cloud surprised the sky

by kumjongin

Summary:

Sehun is empty and lost after college, but when his grandma falls ill, he grabs his camera and sets out to take care of her. He hates the slow pace of tiny towns, like the one she lives in, but then he meets a painter in love with the sky.

Notes:

Additional warnings: mentioned non main character suicide attempt. It’s not graphic in the least, but it is mentioned. There is also mention of alcohol a couple of times, but no one gets drunk.

“Your grandmother has fallen ill.”

Sehun blinked a couple of times, watching as his mother stirred her tea calmly. Sunlight poured into every crevice of the kitchen, it felt almost blinding. “What happened?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.

His brother stood against the counter, eating sugary cereal like nothing had changed. And maybe for him it hadn’t. He’d always been the one to whine about when they had to go see their grandmother, would rather go stay with his friends. His dad at least had the presence of mind to appear solemn, sitting at the breakfast nook with their mother, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Something with her heart...I don’t recall what they called it exactly, but she had a minor cardiac episode. She had surgery, and she’s having to take it easy now. They wanted one of us to go and...look after her, but I already said that the best we could do was a weekend or two.” His mother lifted the cup to her lips.

It was certainly no surprise, even though she was the grandma on his mom’s side. That was how his mother was, always had been. “Why couldn’t we?”

“Come on, Sehun, we’ve got lives. She’s old, it’s what happens when you get old,” his brother chimed, slurping his milk.

“Don’t be nasty,” his father warned. “We’ll pray for her recovery. But none of us can get the time off of work, Sehun, and you just graduated. It’s time for you to get serious about finding a job. Need I remind you, a lot of your classmates had offers even before they finished school.”

It was a tired conversation, and one Sehun didn’t want to have again. Least of all in the same breath as his grandmother’s illness. He clenched his jaw, fingers clenching against his sides. There was that burn, the fire in his chest of anger. He’d been working on managing his anger, working at keeping calm even in adverse situations. It was a skill he’d desperately needed to cultivate when it came to his program, where every other student was looking for a weakness to exploit. He slowly counted backward. His mother kept sipping her tea, his brother kept slurping his milk. He took a deep breath. “I know, Dad. I’m going to go to Grandma. She needs help...I can put in applications there just as easily as I can here. Grandma needs me more than some stupid corporation.”

“Sehun...she’ll be fine, she has a nurse to help her out,” his mother said.

He snorted, quickly losing his patience and ability to perform calming exercises of any variety. “Whatever. She needs her family. And clearly I’m the only one not stuck up my own ass long enough to go help her. So excuse me, I’m going to pack my things.” He turned on his heel, resisting the urge to stomp up the stairs like a child. 

Behind him, he could hear the vague mutterings of his parents, “what got into him?” “you know how he is.”

☁

Sehun sighed softly as he turned off the ignition, listening to the silence settle in around him. Grandma lived in a tiny little town near the ocean, and he was quickly reminded of just how small it was when he drove through it. The darkness of nightfall didn’t make it seem any larger. It was charming, if someone was inclined for that kind of a life. Sehun had always been more partial to the city, there was more to do and he liked the anonymity more than a place that prided itself on knowing every resident and their cat.

But he knew that it wasn’t about him, it was about his grandma. The street he parked on was quiet, like they all seemed to be, and was lined with trees and grass, with all of the houses and their perfectly manicured yards with flowers and cobble-stoned paths. But it was different from the kind he was used to, where his family and those of his friends would hire landscapers to come and take care of the yard. These houses looked like he might see a lady in a big hat kneeling in her flowers.

He snorted to himself, and slipped out of the car. He’d get his things later, not that he grabbed much. Namely, he had his camera and a few changes of clothes. The house he approached was small, with white siding and blue shutters on the windows, which he mostly knew from memory. The flowers looked like they’d seen better days even under the moonlight, but he didn’t know how long she’d been feeling unwell, after all. 

He knocked, waiting a few moments when he didn’t receive a response or hear any movements from beyond the door. Plucking the spare key from underneath the garden gnome, a spot he remembered well, he unlocked the door and slipped inside. The house was dark, all the drapes drawn closed. He didn’t like it, it felt like remembrance. “Grandma?” he called, not hearing anything.

He peered through the kitchen and into the backyard, not finding sight of her. He hummed to himself, and figured she’d be in bed. It was dark out, nightfall, and she could probably use the rest. He made his way down the hallway, the darkness covering everything. Raising a hand, he knocked lightly. No sound.

“Grandma?” he called, peering into the dark room. There was hardly any light, making everything beyond impossible to make out. From memory, he knew that the bed stretched horizontally from the door, and there was a long window on the other side that his grandmother would peer out of.  But the curtains must have been drawn tight, because no light came from the moon to help him.

He took a step inside, eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. He still couldn’t see much, just vague outlines of shapes. “Grandma? It’s Sehun...” he offered.

There was a creaking sound, followed by a sigh.

He took another couple of steps in, careful not to disturb too much. “Grandma...come on, wake up or I’m going to start burning your favorite sweater,” he joked.

He heard a soft snort. “Do that, boy, and I’ll remind you who you’re dealing with,” came the sound of a breathy voice near where he knew the bed to be. 

Relief flooded through him. He’d heard the sounds, of course, but part of him couldn’t help but fear the worst until he heard her speak. “Glad you haven’t lost all your spark.”

Suddenly, light flooded the room, and Sehun squinted his eyes at the sudden assault. He blinked a few times, having gotten too used to the darkness. “Well, what are you doing walking around in the dark like some robber?” his grandmother asked.

Now able to see, he made his way to her bed. He took in her face for a moment, she looked tired. Older than he remembered, and something about her skin tone was a hint of grey. He’d been warned, when he looked up the impact heart surgery had on people, he’d run across plenty of accounts of how the patients were grey and often bloated. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bother you too much.” He reached out, taking her hand in his, squeezing gently.

She smiled a little. “Honey, you never bother me. I’d be more upset if you didn’t wake me up. What brings you here?” she asked, casual as anything.

He ran his thumb over her knuckles, the skin crepey. “You, of course. Mom told me what happened. I’m staying a while, if that’s okay.”

She patted his hand. “Of course, honey. Is it just you?”

“Just me. Mom’s...busy I guess. And you know how Dad is,” he shrugged. 

“Oh, I know. What about that brother of yours?”

“I don’t know, he said he’s busy with work. And the wife. So it’s just me.”

“You’re more than enough, honey. I like it this way. But you’re so young, you’re going to get awfully bored in this little place.”

He leaned down, pressing his lips to her forehead. Her skin was clammy, and smooth. “Don’t worry about me so much, Grandma. I’m here to visit you and help you out,” he assured her.

She smiled, “If you insist. Maybe tomorrow you’ll get me some whiskey.”

He laughed. “Maybe, Gran.”

Sehun closed the door behind him with a soft click, and he released a quiet breath. She didn’t look good. He knew that it was silly to have expected her to, considering what she’d gone through, and yet he couldn’t help but expect her to appear the way he always saw her. Full of life, fiery. There were only hints of that, but he hoped that with him staying for a little while that maybe he could see that side begin to return.

He padded down the hallway and into the other bedroom. As usual, there were boxes of fabrics and decorative pieces all around, piled on the floor and on the desk. His grandma had taken up embellishing her sweaters - and any other piece of clothing she could get her hands on - at some point when he was still in middle school. From holidays and birthdays, he had a selection of oddly embellished clothes of his own, but he didn’t mind. He’d wear them when she came for visits, even if they went out to dinner.

Piling the boxes onto the floor in the corner, he left his bags at the foot of the bed with them. Exhaustion swept over him, tired from the day of traveling and worrying about what was going to happen when he saw her, and he climbed into the bed. She was okay, and that was enough for now. He ran his hand along his face, he didn’t know how this whole thing was going to go.

☁

“I’ll be back in a little bit, Gran,” he called, closing the front door behind him. Her nurse was over, looking after her to make sure that she was healing alright. They’d already grabbed a chance to catch up, where he told her about his college graduation that she hadn’t been able to make. He told her about his friends and their plans, what kind of jobs they’d gotten or what schools they were pursuing their graduate studies in. He told her about his brother and his wife, all mostly just to keep her smiling. She didn’t say that much in return, and he could tell by the way her eyes slipped closed that she was getting tired. So when the nurse came, he took the chance to leave for a little while and go see the town. There wasn’t much, but he knew it probably wouldn’t hurt to know where things were.

Leaving his car parked outside his grandmother’s house, he set off on foot. He doubted it would take long to walk all the way through the town and reach the outskirts again, but there was at least the ocean. It was a more subtle blue than he remembered from his younger days, but it was clearly marked on the horizon. It was probably visible from any spot around, which wasn’t the worst thing. He found himself heading for the shore, almost as though his feet had a destination of their own.

When he reached the beach, Sehun kicked his shoes off on the rocks, hardly anyone was around. Against the grey skies he could only see two figures, one was walking along the shore, holding onto the hat that rested on their head. The other, he couldn’t quite tell, the figure was hunched over something, perhaps deep in thought or doing something unseen. He heaved a sigh. He wasn’t sure what he should have been expecting with a town like this, his grandmother did always like the quiet.

Slowly, he walked into the sand, letting the cool grains crunch underneath his feet. All those years ago, he’d come here with his grandmother, spending their days laughing and building sandcastles. Neither of them were ever very good at it, and they always built them too close to the sea. Just as they would be looking for the finishing touches to add to their misshapen masterpiece, the tide would roll in and start to draw away their castle piece by piece. His grandmother would just laugh and hug him, and later when she told the story the castle would be described as twice as grand. 

He missed those days, missed seeing his grandmother laughing that way. Suddenly, cold water lapped at his toes, and he looked down. He’d walked in a daze, not realizing that he was at the water. He hummed quietly to himself, staring out at the horizon. Big puffy clouds filled the sky, grey and heavy with a rain that threatened to fall. 

A scratching sound came from somewhere nearby, and he turned slightly in curiosity. The other figure on the beach was there, drawing a brush across a canvas that lay on his lap. He didn’t look up as he worked, just kept dabbing his brush against a platter next to him, filled with paint, and then back to the canvas.

Sehun watched him quietly for a moment, watching the way his dark hair shifted with each minute movement. He was clearly focused on his painting, and curiosity sprung up. Slowly, so he wouldn’t surprise him, he walked a path around where the painter was working, circling back once he was behind him. His gaze flickered to the canvas, what wasn’t obscured by his back. Clouds danced across the canvas, nearly a mirror of the sky towering above them. They were dark, and hints of purple bloomed on one side.

“Curious?” the painter asked.

Sehun started slightly. He didn’t think he was noticing anything around him, and he didn’t think he was that close. “Oh...uh, sorry. You’re really good.” He didn’t know what else to say. 

The painter finally broke his trance, setting down the paintbrush and lifting his head. He turned, facing Sehun. “Thank you. You’re not from here.”

It wasn’t exactly a question. But Sehun still didn’t know how to respond. Before him sat one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen in his life. He had sun-kissed skin and deep dark eyes. “Oh, no...my grandmother lives here though. Why clouds?”

A hint of a smile crossed his lips, the corner of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. “Because they’re pretty, why else? What’s her name?”

There was something in the way he said those words that made Sehun wonder if there was something more to them. But he was in no position to push someone he’d just met. “Last name is Oh. She lives down on Dewberry.”

“Oh, yeah. She likes to buy persimmons, right?” the painter’s fingers reached again for his brush.

Sehun noticed that his fingers were stained blue, light speckles of color dotting his forearm up to the elbow. “Mm, yep, that’s her,” he agreed, remembering vaguely from years past that she’d have bowls full of them on the tables. “I’m Sehun.”

“Jongin,” he smiled.

God, he really was perfect. “Nice to meet you...sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your painting or anything.”

“I don’t mind, it’s not everyday we get new blood in this place. Are you planning on staying?” Jongin asked, dipping his brush into a pink color.

“I don’t think so. My grandma...she had heart surgery, so I’m taking care of her for a while. I graduated college and...well, here I am for a little bit.” He didn’t know why he wanted to say these words to him. Maybe he was fishing to know if Jongin was around his age, maybe he just needed to say the words aloud.

Short little brush strokes dotted the canvas. “I heard...about your grandma, I mean. Can I come visit her sometime?”

“Oh...sure, she’d probably like that.”

“Would you?”

Sehun blinked, lips parted in surprise. “I...yeah. Are you in school?”

Jongin glanced at him, dark eyes sparkling in the brightness of the day. “No, I just paint. But I think we’re around the same age, if that’s what you’re trying to figure out.”

He paused again, caught off guard. He wasn’t really used to people he’d just met being so blunt with him. “Sorry...I guess I was curious. I should probably leave you to the painting.” It seemed like he’d already begun to take up too much of his time.

“Are you in a rush? You can sit here if you want, take in the clouds, listen to the water,” Jongin said, brush never ceasing movement.

Sehun paused for a moment, considering. His grandma was likely asleep, and her nurse was there with her, she was set to be there the next few hours. He shrugged, and sat down on the sand. It was cool and soft underneath him, which was surprising in a way, just because he’d expected the sun to warm it up.”You come here a lot then?”

“Yes, most days.”

The silence stretched between them, and Sehun took a deep breath. The air was salty, something he could vaguely taste on his tongue. He wanted to say more, wanted to ask so many questions about this beautiful painter who he knew so little about. He’d met so many strangers, but there was something more to this one, at least for him. Maybe it was because he was so beautiful.

He wished that he’d remembered to bring his camera. He didn’t think that he’d see something so beautiful or perfect, his expectations were low, but now that he was gazing out at the water with the presence of the beautiful person beside him, it made sense. The waves met the shore in uneven patterns, crashing into the sand before retreating away. It was hypnotizing the longer he stared. He could hear the sound of a brush over canvas, and he began to imagine what the image looked like through Jongin’s eyes. The way the sky mirrored the waves, meeting at some far away point that was indiscernible. 

“Not so bad, is it?”

Sehun glanced to his side. Jongin didn’t look his way, his focus remained on the painting, but there was a faint smile on his lips. “It’s nice. I’m not usually the..nature kind of guy, to tell you the truth.”

“I could tell. What kind of guy are you then?”

He licked his lips, considering the question. “I’ve always been in cities, really. Unless I’m visiting my grandma in this town, but...I don’t know, I guess that was different. It’s been a while since I’ve been here.”

“So your days are filled with people and business and rushing off places? You didn’t go to school in a smaller town?”

He shook his head, though he didn’t even know if Jongin was looking in his direction. “No...still the city. Somehow I don’t think it ever even dawned on me that I could be anywhere else. I mean it did, briefly, but I dismissed it as being pretty dumb. And I’m still not convinced, don’t get me wrong. This town is kind of a downer.”

Jongin hummed, “You haven’t even seen this town.”

“How do you know?”

“A feeling, mostly. You don’t seem comfortable being here...like you’re intruding on the place,” Jongin said, toweling off his brush. “But that’s okay, maybe if you give it a chance you’ll see. It’s not so bad living a quiet life.”

“Have you been to a city?”

“I have. It’s been nice meeting you, Sehun. I have to get going, though. Hope to see you around.” He said it with a smile. 

“Oh, uh, you too…”

He made quick work of packing up his things, rolling the brushes into a length of canvas and stuffing his palette into a bag. He hoisted the canvas up, carrying it easily as he walked away, not looking back.

Sehun watched him until his figure disappeared down the streets. He was strange, no question, but he was intrigued anyway. Maybe a small town wouldn’t be so bad with someone like that around.

☁

“Here you go, Gran,” he said, setting down the hot cup on the table before taking the seat beside her.

They were on the porch of the house, his grandma saying that she needed to get some air, tired of being stuck indoors while she recovered. She wouldn’t let on how badly she felt, though. She’d just take her medicine and complain about something inconsequential, like what was on tv or that she’d lost her favorite sequins somewhere. Sehun would just smile and change the channel or go find her sequins, all while he kept stock of what the nurses said. There was only so much he could do to truly help, but he was there to make life a little easier.

“Thanks, sweetie. You bored of me yet?” she asked, gaze focused on the sweater in her hands. She was embellishing it with rows of pink rhinestones, he didn’t know yet if there was a pattern or design.

“Never. It’s nice here, so quiet,” he said, glancing down the street. It was quiet, as usual. The sky was blue for miles, empty of anything but the bright beaming sunlight. He hadn’t seen Jongin again in the few days he’d been there. He went once to the beach again, but it was only families around. The rest of the time he’d been running around finding things for his grandma, doing her shopping and taking care of any errands she needed done.

“Boring you mean, right? You don’t have to stay just on my account, you know, I’ll be just fine.”

She said similar things a number of times before, and he always wondered if she said them more for his comfort or her own. “Don’t talk crazy, I want to be here. It’s my summer vacation, I want to spend it with my favorite person.”

She laughed, reaching out to lightly pat his cheek. Her touch was cool. “Such a sweet talker. You found a fella yet?”

They’d had the talk long ago, when Sehun had barely understood it himself. They had been watching an episode of some crime show, and a gay couple were killed, and his grandma told him about what that meant. He’d frowned and admitted that he wanted to kiss boys instead of the girls in his class, and his grandma had just laughed and got him a fudge pop.

“No. I had a boyfriend for a while last year, but we broke things off. He got a little too clingy for my liking, started getting jealous of my friends and everything,” he shrugged, taking a drink of his tea.

“Oh that’s no good. Those are usually the types who are running around themselves. You’re better off, honey,” she said, fixing another rhinestone on.

He smiled a little, watching her. She was getting her strength back, little by little. “You’re right, Gran. Oh, I met someone who wanted to come say hi to you at some point. His name is Jongin?”

“Mm…painter boy, right? Where’d you run into that one?”

“On the beach a few days ago. He found out I’m your grandson and asked...I said it was fine, hope that’s okay.”

“Oh, sure, he’s a nice boy.”

“How long...has he lived here?” he asked, sipping at his tea. He was trying to seem casual, like he’d ask about anyone.

But his grandma was too clever for that. “He is a cutie, isn’t he?” she asked, a mischievous smile on her lips. “He’s been here some years now...I’m trying to remember. His family might have vacationed here before and then he moved? That might be someone else, but it sounds about right. I think he came after he finished high school. Don’t know why, really. Everyone has their guess.”

He hummed softly, curious. “Really? What do they think?”

“Well, some say he had a falling out with his family. Others say he’s some kind of mastermind - some say criminal, others say some...technology thing. But I don’t really know myself, he doesn’t work in town, far as I know. But he always seems to do fine for himself, so your guess is as good as mine,” she shrugged.

Of course, there were a dozen less nefarious possibilities than his grandma said, he knew that. It was also possible that he just worked from his home or worked in another town, but he doubted that was the kind of gossip a small town liked to hear. “Huh, interesting. He lives by himself?”

“You’ve really got it bad, don’t ya?” she smiled at him.

His lips parted in response, but words failed him. He shrugged, tapping his finger against his cup for a moment. “He’s just the only person I’ve met my age here,” he pointed out, trying to recover with some modicum of dignity still intact.

“Mhm, sure,” she said playfully, knowing. “As far as I know, it’s just him. He’s a quiet kid. Polite, but to my knowledge doesn’t really talk to people too terribly much.”

Somehow he didn’t know if that helped him. Jongin was a mystery, in too many ways. Even his grandma with all of her gossip didn’t seem to have any concrete answers, nothing more than a few idle speculations and vague memories.

☁

“City boy.”

Sehun turned at the sound of the voice, gaze falling on Jongin. “Oh, hi,” he said, sounding a little uncertain even to himself. He stood in the aisle of the market, eyeing a package of chips.

Jongin’s lips twitched in amusement. “Is today okay for your grandma?”

“Uh, sure, yeah.” He wanted to kick himself. He was being about as interesting as a wet rag, even though he yearned to say something more, wanted to say something interesting and mysterious. There were specks of paint on Jongin’s shirt, and all along his arms, dried in colors of grey and blue.

“Good. I’ll bring the persimmons, so don’t bother, okay? I’ll be over in about an hour,” he said, shifting his basket on his arm.

Sehun glanced at the chocolates and bags of apples in his basket. A sweet tooth. “You have a little…” he paused, reaching out before he could think it through, and brushed a finger against Jongin’s cheek where a fleck of black paint had dried. His skin was warm.

Jongin laughed, the sound as warm as his skin. “Thank you, Sehun. I’ll see you soon.”

And then he walked away again. Sehun sighed softly to himself, wishing he had been more interesting, or at least hadn’t made an idiot of himself. But he couldn’t deny, watching Jongin walk away wasn’t the worst thing either, it gave him the chance to admire the soft swell of his ass under his jeans.

“Ah, shit…” he snapped himself out of his trance, realizing he needed to get back to his grandma’s and make sure things were ready before Jongin showed up. Maybe it was silly, feeling like he needed to impress him. But he already felt like he’d made an idiot of himself both times he’d managed to speak with him.

When he got back, he hauled the bags into the kitchen and propped them on the counter. “Gran?” he called, wanting to warn her. He found her in the backyard, watering the flowers. She had her large gardening hat on, and she stood resolutely in the middle of all of her rose bushes, surrounded by shades of pink and orange, dashes of yellow and white dancing around. “Gran, what are you doing?”

She turned, glancing at him briefly. “What does it look like?”

“You should be relaxing,” he reminded her. At least this time she wasn’t trying to weed the garden, so it was some sort of progress.

“Come on, honey, I can’t just sit around all the time. That’s how these old folks stay old. I need to move and do stuff, it makes me feel normal.”

He watched her for a moment, watching the stream of water fall along the soil and bushes. “Okay, Gran. You have a visitor coming soon, okay?”

“I do? Who? I don’t remember anyone.”

“Jongin...I ran into him at the market, he asked if it would be okay. I said it was...I don’t have his number or I’d offer to call and cancel for you,” he said, shifting his weight as he watched her. She didn’t seem to be in the best mood, maybe inviting someone over wasn’t the best idea.

She tutted, turning off the hose. “Well, if we have company coming, I better get myself ready. After all, you’re trying to make a good impression, right?” she asked, winking at him.

Sehun could feel warmth grow in his face, flush with embarrassment. “Okay...let me know if you need help, I’ll put stuff away,” he mumbled.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door. His grandma had put on one of her sweaters, a large white cardigan with rhinestone bluebirds scattered around it, and was sitting in her recliner. He brushed his hand through his hair and opened the door. 

Jongin stood with a smile, paint still flecked over his arms and shirt. “Hi, city boy.”

“Hey, Jongin...come on in,” he stood to the side to let him pass. Jongin’s arm brushed against his as he passed him, and a tingle ran down his spine. He wondered if Jongin felt that too. 

“Hi, Miss Oh. I brought you a little gift,” Jongin said, holding up the little basket in his hand, full of persimmons.

“Well aren’t you just a doll?” she said, a smile on her face. “Whiskey might have been even better.”

Sehun couldn’t help but notice that she looked tired.

Jongin laughed, “I’ll remember that for next time. How are you feeling?”

He took the basket into the kitchen, waiting on the water to boil for tea. He could hear the murmurings of their conversation in the other room. He could hear that his grandma sounded about like her usual self, mischievous and playful, and Jongin sounded polite. Glad for something to do while they spoke, he filled the cups and waited on the steeping process. As he waited, he filled a little pitcher with milk, and set out the sugar bowl onto the tray. He’d quickly figured out that his grandma expected tea for all guests, and if he didn’t just rush and make it she’d insist on doing it herself.

When it had been a few minutes, and the cups were turning dark, he brought the tray into the living room, setting it down. “Need anything, Gran? Jongin?”

“You just sit down and enjoy this nice young man’s company,” she assured him, waving her hand dismissively.

Sehun shook his head and took a seat. It didn’t really matter much what he did, they kept talking. He listened as she told him about her surgery and how silly she thought the doctor’s orders were, and he amused her with questions about her sweater and how she was staying busy. Sehun plucked his camera up from the table, flitting through the settings for a moment before he raised it and snapped a few photos. 

The sound of the shutter caused the conversation to pause, and they turned to look at him. He snapped another photo.

Jongin’s lips twitched, “So you’re a photographer?”

“Oh, yes, he is. Always taking photos of something or another. I told him he should go to work for one of those travel magazines, but he’s always telling me it isn’t the practical thing. His dad got to him, you know how they are,” she tutted.

Jongin’s gaze remained on him, watching him carefully. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re all a little brainwashed, aren’t we?” he mused, looking at the screen to see the previews of the photos. He caught Jongin smiling, that was enough.

“Sometimes. Sometimes we can reprogram ourselves,” Jongin said, taking his cup of tea.

Sehun noted that he took it with milk and sugar. “Hm, if we try hard enough I guess that’s true.” He glanced up and caught the gaze of his grandma. There was a smile on her lips, something knowing, even a little smug. He returned to his camera.

☁

He began to see Jongin more frequently after the visit to his grandmother. First he’d see him whenever he passed the beach, where Jongin would always be sitting, canvas and paints around him on the sand. Sometimes Sehun would stop and they’d talk about nothing for a few minutes, the weather and how his grandma was recovering. He’d ask how he managed to deal with the sand getting into his canvases, and Jongin would laugh and say it added a little bit of realism to them. 

Every time, the paintings would feature clouds. Small clouds, large clouds, clouds that took over the entire sky. Sometimes they’d be grey, other times white against a blue sky, and other times they’d be shades of pink and orange against a fiery sunset. He never knew what kind of clouds Jongin would be painting, just that they’d always be there. He’d caught on that they didn’t always need to reflect the weather around them either, and Jongin would say sometimes he just felt like he needed the snow. 

There was something tantalizing about watching Jongin work. He was always so confident with his brushstrokes, unafraid to sweep large swaths of color over the canvas. Sometimes he’d go in with a tiny little brush and add in little lines and colors that Sehun didn’t even see until he looked closer. 

And Sehun would take photos. Of the town, of the beach, of Jongin painting away in his makeshift studio. He wondered often why he came to the beach to paint, since it had to be more convenient to use a studio instead. But he didn’t ask, because he didn’t want to jinx it and cause Jongin to fold up and leave. At least this way he knew where to find him. 

Sometimes he’d only catch Jongin at the end of his painting sessions, already packing up his things. He’d try not to show his disappointment, and Jongin would always stay for a few extra minutes just talking. And sometimes they’d walk together, down to the end of Dewberry, where Jongin would head further into town and Sehun would keep walking.

☁

It was a hot day, the sun shining brightly over the town. Billowy clouds littered the sky, providing little havens of shade whenever they’d pass over the sun for moments at a time. He called out to his grandma that he’d be back later, since her nurse was there in the backyard with her, taking care of the flowers. 

His grandma asked about Jongin often, always asking if Sehun saw him whenever he left the house. And Sehun did his best to pass along what he could, but some pieces of Jongin he liked to hold close to his chest. He didn’t know why, not really, when he’d never had any indication of anything more. But sometimes that didn’t matter, not when he felt the clutching in his chest at the mere thought of him. That he could hold onto for a little while, considering everything else just made him feel hopeless and lost. 

He couldn’t help but smile a little when he caught sight of Jongin’s figure on the beach, hunched over a canvas as usual. Walking through the sand, he didn’t even bother to announce his presence, just dropped down to sit nearby, setting his camera in the sand.

“Hey, I was wondering if you were coming today,” Jongin greeted, shooting him a smile as he kept painting.

Sehun smiled back. “Of course, the beach is the perfect place to just…get away for a few minutes.”

“Mm…it is. The perfect place for it, really. How’s your grandma?”

“She’s good. With the nurse now…I think she’s really improving,” he said. He was glad too, that her zest for life hasn’t gone anywhere. She was regaining her coloring again, and had more energy than to nap multiple times a day, so he considered that a success.

“Yeah? I’m so happy to hear it. I…was wondering,” Jongin started, pausing for a moment to wipe his brush. 

Sehun watched him carefully. Normally, Jongin was the sure one, and Sehun was the one who second guessed himself before speaking. “About what?” he prodded. 

“Do you…know how long you’ll be staying?” Jongin asked, pausing his movements.

He shrugged. “I don’t really…haven’t thought about it. I guess it depends on Gran.”

“Ah…that’s understandable. You don’t have something else lined up?”

If he didn’t know any better, it sounded a bit like Jongin was fishing for something. “I don’t know. My dad wants me to look for jobs and everything, but…I don’t know if I want to.”

“Don’t want to? Why not?” Jongin resumed his painting, brushing in short strokes.

“It’s just pointless,” he shrugged, not really wanting to unload his scattered thoughts to Jongin. They weren’t important enough.

“Come on, I’m curious. What’s pointless? I won’t think it’s silly.”

Sehun considered for a moment. It was probably pointless, but Jongin wanted to know. So who was he to refuse. “Because it all just...doesn’t mean anything. Everyone I know works so hard, we practically kill ourselves to get the best grades, to get the best job, to have the best life, and I don’t even know if any of us even...care about the shit we keep saying we do. It’s just what everyone keeps shoving down our throats, that we have to be this and that, and I hate it.” Sehun scooped up handfuls of sand as he spoke, letting it fall through his fingers in a steady stream.

“That doesn’t seem like much of a way to live,” Jongin said, humming softly.

Sehun glanced to the side, watching as his brushes swept over his canvas, unceasing in his painting. He knew Jongin was listening, he always did. “It isn’t, I guess. I just don’t know what the alternative is.”

“The way I see it,” Jongin paused, focusing his gaze on him, brush still poised in his fingers, “We all have a choice about what life we live. Sure, that’s the expectation, but it isn’t your only choice. Look at your grandma. She grew up with the same ideas as you, similar pressure to be a certain way. And maybe she played the game a while, but then what did she do? She came here, and decided she was going to live simply, without all the pressure and just enjoy herself for once.”

Sehun hummed, burying his hand in the sand. It was cool and coarse. “I guess so. But people expect that when you get older, right? What about you? Don’t you have things you want to do?”

Jongin smiled a little, setting his paintbrush down on his palette. He turned the canvas around, “This is what I want to do.”

Sehun’s breath caught, taking in the sweeping clouds of Jongin’s painting. They were stormy and dark, greys and deep blues taking over most of the canvas in sprawling skies. But there was more than just the clouds this time, there was a hint of grey-tinted water and a figure sitting on sand. He couldn’t see the figure, it was painted in only black, just the silhouette of a person sitting curled up on themself, watching the sky. It was a sharp contrast to the bright blue skies that surrounded them.

“You don’t care if...it’s practical or not?” He asked, though he felt bad about it immediately. He should have told him how beautiful it was, how talented he was.

Jongin’s gaze flickered downward for a moment, a look almost like disappointment passing briefly. “No. It’s what I love. If I went out there and tried to pretend to be a big hotshot in the city, it would be lying about who I am. I’m a painter, and when I’m here I can paint forever. What more could I really want?”

Sehun grabbed the camera near his leg, aiming it at Jongin. Jongin’s expression remained unchanged as he held the canvas and Sehun pressed the shutter.

☁

“What do you like about your sweaters?” Sehun asked suddenly. 

It was evening, and his grandma was sitting in her recliner, embellishing a black sweater with swans. She’d been so excited when the patches arrived, and immediately sat down to start sewing them on. He knew her well, though, and he counted the stitches until she’d start adding rhinestones or sequins to it as well. After all, things could never be too sparkly. 

“What do you mean?” She hardly glanced up from her work. 

There was a crime show on the tv, an old rerun that she’d probably seen a hundred times. Even when he was in the city, Sehun would find himself switching over to those shows, something strangely comforting about them even when they detailed horrific things. But he supposed it was because of his grandma.

“Like…what inspires you to keep doing them? You wear a lot of them, and you give some away, but…why?”

“You trying to tell me you hate them?” She peered at him skeptically, eyes narrowing, though her tone remained playful.

He smiled. “I could never hate rhinestone pigs on a sweater, Gran. I was just curious.”

“Hm, you young people. Something always has to be an inspiration and all that,” she tutted, dragging the thread through. “I don’t think there’s much reason, really. I think it’s good to have fun with life. I’m old, people don’t care what kind of kooky things you do when you’re old. When I was young, I only wore boring clothes…I guess I figured no one could tell me what to do anymore.”

He took a drink of the cup of tea he’d poured for himself. “That makes sense. Do you think you’d have been happier if you hadn’t listened to people in the first place?”

She paused, looking at him. “Probably so. Something on your mind I take it?”

He shrugged. “I guess. I’ve just been thinking about what Mom and Dad are always saying. I figured that was just…normal life, what everyone dealt with. But it also just seems like a waste. You spent your whole life being a perfect lady of society and all that, and for what? So you could be happy only after?”

She laughed, a harsh sound that ended in a hacking cough. “Ah, you kids. I was plenty happy, honey, don’t mistake that. I had beautiful children, and a good husband - god rest his soul. Sometimes a simple life is better for us, sometimes it isn’t. I can’t tell you what to do, honey, but I can tell you that you’ll be okay whatever you end up doing.”

He hummed softly, considering her words. “Thanks, Gran. You really are the best.” 

☁

Slowly, Sehun began to recognize people within the town, and they began to recognize him in return. They knew him as the grandson of Mrs. Oh on Dewberry, and he would nod at them politely as he moved along. It was new, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. After all, in the city, everyone just pretty much ignored each other. He’d been going to the same bakery every week from the time he was in middle school, and the owner still hardly said two words to him. 

But here, he could walk into the coffee shop and the barista would always be smiling, and ask a quick, “A cappuccino and an iced coffee work for you today?” And he could just mutter that it was fine, not being used to people remembering his orders. 

He went to the market, and one of the grocers would always point him to the persimmons followed by letting him know they’d just gotten in the energy drinks he liked. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it certainly stripped away any visage of anonymity he’d grown used to in the city.

“I should show you around some more,” Jongin said suddenly, one day when they sat on the beach. 

Sehun glanced up from his camera, where he’d been snapping shots of the waves and the patterns they made in the sand. “Huh?”

“You heard me. Your grandma can’t really do it, so let me. It’ll be fun, I might get to show you something you haven’t seen yet, come on,” he said, smiling in that way he had. 

The way that Sehun had a very difficult time saying no to. “I guess so…it can’t hurt. Maybe…Thursday? Gran has the nurse most of the day then,” he suggested. Normally he only spent time with Jongin when he could escape for a couple of hours, when his grandma was with the nurse or occupied for a little while and didn’t need him constantly.

“Okay, let’s start bright and early then. If you can, of course.”

Sehun agreed, and made a note to talk with the nurse about staying longer that day. Something in the pit of his stomach knotted at the idea of spending a full day with Jongin. He wanted to see him constantly, increasingly often. But it just wasn’t possible most of the time. 

That Thursday, Sehun met Jongin at the coffee shop. It was the only one in town, and he was greeted with the usual friendly smile from the barista. “Hiya. Cappuccino and an iced coffee for you today?”

Jongin was already sitting at the bar, and he laughed. “I see you’ve already made yourself very comfortable here,” he teased. 

“Just the iced coffee today, please,” he said, feeling a touch embarrassed.

“Oh, you two know each other?

“I, uh…sort of,” Sehun mumbled.

“We do, we’re good friends,” Jongin interceded. When Sehun say down on the chair next to his, Jongin continued, “We’ll get started after this, I just figure every good outing needs a little coffee to really get us in the mood you know?”

Sehun nodded, “Definitely, can never go wrong with coffee.”

“Not much of a morning person are you, city boy?” Jongin smiled.

He snorted, “You can tell? Sorry, I’m still trying to wake up. I’ll be better in…oh, about three hours.”

Jongin laughed. “We can do better than that.”

When they finished their coffee, Jongin took him on a walking tour of the town. Sehun had seen most of it given the size of the place, but Jongin told him little details about each one. The banker was married to the local real estate agent, the cook at the diner also ran a daycare on weekends, and similar details. Sehun listened for the most part, asking occasionally what Jongin’s favorite items were from the bakery and where he purchased his supplies.

But mostly Sehun was happy to be out with him, to spend the day walking beside Jongin and listening to him talk. There was a cool breeze that kept sweeping over them, bringing in rolling thick clouds. 

“It might rain,” Jongin mused, glancing upward.

They were in the town center, where a cobblestone court surrounded a large fountain. “Should we head back?”

“Are you afraid of a little rain?” Jongin smiled.

He snorted. “No, but most people don’t want to just hang out and get rained on.”

Jongin hummed, “I do. Come on, there’s one last place I really want you to see.”

As they walked away from the square and main street, Sehun’s urge to ask Jongin about himself grew too great. “So…what made you move here? How long have you been here?” he realized perhaps he’d given himself away, that he’d asked about him and knew he wasn’t born and raised in the town. 

“A few years now. Pretty much when high school ended, I decided to move somewhere quiet. My family didn’t really get it,” he shrugged. 

“Really? Why not?”

Jongin glanced at him. “Mm…they’re not the kind of people who could handle small town living. They like things busy, and they like their money too much to ever even think about it.”

So he came from money, he somehow didn’t expect that. “Huh…why here?”

“We came here once on a vacation. I was about, oh, 13 and my dad was told he needed to take a break for his blood pressure. My mom looked up small seaside towns and they ended up picking this one. My parents hated it terribly, to tell you the truth, but I liked it.” Jongin pointed at a small overhang up a hill, indicating their destination.

“What did you like about it? I mean at 13, most kids aren’t exactly looking for a quiet place to live. Most want a city and things to do, right?” He couldn’t say he was any different, he liked the chaos of a city. Small town living just dragged, and time seemed to stretch forever.

Jongin’s lips twitched in amusement. “I can’t say I’ve ever been normal,” he admitted. “I just thought there wasn’t much other choice before I came here, I figured cities just go with the territory of growing up, and some things put life in perspective later…so this place seemed like the clear solution. Everyone knows everyone here. Which is a pain sometimes, but it’s also safe, and no one cares if I just paint all day long.”

They’d reached the top of the hill, and Jongin spread his arms wide, taking it all in. A few sprinkles had begun to fall, but it hadn’t come down like Sehun had feared. From the top of the hill, he could see the town. The little houses and main street, the ocean and the town square. “It’s beautiful,” he said softly, though his gaze fell on Jongin. There was such a perfect, beautiful smile on his face.

“Isn’t it? Sometimes at night I like to come here, look at the stars. You can see so many, it’s just…wild. Makes you feel so small.”

“You really love the sky, don’t you?”

Jongin laughed. “I guess I do. Want to come out with me one night?”

In the city sometimes, he liked going up on people’s rooftop spaces and look at the stars. But that was different, the lights of the city dulled the shine of the stars and it would only be inevitable that someone would bother him. “Sure. Thank you for this, Jongin. It’s really…a pretty interesting place.”

“It is…it’s nice that you’re here to see it.”

☁

It was a few nights later that they were able to have their little star adventure. Sehun had asked his grandma if she’d be alright if he went out for a few hours that night, and she’d laughed and said to go on ahead. She was doing better, which he was thankful for, and could get around better. Plus, she’d probably be in bed, he knew. But he still had his phone on high in case she needed him for anything.

Just as he’d suspected, when they laid out on the overlook, there were millions of points of light dotting the sky. It was so much more than he could ever see in the city. While he’d noticed the clear night skies from his grandma’s porch, it was different here, away from even the small lights of the houses along the way. He imagined the view from the beach would be similarly breathtaking.

Sehun glanced to his side, outlining Jongin’s features with his gaze. He was staring up at the stars, his big dark eyes unreadable, lips curved slightly in the faintest hint of a smile. He could feel the warmth of Jongin close to him, their shoulders almost touching. His fingers itched to find Jongin’s hand, not far from him on the grass. But he was a coward. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sehun asked. 

Jongin turned away from the sky, leveling his gaze at Sehun. “You. Me. What are the odds that we met?”

He glanced away, unable to handle Jongin’s heavy gaze. Something in his eyes always made him feel exposed, like Jongin could see right through him. “Mm...I don’t know. I guess we’re just...lucky. Maybe Gran is a psychic,” he mused, trying to lighten the moment. Sometimes Jongin seemed to get in moods that were just so intense, he’d watch him so carefully and wait with bated breath on answers to questions that Sehun didn’t know were so important.

“Could be…do you believe in fate?”

“No.” Sehun returned to looking at Jongin. “We make our own fate.”

“Really? I wonder. Some people say that fate is written on the stars, did you know that?”

Sehun shrugged, “I mean I guess I’ve heard something like that.” Not that it meant he believed it.

“I wonder if it’s true. I mean...the stars we’re looking at right now, some of them are already gone. They’ve burned up and exploded years ago, but we won’t know it. Maybe they already know what’s going to happen, we just don’t know until it’s already there,” Jongin mused.

Sehun hummed softly, considering. He didn’t know what this mood was, exactly, and even less did he know how to respond. Jongin thought about things that Sehun never even bothered to give a passing thought to. “What do you think they’re saying about us?”

A smile slipped onto Jongin’s face. “Us?” he asked, voice playful. Suddenly, he grabbed Sehun’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I think they’re saying that we’re both finally where we’re meant to be.”

Sehun’s breath caught in his throat. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve never had a friend like you, Sehun,” he said.

Friend. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that word, when all he wanted was to lean over and kiss him. “Oh. Yeah, maybe. But I’ll have to go back at some point...resume life and all,” he said, squeezing Jongin’s hand a little less tight now.

“What is this? Is it not life? Are we not real?” Jongin asked, holding on tighter.

Sehun turned away, focusing on the clouds and stars above. “I don’t know what’s real.”

“Then let me help you,” Jongin suddenly said. “We’re going to make you feel alive, no matter what. Because I know this is real. Can you feel the heat of my hand? The dew on your back?”

“Well, of course-”

Jongin leaned in, pressing his lips to his cheek. “Was that real?”

His entire body felt like it was on fire, burning from the touch of his lips. “Yes,” he whispered, somehow afraid that if he spoke louder he might ruin everything.

Jongin’s lips curved in amusement, and he leaned in, their faces so close together. He could feel Jongin’s breath. “What’s real is what we make it, Sehun. I could be a passing dream for you, or I could be reality. It’s all in your mind,” he said, voice also hardly more than a whisper. His hand found it’s way to Sehun’s chest, right above his heart.

“You are real,” he said, wanting to lean up and press his lips against Jongin’s. 

But before he got the chance, Jongin rolled onto his back again, staring at the sky. “Good. You’re real too, Sehun.”

☁

“I’ll be back later, Gran. Do you need anything?”

She settled herself into bed, adjusting for her nap. “Maybe you could pop by the bakery and get me some of those pastries I like for tomorrow’s breakfast.”

“Sure,” he agreed, and stepped into the little room to place a kiss on her forehead. “Have a nice nap.”

“Have fun with the painter.”

It wasn’t like it was a secret or anything, he wasn’t trying to hide that he’d been visiting Jongin increasingly often. But he somehow still didn’t expect her to just say it so bluntly. “I will,” he offered quietly

Jongin was already set up on the beach, though Sehun really didn’t know how early he got there. He didn’t seem to be at work this time, and he had more supplies around. He stopped before reaching the sand, and grabbed his camera from around his neck. He aimed at Jongin’s back, his silhouette looking peaceful on a quiet beach. The waves were blue and quiet, and he snapped a photo.

Jongin turned partly to see him, and Sehun snapped again. He laughed, “What are you doing?” 

But Sehun just snapped another photo, capturing that wonderful laugh. He snapped a couple more, just to be safe, before lowering the camera. “Sorry…it was a good shot,” he said, finally stepping into the cool sand.

Jongin shook his head, “Photographers.”

“You’re hardly any better,” he teased. 

“True. Come here, sit down. I want to do something new today.” Jongin patted the sand next to him. 

Sehun sat, eyeing him curiously. Usually Jongin didn’t really tell him what he was working on or his plans, he was usually mid-painting by the time he arrived, and rarely did Sehun even end up seeing the final product. “What’s this new thing?”

“You. You’re painting with me today, what do you say?”

Sehun frowned slightly. “I’m not really a painter. I take photos, not y’know…make them.”

Jongin laughed, airy and carefree. “That doesn’t matter. Painting is fun, it’s a process. You don’t have to be the next art sensation for it to be worth your time.”

He still wasn’t sold. When he had to take an art class in school, he was usually scolded for making everything look muddy and weird, and his proportions were always off. He’d have a tree the size of half the page and a house that only took up an inch of space. But Jongin had that determined look on his face, the one that he was quickly learning meant he wasn’t going to relent. “I guess I can try…but why?”

“Because it’ll keep your mind from running wild. You focus on things being just right from the start, but painting it’s pretty much never right until the very end. I want to push you out of your element, and it’ll be fun.”

“Do we have to do clouds?” 

Jongin laughed. “Your call, but I highly recommend it if you’d like my input.”

He snorted, and slipped off his jacket, laying it down in the sand behind him. Jongin already had some paints dropped on a palette for him, and a new set of brushes. Clearly he hadn’t been anticipating rejection. “Do I just…start?” He took one of the brushes, frowning a little at the blank canvas. 

“Of course. Start wherever you want, just enjoy it.” Jongin had already begun to spread a layer of pink onto his canvas, no hesitation or uncertainty in his actions.

Sehun blinked a few times, turning to look at the sky in some kind of hope for inspiration. To his dismay, however, it was clear and blue, no cloud in sight. Hardly enough to draw inspiration from. He twirled the brush in his hand, trying to decide. “I don’t know what to paint,” he finally admitted. 

Jongin glanced up, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Really?”

“I mean…I guess I’ll do sky, or something like that…but I don’t really know what to do.”

“Think about a special memory you have, or a fantasy of something. Paint it. What would the sky look like if there was a meteor coming down to take us all out? What would an alien’s sky look like? Or the sky in a fairy realm. Paint the ocean, or a field of flowers, paint your grandma.” His suggestions came as he continued to paint, adding purple to the pink layers of his painting.

He hummed quietly. It was helpful advice, he knew that in every conceivable way, but at the same time he didn’t feel better considering the host of options. “I…okay. But not my grandma, she’s been through too much, she shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of my painting too.”

Jongin laughed, bumping his shoulder with his. “Don’t be so critical. It’ll be great.”

Sehun wasn’t nearly so convinced. He pondered for a moment about Jongin’s advice. Of the more recent special memories, he supposed it would be spending time with Jongin. Both at night and on the beach. He hummed, suddenly having an idea. With a thin brush, he slowly divided the canvas into four equal lengths.

He began in the first section, carefully painting in a dark indigo shade, when it was coated, he began to paint little points of light, and frowned a little. “I don’t think this is turning out right.”

“Trust yourself, Sehun. You know what it is you want to paint, it might take a little trial and error but you know how to get there,” Jongin said softly

He took a deep breath, peeking at Jongin’s. His was already looking beautiful, a sunset gradient taken over. He was just beginning to dip into the white, and he watched for a moment as he brushed in little circle motions to make fluffy clouds. Turning back to his own painting, he hummed. He wanted to make the first quadrant look like the stars back home, sparse and covered in a layer of duskiness he hadn’t noticed until seeing the sky so clearly. “How do I make something look kind of like a streetlight?” he asked, puzzling.

“I’d start with the center color and diffuse it over the dark colors,” Jongin said. He took the brush from Sehun’s fingers, grabbing a piece of napkin to show him what he meant. 

It took a few tries for Sehun to begin to get into the process, having to stop and ask for Jongin’s help whenever he was trying to do something specific. He completely forgot about the time, just knew that by the time the sun was starting to set it had been much longer than he’d intended to be gone. “Oh, shit, I should…go,” he said.

Jongin glanced up. “How did you like this?” he asked. 

Sehun smiled a little, looking down at the painting. “It was a lot of fun. Thank you for making me do this…I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I was going to.”

“Good. I liked it too. What are the four panels? If you don’t mind telling me, or if you’re in too much of a rush,” he said, not unkind. Then again, Jongin didn’t ever seem particularly unkind.

“Oh, it’s…kind of embarrassing I guess. But you know…the one is like the sky in the city, this one is supposed to be like…when we looked at the stars, this one is supposed to be the sky here…and you know, the last one I thought it would just be fun for Gran. It’s like…supposed to be the way she does her sweaters,” he said, feeling himself flush. It felt silly.

But Jongin just smiled. “I love it. I really do…I can see how much you really love her. These are beautiful, Sehun.”

Sehun knew better. They were nowhere near perfect, and were akin more to something a young child would do. The sweater didn’t look like a sweater, and his clouds looked more like blobs, but he couldn’t deny that it had been fun. “Thank you. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Jongin waved, and Sehun walked off to grab the pastries for his grandma before the bakery closed. He realized only after he’d left already that he should have asked about Jongin’s.

☁

“Can I take your photo?” Sehun suddenly asked.

The day was drizzly and cold, and Sehun had to wear a jacket even over his sweater. For summertime, the town could really get cold sometimes. But his grandma said that was the trade-off for living so close to the sea, everything was always a little bit cooler because of the water. 

Jongin wasn’t painting that day, saying that it might get ruined from the rain. But Sehun was happy that he still showed up. “You do it anyway, usually,” he pointed out, though he didn’t seem bothered by that fact.

Sehun shrugged. “I know. But this time I want you to actually…know, and be part of it. Come on, I painted with you, won’t you be my muse for a while?”

There was a flash of something in Jongin’s eyes, something that Sehun couldn’t quite identify. But it was gone in a second. “I guess so, sure. But I don’t do nudes.” He laughed. 

Sehun smiled, but of course the very notion of seeing Jongin naked was making him feel a little warm. “Come on, Gran has beautiful roses, they’ll be really nice,” he assured him. 

They walked together down Dewberry street, the rain still sprinkling on them intermittently. It was the kind of rain that was more of a mist, but soaked clothes all the way through in no time. Jongin was bundled in a thick sweater that Sehun thought made him look cute and cuddly. It was grey and knit, and Sehun wanted to hold him and keep him warm through the strange weather.

But they only remained in comfortable silence. Sehun lead Jongin into the house, “Gran? You awake?” he asked, not sure since he wasn’t gone as long as he normally was. On receiving no answer, he slipped into the hall and peered into her room to check on her. There she was, all huddled under her blankets. She looked so small and frail under the blanket, and he stepped in to lift it higher around her, making sure she didn’t get too cold. He counted her breaths, making sure she was fine before he slipped back out, closing the door with a soft click.

He found Jongin already out the back door, staring out at the garden. “Nice, isn’t it?”

“Beautiful. Is she doing okay?”

“Yeah, she’s still sleeping. She seems to be getting stronger, which is good.” He grabbed the camera around his neck, adjusting the parameters and shooting a couple of shots to get the lighting right.

“It’s so nice how much you care for her. She’s lucky,” Jongin said, leaning against the column of the porch.

Sehun hummed, and snapped a quick shot of him where he was standing. “I’m the lucky one, really. Gran is the best, I’m just…glad nothing worse happened.”

Jongin turned to him and smiled, “You're both lucky.”

Click. “Maybe. Go ahead, go stand over there by the red ones,” he gestured to the tall bush.

Jongin glanced at it before he walked over, standing a bit awkwardly. “I don’t really…know how to pose or anything, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. You got me to let go with painting, this is the same thing. Just be natural, be yourself. Don’t think too hard about what the photo is going to look like,” he instructed, positioning the camera so he could capture him.

Jongin looked around, a little lost. Click. Click. “Hey, I wasn’t ready,” he said, laughing.

“That’s the idea.” Click.

“Okay, okay.” After a few more minutes of Jongin looking unsure of himself, he started to loosen up and have fun, with Sehun’s pushing. He smiled at the camera, and smelled the roses, kneeling down where Sehun would gesture.

Sehun kept up a string of praises for him the entire time, how he was going great and looked good, how he had to be a natural. Jongin would just shake his head, like he didn’t believe a word Sehun was saying. There was a crack of thunder, and Jongin looked up at the sky, lips parted and eyes wide. Click . And then the rain began in earnest, the skies opening up and thick drops started to pelt Jongin and the roses.

Jongin laughed, “It’s cold.”

“You’re beautiful.” The words slipped out before he’d even realized it.

There was a pause, where neither of them moved for a few moments. Slowly, Jongin smiled. “You think I’m beautiful?”

Sehun watched, taking in the way his damp hair fell into his eyes, the way his dark eyes watched him so carefully. He took in his full lips, tan skin, broad shoulders. “I do. Very much.” He lowered his camera.

Jongin crossed the yard in a few steps, getting under the shelter of the porch. “I think you are too.”

He couldn’t help it, watching Jongin look so uncertain and shy, he wanted to give everything to make him feel better. He wanted Jongin to see what he saw when he looked at him. Quietly, he set his camera down onto a table, and let the back of his fingers run along Jongin’s cheek. His skin was so warm even though he’d been standing in the rain. Jongin kept watching him silently.

He leaned in, pushing away the doubts and uncertainties that tried to let themselves in and be known. Their lips met softly, unsure. Jongin was warm, and it was only awkward for a moment before Jongin kissed him back. Sehun pulled Jongin into his arms, holding their bodies flush together, even though the dampness from Jongin’s sweater was seeping into his clothes. It didn’t matter when they kissed, because Jongin’s lips kept moving against his, his tongue was soft and gentle. 

It felt like time stopped, even though Sehun knew that was cliche, and he knew it was wrong. But nothing mattered more than that beautiful person in his arms, and the soft little sounds he made into his mouth. He could have kissed him forever.

Only suddenly, a crack of thunder split the silence. Jongin jumped, startling away. They looked out, and watched as the rain began to fall in sheets, pouring down from dark grey storm clouds. 

Jongin began to laugh, and Sehun followed. Soon they were laughing so hard their stomachs hurt, and Sehun had to hold onto Jongin to keep him from falling over on the porch. 

“You boys are gonna catch your death out there,” came the sound of his grandma’s voice. 

That just made them laugh harder.

☁

After that, Sehun was more vigilant about needing to go see Jongin. He knew perhaps it was also a cliche, but he couldn’t get enough of him. He’d still go and see him during his grandma’s naps and whenever the nurse was around, but it had also stretched to seeing him more often late at night.

They’d still sit on the beach and talk, and Jongin would paint the skies while Sehun would take photos every now and again. But now it was also something else, something more. They’d sit closer, and jongin would sometimes reach over and take Sehun’s hand instead of painting. 

And when they met at night, they’d watch the stars and kiss. Sehun often found himself dreaming about those moments, when he could hold Jongin close and kiss him breathless. 

Jongin was always so pliant and giving in his arms, holding Sehun close or straddling his lap. And he’d just melt into his touch as they kissed for what felt like hours. They’d talk between, about the stars and the cool breezes that always came to them in the darkness. 

Sometimes, Jongin would visit Sehun and his grandma as well. She was always happy to see him, and would talk with him while she worked on another sweater, and he’d tell her about what was going on around town. Sehun would often sit and listen to them talk, just sipping his tea and getting up to get them more hot water and cookies.

“I think I’m getting stronger than ever,” she said one evening, sewing in a line of green sequins on a white cardigan. 

“Yeah? Your doctors are happy?” Jongin asked. 

“Oh, doctors. You know how they are. They know I’m doing just fine too, gonna be back to my normal self before you know it.”

“I can’t wait,” Sehun added.

Jongin turned to look at him, an unreadable sort of look in his eyes. He didn’t quite look happy, almost like he was on the verge of saying something. But then it was gone, and Jongin took a drink of his tea, wrapping both hands around the ceramic cup. “I bet Mr. J will be excited.”

“Who’s Mr. J?” Sehun asked. 

His grandma waved a hand, “Oh, he’s no one. You know, works in the gardening center? He’s always trying to get me to go on a date with him.”

Sehun smiled a little. “Why don’t you, Gran?”

“I’m a kooky old lady, why do I need to go on dates anymore?” she asked, but she stopped her stitching. She always seemed to do that when she was deep in thought. 

“You’re never too old for love,” Jongin said, “Or too kooky.”

She laughed humorlessly. “Love is for you kids. Plus where has he been all this time? The whole damn country knows about my heart by now, he hasn’t even popped by.”

“Want me to ask him?”

She frowned. “You will do no such thing.”

Sehun shook his head. “I’m just really happy you’re doing better.”

☁

Over the next couple of days, Jongin wasn’t at the beach. Sehun would sit and wait, thinking maybe he’d show up. It was odd, simply because he’d thought that they’d settled into a routine. He even went to the lookout one night, hoping he might see Jongin there. But he wasn’t. 

Sehun finally texted him, asking where he was. And Jongin just said he was busy. 

He didn’t know what with, but he assumed it had to be something important. After all, he couldn’t actually think if he’d done anything to potentially ruin things. At least unless it was what was happening anyway, if Jongin decided it was a bad idea and he didn’t like Sehun as much as Sehun liked him. 

He left it for a few more days, the nights becoming colder and days shorter as the summer dragged on. But still there was no sign of Jongin, not at the market or the coffee shop or the bakery. His texts were still simple, that he wasn’t coming, or not tonight.

“What’s eating you?”

“Huh?” he glanced up from his phone, bored and listless.

“You’ve been moping about for the past few days, now. Come on, tell me what’s going on,” she said. She was taking her attention away from the tv, remote still poised in her hand.

He sighed softly, laying back on the couch. “Jongin hasn’t been around. I think he’s avoiding me.”

“Mhm, I see. Why’s that? You two have a fight?”

He shrugged. “Not that I know of? He seemed totally fine, but he just hasn’t been where we usually meet, and he isn’t returning my messages. Or like just saying he’s busy. So I don’t know.”

“Well…have things been changing between you two?”

“What do you mean?”

She tapped the remote against her thigh. “Men are kind of dumb, sweetie. Sometimes they get scared of things that don’t make any kind of sense. Have things been changing? Something he might be afraid of?”

That he wasn’t sure about. Things had been changing, but he’d thought it was for the better. Jongin initiated kissing him just as much, so he couldn’t see how it could be that. Unless he changed his mind. “Maybe…I don’t know. Why would he be scared?”

“Like I said, men can be dumb. Not all, but a lot. You should go figure it out, things that are worth having are worth chasing down, know what I’m saying?”

And that seemed to be the end of her advice, as she unmuted the tv and began talking about how silly one of the detectives was being. He sighed again. Even if Jongin changed his mind, he knew he probably needed some kind of answer. So it wouldn’t be this incessant question nagging the back of his mind. 

☁

Unfortunately, Sehun didn’t actually know where to find Jongin. He didn’t know where he lived, and even if it was a small town, he thought it would probably be a little bit weird to just show up uninvited. So instead he decided he’d have to track him down around the town. He tried the coffee shop first, asking the barista if she’d seen Jongin or if he came in at any particular time. She wasn’t much help, since apparently he showed up sporadically, but she confirmed he had been in just the day before.

Next he tried the bakery, as he picked up pastries for his grandma. They weren’t much help, they said they hadn’t seen Jongin in two weeks at least. He was starting to feel a little bit like a stalker, chasing him down in the chance that he might run into him.

But he had to know. Even if it meant making him sad or getting his heart broken, he’d rather have Jongin say it straight to his face rather than just cutting him off. He finally settled for the store Jongin got his art supplies at. He didn’t know exactly when he’d be there, of course, and he didn’t know how low he was on his supplies.

But for once, he was lucky. When he stepped into the store, it didn’t seem like there was much to look at, just all manner of paper gifts and cards. He gazed over the straggling customers, only three in all. One was a woman looking at birthday cards, another was an older man eyeing pens. Finally, there was a familiar head of dark hair in the art supplies.

Something about just seeing Jongin made him breathe a sigh of relief. It had only been a few weeks since they’d really known each other, but he guessed sometimes it didn’t need to take longer. 

“Jongin,” he said, walking up to him.

Jongin looked up, and there was a look of surprise when he noticed who it was. “Oh, hi, Sehun. What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you.” It occurred to him how bizarre this could sound to someone, but he was aiming for honesty.

Jongin’s lips curved in a hint of amusement. “Why?”

He stared at him for a moment, curious if he was really so unknowing. But he didn’t want to fight with Jongin, not if he didn’t have to. He just wanted some answers. “I’ve been a bit worried. You haven’t been at the beach and you just keep saying you’re busy. Everything okay?”

Jongin ran his finger along some packages of brushes. “Yeah, sorry. You know how things get, right?”

Sehun stared at him for another moment. Was he really going to just brush him off that simply? “Jongin…come on, don’t bullshit me,” he said, voice still quiet.

His lips parted as though he was about to say something, but no words came. “I don’t want to talk about it. Especially not here.”

By now, Sehun had realized just how easy it was to gossip in a town of that size. He knew that people already thought Jongin was a bit strange, and that it wouldn’t be long before people started talking about them. Especially if they had an argument in the middle of a store.

“Fine. Meet me on the beach in half an hour. If you don’t show up…I’ll take the hint, that all of this was nothing. Your call.” Sehun turned away, even though it took every ounce of his strength. He wanted to pull Jongin close and kiss him so hard he admitted it was a mistake, he wanted to beg him for answers. But this was all he could do.

Sehun didn’t stop anywhere else, just headed directly for the beach and sat down in the sand. His grandma knew that he’d be out, and it was a Thursday so her nurse was there for a while. All he had to do was wait. As soon as he’d left the store, he put on a timer, curious just how long it might take. He didn’t want to be the idiot sitting and waiting, hoping for hours for something that might not come. 

He sighed, and leaned back in the sand, closing his eyes. The sun was hot, grazing over every part of him. But he didn’t care, it was nice. Like a natural blanket. The sky was mostly clear, just a few small white clouds dotting it.

Something tapped against his shoulder, and he cracked an eye open, confusion washing over him for a moment until he set his gaze on Jongin’s face. He sat up, running a hand through his hair, shaking the excess sand out of it. Glancing at his phone, he saw it had been an hour.

“You’re late,” he said, wondering how he’d managed to fall asleep so quickly. It was probably the nights spent worrying about his grandma and Jongin’s sudden disappearance. 

Jongin sat down on the sand, stretching his legs in front of him. “I know…I’m sorry. I thought about not coming.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” He felt almost like a child, asking so pathetically. But he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t think of anything that had gone wrong, and he needed Jongin to tell him.

“No…on the contrary, really,” Jongin said, fingers picking absently at a string on his jeans.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Mm…probably not, you’re right. I don’t know how to explain it. It sounds dumb.”

Sehun took a deep breath, and reached out, letting his hand pat Jongin’s lightly. Trying to reassure him. He wanted to squeeze his hand or hold him to make him feel better, but he had no idea what Jongin would say. “Come on, I’ve said plenty of weird things that I guarantee are worse.”

Jongin paused, looking down at Sehun’s hand over his. “I’m scared.”

“Of what? Of me?”

“No, not you. Never you,” Jongin said immediately. “More like…your grandma is getting better. Which is amazing, and I’m so happy for that, I truly am. But…it scares me too. Because then you’ll leave.”

“Jongin…come on-”

He held up a hand. “Please, just…let me finish. You’ll leave and all of this will just be some…memory to you, some story about someone you met one summer. If you even remember me. Because I’m not your reality…I’m just some pit stop on the way to wherever you’re going. And that scares me, because…to me, you’re so real. This is my destination, and I’ve already arrived.”

Naturally, his grandma had been right. Jongin was scared, just not of the thing that Sehun assumed he would be. “I don’t see you that way. You’re very real to me.”

“For now…yeah. But can you picture five years, ten years from now? Where will you be? In the city with some important career, right? But I’ll still be here, just painting clouds and waiting on you.”

Somehow, that hurt. “Just listen to me, okay? It’s my turn. I don’t think of you like some speed bump on my way to anywhere. The truth is…I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I have my degree, but…what’s the point, really? I’m sorry you’re scared…I wish you’d have talked to me about it though. I don’t want to think about how you’re going to one day be a memory, that’s just as scary for me. I don’t want that.”

“I wish I knew the future…” Jongin said softly.

“I feel like I don’t even know the present half the time,” he said, tone playful, trying to bring a small amount of levity to the conversation. 

Jongin’s lips curved a little. “I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” 

Sehun figured he didn’t have much left to lose. He reached out, hooking a finger under Jongin’s chin, tilting his face toward him. He leaned in, and then their lips were brushing together. Jongin’s fingers laced through his, holding his hand tightly as they kissed. Jongin was kissing him back hard, needy and aching. Sehun unlaced their fingers to pull Jongin closer, running his hand along his back. He wanted to pull him as close as he possibly could, wanted to feel every inch of Jongin pressed against himself. Jongin let out quiet sounds into the kiss, softly moaning when their tongues brushed together and as Sehun’s hand drifted down to his ass.

Jongin pulled away, tracing a hand along Sehun’s cheek. “I want to…explain myself.”

Sehun licked his lips, hand still resting on Jongin’s ass. “Uh, what do you mean?” he asked, thoughts already much more focused on how Jongin was making him feel.

“My family. I mentioned before how they are, right?”

He removed his hand, instead opting to let his arms wrap around Jongin’s waist. He had a feeling the mood was over for now. “You said they had money, and liked to be busy, I think.”

“Yeah. It’s more than that, though. They’re…really hard on people. Nothing is ever good enough for them, no one is ever good enough for them. Including the rest of the family, it’s never…just never enough,” he explained. 

“They said things like that to you?”

Jongin nodded. “Yeah…I was supposed to be a lawyer, follow in my dad’s footsteps and carry on the great Kim tradition and everything. It was all set up and I don’t think they ever asked me once about it, just told me that this was how it was going to be.”

Sehun understood that, at least to a certain degree. His family wasn’t nearly so harsh, but they did have strong expectations that they weren’t afraid to push onto him and let him know. He was meant to get a good job, or find someone to marry before he was thirty. “I get it, but I’m sorry, Jongin. So is that why you came here? Like rebellion?”

Jongin looked down for a moment, considering. When he looked back up, there was sadness there. “When I was 17, my cousin…my family pushed him so hard that he couldn’t take the pressure. He tried to kill himself…and they didn’t handle it well. They thought he was weak.”

Sehun squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry…I can’t imagine how that must have felt.”

“It was terrible. They didn’t seem to care. They just locked him up and wanted to throw away the key, they didn’t want to help him. So I decided then and there that…I wasn’t going to live for these people. I wasn’t going to waste my entire life trying to make people happy who didn’t even know how to be human. Maybe that sounds terrible to say about my own family, but it’s true. I got into a great school, but I gave it all up. I followed my dreams here, but here I could just…exist and be happy, paint the skies whenever I wanted to.”

Sehun pressed a gentle kiss to his head. “That must have taken a lot to do that. Do you still talk to them?”

“Not really. I’ll call on holidays and things like that, but you can imagine how that goes. So I limit contact. And…I guess that’s why I'm scared for you. Because you might be giving your life away for nothing. You already say you don’t know what you want to do, you say your parent’s life feels meaningless to you. I want you to be able to live life for yourself.” Jongin was watching him so intensely. 

He didn’t even know what to say to that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t know what he even wanted himself. He just wrapped his arms around Jongin, holding him tightly. “Don’t worry, Jongin. Whatever I do…I’ll make sure it’s for me, okay? Even if I end up where my parents are, or if it makes them happy, I do…want to do things for myself.”

Jongin just held on tightly, as though maybe he was scared of letting go.

☁

Sehun returned home to the sound of silence, and a pit grew in his stomach. There was usually at least some level of sound within the house, whether it was the tv on or the radio playing, his grandma wasn’t fond of silence. He’d just stepped out to run to the market, getting persimmon and what they’d need for dinner. 

He frowned, and walked through the house, trying to find his grandma. When he got to her room, there was a note on the bed, scribbled. Went to hospital.

He swore, wondering why someone hadn’t called. The pit in his stomach only grew, fear and dread building like bile in his throat. His hands shook as he grabbed his jacket and car keys, and it took him three tries to lock the door behind him. He swore again, taking a deep breath. At least she went to the hospital, she’d be in good hands. But it didn’t do much to stop the quelling panic that kept rising. 

It took him two tries to get the car on, and he half didn’t trust himself to get to the hospital in one piece. He knew he probably should have called a taxi or asked Jongin to drive him, but all he could think about was getting to her and seeing that she was okay with his own eyes. 

He got to the hospital in record time, not really caring to obey the rules of the road, not when fear played a factor. It was almost like he was on autopilot, he hardly noticed when it started raining on his way into the large white building. His knees felt weak, but he immediately went to the admissions desk, telling them her name. 

The third floor, he glanced at the elevator. Cardiac unit. He swore, wondering if she’d had another heart attack. He cursed himself internally, wishing that he’d been there, that he had waited to go to the market or gone earlier, so she wouldn’t have to be alone.

When he got there, they directed him to sit in the waiting room, that a doctor would be with him later. He put his head in his hands, waiting. He wished that the unit had just been able to give him some kind of answer if she was alright, worrying even more wouldn’t help. He felt shaky and unsure. Sure, he knew that it was a possibility, and he’d been taking her to appointments and listening to everything the nurse said. He made sure she had her medication and was taking it easy, doing the exercises she was given. Somehow, he thought that would be enough to save her.

“For Oh?” called a voice. 

Sehun lifted his head, “Yeah.”

The doctor walked over to him with a small, polite smile. “Her grandson I take it?”

He nodded. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“She’s going to be just fine.”

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief, she was okay. There was still time, he didn’t have to panic about being able to say goodbye to the person he loved so much. He listened as the doctor told him what happened, her blood pressure was too high, it seemed like she’d forgotten to take her medicine that morning.

“Gran?” he called, finally able to see her.

She was settled in the hospital bed, her eyes closed. “Hi, honey,” she said.

He grabbed a chair and pulled it to her bedside, listening to the sounds of the machines reading her vitals. “How are you feeling?”

Her eyes opened, she looked tired. Her lips turned in a hint of a smile. “I feel like an old fool, honey. I got all worked up about a little pill.”

Maybe it was the fear that had been with him since he read the note, maybe it was just too much going on at once. But before he realized, his eyes were stinging, burning with tears that threatened to fall. “I…don’t want to lose you, Gran.”

She was quiet, but then she reached out, her hand patting his cheek. “Don’t be scared, Sehun. I’m old, one of these days I’m going to go. And you’re going to go back to your normal life soon anyway, it’ll be just fine.”

It didn’t help. The tears began to roll down his cheeks, and he squeezed her hand. “I won’t leave you, then…never, I need you.” He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d actually cried, usually he just didn’t feel deeply enough to get that upset. He didn’t even cry when he heard his grandma was sick, just got worried. But now he didn’t think he could stop it.

She kept petting his cheek, wiping his tears. “Don’t cry, sweetie. It’ll take a lot to get rid of me, okay? Come give grandma a kiss.” 

He sniffed, trying to get ahold of himself. It was just a scare, but it was a terrible reminder that anything could happen. He stood and kissed her cheek, her skin was warm. “I love you, Gran.”

☁

For the next few days, Sehun refused to leave her side. He was assured that she was fine, and she didn’t even need to stay overnight, but it didn’t mean he was going to slack off again. He already felt like he’d let her down by not making sure she’d taken the blood pressure pill. The nurses came as usual, but Sehun wouldn’t leave, too afraid that something would happen while he was away. He messaged Jongin, explaining what happened. 

Jongin came right away, bringing with him persimmons and the whiskey his grandma always talked about. “Hey, how is everything?” he asked, setting the gifts on the kitchen counter.

“It’s going okay, she keeps saying she’s fine and not to worry. But she’s been saying that since I got here, so you know,” he shrugged.

Jongin hugged him, wrapping his arms securely around his waist. “It’s going to be okay, Sehun. Can I help with anything?”

Sehun smiled a little, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You being here is more than enough.”

They went into his grandma’s bedroom, and she thanked Jongin and ushered him to stay. They talked for over an hour, Jongin asking over her health and her sweater collection when she seemed tired. She reassured him that she was fine, joking about Sehun’s worry. He just sat in a chair, watching them talk. Occasionally he’d get up to get her more water or to ask Jongin again if he wanted any tea. He knew he was fretting, but he couldn’t quite seem to help himself. When his grandma started drifting off, trying her best to stay awake, Jongin said he should probably get going. 

Sehun walked him to the door, and was happy to lean into Jongin’s arms as he reached to hold him. “Thanks for coming,” he said softly. 

Jongin smiled a little, rubbing his hand along his back. “Anytime. You know where to find me, okay? I know it’s scary, but things have a way of working out.”

He kissed him softly before he left. Part of him wished he’d asked Jongin to stay the night, he just didn’t want to really deal with it by himself while his grandma was asleep. He knew she’d be alright, it would just take some time to adjust. 

☁

“Hello?” Sehun answered, unable to help but frown when he saw his dad’s name.

“Sehun, hi. Listen, how’s the job hunt going?”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back in the chair. The truth was he hadn’t even bothered to look yet. “It’s going.”

“Yeah? Well hey, I have a friend. He runs a great company, I told him all about you, and he’d be interested in hiring you. You’d have to go in for an interview, but it would really just be a formality. It’s yours if you want it,” he said, sounding proud. 

He resisted the urge to groan. Of course his dad had worried enough about his getting a job that he’d just taken it upon himself to secure one. He knew that he should have been grateful, that most people struggled to get employment after their graduations. But all he felt was annoyance. “What kind of job is it?” He wasn’t sure if that would make a difference or not, but it was worth asking.

“It’s an IT job with a great company, plenty of room for growth. You’d be set for life, kid.”

Sehun hummed softly. It wasn’t the worst thing, he was half afraid that his dad was going to try and put him in sales. “I’ll think about it.”

“Think about it? What’s there to think about?”

In some ways, he didn’t really have an answer for that. Most people would be jumping at the chance. Hell, he would have if it was two months prior. But something in him was hesitant, unsure. “What’s wrong with thinking about it? Isn’t it better to make an informed decision?”

“You’re getting fresh. It isn’t a question anymore, Sehun. I’ve already told him you’ll do the interview. I’ll text you the information.”

“Grandma is doing great, by the way-”

But it was too late, he’d already hung up. He groaned, closing his eyes. It was just like him, he probably knew Sehun well enough to realize he wouldn’t have applied for anything. But he still didn’t know.

When he brought it up to his grandma over dinner, she shrugged. “Well, your dad has important contacts, it would probably be smart to take it. Probably pays well.”

“I guess…I don’t know, Gran. I hate that he just…chooses things sometimes. I know he means well, but I wish he’d trust me.”

She patted his hand. “He does, honey. He’s a pain in the butt, but I have no doubt that he loves you terribly. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to.”

He squeezed her hand. “Alright, I guess that’s fair.” He wasn’t sure how she’d always managed to be so wise.

When he told Jongin about it, he’d been more unsure of how he’d take the news, given his fear of Sehun leaving. “Hey…that’s a great opportunity. What’s better than a sure thing?” he said, a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes gave away more than that though, there was sadness there.

“Hey, come on…don’t be upset, I still don’t even know if I’m going or not.”

Jongin smiled a little, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I know you too well for that, city boy. You’ve already made up your mind to go. So go.” His tone wasn’t unkind, simply matter-of-fact as he looked at him with that dark intensity of his. 

The canvas was filled with grey and white, and Sehun sighed softly. It didn’t feel like he had a good decision to make either way. 

☁

Leaving the town was somehow surreal. He hadn’t really been outside of the town for the entire summer, save for his grandma’s stay in a hospital, but that was in a nearby town, not back in the city. He’d ensured that a nurse would be with his grandma while he was away, and asked if there was anything he could bring her.

He had to borrow a suit, not wanting to stop home and change seeing his dad who would give him the sixth degree before the interview. It was Jongin’s, and somehow it felt nice to have a piece of Jongin with him, almost like a lucky charm. He didn’t even know why he was nervous, after all he was already promised the position. He just had to show up.

As he drove into the city, he realized that for the first time it didn’t feel like home. Normally, when he’s return from a vacation or trip, there was a warm feeling of complacency and comfort in the fact that he knew the city so well, and of being back. But none of that seemed present. It was as if he was just driving through any other place. But he wasn’t going to let that distract him, he was probably just feeling a bit out of sorts. 

He parked in the large lot for the business, and he sighed, wondering where his dad met this guy. Probably golf or some kind of conference. But none of that really mattered, he guessed, and made the journey to the designated floor. He smiled a little at the secretary, and glanced around at the fake potted plants.

The interview was exactly as Sehun feared. The boss was all giant smiles and enthusiasm about Sehun’s life, even though he knew objectively his resume was not at all impressive. He got good grades, sure, but he only had one internship that lasted all of three weeks one summer. But he knew he just had a part to play, so he offered fake smiles and laughed at the attempts at humor. The boss winked at him when he saw him out, saying that they’d give him a call. Sehun waved his acknowledgement, and left.

He stopped by one of his favorite restaurants to grab lunch for his grandma and himself. He greeted the staff, but they looked at him strangely and asked what he wanted to order. It hit him that he’d gotten more used to the small town than he’d ever realized. He was used to walking in somewhere and the staff would immediately greet him, or passing anyone on the street was at least met with a polite smile or nod. But this was the city, and people weren’t friendly in the city.

He took the order and quickly got back in his car. What was going on with him? He was born and raised in the city, save for a few trips to see his grandma along the way. How could a few months change him so much? He didn’t even like small towns.

But as he drove closer to the ocean, he could feel the knots in his shoulders begin to loosen again. And when he caught sight of the edge of the town, there was that feeling of warmth and comfort, like he was returning home.

He drove slowly down Dewberry, wondering when this change had happened. A lady walked past his car, waving and smiling at him as she did. He smiled and waved back. Had he always secretly preferred this? Or was he just still feeling terrified of leaving his grandma and Jongin? He didn’t have the answers, but he knew that he felt like a total stranger in the city he’d grown up in.

He carried in the bags of takeout, and his grandma and the nurse came to join him. He told them about the interview and the position, about some of things he saw in the short time he was there. “I don’t think I can do it, Gran.”

“Why not?”

”I don’t think it’s me anymore. Or something…but it didn’t feel right,” he admitted.

She smiled a little. “Well, honey, I can’t tell you what you should be doing now. I want you to really think about it. But you know that you always have a place here.”

He nodded, patting her hand. He sensed an excitement in her, but she didn’t seem inclined to tell him outright how much she wanted him to stay. He knew better.

☁

The sun was beginning to set when he went to see Jongin, to tell him about the interview and the possible revelation he was having. He found him on the beach, laying on his side and staring out at the water. “Are you okay?” he asked, stepping into the sand with bare feet. 

Jongin immediately sat up, turning to look at Sehun with wide eyes. “You’re back.”

“I am, sorry I didn’t tell you right away. What are you doing?” He couldn’t see a blank canvas sitting near him, his paints untouched.

Jongin looked shy for a moment, and shrugged. “I guess…I have a really hard time painting anything if I’m upset. And the thought of you leaving makes me upset…I’m sorry for being selfish. How did it go?”

Sehun wished for a moment that he’d brought his camera, wanting to capture how beautiful Jongin looked when the golden sun hit his skin and the bashful look on his face. But he settled for the next best thing. He got down in the sand, and pulled Jongin to him, pulling him onto his lap. Jongin let out a sound of surprise, but then it was swallowed by Sehun kissing him. Jongin was so pliant in his arms, just melting against him. 

Finally, he pulled away, both of them gasping for air. “I can’t leave, Jongin. I tried it…I saw the city again. I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t think I ever did. I just kept thinking about how much I’d rather be here with you and Gran.”

Jongin smiled, wide and happy. “So you’re staying?”

“I am. I’ll figure things out with my dad later, maybe I can accept it as a remote position,” he said, half joking.

“I guess I’ll need a new nickname for you, city boy.” But Jongin didn’t seem to mind, just leaned in to kiss him again. Sehun held him close, licking his way into his mouth and running his hands all along Jongin’s body. 

“Do you…want to go to my house?” Jongin asked suddenly, pulling away from the kiss.

Sehun’s breathing was heavy, and he had Jongin’s ass in his hand. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

Jongin’s house was on Oceanside, and Sehun didn’t actually know what to expect. It felt like although he knew so much about Jongin, at the same time he hardly knew much about him at all, so almost nothing he found would really surprise him. The house they arrived at was small with windows stretching wide over the entire house. He followed Jongin inside, and it made sense that it was just as light inside as it was out. 

“You even have skylights?” He asked, looking up. 

Jongin laughed, “I like the sky, what can I say?” 

Sehun smiled a little. There were paintings and plants all over the walls that weren’t made of glass, and Jongin looked so perfectly right among the pieces of nature. But Jongin didn’t give him long to reflect, his arms wrapping around Sehun’s neck and leaning in for another kiss. 

This time, it started out heated. Sehun ran his hands along Jongin’s back, and under his shirt, feeling the smooth expanse of skin. Jongin was hot under his touch, and he kept making these quiet little sounds that drove him crazy.

Jongin began to lead Sehun down a hallway, but Sehun refused to move away from him, kissing him desperately even as they bumped into walls. They entered the room at the end, and Jongin pulled away to grab for his shirt, tossing it to the ground. Sehun vaguely noticed the bedroom was similar to the rest of the house, bright and airy, paintings of the sky everywhere.

He didn’t get to consider it for long, because then Jongin was pulling on his clothes, urging him to remove them. Sehun was more than happy to oblige. Ever since he’d first sights on him he fantasized about having him. It didn’t take long for them to have their clothes strewn about on the floor.

“You’re so perfect,” Sehun said, taking in his tan skin and the finely defined muscles on his frame. There were still bits of paint on his skin. 

“Look who’s talking,” Jongin said playfully, hands reaching out to grab Sehun around the hips and pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed. 

Sehun watched as Jongin lowered himself between his legs, fingers reaching to wrap around his length. Sehun moaned, unable to hold it back at the contact. 

Jongin smiled up at him, and began to slowly stroke his length to full hardness. Sehun breathed a sigh of relief at the sensations, feeling himself begin to get hot all over. He yearned for Jongin, it felt like every nerve in his body was on high alert because Jongin was so close. 

And then Jongin leaned in, licking playfully at the tip. Sehun’s breath hitched, unable to look away from Jongin. He watched as Jongin licked along the base of his shaft, feeling his way along the length and pressing against his sensitive skin. He bit his lip as he took in the feeling of Jongin’s hot, wet tongue working its way along his length. He licked around the head, tantalizingly slow, before his head dropped down to lick along the length of his cock again. 

Sehun’s cock throbbed, and Jongin held it in his hand as he suddenly took the head into his mouth. “Fuck,” Sehun groaned, fingers going to run through Jongin’s hair. 

Jongin sucked softly at just the head, his fingers slowly beginning to stroke what wasn’t in his mouth. It was beautiful and teasing, and Sehun wanted so much to urge Jongin to get on with it. He wanted more, body needed so much more. 

Only when Sehun’s fingers began to tighten their hold did he move to take more in. Agonizingly slow, Jongin began to lower himself onto Sehun’s cock, lips stretching vulgarly around him.

The sight of it was obscene, and yet Jongin still somehow looked so perfect, even with a cock in his mouth. He groaned softly as Jongin took all of him in. It was amazing, and Sehun felt like he was burning with desire. Jongin didn’t give much warning before he began to move, bobbing up and down on his cock, tongue pressing against the sensitive areas as he went. 

“Jongin, I…stop “ he gasped, though part of him hated that he asked. It would be so nice to finish in Jongin’s mouth, but he wanted to make it special. 

Jongin pulled off slowly, dragging his tongue along his cock on the way up. He let Sehun’s cock slip out with a wet pop. “Something wrong?” he asked, teasingly licking a drop of precum from the tip. 

“Yes,” Sehun growled, and reached to pull Jongin up only to gently toss him onto the bed. “I want you so badly.”

He moved onto the bed, chasing after him. His hands went to the underside of Jongin’s thighs, pushing them toward his chest and spreading his legs for him. He groaned softly as he looked at him, the flush color of his cock and the pretty pink of his hole. He leaned in, lightly running the flat of his tongue along the crack of his ass. Jongin moaned, shifting a little under him. 

Sehun liked the sounds he made, and he continued to lick his ass. He ran his tongue lightly over the area over and over again, just teasing his entrance by not offering him any real satisfaction.

“God…please, Sehun,” Jongin moaned, spreading his legs more.

He glanced up at him, eyes closed and lips slick with spit. He licked Jongin’s ass, pointing his tongue as he tasted him. Jongin squirmed, and Senun held fast to his thighs as he suddenly worked his tongue inside his right rim. 

A stream of swears slipped out of Jongin’s mouth as Sehun began to fuck him open with his tongue. Sehun moaned as he tasted him, excited at the way Jongin was so turned on. He continued to dip his tongue into his entrance, curling and licking inside of him.

“W-wait,” Jongin suddenly said.

Sehun immediately pulled away, watching him. “Are you okay?” 

“More than okay…there’s lube…right in there,” Jongin said, pointing at his nightstand.

Sehun pressed a quick kiss against his thigh, and moved to open it up. He immediately caught sight of it and grabbed the half-empty bottle and a condom that lay in a haphazard pile. He also noticed the plug sitting beside it, but he didn’t say anything, just noted it for later. 

Resuming his spot between Jongin’s thighs, he squirted some of the liquid onto his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up. He glanced at Jongin’s face, making sure he didn’t look unsure before he lowered his hand. Slowly, he began to circle Jongin’s entrance, teasing the pink puffy rim as Jongin spread his legs further. 

He slowly began to insert the first finger, watching Jongin carefully to make sure he didn’t see any discomfort. On seeing none, he began to thrust his finger in and out of him, savoring the tight heat. His cock throbbed at the idea of fucking him soon. 

When Jongin started to move against his finger, Sehun pushed in a second, working him open with more lube. He curled and twisted his fingers inside of him, and Sehun leaned down, taking Jongin’s cock in his mouth in one smooth motion.

Jongin moaned loudly, hips bucking at the sensation. Jongin continued to thrust his fingers inside of him as his mouth began to work on his cock, sucking him and hollowing his cheeks. He could hear Jongin’s moaning, and he slid in a third finger.

“Just…fuck me,” Jongin whined, squirming at the sensations.

Sehun pulled off of his cock, lightly licking the head as he kept spreading him open. “You sure?”

“Fuck…yes, please.”

Carefully, Sehun slid his fingers out of him. They made a lewd squelching sound as they left Jongin empty, his hole clenching around nothing. Sehun sat back on his legs, tearing open the condom and rolling it onto himself. He could feel Jongin’s gaze on him, heavy and expectant.

He moaned softly as he coated his cock in lube, aching cock throbbing from sensory overload. He grabbed a pillow, and Jongin lifted up, letting Sehun stuff it under his back for easier access. 

He positioned himself again between his legs, and Jongin immediately wrapped his hands underneath his knees, spreading himself open and presenting himself to Sehun. He squirted on some extra lube for good measure, and took his cock in hand. Teasingly, he ran his length along the cleft of Jongin’s ass, catching every now and then on his rim.

Jongin groaned in frustration, and Sehun took mercy on him. He guided himself to his entrance, and ever so slowly began to push himself inside. Jongin’s fingers clenched around his thighs, and Sehun continued to slowly fill him. He swore softly, Jongin was so tight and hot around his cock. He ran a hand up Jongin’s thigh, trying to soothe and relax him as he pushed inside. Jongin’s breath hitched, eyes falling closed at the pressure.

“You’re doing great, Jongin. You feel so amazing,” he praised, running his hands along smooth skin until he bottomed out. He stilled, not wanting to hurt him, and moved a hand to wrap around Jongin’s cock. Slowly he began to stroke him, trying to get him to focus on the pleasure.

Jongin let out a quiet sound at the motions, as Sehun ran his finger over a pearl of precum, dragging it down the length of his cock to help with the slide. He was gentle, hips unmoving even though his cock was throbbing, Jongin had to feel it.

Finally, he could feel Jongin begin to relax around him, and his eyes cracked open through wet eyelashes. “Okay,” he said softly.

Sehun released his cock, hands finding their way to his hips as he slowly began to move. Jongin moaned softly as Sehun slowly began to fuck him open, staying slow and deep inside him. Sehun couldn’t help but groan, the tight heat making it so hard for him to not just pull back and fuck him hard. But he wouldn’t do that to him, he wanted Jongin to want him just as much. 

Jongin released his legs, letting them fall around Sehun’s hips as he fisted the sheets. “So good,” Jongin said breathily.

Sehun snapped his hips into him at the sound of his voice, wanting to make him feel even better. He began to draw back further, dragging his cock achingly slow out of Jongin, only stopping when it was just the head of his cock inside him. He glanced at Jongin’s face, cheeks dusted pink and lips red and swollen from being bitten. All at once, he thrust inside him, filling him completely.

Jongin moaned loudly, and he reached for Sehun, pulling him down close. Sehun moved so that he could wrap his arms around Jongin, holding him as he began to fuck him properly. Jongin pulled him in for a kiss, and Sehun swallowed his sounds as he moved inside him. He held Jongin tightly, not wanting to even consider letting him go for a moment. Everything was hot and sweaty but all he could focus on was the sound of Jongin’s moaning and the way he bucked against him when angled just the right way.

Sehun kissed along his jaw and down over his neck, sucking softly at his skin as his hips sped up. He was chasing that warmth and pleasure coursing through him, chasing Jongin’s moans with every movement. Jongin’s head tilted to the side, allowing him more access to lick along his neck and collarbones. He licked at the sweat, the salty taste of Jongin.

The sound of Jongin’s moans kept getting louder the harder Sehun fucked him. He released his close hold, pulling back to rest on his knees so he could fuck him deeper, angling his thrusts in a way that was making Jongin cry out his name. Jongin’s fingers reached down to wrap around his cock, stroking himself quickly in time with Sehun’s thrusts.

Sehun’s fingers dug into the skin of Jongin’s hip, pressing marks into him as he chased that pleasure. He wanted to feel every part of Jongin, wanted to feel him like this forever. 

There was a loud moan, and suddenly Jongin’s back was arching off of the bed, his hole clenching around Sehun’s cock as he came. Sehun watched the way his lips parted, swollen and slick with spit; at the way his eyes closed and his jaw clenched, fingers working desperately on his cock. And then as Jongin came, shooting come over his stomach, biting down on his lip once more. Somehow he’d never been so beautiful, Sehun wished he could have a photo of him just like that.

His own cock was aching with need, but he didn’t want to hurt Jongin. He carefully pulled out of his tight heat, Jongin whining softly at the emptiness. Sehun pulled off the condom, tossing it into the wastebin before he wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking himself. 

“Come on me,” Jongin said, voice raspy and tired. He watched Sehun with dark eyes, filled with a remaining heat.

Sehun didn’t have to question it, just began to quickly stroke himself. The pleasure and heat rose inside of him, his mind’s eye still playing every second of being inside Jongin. It only took Jongin’s fingers to graze his, helping him along, for him to his his peak. He moaned lowly, pleasure coursing through his entire body like fire. His fingers never ceased moving, and he was only vaguely aware of the sounds of swears and moans leaving his lips in a nonsensical chant of pleasure. It came in waves, and he slowly took a shaky breath, beginning to come down from his climax. His eyes parted to see Jongin watching him. Come was painted over Jongin’s stomach, and he still thought he looked more beautiful than any piece of art. Jongin suddenly swiped a finger through the mess on his skin and brought it to his lips, sucking dirtily. 

“You’re going to kill me,” Sehun said, already feeling his cock twitch at the lewd sight.

Jongin smiled, “I thought you’d like it.”

“Too much,” Sehun agreed, leaning down to kiss him softly. 

He left to go run a bath, making sure it was nice and hot for Jongin since he remembered all the times he’d mentioned how he couldn’t handle cold water. He brought a damp cloth, cleaning the mess from Jongin’s stomach before he helped him into the bathroom. 

They sat in the bath, Sehun running his hands along his skin as he washed him and massaged away any sore muscles. Jongin hummed softly, leaning against Sehun and turning to kiss him every now and again. There was a skylight above them, showing the dark sky and faint clouds, punctured by tiny little stars shining down on them.

☁

It was a bright, sunny day. Sehun couldn't help but smile as he watched Jongin, camera clicking incessantly. Jongin was just being silly, twirling around in the sand and posing in exaggerated motions for Sehun. Minutes ago, he’d put on a bad French accent, cracking jokes about being the supermodel of the world.

“You smile a lot more now,” his grandma suddenly said. 

Sehun glanced at her briefly, sprawled out in her beach chair, affixing yellow rhinestones in a sunflower pattern. “Do I?”

“It’s nice. He really makes you happy.”

He couldn’t really deny that. Back in the city he was pretty sure he never found himself smiling very often or for very long. He didn’t really have much reason to, at least not on a personal level. “Well you’re doing well, I have a job, and I have a very cute boyfriend who loves your sweaters almost as much as I do.”

Jongin collapsed onto the sand, heaving a dramatic sigh. “I’ve worn myself out,” he announced. 

Click. Sehun snorted, watching him lay there. Jongin had on one of his grandma’s gifts, a blue sweater with clusters of white rhinestones in the shape of clouds. It was Sehun’s idea, he’d even helped her out with a few of them.

“It just makes me happy to see you happy. And to have you stay with me. Even if you don’t buy me whiskey very often,” she teased.

“I’m just glad you approve…of everything.”

She waved a hand at him dismissively. “It’s what grandmas are supposed to do. I’m a kooky old lady, I like having some family around. Plus, you and he thought you two were so slick, but don’t think I didn’t see you rolling around under my rose bushes.”

“Gran!” He whined, leaving her to her sunflowers. 

“My savior has finally come,” Jongin joked, reaching out both arms toward Sehun.

Sehun laughed, practically falling on top of him in the sand, pressing soft kisses against his cheeks and over his eyes. He took Jongin’s face in his hands and kissed his lips, and Jongin smiled a little into the kiss. 

“It’s a perfect day,” Jongin said softly.

“It is. Surprised you arent complaining about the lack of clouds.”

“You should be thankful. Otherwise I’d have to paint and you’d never get my full attention.”

“Have I told you I’m proud of you?” Sehun kissed him again. 

“Only a hundred times now. It’s just a tiny gallery showing, no big deal.”

Sehun smiled. Jongin had been saying that, but he could see the uncertainty in his eyes anytime it was brought up. He stood suddenly, grabbing Jongin up with him. “Come here,” he said. 

He led him over to his grandma, startling her from her work. He leaned in, and Jongin caught the hint, leaning in on her other side. Sehun grabbed his camera, angling it at their faces. Click. He hoped there would be some sky in the photo too. 

Notes:

I hope that you enjoyed this! It’s a bit different than I usually write, and I changed ideas a couple of times but I hope you can enjoy. Thank you mods!!

twitter. curious cat.