Chapter Text
Jeongguk is running. The cool wind hits his body as he moves. Every step he takes feels like a breath of fresh air filling in his lungs. The music in his headphones echoes in his ears. The upbeat music contributes to pumping his adrenaline rush. A thin layer of sweat runs through the back of his neck. He is hyper-aware of his surroundings, yet he feels free.
He is using optimal strength to move because he already mastered this. Every time he speeds up, he can feel his heart pumping up. The thing is Jeon Jeongguk is good at running. He is a runner, after all. He runs in the fields, on the pavement, and everywhere else in between. More often than not, he runs away from all his problems literally.
Running is therapeutic and relieving to him. He likes running because, in the sheer moment of adrenaline, he forgets about everything else. All the worries that are pulling him down; the whole week, month, or his life in general. All of it doesn't exist in his mind just at that moment.
Jeongguk is fond of appreciating the surroundings he sees while he runs. He makes up scenarios in his head about them. This is where he thinks about the stories that he writes. He sees a couple holding hands from afar near the porch. Then as he moves closer to them doing his route, he sees their expressions filled with frustrations, fighting about god knows what.
He’s seen all those fights from his parents before. It makes him question love and relationships. He shrugs it off and jogs past them. Everything seems more difficult, and personal up close. Why can’t love be easy? Why can’t it just be like the ones you see in movies where they go on a date to get a milkshake, hold hands, and kiss with the whipped cream in between them? That's oddly specific, but Jeongguk can dream. He watched too many rom-coms not to.
The tinging sound of his alarm on his watch rings; he can hear it despite the music on, interrupting all his thoughts. His twenty-minute run is over. It's time to come home. He jogs back to his apartment with his roommate. Their apartment is spacious, just the right size for the two of them. It has two bedrooms that separate them, a shared bathroom, living room, and a kitchen.
Jeongguk gets back to the room. He thinks he’s all by himself, but his roommate, Taehyung, who’s also his best friend, comes out of the shower in just a towel wrapped around his waist. It barely covers anything. His honey tan skin is exposed for Jeongguk to see. Nothing he hasn’t seen before, but it catches him off guard every time. Jeongguk is only a mere human to check him out like everyone else.
Anyone with working eyes can see that Taehyung is attractive. Taehyung recently started going to the gym which is making his shoulders broader and stronger and his abdomen firm. There are still water droplets dripping from Taehyung’s chest towards his toned body. Jeongguk is left silent at the heavenly sight, but he blinks his thoughts away and closes his mouth before he drools. Taehyung shows off his boxy smile when Jeongguk sees him.
“Hey, Kookie. I missed you this morning.” Taehyung offers to hug him. He is so close that Jeongguk can smell his strawberry-scented body wash.
“No!” Jeongguk immediately refuses, and Taehyung stops moving and widens his eyes. He is used to just hugging Jeongguk whenever he wants to. Jeongguk moves away. He continues to explain, “I’m sweaty.”
Taehyung shrugs and replies, “I don’t care. You always smell good but fine. You can use the shower I just finished.” He gives him space and goes to his room to get dressed. Jeongguk sighs when Taehyung leaves him alone in the living room, he can finally breathe.
Jeongguk let go of all his frustration in the shower. The water washed away his sweat and all his worries. As he finished showering and exited the door, he saw Taehyung fully dressed, this time in black sweatpants and a white shirt.
Taehyung asks, “Can I hug you now, Jungkookie?”
Jeongguk doesn’t answer since he’s now the one in his towel. He just moves away from him, ready to go to his bedroom. Taehyung always treats Jeongguk like a baby because he is two years younger than him. Taehyung started school late while Jeongguk started early, which makes them be in the same year.
Taehyung smirks and proceeds with a new plan. He comes closer and squishes Jeongguk’s cheeks before saying, “I was just teasing. I’ll see you later, Kookie.”
Here’s the thing Jeongguk and Taehyung are polar opposites. Jeongguk likes the mornings and jogging to release his stress, Taehyung on the other hand, would put off everything until the last minute just to get ten more minutes of sleep. In terms of socialising, Taehyung is a social butterfly, and everyone likes him. While Jeongguk has three other friends other than him. Taehyung can be messy while Jeongguk cleans everything up, making their apartment spotless. They sometimes fight when Taehyung can't find his things, or Jeongguk scolds him when his stuff is all over. Jeongguk is inked with tattoos and has many piercings while Taehyung is like a blank canvas. Taehyung majors in architecture. Even though it is hard for most people, he manages fine. He completes his plates faster than others, and his classmates often even ask him for help. Jeongguk, on the other hand, needs to work 18 hours a day for his film and his training. He sometimes forgets things, while Taehyung remembers every small detail about everything.
But somehow, these two still ended up being best friends for three years. They also fit together like jigsaw puzzles, Taehyung's love language is touching while Jeongguk is spending quality time together. Although Jeongguk acts reserved to most people, he doesn't mind Taehyung's warm touches. Taehyung can't sleep without hugging someone, and Jeongguk likes being held. They cuddle almost every night. Taehyung knows when to push him and when to give him space. He can read him so easily, which makes their dynamic comforting and uplifting.
***
September 2017
Jeongguk has a love-hate relationship with the weather. On other days, he enjoys the breeze of the wind or the warmth of the sun. Out of all the days, the bad weather just had to happen when Jeongguk was moving to a new apartment. The rain hasn't been this heavy since six months ago when Jeongguk was stuck in the middle of the street at his worst. If he didn’t make it to his training that time he would’ve lost his scholarship. Luckily for him at that time, his angel came early and gave him an umbrella. However, this time there's no one on sight, and even the lobby is empty.
In the first half of the semester, Jeongguk was in a dorm, and his roommate was so messy and noisy. It resulted in him struggling to focus on studying. He didn't want to renew his lease anymore. It's pouring rain, and Jeongguk still has half of his things in the pickup truck that he rented. He has no choice but to get it all and place it in the lobby, or else all of it will be wet by the end of the night.
Jeongguk is tired from all these. He's been carrying and rearranging stuff since the morning when someone gives him a hand. Someone pulls his box and carries it with one hand. That person also has an umbrella. Jeongguk turns around to thank the person. He sees a tall, handsome boy who looks about his age, and probably studies in the university too. Jeongguk cannot help but think that his beauty is so surreal that even in the gloomy weather, Jeongguk can see it. The type of beauty that makes your head turn around when he passes by. Surely, a pretty face that everyone likes.
The stranger interrupts his thoughts and continues, "I told you, you should've bought an umbrella." Jeoggunk thinks that even his deep voice is attractive. He has to stop himself from developing a crush on a person he met five seconds ago.
Jeongguk thought that the stranger mistook him for someone else, but he had no time to explain. He answers, "I didn't know it would rain."
The handsome boy grins and shows off his boxy smile. "You should check the weather app, bunny." He really said bunny on their first meeting.
Jeongguk raises his eyebrows at the nickname and asks, "What?"
He casually explains while letting down the box in the lobby, "Sorry, you look like a bunny, and I don't know your name. It's the first thing that came into my mind."
Jeongguk mumbles, "Oh."
The stranger asks, "Where are you moving?"
Jeongguk answers, "Uhh, in the corner room on the fifth floor." He didn't say which number. It's not like the stranger will harass him or stalk him. Well, he hopes not, at least. But it wouldn't hurt to have a friend who lives in the same building he is assuming because the boy is wearing comfortable clothes.
The man widens his eyes upon hearing his place and asks, "Jeon Jeongguk?"
Jeongguk's face lit up in confusion as he heard his name mumbled. He nods and says, "Yeah."
"I'm Kim Taehyung, your roommate." He smiles so wide that Jeongguk can still remember it up to the present. He extends his hand to shake. Ever since they met, Taehyung has always been cheeky and selfless, which made Jeongguk easily grow fond of him and trust him.
They talked over the phone but never swapped pictures. They were both in a hurry to move. Taehyung helps him carry his last remaining stuff. Once they have settled down upstairs, Taehyung lets down his bags and closes the door. Jeongguk calls out, "Thank you, wingless angel, Kim Taehyung-ssi."
"It's nothing roomie. Plus I might need your help sometime. You're ripped." Taehyung eyes up to his arms and checks him out.
Jeongguk laughs and says, "You're so shameless."
Taehyung chuckles and unapologetically says, "So I've been told." He winks at Jeongguk.
Jeongguk looks around the apartment, and Taehyung's things are still packed. Taehyung explains, "I just moved in a couple of hours ago before it rained."
"Oh. We both have a lot of unpacking to do." Jeongguk is so tired, but he cannot wait to organise and clean everything else.
It's like Taehyung can read his mind or just notice his uneasiness with moving things. "Yeah, chill, we can do it tomorrow. You should rest and drink something. You look like you're going to be sick."
Jeongguk jokingly says, "Wow, thanks."
"You know what I mean. I can't have my cute roommate sick." Taehyung goes to the fridge and passes him a bottle of energy drink.
Jeongguk sincerely says this time, "Thank you."
Taehyung winks at him. "Who would've thought that we would be roommates." He pauses and says, "It's like destiny."
Jeongguk puts down his drink and shrugs. "Or a coincidence."
Taehyung teases, "Just admit we're destined to be together, bunny."
Jeongguk sighs, defeated. "Whatever you say, Taehyung." He laughs it off. He thought his roommate had too much energy, and he was ready to call it a night by sleeping.
***
2021
Four years later, Taehyung is still the same caring person that he met. Jeongguk is running when his mortal enemy, aka the bad weather, crosses paths with him, tainting his skin with water droplets. It’s so cold and it’s slowly soaking up his clothes.
"Jungkookie!” Taehyung calls out and runs beside him, covering him with an umbrella. The rain stopped dripping on him.
"I told you to bring your umbrella," Taehyung scolds him and gives him his.
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and fights back, "I don't want to carry it around my bag every day."
Jeongguk gives him back the handle. "You can have it. It's yours."
Taehyung replies, "You're an athlete."
Jeongguk points out, "Yes, I can run faster home."
"I can't have my favourite athlete sick." They are bickering in the streets over an umbrella, like two married people. There are people around them nearby who start staring at their ridiculousness.
Jeongguk lets out a sigh before giving in, "Shut up, let's just share and go home." He scoots over giving Taehyung enough space.
Taehyung wraps his arm around Jeongguk while the other one grabs the handle.
"Oh, honey, okay, let's go home. The kids are waiting," Taehyung teases him, and Jeongguk doesn't fight back anymore. He has gotten used to Taehyung being playful all the time.
Jeongguk asks, "How do you know when I need help? Are you the rain detector?"
Taehyung teases him, "'Because you're my baby, I must protect you." He tightens his hold on Jeongguk’s shoulder.
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and says, "You're barely a year older than me, Tae."
Taehyung pinches his arm and earns a yelp of pain from him. "I'm two years older than you, brat. Give respect to your Hyung."
***
Their university is a five-minute walk from their apartment, which makes everything convenient. They both spend most of their time studying on the campus on a usual day. Taehyung is a member of the student council. Plus, his dashing looks make him known to the students. Jeongguk has countless remarks asking about Taehyung. At first, he was tired of it, but now he effortlessly just answers them with the vaguest answers that will make them halt.
“Hey, is Taehyung single?”
“I don’t know. You can ask him yourself.” Jeongguk smiles at them. They all give up and stop bothering him. Although the only person he cannot stop is none other than Taehyung. Taehyung likes teasing him even on campus.
Jeongguk is studying with his friend when he sees Taehyung walking past. He covers his face with the notebook in hopes of not being seen, when he feels arms wrapped around him, hugging him from behind. Taehyung whispers, “Hey, baby.”
Jeongguk abruptly pulls away. He hisses, “Tae, I’m studying.”
Taehyung stares at his friend and waves. “Hey, Minhyuk!” His friend greets Taehyung too.
Jeongguk lightly pushes him away. “Uh, we’re busy.”
"Okay, I'll see you at home, babe." Taehyung winks and leaves. He knows Jeongguk’s friends tease him about him, and he fuels it more just for the laughs.
As soon as Taehyung left, his classmate, Minhyuk comments, "Damn your roommate is hot." Jeongguk shrugs because everyone knows Taehyung is attractive.
Minhyuk declares, "I'd tap that if you won't." He is shamelessly looking at Taehyung walking away.
The words ring into Jeongguk’s ear, almost making him shriek. Jeongguk lightly smacks his shoulder. "Hey, don't talk about him like that!" He doesn’t know what pushes him but he’s always defensive when people treat Taehyung like a piece of meat. That’s his best friend after all.
Minhyuk smirks and teases him, "So you like him?"
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and is quick to deny it, "No." He has been asked this question too many times to count.
"Then what's the deal? I'm sure you have a chance." Minhyuk lightly squeezes his muscles as a joke.
"I won't because Taehyung is great and fun. I finally found someone suitable for me. There's no way I'm going to look for another roommate if something happens." Jeongguk switched roommates twice in his first semester in college, and he doesn't recommend it. Moving is so hard, and stressful. The thought of moving in while it's raining replays in Jeongguk's mind, making him frown.
Minhyuk sighs in defeat because Jeongguk had a handful of roommates. "Okay, fine."
Minhyuk asks, "But what if he likes you?" That's another question Jeongguk seems to hear from his friends, but he always denies the idea of it. He never felt Taehyung showed interest in him in that way. It would complicate things, and Jeongguk is happy with what he has now with Taehyung.
Jeongguk immediately replies, "Well, he doesn't."
"Sure he doesn't." Minhyuk mocks Taehyung's deep voice. "I'll see you at home, babe."
"Oh, shut up." Jeongguk pulls the notes that he shared.
Minhyuk yelps trying to get it back, "Wait! I'll stop. Give me the notes!"
***
This feature film class is specialized for film student-athletes because their schedules are hectic. Their final project is to make a film about themselves and their sport. Today is the first consultation, Jeongguk and his friend Yugyeom are the only athletic runners or sprinters in the class, so they talked to their professor at the same time.
"Your final project should show who you are and what you do while also making up a story. At this rate, you must have an idea. You must wonder why? Out of all the topics, why this? Anyone can make a film, but you must know yourself deeply in order to improve," Professor Yang lectures the class further about the project. He informs them that all their films will be showcased in the auditorium, and anyone can watch it at the premier. They should treat it as an official film screening.
Prof Yang gave them time to brainstorm and think of ideas. He hears his classmates murmuring, already with plans. Everyone seems to have an idea of what they want. Except Jeongguk doesn't even know himself.
Prof Yang begins, while they're seated in front of his table, "I'll ask you questions."
They both nod and agree to answer.
Prof Yang starts with the first question, "How fast do you run?"
They both voice out their average sprinting rates that they are proud of. Prof Yang shakes his head and places a finger on his mouth gesturing to them to keep quiet. "Shh, don't answer out loud. Just think about it."
Jeongguk and Yugyeom both nod. Prof Yang proceeds with the next questions.
"Why are you running?" He pauses for a moment to give the time to think before proceeding to the next one.
"What is the purpose of your run?"
Jeongguk deeply thinks about everything, his scholarship, and what his parents want. All of those mainly concern other people. But what about what he wants?
Prof Yang continues with more intriguing questions that linger in the back of Jeongguk’s mind. "Are you afraid to fall?" The only answer that rushes into Jeongguk’s mind is Yes.
"Do you have enough balance?" Jeongguk focuses on writing the question down, not wanting to answer it.
I don’t know.
“Are you afraid to test your balance?”
Yes.
“Do you know what happens after you fall?”
Failure.
“Are you prepared to run strong?” The questions are so simple yet so hard to answer.
I don’t know.
“So many run away for nothing. Many people run away from everything. Instead of running forward or running toward someone else. You have to have your purpose.” Prof Yang raises his eyebrows, and Jeongguk feels like he is directly talking to him and not the both of them. It feels like he can read every self-doubting thought that Jeongguk has.
“Think about those questions before making your film." Prof Yang says before dismissing them.
Jeongguk and Yugyeom walk out of the class shortly after. Yugyeom is already going about with his plan, while Jeongguk’s mind is still trying to process everything. "So I was thinking, maybe I can make a documentary of my routine—"
Yugyeom notices him frowning and growing silent. "What's wrong, Kook?"
Jeongguk blinks away when he feels the pat on his shoulder. He shrugs it off."Uh, nothing." He meant it as nothing. Nothing, which means his mind went blank and drifted to nothingness when all those questions were asked. Nothing.
Yugyeom lets it go and changes the topic. "Hey, are you ready for the competition on Friday?"
Jeongguk shrugs and answers, "Yeah." It's not like he can say otherwise. He has been training for this for months.
"I mean, why did I even ask? You're our star player. I can't believe I'm friends with you." Yugyeom teases him and grins.
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and mocks him, "Haha, shut up."
Yugyeom lightly nudges his shoulder. "Everyone is waiting for your win." His friend is mainly teasing but it’s putting more pressure than him knowing people are rooting for him, when he doesn’t even know if he can do it.
"Yeah, right." Jeongguk laughs.
***
That night Jeongguk stayed up later than usual, practicing in the training grounds, even if it’s dark. There’s so much growing pressure. Uncertainty and unsureness that’s consuming him. He finished at around 8 pm. After doing his rounds, he is ready to come home to Taehyung. To his surprise, when he got to their place, Taehyung wasn’t there.
Inside their apartment that they call home, there are many rules that they both created. They alternate in buying groceries. Jeongguk likes to keep things clean and tidy. He scolds Taehyung every time he's messy. They have other rules, such as they can invite someone over but not on midterms or finals. Although in their three years spent together, they haven't brought anyone home over the night. Except for the one time Jimin is too drunk, so they let him sleep in Taehyung's room. While Taehyung stays cuddling Jeongguk in his room. Sure sometimes, they stay out at someone else's place.
Jeongguk sees Taehyung's materials, pens, and sheets, messily placed on the table. He's ready to scold his best friend, but he's still outside. He cannot deal with this, especially with the rough day that he had.
Shortly, Taehyung enters the apartment. He shows off his boxy smile at Jeongguk like he always does. "Hey, you."
Taehyung begins, “I bought food and…” He grabs something from behind, a paper bag. Jeongguk doesn’t know what else he could probably buy that makes him look that excited.
Jeongguk crosses his arms and sulks, ready to give Taehyung a talk that not even food can bribe him out of. But before he could say anything, Taehyung hands him over a paper bag. "I bought the candles that you like."
"Huh?" Jeongguk checks the paper bag and sees the vanilla-scented candle. He grabs the candle and smells it. Even if it’s not lit up he can already smell the sweet comforting scent that he likes. He smiles contentedly and is ready to use it.
Jeongguk hugs Taehyung from behind. All his anger is gone and forgotten now. He can't be bribed with food, but if it's his favourite candle, then his feelings are easily swayed. “Taehyungie, hyungie, hyung, you didn’t have to.”
Taehyung chuckles at Jeongguk’s warm arms around him. “Yeah, but it makes you happy.”
"Thank you, god, I love you."
Taehyung chuckles and pats his head. It’s nothing big if it can make Jeongguk warm and show off his bunny smile that he adores. "Sure, Kookie, love you too." Buying candles and houseware are the little joys in life that they both indulge in. They like making their apartment as comfortable as possible.
Taehyung pulls away from the hug, and Jeongguk sees the stuff that bothered him on the table. "Uh, I'll help you fix your things."
Taehyung glances at what he’s looking at and realises what he meant. He sees things messily placed on the table. "Oops, sorry, Kookie."
“It’s fine.” Jeongguk shrugs. It’s funny how much Taehyung can easily affect his mood. There’s a lot of huge drawing papers that Jeongguk doesn’t know the name of. Jeongguk got a glimpse of the drawing, and it looks like a house.
Jeongguk asks as he gets a hold of the paper, “What’s this you’re working on?”
Taehyung replies, “Oh. They asked us to draw our dream house and all the rooms in it?”
“No wonder, it’s a lot. You’re a perfectionist.” Jeongguk can only imagine that Taehyung would want a huge house. He likes his space and for dogs that he always wanted. He also likes seeing the scenery and the calm of it.
“Maybe.” Taehyung shrugs, not admitting it. He is keen when it comes to his work. He wants everything to be precise. Starting from the measurement to the way the sunlight shines on the structure. It’s something he and Jeongguk have in common. Always considering every aspect of their art,
Jeongguk jokes around asking, “Will you give me a room in your house?”
Taehyung replies, “Of course, I want to live with you forever. I'm already thinking of your room.” Jeongguk laughs. He doesn’t take the statement seriously.
Jeongguk shakes his head. “No way.”
Taehyung promises, “Yes, I’ll show you after I make it.”
Jeongguk rolls his eyes, still not knowing if Taehyung is joking or not. “Sure.”
After they cleaned and brought Taehyung’s things to the room. They come back to the living room, and Taehyung sits on the couch, waiting for him. "So what movie should we watch, you can choose?"
“It’s early?” Jeongguk points out the time. They usually keep up with everything else before watching at almost midnight. Another rule that they made is that Fridays are for cuddling and movie nights.
Jeongguk sits beside him. Then, Taehyung reminds him, and he groans, remembering the event he’s been avoiding. "Yeah, let's start early, your training is early tomorrow, and your race is in two days."
Jeongguk places his head over his hands. He sighs defeated before saying, “Wow, you know my schedule better than me.”
Taehyung gives him a smug look wrapping his arm around him. “Duh, what do you take me for?”
Jeongguk shrugs. “That you’re stalking me?”
Taehyung jokes around, "We live in the same place. So yes, I am stalking you." He shifts his position and pins Jeongguk down the couch. He tries his best to cheer him up, so he starts tickling him, and Jeongguk giggles. “I’m your number one fan.”
Jeongguk tries to move away, but Taehyung is holding him down. He gives in, “Sure, fine! You are! Stop tickling me!”
***
The sun is shining brightly, and it gives Jeongguk hope that things will work out. Today is the day of the sprinting match. Athletes from different regions and universities are all in the venue. Even with the calm morning breeze, the atmosphere is loud. Everyone’s hype and ready for what’s about to come.
"Hey, don't think about anything else, just focus on running and everything you trained for. You got this," Coach Dae gives him words of encouragement.
Jeongguk nods. "Yes, Coach, okay."
He hears the whistle then he is immediately on his feet. Jeongguk is running. It's his first competition of the year and the start of the season. At the end of the line, people are waiting for him; his parents, his coach, his teammates, and his best friend. Everyone is counting on him to win.
Jeongguk has practiced for months for this. His stats are great. He is the fastest one on his team. He had a good head start. He is at the point of advantage. So far, so good. He surpassed everyone else. He is determined to win this to start the season on the right foot. All the training was worth it. It shows how his pace is fast and gradual.
Jeongguk is leading probably by a second. He focuses on the environment, the front lines, and the sidelines. On the back of his mind is the length measuring how much more he needs to run. He had a good pace throughout the run. He can almost see the end of the line where everyone is waiting. It's so close, so close to his victory.
As he sees everyone in his peripheral view, and his frontal view. He wonders if these runners can answer the questions that he thought about all week. Something in him shifts. He gets distracted by one overwhelming feeling of doubt. He remembers he doesn't know why he's running other than to win, other than to improve his stats.
The questions replay on the back of his mind. Are you afraid to fall? Do you have enough balance? Before he can answer the first question, his mind is too clouded, and by his next step, he trips on his feet. Well, that answers the second question. The hard texture of the ground scrapes against his skin, cutting his skin. This is the first time he fell.
It takes him three seconds to get up. In those three seconds, his opponent already surpasses him. Rage and adrenaline rush into his veins. He tries his best to run faster and to catch up. But it was too late. The gold medal, his scholarship, and the look on his parents’ faces, all slipping away each second.
Jeongguk runs past the finish line ignoring everyone's cheers. He makes eye contact with his mother, and he hates the feeling of shame. He moves past them, too embarrassed to face anyone or get a scolding. He grabs his things in the locker room.
Jeongguk thought he was alone when his Coach approached him. "What happened? you were doing so well?"
Jeongguk mumbles a low, "Sorry."
Coach Dae continues, "Jeongguk it's not that. You're one of the best runners— No, if not, you’re the best. Your endurance, speed, and strength are all perfect. But what happened? Are you okay?" He pats on Jeongguk’s shoulder, his approach filled with concern.
Jeongguk shrugs. He is too ashamed to meet the gaze of his coach. He softly mumbles, "Yeah, I just fell."
Too many things are weighing him down, and he knows it. Yet he does what he does best, or at least he thinks so. He runs away from his worries.
***
Jeongguk comes home directly after his talk with his Coach. He knows he left Taehyung there, but he's too tired to explain to anyone. He knows that one look in Taehyung's eyes, and he will be urged to tell the truth. Right now, he doesn't want to add more pain to his wounds. It’s already night, and Jeonguk spent the whole day napping and finishing up requirements. He turned off his phone to avoid everyone else.
Jeongguk hears a knock on his door, and before he could make an excuse to stop him, Taehyung opens the door and leans into his door frame. He is looking at him with concern. Yet, he blinks away and tries to play it cool. He casually greets, "Hey, Kookie."
Jeongguk raises his eyebrows and mumbles, "Hey."
Taehyung asks, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," Jeongguk mumbles under his breath. He crosses his arms. He looks around his room, looking anywhere except Taehyung.
Taehyung continues asking, "Did you even clean your wounds?"
Jeongguk nods and answers, "Yeah."
Taehyung comes closer. "Let me check." Jeongguk moves away to hide, but he whines in pain when the blanket hits his wound. Taehyung pulls the blanket away. He carefully checks Jeongguk’s knee, and he sighs upon seeing it. He notices that Jeongguk barely treated it with medication.
"Give me a second." Taehyung quickly gets up and leaves the room, and grabs something in his room. He comes back with the first aid kit. He applies a disinfectant to the wound making Jeongguk wince in pain, and he bites his lip to contain his sound.
"Ouch!" Jeongguk moves his leg away from Taehyung.
"Shh, don't worry, baby. It'll get better soon." Taehyung pours more disinfectant making him scream.
"Ugh, I hate you stop!" Jeongguk complains, and Taehyung gives him a questioning look that says, "Oh really?"
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and says, "No, I mean, I hate myself."
Taehyung shakes his head and frowns. "Don't say that."
Jeongguk doesn't say anything, so he gently pats the wound with cotton. Jeongguk feels the pain slowly soothing, that he doesn't have to bite his lip anymore. Taehyung applies an antibiotic cream to the wound. Then he grabs the gauze.
"I don't like covering it," Jeongguk reminds him.
Taehyung chuckles at the sight of Jeongguk sulking. "I know, but you just hit yourself with the blanket. If you don't cover it, you'll hurt yourself." He prepares just the right size of gauze before placing it gently on top of Jeongguk's wound to cover it and secure it with medical tape.
Taehyung feels satisfied that it looks neat. "There it's all done."
Jeongguk gives him a shy smile. He sighs before thanking him. "Thanks, Hyung."
Taehyung sits beside him, and Jeongguk unconsciously moves to give him space to lean on. Taehyung nudges his shoulder. He tries to lighten up the mood. "Hey, you're still a silver medalist. You beat like 99% of people in the country."
"Yeah, I'm a second." Jeongguk scoffs, clearly not proud of himself. "Did you see the look on my parents' faces?"
Taehyung furrows his eyebrows and replies, "Yeah, they were worried about you." He has met Jeongguk’s parents a couple of times, mostly at his competitions. They were always present. His parents seem reserved but nice to Taehyung regardless.
Jeongguk crosses his arms and contrasts Taehyung's statement, "No, they were disappointed." He lets out another sigh after the words left his mouth. It feels like he's been holding it all the whole day, and now Taehyung is here. Something about his presence makes Jeongguk naturally say everything in his mind.
“I wanna move, maybe, I’ll apply to every university and scholarship just to be away from here,” Jeongguk carelessly declares. It’s a statement that he wants to do, or he’s just saying it at the spur of the moment.
“Okay, I’ll support you wherever,” Taehyung promises. He doesn't ask him any more questions, and Jeongguk is grateful for that. He thinks that if Taehyung asks him, he might actually cry, remembering that everything sucks. Instead, Taehyung gently lifts the blanket and places it on top of them both. He rests his hands on Jeongguk's waist and hugs him.
"What are you doing?" Jeongguk asks when he feels Taehyung's grip. He feels like he's melting on Taehyung's arms. The embrace feels warm and gentle. It feels comforting that at the end of the day, he has someone, his best friend.
"Cuddling because I like it, and I know you do too." Taehyung nuzzles his head on Jeongguk's shoulder, getting more comfortable by the second. Jeongguk is too tired to argue, so he nods. Taehyung could be right, after all. Cuddling might be something he needs.
"Plus your bed is more comfortable," Taehyung mumbles, and Jeongguk can already imagine the smile on Taehyung's face. They have gotten so used to sleeping next to each other that it feels so natural.
Jeongguk chuckles at his lame excuse because they have the same bed structure and mattress. "We have the same bed."
Taehyung replies, "Nope, mine doesn't have you in it." Jeongguk laughs for the first time that day. The beautiful sound is music to Taehyung's ears. It's his sole purpose of going to his room. To make him happy, even just for a while.
Taehyung closes the lampshade on the bedside table, allowing only the night light to radiate. Jeongguk closes his eyes while Taehyung cuddles him. He feels safe and protected. Taehyung mumbles into his hair, "I'm proud of you."
Jeongguk sleepily answers, still with his eyes closed. "There's nothing to be proud of."
Taehyung reassures him confidently, "You'll get it next time." He tightens his grip on Jeongguk's waist, pulling him closer as if he's going anywhere. He rests his leg on top of Jeongguk but is careful not to touch his wound.
Jeongguk mumbles, "Yeah, sure." He gives up on fighting Taehyung back because he knows he's going to lose anyway. He pulls at the blanket to grip something. Then he just remains comfortable and with his eyes closed.
"Even if you don't." Taehyung pauses and says, "You're still number one to me." In contrast to Jeongguk, his eyes are still open. He can see the night light shine on Jeongguk's skin, and it looks so beautiful.
Jeongguk softly mumbles, "Thanks?" Taehyung admires his beauty fondly. Then he decides to ruffle Jeongguk's fluffy hair. Just running his fingers through the hair strands, gently caressing them.
"Oh... keep doing that." Taheyung smiles when Jeongguk confirms that he likes it. He always does anyway. Taehyung massages his scalp while combing his hair too.
"Yeah, go to sleep."
Jeongguk's last thoughts for tonight are that he's so grateful to have Taehyung, and maybe not everything today sucked. Taehyung plays with his hair until he falls asleep soundly. Then he goes back to cuddling Jeongguk and holding him tight.
***
For the next few days, Jeongguk mends his own wounds. Everything is still fresh to him. He needs more time to tell himself that it’s okay that he failed. For the next week, Jeongguk focuses on healing. The scrape on his knee is healing, but the scar shows the painful defeat. Jeongguk has had a rough few weeks, no scrap that, maybe a rough month with everything happening.
Taehyung, on the other hand, is also busy with his requirements. Yet, every time Jeongguk sees him, he looks so calm and put together. Something he cannot relate to at all. Jeongguk is stressed with training and his projects in his film classes. Not to mention he failed the test in his required science class in the curriculum even though he’s an art major. He is at the low point of, yeah, it can’t get any worse than this. Jeongguk is having a bad day when Taehyung decides to text him.
Tae (best roommate ever):
Hey you at Home?
JK:
yeah
Tae (best roommate ever):
are you okay?
JK:
yeah
probably failed my exam
but it's whatever
Tae (best roommate ever):
oh baby :(
I’ll buy your favourites
I got you
***
Taehyung came home and brought him chicken and a pint of ice cream. Jeongguk stands up and hugs his best friend. His mood brightens up just by the sight of Taehyung being in his presence. Taehyung made everything better like he always does when he was having a horrible day.
Taehyung is already setting up the table with him.
Jeongguk mumbles, “You’re the best. How in the world are you still single?” He is only teasing, but in the back of Jeongguk's mind, what if he's not? and he just didn't tell him because they never talk about this stuff.
Taehyung shrugs and lets out a chuckle. He answers, “Maybe the person I like doesn’t know it.”
Jeongguk asks, “Well did you tell them?" Taehyung gestures to him to sit down and start eating while sitting across from him.
Taehyung replies, “Nope, I’ve been trying to, but he’s oblivious.”
Jeongguk is too busy already stuffing the chicken on his face. He mumbles, “Well, he’s an idiot,” to lighten up the mood.
Taehyung chuckles and shows off his boxy smile. “He is.”
Taehyung has been going out a lot. Sometimes, he doesn’t come back all night. Jeongguk thinks he’s probably on dates or getting some. He is not invasive of Taehyung’s dating life. That’s the only thing they don’t talk about ever.
“Stop worrying about your test. It’s the first one. You’ll do well on the next one.” Taehyung thought he was thinking about that because he stayed silent.
Jeongguk smacks his shoulder. “I had already forgotten about it before you brought it up, again.”
Taehyung laughs. “Oops?”
Taehyung changes the topic, “Anyway, it’s Friday. It’s movie night.”
Jeongguk smiles and says, “I’ll choose this time.”
Taehyung contrasts, “But I thought—”
Jeongguk shows him his sad puppy look, and Taehyung gives in so fast. “Fine, since you’re wallowing in sadness.”
“Okay, I’ll make the popcorn, Taehyungie!” Taehyung lets out a laugh because Jeongguk rarely calls him that unless he’s in a playful mood or got what wanted.
Jeongguk chose to watch Iron Man. Even though it’s probably the twelfth time they watched it, Taehyung doesn’t complain. He just cuddles Jeongguk and feeds him popcorn. Even for a few hours, Jeongguk forgets about everything else while he is in the warmth of Taehyung’s embrace.
Jeongguk is wearing short sleeves that show off his arms. Taehyung caresses his muscles but he doesn’t mind because he does it all the time. He asks, “Did I ever tell you how much I like your tattoos?”
Jeongguk’s face is still stuffed with popcorn. He mumbles, “You obsess over it every other day, you should get one yourself.”
Taehyung replies, “I’ll get your name tattooed.”
Jeongguk side-eyes him. “Yeah, right, you’re probably scared of needles.”
Taehyung chuckles. “Nope, I’ll get it tattooed if you marry me, Kookie.” He is open to getting a tattoo but he just doesn’t know which one. Also, he cannot commit to something so easily if it will mark him forever.
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and eats more popcorn since Taehyung isn’t getting any. “Whatever, stop, focus on the film.”
“Okay.” Taehyung responds but he’s still focused on Jeongguk.
“Ironman has sacrificed so much for us,” Jeongguk blurts out and Taehyung can’t help but smile fondly. He thinks that beyond his cool badass appearance with all the piercings and tattoos, he is a big softie, who is a geek. He is a cuddly baby, a little spoon at home.
Jeongguk is memorising the lines of every character in the movie. While, he is memorising every detail of Jeongguk’s face. He urges not to touch his cheek scar or else Jeongguk might actually smack him this time. This sums up what happens to a regular movie night.
***
It’s Saturday, Taehyung went out all day while Jeongguk is busy doing his requirements. He’s been editing his project all day. As much as he loves editing, he’s tired. He sees the time, and it’s past 10 at night. Seems like Taehyung isn’t coming home tonight, at least one of them is having fun. He shrugs off his intrusive thoughts of how Taehyung is spending the night.
Jeongguk is the type to be fixated on something, which mostly happens while working on his projects. He is in deep focus and forgets about everything else. Luckily for him, Taehyung knows his habits and always brings him food. Today it’s already late when he realised he was hungry. Then he just ordered takeout. Jeongguk sits in silence eating and thinking about how dull it is in their apartment without Taehyung. He shrugs off his lonely thoughts and gets back to work.
At 2 am, Jeongguk hears the front door open and footsteps approaching his room. Taehyung lays beside him, and he moves to give him a free space. He wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s waist. His hands fit perfectly on Jeongguk. Taehyung cuddles Jeongguk as he usually does. Jeongguk complains, but deep down, he likes it.
Jeongguk mumbles sleepily, “You've been clingier this week, Tae. You don’t even sleep in your own room.” Taehyung somehow makes up an excuse that he’s sleeping beside him every night. But Jeongguk always gives in.
Taehyung unapologetically says, “Maybe I don’t need an excuse. I just like… like hugging you.”
Jeongguk sighs before saying, “You’re drunk, go to sleep.”
***
Sunday.
Taehyung wakes up confused. “I don’t have a headache.”
Jeongguk shrugs and recalls last night. “Yeah, I gave you painkillers and water. Do you want a protein shake too?”
Taehyung smiles before standing up. “What would I do without you?”
“You’ll probably be homeless,” Jeongguk chuckles. He recalls all the times they joked about it. If they didn’t become roommates, they would both still be looking for places to stay up to now. Taehyung said thanks and hugged him tightly. Then he proceeds to the shower then he gets dressed up after. He is always on the go, not even a day where he’s just staying still at home.
Jeongguk eyes up to his outfit. Taehyung looks fit as usual, he looks good in everything. “Going out again?”
“Yeah, do you wanna come?” Taehyung offers and explains, “I’m meeting up with Jimin and maybe Yoongi.”
Jeongguk points to his laptop. “Nah, I have to finish this.”
Taehyung curiously asks, “Okay… What are you doing?”
Jeongguk replies, “Editing my project.” The ridiculous project he’s been editing for hours that he feels like he’s losing his sanity if hears the background song one more time. But, sure it’s no big deal because he signed up for this when he became a film major.
Taehyung raises his eyebrow and is more interested than ever. “Oh, what is it about?”
“Uhh, nothing. It’s stupid.” Jeongguk shrugs it off.
Taehyung’s eyes soften, and he sighs before saying, “It’s not, Kookie. I’d love to hear about it sometime when I get back.” Jeongguk thinks he’s just being nice.
Jeongguk agrees, “Okay.” Not giving it another thought.
“I’ll see you later, Kookie.” Taehyung flicks his chin before leaving. After all, his love language is to touch. No matter what happens he will always find a way to hug, cuddle and squish Jeongguk.
***
Taehyung comes home somewhat tipsy. He lays on Jeongguk’s bed, and the younger one doesn’t complain. Taehyung pats the side of the bed, gesturing to him to lay beside him. "Come here."
Jeongguk answers, "You sleep. I'm not sleepy yet." He plugs his phone on the other side, so he is on the edge sitting.
Taehyung stares at him and asks the most random question. "Do you ever think about how some things are just destined for us?"
Jeongguk turns around, shifting his body so that he is facing Taehyung as they talk. "What do you mean?"
Taehyung voices out his extensive thoughts, "Well, sometimes you work hard for something, then you still don't get it. Then after a while, another comes by, and it's so much better. You ask yourself why did you even bother stressing about something for so long."
Jeongguk questions. "So, like a replacement?"
Taehyung chuckles. "I meant destiny."
Jeongguk shrugs and says to his side, "Oh, hmm maybe, well it depends."
Taehyung wonders, "Why are you so opposed to the idea of it, Kookie?" He has always been interested in everything Jeongguk thinks. They talk about their different views of the world.
Jeongguk puts his hands together and explains, "I am just unsure of a lot of things. I try to see things from both sides. Sometimes you work hard for something, but someone comes along being better than you, so they pick them instead of you."
"I bet you're better than them," Taehyung says without batting an eye. He believes and supports Jeongguk more than anyone.
Jeongguk sighs. "You always say that." In his mind, Taehyung is too much of a hopeless romantic, when he’s the one who watched a hundred films about romance every day.
Taehyung confidently says, "It's the truth. Sometimes you just need to let it go."
"Easy for you to say. You're always the cheerful and optimistic one between the two of us," Jeongguk teases.
The ambiguity of this topic gives them a sense of comfort. It feels like they just understand each other even without the elongated explanations. They can say any thought they have in mind knowing the other one won't judge them.
Taehyung begins with another topic, “Do you ever just wish for something more?”
Jeongguk replies, “Every time.” In so many aspects, he feels like he is lacking. He wishes for the moment to come where he feels enough and steady. He didn’t know Taehyung was feeling the same way.
“But then you realise it’s impossible to have it. So you just give up, but sometimes a little part of you still wishes it would work even just for a second. Then you remember the other 100 reasons why it should not work out. I don’t know what I’m saying.” Taehyung is going through something that Jeongguk can’t pinpoint.
“No, I understand you truly.” Jeongguk doesn’t know the exact context, but it’s the same familiar feeling he cannot deny. “But that one reason should be enough.”
Jeongguk allows himself to open up to his best friend, hoping his story will somehow explain his perspective, “I like film, editing, and writing. Even though there are 100 reasons why I should not keep going. I still continue just because I love the feeling when it’s completed. I feel content, and I like myself a little more. Running, on the other hand, is both a blessing and a curse to me.”
Taehyung replies, “Hmm, what are the reasons holding you back?”
“Literally and metaphorically. Running from my parents and every pressure to be this great filmmaker or great runner. If I wasn't running and winning competitions then my parents would’ve never supported me studying film. I just feel like I’m never enough,” Jeongguk declares. It’s the first time he has said that out loud in front of anyone.
Taehyung is quick to reassure him, “Don’t say that. You’re already good the way that you are. You are smart and talented. You have a scholarship. If you didn't get it from running, you probably would've from the art that you do. If your parents don't support you, I will always be here for you. I’ll help you as long as I can because I want you to be happy. Remember that.”
“Thanks?” Jeongguk looks down, avoiding Taehyung’s gaze.
He changes the topic. He asks, “Taehyung, why do you keep going out?”
The thing about alcohol is that it makes you happy or makes you feel worse, and there’s nothing in between. This time Taehyung shifted to the latter part. Allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of his best friend.
“Oh, I like spending time with you, don't get me wrong.” Taehyung continues, “But I can’t say no to Jimin and Yoongi. If I am with a lot of people, I forget my emptiness. I feel complete, but then everyone leaves, and I’m back to my own thoughts. I know it’s like a temporary fix, but I cannot stop because I don’t know how else to cope.”
“ Oh. ” And here, Jeongguk thought that Taehyung being a social butterfly is all rainbows and butterflies. Kim Taehyung, as perfect as he is on the outside, is also flawed like the rest of them.
Taehyung mumbles, “Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk asks, “Hmm, what?” Taehyung mumbles, “You look beautiful.”
Jeongguk blurts out, his voice is getting softer, “Oh, thanks, you are too.” He stares at Taehyung looking so ethereal with the night light glinting into his brown eyes. Jeongguk can’t believe his eyes, he swears, Taehyung glows.
Taehyung caresses his cheeks. He can see Taehyung’s pink lips so close to his. Too close that if one moves a bit closer their lips will press against each other. But Jeongguk pulls away from his touch. They almost kissed. Taehyung is tipsy, and whatever might have happened Jeongguk doesn’t want him to regret it.
This isn't the first time they were that close that they almost kissed. The first time they actually kissed was in their freshman year. They were both smashed. The type of kiss you share with your best friend when you're screaming on top of your lungs that you love them. They kissed like that, just a kiss without a deeper meaning. They laughed and never talked about it again. Friends kiss friends at least once, right?
Taehyung interrupts his clouded thoughts. “I have that one reason.”
Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows, confused at his statement. “Huh?”
Taehyung smiles and stares at him for about three seconds. “Nothing, goodnight, Kookie.”
This time, Taehyung sleeps in his own room that night. Jeongguk stays up all night thinking about what Taehyung said about wanting. There’s still a little part of him that hopes that maybe there is a chance for them.
***
Jeongguk’s life is a constant running and swerving from obstacles. The stress never ends. He had the most stressful week. He worked hard on one of his projects, and his professor didn't like it at all. He asked him to revise his work. That's a week's load of filming. To add to that, his mother called him saying that they are so excited for his next competition. While at training, Jeongguk's stats are not improving. It's not bad, he is good, but he wants to become better. He feels stuck in everything at the moment. He is so frustrated that he wants to cry. He needs something to get his mind off the stress, even just for a couple of hours.
Not even the endorphins he gets from running are enough because running is one of the reasons why he's stressed right now. He's also too busy to get laid. Jeongguk has his fair shares of one-night stands. He can't say he’s been satisfied enough. Being in the university, he needs to release his stress. That's why he hooks up with people every now and then. But the thought of going out and carefully meeting a stranger and putting all that effort is something he has no energy to do right now.
He is organising his notes when he hears his phone ringing and checks to see that it’s his other best friend. Seokjin greets enthusiastically on the other line, “Hey Kook, come over. I’m bored.”
Don't get him wrong, he loves Seokjin but being around him makes him jealous that he is rarely stressing over anything. Sometimes he thinks to himself, it must be nice to not be a film major and an athlete at the same time. Then maybe he wouldn't be this stressed.
Jeongguk replies, “I’m busy.”
Seokjin teases, “Busy doing what drooling over your hot eye candy roommate?”
Jeongguk rolls his eyes and says, “Shut up, don’t talk about him like that.”
“You didn’t even deny it.” Seokjin laughs and continues, “Tell him.”
“Tell him what?” Jeongguk acts coy.
“You know what, that you’re in love with him,” Seokjin says on the other edge of the line, and Jeongguk is glad that he cannot see him right now because his face probably shows pain while his friend is smirking.
He denies it, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, stop bothering me. I have many projects to do!”
“Wait, Kook! Be honest with me. I’m your best friend. Well, not your best friend who you’re secretly painfully in love with,” Seokjin blurts out. Jeongguk sighs. He knows his friend will never leave him alone or let him live without him explaining. He might as well get it over with now.