearfully say, “Let me protect YOU this time.” At this I see Kara start to actually cry as Alex gives her a side hug. After telling her she loves her, Kara quickly leaves, and I’m left with just Alex and Jonn in the room. Jonn once again asks for Alexs consent, which she grants whole heartedly. Jonn then sighs and gives a large fatherly bear hug to Alex before placing his two fingers on Alex’s temple and his eyes start glowing red.
In confusion I look to the Imp for an explanation in which he just takes a deep breath before reveling that, the new director of the DEO Colonel Haley had intended to use a truth seeker on Alex and various members of the DEO to unearth Supergirl’s true identify so that they would be able to essentially black mail her with her life, and her loved ones to do their bidding. And that to counter act this, Alex along with various DEO agents had agreed to allow Jonn to use his powers to wipe away the knowledge of Karas identity as Supergirl to protect her, as well as their own families.
Not being sure how learning of just small amounts of Karas continued struggles and suffering could still surprise me, I find my mouth opening in shock. It all made sense! THAT’S why Alex had acted as if she didn’t know or couldn’t stand Supergirl! She had no idea that standing before her was her little sister! All she saw of Supergirl was the woman who wouldn’t comply with the governments demands to relinquish herself and her identity, ultimately becoming an enemy of the state.
I think back to that time of Ben Lockwood and the Agents of Liberty. Combine that with the fact that humans were empowered to fear and openly hate on aliens, the fact that Lex had escaped and created Red Daughter, with the fact that Superman was off world with his wife back on the home planet where Kara SHOULD have been able to go and live-in peace, instead of remaining on a planet that only wanted to capture, use, and degrade its mightiest hero and savior…Kara was alone. Completely and utterly alone. She couldn’t have Alex because she was trying to save Kara for once, she couldn’t have Jonn because he had departed to Mars, Winn was in the future, James was too absorbed in our relationship and playing National City’s vigilante no one had asked for… and I… was too busy, consumed with trying to find a cure for my brother who WILLINGLY gave himself cancer to steal the serum I had been creating with the intent to ignorantly empower humans and give them the chance to fight back against the Supers.
All of which boiled down to the moment where Kara had collapsed a little into herself to expose her true reasonings for her actions during the kryptonite shit show, and offer an apology of all things, to me of all people when her, Alex and I had all worked together to track down Eve.
I shake my head because all of that anger, and judgment, hate and distrust that I had openly displayed to Supergirl…to Kara just makes me feel extremely sick to my stomach.
I never really tried to listen to her side of things…I never even tried to talk with her rationally. I jumped to conclusions and vilified her the moment she didn’t live up to the expectations that I, and really the entire nation had unfairly placed on her. Thinking about that conversation I had with Kara in the elevator telling her to never meet your idol just makes me feel even worse.
Before I can fully get lost in my despair, I feel a familiar hand in mine as I turn to look at my travel companion. He smiles sadly at me and says, there’s just one more thing you need to see. Before he snaps his fingers and transports us to what looks like the middle of a forest?
_____________________________________________________
This isn’t a memory I remember being apart of, and as I look up to meet the Imps eyes, all he can do is smile at me sadly and point in a direction in which purple flashes keep appearing. I quickly start to walk over until I hear Alex of all people yell the word no in anguish. At that I burst out into a full-on sprint. I see a figure jump up and fly high enough to hover about 20 to 30 feet in the air, staring down at something on the ground. I see Alex get back up and yell the word no multiple times as she sprints over to a the same figure that the floating women seems to be staring at.
Suddenly, the figures helmet retracts to reveal someone who looks like Kara, and I can’t stop myself from yelling Karas name in relief! I feel a tap on my shoulder and look over to hear the Imp say, “That’s not Kara”, and before I can even think to question him my brain has already provided the answer and I find myself saying, “Red Daughter…”
I look closer at the woman and start to see the small differences. Red Daughters suit almost has the same layout as the imposter Karas, but Red Daughter has different coloration and wears a different shade of lipstick.
My attention snaps to Alex as I hear her speak, “You can’t go now…Kara I remember…I remember everything…” and as her speech teeters off so that she can put her ear to Karas chest it just makes my heart break for Alex, and Kara. Thinking of how she only just came to remember who exactly Supergirl was to her, just as she was beaten mercilessly by Lex’s own creation is horrid. But the whole situation gets that much worse, and I feel my heart clench and my breathing stop as Alex sits up abruptly and yells, “Kara you can’t go now…KARA YOU CAN’T GO!!”. My heart stops at her words…was Kara…was Kara dead?!
I turn my attention to the Imp who refuses to even look at me, he just stares ahead at Karas bloody yet peaceful face. That was all of the confirmation that I needed because I immediately fall to my knees, and can’t help but cry at the memories image in front of me. As badly as I wanted to say this wasn’t real, I know the only way he could be showing me this, is if it was real at some point.
I watch helplessly as Alex sobs, and tries to console their mother who had just come upon the scene that the worlds hero…her baby sister…was going to be fine. It absolutely broke me when Alex had ripped a patch of grass out of the earth to thrust it in Karas lifeless hand only to command her to take the grass’s equivalent to solar radiation before breaking down on her sister still chest…
Before the scene could completely unravel me, I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a quick snap.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
We were back in my lab…we were back in my lab and I was in the same position that I had just been in on that forests floor sobbing my eyes out as I watched Alex break down over Karas broken and beaten body.
It took me a moment to be able to collect myself after that one.
When I did though, I had looked around just to come face to face with the still frozen, angered looking form of Kara, and I felt the vice that had latched itself onto my heat suddenly release!
She was here! She was angry, and hurt, and frustrated, and in the middle of yelling at me, but she was alive and she was HERE!
I couldn’t stop the relieved tears that poured out of my eyes even if I had wanted to!
As I was standing up try to go and hug her frozen form just to fully convince myself that she was here, and had survived that; I felt a pressure on my shoulder and a quick snap before we were suddenly in my pent house.
I immediately turn my relieved gaze turned glare onto the Imp who had taken me away from my friend, when he held up his finger to me in a silencing gesture. This of course just made even more mad, but before I could tell him off in the true Irish nature I posses he asked me a simple question of, “Do you understand now?”
This question catches me fully off guard, and all of my immediate need for a verbal smack down dies all at once, before I respond with, “…what?”
Unlike before, his response misses all signs of outward exasperation as he just looks at me and responds with, “Do you understand more of Karas reasonings for hiding her identity?”
Trying to realize the gravity of his question, while trying to stuff the emotions into their correctly labeled boxes that this whole experience has created within me, I try to put together the correct words to express myself when in actuality all that comes out of my mouth is, “MgAh”.
At the look of utter amusement on the Imps face, and what I would imagine complete horror on mine, all he does is laugh outrightly at my reply. Instead of teasing me further though he seems to have to work to stamp down his amusement at my misgivings, instead to reply with, “Well obviously you need some time. I brought you here to allow you to think about your true feeling for the matter at hand. Now that you have a bit more insight to Karas experiences and reasonings, I want you to stay here and think through your feelings. While I can’t tell you for sure, there are some things that are coming soon, and you need to have your priorities worked out to know what exactly you want to do before it all goes down. Time will remain frozen until you have an answer, and when you do, all you need to do is press this button and I will snap you back to the moment we left in your lab.”
He than hands me the button and turns to walk out of my front door. Before he leaves though, he pauses and turns back around to address me one final time, “You know for what it’s worth, I hope you and Kara are able to work it out. You both have such a potential to do amazing things together, and have the ability to make each other so happy. You both deserve the love that only you two could give one another.”
Now that makes me pause and respond with, “How can you say that?? Aren’t you with Kara, and meant to be her fiancé??”
My comment just makes him chuckle and respond with, “We were until she beat me at my own gave, now we’re just friends”, and before I can ask/demand an elaboration he responds with, “That’s a story for another day! Now think about it, and press the button when you’re ready!”
With that he walks out and I’m just left sitting on my impractical yet stylish couch to think about all that I had been shown, and how exactly it makes me feel. Not wanting to risk coming to a rushed decision I had taken the Imps advise and sat there for as long as I needed. I’m not entirely sure how long had passed or just how many pros and con’s lists, causes and effects, or even ven diagrams I had made, it all came down to the realization that I was approaching this decision as a scientist. Just like how I had created the idea, algorithm, and tech for my premise of do no harm. I had built myself a wall of justifiable reasons to back my decision to work with my brother, to create a technology that was basically mind control, and to use incarcerated people as test subjects. I had allowed my hurt, and malice to drag me down into the ocean of hate and denial, and combined with the self doubt that I had created for myself, could only every result in myself drowning. Almost as if my own hubris was acting as the anchor to drag me to my deepest fear of drowning in loneliness and succumbing to what the world saw me as… When in actuality all I needed to do was to grab on to one of the many, and borderline undeserved life preservers that any one of my friends had offered me, most of all Kara.
Kara.
Just the thought of her and her presence alone, was enough to make me forge my immediate need to analyze my response and apply the scientific method to create the best outcome.
No.
No more detached scientist, overanalyzing my past under such an amplified microscope. No more shutting out those who want to believe in care about me. No more assuming I deserve to share the same fate as the person I share blood with. No more immediate denial of my accomplishments and all of the good that I can do and are deserving of in life.
I deserve to be my own person.
I deserve to be happy.
AND
I deserve to do my best to work for Karas forgiveness with the hope of one day being able to walk by her side again as a partner, or at the very least an ally.
Without taking any more time to contemplate I reached for the button the Imp had given me and pressed it. Laughing audibly at the, “That was easy” sound it had made before being thrust back into the moment in my lab with Kara.
“How much DANGER that puts them in! You…You never even understood that I KEPT my identity from you because I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU! Yes, I know, I know that I hurt you…but what about all the ways that you hurt me?!” I swallow as she continues on, “You pretended to be my friend for weeks…just so you could manipulate me. You stole from me, convinced me to steal for you and then…then you even used kryptonite on me.”
I swallow and look down ashamed. It hurt. To have Kara stating virtually all of the reasons I had just recently put into my lists as to why I didn’t deserve to try to earn my way back into Karas life. It’s one thing to know what you’ve done, but something else to have the person you wronged tell you it to your face.
She continues on with, “I made one mistake…ONE mistake that was only ever meant to protect you…and in return ALL you did was hurt me in every single way imaginable.”
Before this whole experience, I would have scoffed, or even openly fought against her statement that her hiding her identity from me for four years was meant to protect me. But after seeing exactly how her loved ones, my friends, and even Kara herself had been manipulated by aliens and humans alike…the manipulation going as far as government officials as trying to use her loved ones as pawns to bend the Girl of Steel to their will…there’s no way I can refute that statement.
So instead, all I can respond with is, “I’m sorry”.
Which I know is a weak response but all that I am emotionally able to belay to her at the moment.
All she does is look at me with exasperation and respond with, “I know you are…but if you came to me, looking for absolution. I can’t give it to you.”
Which in all honesty genuinely hurts to hear but is not unexpected. I came to the realization during my reflection time in my penthouse that it isn’t enough to just ask Kara and our friends to forgive me…no, no, I need to earn their forgiveness.
Right as I’m about to relay that last thought to Kara I hear the cypher I had put to work ping with results on Eve, and her and I turn our attention back to the computer, before Kara absorbs the information and announces that she’s going.
That causes a strike of fear in my heart for her wellbeing and I immediately interject with, “NO, no Kara, your suit isn’t ready yet!”
“I don’t care. Protecting people is what I do. You should know that by now.”
And she’s right…I do…in every single way that a person could know something about someone else, I truly do know that Kara will always choose to protect others over herself. Which just means that I am now willingly one of the few select people that are meant to protect HER.
“Then I’m going with you.”